I just read in the news that tons of Americans are sending their old clothes to poor people in Africa.

Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. I've never seen an African with a 52 inch waist.

When a girl changes her clothes in front of you, she's either really interested or you're level 99 friend-zoned

Or she hasn't spotted you in the tree yet

Why does Waldo wear striped clothes?

Because he doesn’t want to be spotted.

My wife says if I buy any more clothes she's gonna leave me...

I guess our marriage is hanging by a thread.

My grandfather died and I inherited some of his clothes.

He was a farmer and he loved getting dressed up every year for the local fair and exhibiting his prize chickens.

For this occasion, my grandmother would spend the entire year searching through thrift shops looking for silly neckties for him to wear, and she loved finding ones with chickens o...

Judo - it's the art of folding clothes perfectly...

...while the people are still in them.

A Cowboy Walks Into a Saloon, Naked . . .

. . . except for his boots.

“Where your clothes at, Slim?”

“Back at the barn. I was feeding the horses when a beautiful blonde drove up. She says, ‘I wanna show you something in the barn. Follow me.’

So I followed her. She says, ‘Take off all your clothes.’ So I do. Then she tak...

What do you call men in women's clothes running

a drag race

Where do owls go to buy their young baby clothes?

At the owlet malls

Courtesy of my seven year-old son: What do cows call their clothes?

Moo

A wife is clearing out her closet

And she finds loads of clothes to put to the charity shop. The husband walks in and says “just throw them away, there’s no need to put them to the charity shop”

The wife replies “aye there is, there’s starving children in Africa who could need these clothes”

And the husband says “darli...

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Someone told me my clothes were gay

I said "I know. They came out of the closet this morning."

My wife said she was leaving me because of my obsession with wearing different clothes every half an hour...

I said, “Wait, I can change!"

What do you call your mother ironing your clothes for you

Free press

Little Girl says to her Mum, I want to donate a lot of the clothes I don't wear to all of the little girls that don't have any, Mum says who are these Girls??

You know, the ones on Daddy's computer.

Judy tripped and dropped the basket of clothes she had just ironed...

I watched it all unfold.

My friend is making a lot of money by selling photos of salmon dressed up in human clothes...

It’s like shooting fish in apparel...

How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat?

She starts fitting into your wife’s clothes.

If you’re wearing cowboy clothes...

You’re Ranch Dressing

What does the ocean use to clean its clothes?

Tide

My son is going away to sleep away camp, and I was told to sew a label with his name on it on all his clothes.

...so rather than do all that I just changed his name to Calvin Klein.

Where do sheep get their clothes?

At the Wool-mart!

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My nieghbour started shouting and screaming about me stealing clothes off her line...

I was so scared, I almost crapped her pants.

What type of clothes is most suitable for royals?

A royal-tee

A man won the lottery and called his wife asking her to pack her clothes

Wife: should i pack for a tropical or a European holiday.

Husband: pack whatever you want, what's important is that you are not there when i get home.

A group of theives are going to retail stores and are stealing clothes by sizes

Police say they are still at large.

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My clothes are all gay..

They came out of the closet

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My neighbor came at me really aggressively, asking if I knew anything about her underwear disappearing from her clothes line.

I can tell you I nearly shit her pants

What do clothes do when they're bored?

They *hang out*

Vacationing in Hawaii, two priests decide to wear casual clothes so they won’t be identified as clergy.

They buy Hawaiian shirts and sandals, and soon hit the beach. They notice a gorgeous blonde in a tiny bikini.

"Good afternoon, Fathers," she says as she strolls by.

The men are stunned. How does she know they’re clergy? Later they buy even wilder attire: surfer shorts, tie-dyed T-shirt...

My tailor really enjoys fixing my clothes

Or sew it seams.

I never understood people's fanatic attachment to their clothes..

..it's just sew material.

Did you hear about the gang of thieves that systematically shoplifts clothes in size order?

The police say they are still at large.

A Psychic is buying clothes in a store.....



**Employee:** How about this shirt?

**Psychic:** That shirt is too small.

**Employee:** How can you know! You didn't even try it on!

**Psychic:** I'm a medium.

I'm considering stuffing my clothes with candy bars.

That way, I'll always have Twix up my sleeve.

Did David Bowie just have one set of clothes when he performed?

Or did he have several ch-ch-ch-changes?

My neighbour told me to stop changing my clothes near my window.

I asked him, "Why? I keep the curtains closed and the lights off."

He said, "I know that, I just think you should change inside of your house."

The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes.

So the one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door. That way we won’t get paint on our clothes and can move more freely to get the job done faster. So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who ...

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A bully at school told me my clothes were gay

So a choked that asshole with my "Pale Heather Cashmere Scarf".

What do you do if you get chocolate spread on your girlfriend's clothes?

Nutella

Every time I go to a comic convention in my normal clothes, people ask me who I'm going as. I finally have an answer...

Thanks to Marvel, I'm going as a Skrull in disguise...

My sister asked me to remove her clothes.

So I took off her shirt.

Then she said, "Take off my skirt."

I took off her skirt."Take off my shoes."

I took off her shoes.

"Now take off my bra and panties."

and so I took them off.

Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my thin...

Cop spots a guy driving past with a South American plate. He's eating some kind of Mexican food and has no clothes on! He pulls him over and asks, "Where are you from? What are you eating? Aren't you cold?"

"Chilly", he replies.

I spilled laundry detergent all over myself and the basket of clothes I was carrying. There was nothing I could do.

My hands were tide.

Do you wash your clothes, or worsh your clothes?

I asked my friend this last night and he looked me dead in the face and said


The only thing I worsh... Is my cestershire.

If you see a trail of clothes leading to the bedroom, you know what that means...

I dropped them trying to carry all my laundry in one load

An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes and spread her legs. The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room."

"You put in my husband's teeth last
week," she replied. "Now you have to
remove them."

Why do people wash their clothes in Tide?

Because it's too cold out-Tide

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I just told my next door neighbour we are moving out next week and she said “Great, that means you can stop stealing my undies off my clothes line”!

I nearly shit her pants when she said it.

Difference between a unicylcist with nice clothes and a bicyclist with terrible clothes?

A tire.

;)

I saw twins in cute matching outfits and asked them, “Your mom always buys matching clothes for you?”

One replied, “Sir, we are not twins. License and Registration please.”

I can't stand to see my wife in her workout clothes in the gym, it's embarrassing.

I have no way to hide my erection.

My wife said I am giving all of the clothes I no longer wear to charity, I said just chuck them, she replied there are a lot of starving people in the world that can benefit from them, I replied.

Anyone that fits your clothes are definitely not starving.

A man died and was on his way to heaven..

An angel was talking to the man while his soul was leaving his body.

The angel said he could go to heaven quicker if he took off his sock.

So, the man wanting to go to heaven, took his sock off and was flung up into heaven with lightning speed.

When arriving to Heaven, God said,...

I make clothes faster than anyone

Call me Tailor Swift

Two engineers meet each other on their way into work ]

One of them has a new bike, and the other one asks where he got it. "Well," the first one says, "it's the funniest story. A beautiful woman rode up to me, threw down the bike, ripped off her clothes, and said 'Take what you want.'" "Good choice," said the other engineer, "the clothes probably wouldn...

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My roommate told me my clothes look gay.

I was like, don’t be a dick dude; they just came out of the closet.

Try to buy some clothes from a spiritualist shop today.

Turns out they could only offer mediums.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I saw 2 guys with matching clothes and asked them if they are gay...

They promptly arrested me.

Son: Father, can I go outdoors with no clothes on?

Father: Naked.

If you take a shower with your clothes on, it shows you're crazy.

If you take a shower with your clothes off, it shows your nuts.

What does a magician have under their clothes

An Abracada-bra.

After a one night stand, a man climbs out of the woman's bed and puts on his clothes...

says "It was great to meat you" and leaves.

Why were the nun's worn clothes colorfast?

Because old habits dye hard.

Wife: I have a bag full of used clothing I'd like to donate.

Husband: Why not just throw it in the trash? That's much easier.

Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes.

Husband: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My neighbor asked if I knew anything about the missing clothes from her clothes line

I almost shit her pants

What did the corn cob say when all of its clothes fell off?

OOHH, SHUCKS!

I saw the best Halloween costume. The guy had dirty clothes, dried blood- the works.

“Zombie?” I guessed.
“No. Art major.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've never understood why homophobics wore clothes

because clothes come out of the closet and that's gay

An explosion happened at a clothes store.

There were many casual tees.

My wife gave me a bag of our children's old clothes

And asked me donate them to kids that don't have any.
So I went around town asking people where I can find kids without any clothes and for some reason I ended up detained...

What sort of clothes do lawyers wear?

Lawsuits

I was in a restaurant last night, when all of sudden, a guy wearing white clothes and a tall white hat burst out of the kitchen. He was ranting, dribbling and touching diners as he passed by. "What the hell was that?!?" I asked the waitress.

She replied, "Oh, the chef's special."

What do you call a really old clothes maker?

Tailor old as time.

Did ya hear about the new dry cleaners who only had a couple of customers?

They had two clothes

A middle-aged housewife decides to donate her old clothes to charity

Wife: "I've gathered up some old clothes and I need you to drop them off at the church charity."

Husband: *Groaning* " Why not just throw them out? It's easier that way."

Wife: "Because there are people out there who are poor and starving that need these clothes."

Husband: "Dar...

My next door neighbour came over and accused me of stealing her clothes!

She threatened to call the Police! I was so scared I nearly peed her pants! :'(

I like to dress up in the clothes of unwashed nuns.

I guess I've got a dirty habit.

I got banned from donating clothes to the local orphanage

Apparently they don't appreciate Batman costumes......

Some of my clothes are getting ripped to shreds when I use the washing machine.

It keeps happening every time. I think it's a vicious cycle.

"Show me your's and I'll show you mine"... She proceed's to take off her clothes...

...I proceed to show her my WW2 cr38 anti-personnel mine.

My wife handed me a bag of clothes

She wanted me to donate it to the poor and hungry. When I threw it in the trash she got angry. I told her, any one that can fit in those clothes dosen't know hunger.

My wife had been missing for a week.

The cops said to prepare for the worst.
So I went down to Goodwill and got all her clothes back.

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A woman has just removed her clothes to get into the shower when she hears a knock on the door.

Woman: "Who is it?"

Blind Guy: "It's the blind guy!"

Woman: *Well, he can't see me anyway....* (opens the door)

Blind Guy: "Nice tits! Where do you want these blinds?"


Credit: A barber in SC years ago. If it's a repost, I'm sorry.

Where does a Sith Lord buy their clothes?

At the Darth Mall.

Why wasn't the young serpent wearing any clothes?

Because he was snake-kid

What do you call a cabinet that wears clothes?

A dresser

Why did Donald Trump rush to Macy's?

He heard they had Ivanka's clothes half off

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