Why was the worlds greatest painter's wardrobe so small?

He only ever needed one coat.

Dad: Hey why is there a lion and a witch in your wardrobe?

Son: It’s Narnia business!

I caught my wife hiding something at the back of her wardrobe. I asked “What’s that?”...

“It’s Narnia business!” She replied

My mum has so much stuff in her wardrobe

So why does she keep saying she wishes the coat hanger worked?

A lion, a witch, and a wardrobe enter a bar; the bartender eyes them quizzically and asks, "what're you up to with all that?"

The lion responds gruffly, "Narnia business!"




... I'm sorry.

Who doesn’t like Lady Gaga’s wardrobe ?

Her drycleaner

A guy asked me what I was doing in the wardrobe.

I told him, 'Narnia Business'.

So, the wife receives her lover at home and her son arrives early from school and go to the bedroom's wardrobe to watch

So, the wife receives her lover at home and her son arrives early from school and go to the bedroom's wardrobe to watch.


When they were already both naked, the husband arrives early too and the wife puts the lover in the wardrobe too without noticing her son was already in there.

<...

A lion, a witch, and a wardrobe walk into a bar.

The bartender looks at ‘em all and says “I ain’t serving Narnia!”

A 12 year old boy comes home early from the playground

and to his surprise when he enters his house, he hears loud moaning voices coming from his parent's room, in a confused state he quickly hides in his room. His father also comes home early, and the boyfriend of his mother comes running down and hides in the kids room as well.

Kid: It's reall...

I was going through my wardrobe, trying to select a suit for my grandmother's funeral.

I said, "What shall I wear?"

"I don't really care," said my mum. "As long as you don't you stick out."

It's not easy being a necrophiliac.

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My wife was going through her wardrobe when she squealed, "Look at this! It still fits me after 25 years!"

I grumbled, "It's a fucking scarf!"

A man visited a movie studio and was browsing the wardrobe archives.

He asked a costume designer which were her favourite pieces.

“Well, that shirt there was worn by Pacino. That jacket was put together for De Niro. And these boots were made for Walken.”

After 5 years of marriage

After 5 years of marriage the wife finds £7,500 in cash and 4 eggs on top of the wardrobe.
Intrigued she asked the husband the meaning of it.

Husband: Well since we got married I've put one egg up there for every time you annoy me.

Chuffed that in all of 5 years the husband had coll...

A symptom of Covid-19 is losing your sense of taste

According to my wardrobe I've had it for years!

Blonde guy gets home from work...

Hears his wife screaming, coming from their bedroom upstairs. He sprints up, and opens the door to see his wife laying naked on their bed, sweating and panting.

"Honey! Help! I'm having a heart attack!"

He runs back down the stairs and starts dialing the ambulance, when his son and dau...

My family is full of neatfreaks

They have their entire wardrobe planned out for the week.

They even labled their underwear "Monday", "Tuesday", "Wednesday", etc.

I decided I wanna do this too to try to be a little neater so I started labeling my underwear, too

Right now, I'm wearing February

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A man returns home early from work one afternoon to find his wife spread out on the bed naked, puffing and panting.

“What are you doing?” the man inquires.
“Err,” she stammers back. “I… um… I think I’m having a heart attack!”
“Oh,” cries the gullible husband, “quick, I’ll call an ambulance!”

He runs downstairs, picks up the phone and begins dialing 911, when his son Johnny appears, sobbing his little...

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My girlfriend keeps complaining about how little space there is in the wardrobe

If she keeps this bullshit up, my wife might find her!

Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing hide and seek...

They decide that Einstein is seeking. Pascal finds a wardrobe and hides inside. Newton finds some chalk, and draws a 1 meter by 1 meter square on the floor and sits inside it. When Einstein finishes counting he turns around and sees Newton. "I found Newton!" Says Einstein. "Actually, " says Newton,...

Let's Pretend

At one night, a priest and a nun decided to get out of the convent together. They were looking for somewhere to pass the night, until they found a little hut, which only had a double bed and a wardrobe with some blankets. The priest asked the nun:

\- Should we sleep here?

\- Yes - the ...

An elderly woman phoned the police and said she saw her neighbour, naked walking around his bedroom blinds open.

Police turn up and says to her, sorry madam, but you cannot even see his bedroom, there is a fence blocking the view.

She replies, you can if you stand on top of the wardrobe.

Three men sat around a table in a bar and talked about their wives.

The first man says, "I think my wife is having an affair with an electrician. When I got home last night I found a pair of pliers and some insulating tape behind the radiator in the bedroom - we've not had any work done on the house, and I can't think of any other way they could have got there".
...

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Man goes to the doctors

he's having problems with premature ejaculation, the Doc says when you feel yourself coming you have to give yourself a fright and that will prolong ejaculation.

Two days later he is back in the doctors office and the Doc says how did it go?

Well, not to good, we were in the 69 positio...

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My wife has worked as a magician’s assistant for years now.

I think she has picked up a few tricks.

I came home from work early today and she was in the bedroom.

She said, “Abracadabra!” and my mate, Dave, came out of the wardrobe, stark naked.

Poor bastard must have wondered what the fuck was going on.

If you love someone, set them free.

Keeping people tied to a wardrobe in the spare room rarely ends in happiness

So I heard some rumbling in my wardrobe...

...and so I approached the door with some nerve-wracking caution. To my surprise I saw both a lion and a witch in there, looking startled but out of breath.

I asked the witch, "What are you doing in my wardrobe?"

She replied, "Narnia business."

Whenever my husband opens his wardrobe he shouts and curses.

I think he's a cross dresser.

New wardrobe

There is a woman who is married to a trucker. They live in a house next to a train station. Because of his job he is gone for work quite a lot, sometimes even months on end.
Everytime when the trucker comes home he will bring his wife a piece of clothing.
Well after all these years the wardrob...

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Alexa: I need sex.



**Husband:** Hey Alexa, I need sex.

**Alexa :** most certainly... you Don't worry. I am dimming the lights. Setting your AC to 22 degrees.

The Viagra is kept on top right shelf of your wardrobe. The vagina gel is kept next to it.

I have hired your favourite Thai massager...

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An attractive woman is in bed with her secret lover.

She hears her husband come home unexpectedly and tells her naked lover to jump into the wardrobe and hides his clothes. The husband walks into the bedroom to find his wife reading. “Hello honey, I got off work early and went to the gym, I desperately need a shower”. He opened the wardrobe door to ge...

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A wife comes home and finds her husband in bed with a young woman.

As she is reaching for the phone to call her lawyer, he says, "Wait a minute! I can explain everything!
"I was at the mall and I saw this young lady sitting with a sign saying 'Will work for food', and you know the yard has needed a good clean-up, so I told her if she was willing to come and cl...

"Mummy, why did you call me Rose"? The lady's daughter asked.

"well" her mother replied "when you had just been born your father bought me some flowers for Valentine's day, and a rose petal dropped on your head, so we called you Rose."

Her daughter, satisfied with this response skips away happily.

"Mummy!" her second daughter said "why did you ...

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A guy inherits a fortune...

A guy inherits a fortune and goes on a massive spending spree: Ferraris, yachts, private jets, the works.

He upgrades his wardrobe and goes to the most exclusive shops for bespoke outfits. When it comes time to get shoes, he wants something a little different.

The salesman shows him a ...

I visited my girlfriend today...

I visited my girlfriend today and while we were together I cracked a joke and I did hear laughter.

It came from the wardrobe.

What a horrible way to die

Two guys meet up in a bar.

The first one asks, "Did your hear the news - Mike is dead??!!!"

"Woah, what the hell happened to him?"

"Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn't brake properly and boom - He hit the curb,...

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A new young monk comes to the monastery.

A new young monk comes to the monastery. An elderly monk shows him around the monastery and says:

- There's a library here. You can use it whenever you like, except Thursday.

They go to the sauna.

- This is our sauna. You can use it whenever you like, except Thursday.

The...

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I was just reading that Martin Scorsese's film "The Wolf of Wall Street" broke a record by using the word "Fuck" or "Fucking" 506 times.

That actually beats a record set by me in 2003, trying to put an Ikea wardrobe together.

My wife came home from work and stormed angrily into the bedroom where I was sat.

"I get the impression you aren't being loyal to me," she said.

"Why?" I frowned.

"You've been very quiet recently. And you're always hanging around with that girl from work, Rachel?"

"Rochelle." coughed a voice from the wardrobe.

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A man strides into a bar, grinning from ear to ear.

He sets down at the bar and orders a beer. "In fact, make that a round on me."
The bar cheers, and the bartender brings him his drink, he asks, "So, why the celebration?"
"I am reinventing myself! A new man! Just a month ago, I was miserable. But then..." He laughs. "Then my life changed! I ha...

A wife wakes her husband in the middle of the night.

Her: "Honey, I have a question."

Him: "It's 2:30 in the morning, what do you want?"

Her: "If I died, would you remarry?"

Him: "What?... Well I hadn't really thought about it... I guess I would. Can we go to sleep now?"

Her: "I've got another question. If I died and you re...

Mike was a man who lived by himself

Though not exactly rich, he did well by himself, and worked hard and well at his job. One day, he received news that it looked like his business was going to be shut down. Mike worried about it, working harder, but his job closed just the same and, after a month out of work, he was low on finances...

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Hannibal Lecter escapes his prison, and begins a cannibalistic killing spree.

Bodies turn up all over the city, mutilated and butchered like livestock. The livers are missing from the bodies, as is muscle from the shoulders, legs and back, the tongues, a variety of human flesh all carved out and eaten by Lecter after killing his victims.

Not only that, but he escapes t...

I made this joke up when I was eight. I'm very proud of it.

What's in the wardrobe?

Narnia business.

"What would you like for your anniversary, darling?" asked the husband as the couple prepared to celebrate their thirtieth wedding anniversary.

"How about a new wardrobe full of designer labels?"

"No, I don't think so," said the wife.

"Then what about a new Mercedes?"

"No, I don't think so."

"Then what about a holiday in Bali?"

"No, I don't think so. You see, what I really want is a divorce....

As one door closes, another opens...

I really wish I'd followed the instructions building this wardrobe.

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A man suspects that his wife is cheating on him.

One day, he arrives home early from work, hoping to catch her in the act. He makes his way up to their 20th story apartment, and throws the door open with such force that the whole apartment shakes, and hears a gasp from his wife.

"Ah-ha!" He says, as he bolts into their bedroom, only to fin...

Two siblings, a boy and a girl opens their Christmas presents

The boy received a football hat while the girl received a wonderful gold necklace.

The next year, the boy received a puzzle and the girl received an new wardrobe full of clothes.

And the next year again, the boy finds out he got a cheap chinese phone while his sister received an iPhon...

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Mother asks little Johny to go to a shop...

...but she only has a £50 note therefore she says to him "I'm giving you £50 and you have to buy bread, milk and butter only. Do not buy anything else and bring the change back."

As he was told, he goes to a shop but he sees a huge teddy bear for £50 and he buys it. He comes back home...

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A man talks to the priest about the death of his friend

In the confessional, a man comes down and says:

- Father, did you know that Wilson died?

- How sad, son ... But what happened to him?

- He was driving his car near my house at full speed, the brakes failed and the car crashed into a pole. Wilson was launched through the windscre...

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2 ghosts meet in heaven...

Ghost 1: Hey


Ghost 2: Hey...


Ghost 1: So... How did you die?


Ghost 2: I was mistakenly locked up in a
refrigerator. At first i was chilling, then, i
started freezing, and then, i just couldn't breathe... Guess i died of suffocation.


Ghost 1: Wow.... ...

Arthur C Clarke, CS Lewis & JRR Tolkien walk into a bar...

Clarke, Lewis and Tolkien walk into a bar arguing about how characters should travel.

Clarke says they should take a spaceship and Tolkien says they should walk. Lewis says that can just step through a wardrobe.

When asked how that's possible Lewis says "Narnia business"

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There was a wife and her husband;

There was a wife and her husband, one day the wife saw that the socket was falling and was damaged, she asked her husband to repair it but he replied:

"Im not an electricist"

The second day the wife saw that there was some water pouring under the sink because the tube was broke and she...

A man comes home drunk late at night.

He hears his cuckoo clock strike four a.m.

Vaguely remembering he promised his wife to be home before midnight, his mind races to come up with a plan: He imitates the clock's call some more times, and his wife will be none the wiser. When he finally goes to bed, his wife doesn't say a word; n...

One day a cheerful man goes to hell.

He was very happy, making friends with everyone he met, until he sees a cold man shaking, so he ask “hello there! How did you died?”
“I died frozen, how did you died?”
He smiles and says
“Well... You know...”
“Come on, what was it, car-crash, cancer, killed?”
“No no, i died by happi...

What do you get when you cross C.S Lewis and a Commodore?

The Lionel Ritchie and the Wardrobe

Chaos Theory

Two friends are chatting in a pub.

- Have you heard that Mike died yesterday?

-- Oh no! What happened to him?

- He was about to pass our house driving his car when he crashed into a parking car on the side of the road, broke through the wind shield, flown through straight in our...

They say money doesn't grow on trees

But my cousin planted a few bushes with a funny smell in his wardrobe and is now making 4k a week

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Heavenly confusion

One beautiful sunny day in Heaven, St Peter the gatekeeper, the bouncer of heaven; is mildly surprised to see 3 men pop up before him at the very same time.

St Peter pulls out his notebook that contains all the names of of people allowed in, and says:

"OK, since you cant bring earthly ...

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The Lion, the Witch and a fabulous fashion sense

What did the Lion say to the Witch when she caught him coming out of the wardrobe?

"My sexual preference is Narnia business."

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A businessman returns home early from his business trip...

...and calls out to his wife. Hearing no answer, the businessman thinks that she must be out, and decides to go to his room to unpack and wait for her. However, when he reaches his room and opens his wardrobe, he discovers his wife inside, barely clothed. Suddenly, a naked man bursts out from behind...

Coming out of the closet would be a lot easier...

if my wardrobe wasn't so fabulous!

A son asks his mother a question

Son: Why is my cousin Rose called Rose?

Mother: Because a rose fell in her crib when she was a baby.

Son: Why is my aunt Lily called Lily?

Mother: Because a lily fell in her crib when she was a baby.

Son: Why is-

Mother: Please stop asking questions, Wardrobe.

7 more uncommon Russian Jokes

#1
A fisherman complains to his friend:
- Bloody neighbor! When I go fishing, he goes to my wife. When I stay at home, he checks my fishnets.

#2
A group of hunters meet an old hunter in the forest. They know that he is almost blind, so they start shouting:

- We are not deer! ...

Little Billy

Little Billy wakes up full of excitement on Christmas day. He rushes downstairs as fast as his little legs will carry him. Being from a poor family his parents can't afford much but he's grateful for what he receives. A small pile of inexpensive gifts are quickly opened by the young boy.

A li...

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Premature ejaculation.

A man was having premature ejaculation problems so he went to the doctor. The doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself." That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol and ran home to his wife. That night the two were ha...

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Fluffy Toys

A guy met a girl at a nightclub and she invited him
back to her place for the night. She still lived with
her parents, but they were out of town, so this was
the perfect opportunity.

They got back to her house and they went into her bedroom.
When guy walked in the door, he notice...

A new novice comes to a monastery...

and the abbot gives him a tour. After showing him all the rooms, he leads him to a wardrobe in the back of the dormitory. He says to him: "If you ever feel... earthly desires, you can go into this wardrobe."

"What happens in it?"

"You'll be given head to give your earthly desires a hea...

There was a pub quiz last week

And there was a round on Literature. The question was "Name the book where the characters all lived behind a wardrobe". Imagine the disgust when I shouted "The diary of Anne Frank"!

I was having a look...

In my mothers bedroom the other day and I found a whip, a mask and handcuffs in her wardrobe. I couldn't believe it... My mothers a superhero!!!!!

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A woman is putting clean laundry away...

She starts putting away her husband's clothes. Her husband's wardrobe has four drawers, the top one being his personal drawer. She was told to keep away from it by her husband. Curious, she opens it, and finds three golf balls, and dozens of stacks of banded bills.

Her husband arrives home a...

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