My girlfriend left a note on the fridge, saying “this isn’t working anymore”

I open the fridge and it’s working fine WTF

I always knock on the front door of my fridge ...

Just in case there is a salad dressing .

This was horrible lol

Did you know that LSD is a really effective weight loss drug?

How are you supposed to eat if there’s a dragon guarding the fridge?

I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday.

I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

One morning at a doctor's clinic a patient arrives complaining of serious back pain.

The doctor examines him and asks him:

"Tell me what happened to your back...?"

​

The patient replies: "Sir, I work for a local night club. This morning I went to my apartment early and heard some noise in my bed room.

On entering I knew someone had been with my...

There once were two sisters: one named Petal, the other named Fridge.

One day, as the entire family was relaxing in a field on a nice summer day, Petal asks her parents: “Mommy? Daddy? Why did you name me Petal?”

Her parents replied: “Because, darling Petal, on the day you were born, a beautiful red rose petal was whisked into the air, flew softly in the wine, ...

My fridge has an annoying habit to make noise if I leave it open too long

I wish it would just chill

My fridge stopped working today...

It's so not cool!

What part of the fridge do you keep the gene edited baby in?

The CRISPR

You're hungry. In the fridge there is a bag of bread, jar of jam, a can of tuna, and some milk. To answer the riddle, what do you open first?

This thread!

Before my girlfriend walked out, she left a note on the fridge saying "This isn't working"

Which is weird, because the beer I pulled out after reading the note was pretty cold.

What's the difference between a woman and a fridge?

A fridge doesn't fart when you take the meat out

Met a guy that lives in a fridge the other day...

..he was cool

I got home last night and opened the fridge....

And I caught the salad dressing

I bought my girlfriend a fridge for her birthday

I know its not the greatest gift, but you should've seen her face light up when she opened it.

A single man comes home late, looks to see what is in the fridge, and goes to bed

A married man comes home late, looks to see what is in the bed, and goes to the fridge.

My wife left a note on the fridge.

My wife left a sticky note on the fridge: “This is not working, I’m going to my mom's house.” I opened the fridge door, the light came on, and the juice was cold. What the hell did she mean?

I got my wife a fridge for Christmas.

Should have seen her face light up when she opened it.

I got her a prosthetic leg too. Not as her main present, just as a stocking filler...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What’s the difference between a fridge and a Vagina?

The fridge doesn’t fart when you pull out your sausage.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three guys are knocking on heavens door. (Sorry for my english)

After a few minutes Petrus comes, wearing his cozy pyjamas, saying: "Guys its late, i need to get some rest, we are closed for today."
"Ehm Petrus", one man replied, "we are kinda dead so please open the door."
Petrus sighs. "Ok, each one of you tells me the story of his death, and if ...

Why did the old man store his newspapers in his fridge?

Because he wanted the freshest news

My family wanted me to go to rehab for my addiction to eating Thanksgiving leftovers straight from the fridge

But I wanted to go cold turkey

I asked my wife why there was an empty milk bottle in the fridge?

"In case someone wants a black coffee."

Q: Whats the differences between a redneck girl and a fridge?

A: The fridge doesn't fart when you take you meat out of it.

There were two sisters, one called Petal and one called Fridge.

One day, Petal asks her parents, "Why did you call me Petal?" and they replied "Because when you were a baby, a petal fell on you." And then Fridge says "bllaaarrarararraraaarg".

Phil got in an argument with his girlfriend two days ago.

And even though he was right she was still very upset. Because she was so mad Phil thought it would be smart to sleep on the couch. The next morning he woke up to a note on the fridge. “I’m going to be with my mother today, when I get home there had better get me something that’ll go from 0-200 in l...

You spend your whole life thinking your fridge is a fridge...

...and one day you walk in to the kitchen and your fridge is ajar!

I have a fridge that beeps when it detects mold

Spoiler alert

God notices that heaven was getting too crowded...

So he sits down with St Peter and says
“Look, too many people are getting in. As of tomorrow at 12pm, no one is getting in unless they’ve had a really bad day”

Peter nods, and the next day he sits down at the pearly gates when a man arrives

“Hi sir, welcome to heaven, hey new rules....

My girlfriend left a note on the fridge saying, “This isn’t working. I am leaving, good bye.”

I opened up the fridge and it seems to be working just fine...and she says I’m the stupid one?

I was so proud of the moldy cheese in my fridge.

It had become very cultured.

My roommates a thief. I left a 6 pack of beer in my fridge last night and this morning there's only a couple left.

It's a 4 gone conclusion.

What did the dad say when he couldn't find any ice in the fridge?

Noice!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I found a note on the Fridge from my Wife After spending the night drinking with the Boys.

It read " I've had it. It's not working! I'm going to stay with my mother!

​

I opened the fridge, the light came on and the beer was cold... I'll never understand that bitch....

I don't know if you knew this. But if you store your urine in the fridge for 21 days...

There's a 100% chance you're single.

My missus was furious at me for kicking dropped ice-cubes under the refrigerator.

But now it's just water under the fridge.

I'm very pleased with my new fridge magnet.

So far I've got twelve fridges.

My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This is not working"

I should probably contact a therapist to help with my relationship issues. Maybe it's not too late.

Went to a fancy dress party as a fridge.

People laughed but at least I looked fresh.

An Eskimo buys a fridge

An Eskimo buys a fridge. His fellow Eskimo wonders: "What for?". The happy fridge owner answers: "To warm myself up. -50 degrees outside. -5 inside the fridge".

3 men arrived at the gates of heaven.

God said he would only allow them in if they had a funny story of how they died.

The first man was a window cleaner, working on the 14th floor of an apartment building. Suddenly, his scaffolding broke, and he fell. Luckily he was able to grab onto the windowsill of a 13th floor apartment. Bef...

The police just found a pizza topped with human noses in a serial killer's fridge.

It was a Dahmer nose pizza.

A restaurant owner visits a fridge repair shop...

...and asks, "do y'all do walk-ins?"

Bricks

Q: There are 500 bricks on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?
A: 499
Q: What are the three steps to putting an elephant in the fridge?
A: Open door, put elephant in, close door.
Q: What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in the fridge?
A: Open door, take elephant out, put gi...

You close the fridge door and hear something fall inside...

That, my friends, is the sound of someone else's problem.

This is odd. People started naming their food in the office fridge.

Today I ate a sandwich named Linda..

There's a strange new trend at work, people are writing names on the food in the company fridge

Today I had a chicken sandwich named Kevin

Me: [looking through fridge] there's nothing to eat in here!

Mortician: I know right

Three guys walk up to the gates of heaven

St Peter is standing there and says to them

"I'm sorry, but we only have room for worst case scenarios today."

The first guy walks up and says; " Well, heres my story - I've known my wife has been cheating on me for months, so yesterday I went home early, and sure enough, I found a man...

There's 24 hours in a day, and 24 beers in my fridge. Coincidence?

Not really, I'm just an alcoholic.

Two guys show up in Heaven at the same time. The first guy says he froze to death, and the second guy tells him that he died of a heart attack....

"How did that happen?" asks the first guy.
"Well, I came home and thought I heard my wife with another man. But when I searched the house, I couldn't find anybody. I was so stricken with remorse for wrongly accusing my wife of infidelity, I had a heart attack and died on the spot."

"Geez,"...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Hey mom, why don't we have any food in the fridge?

"Look down, can you see your feet?"

"No?"

"That's why, you fat ass."

"Mom, you're just jealous of my bigger boobs."

"You're not supposed to have bigger boobs than me, Eric."

Two sisters

There were once two sisters, one called Petal and one called Fridge. One day, Petal asks her parents, "Why did you call me Petal?" and they replied "Because just after you were born, a petal fell on you."

"Bllaaarrarararraraaarg", says Fridge from the corner.





Edit: neat...

Just checked that the carton of milk in my fridge expired December 31.

Unlike me, it had a date on New Year’s Eve.

What do me and my fridge have in common?

Were both empty inside and weigh a tonne

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Which one is different from the other three and why - a fridge, a washing machine, a tv or a woman?

Most people say it's the tv because it's the only one that doesn't belong in the kitchen but they are sexist. It's the tv because it's the only one that doesn't leak when it's fudked.

What do you get if you cross a highway with a fridge?

Killed.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two girls die and go to Heaven...

They meet up there, realizing they know each other and are surprised to see the other one dead.

"Wow! What happened to you?" Asks the firs one.

"Hypothermia.. It was soo cold, but after a while I just wanted to sleep and looks like I am never waking up. How about you?"

"Heart at...

Eggs in my fridge

I bought 12 eggs today but there was no room for them in my fridge. Dozen fit

Only let the worst deaths into heaven...

It's a busy day in heaven, the queue is long and Saint Peter is interviewing everyone to get in. It's a busy day so God tells saint Peter to only let the people with the worst deaths in.

So the first guy goes up to Saint Peter and tells him his story. He was worried that his wife was cheating...

They say drinking milk makes you stronger...

So I drank a carton of milk, and then I tried to push my fridge and it didn’t even budge.

Frustrated, I decided to drink a bottle of vodka, and guess what happened?

The fridge moved itself

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two eggs in a fridge

"Why are you so green and hairy?"

"That's because I'm a kiwi asshole".

Why did the bottle of ranch scream when the fridge door opened?

He was dressing.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I once met a guy named Charlie who pulled chicks left and right...

I asked him "how do you have so many girls?" and he mentioned that they always come back to him.

"My secret, is before having sex, I'll whip out my dick and bang it against the fridge. That way it gets numb and I last longer making my woman feel good."

So that night I went home to my w...

Moses and Joshua found a class of water in the fridge...

They decided to split it.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I'm voting my fridge for president.

Because America needs to chill the fuck out.

At my university the only way to have a mini-fridge in my room is to have a medical condition...

Apparently being an alcoholic doesn't qualify...

Guy comes home and finds a note on the fridge..

..from his wife. It says "I'm sorry honey, it's not working. I'm leaving, I'll be at my sisters".

Guy is a bit confused, so he opens the fridge and the light comes on. He says "that's weird, seems to be working fine to me. Seems a bit dramatic?"

Smart kid

STUDENT: Sir may i ask a question?

Teacher: Yes!

Student: how do u put an elephant inside a fridge?

Teacher: i don't know !

Student: its easy you just open the fridge and put it in. May I ask one more question!

Teacher: okay ask!

Student: how do you ...

I caught my roommate trying to hide his glasses in the fridge today..

He said he was trying to look cool.

Why did no one finish the half eaten flan in the fridge? [OC]

Because it was a bit-off pudding

Somebody put an enchilada in the fridge.

We told him to get it out, but by the time they did, it was an en*chill*ada.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My wife has the body of a porn star...

..which is kind of creepy and takes up a lot of room in the fridge.

A mother has two daughters and a son.

A mother has two daughters and a son. One day her first daughter comes up to her and says: "Mother, why am I named Rose?", to which she replies: "That's because when you were a baby a rose landed on your head".

Her second daughter later comes up to her and says: "Mother, why am I called Petal...

Why does a blonde put empty bottles in her fridge?

For guests that aren't thirsty.