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It was getting crowded in Heaven one day, so Saint Peter decided for one day to only accept people who could make him laugh.

A man came walking up to the pearly gates and Saint Peter said to him:

“Alright bud, you’re only getting in today if you can make me laugh, so why don’t you tell me about how you died”

The man looked at Saint Peter and said

“Oh man it was awful, I was absolutely SURE my wife wa...

Why should you always knock on the refrigerator door before opening it?

There might be a salad dressing.

A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal. The doctor says, “Larry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”

“Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.

A little later in the da...

My wife got angry at me for kicking the dropped ice cubes under the refrigerator...

But now it's all just water under the fridge

A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans

Stolen from Facebook:

A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked the flight attendant to take care of them for him.

She took the box and promised to put it in the crew’s refrigerator. He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible fo...

I put a new freezer next to the refrigerator

now they're just chilling.

Is your refrigerator running?

Well you better go catch it!

Reddit is like a Refrigerator

I keep opening it hoping for something good, but it is just leftovers I don't want.

If you're struggling to know what to get someone for a present, get them a refrigerator

And watch their face light up when they open it.

Three men approached the gate to heaven.....

Three men approached the gate to heaven and as there was only one opening left, the gatekeeper said that whoever had the most remarkable and worthy death could enter. He asked the first man how he died, and the man replied, "Imagine this -- I suspected my wife was having an affair behind my back and...

So I'm cleaning out my refrigerator and couldn't help to notice what a great blue cheese selection I have.

Not intentionally.

How do you know if there’s a stegosaurus in your refrigerator?

The door won’t close.

“Just put the jelly in the refrigerator” my mom yelled

“There’s not enough room” I responded as I tried to jam it in

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Two men died and went to hell

Guy A asked Guy B how he died. Guy B said “long exposure to the cold, hypothermia. How about you?”.

Guy A said “i decided to come home early to surprise my wife, but i found her in the bed naked and there were guy clothes on the floor. I confronted her but she refused to admit she was cheatin...

My wife left a note on the refrigerator for me...

"It's not working anymore. I just don't know what to do. I'm going to stay with my mother for awhile."

I opened the door, the light came on, the beer was cold. What the hell is she talking about?

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day...

Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?" 

So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've sus...

You can say all you want about refrigerators

It's what's good on the inside that really counts.

Why don't they make refrigerators circular?

Because that would make them 360 degrees.

I bought my dad a refrigerator for his birthday.

I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it

A little girl asks her mother why her name is Feather

"You see, daughter - when you were born, a feather blew in through the window and landed on your head." she replies.

"Then why is my name Leaf?" Asked her little brother. "You see," replied his mother - "when you were born, a leaf blew in through the window and landed on your head."

In...

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How do you get four elephants in a car?

Two in the front and two in the back.

How do you know there is an elephant in your refrigerator?
There's a footprint in the butter.

How do you know there are two elephants in your refrigerator?
There are two footprints in the butter.

How do you know there are three eleph...

How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

(This is a 6 in 1 joke)
Person 1: You have 500 bricks. If you throw one off a plane, how many will you have left?
Person 2: 499.
Person 1: Correct!

Person 1: How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Person 2: That’s not physically possible.
Person 1: Wrong, you open the ...

I came home from work to see a note on the refrigerator: "I'm leaving you, and I'm taking the kids".

So I quickly pulled the plug out...you're not going anywhere!

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What’s the difference between a refrigerator and a black man?

A refrigerator doesn’t get shot for running

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between my refrigerator and my girlfriend?

My refrigerator doesn’t fart when I take my meat out of it

LPT: If you accidentally drop ice cubes on the floor, quietly kick them under the refrigerator.

It’ll soon be water under the fridge.

Need a joke about a refrigerator for work

I work in a refrigerator manufacturing plant and am giving a presentation next week. I would like to start out the presentation with a joke to lighten the mood. Anyone have any short, clean jokes about refrigerators?

Hello...is your refrigerator running?

I guess you're not in Puerto Rico.

What did the mayo say when you opened the refrigerator?

‘Shut the door! I’m dressing!’

There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off how many are left?

499.

What are the three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator?

Open fridge, put an elephant in, close fridge.

What are the four steps to putting a giraffe in a fridge?

Open fridge, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close fridge.

The lion king is having a ...

What do hospitals and refrigerators have in common?

If you pull the plug, the vegetables start to decompose.

Three men arrive at the Pearly Gates.

Three men arrive at the Pearly Gates and are greeted by St. Peter.

St. Peter: "I'm sorry gentlemen, but we only have enough room in Heaven for one more person. The one who died the most tragic death may enter."

St. Peter nods to the first man.

Man 1: "I've been suspecting that ...

What did the cannibal say as he took his spouse's thigh out of the refrigerator?

Today is the first day of the rest of my wife.

I walked into the kitchen and everything in the refrigerator was on the counter, even the shelves.

Confused, I opened the refrigerator and found my blonde wife sitting in it drinking from a bottle of juice, when I asked her why she was in there she said "It says refrigerate after opening!.".

Why was the ketchup in the refrigerator embarrassed?

He saw the salad dressing! Thank you thank you..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I came home the other day and found a note on the refrigerator.

It said, This isn't working, I've gone to my mother's. So I opened the fridge and the light came on and the beer was cold, so I don't know what the fuck she's talking about. But I hope she's back from her visit to make my supper ...

Prank Caller- Hello! is your refrigerator running??

Me- No, but the dishwasher is..
Prank Caller- Huh???
Me- Yeah my wife's out on a jog...

Is your refrigerator running?...

Cause it would probably be a better president #fridge2k16

Is your refrigerator running?

Good, mine too. See you at the refrigerator race tomorrow.

Hey girl, are you an empty refrigerator?

Because you don't have to be running

My daughter asked what I was doing with my shotgun, I said I was hunting decepticons. She laughed, I laughed, the refrigerator laughed, I shot the refrigerator. Turns out...

It's illegal to fire a gun within city limits, I got arrested.

What's the difference between a refrigerator and a drug addict?

A refrigerator starts in a box and moves into a house.

(This is not mine, but I don't know the source. Either way, I thought it should be shared.)

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Heaven's New Rule

Heaven is getting a little crowded, so God decides to have a new rule. The new rule is that no one can get into heaven from now on unless they had a really bad death. God explains this to all the angels, including St. Peter, who is the gatekeeper of heaven.

So St. Peter is waiting at the gat...

Refrigerator rabbit

A man opens his refrigerator and is shocked to see a rabbit inside. He asks the rabbit, "What on earth are you doing in there?!" The rabbit says "this refrigerator is a Westinghouse, isn't it?" Confused, the man says "well, yeah, so?"
The rabbit replies "well, I'm westing."

A refrigerator is the exact opposite of a drug addict.

It starts off in a box and then moves to a house.

The girls I talk to are all refrigerators

It's not because they're fat, but because they're always running!

I got addicted to eating deli meat right out of the refrigerator...

But I decided to quit cold turkey.

What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator was opened?

"Close that damn door! Can't you see I'm dressing??"

I saw a refrigerator call a cab once

Guess he was tired of running.

What happens when you put an elephant in the refrigerator?

Answer:It becomes cold duh!

What happens you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

What people say:It becomes cold?

Correct Answer: You can't put it there, the elephant is already in there.


The Lion is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend.... except one. ...

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