A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans

Stolen from Facebook:

A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked the flight attendant to take care of them for him.

She took the box and promised to put it in the crew’s refrigerator. He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible fo...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

It was getting crowded in Heaven one day, so Saint Peter decided for one day to only accept people who could make him laugh.

A man came walking up to the pearly gates and Saint Peter said to him:

“Alright bud, you’re only getting in today if you can make me laugh, so why don’t you tell me about how you died”

The man looked at Saint Peter and said

“Oh man it was awful, I was absolutely SURE my wife wa...

What’s the difference between my refrigerator and my girlfriend?

My refrigerator doesn’t fart when I take my meat out of it

A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal. The doctor says, “Larry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”

“Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.

A little later in the da...

Is your refrigerator running?

Because I may vote for it in 2020

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What’s the difference between a refrigerator and a black man?

A refrigerator doesn’t get shot for running

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

"Mom, why there's nothing in the refrigerator?"

"You're gaining too much weight, that's the reason."

"You're just jealous because I've got bigger boobs than you do."

"That's the point, Eric. You shouldn't have bigger boobs."

A microwave and a refrigerator get married. Who gives the speech?

The Toaster.

My missus was furious at me for kicking dropped ice-cubes under the refrigerator.

But now it's just water under the fridge.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two men died and went to hell

Guy A asked Guy B how he died. Guy B said “long exposure to the cold, hypothermia. How about you?”.

Guy A said “i decided to come home early to surprise my wife, but i found her in the bed naked and there were guy clothes on the floor. I confronted her but she refused to admit she was cheatin...

How do you know if there’s a stegosaurus in your refrigerator?

The door won’t close.

My wife left a note on the refrigerator for me...

"It's not working anymore. I just don't know what to do. I'm going to stay with my mother for awhile."

I opened the door, the light came on, the beer was cold. What the hell is she talking about?

I came home from work to see a note on the refrigerator: "I'm leaving you, and I'm taking the kids".

So I quickly pulled the plug out...you're not going anywhere!

You can say all you want about refrigerators

It's what's good on the inside that really counts.

What do hospitals and refrigerators have in common?

If you pull the plug, the vegetables start to decompose.

There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off how many are left?

499.

What are the three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator?

Open fridge, put an elephant in, close fridge.

What are the four steps to putting a giraffe in a fridge?

Open fridge, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close fridge.

The lion king is having a ...

How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

(This is a 6 in 1 joke)
Person 1: You have 500 bricks. If you throw one off a plane, how many will you have left?
Person 2: 499.
Person 1: Correct!

Person 1: How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Person 2: That’s not physically possible.
Person 1: Wrong, you open the ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Anti-Jokes

Whats green and smells like red paint? Green paint.

Whats worse than biting in to an apple and finding a worm? Getting raped by a giant scorpion.

A horse walks in to a bar. Several people get up and leave as they spot the potential danger in the situation.

What's brown and stick...

Is your refrigerator running?

Well you better go catch it!

I have bought my wife a refrigerator for Christmas

I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

LPT: If you accidentally drop ice cubes on the floor, quietly kick them under the refrigerator.

It’ll soon be water under the fridge.

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day...

Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?" 

So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've sus...

A little girl asks her mother why her name is Feather

"You see, daughter - when you were born, a feather blew in through the window and landed on your head." she replies.

"Then why is my name Leaf?" Asked her little brother. "You see," replied his mother - "when you were born, a leaf blew in through the window and landed on your head."

In...

Hello...is your refrigerator running?

I guess you're not in Puerto Rico.

What did the mayo say when you opened the refrigerator?

‘Shut the door! I’m dressing!’

Last night, my wife got mad at me for kicking some ice cubes under the refrigerator...

...but now it's just water under the fridge.

Need a joke about a refrigerator for work

I work in a refrigerator manufacturing plant and am giving a presentation next week. I would like to start out the presentation with a joke to lighten the mood. Anyone have any short, clean jokes about refrigerators?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I came home the other day and found a note on the refrigerator.

It said, This isn't working, I've gone to my mother's. So I opened the fridge and the light came on and the beer was cold, so I don't know what the fuck she's talking about. But I hope she's back from her visit to make my supper ...

Three men arrive at the Pearly Gates.

Three men arrive at the Pearly Gates and are greeted by St. Peter.

St. Peter: "I'm sorry gentlemen, but we only have enough room in Heaven for one more person. The one who died the most tragic death may enter."

St. Peter nods to the first man.

Man 1: "I've been suspecting that ...

I walked into the kitchen and everything in the refrigerator was on the counter, even the shelves.

Confused, I opened the refrigerator and found my blonde wife sitting in it drinking from a bottle of juice, when I asked her why she was in there she said "It says refrigerate after opening!.".

Three men approached the gate to heaven.....

Three men approached the gate to heaven and as there was only one opening left, the gatekeeper said that whoever had the most remarkable and worthy death could enter. He asked the first man how he died, and the man replied, "Imagine this -- I suspected my wife was having an affair behind my back and...

What did the cannibal say as he took his spouse's thigh out of the refrigerator?

Today is the first day of the rest of my wife.

Why was the ketchup in the refrigerator embarrassed?

He saw the salad dressing! Thank you thank you..

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Heaven's New Rule

Heaven is getting a little crowded, so God decides to have a new rule. The new rule is that no one can get into heaven from now on unless they had a really bad death. God explains this to all the angels, including St. Peter, who is the gatekeeper of heaven.

So St. Peter is waiting at the gat...

I have a girlfriend named Refrigerator

She always opens up to me

My daughter asked what I was doing with my shotgun, I said I was hunting decepticons. She laughed, I laughed, the refrigerator laughed, I shot the refrigerator. Turns out...

It's illegal to fire a gun within city limits, I got arrested.

Is your refrigerator running?...

Cause it would probably be a better president #fridge2k16

Is your refrigerator running?

Good, mine too. See you at the refrigerator race tomorrow.

Prank Caller- Hello! is your refrigerator running??

Me- No, but the dishwasher is..
Prank Caller- Huh???
Me- Yeah my wife's out on a jog...

I bought my wife a refrigerator for her birthday.

I know it's not the best gift in the world, but you should have seen her face light up when she opened it.

The girls I talk to are all refrigerators

It's not because they're fat, but because they're always running!

What is the difference between a refrigerator and little children?

Refrigerators don't scream and cry when I put my meat in it.

I got addicted to eating deli meat right out of the refrigerator...

But I decided to quit cold turkey.

Hey girl, are you an empty refrigerator?

Because you don't have to be running

Refrigerator rabbit

A man opens his refrigerator and is shocked to see a rabbit inside. He asks the rabbit, "What on earth are you doing in there?!" The rabbit says "this refrigerator is a Westinghouse, isn't it?" Confused, the man says "well, yeah, so?"
The rabbit replies "well, I'm westing."

What's the difference between a refrigerator and a drug addict?

A refrigerator starts in a box and moves into a house.

(This is not mine, but I don't know the source. Either way, I thought it should be shared.)

How do you know when to use "fridge" or "refrigerator"?

Open it, if there's a 'd' in it, it's a fridge.

A refrigerator is the exact opposite of a drug addict.

It starts off in a box and then moves to a house.

I saw a refrigerator call a cab once

Guess he was tired of running.

What happens when you put an elephant in the refrigerator?

Answer:It becomes cold duh!

What happens you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

What people say:It becomes cold?

Correct Answer: You can't put it there, the elephant is already in there.


The Lion is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend.... except one. ...

Adolf Hitler's Refrigerator

Adolf Hitler opens his fridge to find 5 gallons of Tropicana, 8 gallons of Cranberry Ocean Spray, 1 gallon of Grape Minute Maid and a pint of V8. How long until he eliminates all of the juice?

What do you get when you mix a car and a refrigerator?

A car-brrrrr-etor

I'll see myself out.