Is your refrigerator running?

Then you better go catch it

Why was the refrigerator jealous of the mini-fridge?

He was a little cooler

A squirrel in the refrigerator

A man comes home after a hard day’s work and opens the refrigerator

to get a soda. Inside, he sees a squirrel taking a nap.

“What are you doing in my fridge?” the man asks.

The squirrel opens one sleepy eye and says, “Isn’t this a Westinghouse?”

“Um, yes,” the man replies...

I always knock on the refrigerator door before I open it.

There might be a salad dressing.

Is your refrigerator running?

If so, I may vote for it.

My girlfriend left a note on my refrigerator

It said "This isn't working, goodbye"

I opened the refrigerator and it's working just fine.

Why shouldn’t you hang your diplomas on the refrigerator?

Because a refrigerator shouldn’t have too many degrees.

If you accidentally drop ice cubes on the floor, just gently kick them under the refrigerator.

Soon it’ll be just water under the fridge.

Why did the little girl close her eyes after opening the refrigerator?

Because she saw the salad dressing.

I used to worry about the ice cubes I’d kick into the abyss under the refrigerator.

But I figure, what the hell.

It’s old water under the fridge.

I had a refrigerator that insults everyone.

Instead of keeping things cold it just burns everyone.

What is the difference between a refrigerator and a woman?

A refrigerator doesn’t moan when you put a piece of meat in it.

Why if there a 'd' in fridge and not refrigerator?

Because I'm an english pervert not an american pervert.

Hey, is your refrigerator running?

Good. I'd vote for it over Trump or Biden any day.

I'm like a refrigerator with a burst pipe.

Cool but broken on the inside.

Piggy bank in the refrigerator

My cousin always "borrows" money from her older brother's piggy bank, which drives him crazy.

One day, she found the piggy in, of all places, the refrigerator.

Inside was this note: "Dear sister, I hope you'll understand, but my capital has been frozen."

One day God visits St. Peter at the pearly gates and tells him heaven is too crowded and to not let so many people in and gives St Peter a quota for each day.

Later that day 3 men approach looking for entrance into heaven. Peter turns to the men and tells them that only 1 of them is able to enter into heaven. To decide which one gets in he asks them how they died. He tells them that the man with the best death story will get into heaven.

The first ...

WHAT did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened?

Close the door, I’m dressing..

I bought my dad a refrigerator for his birthday.

I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Iron

A kid walks into a department store and asks a clerk "if I lift an iron with my dick, what would you give me?" The clerk laughs and replies "There is no way, but if you do it, just take the iron" So he does it and takes the iron. The next day he comes with his dad. The clerk is confused so he asks t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy walks into a Sperm Bank.

He has his pistol drawn and a brown paper bag over his head as a mask.

The lady behind the counter jumps from her chair with her hands in the air and says, “Sir, this is not that kind of a bank!”

The man shouts, “Shut up Bitch! I know where I am at! Now open that refrigerator!”
<...

A man boarded a plane in New Orleans with a box of crabs...

A female crew member took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator, which she did.

The man firmly advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for the crabs staying frozen, and proceeded to rant and rave about what would happen if she let the crabs thaw out. ...

I put a new freezer next to the refrigerator

now they're just chilling.

Yes my refrigerator is running.

Should've caught it when I had the chance.

My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator

It's not cool man

My mother claims that raw fish keeps disappearing from our refrigerator

It's the Ghost of sushi, ma

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This one is a long one I'm warning you,

I made this one myself

You have 500 bricks. If the co pilot throws one off a plane, how many will you have left? 499

How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator? you open the refrigerator door, put the elephant inside, and close the door!

How do you put a giraffe into a re...

Reddit is like a Refrigerator

I keep opening it hoping for something good, but it is just leftovers I don't want.

How can you tell if your refrigerator has two elephants inside of it?

The door won't close.

Ive been thinking that the dryer has been shrinking my clothes...

Turns out if was the refrigerator!

Refrigerator kills all

St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, “Tell me about the day you died.” The man said, “Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn’t find him anywhere. So I went ou...

How do you know if there’s a stegosaurus in your refrigerator?

The door won’t close.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guys: If you are still stuck on a late Christmas present for the Wife. Get her a refrigerator.

Her little face will light up when she opens it.

Failing that, get her some slippers and a dildo.

If she don't like the slippers, she can go fuck herself.

Where's the bathroom again?

The doctor says, “Larry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes...

Wait a minute

Serious answer, here's the longest joke I know by heart.

Three men die and go to heaven. They meet St. Peter at the pearly gates. St. Peter looks at his notebook, then back to them and says "we have something interesting here. All three of you died at roughly the same time and in roughly the ...

A mathematician and a physicist were arguing over whose field of study was better.

A mathematician and a physicist were arguing over whose field of study was better. They decided to settle the argument by posing questions. The mathematician went first, and posed a complicated mathematical problem. With a great deal of effort, several books of mathematical tables and techniques,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was an eighty year old man who went to the doctor for his annual checkup, and when the doctor finished checking him over, he was amazed and said

“Sir, you have the body of a 40 year old, and the physique of a 20 year old; tell me, what’s your secret.”

The old man replies “Well I have a very good relationship with the lord, so much so, that when I go to the bathroom at night he turns the light on for me.”

Now the doctor was just...

Heaven was becoming overcrowded to the point where Saint Peter asked if he could only let people in who had a really bad day before he died.

Once God approved, Peter went back to the pearly gates and saw a line. Excited about the new order he went to the first person and said, “tell me about the day you died.”

The first person said, “it was horrible, I could have sworn my wife was cheating on me so I came home from work early to c...

Sitting in a refrigerator

This guy comes home from work early and runs up several flights of stairs to surprise his wife. As soon as he gets inside he smells cigar smoke and immediately gets the notion that his wife was fooling around with another man. Convinced he is still in the appartment, he checks every possible hiding ...

Why don't they make refrigerators circular?

Because that would make them 360 degrees.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between a refrigerator and a black man?

A refrigerator doesn’t get shot for running

“Just put the jelly in the refrigerator” my mom yelled

“There’s not enough room” I responded as I tried to jam it in

You can say all you want about refrigerators

It's what's good on the inside that really counts.

Three men approach the gates of heaven

Three men approach the gate of heaven and meet Saint Peter who tells them that heaven is getting full and only those with the most awful deaths will be allowed in that day.
The first man steps up and says picture this...My boss let me go home early so I rushed home to my 22nd apartment floor buil...

Haikus are easy. But sometimes they don’t make sense.

Refrigerator

Need a joke about a refrigerator for work

I work in a refrigerator manufacturing plant and am giving a presentation next week. I would like to start out the presentation with a joke to lighten the mood. Anyone have any short, clean jokes about refrigerators?

I walked into the kitchen and everything in the refrigerator was on the counter, even the shelves.

Confused, I opened the refrigerator and found my blonde wife sitting in it drinking from a bottle of juice, when I asked her why she was in there she said "It says refrigerate after opening!.".

What did the cannibal say as he took his spouse's thigh out of the refrigerator?

Today is the first day of the rest of my wife.

Hello...is your refrigerator running?

I guess you're not in Puerto Rico.

So I'm cleaning out my refrigerator and couldn't help to notice what a great blue cheese selection I have.

Not intentionally.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar and says he'll drink anything that has gin in it

The Bartender decides he wants to impress the man with something creative. He grabs some cold-pressed mango juice from the refrigerator, squeezes in the juice from a small lemon, adds some ginger ale, and garnishes it with rosemary and an orange twist. Finally he adds the gin.

As the man fini...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men arrive in Heaven at the same time.

As they approach the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter appears before them.

"The rules are simple: to get into Heaven, first you have to tell me how you die. If I'm satisfied with your story, you can come in."

The first man steps forward.

"Imagine this. You come home to your sixth-floo...

Is your refrigerator running?...

Cause it would probably be a better president #fridge2k16

Is your refrigerator running?

Good, mine too. See you at the refrigerator race tomorrow.

St Peter was doing market research with the applicants at the Pearly Gates. Three men were awaiting entry.

"Cause of death?" St Peter asked the first.

"I suspected my wife was cheating on me," the first man replied, "so I came home early and burst into my apartment on the twenty-first floor. I ran into the bedroom and my wife was lying naked on the bed. I searched the apartment but found no-one. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I came home the other day and found a note on the refrigerator.

It said, This isn't working, I've gone to my mother's. So I opened the fridge and the light came on and the beer was cold, so I don't know what the fuck she's talking about. But I hope she's back from her visit to make my supper ...

My daughter asked what I was doing with my shotgun, I said I was hunting decepticons. She laughed, I laughed, the refrigerator laughed, I shot the refrigerator. Turns out...

It's illegal to fire a gun within city limits, I got arrested.

Q. 500 bricks are on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?

Q. 500 bricks are on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?

A. 499

Q. What are three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator?

A. Open Door, put elephant in refrigerator, close door

Q. What are four steps to putting a giraffe in a refrigerator?

A. Open do...

What do hospitals and refrigerators have in common?

If you pull the plug, the vegetables start to decompose.

COVID Humor

Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.

I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerato...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jesus turns on the light.

A doctor asks his patient how he's been. The man says, "Great and the Lord is with me. Every time I use the bathroom at night He turns on the light and turns it off when I'm done." The Doctor asks the man's wife if she thinks the man is delusional. She asks why. The doctor says, "He thinks the Lord ...

When I told my wife that I still had the body of a 16 year old, she laughed.

But she stopped when I showed her my refrigerator.

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