While golfing, I accidentally overturned my golf cart.

A very attractive golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out, "Are you okay?"

"I'm okay thanks," I replied as I pulled myself out of the twisted cart.

She said, "Come up to my villa, rest a while, and I'll help you get the cart up later."

I n...

A man in the grocery store notices a woman with a three-year-old girl in her cart.

As they pass the cookie section, the little girl screams for cookies. The mother says, “Now Missy, we only have a few more aisles to go—don’t throw a fit. It won’t be long.” In the candy aisle, the little girl whines for candy. The mother says,

“There, there, Missy, don’t cry. Two more aisle...

A man is on a flight at cruising altitude when a female flight attendant comes by with a cart. She looks at him, smiles, and asks, “Would you like some headphones?”

The man responds, “Yes, but how did you know my name was Phones?”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

One day while at the farmers market a man came upon a cart with a sign that read “Magic Apples”

He asked the farmer what could possibly be magic about apples. The farmer handed him a fruit and said try it. After taking a bite the man said to the farmer, “It’s a fine apple, but still just an apple.” To which the farmer replied “Turn it over”. The man turned the apple over, took another bite, an...

I realized that driving a golf cart isn’t as easy as it looks.

But I finally got it down to a tee.

A husband and wife were grocery shopping when the husband picked up a case of Budweiser and placed it in the cart.

"What do you think you're doing?" asked the wife.

"It's on sale. Only $10 for a case," he replies.

"We can't afford it. Put it back," demands the wife. They continue shopping
and a few minutes later the wife puts a $20 jar of face cream into the cart.

"What do you think you'r...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

In Feudal Japan, there was a system that determined who sat in the highly favored front position of carts.

You had to call Shogun.

A horse walks into a bar and orders a beer. The barkeeper says "you're in here pretty often. Think you might be an alcoholic?", to which the horse says "I don't think I am.", and vanishes from existence.

See, the joke is about Descartes' famous philosophy of 'I think therefore I am", but to explain that part before the rest of the joke would be to put Descartes before the horse.

Jimmy has a go-cart

Father Martin was walking down the sidewalk one morning and saw little Jimmy approaching on his go cart. As he rolled closer, one of the wheels popped off and the cart came to a screeching halt.
"God damn!" hollered Jimmy.
Father Martin ran over and knelt beside the cart. "Jimmy, Jimmy....

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman is in line at the grocery store when a very drunk man behind her looks the items in her cart and slurs "you mus' be single...!"

She was set to ignore him when she notices her shopping. There's nothing in her cart that would indicate her relationship status...

Curiosity gets the better of her and she answers him
"I am actually, but, how did you know?"

The drunk straightens up slightly and says "cos you're f...

To the lady with all the screaming kids at Walmart who's wondering how the box of condoms got into her cart...

You're welcome

A man is walking through the grocery store, and puts a case of beer in his cart

His wife says: “you don’t need that. Put that back.”
The husband says: “Yes, dear,” and puts the case of beer back on the shelf.
Later, the wife picks up a container from the cosmetics aisle and puts it in the cart.
“What is this?” The husband asks.
“It’s face cream. I wear it so I can l...

My dad used to own a donkey that would draw his cart...

...but he sold it for a horse that did watercolors.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An old guy and a young guy were pushing their carts at Home Depot

When they collided. The old guy says to the young guy. “Sorry about that. I’m looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.”


The young guy says, “That’s okay. It’s a coincidence. I’m looking for my wife, too. I can’t find her and I’m getting a bit an...

I crashed my golf cart two times while driving through hole one.

My driving skills were below par.

Me: "Alexa, add tinfoil for hats to my shopping cart."

Alexa: "I ordered yesterday after I noticed you had 3 sheets left in your upper right cupboard. You're all good."

A horse walks into a bar...

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks the horse if it's an alcoholic, to which the horse replies, "I don't think I am." POOF! The horse disappears.

This is the point in time when any philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical pro...

A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a ...case of Miller Lite and puts it in their cart...

...'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife. 'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans', he replies. 'Put them back, it's a waste of money', demands the wife, and so he does and they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along, the woman picks up a $20 jar of ...face cream and puts i...

What is the difference between a blonde and a shopping cart?

Sometimes, the shopping cart has a mind of its own.

What does a shopping cart and a wheelchair have in common?

They both can be used to carry vegetables....

Why don't auto repair shops fix golf carts?

Because they work with parts for cars, not carts for pars.

After my retirement at the company I worked at for 50 years, I looked forward to some relaxation time and putting my feet up, but my wife had other ideas...

... she insisted I take her to the local shopping centre every day.

Like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and out.

She's like most women - loves to browse & leaves me with endless time to fulfill.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following let...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman at the grocery store went to the register with these items in her cart:

* a carton of eggs
* a quart of orange juice
* a head of romaine lettuce
* a 2 lb. can of coffee
* a 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a
drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the
cashier....

My wife and I were watching a man push a shopping cart with a ladder in it down the road.

My wife said to me “do you think he asked to borrow the cart or did he just steal it,” I replied “probably the ladder.”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Isaac Newton, being the big pimp Mack daddy he is, goes to the bar.

There, he sees his good friend Rene DesCartes wallowing in self pity, crying over a whiskey.

"My dear friend," Newton says, "whatever is the matter?"

"Ah, Isaac, tis terrible! My wife has been cheating on me!" DesCartes bemoans, "We are separating and I fear I shall never love again!"...

On a trip to Russia.

4 Americans spys find themselves in a sleeper cabin on a train to Moscow. One of the men thought it would be funny to play a trick on the other three. He goes out to the tea cart and asks for 4 cups of tea to be delivered to his cabin in 10 minutes.

Returning to his cabin, he spoke to his bun...

One day, a farmer heard a loud crash from the road outside his home.

He ran out to investigate, and is surprised to see a young boy looking dazed next to a cart carrying a load of fruits. A wheel had fallen off, causing it to crash. The farmer ran out to help the boy. "Boy," He asked. "Are you alright?" The boy nodded, and the farmer sighed in relief. "That's good. ...

A magician is traveling through Europe performing his flashy new fountain-pen act

He sells out shows in Paris, London, Berlin, Prague, and Amsterdam. People begin calling him "Bic Jesus"

Everywhere he went, crowds would gather to see him perform his Montblanc mastery. Men wanted to be him, and women wanted to be with him.

This all changed one fateful spring day. ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I was at the deli counter behind another dad and his son the other day.

I was at the deli counter behind another dad and his son the other day. He has his hands full - the kid was screaming for candy, cookies... all sorts of things. The dad kept saying in a controlled voice: “Easy, William, this won’t take long. Just chill out.”

He had another outburst in the cer...

Two foreign immigrants have just arrived in the United States by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs."

"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart. "Two dogs, please," she says. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot ...

Trump (thanks for sorting by new)

It's Trump's wedding anniversary in a few days - in a rare tender moment he described the first time he laid eyes on Melania, and clicked 'add to cart'

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man walks into a bar with an overweight donkey and a sour looking cat.

He sits down, and asks for a 1 beer. He gets a bucket of water for the donkey, and milk for the cat. The cat looks at the milk and scowls in disgust. The man explains that the cat only drinks 2% milk and nothing else.
After drinking he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact amount ...

3 men go to heaven

(context: this heaven is different, very different, your way of transportation is based on how many times you’ve sinned, ex. larger amount of sins = worse car, low amount of sins = better car)

3 men go to heaven, 1 man walks up to God, God asks the man “How many times have you cheated in you...

A pastor is walking down a path

When he spots a young boy, frantically lifting hay bales onto an upended cart. The boy is sweating profusely, and the pastor says to him: "Son, you are working very hard, very hard indeed. It is a hot day, perhaps you should take a rest?"

"Oh no, sir, my father would not like that. I must...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The single girl

A short joke, but one of my favorites.

A girl in her mid twenties goes to the supermarket. When she is done with her shopping, she begins walking towards the checkout (as you do).
At the checkout sits a guy, around her age. Short brown hair, brown eyes, a cute smile. Well, kind of an att...

Prices are going up

Two housewives met in the local supermarket. One had filled her shopping cart with Vaseline. She explained, “They are going to raise the price so, I’m stocking up.”

The other woman replied, “I’d never go to such extremes to save money. I’m not that tight.”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Mysterious Bottle of Ketchup

A man wants to throw a party, so he heads into a grocery store looking for supplies. He grabs a shopping cart and combs through the aisles, grabbing everything he could possibly need for the party.

He's about to head out and he does a final mental check of the things he needs. He realises he...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Promotion (long)

“Spend $100 or more and get a free 20 pound or less frozen turkey, while supplies last.

That was the promotion our store ran every Thanksgiving for the last 17 years. Well, for as long as I’ve been here, that is.

But not this year

This year, we’re not running a promotion. I real...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Little Bobby goes to confession

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been reposting to /r/jokes."

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Bobby?"

"Yes, Father, it is."

"And what joke was it that you reposted?"

"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to spoil the joke for you."

"Well, Bobby, ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An iron worker moves to Iraq

An iron worker moves to Iraq to make use of all the scrap metal lying around. After a few weeks of collecting he had a few close calls with finding mines in the piles of scrap, which according to the locals was a fairly common occurrence. After nearly loosing his arms for the fifth or sixth time he ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An Amish girl riding with her mom

An Amish girl is riding with her mom in a cart when she turns to her mom
"mom my hands sure are cold"
"well put them between your legs that'll warm them up"
So the girl does and her hands warm up. The next day the girl is riding with her boyfriend and he says "boy my hands are cold"
"wel...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A tired american soldier is on a train to london

The train was packed. He went searching for a seat as he came by a middle aged woman and her dog. He asked her "may I please have that seat", the woman replied "you Americans are so rude, cant you see my little Fifi is sitting here". The soldier walks the length of the train and back to cross the wo...

A man walks into Target

He gets a cart and visits each aisle picking out various items that he's never bought before. He takes his overloaded buggie up to the checkout and calmly watches each item beginning scanned. When it's over and the cashier asks for payment, he says, "Oh I don't have any money. This was just Targe...

Dammit

Three men were riding a golf cart and it crashed, killing them all. When they got to the gates of heaven, Peter said: "I have to ask you all a question before you go in. "

So he asks the first guy: "Have you ever cheated on your wife?"

He replied: "No, I have been a good and faithful h...

A white guy, a black guy, and a Chinese guy go to work at a coal mine.

When they arrive the manager assigns each of them a task. The white guy, Frank, is in charge of digging. The black guy, Jamaal, is in charge of transportation. The Chinese guy, Wong, is in charge of supplies.

They get to work and everything is going smoothly. Frank is digging up the coal at...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A golfer hits his ball into a yard next to the golf course.

As he goes to get it a man in the yard says, "Don't you see the sign? It says, 'Private property - Stay Out!'"

The golfer says, "I'm sorry I did not see it. That is my ball there. May I have it, please?"

The man says, "It's in my yard and so it's my ball now."

The golfer looks a...

A man was out golfing and stops to help a frog.

A golfer playing a round by himself hits his ball near a pond. As he approaches the ball he notices a small frog right next to the spot where his ball landed. Not wanting to hit the frog, he bends down and moves the frog onto a rock nearby. As he sets up his 8 iron shot, he hears the frog croak 'rib...

What’s the Islamic equivalent of cafeteria Christianity?

Allah-cart.

Heard this gem from a coworker yesterday

A man and his wife are out grocery shopping when the husband stops in beer section and gets a 24-pack for $10.

The husband puts the 24-pack in the cart and his wife stops him and say "We can't get that, we have to stick to the budget!" so he puts it back on the shelf.

Later on the wife...

The King asked one of his advisors to find the biggest five idiots in the kingdom and bring them to him within a month.

King Bob asked his advisor Simon to look for five biggest idiots in his state and produce them in his court within a month.
After a month's extensive search operations, Simon brought to the court only two people!

"But I asked for five," King Bob shouted angrily.

"Give me a chance to...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man enters the super-market with his son.

Upon entering he immediately proceeds to buy Lobsters and butter. After carting this up he goes into the vegetable aisle to buy a side for his dinner when his son notices a woman standing alone.
“My dad has crabs!” He shouts at her.
The father turns red with embarrassment and tells his son tha...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man went shopping with his wife.

At some point he lost his wife so he continued alone and searched for his wife. Suddenly he runs his shopping cart into the cart of another guy.

"Oh, I'm sorry sir," says the man.
"I wasn't paying attention for a moment, since I have lost my wife and I'm searching for her."

"Wel...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Little Johnny was late for class

As he walked into the classroom the teacher said "why are you late again Johnny".
Well, on the way to class my dad said "can you put the cart on the horse".
"The cart was at the top of the hill and the horse was at the bottom so I tried to move the cart down the hill but lost control and one o...

Arthur getting his weekly shopping

Arthur was an elderly man, he lived in a small coastal town in Scotland called Montrose. Generally he was a quiet and well respected member of the community. That was before the incident.

It happened back in the late 90s. Arthur had been at Tesco, the local supermarket, and had just finished...

50 zlotys

Wlodek, a rural farmer, has decided that might be safer not keeping his money under the mattress. So he takes his horse and cart and goes off to the nearest town to talk to the bank.
"Right," says Wlodek, "I want to make sure my 50 zlotys are safe. Like, what happens if someone robs you and takes...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Cod Captain and His Seamen's Semen

Several centuries ago, Irish fishermen sought fortune fishing cod off the coast of Newfoundland. During the long cross-Atlantic journey, many captains worried about their men after so much time away from their wives.

One devoutly Catholic captain was especially concerned that his men might re...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The one-armed golfer

A man lost an arm when his golf cart rolled over on him on a downward slope. He became very depressed because he loved to play golf so one day in his despair, he decided to commit suicide and end it all.



He got on an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off. He was st...

My local park doesn't allow wheeled vehicles inside.

Today a group of people are protesting this rule by driving a huge cart through the park. At first I didn't like the idea but I changed my mind and jumped on the banned wagon.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

In a kingdom far far away

The king had a beautiful wife. The beauty of the queen was world renown and was a thing of extreme pride for the king. But, one thing that gave the king extreme head ache was that he doubted his queen. He was paranoid that she was sleeping with someone else in the palace, may be one of his ministers...

A billionaire throws a party for the whole town....

A billionaire throws a party for the whole town. He has everything a billionaire could possibly have including: tennis courts, go cart track, mini-golf, private airplane, and a huge mansion. The main attraction however is the biggest swimming pool you've ever seen, and inside that pool, the worlds ...

Translation of an old Yiddish Joke...

One day in Czarist Russia, a poor old man and his very young daughter were on their way to town. They put all of their possessions in the back of a donkey driven wagon in hopes of selling some of them to make money. As they were traveling, up the road they saw a small group of Cossaks. They braced t...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman is standing in line at a grocery store...

In front of her is a granddad and his young grandson. The kid goes "I WANT THAT CANDY NOW!" as he swings his arms around. The grandfather says "James, calm down or you're gonna hit someone."

A while later the kid goes "GIVE ME THAT TOY NOW!". His grandfather says "James, just be patient."
...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Oxymoronic Poem!

Ladies and Gentlemen, skinny and stout,

I'll tell you a tale I know nothing about;

The Admission is free, so pay at the door,

Now pull up a chair and sit on the floor

One bright day in the middle of the night,

Two dead boys got up to fight;

Back to back they...

A jobless man applied for the job

A jobless man applied for the job of "sweeper" at Microsoft.

The HR interviewed him..

Then watched him cleaning the floor as a test.

"You are Appointed" he said.

"Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the forms to fill in".

The man replied "But I don't h...

A crook walks into a bait and tackle store and sees the cashier is blind.

She asks him for a 50 dollar fishing rod, and he walks over and shows it to her. Then she thanks him and sticks a 100 dollar rod into her cart.

But the blind man isn't stupid, and when she rings it up, he feels the rod and he says "that will be 100 dollars for the fishing rod."

the wom...

The Kings English

I take it you already know Of tough and bough and cough and dough? Others may stumble, but not you, On hiccough, thorough, slough and through.

Beware of heard, a dreadful word, That looks like beard but sounds like bird.

And dead: It’s said like bed, not bead -- For goodness’ sake, don...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man and his son were at the grocery store today...

They were using a cart that had a child-size car attached to the front with the kid inside. While I was shopping, I noticed the dad started hitting the cart into the wall, it was a pretty bizarre sight to see. Before I could intervene, the kid yells,



Kid: DAAAAAD, stop!!! What are you...

A kid named Arthur is hired...

at a supermarket. He preferred Artie, so that was put on his name tag. He was a pretty good worker, but he had a short temper.


Artie is bagging an order for a rich older couple and offers to take it to their car. They accept, and he pushes the cart out. He loads the bags into their trunk...

Where do pianists put their groceries while they shop?

In a Chopin cart.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

At school, kids were given the task to tell a story with a moral lesson

The next day, the teacher asks:

'So, what's your story Timmy?'

'This one time when we were taking eggs on a cart to the neighbouring town, the cart's wheel broke and so did all the eggs.'

'And what's the moral of this story?'

'That you shouldn't put all your eggs in one b...

Golfers.. After Valentine’s day

After Valentine's day..

Golfers........ !!!

At dawn the telephone rings...

"Hello, Señor Rod? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country
house."

"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"

"Um, I am just calling to advise you, Señor Rod, ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

One day, buzzard and rabbit were talking.

The buzzard says "Rabbit, I'm tired of the country life. This hard work is not for me. I'm going to move to the city and get rich." So buzzard packed up his things and moved to the city. In fact, he stayed true to his word and made it big. He bought a luxurious mansion just outside of the big city...

A woman went to a grocery store..

She gets a shopping cart and went to buy the stuff she needs.
First, she bought a tray of eggs.
Next, 3 bottles of milk.
And last, lettuce.

Now that she's done, she went to the cashier and puts her groceries on the conveyer belt.
The clerk, saw the stuff she bought.
He noticed ...

A nun decides to go golfing and invites a priest to be her caddy.

On the first hole, the nun hits an excellent shot, landing the ball right on the green. A short golf cart ride later, she putts and the ball rolls right toward the hole but veers left at the last second. "God, I missed!" yells the nun. "Now, now, sister," the priest remarks, "don't use the Lord's na...

An old man, Jim, goes to the golf course...

An old man goes to the golf course to play a round but needs someone else to help watch his ball. He sees another elderly gentlemen on the putting green. He walks over to him and says " Hey, are you looking to play a round? I could use someone to watch my ball because I can't see very well."

...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woodsman heads into town to buy supplies...

He fills his cart and heads to the counter.

Clerk: Anything else for ya?

Woodsman: Ya got any women?

Clerk: We don't have any women, but we got Old Jim.

Woodsman: I ain't into that shit.

So the woodsman heads back to his cabin. 3 months later he returns for suppl...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

3 Bulls

There were these 3 bulls. They were the only bulls on a farm with around 40 heifers, so they had their pick of all the females. One day their master's cart left for the market, and they had a conversation.

"I heard from a chicken that Master is buying another bull today, so we need to fuck mo...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Middle eastern woman moves to America...

...and visits a grocery store for the first time. Amazed by the selection and variety, she wanders the store before stopping in produce.
As she stocks her cart up with fresh fruits and vegetables, she stops dead walking by a bin of potatoes. Picking up one in her hand, she shakes her head and say...

A man brought his son to a grocery store...

A man brought his son to a grocery store, but as soon as they walked in the store the young child began to throw a temper tantrum. While they went down each aisle the child would yell, throw items in and out of the cart, and overall just be an annoyance.
Despite the scene his son was causing, the...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

Names
===========
If Linda, Kate, Paula and Janice go out for lunch, they will call each other Linda, Kate, Paula and Janice.
If Fred, Luke, Bradley, and Jeff go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bruno, Scrappy, Peanut-Head and Godzilla.

Eating Out
===========...

A monk walks up to a hot dog stand

he says to the cart owner, "Make me one with everything."

President Trump Calls His First Trip Abroad a 'Home Run'

Now he can jump on his golf cart and run all the bases

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The funeral director...

Schwartz dies and is brought to the local funeral home to be laid out.
The funeral director carts him in and begins to undress the body, but when he pulls off the man's pants- he can't believe what he sees! Mr. Schwartz has easily got the largest penis he's ever seen. I mean- HUGE!
"I can't ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Golf with the boss

A man and his boss skip work one weekday afternoon for a round of golf. They tee off at 1:00 and after 2 holes they catch up to a twosome of women. The women are playing unbearably slowly.

After waiting nearly an hour to play a hole, the men discuss how to get around these slow-playing wome...

A doctor, a lawyer, a priest, and an engineer are golfing...

... and they keep getting held up by a twosome in front of them. The two guys can't hit straight, take forever to find their balls, they are terrible, and no amount of yelling at them seems to help. Finally the greenskeeper comes around in his cart so they flag him down.

The greenskeeper sa...

A horse and a ram were sitting in a bar.

"Fancy another beer?" said the horse. "It's thirsty work pulling that cart all day."

"I know what you mean," replied the ram. "I've been stuck in a field all afternoon with no protection whatsoever from the sun. And the only water we get comes in a through that is filled with grass, muck and ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman walks into Walmart

She's wearing very dirty clothes, smells bad and looks like she is in a horrible situation. She has 2 kids who look worse in her shopping cart

The store clerk says: Wow, are they twins?

Woman: No you idiot, they obviously look 2 years apart.

Clerk: Oh, they don't look alike. ...

Separate but equal?

A guy dies and ends up in front of St. Peter at the entrance to heaven.

St. Peter says “Welcome to heaven! You’ve lived a good and decent life; we have to find you a place to live up here. Hop in my golf cart and let’s take a tour of the different subdivisions. Let’s start in the Methodist ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

It's Mr. Simon's last mail delivery after 40 years of dedicated service.

And as he arrives at the last house on his route, the number of gifts and tokens of appreciation in his overbrimming mail cart is pretty damned impressive.

And it's not without a tear in his eye that he flips the front door's brass mail slot to push the last delivery of his professional life ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An attractive young woman was stranded along a road.

It was getting late and she had miles to go before she reaches town. There were few cars passing by and she tried desperately to hitch a ride but nobody would stop for her.

When it was almost sundown, she heard clacking noise approaching her. Sure enough, when she look down the road, it was a...

How do you spot a meth - head in Wal-Mart...

In the light - bulb isle with their cart turned upside down, fixing a squeaky wheel.

The Greatest Pig...

A man was visiting his worldly uncle on his farm, when a pig in a wheeled cart trotted past him, missing its two hind legs. He leaned over to his uncle and asked "Uncle, what happened to that pig in the wheelchair?"

The uncle takes a deep draw of his pipe and points to the pig. "I owe that pi...

The Orange Cashier [Long]

A recent U.S. immigrant who spoke no English decided to get a job at the local supermarket.
On the first day of the job, a customer approaches him with a cart full of oranges and asks, "Are these oranges fresh?"

The cashier remains silent, so the customer leaves without purchasing the ora...

Banana juice

My Slovak girlfriend told me this today. I think it's an old one where she come from:

A farmer is riding his horse and cart through his village while carrying a large metal flask. A policeman sees this and stops him. "What's in the flask?" he asks suspiciously. "Is it alcohol? You know it's f...

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