What do you call an Appalachian Person that helps women give birth?

A Mountain Doula

A Scandinavian woman get to the hospital to give birth

A Scandinavian woman get to the hospital to give birth. When time come the doctor tell the woman: now push! But since Scandinavian women are strong and built, the baby shoot past the doctor onto the wall an smash to death.

Next year the woman come back to give birth and this time they are pre...

What method is used to give birth to baby pirate?

Sea-section.... Arrrrrgh

A young couple in poverty give birth to identical twins.

After much consideration they decide that the best thing for the baby boys would be to give them up for adoption so that they can have a better shot in life. One boy goes to a Spanish family who name him Juan, the second goes to an Indian family who name him Amal.

18 years pass when the birth...

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Three couples rush to the hospital to give birth.

Three couples rush to the hospital to give birth, an English couple, and Irish couple and an Asian couple. All three wives give birth to boys within minuets of each other and the fathers congratulate one another. But while the nurse are weighing the babies, they get them mixed up and have no idea wh...

A lady and her husband arr at the hospital to give birth to their baby

Just before the operation, she starts to get panic attacks due to stories she's heard of the immense pain. The doctors offer an alternative solution.

Doctor: "We've procured a machine that transfers the pain felt by the mother to the father. But be warned, the pain will be like nothing you've...

3 men in a waiting room while their wives give birth

Three men are waiting together in a waiting room while their wives are all giving birth.

The men start to talk and learn about each other while they wait.

The nurse comes out and tells the first guy "Congratulations your wife has given birth and you now have 2 handsome twin boys"
...

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A boob, a vagina and an asshole are debating as to who is the greatest of them all. Boob: I give milk to new born babies and I’m attractive to the opposite sex, that’s why I’m the greatest. Vagina: I give birth to babies and I accommodate the opposite sex, that’s why I’m the greatest.

Now it’s your turn to speak.

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A jewish woman goes to the hospital to give birth to her son.

Unfortunately the baby boy is born without eyelids.

The jewish woman is hysterical and says: Doctor, doctor what am i going to do? My baby boy has no eyelids!

The doctor calmly replies: Missus Levine, don't worry your son is going to be circumcised so we can do a transplant and give h...

A man was waiting for his wife to give birth.

The doctor came and informed the dad that his son was born without a torso, arms, or legs. The son was just a head!

But the dad loved his son and raised him as well as he could. Eighteen years later, the son was old enough for his first drink. The dad took him to a bar, tearfully told him he ...

A woman is urgently rushed to hospital by her brother to give birth to twins.

In the hospital, she gives birth to a boy and a girl. She loses consciousness shortly after.


A few hours later, she wakes up with a doctor standing over her. She asks "Where are my children?"


The doctor replies "They're in the next room with your brother. He said you wouldn't m...

A man and his wife go into the delivery room to give birth. The doctor says, “we have this new machine, where by the flip of a switch, the father can bear some of the pain to ease the mother. Want to try?” The every supportive husband says “sure.”

So, the doctor sets it to 10% and asks the husband how he feels.

“Fine. You can turn it up.”

Surprised, the doctor goes to 20%.

“More. This is easy”

Soon enough, the doctor goes to 30%, then 40, 50, 60, all the way to 100%. “I’ve never gone past the 25% mark” says the d...

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A blond, brunette and red head are all in the delivery room ready to give birth.

The doctor walks in and goes the the brunette and asks how she prefers to have sex.

When she replies "missionary" he guesses she'll have a boy. A few minutes later, the baby is born and it's a boy.

Then the doctor steps up to the red head and asks how she prefers to have sex.
...

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How did the Virgin Mary know it was time to give birth to Jesus?

Her wine broke.

A newlywed couple goes to the hospital to give birth to their baby.

When they arrive, the doctor says that he invented a machine to transfer part of the labor pain of the mother to the father of the baby. He then asks if they agree.
The couple accepts gladly the procedure.
The doctor puts the machine at 10% for starting, explaining that even the 10% it's p...

How do you know you’re about to give birth to Satan?

When your water boils

What does a microorganism say when they give birth to their sister?

OW! My toe sis.

9 of the top 10 days to give birth fall between Sept. 9 and Sept. 20. Given that pregnancies last an average of about 38 weeks, this means many people are conceiving in December, around the holidays.

In other words, if you can't afford to give presents, get f**ked.

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Why did Chuck Norris’ aunt give birth to him?

Because nobody dared fuck his mother

A woman was about to give birth at a hospital.

Her husband couldn't make it, but her two idiot brothers showed up to comfort her. The woman passed out right after giving birth to a boy and a girl. When she woke up, she saw her two children laying right next to her.

She told the doctor, "I'm ready to name my two children now."

The d...

If you help a cow give birth...

Did you decalfeinate it?

Jim had a pregnant wife who was soon to give birth.

One day, he’s on his way home from work, when he gets the call that his wife has gone into labour. In a panic, he races to get to the hospital, but swerves his car and crashes into the ditch. When he wakes up, he finds himself in the hospital, with his brother Jack, an irascible practical joker, l...

2 onions fall in love and mate, they give birth to a beautiful son!

One day, they leave the front door open on accident and the young onion rolls out into the world.

While crossing the street, the poor onion child gets flattened in the road...

He is then rushed to the hospital, the father rolling around in the hall, extremely anxious to hear any news.<...

Classic #3829 - A guy is waiting at the hospital for his wife to give birth

A guy is waiting in the hospital waiting room, while his wife is in labor. There are 3 other men sitting next to him, also waiting for their wives to give birth.

The doctor comes out and says to the first guy, "Lucky you! Your wife just had twins!"
The guy says,"Wow what a coincidence, I ...

A mum and a dad give birth to a child.

He was a perfectly healthy baby boy but there was a small catch. He was just a head. So the parents though ok that weird but raised him and loved him none the less. They had to carry him around and feed him. Then on his eighteenth birthday his dad took him for his first legal pint. The dad lifted up...

If you give birth to a boy and it hurts afterwards...

Is it called a sonburn?

Two redditors give birth to identical twins

They marvel at how beautiful the first kid is. "This is the cutest thing I have ever seen."

When they saw the second baby, they had only a single word to describe their reaction.

"Repost."

What was the first thing the farmers daughter said after watching a sheep give birth for the first time?

Ewe

3 guys are waiting while their wives give birth

A nurse emerges from the back and says, "Mr. David, come on back, your wife has delivered two beautiful babies!"

"Wow! Twins, huh? That's interesting, I'm from the twin rivers." Said Mr. David

After another hour, a second nurse comes into their room and says, "Mr. Smith, you wife has h...

Why can't men give birth?

There's not enough womb!

Why aren't men supposed to give birth?

Because if they did everyone would look like spaghetti.

Just helped a girl give birth...

OP delivered.

Little Johnny asked one day, "Mommy can little girls give birth?"

"No son. Of course not"

"Oh OK... Hey Susie! Its OK to keep playing the game now!"

Why do trees only give birth to daughters?

Because otherwise they would be committing treason.

Senator Duckworth might become the first senator to give birth in office

I don't know why she wouldn't rather do it in the hospital though

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A man is pacing around in the waiting room of the hospital waiting for his wife to give birth.

A doctor enters the room and says, "Congratulations, sir! You are the father of FOUR bouncing baby boys. "I'm not surprised, I've got a dick like a chimney stack!" boasts the father. "Well you want to get it swept then," replies the doctor, "because they"re all black."

(Thought of this tonight) I saw my cat go under the porch. I thought it might give birth.

Then it became a parent.

Why did the cat give birth at the park?

Because the sign at the park said "Fine for Littering"

The angel Gabriel appeared to Mary and said, "Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God. You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High."

Mary : I have a boyfriend

A woman goes to the hospital to give birth

A woman goes to the hospital to give birth. A good while later, she finds herself pushing like crazy, to the support of the doctor and the nurses, the father being unknown. As the baby finally comes out, she faints, and sits unconscious for some time.

She wakes up a few minutes later, confuse...

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John's wife is about to give birth to his first child...

...and John is equally terrified and excited, a total nervous wreck.

On the day his wife went to the hospital, John went to work at the factory, prepared to leave as soon as he got the call that his wife was in labor.

John could barely concentrate. His mind was swimming with doubt and...

A couple is about to give birth

The doctor tells the couple to be about an experimental new machine that can help with the pain of labor. The device will allow the mother to transfer some of the pain over to the father of the child.

The labor begins, and the wife begins clenching the husbands hand. She shouts it too much, ...

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A guy is waiting at the hospital for his wife to give birth.

After many hours, the doctor comes out with a baby in his hands.
Suddenly he drops it!
Guy who just became a father goes ballistic!
The doctor picks up a baby, and throws it against the wall!
"What the fuck are you doing?! Are you insane?!" Says the father tearing up in rage. ...

A husband and wife give birth to twins...

...but realized that they simply don't have the money to support a family. They put the twins up for adoption without so much as giving them names, after deciding it was for the best. Soon, one twin is adopted by a Mexican family, and his new family names him Juan. Shortly after, the other twin i...

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