This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife walked in on me while I was watching porn

In a panic reflex I instantly changed to a random channel, the fishing channel.

As my wife walked out again she said: "you should stay on the porn channel... you know how to fish."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just found an Origami porn channel

But it’s paper view only

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Was browsing the channel guide and stumbled upon a show called POV Shorts on PBS

I had to put my dick away when I realized POV isn’t just a porn category

I was on the phone to a woman from the babestation channel. I said "Can you hide behind the couch?" Confused, she asked "Why?"

I said "Because my wife is coming downstairs and I can't find the remote."

An engineer dies and goes to hell.

He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly. The moving walkway motor is jammed, so he unjams it. People can get from place to place more easily. The TV was grainy and unclear, so he fixes the connection to t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hey, this week is going to be Hitler week on the History Channel!

Just like every fucking week.

An Englishman named "One-two-three" and a Frenchman named "Un-deux-trios" challenged each other to see whose cat could swim across the Channel first...

After a grueling competition, One-two-three won after Un-deux-trois quatre cinq.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs who swam across the English Channel?

A clever dick

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I noticed that Netflix has a comedy channel called "Netflix is a Joke"

They should make a porn channel and call it "Netflix Sucks"

What T.V. Channel will never air the sitcom Scrubs?

TLC; Because, they don’t want, no scrubs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An elderly couple were watching a Discovery Channel special about a West African bush tribe whose men all had penises 24 inches long.

When the black male reaches a certain age, a string is tied around his penis and on the other end is a weight. After a while, the weight stretches the penis to 24 inches.

Later that evening as the husband was getting out of the shower, his wife looked at him and said, "How about we try the Af...

A man is lost in the desert, after walking for two days he finally sees some structure on the horizon.

He realizes this might be his last hope and channels his last remaining energy to get there.

Two hours later he finally gets to what seems to be some kind of well. Barely able to stand up he walks around it to find a bucket or something, but there doesn't seem to be anything of the sort and t...

A German, an Italian, a Frenchman, and an Englishme

...are debating philosophy. The question arises over the course of their debates: what separates man from the animals?


"Technology," says the German. "Other creatures have tools, yet none can match the heights of engineering we have accomplished. It is our industry that separates us fro...

Coronavirus has its own YouTube channel now.

Already 8,931,812 followers and counting.

An Engineer goes to Hell.

The first thing he notices is, it's awful hot. So he goes and checks the A/C system, and notices a missing belt. He replaces it, and soon it's a cool 78F.

The next thing he notices, is that all the TVs are showing nothing but static. He checks the satellite dish, and sees it's misaligned. He...

After spending a semester of my engineering degree studying the construction of the channel tunnel.

I can reveal it was dug by a huge boring machine.

Why did the black hole stop uploading to his YouTube channel

He was void of ideas

Knew this youtube channel that was run by a necromancer

He mostly does unboxing videos.

Did you see the new youtube channel that's non stop footage of gorillas opening bananas?

It's super ape peeling.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A family checks into a hotel for a vacation...

with their two teenage boys. This will be the first vacation where the boys will have their own hotel room, and their parents are looking forward to some quality time together.

The father checks them all in and gives the two boys their keys. The father knows all too well what teenage boys are...

Four dads are arguing, each dad claims to have the best son in the world.

The first dad says, "My son is the best because he is so rich, I only gave him a small loan of a million dollars and he ended up making four billion dollars from his multi-billion dollar hotel business. He has even appeared on many TV shows. He is so successful that he was elected to lead a country....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wife and me checked into a motel recently...

On the counter was a promotional card... said 24/7 adult entertainment channel available in every room.

So I asked the desk clerk... can you make certain that the porno channel for our our room is disabled...?

She said: no - it's just regular porn, you sick bastard.

How do you support a werewolves YouTube channel?

You lycan subscribe.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

That's how the fight got started...

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'

'No,' she answered.

I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

... She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'

So I ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man tells his wife "you've been watching the food channel for years and you're still one of the worst cooks I know..."

"Honey," she replies, "for how many years you've been watching porn?"

Did you know that Andrew Rea's made a reaction channel?

Cringing with Babish

Ineffective Daily Affirmations

I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.

I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else’s fault.

I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself. Unless, of course, I want to stay employ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If American coffee lovers ever made a porn channel what would they name it?

No- Tea America

There was this little girl sitting on the English side of the English Channel, bawling her eyes out. This pigeon was flying over and spotted her, so the pigeon flew down and asked what was wrong.

The little girl told the pigeon that she wanted to be a ballet dancer more than anything, but the only way she could be a ballet dancer was to get to France, being really the only place that teaches ballet.
After thinking for a moment, the pigeon told the little girl to wait and he would return.<...

What’s a squirrel’s favorite channel?

Nutflix.

From my six year old who read it at the doctor office today.

If I was a Medium I'd pretend to channel Marshall McLuhan..

then just sit there silently with a smug look on my face.

If you think the history channel is bad at midnight.

You should see the staff room.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple is watching TV together...

...and the man keeps switching channels back and forth between golf and porn over and over again.

Finally, his partner says "Jesus Christ,can you stop doing that please? Just leave it on porn! You already know how to play golf."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was checking into a hotel

with my family and was concerned about my kids mistakenly watching the porn channel on the tv. I asked the clerk, " Is the porn channel disabled?" The clerk responded, " No, it's regular porn you sick bastard!"

2 cats were racing across the English channel

An english cat named onetwothree, and a french cat name undeuxtrois.

Which cat won?

123 cat won because undeuxtroix quatre cinq

Retired Preacher man Sits on his sofa....

And he sees on the news channel there's a massive storm and flash floods coming.. news channel says to evacuate but he's stays put...
The Rain begins and so the flood waters rise.. his sofa starts to float .. so he climbs out onto the window ledge and a rescue boat comes along..

" *Jump ...

Two cats had a race across the English Channel.

One cat was British and the other French.

The British cat was named one two three.
The French cat was named une deux trois

Which cat won?

Answer: The British cat.

Why? une deux trois cat sank

Believe it or not, Satan took a shot at being a YouTuber

His channel got loads views

Too bad he didn't make a penny though

The channel got demonetized

Never trust people who channel their negative life experiences into creative expressions

... they're all a bunch of con artists

What happened to Satan’s YouTube channel?

It got demon-itized

Why does DJ Khaled shout his name at the beginning of the songs he produces?

So you know that it's time to change the channel.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three sailors are discussing their cargo

They are used to transporting goods and make a good living doing so, this time however they've been tasked with taking 300 boxes of penis shaped potatoes across the channel and they all think it's a joke.

"We'll be a laughing stock" says the first sailor.

"I'll never be able to live ...

What do you call a long, curved potato with a monetized video channel?

A professional U-tuber.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You know why black people love watching sports?

Easy, cause they dominate that shit.


It's the same reason white people watch the History Channel.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

porn channel

A husband and wife were in bed watching tv. The husband had the remote in hand switching back and forth between the porn and fishing channels. The wife got pissed off grabbed the remote and kept it on the porn channel and said to hubby.. "Leave it on the porn channel you already know how to fish."

You know what the scientists always say to build up resistance to distractions and channel nature

Ohmmmmmmmmmmmm

You browse the channels all night until you catch a glimpse of what you think is a nipple among the static.

You turn back to the channel in question to occasionally hear some grunting through the snow. You figure now is the best time if ever and for 30 minutes the picture finally comes in clear enough for you to discover that you have been spanking it to Mexican Wrestling.

There's a beautiful irony in the fact the history channel is showing less and less history...As if the history

Is in the past.

[long] My company is locked down and I am required to work from home

I'm used to working in an open office space so this is a huge change for me. In order to make the transition as easy as possible, I have prepared my home office so remind me of work.

* I've purchased a piece of Limburger cheese and placed it on a plate in the middle of the room to remind me o...

There once was a wise old man...

There once was a wise old man in a village. Old beyond memory, he channeled the knowledge of nature and the divine for his fellow townsfolk.


Many came to him with questions, until one day he took a vow of silence, shuttering his open door. Instead, he turned to his untended field. He wou...

A joke my religion professor told me...

A Dutch Calvinist gets stranded on a deserted island...

He saved his Bible in the shipwreck, so he maintained a prayerful life despite being stranded. The island was full of fruit and wildlife that he could hunt, so he survived well. Every day he swims out to a channel to see if any ships w...

A Blonde wife walks in to her living room and finds her blonde husband desperately looking for something.

He's moving furniture, checking in vents, simply looking in every nook and cranny of the living room. Perplexed the wife asks him what he is searching for.
"Hidden Cameras," the husband replies.
"Why!?" The wife asks totally boggled.
"Because the man on the tv knows what I'm doing. Every...

Apparently North Korea only has 3 tv channels...

Kim Jong Un, Kim Jong Deux and Kim Jong Trois

My wife sat down next to me

as I was flipping channels.

She asked, "What's on TV?"

I said, "Dust."

And then the fight started...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Bitter Truth!

A man is watching a game of golf on TV. But he keeps switching channels to a dirty movie featuring a lusty couple having raucous sex.

"I don't know whether to watch them or the game", he says to his wife.
"For Heaven's sake, watch them," his wife says.


"You already know how to...

I went to make a joke on the Para-Olympic's YouTube channel

but the comments were disabled.

Sarah Palin is getting a new outdoor TV show on the Sportsman Channel.

The first show will feature her in a river deciding to row vs. wade.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Damn burglar

A guy broke into my apartment last week. He didn't take the TV, just the remote. Now he drives by and changes the channels.

Sick Bastard.

r/jokes now has a discord channel!

Great!! Now I can see reposted jokes in real-time.

What sports channel does Lando Calrissian watch?

BESPN

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Comedian Jeff Dunham has been accused of sexual assault

After allegations from his coworkers saying that he's been fisting them for decades.

Just look up his Youtube channel if you want to see evidence of this abuse. Millions have just sat by and watched while these poor souls suffered through tremendous pain right in-front of them.

I've been trying to get a job on The Weather Channel forever...

But turnover is low due to their low pressure system

Mike walked into a Post Office just before Valentine’s Day

He couldn’t help noticing a middle-aged, balding man standing in a corner sticking “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them.  Then the man got out a bottle of Channel perfume from his pocket and started spraying scent over the envelopes.

By now Mike’s curiosity had got...

What would you call a North Korean news channel?

The Medium.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hey, I'm not saying Hitler was a great guy.

But he really saved the History channel.

I woke up and watched the Religion channel for a change...

And there was a man shouting at me on the tv. "YOU MAY NOT HAVE KNOWN THIS, BUT YOU HAVE ALREADY SINNED TODAY!". "But I just woke up, I'm still in bed", I thought. I rolled over and asked my sister if I had sinned today.

I’m starting a YouTube channel about my fixation with lizards and snakes. What am I going to call it?

A Reptile Dysfunction

Ted decided to go start a youtube channel

This youtube channel was solely for making diss tracks about famous youtubers. Unfortunately, his first one was not successful, it was incredibly bad, and so he got thousands of dislikes. Undiscouraged, Ted made a few more diss tracks and uploaded them, only to get hate messages and death threats so...

Whats my knee's favourite channel?

Dis-knee channel.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What TV station is the biggest dick of a channel?

The BBC

Licking the frosting

One day a little girl and her mother are riding in the car. The mother is driving past the park and the girl points out a couple under a blanket. The Girl asked her mother what the people under the blanket were doing so the mother replied “They are baking a cake”. Later that night the family is fl...

Hairstyle Competition

Hello, my name is John and I would like to tell you about the time I entered a hairstyle competition. You see, I have always loved trying out different hairstyles and colors. It is something I have put great effort into!

It was about February of last year that the idea of entering a hairstyle...

A Dutchman, a Frenchman and a Belgian are at the channel...

The Frenchman says: "You see that there? That's the channel. The first person to swim across to Britain gets a crate of beer."
The Dutchman and the Belgian agree, and decide to use small radios to keep communication going.
They all set up on the coast, and start the race.

The Dutchman ...

A husband calls the Sheriff's office to report his wife missing.

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!

Sheriff: Height?

Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sheriff: Weight?

Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sheriff: Color of eyes?

Husband: Sort ...

The year is 2219

A dishevelled white haired man crosses the desert that was once the English Channel from the United Kingdom of England to visit the capital of the Eurasian Empire in Brussels. As has been the case for 200 years, he delivers an unsigned letter and returns home, only to repeat the process again the n...

A man rushes home late from work, slams the door open and plops himself down on the sofa. He turns on the tv and looks at his wife “quick” he says “get me a beer and some food before it starts!”

The wife gets up slowly looking startled but slightly excited. She wanders into the kitchen and comes back quickly with a beer and some food for her husband.

The man gulps down the beer and looks back to his wife “quick!” He says “get me another beer before it starts!” The man goes back to fl...

How come Chinese people don't have phone books?

They have so many Wing's and Wong's, they're afraid somebody might Wing the Wong number.

Sorry if it's a repost. I heard it on the Disney channel roughly 20 years ago. I'll never forget that one!

I was watching the Dyslexic news channel earlier.

Apparently North Korea are making unclear threats to the US.

What is Donald trumps favorite ESPN Channel?

ESPN Deportes

when i was growing up. our tv had a bunch of channels

My favorite channel was "Broil"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The man who loved fishing

A husband is fanatical about fishing.

Twice a month on the weekend, he heads out for the lake early and spends most of the day.

He does this come rain or shine.

One Saturday morning he gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his lunch made, puts on his long johns, grabs the dog and...

Last night I was watching a Nigerian Christmas movie...

And the part when Mary tells Joseph that she is pregnant, Joseph was surprised and he exclaimed, "Jesus Christ!!!". I immediately stopped watching changed the channel

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Adhering to my strict religious beliefs, I asked the girl at the front desk if the porn channel in my room could be disabled.

She gave me a real dirty look and exclaimed: "We only have regular porn, you SICK FUCK!"

If you turn on disney channel then you're supporting kids' TV...

...but if Disney channel turns you on. then you need help.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.