An engineer dies and goes to hell

An engineer dies and goes to Hell. He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly. The moving walkway motor is jammed, so he unjams it. People can get from place to place more easily. The TV was grainy and uncle...

A werewolf stenographer starts a YouTube channel from his post on a U-boat:

Lychan Sub Scribe

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a hotel

Goes to the reception and books a room. He then goes up to his room and flicks through the channels on the tv, and is disgusted when he finds the porn channels. So he marched downstairs to the reception and demands that the porn channels be disabled. The person behind the counter quickly shouts back...

Today I found a Youtube channel about moss

They told me to lichen subscribe

Fox News actually saved my life.

I was in a coma for 7 years, but one day one of the nurses changed the channel on my TV to Fox and I had to get up to turn it off.

2 cats are at the English Channel.

An English cat and the French Cat decide they want to cross the channel. The English cat psyches himself up, says “One... Two... Three” jumps in the water and swims across.

The French cat decides to imitate the English cat. “Un... Deux... Trois...” Cat sank.

I kept adding my input, saying that this channel wasn’t really a good one. But it didn’t work.

I then realized that my tv was bad at reading signals

I just started a YouTube channel about viruses.

I guess you could say I’m a real influenz-er

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An elderly couple were watching a Discovery Channel special about a West African bush tribe whose men all had penises 24 inches long.

When the black male reaches a certain age, a string is tied around his penis and on the other end is a weight. After a while, the weight stretches the penis to 24 inches.

Later that evening as the husband was getting out of the shower, his wife looked at him and said, "How about we try the Af...

What does going to the massage parlor and watching a Hallmark Channel movie have in common?

You always know you’re getting a happy ending.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife walked in on me while I was watching porn.

In a panic reflex I instantly changed to a random channel, the fishing channel.
As my wife walks out again she says: "you should stay on the porn channel... you know how to fish."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I found an origami porn channel

It's paper view only though

What is Mia Khalifa's favorite tv channel?

BBC News

An English cat named ABC challenges a French cat named 123 to a swim across the English Channel, from the UK to France. They both swim hard, but only the English cat makes it. What happened to the other cat?

Well, un deux trois quatre cinq.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Was browsing the channel guide and stumbled upon a show called POV Shorts on PBS

I had to put my dick away when I realized POV isn’t just a porn category

Want to know why it’s called the British Channel, and not the French Channel?

Well to settle the argument a long while ago, British and French noblemen decided to race cats along the Channel for the naming rights.

So the British cat crossed the Channel in,

one, two, three, four and five easy steps.

The French cat attempted the crossing,

Un, duex...

I was on the phone to a woman from the babestation channel. I said "Can you hide behind the couch?" Confused, she asked "Why?"

I said "Because my wife is coming downstairs and I can't find the remote."

An Englishman named "One-two-three" and a Frenchman named "Un-deux-trios" challenged each other to see whose cat could swim across the Channel first...

After a grueling competition, One-two-three won after Un-deux-trois quatre cinq.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man tells his wife "you've been watching the food channel for years and you're still one of the worst cooks I know..."

"Honey," she replies, "for how many years you've been watching porn?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs who swam across the English Channel?

A clever dick

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hey, this week is going to be Hitler week on the History Channel!

Just like every fucking week.

Coronavirus has its own YouTube channel now.

Already 8,931,812 followers and counting.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I noticed that Netflix has a comedy channel called "Netflix is a Joke"

They should make a porn channel and call it "Netflix Sucks"

What T.V. Channel will never air the sitcom Scrubs?

TLC; Because, they don’t want, no scrubs.

Did you see the new youtube channel that's non stop footage of gorillas opening bananas?

It's super ape peeling.

How do you know when it's time to change the channel?

*"Previously on God Friended Me..."*

Two friends met at the neighborhood supermarket.

When they got to the checkout one of the ladies started rummaging through her purse for her wallet, she took out a few things, including a TV remote.

“Do you always take the remote with you when you go shopping?” The other woman laughed.

“No,” the woman answered “But I asked my husband...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Frenchman, an Englishman and an Australian were hiking through some remote mountains.

The weather was oppressively hot when they saw this beautiful lake. They ran down to the lake, stripped off and swam in the wonderfully cool water.

Natives appeared on the shore and captured them and took them before the Chief.

"Lake is our most sacred site. You have violated sacred si...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man on vacation with his family arrives at a hotel.

As he's checking in, he says to the clerk, "I'm on vacation with my family, please make sure the porn channel is disabled"

The clerk replies in disgust, "It's just regular porn, you sick fuck"

After spending a semester of my engineering degree studying the construction of the channel tunnel.

I can reveal it was dug by a huge boring machine.

A Blonde, a Brunette, and a Redhead were standing on a beach

They had decided the previous evening whilst in the pub to try and swim the English channel. After some dicussion, they decided the quickest way would be to do the breast stroke, so off they set.

One day later the Redhead reached the French coast. Having lost sight of the other two swimmers j...

Why did the black hole stop uploading to his YouTube channel

He was void of ideas

There was this little girl sitting on the English side of the English Channel, bawling her eyes out. This pigeon was flying over and spotted her, so the pigeon flew down and asked what was wrong.

The little girl told the pigeon that she wanted to be a ballet dancer more than anything, but the only way she could be a ballet dancer was to get to France, being really the only place that teaches ballet.
After thinking for a moment, the pigeon told the little girl to wait and he would return.<...

What happened to Satan’s YouTube channel?

It got demon-itized

Where's the best place to watch the Raiders in the super bowl?

The History Channel.

Why was the polar bear relaxed when watching TV?

Because he found a cool channel

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If American coffee lovers ever made a porn channel what would they name it?

No- Tea America

Did you know that Andrew Rea's made a reaction channel?

Cringing with Babish

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

porn channel

A husband and wife were in bed watching tv. The husband had the remote in hand switching back and forth between the porn and fishing channels. The wife got pissed off grabbed the remote and kept it on the porn channel and said to hubby.. "Leave it on the porn channel you already know how to fish."

What’s a squirrel’s favorite channel?

Nutflix.

From my six year old who read it at the doctor office today.

An Engineer goes to Hell.

The first thing he notices is, it's awful hot. So he goes and checks the A/C system, and notices a missing belt. He replaces it, and soon it's a cool 78F.

The next thing he notices, is that all the TVs are showing nothing but static. He checks the satellite dish, and sees it's misaligned. He...

If I was a Medium I'd pretend to channel Marshall McLuhan..

then just sit there silently with a smug look on my face.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

And then the fight started . . .

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'
  
And then the fight started...

----------

My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do yo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I pulled this out of my ass one day but here goes....

My dad: I’ve seen that news girl on another weather channel.

Me: They must be owned by the same umbrella company.

If you think the history channel is bad at midnight.

You should see the staff room.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three sailors are discussing their cargo

They are used to transporting goods and make a good living doing so, this time however they've been tasked with taking 300 boxes of penis shaped potatoes across the channel and they all think it's a joke.

"We'll be a laughing stock" says the first sailor.

"I'll never be able to live ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bad weather

A guy goes fishing every Saturday morning. He gets up early and eager, makes his lunch, hooks up his boat and off he goes, all day long.

Well, one Saturday morning he gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his lunch made, puts on his long johns, grabs the dog and goes to the garage to hook up h...

There's a beautiful irony in the fact the history channel is showing less and less history...As if the history

Is in the past.

A German, an Italian, a Frenchman, and an Englishme

...are debating philosophy. The question arises over the course of their debates: what separates man from the animals?


"Technology," says the German. "Other creatures have tools, yet none can match the heights of engineering we have accomplished. It is our industry that separates us fro...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to Write a Paper

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair, in a well lit place, with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.

2. Check your email.

3. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand.

4. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you conce...

Apparently North Korea only has 3 tv channels...

Kim Jong Un, Kim Jong Deux and Kim Jong Trois

What do you call a long, curved potato with a monetized video channel?

A professional U-tuber.

You know what the scientists always say to build up resistance to distractions and channel nature

Ohmmmmmmmmmmmm

I was making a new unboxing video for my youtube channel.

And then I realized my grandpa’s body has been replaced.

You browse the channels all night until you catch a glimpse of what you think is a nipple among the static.

You turn back to the channel in question to occasionally hear some grunting through the snow. You figure now is the best time if ever and for 30 minutes the picture finally comes in clear enough for you to discover that you have been spanking it to Mexican Wrestling.

What would you call a North Korean news channel?

The Medium.

A man is lost in the desert, after walking for two days he finally sees some structure on the horizon.

He realizes this might be his last hope and channels his last remaining energy to get there.

Two hours later he finally gets to what seems to be some kind of well. Barely able to stand up he walks around it to find a bucket or something, but there doesn't seem to be anything of the sort and t...

I went to make a joke on the Para-Olympic's YouTube channel

but the comments were disabled.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hotel Porn

I'm a modest man. I checked into my hotel recently and told the lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled."

She replied, "No, it's regular-people porn, you sick bastard!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Comedian Jeff Dunham has been accused of sexual assault

After allegations from his coworkers saying that he's been fisting them for decades.

Just look up his Youtube channel if you want to see evidence of this abuse. Millions have just sat by and watched while these poor souls suffered through tremendous pain right in-front of them.

r/jokes now has a discord channel!

Great!! Now I can see reposted jokes in real-time.

I woke up and watched the Religion channel for a change...

And there was a man shouting at me on the tv. "YOU MAY NOT HAVE KNOWN THIS, BUT YOU HAVE ALREADY SINNED TODAY!". "But I just woke up, I'm still in bed", I thought. I rolled over and asked my sister if I had sinned today.

I've been trying to get a job on The Weather Channel forever...

But turnover is low due to their low pressure system

Whats my knee's favourite channel?

Dis-knee channel.

Ted decided to go start a youtube channel

This youtube channel was solely for making diss tracks about famous youtubers. Unfortunately, his first one was not successful, it was incredibly bad, and so he got thousands of dislikes. Undiscouraged, Ted made a few more diss tracks and uploaded them, only to get hate messages and death threats so...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wife and me checked into a motel recently...

On the counter was a promotional card... said 24/7 adult entertainment channel available in every room.

So I asked the desk clerk... can you make certain that the porno channel for our our room is disabled...?

She said: no - it's just regular porn, you sick bastard.

I was watching the Dyslexic news channel earlier.

Apparently North Korea are making unclear threats to the US.

I’m starting a YouTube channel about my fixation with lizards and snakes. What am I going to call it?

A Reptile Dysfunction

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Adhering to my strict religious beliefs, I asked the girl at the front desk if the porn channel in my room could be disabled.

She gave me a real dirty look and exclaimed: "We only have regular porn, you SICK FUCK!"

Did you guys hear that DaddyOFive ALREADY has a new Youtube channel?

It's called DaddyOThree

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Top 10 Things That Prison Guards Hate

10) Inmates who don't flush after eating chili for lunch.

9) Coming up with one too many during a head count.

8) Having to break up a fight in the shower.

7) Being asked to be the bridesmaid when two inmates tie the knot.

6) Recognizing the newest inmate as your financial...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman is watching the food channel...

Her husband says: why are you watching this? You can't even cook!
She replies: you watch porn all day long and I dont even say anything!

A husband calls the Sheriff's office to report his wife missing.

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!

Sheriff: Height?

Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sheriff: Weight?

Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sheriff: Color of eyes?

Husband: Sort ...

A blonde was attempting to swim across the English channel.

But she got tired halfway, and swam back.

A Dutchman, a Frenchman and a Belgian are at the channel...

The Frenchman says: "You see that there? That's the channel. The first person to swim across to Britain gets a crate of beer."
The Dutchman and the Belgian agree, and decide to use small radios to keep communication going.
They all set up on the coast, and start the race.

The Dutchman ...

when i was growing up. our tv had a bunch of channels

My favorite channel was "Broil"

What is Donald trumps favorite ESPN Channel?

ESPN Deportes

Four dads are arguing, each dad claims to have the best son in the world.

The first dad says, "My son is the best because he is so rich, I only gave him a small loan of a million dollars and he ended up making four billion dollars from his multi-billion dollar hotel business. He has even appeared on many TV shows. He is so successful that he was elected to lead a country....

A Blonde wife walks in to her living room and finds her blonde husband desperately looking for something.

He's moving furniture, checking in vents, simply looking in every nook and cranny of the living room. Perplexed the wife asks him what he is searching for.
"Hidden Cameras," the husband replies.
"Why!?" The wife asks totally boggled.
"Because the man on the tv knows what I'm doing. Every...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest checks into a hotel and asks the girl on reception "I hope porn channel is disabled"....

The girl replies with "No. It's just the normal stuff you sick fuck".

I was flipping through the channels....

and my wife asked was on the TV.
I said "dust"
And that's how the fight started.

Weather Channel

I taped a Weather Channel logo on our living room window. It’s like having an extra TV.

Local sausage restaurant starts a YouTube channel...

Links in the description.

New Series For The The History Channel

The History Channel is planning a new series, “Airline Tragedies.”

They are putting the pilot together as I write this.

Investigating Hillary Clinton is like fishing on Discovery Channel

... you catch them, you show them, and you let them go.

Believe it or not, Satan took a shot at being a YouTuber

His channel got loads views

Too bad he didn't make a penny though

The channel got demonetized

If you turn on disney channel then you're supporting kids' TV...

...but if Disney channel turns you on. then you need help.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.