My girlfriend left a note on my refrigerator

It said "This isn't working, goodbye"

I opened the refrigerator and it's working just fine.

I always knock on the refrigerator door before I open it.

There might be a salad dressing.

Is your refrigerator running?

If so, I may vote for it.

Why shouldn’t you hang your diplomas on the refrigerator?

Because a refrigerator shouldn’t have too many degrees.

If your refrigerator is running

You better go catch it.

A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde flight attendant to take care of them for him. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator.

He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.

Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior. Shortly before land...

How do you fit an Elephant in a refrigerator ?

Open the door, shove in the Elephant, close the door.


*How do you fit a Giraffe in a refrigerator?*

Open the door, take out the Elephant, shove in the Giraffe, close the door.


*A plane has 20 bricks on the right hand side and 21 bricks on the left side. How do you balanc...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Don't say ANYTHING about your sex life around any "smart" device like Siri, Alexa, television or refrigerator.

I made that mistake, and I'm now getting popup ads for vacuum cleaners, cat litter and oil changes at Jiffy Lube.

What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened?

Close the door, I'm dressing.

I got my son a refrigerator for his birthday

I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it

Doctor, Doctor, doctor! Help me. My teenage son thinks he's a refrigerator.

Stay calm. I'm sure he'll chill out!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you kill a blue Elephant?

With a blue elephant gun obviously.

*How do you kill a red elephant?*

You choke it til it turns blue then use a blue elephant gun.

*How do you kill a green elephant?*

You tickle it til it turns red then choke it til it turns blue then use a blue elephant gun.

*How ...

Is your refrigerator running?

A man walks into a bar and is about to order a beer when he's interrupted by the bar phone ringing. The bartender answers. A voice asks, "Is your refrigerator running?" The bartender replies with a sigh. "Yes" The voice replies,"Good. Mine too. I'll see you at the refrigerator races tomorrow."

I came home from work to see a note from my girlfriend taped to the refrigerator. It said, "You're too literal. This isn't working, so I'm leaving you."

I don't understand. The light came on when I opened the door, and all the food was still cold.

A squirrel in the refrigerator

A man comes home after a hard day’s work and opens the refrigerator

to get a soda. Inside, he sees a squirrel taking a nap.

“What are you doing in my fridge?” the man asks.

The squirrel opens one sleepy eye and says, “Isn’t this a Westinghouse?”

“Um, yes,” the man replies...

Elephant in a fridge (what style of humour is this joke?)

How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

(This is a 6 in 1 joke)
Person 1: You have 500 bricks. If you throw one off a plane, how many will you have left?
Person 2: 499.
Person 1: Correct!

Person 1: How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Person 2: That’s not...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 guys died and went to heaven

As they were standing in front of the pearly Gates jesus appeared before them and explained, unfortunately we have been running at full capacity and at the moment we can only let in people in who died in an especially horrific way.

The first guy started to explain how he died. I left work ea...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Russian moves to America

(Mild swearing at the end)

A young man from the depths of Siberia, Dmitri, moves to America hoping to start a new life. He buys a nice apartment, lives comfortably and integrates himself into the community, as a fine, upstanding citizen of New York.

6 or 7 months later, his old friends...

If you accidentally drop ice cubes on the floor, just gently kick them under the refrigerator.

Soon it’ll be just water under the fridge.

So, apple, lemon, and pea escape from the refrigerator..

Happy to be free from their prison, they go to a bar to celebrate. Many bars later, they're all tipsy at best when they come across a hill.

Pea, being a energetic drunk, gets super excited saying, "Hey! Let's roll down the hill! Come on!" And before the other two object he launches hims...

A few hours ago I dropped a piece of ice

It slid under the refrigerator. I was really upset at first but now it's water under the fridge.

Why if there a 'd' in fridge and not refrigerator?

Because I'm an english pervert not an american pervert.

A refrigerator is the opposite of a drug addict.

It starts in a box and moves to a house.

Fresh Paint

A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away to paint the toilet seat. After he finished, he headed to the kitchen to raid the refrigerator. The wife comes home sooner than expected, and heads to the bathroom, sits down, and gets the toilet seat stuck to her rear.

She becomes...

Reddit is like a Refrigerator

I keep opening it hoping for something good, but it is just leftovers I don't want.

Larry goes to the doctor.

The doctor says, “Larry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between a refrigerator and a black man?

A refrigerator doesn’t get shot for running

500 bricks on a plane

Q. There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off, how many left?

A. 499

Q. What are the 3 simple steps of putting an elephant in a refrigerator?

A. Open refrigerator, put elephant in, close refrigerator.

Q. What are the 4 simple steps of putting a giraffe in a refrigerat...

A British man in a Jag is broke down on the side of the road

When the tow truck comes and the driver sees the Jag, he says "Hey you know why the British like warm beer?"

The Jag driver with a complete deadpan look says "I dunno. Why...?"

And the truck driver laughs and says "Because Lucas makes refrigerators too!"

Poem

Haikus are easy

But sometimes they don’t make sense

Refrigerator

Refrigerator kills all

St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, “Tell me about the day you died.” The man said, “Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn’t find him anywhere. So I went ou...

I used to worry about the ice cubes I’d kick into the abyss under the refrigerator.

But I figure, what the hell.

It’s old water under the fridge.

Piggy bank in the refrigerator

My cousin always "borrows" money from her older brother's piggy bank, which drives him crazy.

One day, she found the piggy in, of all places, the refrigerator.

Inside was this note: "Dear sister, I hope you'll understand, but my capital has been frozen."

Why did the little girl close her eyes after opening the refrigerator?

Because she saw the salad dressing.

If you're struggling to know what to get someone for a present, get them a refrigerator

And watch their face light up when they open it.

How can you tell if your refrigerator has two elephants inside of it?

The door won't close.

Three Men stand before the gates of heaven

The angel who was the keeper of the pearl gates then asks how each of the three mean died. The first man, a big burly individual said "I'd suspected my wife of cheating for some time now, so I came home early to confront her when I was positive the other man was somewhere in our apartment. And when ...

I thought my drier was shrinking my clothes because they don't fit any more.

Turns out, it was my refrigerator all along.

Need a joke about a refrigerator for work

I work in a refrigerator manufacturing plant and am giving a presentation next week. I would like to start out the presentation with a joke to lighten the mood. Anyone have any short, clean jokes about refrigerators?

Hey, is your refrigerator running?

Good. I'd vote for it over Trump or Biden any day.

I had a refrigerator that insults everyone.

Instead of keeping things cold it just burns everyone.

My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator

It's not cool man

An old man goes to the doctor...

He walks in and the doctor asks how he's feeling...
The man replies "Honestly Doc, I'm doing much better than usual, I have the Lord watching over me!"
Confused, the doctor asks "What do you mean the lord is watching over you?"
The man says excitedly "Well when I go to the bathroom, t...

How do you know if there’s a stegosaurus in your refrigerator?

The door won’t close.

3 Guys are waiting in line to enter heaven

Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so St. Peter had to tell the first guy, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"

The first man replies: "Well, for a while I've sus...

Why don't they make refrigerators circular?

Because that would make them 360 degrees.

It's a very busy day in heaven, so God tells the angel at the gate to only allow people in who've had a terrible last day on earth.

The angel calls the first guy up, and asks him how his last day on earth was. "Horrible! My last day on earth was the worst in my life! I came home from work early, because I was suspecting that my wife was cheating on me, and when I went into my house I saw her naked in bed! I checked all the cupbo...

I put a new freezer next to the refrigerator

now they're just chilling.

Is your refrigerator running?...

Cause it would probably be a better president #fridge2k16

What did the cannibal say as he took his spouse's thigh out of the refrigerator?

Today is the first day of the rest of my wife.

What is the difference between a refrigerator and a woman?

A refrigerator doesn’t moan when you put a piece of meat in it.

*Ring ring* Is your refrigerator running?

No. Do you know someone who can fix it?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guys: If you are still stuck on a late Christmas present for the Wife. Get her a refrigerator.

Her little face will light up when she opens it.

Failing that, get her some slippers and a dildo.

If she don't like the slippers, she can go fuck herself.

Is your refrigerator running?

Good, mine too. See you at the refrigerator race tomorrow.

I walked into the kitchen and everything in the refrigerator was on the counter, even the shelves.

Confused, I opened the refrigerator and found my blonde wife sitting in it drinking from a bottle of juice, when I asked her why she was in there she said "It says refrigerate after opening!.".

What's the difference between a refrigerator and a drug addict?

A refrigerator starts in a box and moves into a house.

(This is not mine, but I don't know the source. Either way, I thought it should be shared.)

Hello...is your refrigerator running?

I guess you're not in Puerto Rico.

My daughter asked what I was doing with my shotgun, I said I was hunting decepticons. She laughed, I laughed, the refrigerator laughed, I shot the refrigerator. Turns out...

It's illegal to fire a gun within city limits, I got arrested.

My mother claims that raw fish keeps disappearing from our refrigerator

It's the Ghost of sushi, ma

What do hospitals and refrigerators have in common?

If you pull the plug, the vegetables start to decompose.

Prank Caller- Hello! is your refrigerator running??

Me- No, but the dishwasher is..
Prank Caller- Huh???
Me- Yeah my wife's out on a jog...

Sitting in a refrigerator

This guy comes home from work early and runs up several flights of stairs to surprise his wife. As soon as he gets inside he smells cigar smoke and immediately gets the notion that his wife was fooling around with another man. Convinced he is still in the appartment, he checks every possible hiding ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I came home the other day and found a note on the refrigerator.

It said, This isn't working, I've gone to my mother's. So I opened the fridge and the light came on and the beer was cold, so I don't know what the fuck she's talking about. But I hope she's back from her visit to make my supper ...

How do you know when to use "fridge" or "refrigerator"?

Open it, if there's a 'd' in it, it's a fridge.

A couple were living together after five years of being together

One day the girlfriend is in the kitchen and on top of the fridge she finds $10000 and four eggs. She is baffled by what the money and eggs would be doing there, so she goes and asks her boyfriend about it. “Hey baby, why is there $10000 and four eggs on the fridge?” Her finding it jolted him. “Oh. ...

“Just put the jelly in the refrigerator” my mom yelled

“There’s not enough room” I responded as I tried to jam it in

What happens when you put an elephant in the refrigerator?

Answer:It becomes cold duh!

What happens you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

What people say:It becomes cold?

Correct Answer: You can't put it there, the elephant is already in there.


The Lion is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend.... except one. ...

So I'm cleaning out my refrigerator and couldn't help to notice what a great blue cheese selection I have.

Not intentionally.

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