Out Of The Closet Jokes - 43 Hilarious Out Of The Closet Jokes

Where did the guinea pig end up when it came out of the closet?

Gnawnia

My son came out of the closet today

I swear his body keeps falling out I knew I should have brought a better lock

What did the janitor yell when he jumped out of the closet?

Supplies!

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I asked my Spanish friend how her sex life’s been since she came out of the closet.

She says it’s less bien.

my brother just came out of the closet

I still don’t understand how he untied himself?

My wife said to come out of the closet already...

I said stop buying so many cute dresses then.

A husband walks into his bedroom to find his wife pulling all her clothes out of the closet.

"What's going on here?"

The wife replies that she's just looking for stuff to donate.

"Why don't you just throw them out?" The husband asks.

"Dear! There are so many unfortunate people who could use these clothes!"

The husband replies without missing a beat, "Honey, I kn...

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If gays come out of the closet, where do straights come out of?

Compton

I asked my dyslexic friend if his brother has come out of the closet yet, and apparently he has

He texted me he's in daniel.

When's the best time to come out of the closet?

When the coast is queer.

Today I came out of the closet to my girlfriend

She just screamed "WHO ARE YOU" and called the police

I came out of the closet to my boss and was fired on the spot

He’s still asking how I got in his closet

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Why did the homosexual come out of the closet?

He found his shirt.

It only takes about 5 seconds to find a shirt...

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I finally came out of the closet today

It took me forever to find the doorknob

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I got ridiculed, insulted, and thrown out for coming out of the closet.

That’s the last time I masturbate at IKEA.

Coming out of the closet would be a lot easier...

if my wardrobe wasn't so fabulous!

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Having no luck with the opposite sex! I am finally out of the closet...and now am...

'Buy'sexual.

I came out of the closet after 10 years of hiding!

It was a very long game of hide and seek. :(

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My brother recently came out of the closet.

I had been raised side by side with this man for my entire life. The whole experience has really opened up my eyes and made me reevaluate my views on homosexuality. Maybe I DO hate the gays...

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What does a chemist say when he comes out of the closet for being bisexual?

Iodine, Americium, Bismuth.

I came out of the closet today...

And I'm currently enjoying the wonderful world of Narnia!

After a long struggle, my uncle finally came out of the closet.

He has Alzheimer’s, and thought it was his truck.

I came out of the closet to my mom today

but she told me I hadn't completely cleaned up so I had to go back in

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Somebody told me my clothes were gay.

I said "Yeah, they came out of the closet this morning."

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How do I keep her awake?

A man went into work one day and asked his best friend for advice on a “personal matter.”

“Every time me and my wife are 69ing; she always tends to fall asleep. Do you have any ideas how I can stop this from happening?”

His friend surprised says “I used to have the exact same problem!...

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Three young men hit on a hot woman at a club.

After a few drinks and a lot of small talk, she brings them back to her place and says she's going to change into something more comfortable. When she reappears, she's wearing a skintight leather suit.

"You boys want to know what I do for fun?" she asks, a malicious grin creeping across her f...

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It's a little known fact that most vacuums are gay

They're always coming out of the closet

An old woman tells her husband that if he walks across the kitchen floor after she mops again she's going to kill him.

The next time she mops the kitchen floor he does it again. He gets the kitchen floor dirty and tracks water into the living room. She does as promised. Without saying a word she goes to their bedroom, gets his pistol out of the closet, and shoots him dead in his recliner.

Then she calls 911 ...

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My roommate told me my clothes look gay.

I was like, don’t be a dick dude; they just came out of the closet

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Premature Ejaculation,,,

A man was having a problem with premature ejaculation, so he went to the doctor.

The doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself."

That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol and ran home to his wife.
...

Wife came home early from work

So the other day my wife unexpectedly came home early from work and asked me if I wanted to play Monopoly with her. I agreed but while we were playing, I caught her cheating. I called her out on it and she just shrugged and said, "if you're not cheating, you're not trying!" That's when her sister bu...

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I've never understood why homophobics wore clothes

because clothes come out of the closet and that's gay

Why does a reusable Christmas tree never stand up straight?

Because it just came out of the closet

Why are monsters hipsters?

Because they've been coming out of the closet since before it was cool.

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Guide to pooping at work

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the 2013 Survival Guide for taking a du...

Our Christmas pageant moved online at the last minute due to COVID

So my wife is now barking orders: “I need a bathrobe for my Joseph!”

“No problem!” I replied, digging one out of the closet.

“I need a doll for my Jesus!”

“I’ll get one from the kids’ room!” I call over my shoulder, already on my way.

“I need a rustic backdrop for my in...

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A man was having problems with premature ejaculation. This was affecting marital relations with his wife so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem.

In response the doctor said, “When you feel the urge to ejaculate, try startling yourself.”

On the way home the man went to a gun store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try out this suggestion he ran home to his wife. When he got home he was surprised and delighted to find...

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I am pretty sure my cat is gay

Though he seems a bit too insecure of it since he keeps coming out of the closet over and over , poor guy.

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When can you tell if a boogeyman is gay?

When he comes out of the closet.

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a man walks into a bar

he sits down and orders 3 double vodkas, the bartender asks 'rough day ha?'. to this the man replies 'yea. i just found out my older brother is gay'. the bartender smiles sympathetically and services him his drinks.

the next day the same man walks into the same bar and orders the same drinks ...

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What is a homophobic child's worst nightmare?

A monster coming out of the closet!

After entering what appeared to be a whole new world I witnessed incredible things - a man-beast union composed of a human top and goat bottom, a queen who wore a gown made of icicles, a huge furry lion who ruled over it all.

Eventually though I decided to go home. I came out of the closet and told my parents of the adventures I'd had. They're very closed minded though - they said it was perverted and sent me to conversion therapy.

My brother keeps bragging about having an inside man.

I'm not sure whether to call the FBI on him or congratulate him on coming out of the closet.

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