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Channel Jokes

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Yo mama so fat, they did a story on how fat she was on the channel 3 news

I switched to channel 7 and you could still see her ass in the corner of the screen

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Fishing channel or porn channel?

A married couple are laying in bed, flipping through channels while the decide what to watch. The husband has the remote, and he is constantly flipping through the fishing channel and the porn channel. Eventually, the wife makes the decision.

"Look, you can just leave it on the porn channel,"...

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Just found an origami porn channel

Unfortunately it’s paper view

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My wife caught me one day for watching a porn channel so i quickly turned the tv to a fishing channel. On her way out she said:

‘You should stay on the porn channel. You know how to fish!’

Looking to hire someone to change the channel and volume on my tv.

Must be able to work remote.

Two cats decided to have a swimming race across the English channel

The English cat's name was One-Two-Three, and the French cat's name was Un-Deux-Trois. They both swam as fast as they could across the Channel, but in the end, the One-Two-Three cat was declared the winner because.....

the Un-Deux-Trois cat sank! (quatre cinq)

It's 1987 and an Englishman and a Frenchman are discussing the Channel Tunnel.

The Frenchman is saying how wonderful it is that this co-operative venture is taking place, and that he never expected the English to go to such trouble to be united to the mainland of Europe.

"Oh that's nothing," says the Englishman, "You should have seen the trouble we had digging the...

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A man tells his wife "you've been watching the food channel for years and you're still one of the worst cooks I know..."

"Honey," she replies, "for how many years you've been watching porn?"

What is Beetlejuice's favorite TV Channel?

It's Showtime!

Two cats--one English, one French--held a swimming race across the English Channel.

The English cat was named One Two Three; his French competitor was named Un Deux Trois.

Unfortunately, Un Deux Trois cat sank.

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An elderly couple were watching a Discovery Channel special about a West African bush tribe whose men all had penises 24 inches long.

When the black male reaches a certain age, a string is tied around his penis and on the other end is a weight. After a while, the weight stretches the penis to 24 inches.

Later that evening as the husband was getting out of the shower, his wife looked at him and said, "How about we try the Af...

After I broke up with my short girlfriend, she started a YouTube channel dedicated to trashing me.

I said "well that's a little ex stream"

In the 80s, Britain only had three channels

BBC 1, BBC 2, and The English Channel

What's the Kardashians favorite news channel?

BBC

Want to know why it’s called the British Channel, and not the French Channel?

Well to settle the argument a long while ago, British and French noblemen decided to race cats along the Channel for the naming rights.

So the British cat crossed the Channel in,

one, two, three, four and five easy steps.

The French cat attempted the crossing,

Un, duex...

The Soviet Union had two TV channels

One was propaganda,

and the other was a KGB agent telling you to turn back to the propaganda

What happened to Satan’s YouTube channel?

It got demon-itized

The NFL should start showing Dallas Cowboys games on the history channel

Because their fans always love to talk about the past

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Comedian Jeff Dunham has been accused of sexual assault

After allegations from his coworkers saying that he's been fisting them for decades.

Just look up his Youtube channel if you want to see evidence of this abuse. Millions have just sat by and watched while these poor souls suffered through tremendous pain right in-front of them.

A werewolf stenographer starts a YouTube channel from his post on a U-boat:

Lychan Sub Scribe

Today I found a Youtube channel about moss

They told me to lichen subscribe

I just started a YouTube channel about viruses.

I guess you could say I’m a real influenz-er

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Hotel guest to desk clerk: "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled."

Desk clerk: "No, it's regular porn you sick fuck."

When you're in a relationship, you don't need a secure channel to talk to your partner.

Communication is already encrypted.

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In a Channel 8 poll, men were asked what do they prefer, football or sex ?

Most of them responded , sex , but in halftime.

What’s a squirrel’s favorite channel?

Nutflix.

From my six year old who read it at the doctor office today.

Dear Sir, On behalf of Channel Four may I thank you for your application submitted on behalf of your wife for our new reality show

Also the charming photograph you enclosed. Whilst agreeing that she could make a worthy contribution to the program if selected, I would point out that the correct title of the series is actually "Fact Hunt".

Kind regards
Channel Four.

An Engineer accidentally goes to Hell instead of Heaven

An Engineer dies and goes to hell. He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly.

The moving walkway motor jammed, so he unjams it. People can get from place to place more easily.

The TV was grain...

I was watching the Dyslexic news channel earlier.

Apparently North Korea are making unclear threats to the US.

What do you call the YouTube channel of a werewolf who works on submarines to stay out of the way of full moons and copies all the documents for the captain?

Lycan sub scribe

Weather Channel

I taped a Weather Channel logo on our living room window. It’s like having an extra TV.

What T.V. Channel will never air the sitcom Scrubs?

TLC; Because, they don’t want, no scrubs.

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Three sailors are discussing their cargo

They are used to transporting goods and make a good living doing so, this time however they've been tasked with taking 300 boxes of penis shaped potatoes across the channel and they all think it's a joke.

"We'll be a laughing stock" says the first sailor.

"I'll never be able to live ...

Whats my knee's favourite channel?

Dis-knee channel.

The history Channel +1

Where history repeats itself.

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A woman is watching the food channel...

Her husband says: why are you watching this? You can't even cook!
She replies: you watch porn all day long and I dont even say anything!

What would you call a North Korean news channel?

The Medium.

Apparently North Korea only has 3 tv channels...

Kim Jong Un, Kim Jong Deux and Kim Jong Trois

r/jokes now has a discord channel!

Great!! Now I can see reposted jokes in real-time.

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Was browsing the channel guide and stumbled upon a show called POV Shorts on PBS

I had to put my dick away when I realized POV isn’t just a porn category

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Hey, this week is going to be Hitler week on the History Channel!

Just like every fucking week.

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I noticed that Netflix has a comedy channel called "Netflix is a Joke"

They should make a porn channel and call it "Netflix Sucks"

Did you know that Andrew Rea's made a reaction channel?

Cringing with Babish

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Hey, I'm not saying Hitler was a great guy.

But he really saved the History channel.

Did you see the new youtube channel that's non stop footage of gorillas opening bananas?

It's super ape peeling.

Ted decided to go start a youtube channel

This youtube channel was solely for making diss tracks about famous youtubers. Unfortunately, his first one was not successful, it was incredibly bad, and so he got thousands of dislikes. Undiscouraged, Ted made a few more diss tracks and uploaded them, only to get hate messages and death threats so...

What is Donald trumps favorite ESPN Channel?

ESPN Deportes

A husband calls the Sheriff's office to report his wife missing.

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!

Sheriff: Height?

Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sheriff: Weight?

Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sheriff: Color of eyes?

Husband: Sort ...

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Pick a channel!

Guy is sitting on the couch and has been flipping the TV between golf and porn while his wife has also been sitting on the couch reading a book. After awhile she gets annoyed and snatches the remote from his hand, puts it on porn, puts the remote on the coffee table and tells him "leave it alone, yo...

What does going to the massage parlor and watching a Hallmark Channel movie have in common?

You always know you’re getting a happy ending.

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An interview with an old man .

An 80 years old man had an interview with the local TV channel and they told him : old man can you tell us about a happy memory from your youth ?

Old man : one time my donkey got lost and all the village went out to search for and when we found it we were so happy we all fucked it .

J...

New Series For The The History Channel

The History Channel is planning a new series, “Airline Tragedies.”

They are putting the pilot together as I write this.

A blonde was attempting to swim across the English channel.

But she got tired halfway, and swam back.

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If American coffee lovers ever made a porn channel what would they name it?

No- Tea America

If I was a Medium I'd pretend to channel Marshall McLuhan..

then just sit there silently with a smug look on my face.

After spending a semester of my engineering degree studying the construction of the channel tunnel.

I can reveal it was dug by a huge boring machine.

Local sausage restaurant starts a YouTube channel...

Links in the description.

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs who swam across the English Channel?

A clever dick

This new fish cooking channel sounds kinda dirty.

Especially, the Filet Show.

What do you call a long, curved potato with a monetized video channel?

A professional U-tuber.

What's the most popular sports channel in Mexico?

ESPÑOL

I kept adding my input, saying that this channel wasn’t really a good one. But it didn’t work.

I then realized that my tv was bad at reading signals

A blond, a brunette and a redhead . . .

were in a breast stroke competition to cross the English Channel. They all dove in together on the shores of the UK. Across the Channel on the shores of France, the judges and media waited patiently.
After a few hours the redhead emerged from the waters to hearty cheers. About a half hour late...

I went to make a joke on the Para-Olympic's YouTube channel

but the comments were disabled.

Why Do News Channels love April Fools Day?

Because it's socially acceptable to do what they already do every day of the year.

I've been trying to get a job on The Weather Channel forever...

But turnover is low due to their low pressure system

Investigating Hillary Clinton is like fishing on Discovery Channel

... you catch them, you show them, and you let them go.

I can never find a good channel where people boil eggs

They're always scrambled

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I have a friend who grew up in the USSR.

He says they only had 2 channels on the tv. Channel 1 was just soviet propaganda, talking about how amazing stalin was, and channel 2 was a KGB agent telling you to switch the fuck back to channel 1 or else.

If you turn on disney channel then you're supporting kids' TV...

...but if Disney channel turns you on. then you need help.

You know what the scientists always say to build up resistance to distractions and channel nature

Ohmmmmmmmmmmmm

Two day ago, my wife watched a romance movie.

That night, we had a romantic dinner.

Yesterday, she watched an erotic movie, and last night was fantastic.

Today, I'm deleting all the horror movie channels.

when i was growing up. our tv had a bunch of channels

My favorite channel was "Broil"

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