The Kansas Department of Transportation (KDOT) found over 450 dead crows on I-35 this past week, and there was concern that they may have died from the Coronavirus.

A veterinary epidemiologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Coronavirus (COVID-19).

The cause of death was actually from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird'...

Because of my dyslexia, sometimes I get lost when I use public transportation.

Oops sorry. Wrong bus.

As a dyslexic person who frequently fails to board the proper means of public transportation...

Whoops, wrong bus.

Did you hear about the politician who wants our public transportation to run on alternative fuels?

He promises to make the trains run on Thyme.

What’s Harry Potter’s favorite mode of transportation?

Walking






JK.
Rolling.

What do you call an excitable small black insect that used to work for a multi national transportation company?

An exuberant ex-uber ant.

Lord came unto Noah

In the year 2006, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United
States , and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated,
and I see the end of all flesh before me.

Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good
humans."...

I didn't want to believe my father was stealing from the transportation department.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

One day a kid meets a firefighter who was getting out of his shift

The kid tells the firefighter “I want to be a firefighter when I grow up too!”
The firefighter responds with “ oh really kid?”
The kid responds with “yea follow me mister I’ll show you!”
So the kid and the firefighter go to the kids house and the firefighter sees a helmet, vest, wagon, and ...

The new Director of Public Transportation is obsessed with "green" fuels.

He's made all the buses run on thyme.

Motorbikes are ideal transportation for people that don't intend to have children.

They wouldn't even let me bring our newborn home from the hospital.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A VDOT worker walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt.

(VDOT is Virginia Department of Transportation)
He walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt, and sits down with the asphalt on the table. The bartender looks awfully strange and say, "Can I help you sir?" The VDOT worker says "Yes, a beer for me, and one for the road."

Did you hear the department of transportation is laying off thousands of workers?

They invented a shovel that stands up by itself.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Modern Day Cowboy

A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the Texas plains without water.


His horse has already died of thirst.


He's crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last breath, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards a...

Talulah Riley is starting her own space transportation company

It will be called SpaceEX

Three guys die and go to heaven

St. Peter meets them at the pearly gates, and announces "welcome to heaven. it is a vast and holy place. I will assign you a vehicle based on how faithful you were to your spouses"

The first man walks up and is given the keys to a beat up 1989 Honda Civic and St. Peter says to him "you cheate...

United Airlines should get into the rail transportation business...

...because they have the longest karma train that I've ever seen.

A nun and a priest were traveling across the desert and realized halfway across that the camel they were using for transportation was about to die.

They set up a make-shift camp, hoping someone would
come to their rescue, but to no avail. Soon the camel died.

After several days of not being rescued, they agreed that
they were not going to be rescued. They prayed a lot (of course), and
they discussed their predicament in ...

I'm in a band called "Transportation".

We're going places.

Who do Egyptians pray to when the public transportation breaks down?

Anubis

(If you don't get it, say it slower.)

I was working at a transportation company that specializes in construction material

I'm a screwdriver

What happens to a desert-dwellers main transportation when it has been parked in one spot for too long?

It gets Camel-Towed.

Why do people say "language"?

Saying "language" when hearing a bad word is like saying "transportation" when getting hit by a car.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] [Long] Three men are stranded in the middle of the desert. Each one of them is starving, thirsty, and desperate to get home...

As they trudge through the endless desert, one of them spots a small cottage in the distance with scrap metal and junk all around it. He told the others and they all thought it was just a mirage. But as they drew near the cottage, they learned that it was very real.

They all get excited. C...

What kind of transportation does the Pope take?

Mass transit.

A man visits a zoo

A man visits a zoo and asks to speak to the director about the new "Rent-an-Animal" program. The zoo has fallen on hard times financially, so they decided to rent some of their animals outside the usual visitation hours. Usually its the small, cuddly ones, but this man asks for one of the elephants....

3 men go to heaven

(context: this heaven is different, very different, your way of transportation is based on how many times you’ve sinned, ex. larger amount of sins = worse car, low amount of sins = better car)

3 men go to heaven, 1 man walks up to God, God asks the man “How many times have you cheated in you...

A white guy, a black guy, and a Chinese guy go to work at a coal mine.

When they arrive the manager assigns each of them a task. The white guy, Frank, is in charge of digging. The black guy, Jamaal, is in charge of transportation. The Chinese guy, Wong, is in charge of supplies.

They get to work and everything is going smoothly. Frank is digging up the coal at...

Roe vs Wade is in the news again.

Right now, it's the two main forms of Houston transportation

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's three days before prom, and Billy realizes he still hasn't gotten his tux yet...

It's three days before prom, and Billy realizes he still hasn't gotten his tux yet. So, he goes all the way downtown to the tux store and when he opens the door there's a huge long tux line. Apparently everyone in town waited until the last possible minute to rent a tux, which shouldn't be that surp...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Too Drunk to Remember....

A man had a horrible day , he was upset and stressed and thought you know what, I am gonna drink my ass off tonight, I don't even care.
The bar was across the street from his house so he didn't have to worry about transportation or anything and so he went to get drunk and forget his problems. ...

The Pope & The Crossword puzzle

A man is preparing to board a train when he hears that the Pope is also going to be using that mode of transportation because he apparently wanted to try something different.

"This is exciting," the man thinks. "I've always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I'll be able to see him in person...

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