I just read in the news that tons of Americans are sending their old clothes to poor people in Africa.

Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. I've never seen an African with a 52 inch waist.

My grandfather died and I inherited some of his clothes.

He was a farmer and he loved getting dressed up every year for the local fair and exhibiting his prize chickens.

For this occasion, my grandmother would spend the entire year searching through thrift shops looking for silly neckties for him to wear, and she loved finding ones with chickens o...

A Cowboy Walks Into a Saloon, Naked . . .

. . . except for his boots.

“Where your clothes at, Slim?”

“Back at the barn. I was feeding the horses when a beautiful blonde drove up. She says, ‘I wanna show you something in the barn. Follow me.’

So I followed her. She says, ‘Take off all your clothes.’ So I do. Then she tak...

Courtesy of my seven year-old son: What do cows call their clothes?

Moo

When a girl changes her clothes in front of you, she's either really interested or you're level 99 friend-zoned

Or she hasn't spotted you in the tree yet

My tailor really enjoys fixing my clothes

Or sew it seams.

A little girl says to her mommy, instead of buying me clothes for my birthday can you send them to all of the little girls that haven't got any, you know the ones.

The ones on daddy's computer.

Why kind of clothes do cowboys wear?

Ranch dressing

Did David Bowie just have one set of clothes when he performed?

Or did he have several ch-ch-ch-changes?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My neighbor came at me really aggressively, asking if I knew anything about her underwear disappearing from her clothes line.

I can tell you I nearly shit her pants

Vacationing in Hawaii, two priests decide to wear casual clothes so they won’t be identified as clergy.

They buy Hawaiian shirts and sandals, and soon hit the beach. They notice a gorgeous blonde in a tiny bikini.

"Good afternoon, Fathers," she says as she strolls by.

The men are stunned. How does she know they’re clergy? Later they buy even wilder attire: surfer shorts, tie-dyed T-shirt...

My friend is making a lot of money by selling photos of salmon dressed up in human clothes...

It’s like shooting fish in apparel...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Someone told me my clothes were gay

I said "I know. They came out of the closet this morning."

A Psychic is buying clothes in a store.....

​

**Employee:** How about this shirt?

**Psychic:** That shirt is too small.

**Employee:** How can you know! You didn't even try it on!

**Psychic:** I'm a medium.

I'm considering stuffing my clothes with candy bars.

That way, I'll always have Twix up my sleeve.

My mum tripped and dropped the basket of clothes she'd just ironed.

It may sound far-fetched but it's true. I watched it all unfold.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A bully at school told me my clothes were gay

So a choked that asshole with my "Pale Heather Cashmere Scarf".

Every time I go to a comic convention in my normal clothes, people ask me who I'm going as. I finally have an answer...

Thanks to Marvel, I'm going as a Skrull in disguise...

I spilled laundry detergent all over myself and the basket of clothes I was carrying. There was nothing I could do.

My hands were tide.

Things kids and clothes have in common.

Put a burning iron to them and they straighten up real fast.

My girlfriend messaged me that she knew I was cheating. I went to the apartment. The locks were changed, my clothes burnt on the lawn. She yelled from the window "I hate you, never come back."

So I went home to my wife.

If you see a trail of clothes leading to the bedroom, you know what that means...

I dropped them trying to carry all my laundry in one load

Cop spots a guy driving past with a South American plate. He's eating some kind of Mexican food and has no clothes on! He pulls him over and asks, "Where are you from? What are you eating? Aren't you cold?"

"Chilly", he replies.

My neighbour told me to stop changing my clothes near my window.

I asked him, "Why? I keep the curtains closed and the lights off."

He said, "I know that, I just think you should change inside of your house."

Do you wash your clothes, or worsh your clothes?

I asked my friend this last night and he looked me dead in the face and said


The only thing I worsh... Is my cestershire.

What does Snoop Dogg use to clean his clothes?

Ble-otch.

An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes and spread her legs. The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room."

"You put in my husband's teeth last
week," she replied. "Now you have to
remove them."

The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes.

So the one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door. That way we won’t get paint on our clothes and can move more freely to get the job done faster. So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who ...

A man died and was on his way to heaven..

An angel was talking to the man while his soul was leaving his body.

The angel said he could go to heaven quicker if he took off his sock.

So, the man wanting to go to heaven, took his sock off and was flung up into heaven with lightning speed.

When arriving to Heaven, God said,...

Why do people wash their clothes in Tide?

Because it's too cold out-Tide

Try to buy some clothes from a spiritualist shop today.

Turns out they could only offer mediums.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I just told my next door neighbour we are moving out next week and she said “Great, that means you can stop stealing my undies off my clothes line”!

I nearly shit her pants when she said it.

Difference between a unicylcist with nice clothes and a bicyclist with terrible clothes?

A tire.

;)

My sister asked me to remove her clothes.

So I took off her shirt.

Then she said, "Take off my skirt."

I took off her skirt."Take off my shoes."

I took off her shoes.

"Now take off my bra and panties."

and so I took them off.

Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my thin...

I can't stand to see my wife in her workout clothes in the gym, it's embarrassing.

I have no way to hide my erection.

What do you call man living in Mississippi who likes to dress up in women's clothes?

A Mississippi Queen

I saw twins in cute matching outfits and asked them, “Your mom always buys matching clothes for you?”

One replied, “Sir, we are not twins. License and Registration please.”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My roommate told me my clothes look gay.

I was like, don’t be a dick dude; they just came out of the closet.

What did the corn cob say when all of its clothes fell off?

OOHH, SHUCKS!

I make clothes faster than anyone

Call me Tailor Swift

Son: Father, can I go outdoors with no clothes on?

Father: Naked.

My wife said I am giving all of the clothes I no longer wear to charity, I said just chuck them, she replied there are a lot of starving people in the world that can benefit from them, I replied.

Anyone that fits your clothes are definitely not starving.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Unbutton my blouse..

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand...

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the ...

Two engineers meet each other on their way into work ]

One of them has a new bike, and the other one asks where he got it. "Well," the first one says, "it's the funniest story. A beautiful woman rode up to me, threw down the bike, ripped off her clothes, and said 'Take what you want.'" "Good choice," said the other engineer, "the clothes probably wouldn...

What does a magician have under their clothes

An Abracada-bra.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I saw two men wearing matching clothes. So I asked them if they were gay...

I was promptly arrested

After a one night stand, a man climbs out of the woman's bed and puts on his clothes...

says "It was great to meat you" and leaves.

If you take a shower with your clothes on, it shows you're crazy.

If you take a shower with your clothes off, it shows your nuts.

Wife: I have a bag full of used clothing I'd like to donate.

Husband: Why not just throw it in the trash? That's much easier.

Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes.

Husband: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.

So...I’m (male) at Gap shopping for clothes back in senior year of high school...(long)

...looking for some clothes for college. I’m in the midst of picking out a new pair of pants, when out of the corner of my eye, I notice a middle-aged woman staring at me from the other side of the store. I ignore it briefly, and continue looking for my clothing purchases.

10 minutes later, ...

I saw the best Halloween costume. The guy had dirty clothes, dried blood- the works.

“Zombie?” I guessed.
“No. Art major.”

Why were the nun's worn clothes colorfast?

Because old habits dye hard.

Did ya hear about the new dry cleaners who only had a couple of customers?

They had two clothes

An explosion happened at a clothes store.

There were many casual tees.

What do you call when a robot buys new clothes?

A soft wear update

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I've never understood why homophobics wore clothes

because clothes come out of the closet and that's gay

What sort of clothes do lawyers wear?

Lawsuits

My next door neighbour came over and accused me of stealing her clothes!

She threatened to call the Police! I was so scared I nearly peed her pants! :'(

My wife gave me a bag of our children's old clothes

And asked me donate them to kids that don't have any.
So I went around town asking people where I can find kids without any clothes and for some reason I ended up detained...

My wife handed me a bag of clothes

She wanted me to donate it to the poor and hungry. When I threw it in the trash she got angry. I told her, any one that can fit in those clothes dosen't know hunger.

What do you call a really old clothes maker?

Tailor old as time.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My neighbor asked if I knew anything about the missing clothes from her clothes line

I almost shit her pants

I was in a restaurant last night, when all of sudden, a guy wearing white clothes and a tall white hat burst out of the kitchen. He was ranting, dribbling and touching diners as he passed by. "What the hell was that?!?" I asked the waitress.

She replied, "Oh, the chef's special."

Some of my clothes are getting ripped to shreds when I use the washing machine.

It keeps happening every time. I think it's a vicious cycle.

"Show me your's and I'll show you mine"... She proceed's to take off her clothes...

...I proceed to show her my WW2 cr38 anti-personnel mine.

A middle-aged housewife decides to donate her old clothes to charity

Wife: "I've gathered up some old clothes and I need you to drop them off at the church charity."

Husband: *Groaning* " Why not just throw them out? It's easier that way."

Wife: "Because there are people out there who are poor and starving that need these clothes."

Husband: "Dar...

My wife had been missing for a week.

The cops said to prepare for the worst.
So I went down to Goodwill and got all her clothes back.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

We were so poor when I was a kid, my parents used to get my school clothes from the Army surplus shop.

Nothing wrong with that you might think but do you realize how badly bullied you get going to school dressed as a Japanese sniper.

Why wasn't the young serpent wearing any clothes?

Because he was snake-kid

I like to dress up in the clothes of unwashed nuns.

I guess I've got a dirty habit.

I got banned from donating clothes to the local orphanage

Apparently they don't appreciate Batman costumes......

What do you call a cabinet that wears clothes?

A dresser

Every Friday night I go out dressed in a nun's clothes.

What can I say? It's a habit.

Where does a Sith Lord buy their clothes?

At the Darth Mall.

What are a serial killer's clothes made from?

Paul E. Ester

Why does Mike Pence keep all of his clothes in drawers?

Because he can't stand anything coming out of the closet.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman has just removed her clothes to get into the shower when she hears a knock on the door.

Woman: "Who is it?"

Blind Guy: "It's the blind guy!"

Woman: *Well, he can't see me anyway....* (opens the door)

Blind Guy: "Nice tits! Where do you want these blinds?"


Credit: A barber in SC years ago. If it's a repost, I'm sorry.

3 men walk into a bar. The first one gets naked and sells his clothes. The second one punches himself with a chair and sues the barman. The third one challenges a service dog to a dance-off for a reward. Who made the biggest profit that night?

Their drug dealer

I asked my wife if I look fat in the clothes I had on.

She said, "YES! You look disgusting and your bulging out of the sides, take off my damn clothes!"

I said, "Now you know what I see every day".

Why did Donald Trump rush to Macy's?

He heard they had Ivanka's clothes half off

A husband texts his wife from the office, "Hey Hon! Can you please throw my dirty clothes in the laundry?"

Several minutes passed and there was no response so he texted back.

"Oh I forgot to mention that I got a huge bonus! I really think we can get you that new car at the end of the month!"

"OMG!!!!! Are you serious?!!", she texted back.

"Nah, I just wanted to make sure you got my f...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My wife took off her clothes last night and said,

"what turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?"

I said, "your sense of humour"

A lady calls her butler into her room and says, "Jeeves, take off my dress"

He casually says, "Yes, Madam", and removes the dress. Then she says, "Jeeves, take off my underwear". Again, he says, "Yes, Madam" and removes the undergarment. She then says, "Jeeves, take off my bra". Again, with no hesitation he says, "Yes, Madam" and removes the bra. Then she says, "Now ou...

Wife tells her husband

Wife: "I got a bag full of clothes i don't wear anymore. I want to donate them."

Husband: "Why do you want to donate them? Just throw them away."

Wife: "There are poor starving people, who might need some clothes that weren't worn a lot."

Husband: "Women who fit in your clothes ...

My friend just had a medical exam to work at one of those big box home improvement stores and found out he has hemophilia. Before that the most interesting thing about him was his stylish taste in clothes.

He's the most dope hemo at home depot.

A nun decides to dye her worn out clothes

A nun decided that it was much cheaper to just dye the colour back into her worn out clothes instead of buying new clothes. Every year, the nun would go to a nearby dye shop to dye her clothes and hang them to dry.

When she returned to the store for the 10th time, she dyed and hung her clot...

Reposting jokes is like buying clothes...

You use other people's material to make yourself look good.

Why do hipsters always have to go back home to change into more suitable clothes

Because they went outside before it was cool

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A husband find his wife in bed with no clothes and sweating and he says

What's wrong honey? A HEART ATTACK, the wife says.
So he runs out to call for help when he trips with his 3 year old kid and the kid screams "Daddy daddy there's a monster in my closet" So the dad quickly goes to the kid's closet and finds his best friend naked and the dad says, - Johnny!! you so...

I can't wear any clothes with a crocodile on them because I get an allergic reaction.

I'm Lacoste intolerant.

My wife screeched at me, "What's this pile of clothes doing on the floor!?"

I whispered, "It's a dead Jedi!"

They say self-wearing clothes are for lazy people.

Suit yourselves!

What do you call a nun who has a history or ruining her clothes in the wash?

A bad habit.