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Carries Jokes

So if a Chicken carries salmonella, and a Cow carries e-coli, what does a pig carry?

A gun, a badge, and a "get out of jail free" card.

An old man went bald but still carries his old comb everywhere with him in his pocket…

He just can’t part with it.

Now that everyone carries a decent camera with them...

Where did all of the U.F.O's go?

A burglar breaks into a house. He begins to search the home for valuables when hears a quiet voice say

“Jesus is watching you” he dismisses it as paranoia and carries on with his crime. He hears the voice again “Jesus is watching you”. He’s knows this time it’s not in his head so he looks around the room and sees a parrot in the corner. He walks over to the parrot and it repeats one more time “Jesus...

What do you call the bat that carries Coronavirus

Nosferachoo

What do you call a train that carries gum

A chew-chew train

They always say „it’s not the cough that carries you off“

It’s the coffin they Carrie you off in.

Why do navy ships carries Marines?

Because sheep would be to obvious.

What do you call a musician who carries grain for living?

Hall n' oates.

Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries a photo of one of them because…

…if you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.

Having Alzheimer also carries some advantages...

First of all, you get to know someone new every time you look in the mirror. Secondly, you can always enjoy an old joke as if you heard it for the first time. And finally, you get to know someone new every time you look in the mirror.

What crime carries the punishment in itself?

Polygamy.

My dad carries around a piece of paper where he keeps a list of all his mistakes.

It is my birth certificate.

A German lifesaver carries a dog that nearly drowned from the beach...

He plopped it down on the sand and did CPR, as the dog's owner watched nervously from aside.

The dog spat out water and stood up— the lifesaver saved it.

"Oh my goodness, thank you so much for saving my dog!" the owner said, "Are you a vet?"

"Vet? VET???" the German excalimed, "...

A polar bear carries a large freezer into an ice factory....

On his way inside, he's stopped by a penguin wearing a tie and a nametag and carrying a clipboard.
"Why are you bringing a freezer into an ice factory??" The penguin asked.
"I'm a new hire," the polar bear replied, "I brought it with me because back home it freezes EVERYTHING. I thought it'...

A guy walks down the street and carries an urn in his arms.

A cannibal goes around him and says, "Daamn, where'd you get instant?



(Translated from Czech)

What happens if Mike Tyson carries around Mjölnir all day?

He gets thor arms!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One of my All-Time favorites (long):

A priest is fishing with one of his flock, an avid fisherman, and catches a whopper of a fish. The parishioner, forgetting himself for a moment, exclaims, “Look at the size of that Fucker!”

The priest responds sternly and so the parishioner, quick-thinking as he his, explains, “Oh … no Fath...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Arab boy is speaking with his father.

“Father, why do we wear these shawls on our head?”

“To keep the harsh sun off our scalp” He answers.

“What about these long robes father?”

“To protect us from the blistering wind that carries stinging sand.” Father says patiently.

“And our sandals?”

“To shield our ...

Downloading Tik Tok but never opening it is like how Augustus Waters always carries a cigarette in his mouth.

As soon as you use it, you will die of cancer.

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