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A young woman visits a florist to get some flowers for her mother.

As she's perusing, she notices the most gorgeous rose she's ever seen sitting next to the cashier, and asks for its price.

"Oh, sorry," the cashier replies. "That one's not for sale. I got that as a gift from a fellow florist for hooking him up with a woman I met yesterday."

"Yesterday...

There is literally no way to convey sarcasm through text

/s

A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment.

A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"
The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the...

A man is riding a motorcycle down Pacific Coast Highway, living the dream, when all of a sudden the clouds start to form...

...he pulls over. Out of nowhere he hears a booming voice from above: "My son, you have lived a life of virtue, one that I would be proud of, ask me of anything and I will grant it."

Astounded the man thinks for a minute then says: "Well I wish that I could ride my bike to Hawaii. I wish ther...

A man was driving a rental car along a old mountain road in Eastern Europe at night when he started having engine problems

Unable to get a signal on his mobile phone, he saw a lit building not far off and made it there just as the car stalled. Getting out of the car, he knocked on the door. A monk in a brown habit opened the door.

"Good evening, brother!" greeted the monk. "What can I do for you?"
"I'm ver...

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Kim Jong-un has unfortunately died and the North Korean subordinates gathered for a serious meeting.

After hours of discussion, they decided it'd be best to replace him with a look alike to fool the foreign leaders. A Kim Jong-un look alike contest was organised and the winner was to be selected to rule Korea.

Fliers and posters of the contest was all over North Korea and a majority of the...

One day in Contract Law class, Professor Jepson asked one of his better students, "Now if you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?" The student replied, "Here's an orange." The professor was livid. "No! No! Think like a lawyer!"

The student then recited, "Okay, I'd tell him, 'I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, calim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut...

A Mute Lady

A lady who was mute used to point out body parts in order to convey to the shopkeeper what she wanted.

So this once she wanted a toothbrush, so she points to her teeth. The shopkeeper quickly understands and hands her one.

This other time she wanted chicken thighs, so she shows the sho...

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A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman.

He noticed her sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant.

So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the gentleman seated over there'
..... and indicated the sender with a nod of his head.

She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not lookin...

A man wins $100 000 at Las Vegas.

When he returns home he hides it in his backyard, only to wake up the next morning and find it stolen, with a trail of muddy footprints leading to the mute-deaf a few blocks away. Enraged, he enlists the help of the sign language professor next door, and together, the man armed, they confront the mu...

What do you call a bird that drunkenly conveys a compelling perspective on racial hatred?

Tequila Mockingbird.

A man walks into a grocery store.

A man walks into a grocery store. After getting all his groceries, he sees something interesting at the check-out counter. Not knowing what it is, he asks a worker. The worker replies, “Why, that’s a thermos! It keeps your hot stuff hot, and your cold stuff cold!” Intrigued, the man decides to buy i...

A guy walks into a library, goes up to front desk and in quite a loud voice says,.....

"Could I get a yellow chicken curry, a pad thai and two serves of steamed rice please?"

The librarian is a bit shocked, and in a whispered voice that none the less conveys her displeasure with the gent says, "Sir, you need to be quiet, this is a library, not a restaurant!!"

The guy loo...

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When Solomon the Wise received the Queen of Sheba at his palace, he needed grand new thrones for him and for her.

So by the power of the Seal of Solomon he summoned *djinn* and he said to them: Craft me a pair of thrones that shall be the wonder of all the ages, exquisite in both materials and workmanship and of a value surpassing all the treasures of the earth. And the *djinn*, bound under the Seal, bowed low ...

A man working at the Federal Reserve

A man working at the Federal Reserve was hired to manufacture pennies. On his first day, the supervisor walked him around the manufacturing area.

“This first machine melts down large blocks of metal. The liquid metal is then poured into a mold that makes a smaller block. That smaller block ...

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Ajit Pai is shopping in a grocery store...

Ajit Pai is shopping in a grocery store when he notices a produce clerk eyeing him. He goes about his shopping, albeit a bit unnerved by the clerk’s hungry eyes.

Ajit turns down another aisle and sees the guy at the deli counter scoping him out like a lion would look at a wounded wildebeest. ...

You must be single.

A young woman was shopping at her local supermarket. She puts her items on the conveyer: A toothbrush, toothpaste, a half-gallon of 2% milk and a frozen pizza. The cashier calmly states, "You must be single." The woman looks at her items and back to the cashier, "Wow! How did you know that?" The cas...

A woman went to a grocery store..

She gets a shopping cart and went to buy the stuff she needs.
First, she bought a tray of eggs.
Next, 3 bottles of milk.
And last, lettuce.

Now that she's done, she went to the cashier and puts her groceries on the conveyer belt.
The clerk, saw the stuff she bought.
He noticed ...

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A woman is walking around a grocery store...

...completing her shopping list. When she finally collects what she came for, she makes her way to the cashier and unloads her basket onto the conveyer.

The clerk begins to ring up her items;
He grabs her container of mixed salad greens and passes it over the barcode scanner. 'BOOP' sou...

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Girl at the checkout counter

A girl is at the checkout line at her local supermarket when a cute guy taps her on the back and says, "You must be single!"

She thinks this as such an odd comment and looks at the items she has on the conveyer belt. Did he think she was single because she bought butter? Could it be the tam...

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Man a Gets Job as 'Chief Tester' at a Durex Factory!

A man goes for a job in a Durex factory. The interview goes great and the lucky guy is offered the job immediately. The interviewer asks "would you like to see what you will be doing?" and the man agrees it would be good to get a feel for his new task.

They walk out into a large manufacturing...

After a night of heavy drinking...

...a man comes home and is greeted by his wife who finds that he has slurred speech, is mixing up his words, mixing up his letters and is just generally unintelligible. She gets frustrated and urges him to go to bed. He continues to mumble and seems to be trying to convey something important to his ...

Watch what you eat

The old lady put 6 cans of dog food on the supermarket conveyer belt, and began digging in her purse for her coupon. The cashier was the friendly sort, and struck up a conversation. "So, what kind of dog do you have?"

"Well," the old lady answered in a hushed tone, "I don't really have a dog....

My grandad shared this joke the other day

A man was at the checkout of a supermarket with his shopping on the conveyer belt, the cashier took a look at the man's shopping and then asked the man "you're single aren't you?" The man, astounded replies "yes, you could tell that just from what I'm buying?" To which the cashier replies " No, you'...

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