I have a bunch of canned meat in my pantry. No matter how many I was pulling out, more were appearing in its place.

...I got Spammed.

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My wife died while getting potatoes from the pantry in the basement.

Him: My wife died today.

Friend of him: Oh my god! That's tragic, I am so sorry! How did that happen?!

Him: She was cooking and needed potatoes, so she went to the pantry in the basement to get some. Then she fell down the stairs.

Friend of him: Wow. And what did you do after th...

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A man joined a company

A man joined a big multinational company as a trainee.
On his first day,  he dialed the pantry and shouted into the phone: "Get me a fuckin' cup  of coffee, quickly!"
The voice from the other side responded: "You fool, you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to?"
...

Three Homemade Jokes (Puns) ENJOY

Two worms are going through a pantry. They go through some apples, pears, and other things. After a while, they get STUCK, in something hard and green. One says to the other, "Man, we really got ourselves into a pickle."

An archaeologist is going through an underground cave and comes across a...

Unfaithful Husband

A wife was beginning to suspect that her husband had become unfaithful, coming home at odd hours of the night with the excuse that he was out playing cards with friends.


One night the couple had plans for a masquerade party, but as the husband was getting ready the wife mentioned that she...

A man walks into a bar and says...

"I just got back from the battered woman's shelter, and boy are my arms tired."
Everyone laughed.
The man sat at the end of the bar drinking alone.
He was proud of the fine craftsmanship of the shelves he put up in the shelter's pantry, regardless of what others may think.

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I decided to play a joke on my dad

Every morning for the past month, I put an index card that said "You are what you eat" in every compartment in the fridge, cupboards and pantry. He was starting to get really annoyed with all of it.

This morning, as I tucked into my bread slathered with delicious peanut butter at the tabl...

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A man finds himself as the cook on a ship...

A man finds himself as the cook on a ship that has just set off on a voyage. He does a quick survey of the kitchen. Everything seems good except in the pantry he finds several bags of potatoes that are all shaped like penises. "That's weird," he thinks as he goes and finds the captain.

"...

An old lady goes up to the help counter at her local electronics store clutching a jar of marmalade.

"I found this in my pantry," she says, "and I'm wondering if it will work. You see? I've strained out all the peel."

"Ma'am, I have no idea what you're talking about," says the geek working the desk.

"The last time I was here," she replies, "you told me that when my printer says LOAD...

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A group of scientists are performing research on building civilizations...

they decide to put three people on an island. Not wanting to ignore cultures, they choose an American, a European, and a Japanese man. The three men are told they will be left on the island for three months and after which their survival and civilization building skills will be evaluated.
The Am...

My grandpa Lloyd was 5'5", and his brother Chris was 6'3". When they were growing up...

...and it became clear that they were going to have a significant difference in their heights, Lloyd asked Chris if he was doing anything special to become so tall.

Chris leaned in close and quietly said, "It sounds silly, but every night before I go to bed, I sneak into the pantry, take a ha...

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I'm having one of those off days

For example, this morning, I made a bowl of cereal, but instead of putting the milk back in the fridge and the cereal back in the pantry, I fucked my neighbors wife

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Your last day on Earth is supposed to be your worst...

... And St. Peter decides who gets into Heaven based on how shitty their last day's been. Well, there's 3 guys and the first guy arrives at the Pearly Gates and St. Peter asks, "Why's your day been so terrible?"

And the guy replies, "Well, my wife's been actin funny for a few months now. She ...

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