A cement mixer has collided with a prison van.

Motorists are asked to look out for 16 hardened criminals.

Wife crashed the car again today. She told the police the man she collided with was on his mobile phone and drinking a can of beer.

Police said he can do what he likes in his own living room.

What did the fish yell as it collided with a wall mid-swim?

DAMN!

A ship carrying red paint ­collided with another one carrying purple paint.

Both crews are said to be marooned

I saw on the news that a truck carrying almonds collided with another truck carrying glitter.

Apparently the road was covered with with almonds and glitter.

And I thought, "That's pretty nuts"

Did you hear about the cheese trucks that collided in France?

The only thing left at the scene was debrie

The lady who had crashed her SUV complained to the Police that the man she collided with was on his mobile and drinking beer from a bottle at the time.

The Police said that the gentleman was entitled to do what ever he wanted in his own garden!

What did the black holes say when they collided?

Nothing, they just waved.

(Sorry)

After I stole the priceless statue and turned the corner, I collided into the female security guard's chest...

...It was a huge bust.

You hear about the paddy wagon that collided with cement mixer Ed?

12 hardened criminals escaped.

Two bicyclists collided in India...

Ten thousand people died.

Did you hear about the truck full of sugar that collided with the truck full of strawberries?

Created one hell of a jam.

A person goes for a job interview

The interviewer says: "your resume lists just a single employer?"

The person says: "yes, I was a switchman for the railroad. I got fired when I forgot to switch the tracks and two passenger trains collided."

The interviewer says: "OMG, you had *one* job!"

The person says: "yes, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old guy and a young guy were pushing their carts at Home Depot

When they collided. The old guy says to the young guy. “Sorry about that. I’m looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.”


The young guy says, “That’s okay. It’s a coincidence. I’m looking for my wife, too. I can’t find her and I’m getting a bit an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two liars went for a swim.

Now these two were a dad and his son. The dad climbed a boulder and proceeded to dive into the water. He got his foot stuck between some rocks and struggled to release his feet for around 2 minutes before swimming back to the surface.

Son: You were under for quite a while there. What happene...

BREAKING NEWS!

Two tanker ships collided and sank in the southern Pacific Ocean yesterday. One was filled with red paint and the other, smaller tanker, was filled with blue paint. All crew members survived but now are marooned on an uninhabited island.

(Thanks to The Two Ronnies for this oldie)

Three sailors are at their posts in a submarine.

The sub is cruising underwater, and all is well. One man is at the sonar, one by the periscope, while the captain minds his own duties. Suddenly the fellow on the sonar tries to speak up, surprised. He's cut off by an impact against the sub, a shudder and groan, and then a chilling howl. No one has ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bear , Rabbit & Genie

One afternoon, a bear was chasing a rabbit through the woods. As the rabbit dove through a bush in an attempt to escape, he collided with an old dusty genie lamp. This tripped him up, which in turn tripped up the bear, and the both of them tumbled down a small hill along with the lamp, which promptl...

Tim the Conductor

Once upon a time there was a train conductor named Tim. Tim greatly enjoyed conducting his train around every day, and even though he had relatively poor pay, all was well in Tim's world. There was only one issue; Tim was a flat out *awful* conductor. He reduced the overall efficiency of all of the ...

A red ship and a blue ship...

A Red ship and a Blue ship were sailing towards each other at full speed in the middle of the ocean and collided resulting in a horrible mess. What happened to the sailors?

...they were Marooned.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In Memory of Ronnie Corbett

Here's some of his best jokes

- A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston by-pass. Motorists are asked to be on the look-out for 16 hardened criminals.

- We will be talking to an out of work contortionist who says he can no longer make ends meet.

- A man was maro...

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