Priest and bus driver have died...

...so, both of them arrive to God.


First one up is bus driver, he's allowed to enter heaven without any spoken words, just like that.
Now, it's time for priest but God says that he has to go to hell - shocked by the answer priest asks why? So God answers him "When you were reading...

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The Little Kid and The Bus Driver

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver.

The little kid starts yelling, " If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull."

The bus driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continued with, "If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elepha...

An old grandma brings a bus driver

An old grandma brings a bus driver a bag of peanuts every day.


First the bus driver enjoyed the peanuts but after a week of eating them he asked: "Please granny, don't bring me peanuts anymore. Have them yourself.".


The granny answers: "You know, I don't have teeth anymore....

Why Did You Become A Bus Driver?

“Why did you become a bus driver?”

“To overcome my biggest fear.”

“Driving?”

“Dying alone.”

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The bus driver, the hippy, and the nun.

A bus driver, a hippy, and a nun are all on the bus as it comes to a stop. As the nun is getting off the hippy says to her “I am going to have sex with you.” The nun replies “like hell you are and leaves.” The buss driver says “do you see that grave site over there?” Hippy replays “yes.” “Well every...

A nice old lady gives a bus driver some nuts…

A nice old lady on a bus offers the bus driver some peanuts, the driver happily eats them.
Every five minutes the old lady hands the driver a handful of nuts, eventually he asks:

“Why don’t you eat them yourself?”
To which the old lady replies

“I don’t have any teeth, look” ...

Dude is late for job interview for a bus driver.

Dude: Sorry, I’m late.

Interviewer: you’re hired.

A bus driver was called into court for killing 24 children and 6 adults

The judge asks the bus driver "why did you kill all those innocent people?"

The bus driver, looking a little sad, says "I didn't mean too, It was by mistake!"

"How did it happen?" Asks the judge.

"Well-" said the bus driver, "I was driving to a bus station but suddenly, on the r...

It must be good to be a male bus driver...

They pick up ladies all day!

My friend told me he’s glad that he’s a bus driver so I said why and he said

“So I won’t have to die alone”.

Atheist Bus Driver

(Turkish Joke, couldn't find it on Reddit, hopefully the translation does justice)

So I met a guy in jail whose nickname was "Atheist". I finally asked him why everyone called him this way; so he started telling his story:

"Well, I was a bus driver in our village. One day while driving...

I decided to quit my job as a bus driver

It was driving me crazy

A new bus driver starts his first day of work...

A new bus driver starts his first day of work...

......he kisses his wife goodbye. He’s nervous about the new job and not sure if it’s for him.

He’s assigned his bus, and as he walks up to it, he notices that it has a big promotional for Sesame Street on the side. “Great,” he thinks, ...

I got fired from my job as a bus driver

Apparently, when you're a bus driver, you have to stop every once in a while.

Irate woman to bus driver as she enters. 'what bus is this' driver 'its number 15 just like it says on the front'. irate woman 'but on the front it says 15, on the side 15a, and on the back 155' . Bus driver

'well I'm not driving backwards or sideways am i?'

Imagine you are a bus driver.

At the first station 17 people entered the bus, at the second station, 8 people entered and 6 people left. At the fourth station 12 people entered and 14 people left. Then at the last station 17 people left the bus.
How old was the bus driver?

My uncle is a bus driver that circles Big Ben in London ...

he works around the clock.

A bus driver was heading down a street. He went right past a stop sign without stopping. Next he turned left where there was a "no-left turn" sign. Finally he went the wrong way down a one-way street. He didn't break any traffic laws. How?

He was walking.

I always get bored and frustrated jacking off three bus drivers at once.

You're going at it for ages then suddenly...

A little boy gets on the public bus and sits right behind the bus driver.

The boy keeps repeatedly saying," If my mom was a cow and my dad was a bull, I'd be a little calf.…"


"If my mom was a hen and my dad was a chicken, I'd be a little chick. If my mom was a deer and my dad was a buck, I'd be a little deer. If my mom was a duck and my dad was a goose, I'd...

And the bus driver's name is Mac.

A man got a new job driving a school bus. When he went to pick up the keys, the man behind the desk slammed them down and said, "Bus #1. Has a Big Bird picture on the side."

The man got in his bus and drove to the first stop. He picked up one boy, who immediately introduced himself. "Hi! My...

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The Bus Driver and the Nun.

A man gets onto a city bus and sees an attractive nun. Wanting to have sex with her, he goes up and asks, "Will you have sex with me?"

"Of course not!" the nun said unnervingly and got off the bus.

Before the depressed man left the bus, the bus driver stops him and says, "I know how yo...

Ronald finally landed a job as a school bus driver.

He was assigned a rural route on a long road called Sesame Street.

At the first stop, there were two very portly girls. “I’m Patty and this is my cousin Patty” one of the two girls announced as they made their way to the back of the bus.

At the next stop there was a tiny boy waiting....

That's the thing with bus driver bukkakes

You wait ages for one to come and then they all come at once

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Bus Driver

So a little boy gets on a bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling "if my mother was a monkey and my father was a monkey id be a baby monkey" The driver is getting annoyed and the little boy yells again "if my mother was an elephant and my father was an elephant id be a baby elephant"...

A priest and a permanently drunken bus driver from the same village come to the pearly gates and request entry to heaven.

St. Peter says to the priest " You wait two years," and to the bus driver, " You go straight in."

The priest protests, " How come? I have been preaching every Sunday for so many years - and he is nothing but a drunken bus driver."

St. Peter replies, "Listen, when you preached, they all...

One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus and drove off along the route:

No problems for the first few stops.
A few people got on, a few got off and things went generally well.

At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on.

Six foot eight, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground.

He glared at the driver and said. "Big John...

What does Karl Marx, a bus driver and a sous chef at a 5-star restaurant have in common?

Everything, if Marx had his way.

What did the bus driver say to the one-legged man?

Hop on.

Bus drivers are the rudest persons on Earth.

They never give up their seats for elderly or disabled people.

What does a stoned guy say to the bus driver after the bus driver says hi to him?

Yup!

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So there is this bus driver...

And every time a pretty girl gets on the bus the driver looks at her and says "tickle your ass with a feather?"

And if the woman responds positively he goes with it. But if she responds negatively he says "particularly nasty weather?"

So there is a homeless man that regularly rides th...

Bus driver and a priest

Died, and went to the gates of heaven

There they were greeted by Jesus, who said that heaven is full, and that only one can come in

So they had to wait for heavenly decision. After some time, Jesus came back and said

"Alright, we can take the bus driver"

The priest protes...

Bus driver

There was once a bus conductor, and he had really bad anger management problems, One day a woman on the bus refused to pay the fare. Well, the bus conductor got so angry he killed her. He was tried and sentenced to death by the electric chair.

The day for his execution came, and they took him...

A bus driver and a priest died and went to heaven

St. Peter greeted them both and led them to their new homes in heaven. They went to the bus driver's home first, and saw a large mansion. When the priest saw this, he was very excited because he was sure that he'd get a grander house, because clearly, he had done me good in his life than the bus dri...

A priest and a bus driver die and approach the pearly gates.

They approach St Peter, who says that the bus driver can get into heaven, but the priest has to go to hell.

'Why do I have to go to hell but the driver can go to heaven?' the priest asks, bewildered. 'I have devoted my whole life to God!'

'Because,' replies St Peter, 'when you read the...

What do bus drivers put on their morning pancakes?

Traffic jam

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For all those who don't get the bus driver comments on every post here

First off, I know this is an old joke. It's like the oldest joke. But on every other joke that's posted on this sub, it gets referenced, and there's always at least one reply who doesn't get it. I've explained the reference to like 4 people today and this seems like a better solution. So here it i...

An Englishman, an Irishman, a Scotsman, a priest, a rabbi, a horse, Dave, an infinite number of mathematicians, and the bus driver all walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"

The joke about the priest and an bus driver

(If i have mistakes in my writing,i am sorry cuz english is NOT my prime language)
Ok so a priest and a bus driver were at the gates of heaven,and they were greeten by jesus himself.BUT here is the plot twist.Jesus only lets the bus driver in heaven but not the priest.
The priest:Excuse me Jes...

The complex mathematics of the bus driver

Imagine yourself being a bus driver.

At stop number 1, you get 10 passengers.

At stop number 2, you get 3 passengers.

At stop number 3, 4 passengers get off, 2 male 1 female.

At stop number 4, 11 passengers got on.

At stop number 5, 6 passengers get off, 2 kids, 4...

An old lady got on a bus, and sat down behind the bus driver. After a couple minutes...

she asked him, "Hey, mister! Want some peanuts?", and held up a bag full. "Sure!", he said, and popped a handful in his mouth. After eating several more, he asked, "Hey...don't you want to have some of these?" "Nope," the old lady replied, "Ain't got no teeth! I just likes the chocolate on the outsi...

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Nun and Bus Driver.

Once there was this really scummy bloke traveling on a bus, when a nun got on and sat right in front of him. She was quite good looking, so he leaned over to her and said, "I really want to fuck you in the arse!" She went bright red, and got off at the next stop.

When the bloke was getting of...

The bus driver shouts to the conductor

Two women are in a bus fighting bitterly over the last available seat.

The conductor had already tried unsuccessfully to intervene when the bus driver shouted to the conductor, "Let the ugly one take the seat"

Both women stood for the rest of the journey

Why did the hippie not see the bus driver coming?

He came behind his back.

Dave, Einstein, and the bus driver get together to write OC for this sub and they send me the material to proof. My response is always the same though.

Already Reddit.

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The Bus Driver

A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun.
"Well," says the bus dri...

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says:..........

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold ...

Woman bus drivers

When I see a woman driving a bus I smile and think about how far we as a society have come in equality.

And then I wait for the next bus...

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The Drunk & the Bus Driver

This is a repost of one I've told for decades:

A bus driver was just starting along his route. It was still dark and raining and the temperature hovered just above freezing.

As he approached the first stop on his route he could see some poor soul laying on the bench. He stopped the bus...

A nun and a bus driver go to heaven.

They are greeted by Peter who checks their records and takes them to their new homes. First Peter takes the bus driver to a great big palace. Next Peter takes the nun to a wooden shack. The nun, confounded about the difference, confronts Peter:

Nun: "I am a woman of faith. How come I only got...

A city bus driver is doing his route.

After picking up some passengers, an argument about race broke out. Most of the passengers on the bus are getting involved and after twenty minutes of bickering the driver, tired of the argument, slams on the brakes and stops in the middle of the street. Everyone shuts up. He stands up and shouts a...

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.

She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.

She repeats this gesture about five more times.
When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little...

I ran behind the bus and finally able to catch it. I approached the bus driver and said

"Is this bus your mom?"
He: No

"your wife"
He: No

"Sister"
He: No

"Then why the hell you won't allowing me to ride?

I used to be a bus driver

But I got sick of people talking behind my back.

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The Bus Driver and The Legend Dave......and also his wife

On Dave's Birthday his wife decided to take him to a Strip Club.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

"Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a ...

The Priest and the Bus Driver

A priest and a bus driver die and go to heaven. The priest gets thanked for his service to God and gets a small house. The bus driver sees that for all these years of praying to God the priest only got a small house and wonders what he's going to get since he never prayed a lot. To his surprise, he ...

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A kid gets onto his school bus and starts annoying the bus driver...

The little kid sits down in the front seat and starts saying
kid:"If my parents were tigers, id be a little tiger!'
kid: "If my parents were giraffes, id be a little giraffe!"

Bus Driver: "shut up, shut up"

Kid: "If my parents were dogs id be a little dog!"

finally the dri...

What do you call rude bus drivers?

Bustards

An old lady and a bus driver

A nice old lady on a bus offers the driver some almonds. He is happy to have the nuts but he noticed that the old lady isn’t having any herself.

The driver asks, “Excuse me madam, why aren’t you eating any of he almonds?”

The old lady says, “Young man, they are too hard on my poor teet...

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As told to me by an indian bus driver overseas...

Why don't rabbits make noise when they fuck?

Because they have cotton balls.


Apologies if it's a repost.

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My Disneyland Bus Driver told us this one

Mickey and Minnie Mouse were getting a divorce. When Mickey's lawyer was called up, he said "your Honor, Mickey is getting a divorce because he said Minnie is crazy." Mickey interrupts and says "Im not divorcing her because she's crazy, I'm divorcing her because she's fucking Goofy!"

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The nun and the bus driver

So one day a man gets on a bus and runs into the most beautiful nun he’s ever met. He asked the nun to come back to his house, the nun replies with no and gets off the bus. The man goes up to the bus driver and asks him “how can I get with the nun?” The bus driver replies, “every day at 8pm the nun ...

A bus driver is on court for murdering 31 people

A bus driver is on court and being judged for running over 31 people with a bus. The judge asks the driver to explain what has happened from his vision and the following is his response.


Driver: I was driving the bus casually as I do every shift. I was going on the same route when I start...

Did you know that bus drivers are good for more than driving the bus.

Thanks to them the pregnancy rate in nuns has dropped drastically

What’s the difference between Pastor Maldonado and a bus driver?

One is a highly skilled professional driver, and the other is in Formula 1.

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Dave starts a new job as Bus Driver

Dave was starting a new job as a bus driver. He arrived at the bus depot and they told him he would be driving a bus with a "Sesame Street" advertisement on the side. He found this kind of amusing, and started his shift.

At the first stop, he picked up his first passenger. It was a fat woman....

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A hippie, a nun, and a bus driver

A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I...

The old lady and the bus driver

There was an old lady that rode the same bus everyday. One day she gets on the bus and says to the driver,

"Hello dear, would you like some of my peanuts?"

The driver, not wanting to be rude, happily accepts, so she gives him a handful of peanuts.
The next day the old lady gets on ...

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Never trust a bus driver

A nun gets on a bus and sits next to a hippie. The hippie asks her if she wants to have sex. Shocked the nun says no and leaves the bus. The bus driver says that she visits the local graveyard every Tuesdays and Thursdays at night. He also says that he should dress up like a ghost to persuade the nu...

TIFU by being a dyslexic bus driver

Whoops, wrong bus

A bus driver sees old lady coming to talk to him...

and she has a handful of raisins.

-Would you mind to eat these raisins? I don´t like the taste of them,

The bus driver is confused but hungry and gladly accepts the offer. He starts again driving and after riding for 3 miles, the bus driver sees that the same old lady is there with a h...

What do you call a bus driver who helps old people and parents with children on and off the bus?

A stand up driver.

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Hippy and the bus driver

So a hippy gets on a bus and sees a beautiful nun sitting there. He tries to talk to her but she refuses saying she has devoted her life to god only.

The nun gets off at the next stop and the hippy decides he wants to have sex with her. The bus driver, seeing the hippy perving on the nun, wa...

A priest and a bus driver are standing in Purgatory...

There is an angel guarding two doors: one for Hell, the other for Heaven. Both of them approach the celestial being and it says, looking at a really long list:

"Alright, Mr... Stanford, the bus driver? You are going to Heaven, congratulations!"

The bus driver happily opens the correspo...

An old lady always travels the same route on a bus. Over time, she became friendly with the driver and she’d always bring him a nice little bag of peanuts.

The bus driver was enjoying the nuts at first, but after a few days he said to the lady, “Come on, Mrs. Bilker, it’s really nice of you and I’m loving the peanuts, but please stop bringing me so much. Have some for yourself.”

“Ah, no bother young man,” laughs the old lady, “I don’t have my te...

3rd times someone's charm

In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop, a stunningly beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight black leather mini skirt with matching leather boots and jacket. As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on the bus, she became aware that her skirt was too t...

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A porn star got hit by a bus.

The bus driver must have never seen her coming.

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A hippie enters a bus

(long)
A hippie enters a bus and sees a beautiful nun sitting. He sits next to her and says
- I would like to have sex with you
She shouts at him that she is a servant of God and she could not do that and runs out from the bus.
The bus driver who hear the conversation says to the hippie<...

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a man gets on a public bus...

A man gets on a public bus, and sees a very attractive nun. He goes over to sit by the nun, and starts talking her up, trying to get her to come home with him. She refuses his advances, and eventually gets off the bus. The guy, however, couldn't get her out of his head, so he went up and asked the b...

I gave up my seat to a blind guy on the bus.

I no longer have my bus driver's job.

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A strong japanese man named Akihiro

Had Moved to New York City. He took a bus to his work every day from monday to friday. When the bus driver asked Akihiro to buy a ticket, Akihiro said "Akihiro no pay ticket". And the driver was too scared to argue, and let Akihiro go to his spot. The bus driver started building muscles so he could ...

My Tinder bio says that I have a corner office with views of the entire city, drive a $500,000 vehicle, and that I'm paid to travel.

My dates never seem too happy when I tell them I'm a bus driver.

My ex girlfriend got run over by a bus today

Today has just been horrible. I even lost my job as a bus driver.

A bus breaks down and the driver pops the hood to investigate

A blonde passenger who is a certified mechanic comes out with her toolbox, eager to help and show off her training and also give blondes a good reputation for a change. She leans behind the bus driver and sees a loose bolt, so, helpful, she asks: "Fancy a screw driver?"

Politicians go on a vacation

Politicians go on a vacation by bus.
The bus driver gets distracted by the beautiful scenery and drives off a cliff next to a farm.

The following day the police question the farmer:

\- Did you not find any victims?
\- Actually, I did.
\- And where are they?
\- Well,...

Two blondes wait at a bus stop

Two blondes wait at a bus stop.

A bus pulls up and opens the door.

One of the blondes leans inside and asks the driver, "Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?"

The bus driver shakes his head and says, "No, I'm sorry."

The other blonde leans inside and asks, "How about ME?"

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A nun is sitting on the bus when a hippie comes in and sits next to her...

After a while the hippie asks the nun "hey you, wanna fuck?" But the nun replies "no, God forbids it!" And she get's out on the next stop.
A few minutes later the hippie want's to get out too and right as he want's to leave the bus, the bus driver yells "hey you, hippie, come over here.
I hea...

A pastor dies and get into heaven



He arrives at the pearly gates. Saint Peter is sitting high atop a chair at a podium greets him. "John H Smith, welcome to Heaven. We have seen your life's work. Here is a key to your mansion with 10 rooms, silver gilded windows & golden walls. 20 angels to help you with your daily lifes...

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A guy is on the bus and sees a beautiful nun.

Wanting to bang her, he walks up to her and says “wanna bang?“ To which the nun replies “hell no“ and proceeded to get off the bus. Distraught, the man ask the bus driver what to do. The bus driver replied, “well every night she goes to the cemetery and prays, So if you go dressed as God and tell he...

Got my dream job today. I get my own 200 thousand dollar company car and a corner window with a view of the city..

Being a city bus driver is a dream come true.

A Priest dies & is waiting in line at Heaven's Gate.



Ahead of him is a guy, fashionably dressed, in dark sun glasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket & jeans.

God to the guy : '' Who Are You....???? ''



Guy : '' I am a Bus driver''



God : Take this Gold robe & enter kingdom of heaven.



God ...

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I love the look on the poor sods faces when I drive by them and they're pissed wet through and freezing cold at the bus stop

Partly why I took the job as a bus driver tbh

(This is a popular joke where I'm from). A boy boards a bus with a sandwich in his hand.

The bus driver says: " hey, this ain't a restaurant, kid!"

The boy replies: "I know. That's why I brought my own food."

I asked the bus driver

I asked my bus driver if she would let me and my brother, Jack, off at the next stop.

A Priest dies and goes to heaven. As he's approaching the gates, he hears a band of singing and dancing angels approach, and he begins to get excited.

The lead angel approaches the Priest and asks if he would mind stepping aside for a moment.

Surprised, the Priest does as he's asked.

The angels march out of the gates and encircle a man who has also approached the gates. The man is in a bus driver uniform.

The joyous parade of ...

The bus crash that landed me in hospital was caused by a guy standing up to offer a lady his seat.

He'll never work as a bus driver again.

A senior citizen is pulled over by a state trooper for speeding.

The trooper says, “If you can give me a reason for speeding that I’ve never heard before, I’ll let you go.” The old gentleman replies, “Years ago, my wife ran off with a State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.” The trooper frowns. “That’s a repost, sir. You’re under arrest. I’m afraid I...

A weird, infuriating thing that happened to a friend of mine.

So a friend of mine was on the downtown bus the other day and, nice guy that he is, he gave up his seat for an elderly woman that got on after him. I guess she was really old too. She had a cane and everything. But then suddenly everybody else on the bus got mad at him for it. They started yelling a...

Miniskirt

In the queue at the bus stop is a young pretty lady.
She is dressed in a very tight leather miniskirt and matching leather boots and leather jacket.
The bus comes and it is her turn. When she tries to get on the bus she notices that because of the tight miniskirt she can't get her leg high eno...

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