This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was driving along at 70mph when this motorbike pulled up alongside me and the rider gestured at me to roll the window down

so I did, and he leaned his entire head and shoulders into my car, he's got a cigarette between his lips and he says "Hey mate, could you give us a light?"

"Are you trying to fucking kill yourself?!" I screamed.

He shrugged at me. "It's all right, I'm down to ten a day now."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Joe wanted to buy a motorbike

but he doesn't have much luck until one day, he comes across a Honda road bike with a 'for sale' sign on it.

The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition.

He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Harley & The dishes (NSFW)

A guy named Joe heads into his local Harley Davidson dealership with a fistfull of dollars and starts looking for his dream motorbike. The dealer looks at Joe's choice and states that while Joe's choice in motorcycle was respectable, the older style Harleys not only held their value better, but in m...

I'm fine..

A farmer named Paddy had a car accident. He was hit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company.
In court, the Eversweet Company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Paddy.

'Didn't you say to the police at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?' asked the solicitor?
Paddy responded: 'Well,...

We went to visit my brother in hospital because he had crashed his motorbike into a tree and impaled himself onto a tree branch i asked the doctor "How is he?"...

The doctor said "He's not out of the woods yet"....

What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?

A Holly Davidson

Waking groggily, I remembered flying off my motorbike...

The smell and sounds quickly made me realise that I was in a hospital, but something wasn't right.

I reached down to feel my legs, but sat up and screamed as I felt nothing!

It was only then that I noticed the doctor standing by the end of my bed who raised his eyebrows in surprise and...

Since the wife left me I've bought a motorbike, got a dog, slept with two women, and blown a grand on drink and drugs.

She'll go mad when she gets home from work.

Why didn't the motorbike win the car race?

It was two tired.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've just started working away from home and found I have a problem with flatulence sounding like a motorbike.

I visited the doctor and it turns out I have small growth just on the inside of my anus. "Is it serious?" I asked.

He replied "No no, just a case of abscess makes the fart go Honda".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man buys a motorbike and is riding it home when it occurs to him that he's somewhat lacking control, as the wind is getting into his coat and buffeting him quite badly.

He pulls over, deciding to put his coat on back-to-front so the openings between the buttons are at the back.

Much improved he confidently accelerates away, but within five minutes of riding like this he reaches a sharp bend in the road, where he discovers his arms are rather too restricted ...

Thankfully it's not another virus we have to worry about.

The police have found a large number of dead crows on the 101 just north of
Ventura early this morning, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu
A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed
the problem was NOT Avian Flu.
Th...

Can't find anyone to help my pregnant wife so i went out and bought a motorbike

My friends tell me I'm having a midwife crisis

What do you call a priest on a motorbike?

Rev

Motorbikes are ideal transportation for people that don't intend to have children.

They wouldn't even let me bring our newborn home from the hospital.

I was having trouble with my motorbike so I arrived late at my girl friend's ...

she asked "what happened?"

I replied "piston broke",

and she said " I know you are, but what happened?"

My girlfriend was being very suspicious so I followed her, and now I have a huge problem

I need some advice guys. Recently my gf has been receiving too many calls during very odd hours of the night. She has also been coming home very late saying that she was at a team building meeting at work. I called her boss, and he said they've not had any such meeting for the past month. So yesterd...

The singer for the band Steppenwolf has been decapitated in a motorbike accident...

They found his head out on the highway...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've finally managed to have sex on the back of a motorbike with my girlfriend

It was a Triumph!

My friend got a motorbike jacket gifted from his uncle

Along with his organs

I've invented a way of getting my motorbike going without a battery.

I'm going to do a kickstarter for it.

When I was 18, I wanted to buy a brand new motorbike, but my mother forbid it.

She explained that she had a brother who died in a motorbike crash when he was 18, and so I could have his instead.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to buy a motorbike...

A man goes to buy a motorbike before meeting his girlfriend's parents for the first time. He finds an amazing looking model and asks the dealer what the price is. The dealer replies 'It's only $1000, but there's a catch. It's not waterproof. When it rains, you have to rub vaseline over it or it will...

What's the difference between a motorbike and a toilet?

In the first case you sit and run, in the second you run and sit.

(incredibly nobody ever wrote this one before, credits to dad)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple were on a motorbike, and the girlfriend was cold

She was wearing a button-up jacket. The boyfriend says let's stop here, turn your jacket inside out and put it back on so the wind can't get through. She did so and they carried on. A few miles down the road, they almost hit a car head on coming round a corner, skidded and came off the bike. The amb...

What's worse than watching your brother do a double barrel roll over 15 cars on a motorbike?

Having to watch him do a half barrel roll over 8 of them.

R.I.P. Bobby. Never forget.

A truck driver stops at a roadside diner

A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner one day to grab some lunch. He ordered a cheeseburger, a coffee and a slice of apple pie. Just as he was about to eat them, three big hairy bikers walked in.

The first biker grabbed the trucker’s cheeseburger and took a big bite from it.

The s...

Did you hear about the motorbike who came out to his parents?

He was bi-cycle

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy buys a vintage motorcycle he saw for sale in an ad in the paper.

When he goes to pick the bike up, the dude who sells him the bike says, "

"Now remember....that's all original leather. You can't let it get too wet. If it starts raining and you don't have anywhere to shelter it, make sure you keep a tub of vaseline with you. Rub it all over the seat so the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A policeman is riding his motorcycle on a dark, lonely stretch of road on a freezing cold night.

He sees a fellow motorcyclist stopped on the side of the road. "What's the problem?" he says. "Bike wont run" So the cop dismounts and says, "Probably frozen carburettor, just pee on it"
Biker doesn't seem keen so the cop pulls out the meat-baton and gives the carbys a good spray. "There ya go ma...

My wife would be upset - (Long)

I was going on my motorbike when I saw a car coming the wrong way on a oneway road. An extremely beautiful woman was at the driving seat. I was so distracted that I had to swerve last minute to avoid the car which led to me losing control and ending up in a ditch next to the road. After a minute or...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bear and a rabbit stumbled upon a magical lamp in the forest...

They rubbed it and guess what, a genie appeared. He granted both of them 3 wishes each. The rabbit asked the bear to go first, becuase he knew the bear's playboy nature.

Bear: I wish to be the most handsome bear in the whole world.
Genie: Granted.
Rabbit: I want a motorbike.
Genie (...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Rabbit and a bear are fighting in a forest, when a wizard walks by

He explains to them that if they stop fighting, he will grant them three wishes each.

So of course they stop fighting immediately.

“Right,” says the wizard, “why don't you go first, bear?”

The bear thinks about his first wish for a few seconds and then says, “I wish that every b...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The new motorbike

A guy just bought a new motorbike. While leaving, the salesman tells him to apply vaseline if the bike gets wet the first time. The guy calls his girlfriend to make sure she is home to surprise her with the motorbike.

The whole family of the girlfriend is just about to finish eating dinner a...

My 6-year-old nephew asked me to post his joke.

Two flies riding on a motorbike.

One says to the other: Stop! Stop! A bug just flew into my eye.









Sorry

TEENAGERS: Get a FREE car

By telling your parents that you want to buy a motorbike

A farmer gets a phone call from his son.

A farmer gets a phone call from his son. "I've run over a pig and its stuck under the tractor still alive." "Shoot it," says the farmer, "and then bury it." About 20mins later he gets another call..." "Done that, what should I do with his speed camera and motorbike?"

Some bloke started talking to me in the pub last night.

"My mate came off his motorbike today," he said.

"Oh really?" I asked.

"Yes," he replied. "He has slight brain damage, two broken arms and is completely blind in one eye."

"Blimey," I said. "No wonder he came off it then."

Harley Davidson dies and goes to heaven...

He was met at the gate by saint Peter. He said to Harley your not suppose to be here, your supposed to be in hell. Harley said no I’m not I want to see the boss. Saint Peter takes Harley to see God. Harley says to God I’m suppose to be up here not in hell. Oh Harley you invented the motorbike, I’m a...

A middle aged guy and his teenage daughter were riding a motor bike

and taking a shortcut through a darkened park when they were stopped by a gang of muggers. They searched them and took the guys wallet, his watch and the motorbike but couldn’t find any jewelry from the girl.When the muggers had gone, the guy asked his daughter; “Did they take your new diamond ring ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Nsfw a rabbit and a bear cross a field and stumble on a green lamp.

The rabbit spoting the lamp instinctively rubbed it and in his astonishment and with a large puff of smoke a genie appeared coughing and splutering...

"Wow thank you both for releasing me its been ages since my last release. As customary i grant you both three wishes of your hearts desire"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to drink absinthe

I used to drink absinthe, but it caused me bad indigestion and terrible wind, weirdly, it sounded like a Japanese motorbike.

I went to a doctor who told me it wasn't uncommon, that everybody knows "absinthe makes the fart go Honda".

I've really enjoyed the benefits of wife swapping recently...

Got a brand new motorbike for her yesterday

Can anyone trade me a wheelchair?

I offer a crushed motorbike

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A genie, lion and the rabbit.

Genie saw lion chasing the rabbit.

Stops them and asks them I'll grant you three wishes than you go your separate ways.

Lion says turn all my jungle lions into lionesses.

Rabbit says give me a helmet.

Lion says turn my neighbouring jungles lions into lionesses as well....

Pigs

I was driving down a country lane when I hit a pig, I wasn’t dead yet so I called my Dad for advice, he said put it out of its misery, so I went over and hit it with a tyre iron.
I said to my Dad, okay that’s better but his motorbike is still stuck under my car

A biker gang comes into a transport cafe

and start picking on a little middle-aged man just sitting down to an all-day breakfast. They steal most of it, spit in his tea, and pull away his chair from under him, until eventually he gives up and walks out silently.

They laugh loudly and say to the waitress "He wasn't much of a man, was...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife and I were driving home last night, both of us feeling horny…

We couldn't wait to get home, so I pulled into a quiet road and we got down to it.

Then a cop on a motorbike came round the corner and gave me a ticket.

I said "What the fuck's this for?"

He replied, "That's for doing 69 in a 30 zone."

Xmas Joke Help

Hi All,

So December 1st is upon us (in Australia at least) and that means that it is time for me to begin my annual tradition of posting daily status updates on facebook with terrible xmas jokes until xmas. An advent calendar of xmas cracker jokes if you will.

Anyway this is my third o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

THE LION ,THE RABBIT AND THE GENIE

Once there was a lion.
He saw a rabbit and decided to attack it.
The rabbit was running for his life .
When suddenly the lion and the rabbit saw a GENIE (like the one from ALADDIN).

GENIE : why are you guys fighting ?
LION : IM HUNGRY
GENIE : I will give you three wishes each...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is pulled over by a cop for speeding

The cop, however, is a riddle lover and tells the man that he would be free to go without a ticket if he solved his riddle correctly.
The man accepted, and the cop told him: "you're on a dark road, late in the evening. On the opposite side you see two lights coming towards you. What is it?"
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I was five years old...

When I was five years old, I asked my dad for a new bicycle for my birthday. He said to me, "Well is your dick long enough to touch your bumhole?"

I replied, "No,"

To which he countered, "Then you can't bloody get a new bicycle."

When I was ten I really wanted a puppy for my bir...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man went to see a therapist.

He said "Doc, my motorbike has become sentient. It gets angry whenever it runs out of gas and physically assaults me! I go fill it up, but then I have to visit the hospital for my injuries and wind up paying thousands of dollars' worth of medical bills. That means I don't have money left for gas, so...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

New bike

A bloke wins the lottery and decides to buy himself a Harley Davidson, he goes down to his local bike shop and after purchasing a top of the range bike, the owner of the shop tells him to coat the bike in Vaseline every time it looks like raining. That night he goes and picks his girlfriend up on hi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sad Times

Just arrived home after seeing a good friend and fellow campervanner take his last, I was to honoured to have been there at the end. This was a man who had dodged a snipers bullet in the Falklands, had survived many armed patrols in Northern Ireland. A man who had walked away from a high speed motor...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There is a bear chasing a rabbit through the forrest...

They are neck and neck and the bear is almost able to catch the rabbit when he spots a magic lamp. The bear comes to a stop and rubs the lamp with all his might. A genie pops out and says he will grant three wishes to both the rabbit, and the bear. The bear goes first.
"I wish I was the only male...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a bear and a rabbit.

There was a bear and a rabbit walking through the woods, right, and they found a magic lamp. Since it was dirty they decided to clean it. So when they were done with that a magic genie came out of the lamp. So the genie was like "I shall grant you both three wishes since you both found me." So the b...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There's this 17 years old kid who's taking an exam for his driving license..

The examinator says "It's night. You see a single light coming towards you.. What is it?"
K: "Well.. It is a motorbike! "
E: "No, no.. You have to be more specific. Is it a Ducati? A Yamaha? A Suzuki?"
K: "Ask me one more question! "
E: "Ok, ok.. It's night. You see two lights coming to...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rabbit and a bear are walking through the woods..

.. when they stumbled upon a genies lamp. A mystical genie appeared in front of them and promised to grant them both 3 wishes. The bear pushed the rabbit to the side and said "I saw the lamp so I'm going first! I wish I was the best looking bear there has ever been." the genie snapped his fingers an...

Only in Australia

A farmhand in Australia was out checking farm fences in his Land Cruiser when he hit something. He radioed the farm for advice.

"There's a pig stuck in the bullbar and is still alive but he's kicking and squealing so much I can't get him free," he said.

"Okay," said the boss. "In the...

A man hits a pig driving his car...

A man's driving though the country side way faster than he should be when suddenly he hits something, so he slams on his brakes. He gets out, and hears a horrible screeching squeal coming from under his car. He calls 911...
"Hi, I've hit a pig and its under my car, wriggling and squealing in pain...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.