UPJOKE
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A woman was checking out at the grocery store. . .

A woman was at the store with her kid, just about to check out. When she got to the cash register, all she had was a backpack. The clerk asked her why she wanted the backpack since her kid was still very small. She responded, "I'm going to stuff my kid in the backpack and carry him around." The peop...

What do you use to carry potatoes?

A tater tote

Cashier: Hey man, do you have enough bags for your groceries?

Me: Totes

I was victim of mugging once

I had walked down to the grocery store to get a few ingredients for pot roast. I already had the meat in the fridge at home so I really just needed the vegetables. I picked out some onions, carrots, and some potatoes. After paying, I started walking back to my apartment. Some mean looking guy po...

What’s the difference between a teenage girl and the Popes luggage?

One is totes blessed and the other is blessed totes.

Red Neck Computer Dictionary

* LOG ON: Makin’ a woodstove hot.
* LOG OFF: Don’t add no more wood.
* MONITOR: Keepin’ an eye on the wood stove.
* DOWNLOAD: Gittin’ the farwood off the truck.
* MEGA HERTZ: When you’re not keerfull gittin’ the farwood.
* FLOPPY DISC: Whutcha git from trying to tote too much far...

I went to a maths convention...

... and on a table near the entrance were some bags filled with maths related items.

There was Pi pie

Hypotenuse mouse

And many others

So I thought to myself, "I really want one of those bags," and I went to the table to grab one. However, no matter how hard I tried I ...

An entrepreneurial blonde is looking for some extra cash

So she goes door to door asking people if they have any odd jobs they need done. Around the third house or so, a sharply dressed man answers the door. She inquires about the jobs, and the wheels in his head start turning. He's been meaning to paint the massive porch that takes up the entire rear of ...

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