Why was the refrigerator jealous of the mini-fridge?

He was a little cooler

My girlfriend left a note on my refrigerator

saying "This isn't working, goodbye"

I opened the refrigerator and it's working just fine.

Is your refrigerator running?

Then you better go catch it

Hey, is your refrigerator running?

Good. I'd vote for it over Trump or Biden any day.

I always knock before opening a refrigerator door

just in case there is a salad dressing!

Why did the little girl close her eyes after opening the refrigerator?

Because she saw the salad dressing.

Why shouldn’t you hang your diplomas on the refrigerator?

Because a refrigerator shouldn’t have too many degrees.

Is your refrigerator running?

...can I vote for it?

Life Pro Tip: If you accidentally drop ice cubes on the kitchen floor, quietly kick it under the refrigerator.

Soon it’ll be water under the fridge.

My mother claims that raw fish keeps disappearing from our refrigerator

It's the Ghost of sushi, ma

How is a woman different from refrigerator?

A refrigerator does not moan when you stick your meat in it.

My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator

It's not cool man

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between an asshole and a refrigerator?

A refrigerator doesn’t fart when you take the meat out.

I bought my SO a refrigerator for Christmas.

You should have seen her face light up when she opened it.

Reddit is like a Refrigerator

I keep opening it hoping for something good, but it is just leftovers I don't want.

A mathematician and a physicist were arguing over whose field of study was better.

A mathematician and a physicist were arguing over whose field of study was better. They decided to settle the argument by posing questions. The mathematician went first, and posed a complicated mathematical problem. With a great deal of effort, several books of mathematical tables and techniques,...

Heaven was becoming overcrowded to the point where Saint Peter asked if he could only let people in who had a really bad day before he died.

Once God approved, Peter went back to the pearly gates and saw a line. Excited about the new order he went to the first person and said, “tell me about the day you died.”

The first person said, “it was horrible, I could have sworn my wife was cheating on me so I came home from work early to c...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was an eighty year old man who went to the doctor for his annual checkup, and when the doctor finished checking him over, he was amazed and said

“Sir, you have the body of a 40 year old, and the physique of a 20 year old; tell me, what’s your secret.”

The old man replies “Well I have a very good relationship with the lord, so much so, that when I go to the bathroom at night he turns the light on for me.”

Now the doctor was just...

What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened?

Close the door, I'm dressing.

I bought my dad a refrigerator for his birthday.

I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it

How can you tell if your refrigerator has two elephants inside of it?

The door won't close.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar and says he'll drink anything that has gin in it

The Bartender decides he wants to impress the man with something creative. He grabs some cold-pressed mango juice from the refrigerator, squeezes in the juice from a small lemon, adds some ginger ale, and garnishes it with rosemary and an orange twist. Finally he adds the gin.

As the man fini...

Susie, the mother of two teenagers, shared her worries with a friend.

"I'm worried about my children's failing eyesight. My daughter can't find anything to wear in a closet full of clothes and my son can't find anything good to eat in a refrigerator full of food."

I put a new freezer next to the refrigerator

now they're just chilling.

Haiku can be fun

But doesn't always make sense

Refrigerator

How do you know if there’s a stegosaurus in your refrigerator?

The door won’t close.

How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

(This is a 6 in 1 joke)
Person 1: You have 500 bricks. If you throw one off a plane, how many will you have left?
Person 2: 499.
Person 1: Correct!

Person 1: How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Person 2: That’s not physically possible.
Person 1: Wrong, you open the ...

*Ring ring* Is your refrigerator running?

No. Do you know someone who can fix it?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guys: If you are still stuck on a late Christmas present for the Wife. Get her a refrigerator.

Her little face will light up when she opens it.

Failing that, get her some slippers and a dildo.

If she don't like the slippers, she can go fuck herself.

Sitting in a refrigerator

This guy comes home from work early and runs up several flights of stairs to surprise his wife. As soon as he gets inside he smells cigar smoke and immediately gets the notion that his wife was fooling around with another man. Convinced he is still in the appartment, he checks every possible hiding ...

Why don't they make refrigerators circular?

Because that would make them 360 degrees.

St Peter was doing market research with the applicants at the Pearly Gates. Three men were awaiting entry.

"Cause of death?" St Peter asked the first.

"I suspected my wife was cheating on me," the first man replied, "so I came home early and burst into my apartment on the twenty-first floor. I ran into the bedroom and my wife was lying naked on the bed. I searched the apartment but found no-one. ...

You can say all you want about refrigerators

It's what's good on the inside that really counts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jesus turns on the light.

A doctor asks his patient how he's been. The man says, "Great and the Lord is with me. Every time I use the bathroom at night He turns on the light and turns it off when I'm done." The Doctor asks the man's wife if she thinks the man is delusional. She asks why. The doctor says, "He thinks the Lord ...

So I'm cleaning out my refrigerator and couldn't help to notice what a great blue cheese selection I have.

Not intentionally.

When I told my wife that I still had the body of a 16 year old, she laughed.

But she stopped when I showed her my refrigerator.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Heaven is Getting Crowded

Heaven was starting to get a little too crowded, and as a result, God asked St. Peter to be a bit more selective about who was allowed to enter.

"From now on, I want you ask everyone in line to explain to you the circumstances of their death. If they had a rough go, let them in. Otherwise, pl...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men arrive in Heaven at the same time.

As they approach the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter appears before them.

"The rules are simple: to get into Heaven, first you have to tell me how you die. If I'm satisfied with your story, you can come in."

The first man steps forward.

"Imagine this. You come home to your sixth-floo...

Where's the bathroom again?

The doctor says, “Larry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes...

COVID Humor

Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.

I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerato...

What do hospitals and refrigerators have in common?

If you pull the plug, the vegetables start to decompose.

Everytime i lose weight

I find it again in the refrigerator

Need a joke about a refrigerator for work

I work in a refrigerator manufacturing plant and am giving a presentation next week. I would like to start out the presentation with a joke to lighten the mood. Anyone have any short, clean jokes about refrigerators?

I walked into the kitchen and everything in the refrigerator was on the counter, even the shelves.

Confused, I opened the refrigerator and found my blonde wife sitting in it drinking from a bottle of juice, when I asked her why she was in there she said "It says refrigerate after opening!.".

Hello...is your refrigerator running?

I guess you're not in Puerto Rico.

What did the cannibal say as he took his spouse's thigh out of the refrigerator?

Today is the first day of the rest of my wife.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between a refrigerator and a black man?

A refrigerator doesn’t get shot for running

Answer this quiz and you won't regret it!

Q: There are 500 hundred bricks on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?

A: 499

Q: What are the three steps to putting an elephant into the refrigerator?

A: Open fridge, put elephant in, close fridge.

Q: What are the four steps to putting a giraffe in the refrigerato...

Is your refrigerator running?...

Cause it would probably be a better president #fridge2k16

Is your refrigerator running?

Good, mine too. See you at the refrigerator race tomorrow.

My daughter asked what I was doing with my shotgun, I said I was hunting decepticons. She laughed, I laughed, the refrigerator laughed, I shot the refrigerator. Turns out...

It's illegal to fire a gun within city limits, I got arrested.

A list of jokes [Long]

1. There are a hundred bricks on an airplane. One falls out. How many are left?

Answer: 99.

2. How many steps does it take to put a giraffe in your refrigerator?

Answer: Three--open the door, put the giraffe in, close the door.

3. How many steps does it take to put an e...

A refrigerator is the exact opposite of a drug addict.

It starts off in a box and then moves to a house.

What's the difference between a refrigerator and a drug addict?

A refrigerator starts in a box and moves into a house.

(This is not mine, but I don't know the source. Either way, I thought it should be shared.)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I came home the other day and found a note on the refrigerator.

It said, This isn't working, I've gone to my mother's. So I opened the fridge and the light came on and the beer was cold, so I don't know what the fuck she's talking about. But I hope she's back from her visit to make my supper ...

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