UPJOKE
conveycarrycanalducttransmitrivertransmissiondirectbringpassageexpresslinelinkgutterconduct

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There is an origami porn channel

It's paper view

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My wife caught me one day for watching a porn channel so i quickly turned the tv to a fishing channel. On her way out she said:

‘You should stay on the porn channel. You know how to fish!’

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An interview with an old man .

An 80 years old man had an interview with the local TV channel and they told him : old man can you tell us about a happy memory from your youth ?

Old man : one time my donkey got lost and all the village went out to search for and when we found it we were so happy we all fucked it .

J...

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Three sailors are discussing their cargo

They are used to transporting goods and make a good living doing so, this time however they've been tasked with taking 300 boxes of penis shaped potatoes across the channel and they all think it's a joke.

"We'll be a laughing stock" says the first sailor.

"I'll never be able to live it...

Dear sir, On behalf of Channel Four may I thank you for your application submitted on behalf of your wife for our new reality show.

Also the charming photograph you enclosed. Whilst agreeing that she could make a worthy contribution to the program if selected, I would point out that the correct title of the series is actually "Fact Hunt". Kind regards Channel Four.

When you're in a relationship, you don't need a secure channel to talk to your partner.

Communication is already encrypted.

An Engineer accidentally goes to Hell instead of Heaven

An Engineer dies and goes to hell. He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly.

The moving walkway motor jammed, so he unjams it. People can get from place to place more easily.

The TV was grain...

A French cat and a British cat had a swimming race

So a French cat and a British cat, by the names of "One two three Cat" and "Un deux trois Cat" had a swimming race across the channel to decide wether or not to call it the French channel or British channel. One two three Cat won. Why? Because Un deux trois Cat sank.

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Dear Diary,

Dear Diary,

For my fortieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.

Although I am still in great shape since playing football 24 yrs ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

Called...

The Soviet Union had two TV channels

One was propaganda,

and the other was a KGB agent telling you to turn back to the propaganda

A Soviet citizen turns on the TV

On the first channel, Brezhnev is delivering a speech. The man switches to the second channel: Brezhnev again. Channel three: still Brezhnev. He turns to the fourth channel, and it’s showing a KGB colonel who shakes his fist and warns: "You’d better stop changing channels…"

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In a Channel 8 poll, men were asked what do they prefer, football or sex ?

Most of them responded , sex , but in halftime.

A Blonde wife walks into her living room and finds her blonde husband desperately looking for something.

## He's moving furniture, checking in vents, simply looking in every nook and cranny of the living room. Perplexed the wife asks him what he is searching for.

## "Hidden Cameras," the husband replies.

## "Why!?" The wife asks totally boggled.

## "Because the man on the tv knows ...

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A family is checking in to a hotel on vacation

So the father of the family says to the hotel clerk
"I hope that all the adult channels will be disabled"

And the clerk replies
"They're all just regular adult channels you sick fuck"

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[long] A bear and a rabbit...

<Prologue>


A bear is taking a shit in the woods one day when a rabbit comes by.

. The bear asks "hey rabbit, do you have problems with shit sticking to your fur?


" no" says the rabbit.

So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit..


<rabbit wil...

A werewolf stenographer starts a YouTube channel from his post on a U-boat:

Lychan Sub Scribe

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A blonde was driving her car down an Iowa highway in August

As she drove down the road, she had her radio tuned to an all talk channel. The dj on the radio was telling blonde joke after blonde joke non stop, and finally the blonde woman got angry. She turned the radio off and tore the knob off the radio and threw it out the window. A few miles later she came...

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My first YouTube video!

I'm starting a YouTube channel! My first video will be a poor edit of my weird opinions on Japanese mushrooms supposedly giving you diarrhea.

"Shit takes of shit takes on Shiitake shit aches"

What has 12 writers, 20 actors, and 3 plots?

The Hallmark Channel

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After reading about Zelensky's massive balls all over the internet Putin calls up Zelensky to prove him wrong. They decide to meet up in Ukraine to put it to a test.

"He, who ejaculates most wins!" said Putin. Zelensky agreed.

First up, it was Putin. He began stroking his tiny member and after a few seconds, out came his seeds.

"100 millilitres!!" shouted someone from the back.

"Piss off, Trump. It's just 10 millilitres" said Biden who h...

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An elderly couple were watching a Discovery Channel special about a West African bush tribe whose men all had penises 24 inches long.

When the black male reaches a certain age, a string is tied around his penis and on the other end is a weight. After a while, the weight stretches the penis to 24 inches.

Later that evening as the husband was getting out of the shower, his wife looked at him and said, "How about we try the Af...

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A husband and wife lay in bed watching tv together

with the remote in his hand, he continuously flicks between 2 channels. one features men fishing while the other contains a lot of sex scenes.

after watching one for about a minute, he flicks back to the other. the wife, who is now annoyed with his indecisiveness, demands that he choose one s...

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A man tells his wife "you've been watching the food channel for years and you're still one of the worst cooks I know..."

"Honey," she replies, "for how many years you've been watching porn?"

Today I found a Youtube channel about moss

They told me to lichen subscribe

What is Mia Khalifa's favorite tv channel?

BBC News

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Was browsing the channel guide and stumbled upon a show called POV Shorts on PBS

I had to put my dick away when I realized POV isn’t just a porn category

An English cat named ABC challenges a French cat named 123 to a swim across the English Channel, from the UK to France. They both swim hard, but only the English cat makes it. What happened to the other cat?

Well, un deux trois quatre cinq.

What does going to the massage parlor and watching a Hallmark Channel movie have in common?

You always know you’re getting a happy ending.

An Englishman named "One-two-three" and a Frenchman named "Un-deux-trios" challenged each other to see whose cat could swim across the Channel first...

After a grueling competition, One-two-three won after Un-deux-trois quatre cinq.

Want to know why it’s called the British Channel, and not the French Channel?

Well to settle the argument a long while ago, British and French noblemen decided to race cats along the Channel for the naming rights.

So the British cat crossed the Channel in,

one, two, three, four and five easy steps.

The French cat attempted the crossing,

Un, duex...

I was on the phone to a woman from the babestation channel. I said "Can you hide behind the couch?" Confused, she asked "Why?"

I said "Because my wife is coming downstairs and I can't find the remote."

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Hey, this week is going to be Hitler week on the History Channel!

Just like every fucking week.

want to change the world?

If you want to change the world, do it while you're single. Once you're married, you can't even change the TV Channel !

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs who swam across the English Channel?

A clever dick

I tried to find pictures of the British broadcasting channel on Google

But all I found were new insecurities

Did you see the new youtube channel that's non stop footage of gorillas opening bananas?

It's super ape peeling.

How do you know when it's time to change the channel?

*"Previously on God Friended Me..."*

Expensive Perfume

So, big Moira, from Glasgow, is on a weekend trip to London.

She is in an elevator in a Harrods, when two young and beautiful women get into the elevator, smelling of expensive perfume.

Big Moira remarks, "My, what nice aromas!"

One of the women turns, looks Moira up and down...

What happened to Satan’s YouTube channel?

It got demon-itized

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I noticed that Netflix has a comedy channel called "Netflix is a Joke"

They should make a porn channel and call it "Netflix Sucks"

There was this little girl sitting on the English side of the English Channel, bawling her eyes out. This pigeon was flying over and spotted her, so the pigeon flew down and asked what was wrong.

The little girl told the pigeon that she wanted to be a ballet dancer more than anything, but the only way she could be a ballet dancer was to get to France, being really the only place that teaches ballet.
After thinking for a moment, the pigeon told the little girl to wait and he would return.<...

What’s a squirrel’s favorite channel?

Nutflix.

From my six year old who read it at the doctor office today.

What T.V. Channel will never air the sitcom Scrubs?

TLC; Because, they don’t want, no scrubs.

An elderly woman goes to the doctor

When the doctor asks her inside, she starts:

"Doctor, please help me. I am plagued by terrible flatulence. Gladly, my farts are silent and don't smell. However, I couldn't help to fart four our five times even since I entered your office."

The doctor has a thoughtful expression on her ...

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porn channel

A husband and wife were in bed watching tv. The husband had the remote in hand switching back and forth between the porn and fishing channels. The wife got pissed off grabbed the remote and kept it on the porn channel and said to hubby.. "Leave it on the porn channel you already know how to fish."

After spending a semester of my engineering degree studying the construction of the channel tunnel.

I can reveal it was dug by a huge boring machine.

Why did the black hole stop uploading to his YouTube channel

He was void of ideas

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A man walks into a hotel

Goes to the reception and books a room. He then goes up to his room and flicks through the channels on the tv, and is disgusted when he finds the porn channels. So he marched downstairs to the reception and demands that the porn channels be disabled. The person behind the counter quickly shouts back...

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If American coffee lovers ever made a porn channel what would they name it?

No- Tea America

There's a beautiful irony in the fact the history channel is showing less and less history...As if the history

Is in the past.

I bought a house boat and tried to watch the history channel on the tv

Unfortunately all I could get was current events

If you think the history channel is bad at midnight.

You should see the staff room.

You know what the scientists always say to build up resistance to distractions and channel nature

Ohmmmmmmmmmmmm

Apparently North Korea only has 3 tv channels...

Kim Jong Un, Kim Jong Deux and Kim Jong Trois

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Since it was such a crappy day, I sat in my recliner and started thinking about life.

I came to realize that as I have grown older I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore, a friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.

Lance Armstrong ... I think i...

What would you call a North Korean news channel?

The Medium.

If I was a Medium I'd pretend to channel Marshall McLuhan..

then just sit there silently with a smug look on my face.

A Blonde, a Brunette, and a Redhead were standing on a beach

They had decided the previous evening whilst in the pub to try and swim the English channel. After some dicussion, they decided the quickest way would be to do the breast stroke, so off they set.

One day later the Redhead reached the French coast. Having lost sight of the other two swimmers j...

What do you call a long, curved potato with a monetized video channel?

A professional U-tuber.

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A Frenchman, an Englishman and an Australian were hiking through some remote mountains.

The weather was oppressively hot when they saw this beautiful lake. They ran down to the lake, stripped off and swam in the wonderfully cool water.

Natives appeared on the shore and captured them and took them before the Chief.

"Lake is our most sacred site. You have violated sacred si...

I was watching the Dyslexic news channel earlier.

Apparently North Korea are making unclear threats to the US.

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Comedian Jeff Dunham has been accused of sexual assault

After allegations from his coworkers saying that he's been fisting them for decades.

Just look up his Youtube channel if you want to see evidence of this abuse. Millions have just sat by and watched while these poor souls suffered through tremendous pain right in-front of them.

Two friends met at the neighborhood supermarket.

When they got to the checkout one of the ladies started rummaging through her purse for her wallet, she took out a few things, including a TV remote.

“Do you always take the remote with you when you go shopping?” The other woman laughed.

“No,” the woman answered “But I asked my husband...

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Adhering to my strict religious beliefs, I asked the girl at the front desk if the porn channel in my room could be disabled.

She gave me a real dirty look and exclaimed: "We only have regular porn, you SICK FUCK!"

Whats my knee's favourite channel?

Dis-knee channel.

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A woman is watching the food channel...

Her husband says: why are you watching this? You can't even cook!
She replies: you watch porn all day long and I dont even say anything!

r/jokes now has a discord channel!

Great!! Now I can see reposted jokes in real-time.

I went to make a joke on the Para-Olympic's YouTube channel

but the comments were disabled.

Ted decided to go start a youtube channel

This youtube channel was solely for making diss tracks about famous youtubers. Unfortunately, his first one was not successful, it was incredibly bad, and so he got thousands of dislikes. Undiscouraged, Ted made a few more diss tracks and uploaded them, only to get hate messages and death threats so...

Sarah Palin is getting a new outdoor TV show on the Sportsman Channel.

The first show will feature her in a river deciding to row vs. wade.

You browse the channels all night until you catch a glimpse of what you think is a nipple among the static.

You turn back to the channel in question to occasionally hear some grunting through the snow. You figure now is the best time if ever and for 30 minutes the picture finally comes in clear enough for you to discover that you have been spanking it to Mexican Wrestling.

I've been trying to get a job on The Weather Channel forever...

But turnover is low due to their low pressure system

I’m starting a YouTube channel about my fixation with lizards and snakes. What am I going to call it?

A Reptile Dysfunction

A blonde was attempting to swim across the English channel.

But she got tired halfway, and swam back.

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That's how the fight got started...

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'

'No,' she answered.

I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

... She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'

So I ...

Did you guys hear that DaddyOFive ALREADY has a new Youtube channel?

It's called DaddyOThree

An Engineer goes to Hell.

The first thing he notices is, it's awful hot. So he goes and checks the A/C system, and notices a missing belt. He replaces it, and soon it's a cool 78F.

The next thing he notices, is that all the TVs are showing nothing but static. He checks the satellite dish, and sees it's misaligned. He...

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A priest checks into a hotel and asks the girl on reception "I hope porn channel is disabled"....

The girl replies with "No. It's just the normal stuff you sick fuck".

A husband calls the Sheriff's office to report his wife missing.

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!

Sheriff: Height?

Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sheriff: Weight?

Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sheriff: Color of eyes?

Husband: Sort ...

A Dutchman, a Frenchman and a Belgian are at the channel...

The Frenchman says: "You see that there? That's the channel. The first person to swim across to Britain gets a crate of beer."
The Dutchman and the Belgian agree, and decide to use small radios to keep communication going.
They all set up on the coast, and start the race.

The Dutchman ...

What is Donald trumps favorite ESPN Channel?

ESPN Deportes

Weather Channel

I taped a Weather Channel logo on our living room window. It’s like having an extra TV.

when i was growing up. our tv had a bunch of channels

My favorite channel was "Broil"

Local sausage restaurant starts a YouTube channel...

Links in the description.

New Series For The The History Channel

The History Channel is planning a new series, “Airline Tragedies.”

They are putting the pilot together as I write this.

Investigating Hillary Clinton is like fishing on Discovery Channel

... you catch them, you show them, and you let them go.

I was flipping through the channels....

and my wife asked was on the TV.
I said "dust"
And that's how the fight started.

This new fish cooking channel sounds kinda dirty.

Especially, the Filet Show.

What's the most popular sports channel in Mexico?

ESPÑOL

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