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Ed and Ted were standing at the urinals in a public lavatory

when Ed glanced over and noticed that Ted’s penis was twisted like a corkscrew. “Blimey,” Ed said. “I’ve never seen one like that before.”

“Like what?” Ted said.

“All twisted like a pigs tail,” Ed said.

“Well what’s yours like?” Ted said.

“Well straight like normal,” Ed s...

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I'm horny as hell right now but my girlfriend won't have sex with me in the airplane's lavatory.

She doesn't give a flying fuck.

what did Spock find in the ships lavatory?

the captain's log

What do you call a frozen swine lavatory?

A pigloo

I'll see myself out.

What's the difference between the lavatory and the cemetery?

No difference - when you gotta go, you gotta go!

Oldie but goodie

What do you call an occupied lavatory on an in-flight 747?


Hypotenuse.

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Sherlock Holmes

Sherlock was requiring the assistance of Watson on a case. He knocks at the lavatory door, where Watson has been for the last half an hour. Sherlock- "What's taking you so long Watson?". Watson- "nothing is coming out sir". Sherlock- "what do you mean?". Watson- "like no shit, Sherlock".

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Japanese Toilet

I'm from the UK. My best mate from uni moved to Japan a few years ago for work, he's settled down there and married a nice Japanese girl. Whenever he's been back over, he's always invited me to come and visit them, and this year I finally had the chance.

The flight over was great, the ride fr...

Useful Metric Equivalents

* 1 million microphones = 1 megaphone
* 1 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
* 2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds
* 52 = 1 decacards
* 1/2 lavatory = 1 demijohn
* 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
* 435.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
* 10 rations = 1 decoration
* 10 m...

Where do volcanoes go to relieve themselves?

The lavatory, of course!

Pranking the police

A couple of pranksters broke into the local police station and stole all the lavatory equipment.

A spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We have absolutely nothing to go on."

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