The 34+ Best Transportation Jokes

What do a Middle Eastern transportation center and a mythological English kingdom have in common?

They're both camel-lots

What do you call a mentally deranged, carbon-free transportation enjoying person?

A cycle-path

What is a sneeze’s favorite mode of transportation?

Ah-choo choo train

Did you hear the department of transportation is laying off thousands of workers?

They invented a shovel that stands up by itself.

What’s Harry Potter’s favorite mode of transportation?

Walking

JK.
Rolling.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An atheist dies, goes to hell, and finds himself in a lush park with butterflies.

His physical body has transformed back into its prime and he's then greeted by Satan who says "Why hello there! Welcome to hell. Let me show you around, you're gonna love it here."

Satan points to a nice house and says "what do you think of this house?" The atheist replies "It's beautiful, I ...

England is finally honoring it's longest river entirely in it's border by making repairs to the over 45 navigation locks used for transportation, improving the many drinking water systems abstracting flow from it's discharge into the sea, and providing for wildlife sanctuaries near the coast.

The people will vote on the entire referendum poised to fund the project.

It's called the Bond...the Thames Bond....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It seems that the California Dept. of Transportation wanted to build a highway that went right smack through Chief Bowels' teepee.

It seems that the California Dept. of Transportation wanted to build a highway that went right smack through Chief Bowels' teepee. Chief Bowels said, "Bowels no move," and the chief engineer said, "See my supervisor here at this address; second floor, first door on LEFT." Well, Chief Bowels found th...

What's the saddest form of transportation?

A moped.

The Kansas Department of Transportation (KDOT) found over 450 dead crows on I-35 this past week, and there was concern that they may have died from the Coronavirus.

A veterinary epidemiologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Coronavirus (COVID-19).

The cause of death was actually from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird'...

I'm in a band called "Transportation".

We're going places.

Because of my dyslexia, sometimes I get lost when I use public transportation.

Oops sorry. Wrong bus.

Did you hear about the guy who got caught living on public transportation?

Bus Ted

What do you call an excitable small black insect that used to work for a multi national transportation company?

An exuberant ex-uber ant.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's three days before prom, and Billy realizes he still hasn't gotten his tux yet...

It's three days before prom, and Billy realizes he still hasn't gotten his tux yet. So, he goes all the way downtown to the tux store and when he opens the door there's a huge long tux line. Apparently everyone in town waited until the last possible minute to rent a tux, which shouldn't be that surp...

Who do Egyptians pray to when the public transportation breaks down?

Anubis

(If you don't get it, say it slower.)

Did you hear about the politician who wants our public transportation to run on alternative fuels?

He promises to make the trains run on Thyme.

Motorbikes are ideal transportation for people that don't intend to have children.

They wouldn't even let me bring our newborn home from the hospital.

A nun and a priest were traveling across the desert and realized halfway across that the camel they were using for transportation was about to die.

They set up a make-shift camp, hoping someone would
come to their rescue, but to no avail. Soon the camel died.

After several days of not being rescued, they agreed that
they were not going to be rescued. They prayed a lot (of course), and
they discussed their predicament in ...

Talulah Riley is starting her own space transportation company

It will be called SpaceEX

I didn't want to believe that my dad was fired for stealing from the transportation department

But when I got home, the signs were all there.

As a dyslexic person who frequently fails to board the proper means of public transportation...

Whoops, wrong bus.

The new Director of Public Transportation is obsessed with "green" fuels.

He's made all the buses run on thyme.

A white guy, a black guy, and a Chinese guy go to work at a coal mine.

When they arrive the manager assigns each of them a task. The white guy, Frank, is in charge of digging. The black guy, Jamaal, is in charge of transportation. The Chinese guy, Wong, is in charge of supplies.

They get to work and everything is going smoothly. Frank is digging up the coal at...

United Airlines should get into the rail transportation business...

...because they have the longest karma train that I've ever seen.

Which transportation industry was accused of having wrong intentions?

Loco-motive industry

(first post: don't be mean please)

Roe vs Wade is in the news again.

Right now, it's the two main forms of Houston transportation

What kind of transportation does the Pope take?

Mass transit.

The Pope & his crossword puzzle

A man is preparing to board a train when he hears that the Pope is also going to be using that mode of transportation because he apparently wanted to try something different.

"This is exciting," the man thinks. "I've always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I'll be able to see him in person...

Three women die enter hell, and Satan greets them at the doorway.

"Welcome, sinners!" he says with a grin. "In heaven, your rank would be based on your purity, but not down here! Your mode of transportation will be decided by the number of MEN you have hooked up with." He turned to face the first woman. "How many men have you hooked up with?"

"Around five I...

In the year 2010, the Lord came unto Noah and said:

“Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flash before me.
Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending...

Super Bowl tickets

Short notice, but a friend of mine has two tickets for the Super Bowl. They are box seats that he spent $5,700 a piece for which includes transportation to and from the stadium, open bar, and a pass to the winners locker room.

What he did not realize was last year when he purchased them th...

A Canadian couple takes their pet polar bear to Antarctica

Years ago, a couple in Canada found an abandoned polar bear cub and decided to adopt and raise it themselves. By the time the bear was grown up, it had become very tame, very friendly, and rather jovial.

Life with a pet polar bear turned out to be pretty fun, but one problem was that takin...

For my cake day, here's the oldest joke in my email, sent to me in 1996.

In honor of my cake day, I'm sharing the oldest joke in my email archive, that was sent to me on September 17, 1996.

Three unrelated men happen to die on the same day and go to heaven. St. Peter meets them at the gates and says "Congratulations! You've all made it to Heaven. Now, de...

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