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This asshole thought that just because some fancy, expensive vehicle, he could go as fast as he wanted and weave inbetween cars. So I got in front of him and slowed down to 10kmph below the speed limit lmao

Fuckin ambulances I swear

What's a cowboy's favorite vehicle?

Audi, partner.

An old man driving along sees a police vehicle behind him.

He puts the foot down and takes off! Sure enough, the police vehicle lights are activated and the police give chase.

After a while the man thinks “I’m too old for this, what am I doing?” And sensibly pulls over to the side of the road. The police pull in behind him.

A policeman appro...

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I'm sick of people speeding through my residential neighbourhood in their obnoxiously loud tricked-out vehicles

Fucking ambulances

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The larger the feet, the larger the penis. The larger the vehicle, the smaller the penis.

Maybe that’s why everyone is so scared of clowns.

What happens when Frogs park their vehicles illegally?

They get TOAD

The FIA will be introducing a new series of Grand Turismo races with zero emission fuel cell vehicles cleverly called Formula Zero,

or GTF0.

Three guys arrive at the pearly gates, and St. Peter decides which vehicle to give them.

“Heaven is a big place,” he says. “You’ll need something to get around. What I give you is based on how well you treated your marriage on Earth.”

The first guy says, “Marriage was difficult for me. We both had affairs and eventually got divorced after 10 years. But I still tried to live a goo...

A car mechanic had noticed something peculiar about the vehicles he was servicing.

It seemed to him that the German cars his customers brought in had more pronounced undersides than non-German ones. Audis were the worst offenders, and he was getting annoyed at how often he would have to work on cars that had less space for him to work between them and the ground.

One day, h...

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Apparently, someone gets hit by a vehicle every 60 seconds

Poor bastard

What's a Redditor's favorite kind of vehicle, favorite kind of food, and favorite kind of teacher all in one word?

A sub

Ford is creating a new company to manufacture electric vehicles using Tesla software and batteries.

They're naming it Edison.

So I hit another vehicles bumper the other day, so we both pulled over to the side of the road. The driver got out. I noticed he was a dwarf, he shouted, "I'm not happy!"

I replied, "then which one are you?"

What do you call an LGBTQ vehicle?

A BI-cycle

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An undertaker buys 2 vehicles and decides to get custom number plates.

He makes one "HIS" and the other "HEARSE".

If two wheeled vehicles make you angry, are you bi-furious?

You know, just asking for a friend...

What was the smartest vehicle ?

Stephen Hawking

What do vehicles do in discos?

They brake-dance

My mom laughed at me when I said I was going to make a vehicle out of spaghetti.

You should have seen her face when I drove pasta.

"He drives a 300k vehicle. He must be rich."

Woman: So what do you do for a living?

Man: I drive a bus.

A new study has found that 98% of vehicular collisions with crows in Boston involve trucks and other large vehicles

Apparently they can all yell “cah, cah,” but not “bus, bus.”

What's the best vehicle for watching movies?

ATV

I like my vehicles just like my violence

Domestic

"Heck yeah, I'll marry him! He drives a 400k vehicle, gets paid to travel, and is adorned by the business crowd."

Woman: So what do you do for a living?

Man: I drive a bus.

Apple is developing a product—invented by Bart Simpson—that cleans your vehicle.

The iCaroomba

Why did the mover have Starry Night painted on his vehicle?

He wanted everyone to look at his Van Gogh.

Building electirc vehicles is illegal in Africa,

So i Madagascar.

I've decided to buy a hybrid vehicle.

It's the front of one welded to the back of another.

A man approached what was certainly a bad vehicle accident.

It seemed that a bus had been hit by a truck belonging to a major company. Strewn about on the ground were a dozen bus passengers. The man asked one of the passengers, “Has anybody from the insurance company been here yet?” The passenger shook his head from side to side. The man continued, “Good, th...

A hitchiker is taken by an elderly couple in an RV. During the trip, the husband, driving the vehicle, says "152", and the couple laughs. Then the wife says "365" and they also laugh.

The hitchhiker then asks "What's the deal with these numbers?"

The old man replies: "We've been telling each other jokes for such a long time that we memorized and numbered them all, and now only refer to them by numbers."

A few minutes after hearing that, the hitchhiker says "984", an...

When you grow up poor like I did, it's not unusual to be in your twenties without a vehicle or licence...

You just sort of learn to run with it.

What do you call a farm vehicle that is exceptional at finding the right angle?

A pro-tractor

With the rise of self-driving vehicles...

With the rise of self-driving vehicles, it's only a matter of time before we get a country song where a guy's truck leaves him too

My car broke down on the side of the road at night. Just my luck, some shady hoodlums approached my vehicle after only a few minutes...

What a relief, they totally jumped me!

Microsoft is working on software for self-driving vehicles.

I can't wait until my car suddenly stops in the middle of the highway and reboots to install updates.

A man is facing trial for a motor vehicle theft.

Judge: "This is a serious charge, young man. How do you plead to these allegations?"



*The man whispers something quietly to his lawyer*



Lawyer: Are... Are you sure?



Man: Yes, absolutely.



Lawyer: "Your honor, the defendant would like to ple...

The University of Kansas football program just traded in all their company vehicles for new ones...

They wanted Les Miles

Recent studies show that electric vehicles made by BMW have a ten percent better battery life.

Because they don't waste electricity by using their blinkers.

What is a dog in a vehicle?

A carpet.

What did the art thief's say when they jumped in the getaway vehicle after a heist?

Van Gogh

The other day I told a joke about an armoured vehicle with a rotating gun turret.

It tanked.

For my birthday, my mother gave me a vehicle

"Thanks for the car, Ma!"

What vehicle do you pick up the most chicks in?

A tractor

(Maybe you'll have to say it out loud)

What does an Irishman say when you give him two heavily armoured vehicles for Christmas?

Tanks

One day a snail goes to the dealership

The dealer is longwindedly going on about all his options and the snail says he doesn’t care what car it is, he just wants the fastest one on the lot.
The dealer takes him to the fastest car they have and the snail only has one question, “Would it be possible to get the letter ‘S’ painted onto a...

What is a scarecrows vehicle of choice?

An Autumn mobile

What do you call a math tool that supports farming vehicle rights?

Protractor

A priest offered to give a nun a ride (in his vehicle)

A priest offered to give a nun a lift. She got in, and crossed her legs, forcing her gown up and revealing a bit of leg.

Out of shock, the priest nearly lost control of his vehicle, swerved aggressively, and managed to re-stabilize the car.

Once he was driving safely again, he stealth...

An older woman (around age 47) gets pulled over for speeding. As the officer approaches the vehicle, she rolls down her window

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk drivin...

Why do Ford vehicles have heated rear bumpers?

To keep your hands warm when you're pushing it

[long] A man is speeding on the highway and he hears the sudden sound of police sirens. He angrily stops his vehicle on the side of the road and rolls down his window.

The officer greets him and asks him for an identification, to which the man has no choice but to reply: “look officer, I immigrated illegally just this week so I don’t own an identification.”

The officer then asks him for his driver’s license, to which the man hastily replies:
“I- I don’t...

The Beatles all walk into an orange underwater vehicle

Oops, wrong sub

My local park doesn't allow wheeled vehicles inside.

Today a group of people are protesting this rule by driving a huge cart through the park. At first I didn't like the idea but I changed my mind and jumped on the banned wagon.

What vehicle uses Bethesda's creation engine?

A buggy

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Who is calling?

The phone rang at the motor pool and an authoritative voice demanded to know how many vehicles were operational.

Paddy answered, "We've got twelve trucks, ten utilities, three staff cars and that Bentley the fat-arsed colonel swanks around in."

There was a stony silence for a second ...

An Ukrainian immigrant in USA went to the Motor Vehicles Registry

An Ukrainian immigrant in USA went to the Motor Vehicles Registry (Department of Motor Vehicles or Secretary of State in some states) to apply for a driver's license. He had to take an eye test.The clerk shows him a card with the letters:

C Z W I X N O S T A C Z

"Can you read this?" th...

What do you call a vehicle with no fuel in Africa?

Outtagascar

Till death

So imagine a world where a person dies, goes to heaven, and gets a vehicle based on how faithful they were to their spouse.

Three men all die at the same time and are sentenced to their vehicle along side one another.

*The first man*: He was faithful to his spouse every day of his lif...

I've finally discovered why it takes so long to develop self-driving vehicle technology.

The first cars equipped with it have to turn 16 before any real development can begin.

When people ask me how I get to work, I always say in a $200,000 vehicle

I love the bus

What is Darth Vader’s favorite Nissan vehicle?

The Rogue one.

They've got internet for vehicles in Hong Kong too...

They call it Wong Kar-Wai fi.

I drove to Vegas in a $25,000 Chevy and came home in a $250,000 vehicle

A greyhound bus.

Police: Sir, you are under arrest for trying to carry 6 people on a single motorcycle

Me: What do you mean 6 people?

Police: Yes, 6 people. Now please get off your vehicle.

Me: OH MY GOD!

Police: Sir?

Me: Jack fell off!

Why are automatic vehicles difficult to drive?

Because they don't come with a manual

TIL a tiger would chase down your vehicle leaving his family behind, but a lion would never do that.

Because it would hurt his pride

A friend bet me that I couldn't turn spaghetti into a motor vehicle

She was really mad when I drove pasta

So, I'm on base when my sergeant calls me into his office.

He hands me the keys to his SUV and says "Look, I know it's not a new vehicle, but they recently stopped making this model. It's important to me that it not get damaged. I need you to take it and get it washed off-base." I'm taking the duty really seriously, but when I drive by the woods I see th...

What vehicle do you give a Pharaoh as a gift?

A new bus.

BMW tried to make an amphibious vehicle...

Mercedes and BMW started selling amphibious vehicles. Soon, however, BMW was forced to stop selling them, as their customer's kept getting the Benz.

You can't hit a crow with your vehicle.

There is always another one in a tree saying " car, car, car ".

A cop lies in wait as a group leaves a bar

Finally closing time, he dims his lights and waits for the group to get in their vehicles.

As the people get to their cars, the first car to leave the parking lot swerves a bit, pops the curb slightly, continues on and gets back on the road and makes a slow start to head home. Seeing this, th...

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Rumor has it the Amish and the Japanese are working on a new vehicle together...

...they plan on calling it the ToYoder.

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My friend works at NASA developing robotic exploration vehicles...

A few years back he was intensely busy with a major project involving a multi-million-dollar remote-controlled rover, often sleeping at the lab and coming home only once every 3-4 days to shower, change clothes, and feed his cats. One of his cats got sick at that time, but he didn't even have time t...

Your vehicle has this magical lever

That shows which direction you're turning

This vehicle stopped on a dime.

Unfortunately the dime was in Joeys pocket.

In heaven, in order to see what vehicle you will be given, Peter must ask you a question...

The first man comes up, and Peter asks,

"Have you ever cheated on your wife?"

The man answers, "no never!" Peter replies, "ok, you get a Rolls Royce."

A second man comes up, Peter asks him the same question and he answers, "well once or twice, but only in the first year!"
<...

As a broke college student, do you know what the best vehicle to have is?

A scholarSHIP.

I'm sorry.

Which country will be the first to change to all electric vehicles?

Madagascar

A rookie police officer pulled me over for speeding and had the following exchange:

• Officer: May I see your driver's license?

• Me: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

• Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?

• Me: It's not my bike. I stole it.

• Officer: The motorcycle is stolen?

• Me: That's right. But co...

What sound does Nintendo's security vehicles make?

Wii U Wii U Wii U Wii U

Did you hear Renault and Ford are going release a hyrbrid vehicle this year

mixing the Renault 'Clio' and the Ford 'Taurus' together

Police officer to a driver: “OK, driver’s license, vehicle license, first aid kit and warning triangle.”

Driver: “Nah, I’ve already got all that. But how much for that funny Captain’s cap?"

What do you call a Mexican who can't find his vehicle?

Carlos.

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The Stretcher

A man is blazing down a highway in a brand new Ferrari when after crossing a bridge he notices a cop behind him. He pulls over and the cop is about to write a hefty ticket until he approaches the car:

Cop - Dispatch, we have a grand theft auto. Please send backup

Driver - HEY OFFICER! ...

What is the best vegetable delivery vehicle in the world?

An ambulance

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Old Men Scam

>**Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc.  This is the first warning I have seen for men.  I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it.  A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular customers at Lowe's, Home Depot, Sam’s ...

An American, a Frenchman and an Italian sit at the beach.

They are arguing about the quality of their vehicles and the engineering prowess of their country.

The Italian says: You know, my old Fiat is still serving me well. I bought it 10 years ago and barely changed a thing other than oil.

The Frenchman responds:

10 years? Honhonhon! M...

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A woman walks into a Ferrari dealership.

She browses around, then spots the car of her dreams. She walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the leather upholstery, a small fart escapes her. Extremely embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed, and hopes a sales person doesn't pop up right now. But as she tur...

3 men got to heaven

(English is not my native language, so please excuse any mistakes)


3 men died in an accident and got to heaven. They met God, who said that they would get a vehicle each. What it would be were decided based of how faithful the men had been to their wifes.


The first man look...

Why did Gordon Freeman's vehicle dismember the metrocop and pulverize his limbs?

Because he was driving a Combine harvester.

Excuse me sir, how much have you had to drink tonight?

A cop waited outside a popular pub hoping to nab a drunk-driver.

At closing time, as everyone came out, he spotted his potential quarry.

The man was so obviously inebriated that he could barely walk.

He stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes looking for his car.
...

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Big shot lawyer is driving through countryside on beautiful spring Sunday.

He's driving bit fast but there's no one else in sight. Feeling the power of car makes him feel great. He sees a crossroad with a stop sign coming up. Empty roads for miles. He slows a bit and swerves to left and speeds up.



Few moments later he hears sirens and sees red flashing light...

Uber dressed up some of their vehicles as Star Wars Stormtroopers in Manhattan...

I wouldn't mind riding one of those. They won't hit anything.

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I saw a stolen BMW today. I decided to call the police.

“Yes officer, I’ve just seen a stolen vehicle out here on the highway, westbound”

“With all due respect, civilian, there are hundreds, thousands of vehicles out there, it is incredibly difficult to spot a stolen vehicle if you don’t have the training for it. Did you see a smashed window or so...

Intelligent Crows

When I was in school, some professors noticed that the crows on campus were astoundingly intelligent. These crows recognized that when lights were green, cars could go and when they were red, cars would stop. Using this knowledge, the crows would put nuts on the crosswalk so that during a green ligh...

What vehicle does a baker drive?

A Winnebagel

Volkswagen announces it will open a facility in Israel to make a new advanced vehicle...

The new models are are so advanced not only will they stop on a dime, they'll actually pick it up.

Stop Means Stop (Long)

While on a business trip in Dublin from London, a young lawyer ran a stop sign and got pulled over. Having heard before that the Irish Police are not the cleverest bunch this lawyer thought to himself "This will be easy".
"Good evening officer, how can i help you today?" The Lawyer says politel...

What do you call a law enforcement agency that refuses to buy it's own vehicles?

The Pro-lease department

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What was Hitler's favourite air vehicle?

heilcopter

Three men die one day, and are admitted into heaven.

God approaches them and says, “this is the road to heaven. The class of the vehicle you drive to heaven is determined by how faithful you were to your significant other.” The first man says, “I was very faithful to my wife, I didn’t cheat on her once.” God said, “very good, take that Lamborghini int...

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