As a dyslexic person who frequently fails to board the proper means of public transportation...

Whoops, wrong bus.

What’s Harry Potter’s favorite mode of transportation?

Walking






JK.
Rolling.

Did you hear about the politician who wants our public transportation to run on alternative fuels?

He promises to make the trains run on Thyme.

Explaining my embarrassing transportation kink to a bus driver

"Excuse me, this is where I normally get off"

Because of my dyslexia, sometimes I get lost when I use public transportation.

Oops sorry. Wrong bus.

What do you call an excitable small black insect that used to work for a multi national transportation company?

An exuberant ex-uber ant.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Modern Day Cowboy

A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the Texas plains without water.


His horse has already died of thirst.


He's crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last breath, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards a...

Motorbikes are ideal transportation for people that don't intend to have children.

They wouldn't even let me bring our newborn home from the hospital.

I didn't want to believe my father was stealing from the transportation department.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

The new Director of Public Transportation is obsessed with "green" fuels.

He's made all the buses run on thyme.

Three guys die and go to heaven

St. Peter meets them at the pearly gates, and announces "welcome to heaven. it is a vast and holy place. I will assign you a vehicle based on how faithful you were to your spouses"

The first man walks up and is given the keys to a beat up 1989 Honda Civic and St. Peter says to him "you cheate...

Talulah Riley is starting her own space transportation company

It will be called SpaceEX

Did you hear the department of transportation is laying off thousands of workers?

They invented a shovel that stands up by itself.

Why do people say "language"?

Saying "language" when hearing a bad word is like saying "transportation" when getting hit by a car.

United Airlines should get into the rail transportation business...

...because they have the longest karma train that I've ever seen.

I'm in a band called "Transportation".

We're going places.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] [Long] Three men are stranded in the middle of the desert. Each one of them is starving, thirsty, and desperate to get home...

As they trudge through the endless desert, one of them spots a small cottage in the distance with scrap metal and junk all around it. He told the others and they all thought it was just a mirage. But as they drew near the cottage, they learned that it was very real.

They all get excited. C...

A nun and a priest were traveling across the desert and realized halfway across that the camel they were using for transportation was about to die.

They set up a make-shift camp, hoping someone would
come to their rescue, but to no avail. Soon the camel died.

After several days of not being rescued, they agreed that
they were not going to be rescued. They prayed a lot (of course), and
they discussed their predicament in ...

Crows aren’t so smart after all

The South Carolina Dept of Transportation found over 200 dead crows on highways recently, and there was a concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appear...

A man visits a zoo

A man visits a zoo and asks to speak to the director about the new "Rent-an-Animal" program. The zoo has fallen on hard times financially, so they decided to rent some of their animals outside the usual visitation hours. Usually its the small, cuddly ones, but this man asks for one of the elephants....

Who do Egyptians pray to when the public transportation breaks down?

Anubis

(If you don't get it, say it slower.)

I was working at a transportation company that specializes in construction material

I'm a screwdriver

What happens to a desert-dwellers main transportation when it has been parked in one spot for too long?

It gets Camel-Towed.

What kind of transportation does the Pope take?

Mass transit.

3 men go to heaven

(context: this heaven is different, very different, your way of transportation is based on how many times you’ve sinned, ex. larger amount of sins = worse car, low amount of sins = better car)

3 men go to heaven, 1 man walks up to God, God asks the man “How many times have you cheated in you...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Too Drunk to Remember....

A man had a horrible day , he was upset and stressed and thought you know what, I am gonna drink my ass off tonight, I don't even care.
The bar was across the street from his house so he didn't have to worry about transportation or anything and so he went to get drunk and forget his problems. ...

Roe vs Wade is in the news again.

Right now, it's the two main forms of Houston transportation

A white guy, a black guy, and a Chinese guy go to work at a coal mine.

When they arrive the manager assigns each of them a task. The white guy, Frank, is in charge of digging. The black guy, Jamaal, is in charge of transportation. The Chinese guy, Wong, is in charge of supplies.

They get to work and everything is going smoothly. Frank is digging up the coal at...

The Pope & The Crossword puzzle

A man is preparing to board a train when he hears that the Pope is also going to be using that mode of transportation because he apparently wanted to try something different.

"This is exciting," the man thinks. "I've always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I'll be able to see him in person...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's three days before prom, and Billy realizes he still hasn't gotten his tux yet...

It's three days before prom, and Billy realizes he still hasn't gotten his tux yet. So, he goes all the way downtown to the tux store and when he opens the door there's a huge long tux line. Apparently everyone in town waited until the last possible minute to rent a tux, which shouldn't be that surp...

If everyone saw the world through my eyes

there'd be widespread fatalities in transportation and medicine not to mention mass panic as everyone started falling over and bumping into stuff

How did crabs get around Atlantis?

Pubic transportation

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