UPJOKE
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Fridge Jokes

I had five hundred Hershey Bars in my fridge and my friend had one in his. I pressured him into giving his to a homeless person.

That's basically how celebrity charity appeals work.
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My coworker keeps complaining about his lunch being stolen from the break room fridge.

Monday morning he brought in a turkey and provolone on wheat bread. Put it in the fridge. By lunch time it was gone.

Tuesday he brought in ham and cheddar on white bread. Put it in the fridge, again gone by lunch.

Today he brought a chicken ceaser wrap. Gone by noon.

I hope he...
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I bought my girlfriend a fridge for our anniversary...

I know it wasn't a great gift, but I loved seeing her face light up when she opened it.
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My son asked me, “Dad, can I eat the last piece of cake in the fridge?” I smiled and said, “Sure..."

"But the dining room would probably be more comfortable.”
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My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “It’s not working. I can’t take it any more. I’m going to my mom’s.” Confused and extremely worried, I slowly opened the fridge door. The light came on, the beer was cold.

What the hell did she mean?
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Europe is like a fridge

You have the freezing cold part at the top.

Then in the middle, you have cheese, cold meat, and a good drinks selection.

Then, down the bottom corner, there's just turkey and grease.
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It is cloudy and snowing outside, and I just realized I ate the last piece of cheese in the fridge.

Ain’t no sunshine when cheese gone.
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Got home to find my wife had left a note on the fridge that said "This isn't working I'm going to my mum's"

I opened up the fridge. The light was on and the beer was cold. I'm not sure what she was talking about.
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I remember the good old days when you could raid the fridge in the middle of the night…

…and it wouldn’t tell on you
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There were two sisters, one called Petal and one called Fridge.

One day, Petal asks her parents, "Why did you call me Petal?" and they replied "Because when you were a baby, a petal fell on you." And then Fridge says "bllaaarrarararraraaarg".
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If you ever bump into a fridge there is no need to be sorry

The fridge is cool with it
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I got my best friend a fridge for her birthday.

I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
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I always knock on the fridge door before opening it

I do it just in case there's a salad dressing
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Old Fridge

A guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying, "Free to good home—you want it you take it." For three days, the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it.

He eventually decided that people wer...
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Rabbit in the fridge (only for old-timers)

A man went into the kitchen to make breakfast and was shocked to see a rabbit sitting inside his refrigerator.

He yelled "Hey! What are you doing in there?!"
The rabbit asked back "Well this refrigerator is a Westinghouse, right?"
"I guess... What difference does that make?"
"I...
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My wife keeps getting mad at me for eating leftovers straight from the fridge.

I told her that it's really hard to quit cold turkey.
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*opens your fridge and sees 2% milk*

Hey bro, you should charge your milk.
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I programmed my smart fridge to tell me how much space each item is occupying.

I think it speaks volumes.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The fridge joke

The afterlife is too full. The guard at the gates is advised to not letting anyone in without a good story.

First guy arrives.

Guard: "I will only let you in If your story is good enough."

The guy says: "Alright then. After I got home from work early, I found my wife lying nake...

If you cannot find your dog, open the fridge door.

He’s standing right behind you.
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I just told my boss I'm fed up of working in a shit hole: the toilets are never cleaned, there's mould in the fridge, there's never any hot water and the place hasn't been hoovered once

Apparently he can't do anything about it if I work from home

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A man invites some of his fetish club over for breakfast....

They are catching up on life and swapping stories about work, their grandkids’ birthdays, their recent stock market fortunes, and so on, when the subject of what they’re most proud of comes up.


Gerald, a 35 year old dentist, proudly exclaims, “Of everyone here, I by far, have the larges...

If you accidentally drop ice cubes on the floor, just gently kick them under the refrigerator.

Soon it’ll be just water under the fridge.
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I'm very pleased with my new fridge magnet

So far I've got eight fridges
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My wife gave out to me this morning, because our fridge was full of stir fry.

Oh god I must have being sleep wokking again.
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I thought I had illegal software in my fridge but then I realized...

It is open sauce
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A guy driving a Kia.

A guy driving a Kia pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce...

The driver of the Kia rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, "Hey, buddy, that’s a nice car. You got Wi-Fi in your Rolls? I’ve got Wi-Fi in my Kia!"

The driver of the Rolls looks over and says s...
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What is the difference between a fridge and a vagina?

A fridge doesn't fart when you take out some meat.

What do you call an encyclopedia in the fridge?

Cold, hard facts
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What do me and my fridge have in common?

Were both empty inside and weigh a tonne
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When I walked into my kitchen in the middle of the night, I caught my pet hen masturbating in front of the open fridge.

I guess the chicken came before the eggs.

There are 24 hours in a day... and 24 beers in my fridge. Coincidence?

No, I'm just an alcoholic.
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So I put a giant map of the world up on the wall and gave my wife a dart. I told her wherever it lands is where we go on holiday.

I guess we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.
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My girlfriend left a note on the fridge saying, “This isn’t working. I am leaving, good bye.”

I opened up the fridge and it seems to be working just fine...and she says I’m the stupid one?
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I just got myself a Motown fridge

It stays at a steady Three Degrees, Four Tops.
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Last night I was drunk and told myself I needed to stop drinking. I went into the fridge the next day and grabbed a beer

Cause I'm not going to listen to a fucking drunk talking to themselves.

I left some burgers sitting in my fridge since the horse-meat scandal.

AND THEY'RE OFF!!
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NSFW... A waitress and a chef at a Chinese restaurant go into the walk in fridge at work.

They are both overtaken with horniness and start to fool around.

The waitress says, "I want 69."

The chef says, "Why do you want Beef with Broccoli now?"

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Two tomato's are chilling in the fridge

The first one says "Dang, its kind of cold in here"

The second one backs away, and says "Holy shit its a talking tomato"

What do you get if you cross a stereo and a fridge?

Very cool music.
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What do you call a "Grilled Cheese" after a few days in the fridge?

Chilled Grease
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What did the fridge say to the oven?

You're kinda hot
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Why if there a 'd' in fridge and not refrigerator?

Because I'm an english pervert not an american pervert.
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Elephant in a fridge (what style of humour is this joke?)

How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

(This is a 6 in 1 joke)
Person 1: You have 500 bricks. If you throw one off a plane, how many will you have left?
Person 2: 499.
Person 1: Correct!

Person 1: How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Person 2: That’s not...
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I knocked on the fridge

My girlfriend asked me: “Why do you knock on the fridge?”

I thought she knew why, but obviously she didn’t.

I told her: “Because there could be a salad dressing..”
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A keen hunter takes his wife deer hunting for the first time in her life.

He first explains the basics to his wife, and then says: "One thing is super important: Whenever you shoot something, you must claim it right away. Or else if someone else gets to the kill, they might claim it. So if you want deer meat in the fridge, make sure you're quick to claim it."

Of ...
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I opened the fridge today and the milk was singing a Michael Jackson song

I think it’s Bad
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A lady who is cheating on her husband

There's a lady who is cheating on her husband. One day while they are having sex she hears her husband pull into the driveway. Her boyfriend says "oh no! What should we do?!" She says "hurry! Get dressed and go to the living room!" Once they're in the living room she starts sprinkling baby powder al...

I have a fridge that beeps when it detects mold

Spoiler alert
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Why are married women heavier than single women?

Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
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The groceries decide to turn the fridge into a club

They each get assigned jobs for the club. The beef guards the front door, the veggies sell ticket, the soy sauce serves the drinks…

And the bacon strips.
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Hottest week of the year and my fridge breaks.

Not cool
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At the Pearly Gates, St. Peter announces that due to overcrowding, only extremely gruesome deaths will be admitted into heaven today, sorry for any inconvenience.

The first man comes up and Pete says, "How did you die?"

"Well, I's been suspicious that me wife been cheating on me, so I comes home early from work today to catch her, I does. She acts all innocent, she does. She says, 'Go ahead, search the apartment if that will make you feel better,' she ...

After trying many fruits and vegetables in my kids lunch, their favourite by far was sliced cucumber.

I don’t know if it was our source, or our fridge, but they only really stayed fresh for a few days. This meant that at least twice a week I was stopping at the corner grocery store to just grab a couple cucumbers.

After a couple months it became obvious that I kept buying them from the same c...
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I was trying to close my fridge but something was keeping it open.

It was a jar.
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I downloaded Chrome on my Samsung Smart Fridge.

It became an oven.
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Two eggs are chatting in a fridge

The first one says: eeewwww, look at the egg in the corner, it’s completly rotten. The second egg replies: yes, you’re right, it’s green and covered with hair, sooo disgusting.
The third egg turns around, rolls his eyes and declares: I am a kiwi, stupid...
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What do you get when you put an 8-year old in the fridge?

A chilled!
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A husband calls the Sheriff's office to report his wife missing.

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!

Sheriff: Height?

Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sheriff: Weight?

Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sheriff: Color of eyes?

Husband: Sort ...
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Why did the girl blush when she opened the fridge?

She saw the salad dressing.
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I asked my wife why there was an empty milk bottle in the fridge?

"In case someone wants a black coffee."
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My 4yr old was struggling to open his yoghurt, today.

When he suddenly mumbled, "Fucking shitty lid!". My wife immediately looked at me and said, "I wonder where he's got that from?". I said, "The fucking fridge, you silly cunt."

What did the ranch say to the fridge?

What did the ranch say to the fridge?

Close the door, I’m dressing.



My 11 year old daughter just told this at dinner and I told her I would post it to reddit.
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Why are you selling a broken fridge?

That's not cool.
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You're hungry. In the fridge there is a bag of bread, jar of jam, a can of tuna, and some milk. To answer the riddle, what do you open first?

This thread!
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Met a guy that lives in a fridge the other day...

..he was cool
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So last night I had to do every married man's worst nightmare, defrost the fridge.

Or as she likes to call it, foreplay.
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Yesterday, I looked in the fridge and figured I had enough milk to last to the end of the year.

Today, I'm not so sure.
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A women is cooking eggs in the kitchen when her husband comes running in…

Immediately, he sees the eggs and gasps in horror.

"Be careful! CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh, my GOSH!"

The wife, startled at her husband's violent reaction, dashes to the fridge to get some butter.

"You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!"...

Saw a note by my girlfriend on the fridge this morning.

It said: "I'm sorry, but it just doesn't work anymore..."


The lights were still functioning and the beer was cold. I don't see the problem.
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There's a strange new trend at work, people are writing names on the food in the company fridge

Today I had a chicken sandwich named Kevin
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I was walking past my fridge last night when I thought I heard two onions singing a BeeGees song.

But when I opened the door it was just the chives talking.
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Fridge Noises

"Why does my fridge have to sound like a burglar breaking in?" I complained at midnight.

"What kind of fridge do you *have?*" the burglar asked.
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I lost my job because I kept eating directly from the fridge

Don’t they know how hard it is to find a Morgue currently hiring?
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How do you tell if there's been an elephant in your fridge?

There's footprints in the butter.

My roommate keeps leaving the fridge open.

Had to tell her it's not cool at all.
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What did the British guy say when he paid £2,000 for his fridge?

"Goodness gracious, that costs a ton!"
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Where in the fridge do you store your genetic experiments?

In the CRISPR drawer.
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