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Joe had suffered from really bad headaches for the last 20 years.

Joe had suffered from really bad headaches for the last 20 years.

He eventually decides to go and see a Doctor.

The Doctor said, 'Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicle...

How many times is too many times wearing the same underwear?

When you ask yourself when the heck did you buy leopard print

What do tight underwear and a cheap mansion have in common?

No ballroom!

After boasting to her mother about how great she is at doing head stands, Susan was advised not to practice it in her new school since her underwear is usually exposed.

Susan was proud at her achievement after her first day and was eager to tell Mum about the great audience of boys she attracted at school when showing off her skills.


Mother reminded her about exposing her panties of which Susan replied, "No Mum they were not seeing my panties."
...

What do you call Father Christmas without underwear?

Saint Knickerless,

I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear.

I ask him, "Why are you jogging in your underwear?" He says, "You came home from work early".

Why do the French wear such big underwear?

It's easier to make white flags.

Why don’t woodpeckers wear underwear?

Because their peckers are on their faces.

A man goes to a costume party wearing only his underwear with a woman on his back.

His friends see him, and ask, “What are you supposed to be?”


“Oh, I'm dressed as a turtle!”


“...a turtle?  How are you a turtle, and why is there a woman on your back?”


“Simple: that's Michelle.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call Thor's underwear?

His ass guardian

A friend got mad at me for smelling his sister's underwear.

I don't know if it was because she was still wearingthem or because the rest of the family was there. Either way it made the rest of the funeral very awkward.

What do you do when you have a hole in your underwear

You give them to a church on Sunday

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I just saw my wife walk by with her sexiest underwear on, which can only mean one thing.

It’s laundry day.

Why should you never buy Soviet underwear?

'Cause Chernobyl fallout

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My neighbor came at me really aggressively, asking if I knew anything about her underwear disappearing from her clothes line.

I can tell you I nearly shit her pants

You need to be aware of faulty underwear from the Ukraine.

Be careful, otherwise chernobyl fallout.

What do thermometers wear for underwear?

Kelvin Klein

At first when you came in and ordered glass underwear I though it was a new style...

But now I can see your nuts

What kind of underwear does an artist wear?

Drawers

What do the worlds greatest dance halls and best underwear have in common

Lots of ball room

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Two men are drinking at a bar all night. Finally, one man says to the other, “I hate to break up the fun, but I’ve got to go home and take off my wife’s underwear.”

The other man replies, “What makes you think you’ll be so lucky?”



The first man replies while walking out the door, “because they’ve been riding up my butt all night and I’ve had enough.”

A woman went to the doctor's with a bit of lettuce sticking out from her underwear...

Doctor looks at it and says "that looks odd", woman says "Oh, it's just the tip of the iceberg"

I went into Ann Summers and asked the girl if the underwear was satin.

She said "no, they're new."

What’s a German underwear model’s favourite animal

Ze-bra

Why does a pirate wear underwear?

To hide his booty

A man goes to the doctor and says that he can hear voices coming from his underwear.

Doctor says "Don't listen to them. They're talking bollocks."

Smiles and tight underwear are very alike.

Both lift your cheeks.

Why don't witches wear underwear?

To get a better grip of the broom

What does a woman's underwear and nail polish both have in common?

They both come off with alcohol.

As i was walking down the road on a particularly hot day i noticed a rather large lady eating a watermelon in a dress with no underwear on...

I had to inquire. You exposing yourself to keep cool ? She replied "Nah nah, but it sure does keep the flies off the watermelon."

What kind of underwear do law students wear?

Legal briefs!

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(from my 8 year old) What do you see when a duck pulls down his underwear?

His butt quack

I got new underwear for Christmas.

Out with the holed, in with the new.

I breathe heavy whenever I’m around woman’s underwear.

I guess that’s why they call them panties.

Who makes the best exploding underwear?

Fruit of the Boom!

Why do chickens wear underwear on their head?

Because their pecker is on their face

How does Matthew McConaughey like his underwear?

All white, all white, all white

William Shatner, alias Captain Kirk, has discontinued his ladies underwear line...

In hindsight "Shatner Panties" wasn't a good choice of name in the first place.

A man makes a bet with his boss

He bets $500 that he can lick his eyeball.

Laughing the boss agrees.

The man takes off a fake eyeball and licks it.

The boss angrily gives him the $500.

The man then bets $500 he can bite his own ears.

The boss pulls his ears to check if the man is wearing any fake...

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My next-door neighbour accused me of stealing her underwear from her washing line.

I was so shocked I almost crapped her pants.

A short poem about women's underwear...

> Rose's are red,
Violet's are blue,
>!Heather's are green.!<
~Lee Mack


EDIT: added spoiler for 37% better delivery.

An old married couple go to the hospital

And as they are getting checked in the doctor says to the old man,

"I need a stool sample, a urine sample, and a blood sample."

The old man being hard of hearing says, "what'd you say?"

and his wife replies, "He said they need to see your underwear*

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What is the brand of underwear that Thor uses?

Ass guard

Boy: I'll pay you 10 bucks to climb up the flagpole.

Boy: I'll pay you 10 bucks to climb up the flagpole.
Girl: ok.(climbs the flagpole)
Girl: Mommy Mommy a boy paid me 10 bucks to climb the flagpole. Mom: He just wanted to see your underwear!
...Next Day...
(Same boy): I'll pay you 20 BUCKS to climb the flagpole!
Girl: OK thanks! (clim...

What kind of underwear did Tom Petty wear?

He didn’t. He was free ballin’.

Why should you never wear Ukranian underwear?

Chernobyl Fallout.





An elderly friend told me this joke, just thought I'd traumatise people with it too.

Honey, where did my underwear go?

"in your brief case"

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Whoever decided to name girl underwear "panties" fucked up.

How do you skip Cuntainers?

What kind of underwear do monkeys use

Chimpantsies

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I once met a man with 5 penises. I said "That must be rough"...and "how does your underwear fit?"

He said "Like a glove!"

My wife's got Meatloaf underwear.

On the front they say, 'I would do anything for love'. On the rear they say, 'But I won't do that'.

Clean Underwear

My mom always told me to wear clean underwear in case I was ever in an accident. I never thought this was a real thing until I read about a car accident in the paper. They said the officers at the scene checked and there were no skidmarks.

A man applies for a job as a diesel fitter at a women's underwear factory. He asks his supervisor what the job entails.

The supervisor takes some underwear off the line, puts it on his head and says, "Deez'll fit 'er!"

Perforated underwear

What a tearable idea.

A wife tells her husband her underwear cost $300...

The husband screams "Three hundred dollars!? That's outrageous!" The wife says "Well you don't wrap a beautiful jewel in newspaper".

The husband replies "Yeah, but you don't gift wrap a dead beaver, either".

I was browsing r/Jokes last night and my girlfriend told me that she doesn't know why I bother trying to make people laugh on the internet for useless virtual points and that the only joke I have is in my underwear. So here goes:

"Marks and Spencer, Medium 33-35 inch waist, 90% cotton, 10% elastene, Made in China, Part of a 2 part set"

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So Little Johnny's teacher ...

So Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it.
One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says "teacher, I'll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is."
She replies, "oka...

Raise your hand if you're wearing underwears or panties with holes in them...

For those smug individuals that did not raise their hand, I'm curious how you inserted your legs then.

A man walks into a doctors office with Saran Wrap underwear and says to the doctor " I think I am going crazy"!

The doctor replies "Why yes, I can clearly see your nuts".

A man in France tried to rob a bank using underwear as a mask...

...the cops put him in jail right after a quick debriefing.

I inherited my great grandad’s underwear...

They were fruit of the heirloom

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Why do female pallbearers wear black underwear after sex?

To mourn the passing of the stiff they buried last night.

TIL: Pope Francis wears underwear while taking a shower.

He doesn’t want to look down on the unemployed.

Intelligence is like an underwear.

It is important that you have it, but not necessary that you show it off.

I once saw the police running after a man in his underwear

It was a brief chase.

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Checking your Facebook is like checking your underwear after you fart

There wont be anything there and if there is it's probably shit

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I've just noticed my wife is wearing her sexy underwear. This can only mean one thing

She's behind with the washing.

Why do women throw underwear at guitarists at concerts?

Just in case their G-string breaks.

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Why was the underwear angry at the washing machine

Because it kept taking the piss out of them

Women's underwear is a great example of how you can make something half-assed and it still become very successful

Thought of this in traffic yesterday

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A man goes to a costume party wearing nothing but a pair of underwear. On arriving the host says “who are you meant to be?”

To which the man replies “I’m “premature ejaculation”.

“I don’t get it” says the host.

Man “I’ve just come in my pants”

What's the best way to start an underwear presentation?

Start with a brief introduction.

"They only want to see your underwear"

One day, little May comes home from school, waving a dollar bill and screaming, "Mom! Look what I got today!"

Of course, her mom asks, "Oh? How did you get that?"

"Well," May says, "these boys from the bigger grade dared me to climb the tree and said they'd give me 75 cents. So I climb...

“Why Do Men Wear Underwear?”

“As Per Military Rules, All Types Of Weapons Should Be Kept Covered During Peace Time“

What type of underwear does a fetus wear?

Fruit of the womb.

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Always wear clean underwear in public

Always wear clean underwear in public,
especially when working under your vehicle...

From the Hamilton Spectator Daily News comes this story of a Burlington couple
who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot.
The man told his wife to carr...

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