‌‌I wa‌‌s crossin‌‌g th‌‌e stree‌‌t whe‌‌n ‌‌I suddenl‌‌y notice‌‌d m‌‌y e‌‌x gettin‌‌g ru‌‌n ove‌‌r b‌‌y ‌‌a bus‌‌. ‌‌I though‌‌t t‌‌o myself‌‌, "Wow‌‌! Tha‌‌t coul‌‌d hav‌‌e bee‌‌n me!"

The‌‌n ‌‌I remembere‌‌d ‌‌I can’‌‌t driv‌‌e ‌‌a bus :(

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A bus full of Nuns falls off a cliff and they all die.

They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them "Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all through the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question. Please form a single-file line." And they do so. St. Peter turns to ...

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10 Catholic school girls are on a bus when they are hit by train and immediately sent to the pearly gates...

St. Peter awaits them ready to speak to each lady to determine if they are worthy of entering into heaven. He asks the first girl,

"So Marie, have you ever touched a man's genitals?" Marie says, "Well I once touched the tip with my finger." Peter tells Marie to dip her finger into the pool...

A woman gets on a bus with her baby.

The driver says, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen." Stunned, the woman sits down and complains to the man next to her. "I can't believe that rude driver! He was so insulting to me! I have half I mind to tell him off!" The man replies, "You should. Let him have it. Here, I'll hold your monkey ...

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Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident

When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they’re all priests and immediately says "If any of you are paedophile, there’s no point waiting here. Just fuck off straight to hell!"

Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away.

St. Peter call...

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A 60 year old man was starting at a 17 year old teen, particularly his hair, on the bus.

The boy, who had just coloured his hair various shades started feeling uncomfortable by the old man's gaze.

Unable to take it anymore, the boy shouted - "What is it old man? Can't stomach when people do wild things?"

The old man replied - "I once fucked a peacock when I was a teen. Wo...

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#929: A husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their 9 children.

A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.

So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man a...

What's the difference between a school bus and a cactus?

A cactus keeps the little pricks on the outside.

Yesterday I gave up my seat on the bus to a blind person

Today I lost my job as a bus driver.

A little boy gets on the public bus and sits right behind the bus driver. The boy keeps repeatedly saying," If my mom was a cow and my dad was a bull, I'd be a little calf.…"

"If my mom was a hen and my dad was a chicken, I'd be a little chick. If my mom was a deer and my dad was a buck, I'd be a little deer. If my mom was a duck and my dad was a goose, I'd be a little duckling."

The bus annoyed bus driver stops the bus and turns to the boy saying, "What if your m...

A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out.

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time." Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?" ...

A bus load of Senior citizens were traveling to a casino. Halfway into the trip, a little old lady walked up to the front of the bus and told the driver they had a pervert on the bus.

The driver told her he would check it out at the Casino. So she went back to her seat and sat down. Five minutes later a second little old lady walked to the front of the bus and told the driver they had a pervert on the bus ... Since this was the second complaint in five minutes, he thought he had ...

I was sitting on a bus with a friend and he told me this joke...

What do you do if you see an Epileptic having a fit in the bath?

Throw in your laundry.

The guy behind us leaned over and said "I think that's disgusting. My son died in the bath whilst having a fit."

We both went white and apologised. The guy got up to get off and said, "he c...

A Scotsman, carrying a huge suitcase, has been riding a London bus for five miles along its route, all the while attempting to avoid the ticket collector. Finally, the conductor manages to corner him and tells him to pay up.

"You've been on for five miles--that'll be 50p, please, and 10p for your suitcase." The Scotsman responds, "I ha'not, I want a ha'penny fare, just got on this vera moment."

They begin to argue, and the ticket collector becomes more and more enraged, and finally, as the bus is passing over Lon...

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A guy was waiting at the bus stop for the bus, when a beautifull girl shows up...

She has the most beautiful tits that the has ever seen, and immediatly he goes crazy...

After 5 minutes looking at her, he can't resist and go talk to her:

\- I am really sorry... But i am in love with your beautiful breasts... If i give you $200,000 would you let me bite your boobs?...

A girl with tight skirt tries to get on a bus....

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarras...

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A passenger taps a taxi drivers on his shoulder. The driver shits himself with shock, swerves nearly hitting a bus and stops inches from a shop window.

"Fuck me, you’re jumpy aren't you, I only tapped your shoulder" says the passenger.

"Sorry," says the cabby, "It's my first day. I've been driving a Hearse for 20 years."

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Masturbation is perfectly normal and healthy. It releases dopamine and reduces stress. Improves prostate gland and cardiovascular health.

Still got thrown off the bus.

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus.

She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.
She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.
The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, she had the man arrested.
The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 2...

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A big trip to the mountains with married women and their mothers-in-law was organized. They would go there by separate busses (the women in one bus and the mothers-in-law in another).

During the trip to the mountains, the bus carrying the mothers-in-law had a flat tire. Suddenly the bus driver lost control and the bus fell off the mountain, at least a couple thousand meters downhill. No chance anyone in that bus survived it. Obviously all of the women started cheering up, startin...

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A guy is on the bus and sees a beautiful nun.

Wanting to bang her, he walks up to her and says “wanna bang?“ To which the nun replies “hell no“ and proceeded to get off the bus. Distraught, the man ask the bus driver what to do. The bus driver replied, “well every night she goes to the cemetery and prays, So if you go dressed as God and tell he...

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A woman traveling in the bus needs to pee badly

She asks the driver to stop the bus. He says that they are running late and he can not stop the bus and that she will have to do it some other way.

Keeping everyone's comfort in mind, she decides that she will simply pee out of the window. So she goes to the end of the bus and relieves hersel...

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What is the difference between a dirty bus stop, and a lobster with big tits ?

One is a Crusty Bus station , and the other is a Busty Crustacean.

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Two Italian men get on a bus.

They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come togeth...

An English gentleman was waiting at a bus stop...

...standing next to him was a very attractive woman in a very short dress. A sudden breeze caused her dress to fly up revealing she had no panties on. The English gentleman witnessed this and being a bit flustered said, "Bit airy, isn't it"

The woman replied, "What were you expecting? Feather...

An old grandma brings a bus driver

An old grandma brings a bus driver a bag of peanuts every day.


First the bus driver enjoyed the peanuts but after a week of eating them he asked: "Please granny, don't bring me peanuts anymore. Have them yourself.".


The granny answers: "You know, I don't have teeth anymore....

Policeman: Im very sorry Ma'am, but it looks like your husband got hit by a bus.

Lady: Im aware of that sir, but John has a wonderful personality.

What did the Martian call the human who was ran over by a bus?

A flat earther

What is the other name for a really bad party bus?

A porta party

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I saw my dwarf neighbor at a bus stop

"Jump in, I'll give you a lift home" I said.
"Fuck off" he shouted back.
"What an ungrateful little cunt" I thought as I zipped up my backpack and continued my walk.

Son: dad instead of going home on bus I ran behind it and saved 2 dollars!

Dad: why didn't you run behind a cab? You would have saved 15 dollars!?

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One day a man gets on a bus and sees the most beautiful Muslim woman sitting in one of the seats.

Even with her headscarf he can tell she’s gorgeous. The seat next to her is open so he sits beside her. He decides he has to have her, but can’t think of what to say to her so he asks, “do you want to have sex?”

The woman slaps him and gets off the bus. A few stops later the man goes to get ...

Two blondes are waiting for the bus...

The first one decides to touch up her makeup, so she grabs her lipstick and a small mirror and starts touching up her lips.

"HEY!!", she says surprised, while looking into the mirror. "I know this person!!".

Her friend, startled, looks at her and says "What!? Let me see!".

The f...

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A train hits a bus full of Catholic highschool girls

They all arrive at the pearly gates, waiting in line to enter heaven.

St. Peter asks the first girl, "Mary, have you ever had any contact with a penis?" She giggles and shyly replies, "Well I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger." St. Peter says, "Well, dip the tip of your f...

My Tinder bio says that I have a corner office with views of the entire city, drive a $500,000 vehicle, and that I'm paid to travel.

My dates never seem too happy when I tell them I'm a bus driver.

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What do you call a bus full of influencers driving off a cliff ?

A good fucking start

A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck

When they died, God granted all of them one wish. The first person said, "I want to be gorgeous." God snapped his fingers and it happened. The second person said the same thing and God did the same thing. This went on and on throughout the group. God noticed the last man in line was laughing hysteri...

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A young punker gets on a cross-town bus.

He's got spiked, multi-colored hair that's green, purple and orange. His clothes are a tattered mix of leather rags. His legs are bare and he's without shoes. His entire face and body are riddled with pierced jewelry and his ear-rings are big, bright feathers. He sits down in the only vacant seat, d...

A bus load of blind people were on a day trip and the bus driver starts getting tired...

He says to the blind people, "I'm pretty knackered. I'm going to stop at the next pub for a bite to eat and a drink, what are you all going to do?"

One of them replies, "No worries, we'll have a little game of football." "Football?!" The driver cries, "But you're all blind!"

The blind...

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Yogurt on the bus [NSFW]

On the bus today, I tapped the woman in front of me on the shoulder, and said, "Excuse me, but there's some semen on your sweater."

She said, "Oh, it's probably just yogurt..."

I replied, "Maybe, but I'm pretty sure I don't ejaculate yogurt."

No one is allowed to congregate for funerals; instead, people drive by the cemetery and honk their horns in respect. One man drives by blasting “Another One Bites The Dust”

The family wanted to be mad, but then another car drove by playing the same song, and another one does, and another one does, and another one drives a bus.

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Three Japanese men die in a horrible bus accident and go to the gates of heaven. St. Peter stops them at the gate, eyes them suspiciously and says "Boys, most Japanese practice Shinto or Buddhism. You're actually Christians?"

The three indignantly protest that they were raised in Christian families and have practiced the religion their entire lives. St. Peter says: "Ok, I'm going to ask you one question. If you get the one question correct, you will get to go into heaven." Excited about not going to hell, the three Japan...

Tinder is like being on a bus.

Everyone is on their phones, but no one is talking.

Today was a terrible day. First my ex got hit by a bus.

Then I lost my job as a driver.

An elderly Catholic man is hit by a bus . . .

A bus on a busy street struck a Catholic man.

He was lying near death on the sidewalk as a crowd gathered.

"A priest. Somebody get me a priest!" the man gasped.

Long seconds dragged on but no one stepped out of the crowd.

A policeman checked the crowd and finally yelled, ...

A man was struck by a bus on a busy street.

He knew his injuries were too severe to survive so, being a devout Catholic, he called for a priest to pray for him in his last moments. The surrounding crowd frantically searched the area for a priest, but none could be found. Finally, an elderly Jewish man stepped out of the crowd. “Now I’m not a ...

Weird guy on a bus stop

Weird guy on a bus stop keeps kissing every bus he can find. Going from one bus to another, he caresses them gently and sweet talks them while people keep staring. He doesn't care and keeps doing it.

One of the fresh bystanders realises that it's actually a good friend of his so he quickly ru...

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Last night I was too drunk to drive home from the bar, so I took the bus.

Now my wife wants to know what the fuck a bus is doing in our driveway.

So does this policeman.

People say I'm overreacting about guys rubbing me in the bus, that it's probably just crowded but last time it happened it was just me and him

And he supposed to be driving.

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A bus full of blind people was traveling on the road.

After driving for a long time, the bus driver gets tired and needs to rest. He parks the bus near a cafeteria.

"I'm going to eat lunch and take a rest," the driver says to the blind passengers. "I'll come back in an hour."

"No problem," says one of the blind men. "We'll play soccer whi...

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What did the 3 tampons say to each other at the bus stop?

Nothing, they’re stuck up cunts

What does Usain Bolt do when he misses his bus?

He waits for it at the next stop

A woman stands in a bus station and thinks to herself: "should I go by bus or by taxi?

If I go by taxi, it doesn't matter. If I go by bus, there are 2 options; either I'll sit, or I'll stand. If I stand, it doesn't matter. If I sit, there are 2 options; either I'll sit next to a boy, or I'll sit next to a girl. If I'll sit next to a girl, it doesn't matter. If I sit next to a boy, the...

Bus Stop

2 Mexicans are standing at a bus stop where they usually get picked up for day labor. The first Mexican notices one day that the other just pulled up in a new tricked out car. He went up to the other Mexican and started talking to him.

Mexican 1: Hey amigo, I see you here to get work every da...

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Fifty priests on a tour bus died in a highway accident. long

Saint Peter met them at the pearly gates and said, "To save time, I'm going to ask just one question. Which of you has never had a homosexual relationship? The priests looked up and down and mumbled; eventually they started raising their hands until there were 49 hands in the air. "Okay" St. Pete...

I took the bus home.

Now my face is all over the news.

At a bus stop near the center of town

An elderly woman gets on the bus and takes a seat behind two old Italian friends engaged in conversation.

"How was your night last night, Tony?"

"Ah Giuseppe, it was a a-wonderful night-a a last-a night-a."

" You see, Emma a-come first, then I come a-next. Then our two asses a...

A Bus conductor once commited a very brutal crime and was sentenced to be electrocuted but he survived the electrocution even after multiple unsuccessful attempts

Because he was a bad conductor

A priest is riding on a city bus when...

A priest is riding on a city bus when a drunk gets on and sits next to him. He obviously hasn't had a bath while on this binge. The drunk starts reading a newspaper, then puts it down and says, " Hey, Father, what do you think causes arthritis?". The priest is quite annoyed with this guy, and sharp...

A young boy sat at a bus stop eating a chocolate bar.

When he finished he reached in his pocket, drew out another and ate it too. He then pulled out a 3rd bar and began to unwrap it.

A woman sitting next to him said "all that chocolate will make you fat and ruin your teeth."

The boy replied "My grandfather lived to be 126 years old."
<...

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A man gets hit by a bus, dies and goes to Hell..

Upon his arrival, he is greeted by Satan's secretary who begins to process his paperwork and give him the run down on what it's like for eternity.

Secretary: "Hell really isn't all that bad, buddy. We have themed daily activities to keep our residents occupied. Were you by any chance a drinke...

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A Hippie sits next to a young Nun on the bus and asks her if he could have sex with her?

The Nun, very upset, says “NO! I am married to God!!" and gets off the bus disgusted.

The bus driver sees all this. He tells the hippie “She prays every Tuesday night at midnight in the graveyard...
why don't you dress up in a hooded robe; go to the graveyard and tell her you are God and d...

During Soviet times, an elderly woman was waiting for the bus.

When it finally arrived she exclaimed "Finally, glory to God!" The driver said, "Comrade, you must not say that. You must say 'Glory to comrade Stalin!'." "Excuse me, comrade," the woman replied. "I'm just an ignorant old woman. From now on I'll say what you told me to." After a while, she continue...

To who ever said I should take the bus home from the pub instead of my car,

I was too drunk to drive that as well.

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Yesterday, I caught a disgusting pervert on the bus watching porn

over my shoulder.

What happened to the Blonde who tried to blow up a School Bus?

She burned her lips on the tailpipe.

A man misses the bus...

A man on the way home just misses the bus. He runs after it in the hope to catch it, but ends up running all the way to his home.

There he tells his wife : Honey, I did something great today. I saved 3€ by running after the bus.

She responds: Stupid you. You should have been running a...

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The bus driver, the hippy, and the nun.

A bus driver, a hippy, and a nun are all on the bus as it comes to a stop. As the nun is getting off the hippy says to her “I am going to have sex with you.” The nun replies “like hell you are and leaves.” The buss driver says “do you see that grave site over there?” Hippy replays “yes.” “Well every...

A really annoying loophole

A bus carrying many people crashed on an icy road, burst into flames, and everyone died. Upon arrival in heaven, God said, "Since you have died in a terrible way, I'll grant you one wish before I let you into heaven." The first woman, being a person always concerned on her looks, comes up to God and...

Bus stops are kind of my fetish.

It's just how I get off.

A bus driver was heading down a street. He went right past a stop sign without stopping. Next he turned left where there was a "no-left turn" sign. Finally he went the wrong way down a one-way street. He didn't break any traffic laws. How?

He was walking.

A woman steps in front of a bus and dies instantly.

She finds herself at the pearly gates, being greeted by God himself.



He looks the woman up and down, and says "Hm... Strange. It's not your time! I'm sending you back."

"Sending me back? How long until it IS my time?" she asks.

"Worry not, my child. You have many, many m...

In a bus...

... a grandma looks with interest a girl that has a hieroglyphs tattoo on her neck

Gi: "Hey granny, what are you looking at?"

Gr: "At what is written on your neck, darling."

Gi: "So what? Tattoos haven't existed when you were young?"

Gr: "Babe, we had them to, but... I w...

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Two Italians enter the bus in New York and start very noisy conversation:

" .... 'em come first, then I come, two asses together, I come again, two asses together, then I pee, pee again and I come in the end... "

An old lady nereby can't stand it any longer and says:

" You pigs, what a shame to discuss your disgusting sexual life on public!!!! "

Itali...

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A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.

’About 32,’ is the reply.’

‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.

The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’ The woman replies with a big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50.’

Now she’s...

I love the look on people's faces, standing freezing at the bus stop as I drive past them.

It's partly why I became a bus driver.

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"A considerate man would give up his seat to a lady in my condition," said the pregnant woman on the bus.

"A considerate woman would have fucked a guy with a car," I replied.

Donald Trump is visiting a school

He enters one of the classrooms and asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a tragedy.

One little boy stands up and says, "If my best friend was playing in the street when a car came along and killed him, that would be a tragedy."

"No", says Trump. "That would be an ACC...

An elderly woman goes on a bus

An elderly woman goes on a bus and hands the bus driver peanuts.

A few minutes later the woman hands the bus driver more peanuts.

After the bus driver eats the peanuts he ask why the old woman keeps giving him them.

She responds saying "I don't have any teeth so I can't eat the...

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I said to my wife, "I saw a woman with her tits out on the bus feeding her son."



She said, "It's natural."



"Natural?" I replied, "She was giving him crisps."

Whenever I see a bus with a woman driver, I smile and I think how far the society has gone.

Then waited to take the next one.

Interviewer: What drives you? Candidate: The bus mostly.

Interviewer: I mean what motivates you to get out of bed in the morning?

Candidate: Missing the bus!

3 nuns are travelling in a bus when it crashes...

All of the nuns died instantly, and find themselves standing in front of the Pearly Gates, where St Peter is waiting for them.

He said to the nuns, "Before I can let you in to heaven you each have to answer a question."

To the first nun, St Peter asks "Where did Adam meet the first wo...

A bus full of ugly people crashes

Everyone dies and they all go up to the pearly gates. St. Peter approaches the first person in line.

“My dear. You get one wish before you enter the kingdom of heaven. What is it?

The ugly person replies. “I’ve been ugly my entire life. I’d love to experience what it would be like to ...

TIL that a school bus can only jump over 14 students at a time.

Unrelatedly, I’ve been fired from my job as a bus driver.

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A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde.

A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde.


The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.


Finally, after many side glances from her, he said, "Its golf balls."


Nevertheless, ...

I saw a few nuns at a bus stop...one of them was smoking a cigarette, one of them was wearing a beanie...

You could say they had a couple bad habits.

What's the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who's been run over by a bus?

One's a crustacean, the other's a crushed Asian.

A priest and a bus driver die and approach the pearly gates.

They approach St Peter, who says that the bus driver can get into heaven, but the priest has to go to hell.

'Why do I have to go to hell but the driver can go to heaven?' the priest asks, bewildered. 'I have devoted my whole life to God!'

'Because,' replies St Peter, 'when you read the...

I missed the bus today.

I really shouldn't be this sentimental about public transport.

Two ladies fighting for a seat in a bus. Bus conductor:

The older one should sit here. Both looked at each other and the seat remained empty.

I really love playing my Nintendo Switch on the bus during my commute to work.

Ensures plenty of Mii time.

Three old ladies on a bus bench

Three old ladies are sitting on a bus bench awaiting their bus, when a man in a trench coat runs up in front of them. He whips open his coat. The first old lady has a stroke. The second old lady has a stroke. The third couldn’t reach...

An Englishman, an Irishman, a Scotsman, a priest, a rabbi, a horse, Dave, an infinite number of mathematicians, and the bus driver all walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"

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3 guys are on a bus going to prison. Each of them were allowed to bring 1 item from home.

3 guys are on a bus going to prison. Each of them were allowed to bring 1 item from home.

They're discussing what they are bringing with them to prison. The first guy says "well, I bought a deck of cards. I figure I can play solitaire when I'm bored, I can gamble to make money in there, and l...

What’s yellow and something you shouldn’t drink?

A school bus

The ugly baby

A woman is getting on the bus with her baby in her arms. She's fumbling through her purse looking for the fare when the bus driver looks across and says "Gees lady, that's The Ugliest baby I have ever seen!"
She throws the fare at him and stumbles to the back of the bus in a huff.
"What happe...

I farted in the bus today and four people turned around..

I felt like I was on The Voice.

To the woman who yelled at me for sleeping on the bus: Screw You

Do you realise how exhausting it is driving a bus?

Ten bad Reddit jokes are on a bus...

The bus goes careening off of a cliff, rolls down an embankment and bursts in to flames at the bottom. When rescue crews arrive, they heroically save nine of the jokes. Unfortunately, there was one pun in ten dead.

I make my entire department get the bus to work. It's way more environmentally friendly than those huge gas guzzlers we drive.

Makes it hard to get to the fires on time though.

A bus driver went to pick up some elder ladies

He nodded politely to all of them, then off they went in the misty morning streets. After about 10 minutes, a kindly old grandma walks up to him, fistful of peanuts, and says "You are such a careful driver and a polite young man, here is a gift from the knitters society to you!" The driver politely ...

Man gets on a bus and sits next to a mother with child...

The mother is trying to get her fussy son to breastfeed, she finally gets frustrated and tells the baby, "You better take to the milk, or I'll give it to this man sitting here..."

She tries a few more minutes, the baby is still just very fussy, she tells the baby again, "You need to start soo...

A bus full of ugly people unexpectedly crashes and kills everyone on board

Everyone shows up at the Gates of Heaven where God comes to meet them all Himself. "Gee guys, I didn't intend for that to happen, I'm really sorry. I can't just resurrect you all, but to make up for it I'll grant you all one wish before I let you in." The first person steps up and thinks for a momen...

A tour bus full of noisy Americans arrived at Runnymede, England.

They gathered around the tour guide, who told them that they were standing near the spot where the barons forced King John to sign the Magna Carta. A large man pushed his way through the crowd and asked, "When did that happen?" "1215", the guide answered. "Damn! We missed it by half an hour!", the m...

A conductor kissed a girl on the bus

He was arrested and the police gave him electric shocks but it had no effect.
Because he was a bad conductor.

Sorry guys.

A joke my friend told me when we were in Grade 5.

100 of the ugliest people on a bus, they crash and are all sent to heaven. The angel there felt very sorry for all of them and decides to send them back all with one wish each. The first victim steps up.

“I wish to be the most beautiful person in the world.”

And with a wave of the ange...

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Some asshole on the bus just sneezed in my face

I'm now feeling kinda ill

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I was sitting on the bus, next to this lady when I turned to her and said, "Hey lady, can I smell your feet?" She became offended and replied, "OF COURSE NOT!"

"Then it must be your pussy."

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I saw a fat woman standing at the bus stop.

I asked her when is it due?, she then went into a right rage and said I am not pregnant you ignorant Bastard. I said I was on about the bus you fat cow.

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