UPJOKE
crashcollisionclashjarhitstrikeconflictshocksmashcrashesbumppummelrun intoboundintersect

Collided Jokes

A ship carrying blue paint collided with a ship carrying red paint

50 sailors were marooned

What did the black holes say when they collided?

Nothing, they just waved.

(Sorry)

Wife crashed the car again today. She told the police the man she collided with was on his mobile phone and drinking a can of beer.

Police said he can do what he likes in his own living room.

Did you hear about the Mucinex truck that collided with a Nyquil truck on the highway?

Amazingly, the entire area was congestion-free for over 8 hours.

What did a tectonic plate say to another tectonic plate after they accidentally collided?

Sorry, my fault.



(I'm sure it's been said before, but I still giggled at that one)

Breaking news just in. A cement mixer has collided with a prison van on the highway,

Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the fish say when it collided with a concrete wall?

“Dam.”
What did the dam say back?
“Dumb bass.”

What do you call two universes that collided?

Diverse.

Two bicyclists collided in India...

Ten thousand people died.

Did you hear about the cheese trucks that collided in France?

The only thing left at the scene was debrie

I saw on the news that a truck carrying almonds collided with another truck carrying glitter.

Apparently the road was covered with with almonds and glitter.

And I thought, "That's pretty nuts"

Two Ford Fusions collided head-on on the highway.

The good news is that the reaction released enough energy to light up New York City for 3 hours.

The lady who had crashed her SUV complained to the Police that the man she collided with was on his mobile and drinking beer from a bottle at the time.

The Police said that the gentleman was entitled to do what ever he wanted in his own garden!

A skunk and a rabbit were running through the woods and accidentally they collided with each other.

They both got amnesia from the crash.

"Who am I? What am I?" said the rabbit confused.

"Well, you're one such... with a short tail, long ears..."

"I guess!" shouted the rabbit, "I'm a rabbit!"

"And what am I?" asked the skunk.

"Ah! Yes. You're one such hairy, smell...

You hear about the paddy wagon that collided with cement mixer Ed?

12 hardened criminals escaped.

After I stole the priceless statue and turned the corner, I collided into the female security guard's chest...

...It was a huge bust.

Did you hear about the truck full of sugar that collided with the truck full of strawberries?

Created one hell of a jam.

LeBron James yelled "F&%@# YOU!" as he collided with the opponent while driving to the hoop with the ball. However the opponent had both feet planted.

The refs found the foul to be offensive.

Chuck Norris once went skydiving without a parachute...

The place where he collided with the earth is now known as the Marriana's trench.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old guy and a young guy were pushing their carts at Home Depot

When they collided. The old guy says to the young guy. “Sorry about that. I’m looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.”


The young guy says, “That’s okay. It’s a coincidence. I’m looking for my wife, too. I can’t find her and I’m getting a bit an...

Lost on the back roads in Vermont

Lost on back roads in Vermont, a tourist collided with a local man at an intersection. He and the local got out to examine their bent fenders.

"Well, don't look like much," observed the local. "Whyn't we just take a little pull to steady our nerves." He grabbed a jug from his battered pickup,...

A person goes for a job interview

The interviewer says: "your resume lists just a single employer?"

The person says: "yes, I was a switchman for the railroad. I got fired when I forgot to switch the tracks and two passenger trains collided."

The interviewer says: "OMG, you had *one* job!"

The person says: "yes, ...

I hit a huge milestone!!

I finally bought a car!

Then I drove about 1.6km and collided into a huge boulder.

Early last February this year, I learned that National Grammar Day is celebrated on March 4th; I was looking forward to celebrating with some friends of mine in Toledo, Ohio...

...I made the trip from Nevada by car; it was a wonderful celebration. My friends Jerry, Susan, and Cynthia organized a wonderful event consisting of a host of grammar related activities: proof-reading, sentence structuring, and more.

Susan also turned out to be a wonderful cook; she prepared...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two liars went for a swim.

Now these two were a dad and his son. The dad climbed a boulder and proceeded to dive into the water. He got his foot stuck between some rocks and struggled to release his feet for around 2 minutes before swimming back to the surface.

Son: You were under for quite a while there. What happene...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bricklayer has an accident at work and is being investigated, as the insurance company doesn't believe his injuries are real. They demand that he send them a description of the accident.

So he writes:

"I'm a bricklayer by trade. I had finished building the guard rail on the roof of the building. I use a barrel and pulley system to raise supplies up to the roof, and loaded the barrel up with the leftover bricks and my tools, weighing approximately 300 lbs, and then went below ...

I'm the captain now...

I work for a large shipping company. While in international waters, a small boat collided with our giant ship. Next thing we know, we're over run with armed people. I saw one in the captains quarters and they were talking. The captain shook his head no and pointed to a sign. The armed men calmly got...

BREAKING NEWS!

Two tanker ships collided and sank in the southern Pacific Ocean yesterday. One was filled with red paint and the other, smaller tanker, was filled with blue paint. All crew members survived but now are marooned on an uninhabited island.

(Thanks to The Two Ronnies for this oldie)

A red ship and a blue ship...

A Red ship and a Blue ship were sailing towards each other at full speed in the middle of the ocean and collided resulting in a horrible mess. What happened to the sailors?

...they were Marooned.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bear , Rabbit & Genie

One afternoon, a bear was chasing a rabbit through the woods. As the rabbit dove through a bush in an attempt to escape, he collided with an old dusty genie lamp. This tripped him up, which in turn tripped up the bear, and the both of them tumbled down a small hill along with the lamp, which promptl...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three surgeons are chatting.

They start talking about which one of the three is the best at surgeries.

One said,

"I once performed a surgery on a man who lost all ten of his fingers. I put them all back on, and now he can play the hardest songs on the piano perfectly."

Then another said,

"Wow, that's...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In Memory of Ronnie Corbett

Here's some of his best jokes

- A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston by-pass. Motorists are asked to be on the look-out for 16 hardened criminals.

- We will be talking to an out of work contortionist who says he can no longer make ends meet.

- A man was maro...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.