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The World Health Organization has declared that dogs cannot transmit Coronavirus, and there is no reason to quarantine dogs anymore.

W.H.O. let the dogs out.

Which STD is transmitted through sound?

Hearing aids

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After Covid it seems everyone forgot this sexually transmitted disease with 100% mortality rate

Life

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Pollen is actually plant sperm

So that means allergies are Sexually Transmitted Diseases.

Your welcome.

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Coronavirus can be transmitted sexually,

so yes. You’ll be fine

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What is the name of the Greek god of sexually transmitted diseases?

Herpes (badumm tss)

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Can this corona be transmitted via sex?

Please, someone let me know. It's urgent.


I work at the morgue.

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It's too bad Coronavirus isn't solely transmitted sexually

Most of Reddit would be immune

How are chicken diseases transmitted?

Bockteria!

If Freddie Mercury transmitted HIV to someone...

...Was it considered Mercury poisoning?

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What’s the number one sexually transmitted disease among wizardry students?

Hog warts.

Just read that the Covid 19/Coronavirus can be transmitted via farts...

Well that stinks.

According to the Chinese Zodiac, 2020 was the Year of the Rat

So we've been spending the entire year holed up, only briefly leaving to get food, running at the sight of other humans, and transmitting infection.

Which STD is transmitted through sound...

The clap.

Yes this joke was just posted but I think my punchline is better.

There are suspicions the coronavirus may have been transmitted to humans from poultry.

Investigators think it may have originated inside eggs.

They are now scrambling to confirm if that's true.

How does Gandalf transmit a large amount of information from one place to another?

He uses a Shadowfax.

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Scientists Find Zika Might Be Transmitted by Oral Sex

The study suggests a little head may result in a little head.

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Scientists recently discovered a sexually transmitted disease affecting many bird species.

No need to worry though. I hear it's tweetable.

After it was determined that dogs could not transmit COVID-19 to humans, the world health organization deemed that all companion pets could be let out of quarantine

We really should have seen this coming, they told us WHO let the dogs out for years

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My doctor asked me what I use to prevent Sexually Transmitted Diseases. . .

I said: my face.

Reflections on the Jonestown massacre of 1978

As a society, we sometimes tell jokes about some of the most horrific events--mass murders, disasters, and so on. Often the jokes start within a day or two of the catastrophe, even before the dead can be counted. Perhaps we do it as a coping or healing mechanism, or perhaps it's our only extant type...

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Today a woman came into my doctor's office with a sexually transmitted mental illness.

She was fucking crazy.

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My Grandma's favorite saying

Life is the ultimate disease. Its sexually transmitted and terminal.

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I asked my chemo patient how she was doing as we started our visit. “Oh, I’m so excited for Saturday! I’m going with a bunch of friends to go see Justin Bieber in concert… front row!” Flabbergasted, I replied, “What?! Why would you do that? COVID is at all-time highs…

…and probably 1 in 5 people around you in that place will be transmitting with every breath they take. And all that screaming and singing!”

Cheerfully, she replied, “oh that should be no problem, right? After all, you said I have a weekend immune system!”

Breakthrough vaccine for the virus has been found

....eat two cloves of garlic every day. It’s useless, doesn’t kill the virus, but keeps everyone who can transmit it to you... a safe distance away!

Scientists have confirmed a new strain of bird flu going around

It's transmitted from crows and ravens to people. They've named it Corvid-19

A Student is in Engineering Class, when the Teacher asks What is a Machine?

Student 1: A machine is anything that reduces human effort

Teacher: Will you please elaborate?

Student 1: Anything that simplifies work, or saves time, is a machine

Teacher: What is the true definition?

Student 2: Sir, machines are any combination of bodies so connected t...

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I just had sex with my wife and now I have STD's

Sexually Transmitted Descendants.

Twenty thousand years into the future...

The astrobiology intern suddenly perks up at his station.
Intern: "Professor, we're receiving a periodic transmission from the direction of the Fr36 planetoids. I've converted the transmission into base 10 numerals and it keeps saying 14-5-22-5-18 7-15-14-14-1 7-9-22-5 25-15-21 21-16"
Professo...

I gave my girlfriend an STD and I’m devastated

If I transmitted it to her, then why do I still have it?!

scientology the far fetched religion

Scientology.

For those who think religion isn’t far fetched enough, I mean come on Alien lizards living under the sea and then moving under a volcano and transmitting to world leaders.

add two Italian brothers and you’ve got the first five levels of Super-mario



(old j...

Stellar objects and radio waves?

I always wondered, when hearing stellar bodies like pulsars, quasars and black holes emit radio waves, the following:

1) Are these waves akin to AM/FM/VHF/UHF type signals in that they transmit signals and sound?
2) If not, are these "waves" just variations in the redshift of hydrogen?
...

What is more dangerous than a pitbull with AIDS ?

The guy who transmitted it to him.

Inventors

Tesla, Ford, and Edison were all standing on a stage, presenting their latest findings.

Tesla strolled forward and announced that he had invented a brand new way to transmit energy through the air! The crowd clapped politely.

Ford was next, and pulled the cover off a large engine. He ...

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The Pilot and the Flight Attendant.

A Delta Airlines flight from LAX to JFK was in the cruise when the aircraft hit some heavy chop. The captain comes on the PA system to give the regular announcement for passengers to "please fasten their seatbelts and refrain from using the restrooms at this time", in the confusion of the situation ...

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My neighbours had very loud sex, night after night...

I decided to rename my Wi-Fi into "I can hear you having sex".
Next night they were going on it as loud as before.
So, I checked if my network really was transmitting right.
Then I discovered my neighbours had renamed their Wi-Fi as well.
Now their LAN was called "cannot hear you...

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A Girl In London

Two men in a bar. One says "A girl I met in London gave me a sexually transmitted disease". His mate replies "you were lucky, in Yorkshire you would have had to pay for it!"

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Message from space

NASA picks up an unexpected signal from space and the whole world is excited about the discovery. After a lot of hard work, an international team of scientists decrypts and translates the transmission.
The revealed message is: "PLEASE TELL US ABOUT YOURSELVES".

Computing resources of the w...

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Fonzie Jokes: Guaranteed to solicit awkward groans in any social gathering.

Do you often find yourself thinking "what this social gathering needs is some awkward silence!" Well, you have come to the right place. these jokes are 10,000% guaranteed to get you all the groans and derrisive stares you want, guaranteed or your karma back!

Here is collection of comedy gold ...

A famous restaurant critic is eating soup at a fancy restaurant.

This critic was well-known in the industry for his arrogance and rudeness, as well as his overall sloppiness. So it came as no surprise when mid-course he dropped his spoon on the floor, and angrily gestured to get a waiter's attention. When a waiter approached, the critic noticed a spoon tucked in ...

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[NSFW] "Good Luck Mr Collins"

Two astronauts successfully landed on the moon and transmitted their thoughts and feelings back to mission control. They described the moon's surface, the atmosphere, the temperature and their feelings of elation at being there.

Just as the transmission was going off, one of the astronauts w...

How the Internet started according to the bible.

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy. And Dot Com was a comely woman, large of breast, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto...

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Ten Thoughts

Number 10 Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 8 Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Number 7 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a...

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