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Speeding Jokes

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A cop pulls over an old lady for speeding on a highway. He asks for her driver’s license and registration.

When she opens her wallet, he notices a conceal-carry permit.

He asks, “Ma’am, do you have a weapon in your possession at this time?”

She responds that she has a .38 Special in her purse. And a .45 in her glove box. And a 9mm Glock in the center console. And a shotgun in the trunk.
...

Blonde gets caught speeding.

The cop is also a blonde.

Cop: “Let me see your driver’s license.”

Driver: “What’s that?”

Cop: “A square thing with your picture on it.”

Blonde fumbles through her purse, finds a mirror, sees herself in it, and hands it to the cop.

Cop looks at it, hands i...

NSFW Cop pulls over a blonde for speeding

When he gets up to the window he asks for her licence and registration.

“What’s a licence” she asks

So the cop explains what a licence is.

The blonde quickly says “Oh I have one of those” and hands it over to the cop.

“I also need to registration” reminds the cop

“...

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How to get out of a speeding ticket...

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.

Officer...

A cop stopped a guy for speeding...

He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

"I was trying to keep up with traffic," he replied.

He said, "There is no traffic."

And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."

A police officer is sitting in his cruiser watching for speeding cars.

He sees a car puttering along at 10 km/hr and thinks "this car is almost as dangerous as a speeder" and pulls them over.

As he walks up to the car and little of lady driving rolls down the window and asks "is there something wrong officer?"

"Well, yes" says the cop "why are you driving...

A POLICEMAN pulls over a speeding car and takes out his little book.

The driver lowers her window.

Policeman: “Name, please?”

Woman: “Freda.”

Policeman: “Surname?”

Woman: “Gonow.”

Policeman: “So you are Freda Gonow.”

Woman: “Thanks very much”, and she takes off!

A police officer pulls over a speeding car.

The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir." The driver replies, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating." Not looking up from her knitting, the driver's wife says, "Now don't be silly, dear. You know that this car doesn't have cruise...

A blonde was speeding when a local police officer pulled her over and walked up to the car

The officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for the blonde's driver's license.

The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?"

Irritated, the blonde cop said, "You dummy, it's got ...

A young woman was pulled over for speeding.

An Oregon state trooper walked over to her car window while flipping open his ticket book.

The young woman said, "I bet you're going to sell me a ticket to the State Troopers Ball."

He replied, "Oregon StateTroopers don't have balls."

There was a moment of silence.

And t...

I got caught speeding

The officer pulled me over and told me I can't drive 70mph in a 30mph zone.

Three days later I got a letter through the door saying "Speeding Fine"

Now I don't know who to believe.

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A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange

:Officer: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: I don't have one. It was revoked when I got my 5th DWI.

Officer: May I see the registration for this vehicle?

Driver: It's not my car. I stole it. Officer: The car is stolen?

Driver: That's right. But come to think of...

A policeman pulls a farmer over for speeding and proceeds to write him a ticket...

The farmer notices some flies buzzing around annoying the officer. The policeman is shooing flies more than he's writing.

The farmer says "I see you're being bothered by those circle flies."

The policeman says, "If that's what you call them, yes, they are somewhat annoying."

The...

so a guy is speeding down a freeway, miles above the speed limit, and a cop pulls him over.

he comes up to the man and asks, "why were you speeding today sir?" the man replies, "i'm a juggler in a circus, and i'm late for my next show. i apologize. i assume you'll be needing my license and registration."

the cop looks intrigued, and says "whoa, hold on a sec. my daughter loves juggl...

I got pulled over for speeding in my Prius

The cop didn't give me a ticket. He just wanted to know how I did it.

A senior citizen is pulled over by a state trooper for speeding.

The trooper says, “If you can give me a reason for speeding that I’ve never heard before, I’ll let you go.” The old gentleman replies, “Years ago, my wife ran off with a State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.” The trooper frowns. “That’s a repost, sir. You’re under arrest. I’m afraid I...

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John gets pulled over for speeding

John: Howdy officer, is there a problem?

Officer: You were speeding, sir. License and registration

John: Dude, I got no license

Officer: You're driving without a license?

John: hell yeah!

Officer: And registration?

John: I jacked this car!

Officer: Ar...

A guy is pulled over for speeding...

COP: Do you know how fast you were going?

DRIVER: Well, let's see. My speedometer is 20 miles per hour off, so 55?

COP: You were doing 75.

DRIVER: It's fixed!

A cop pulls over an old lady for speeding on a highway. He asks for her driver's license and registration.

When she opens her wallet, he notices a conceal-carry permit.

He asks, “Ma’am, do you have a weapon in your possession at this time?”

She responds "I'll bet you $100 you can't guess the answer to that question" as she slaps a crisp bill on her dashboard.

The cop rubs his chin an...

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A cop pulled over a bloke for speeding....

He goes up to the bloke and says

>And where do you think you're going at that speed this early in the morning.

The driver replies

>I'm going to work

To which the officer replies

>And what job requires you to get there this quick?

The driver thinking...

A speeding blonde.

One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Blue eyes, blonde, the works. "I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'...

I definitely learned my lesson about speeding today and it will never happen again.

I didn't get pulled over or anything, I just showed up to work 20 minutes early.

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A blonde is pulled over for speeding.

Turns out the officer is also a blonde woman.

"Let's see your license"

"What's that?'

"The thing in your purse with your face on it"

The Blonde pulls out her compact mirror, looks at it, and hands it to the blonde policewoman.

The policewoman looks at it and says,<...

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A police officer pulls over an elderly female for speeding while driving her husband to a doctors appointment.

The officer approaches the vehicle and attempts to explain that he stopped her for speeding.
She looks at her husband and asks, "What did he say?"
The husband replies, "He said he stopped you for speeding."
The officer asked the elderly female for her driver's license and she turned and ask...

Driver : "What am I supposed to do with this speeding ticket?"

Officer : "Keep it, when you collect four of them, you get a bicycle."

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So I almost talked my way out of a speeding ticket by telling the women officer she looked stunning..

Then I fucked up by telling her "and that's not even the drinks talking".

An old lady was stopped for speeding

Police officer: I'm sorry, but I think you were driving a bit too fast?

Old lady: What?! No, that can't be true!

Police officer: Can I see your drivers license?

Old lady: No, I don't have it anymore. I lost it 4 years ago when driving while drunk!

Police officer: Well.. C...

A man is pulled over by police for speeding

Police 1: do you know how fast you are going?

Man: no, but I do know I am escaping a bank heist.

Police 1: Really?

Man: yes, I robbed the bank and the loot is in my car's trunk

Police 1: is that everything?

Man: no sir, I have a dead body in my backseat and a gun i...

My wife is speeding and lying about it to me...

I can't find any tickets as proof but her friends tell me almost every day that she is getting nailed by 2 cops.

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Two men were riding through Mississippi when they're pulled over for speeding..

The officer approaches the driver's side, opens the door, pulls the driver out, and begins beating him senseless. When he's done he tells the driver, "We don't drive like assholes in Mississippi." Shoves him back in the car, walks around to the passenger side, repeating the process. The passenger pl...

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A cop pulls someone over for speeding...

He asks the driver: "Why were you driving this fast?"

"I'm late for work!", he responds

"What are you working as?"

"I'm an asshole-widener."

The cop is confused: "What's that supposed to be?"

"Well," he calmly explains, "I take an asshole and try to put my finger i...

22 mph speed limit

Sitting on the side of the road waiting to catch speeding drivers, a state trooper sees a car puttering along at 22 mph. He thinks to himself, "This driver is as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five e...

The Pope speeding.

The Pope was visiting the U.S. and had spent a busy day in D.C. addressing the U.S. Congress and meeting with top political and religious figures. Afterwards, his chauffeur took him for an evening tour of some of the city’s beautiful monuments. At the end of the evening the chauffeur asked the Pope ...

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A guy gets pulled over for speeding and the officer says,

"What's your name son"?

He replied. "D-d-d-dav-dav-David sir".

The officer looks at him suspiciously and says, "Oh, do you have a stutter"?

The guy replied, "No, my dad has a stutter, and the guy who filled out my birth certificate is an asshole".

Speeding Pope

A guy gets a job as a high profile chauffeur and his first assignment is to pick up the Pope from the airport.
"You know," begins the Pope, "they never let me drive myself back at the Vatican. What do you say I drive a few blocks then you can take over?"
After arguing for a while, the chauffeu...

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Speeding?

A pensioner drove his brand new Mercedes Benz to 100 mph.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he sees a cop behind him, signaling to pull over.

He floored it to 140 , then 150, then 155, and 160…Suddenly he thought, "Shit man, I'm too old for this nonsense !"

So he pulled over to t...

How do you go over the speed limit without speeding?

You hit the sign

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A blonde woman is speeding down an empty road when she’s pulled over by a blonde cop. The cop walks up to her window and asks for her driver’s license.

“Driver’s license?” the blonde driver asks, somewhat confused.

“You know, the little rectangle with your face on it that you keep in your purse,” the blonde cop explains patiently.

“Oh, that!” the blonde driver exclaims. She digs around in her purse and finally pulls out a small rectan...

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A man and his wife are driving down the road when a cop pulls them over.

The cop says to the man:

\- Do you know that you were speeding, sir?
\- No officer, I didn't know I was speeding...

The wife then says:

\- Come on, Henry, you knew you were speeding, I've been telling you to slow down for miles.

The man shoots a dark look at his wife...

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A police officer pulls over a speeding car

A man gets pulled over for speeding. The officer walks up to the window.

“You were going 20 over the limit. License and registration please.”

The man in the car hands over his documents and says “just so you know, I have a dead body in the trunk.”

The officer immediately has the...

I just got a photo from a speeding camera through the mail

I sent it right back, way too expensive and really bad quality

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut

The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?".

"Just water," says the priest.

The trooper says, "then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks over at the bottle and says,...

"Speeding"

Tom is cruising down the highway way over the speed limit. Cop pulls him over.
"Sorry officer, guess the speedometer got away from me. Happens every time I get hammered and try to drive home."
"What?! You're intoxicated?"
"Well I needed a stiff drink after I shot that guy! It's okay though,...

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A cop pulls a man over for speeding...

"What seems to be the problem officer?"

"You were speeding, license and registration please."

"I'm sorry, I cant do that."

"And why is that?"

"My drivers license was taken from me while driving drunk."

"Well, give me your cars registration then."

"I cant do ...

Speeding Car

A cop is doing is regular routine, driving on the highway when he spots a car going 95 miles per hours.

He finally catches up with the vehicle and pulls it over, and both vehicles come to a complete stop at the side of the highway. As the cop walks towards the vehicle, on the back seat, he sp...

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A woman is speeding

A woman is speeding because she is late for work. Passing a bridge she sees a cop laying in wait. Sure enough he pulls her over and proceeds to write a ticket.

After asking about a warning ticket and getting turned down she lets the officer know it is important that she not be late for work t...

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A Cop Pulls a Little Old Lady Over for Speeding

Cop pulls over a little old lady and asks for her licence and registration. When she pulls out her wallet, he sees a handgun in her purse.

"Ma'am, is that a gun in your purse?"

"Yes, Officer, it's a .38 Smith & Wesson revolver."

"Please place that purse on the passenge...

Speeding

**Late one night a man is driving down the road, speeding quite a bit. A cop notices how fast he is going and pulls him over. The cop says to the man, "Are you aware of how fast you were going?"**


**The man replies, "Yes I am. I'm trying to escape a robbery I got involved in."**
...

Speeding

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I got busted for speeding tonight. The cop pulled me over and asked me if I knew what speed I was doing," the guy says to the bartender." I said, "yes, that stuff I bought from Bob."

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A Cop pulled a car over for speeding.

When the Cop asked the driver why he was traveling 95mph, the driver answered that he was a juggler on his way to do a show for a birthday party and didn't want to be late.
The Cop told the driver he was fascinated by juggling, and if the driver would do a little juggling for him that he wouldn't...

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A juggler gets pulled over for speeding...

The cop approaches and asks “what’s your hurry?”

“Well”, explains the juggler, “I’m running late for a juggling performance”

The officer looks into the empty car, “I don’t see any juggling equipment... how do I know if I can believe you?”

The juggler perks up “well all my stuff...

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A woman is speeding down the highway

while driving her convertible sports car. She flies past a billboard, behind which is parked a highway patrol officer. Startled by her outrageous velocity, the cop flicks on his lights and siren and pulls out from his hiding spot, tearing up asphalt to close the gap.

She notices his approach...

Speeding Ticket

A man was traveling down the highway doing well above the legal speed limit. He looked up and saw a state trooper behind him with his lights and siren going wanting him to pull over. The man stepped on the gas pedal even more and was flying down the highway. After awhile he did pull over. The troope...

Me: Can I not pay the speeding ticket? I’m running a marathon later.

Cop: Sir, that’s not how you play the race card.

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Superman is out flying and sees wonder woman naked on a rooftop with her legs wide open and moaning in delight

He thinks to himself that as he is faster than a speeding bullet he can do his business with her and fly off before she knows it. He toys with the idea and decides to go for it. He swoops down fucks her with lightning thrusts and zooms off in a flash. The whole event lasts less than a second. As soo...

An Oklahoma State Trooper pulls over a circus clown for speeding

The trooper asks the clown "Why were you driving so fast?" The clown says "I'm headed to Tulsa for a circus show and I don't want to be late." The trooper asks the clown "What do you do in the show?" "I'm a juggler" says the clown.

"Alright" says the trooper, "If you juggle for me here, I won...

A man is stopped for speeding on the highway

The driver, who is confronted by the cop to get a ticket, suddenly confesses that he has heroin with him in the vehicle. The cop, visibly shocked, calls for backup, explaining to them that the man who he caught speeding admitted that he had drugs on him.

A narcotics team arrives and searches ...

Called my wife on her cell to warn her about this crazy driver on the news who’s speeding down the highway in the wrong direction.

She replied: “I know! There’s like hundreds of them!”

I heard a joke about a speeding bus the other day.

I didn't get it at first. Then it hit me.

A man gets pulled over for speeding.

The cop starts lecturing him on road safety and being a responsible driver, to which the man replies, “Officer, I’m incredibly mindful of safe driving and responsibility. That’s why I need to get home fast before all the drinks kick in!”

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It's the time of the French Revolution and they're doing their usual daily beheadings..

Today they're leading a priest, a prostitute and an engineer up to the guillotine.

They ask the priest if he wants to be face up or face down when he meets his fate. The priest says that he would like to be face up so he will be looking toward heaven when he dies. They raise the blade of the ...

A guy gets pulled over for speeding

The cop comes up to his car, the guy rolls his window down

The cop says “can I see your license and registration?”

The guy responds, “well the thing is officer, my registration is in my glove box. But also in my glove box is a loaded pistol that I just used to kill a woman who’s body i...

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A man gets pulled over by the police...

The officer asks, "Do you know why I pulled you over?"

"No I don't officer," he replies

"You were speeding. That's going to be big ticket in this area."

"Well, you caught me, and while I'm at it, I might as well be honest with you. I have a dead body in the trunk along with some...

A policeman pulls over a speeding Ferrari.

He looks through the window and to his annoyance sees a rebellious looking teenager.
The policeman decides he's going to teach this spoiled kid a lesson.
He takes a piece of chalk and draws a circle on the floor.

"Get out of the car and stand in the circle. If I see you step out, I'll...

Christmas Eve, cop pulls over a man for speeding

Cop says "Listen, It's Christmas, I wanna end my shift and go home, and not have to do paper work. If you can give me an excuse I've never heard before, I'll let you off".

Speeder thinks a minute, then replies "My wife left me for a cop, and I was afraid he was you and you were bringing her...

Man speeding a BMW..

A man in his 40's bought a new BMW and was out on the Interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair, and he decided to open her up.

As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.
...

An elderly lady & her husband get pulled over by the cops for speeding near Lexington, Kentucky

Officer: “ma’am do you know why I pulled you over?”

Lady to her husband: “WHAT’D HE SAY??”

Man: “HE ASKED IF YOU KNOW WHY HE PULLED YOU OVER!!”

Lady to the cop: “OH. No!”

Officer: “well ma’am you were going well over the speed limit.”

Lady to her husband: “WHAT’D ...

Vinny gets pulled over for speeding on the Jersey Turnpike...

And the cop asks him for his license and registration. Now Vinny wants to get rid of the cop as fast as possible being that he's got a dead "canary" in the trunk. As he passes his wallet, he drops a $50 bill on the ground.

"I'm sorry officer was that your fifty or mine?"

The cop hands ...

The Pope is on a visit to the US, riding in the back of a limo

The Pope is on a visit to the US, riding in the back of a limo. The driver asks him if he needs anything.

"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today."

"I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job...

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A black guy, a white guy, and an asian guy are speeding

They get pulled over by a cop, who decides to humor them. They won't get a ticket if their penis sizes add up to 20 inches. The black guy's dick is 10 inches, the white guy's is 9 inches, and the asian guy's is 1 inch. As they drive away, the black guy says "you're lucky my dick was 10 inches", the ...

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Why do sex offenders never get speeding tickets?

Because they always drive slower in school zones

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A man was stopped for speeding

A man was driving along an overpass and was caught in a speed trap by a police officer with a radar gun. He admitted he was speeding, apologized, and told the officer that the reason he was speeding was that he did not want to be late for work. The officer wrote the ticket, explained the details of ...

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A Traffic Cop pulls over a speeding vehicle:

A Traffic Cop pulls over a speeding vehicle:
“Name please.”
“Erm, it’s Johnny Wankenbrake.”
“Wanking-Break?”
“Yeah.”
“Ok, Address?”
“Well, my address is my work: Filthy Fingers Films on the Industrial Estate.”
“Right, look buddy, I’m not putting that in a report, take it easy - ...

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a guy gets pulled over at the end of a bridge for speeding

The police officer walks up to his car and says "Do you know how fast you were going?"

The driver, rudely says "No officer - but I'm sure you're aware, so why don't you enlighten both of us?"

The police officer, recognizing the driver's attitude, attempts to take him down a notch. "Wh...

A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding...

.....but the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. The man eventually realizes he can't escape and finally pulls over. The cop approaches the car and says, "It's been a long day and my shift is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behaviour, I'll let you ...

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Lil Johnny speeding past a bridge.

(This was a take away joke)

Officer: Do you know you were doing 80 in a 65?
Johnny: No, I apologize, I was just rushing to work.
Officer: What makes your job so important that you need to put peoples lives at risk, speeding along the roadway?
Johnny: I'm a rectum stretcher.
Office...

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A Blonde gets stopped for Speeding

The Blonde Female Officer Asks for her ID
So the Blonde searches for her purse and pulls out a small mirror thinking the reflection is her ID and hands it to the officer
The officer sees the Reflection and Apologizes not realizing the Lady was a Cop & lets her go

(Sorry, was Typing...

I had a speeding ticket dismissed by a judge who knew his physics

The cop wrote down my location, so I told the judge if he knew where I was, he couldn’t possibly measure my velocity.

A man and his wife are speeding down the highway when they get stopped by a police officer

"Do you know why I pulled you over?" The officer asks
"Not really" the man answers
"Don't worry, sir, you're not in trouble, I actually pulled you over because I find the way you drive your car really impressive, you're a skilled driver, I bet you aced your driving exam and really earned that ...

Speeding doesn't kill anyone

Stopping suddenly does.

Speeding

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.

"But, officer," the man began, "I can explain"

"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."

"But, officer, I just wanted to s...

A Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley for speeding, and asks the biker his name.

'Fred,' he replies. 'Fred what?' the officer asks.
'Just Fred,' the man responds. The officer is in a good mood, thinks he might just give the biker a break, and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.

The man tells him that he used to h...

A man gets pulled over for speeding

The police officer walks up to the car and asks the man why he got pulled over.

"Yeah, I was speeding, I always drive a bit faster after I've had a few beers"

The cop was stunned, "you mean to tell me that you were under the influence of alcohol?"

"Yeah I needed something to eas...

Reasons for speeding

Harry and Lloyd were speeding down the road. a police car pulled them over.

"Why on earth were you driving so fast?" the policeman yelled.

"Our brakes are no good, so we wanted to get there before we had an accident!

A Cop pulls over a man for speeding and asks him,

“I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are bloodshot, have you been drinking”

The man gets annoyed and says, “Well Officer, I notice your eyes are glazed over, have you been eating donuts?”

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A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding...

...and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable. Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his h...

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Caught speeding

Cop pulls over a man for speeding, says "I clocked you doing 60 in a 25. Wanna tell me why you were speeding?"

Guy says, "Yeah, I was trying to get home real quick so I could shoot up this heroin from my glove compartment. But before that I gotta get rid of the gun in the back seat, and the d...

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A little old lady gets pulled over for speeding...

The officer walks up to the car and after a quick greeting takes the documentation she has ready for him.
He notices a license to conceal carry a pistol and he asks, “Ma’am do you have a firearm in the vehicle?”
She replies, “Well yes sir, I do.” The officer smiles a little as this lady was no...

How to one lady got out of a speeding ticket.

The Policeman recently stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. He asked the driver her name.

She said, "I'm Mrs. Ladislav Abdulkhashim Zybkcicraznovskaya from the Republic of Uzbekistan visiting my daughter in Tallahassee."

The cop put away his summons book and pen, and...

A traffic cop pulls over a guy for speeding.

As he approaches the car dorr he asks the driver for his license and the cars papers. The driver awnsers: i dont got a license and the car is stolen.
The cop was baffled and uttered: are you serious?! The driver awnsers: i'm always serious after a few lines of blow up my nose dude...
The cop:...

Got a speeding ticket the other day. There was this sign that said "Construction 35mph ahead".

I figured, I had four people in the car ...

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A blonde girl gets pulled over by a blonde police officer for speeding...

The Police officer asks for a drivers license & the blonde starts going through her bag looking for it.

She's getting increasingly frustrated as she looks for the drivers license & asks the police officer for assistance.

The blonde asks: "I'm having trouble finding it... Can y...

A priest is pulled over for speeding...

Smelling alcohol on the priest breath and noticing a wine bottle in the passenger seat of the car, the highway patrolman asks, "father, have you been drinking?"

"just water," the priest replies.

"Then why do I smell wine on your breath?" quipped​ the patrolman.

The priest lo...

A police officer stops a old women on the interstate for speeding....

....He pulls her over and asks her if she has and weapons in her vehicle. She reply’s
“
yes I have a 22 in my glove box.”

He says ok anything else? she says,

“yes I have a shotgun in my trunk. “

He reply’s, is that all. She says

“no I have a handgun in my purse.”...

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A man is late for dinner and speeding home.

He is pulled over by a cop that had been hiding on the far side of an underpass. While questioning the motorist he asks what the man does for a living.
“Well sir, I’m a rectum stretcher”
Confused the cop asks “what’s exactly does that mean?”
The man explains “well first you start with one ...

Speeding ticket

A man gets pulled over by a policeman.
Policeman: You were going 68 in a 50 zone, I will have to write you a ticket.
Man: Alright, just make the number a little cooler so we can laugh when the judge reads it.

[later in court]
Judge: How the flying Fri...

A truck driver was speeding down a country road and ran over a rooster. Being an honest man, he walked to the farm house and knocked on the door. An old man answered the door. “Sir, he said, I would like to replace your rooster”.

“Suite yourself” he said. “The chickens are out back”

A man was pulled over on the side of the road for speeding.

The officer said, "Sir do you know why I pulled you over"

"No idea sir" the man replied.

"Well I've got you clocked here doing 78 mph, I'll need to see your license and registration"

Handing over his papers the man replies "Officer I had no idea I saw a sign that said 78 I thoug...

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A man gets pulled over for speeding

The cop says: "You were going 55 mph in a 30 zone"

The man says: "Sorry sir, but i'm late for work."

Cop asks: "What kind of work do you do?"

Man replies: "I work in a penis enlargment factory."

Cop asks: "Really? How does that work?"

Man: You just stretch out a c...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Woman speeding

There was a woman speeding down the highway, and a police officer pulled her over. He asked her if she knew why he pulled her over. She shrugged. "Can I see your license and registration?" The police officer asked. "NO, i stole this car." The woman replied. The police officer looked shocked. "I also...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Speeding Blonde Driver

There's a blonde driving down the highway and going about 20 over the speed limit. She soon passes by a police car parked along the highway. The police officer, of course, takes off and pull the blonde over.

The police officer is also blonde...

The police officer walks up to the blonde...

German physicist Werner Heisenberg is pulled over for speeding.

The cop asked, do you know how fast you were going? Heisenberg responds, no but I know exactly where I am.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 men are speeding down a road

Their names are shut up, manners and crap. They are being chased by the police for speeding. Crap gets scared and jumps out of the car and into the woods next to the road. Manners says "Where's crap" and jumps out of the car and into the woods to look for him. The police officer catches up to the ca...

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