Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop...

Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husban...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Last night I was out for a few drinks.

One thing lead to another and I had a few too many cocktails and then went onto the wine. Not a good idea.


Knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave my car at the pub and took a bus home.


Sure enough, I passed a police checkpoint, where they were pulling over drivers...

A bus full of ugly people unexpectedly crashes and kills everyone on board

Everyone shows up at the Gates of Heaven where God comes to meet them all Himself. "Gee guys, I didn't intend for that to happen, I'm really sorry. I can't just resurrect you all, but to make up for it I'll grant you all one wish before I let you in." The first person steps up and thinks for a momen...

In a crowded city at a bus stop, a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt, with matching tight leather boots and jacket...

As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little, think...

A woman steps in front of a bus and dies instantly.

She finds herself at the pearly gates, being greeted by God himself.



He looks the woman up and down, and says "Hm... Strange. It's not your time! I'm sending you back."

"Sending me back? How long until it IS my time?" she asks.

"Worry not, my child. You have many, many m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A LONG ONE( but worth it): One wet, cold morning...

A bus driver was just starting along his route. It was still dark and raining and the temperature hovered just above freezing.

As he approached the first stop on his route he could see some poor soul laying on the bench. He stopped the bus, opened the doors and called out to the soaking wet p...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A train ploughs into the side of a catholic girls school bus.

A train ploughs into the side of a Catholic girls school bus, killing them all. At the gates of heaven, st Peter asks the girls "have any of you ever touched a penis?"

The first girl, Paula, shyly says "I once touched the head of a penis with the tip of my finger." St Peter says "Okay, dip y...

What’s the difference between an old bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?

One’s a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 60 year old man was starting at a 17 year old teen, particularly his hair, on the bus.

The boy, who had just coloured his hair various shades started feeling uncomfortable by the old man's gaze. Unable to take it anymore, the boy shouted - "What is it old man? Can't stomach when people do wild things?"

The old man replied - "I once fucked a peacock when I was a teen. Wondering ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun.

Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun. "Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dr...

Officer: “I’m sorry to say sir, but it looks like your wife was hit by a bus.”

Me: “Yeah, but she’s got a great personality!”

Drunk On A Bus

A very drunk man gets on a bus and stumbles into the seat next to a priest. His tie is stained, his face is covered in lipstick smears and a half full bottle of scotch is sticking out his coat pocket.

He opens his newspaper and starts to read, but after a few minutes turns to the priest and a...

A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops.

On my desk, I have a work station.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde.

A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde.


The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.


Finally, after many side glances from her, he said, "Its golf balls."


Nevertheless, ...

A woman carrying a baby enters a bus

The bus driver turns to her and says “My, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” Frustrated, the woman sits down next to a man. She turns to him and tells him “The bus driver was insulting me!” And the man says “You go tell him off. I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A punk gets onto a bus.

A few seats next to him he sees a young beautiful nun.



After the nun gets off the bus, the bus driver discretely asks the punk: "I saw how you looked at her, she sure is hot, isn't she?"

Punk: "Yes, she is"

Driver: "You would love to fuck her, right?"

Punk: "Sure,...

Two guys are on a bus

They’re having a conversation, and someone one of the guys brings it up that he’s a Canadian ninja.

The other guy goes “huh? I’ve never even heard of Canadian ninjas!”

The first guy responds, “we’re just that good.”

So I was standing at a bus station having a smoke

And I was horrified to see the bus leave the bus station without me....

I could have sworn I put the handbrake on!!!!

A man gets off the prison bus

A man gets arrested and is getting off the prison bus

As soon as he gets inside the walls the biggest inmate in there backs him into a corner

Inmate says "alright, this is going to happen either way, the only choice I'm gonna give you, spit or no spit"

The man, shaking and sweat...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A kid gets on the bus and sits right behind the driver every day.

After getting seated the child would play a game. He would always think of a new animal and say
"if my mommy was a shark and my daddy was a shark, I would be a little shark"
"If my mommy was a lizard and my daddy was a lizard, i would be a little lizard!"

He would keep going until he d...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On the bus...

A man was riding on a busy bus sitting next to a lady when hes asked her, "Can I smell your pussy?"

Outraged, the woman exclaims, "You most certainly CANNOT!"

"Oh, it must be your feet."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A hippie enters the bus...

Upon entering the bus he spots a nun in the back sitting quietly. He comes up to her and says:
.

-Yoo girl wanna have sex ?
.

The nun started screaming and left at the next bus stop. Te bus driver saw that, called the hippie and said
.

-Hey man, I know a way you can ha...

A priest and a permanently drunken bus driver from the same village come to the pearly gates and request entry to heaven.

St. Peter says to the priest " You wait two years," and to the bus driver, " You go straight in."

The priest protests, " How come? I have been preaching every Sunday for so many years - and he is nothing but a drunken bus driver."

St. Peter replies, "Listen, when you preached, they all...

Ran into a friend who went out drinking, said he took a bus....

I asked if he had fun. He said man it is crazy driving a bus while your drunk.

Man gets on a bus and sits next to a mother with child...

The mother is trying to get her fussy son to breastfeed, she finally gets frustrated and tells the baby, "You better take to the milk, or I'll give it to this man sitting here..."

She tries a few more minutes, the baby is still just very fussy, she tells the baby again, "You need to start soo...

I tried wooing a lady at the bus stop the other day...

It didn't work, she obviously wasn't a fan of Ric Flair

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bus full of Nuns falls of a cliff and they all die. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them "Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all through the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question."

Please form a single-file line. And they do so. St. Peter turns to the first Nun in the line and asks her "Sister, have you ever touched a penis?" The Sister Responds "Well... there was this one time... that I kinda sorta... touched one with the tip of my pinky finger..." St. Peter says "Alright Sis...

I was in a crowded bus and it was really hot inside.

I thought that maybe if I broke wind it'll get a little cooler.

Didn't work but at least it's not as crowded.

A Physicist, a Biologist and a Mathematician are standing at a bus stop.

A bus stops and 5 people get in.
As the bus comes around the next time, 6 people get out.
The Physicist comments:
"That's a measuring error."
The biologist says:
"They reproduced on the way."
The mathematician says:
"If one more person gets in, the bus will be empty."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I always masturbate before I leave the house.

That way I last longer when I masturbate on the bus.

What’s the difference between an American school bus and a D-Day Landing Craft? (moderately sensitive)

They wait for you to leave the school bus before opening fire.

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.

He seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.The case came up in court. The Judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.The man replied..."Well your Honor, it was like this: When the l...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is waiting for the bus.

A woman passes him in her car, splashing mud all over him before driving away, laughing.



The next day, the woman's car is broken down on the highway. The man passes her and rolls down his window.

"I'm definitely posting this on Reddit"

"What? Why would you do that?"
<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Little Kid and The Bus Driver

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver.

The little kid starts yelling, " If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull."

The bus driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continued with, "If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elepha...

The Bus

The bus was crowded when the young lady got on, and a soldier attempted to rise.

The lady pushed him back gently, and he tried to stand once more.

"No, no, thank you," she said, pushing him back again.

"Please let me get up, lady," said the soldier. "I'm two blocks past my desti...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident.

When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they’re all priests and immediately says, "If any of you did the wrong things with altar boys, there’s no point waiting here. You might as well go straight to hell right now!”

Nine of the priests turn around and b...

The other day my friend was telling me i didnt know what irony meant

Which was ironic since we were at a bus stop

Edit: thanks for silver gold and front page, it means alot

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A few days ago, I told a lady on the bus she had semen on the back of her shirt.

She told me, "Probably just some yogurt." Maybe I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure I don't ejaculate yogurt.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny gets on the pubic bus and sits right behind the bus driver.

He keeps saying," If my mom was a cow and my dad was a bull, I'd be a calf. If my mom was a hen and my dad was a rooster, I'd be a chick. If my mom was a doe and my dad was a buck, I'd be a fawn."

The annoyed bus driver stops the bus and turns to Little Johnny, saying, "What if your mom was a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some bloke at the bus station hit me with a stick for no reason.

Naturally, I retaliated and beat the living shit out of him.


Just for good measure, I kicked his labrador as well.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old guy is sitting on a bus when a punk rocker gets on...

The punk rocker's mohawk is red, green, yellow and orange. He has feather earrings.

When he sees the old man staring at him, the punk rocker says, "What's the matter old man? Didn't you ever do anything wild when you were a young guy?"

The old guy says in reply "Yeah. One time I scre...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bus full of lunatics broke down.

The driver is walking around the bus checking everything but does not figure out what's wrong. One of the passengers comes to him and says "I know what's broken, I know what's broken!" but the driver ignores him and tells him to go back inside. Local mechanic arrives and checks everything there is t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck..

and everyone inside dies. They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they have experienced, he decides to grant them one wish each before they enter paradise. They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. "I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps his fingers, an...

Today was a terrible day, my Ex got hit by a bus

and I lost my job as a bus driver.

Why did the frog take the bus

His car got toad

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"A teenager jumps into the bus and exclaims 'I've lost my virginity!'"

An old man says "Super! Sit down and tell us about it all."

The boy replies "Nah, my ass is still sore!"

What do you call 10 cucumbers lined up waiting for a bus?

A quecumber

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I saw my dwarf neighbor at a bus stop

"Jump in, I'll give you a lift home" I said.
"Fuck off" he shouted back.
"What an ungrateful little cunt" I thought as I zipped my backpack and continued my walk.

Old lady on the bus

she hands the bus driver some peanuts, to which he says "thank you" and eats them all.

Few moments later she hands him some more peanuts. This time he says "oh no thank you, why don't you eat them". Old lady replies " oh i couldn't possibly do that, I have no teeth you see".

...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lady and her baby got in the bus

The driver says "damn your son is ugly", she starts crying and takes a seat, a man sees her crying and asks what's wrong and she tells him what the driver said. The guy says "damn lady, give me your monkey and go punch that asshole"

An HR manager was knocked down (tragically) by a bus and was killed. Her soul arrived at the Pearly Gates, where St.Peter welcomed her.

“Before you get settled in” he said, “We have a little problem…you see, we’ve never had a HR manager make it this far before and we’re not really sure what to do with you.”

“Oh, I see,” said the woman, “can’t you just let me in?”

“Well, I’d like to,” said St Peter, “But I have higher o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once there was an American bus driver with a terrible habit.

Every time he saw an old lady approach the bus, he’d jingle his bell and vroom away just as they put one foot on the bus, leaving them to die on the pavement. Now, after a few months of him doing this, he was caught and sentenced to death. They put him in the electric chair, booped the button, and n...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Italian men get on a bus.

They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following: 
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together ...

The Tour Bus traveling through northern Nevada passed briefly by the Mustang Ranch, near Sparks.

The guide noted: "We are now passing the largest house of prostitution in America." A male passenger shouted "WHY?!?"

What did the dispatcher say after he received a call about two men sucking each other off on a bus?

I’ve got reports of two men exchanging blows

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

#NSFW #Religion - A porn actor walks into a hair salon

He is seated behind a nun. And struck with her beauty, he tells her:

"I wanna have sex with you."

She turns her head and looks at him with disgust.

"I'm a nun. I can't do those things."

Irritated, she stands and leaves the hair salon.
The barber comes to him and says:<...

I’m trying to think of a joke about waiting for the bus at the wrong bus stop.

But nothing is coming to me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A nun and a rastafarian sit down on a bus

The Rastafarian asks the nun if she’ll go on a date with him and then go back to his place. The nun is disgusted and tells him she sworn to only the lord and leaves

The bus driver tell the Rastafarian that that every night she goes to pray in the church courtyard and could find her there.
...

Two women were fighting bitterly for the last seat on a bus...

The conductor tried to intervene but it was no use.

Finally, from up the front, the driver said, “Just let the ugly one have it!”

Both women remained standing for the rest of the trip.

A suicide bomber managed to kill everyone on the bus that I was on, including myself!

I was blown away.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old lady with a flimsy crutch slowly gets on a full bus but the arrogant, impolite young man next to her does not give his seat.

After the slow embarking scene is complete, finally the doors close and the already impatient driver nervously floors the gas pedal and the bus suddenly accelerates causing the old lady to trip. The young ill-mannered man tilts his sunglasses aside and with an insulting tone addresses the old lady: ...

My chinese friend's grandfather got hit by a bus.

He was lying in his hospital bed when I came to visit him.
I had only entered the room when he began gasping and wheezing.
Worrying that he may be dying ,I quickly went near him and asked if he had any last words.
He then spoke in his native language, after a pause, in a very whispery tone...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One guy sees a beautiful Nun on a bus

He says to her "Hey little girl, wanna have sex"

The Nun turned around her face fuming. "Who do you think you are! I am God's servant!"

Once the bus stopped the nun ran out of the bus, still fuming.

The bus driver heard all of this and called the guy over to him. "Hey that nun g...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An older gentleman was standing at a bus stop, observing a young man with orange, green, and blue spiked hair.

After a few moments, the young man said, "What's the matter, old man, haven't you ever done anything wild?"

The old man smiled and said, "Well, yes. I once had sex with a parrot, and I was wondering if you might be my son..."

I was sitting on a bus with a friend and he told me this joke

What do you do if you see an Epileptic having a fit in the bath? Throw in your laundry. The guy behind us leaned over and said "I think that's disgusting. My son died in the bath whilst having a fit." We both went white and apologised. The guy got up to get off and said, "he choked on a sock."

This St. Patrick's day I drank too much and had to take a bus home.

That may not be a big deal to you, but I've never driven a bus before.

What did the bus driver say to the one-legged man?

Hop on.

A bus full of cheerleaders went off a cliff

Miraculously, all twenty of them managed to grab onto the same branch sticking out of the cliffside. There were nineteen beautiful blondes and one brunette. The brunette saw the branch was starting to break, so she made a decision.

"Listen ladies," she said. "As skinny as we are, this branch ...

I gave up my seat to a blind lady in the bus..

And that's how I lost my job as a bus driver

I said to a Lady at the bus stop, when is it due? She started shouting and swearing, I am not F*cking pregnant.

I replied, I was on about the bus you fat cow..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is sitting in a crowded bus

He farts and it's extremely loud, everyone in the bus looks at him and start laughing

The man then says
"If I knew all of you were gonna laugh I would've taken a shit"

What do bus drivers put on their morning pancakes?

Traffic jam

Whenever i see a woman driving a bus, i smile to myself and think how far we have come in the whole equality thing compared to just a few short years ago

Then i wait for the next bus.

I was on the bus the other day and saw a guy sit down on his glasses.

I guess his hindsight wasn’t 20/20.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two friends are sitting on the bus, discussing smartwatches...

The android user says to the iPhone user, “Samsung make the best android watches”.

And the iPhone user replies, “Apple make the best Apple watches.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] The nun and the pervert

Jeff was on his morning commute when a beautiful young nun walked on. He couldn't help himself and began trying to flirt with the nun, who just sat there in silence and got off at the next stop.

The bus driver overheard Jeff's attempts and decided to let him in on a secret.

"She prays...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a black man that's just been hit by a bus?

An ambulance you racist.

A Priest dies and is waiting in line at heaven's gate.

God to the guy: Who are you? Guy: I am a Thrissur to Kozhikode Bus driver. God: Oh! Take this golden robe and enter the kingdom of heaven.

God to the Priest:Who are you? Priest: I am a Priest. I've spent 35 years preaching good to people. God:Oh!Take this cotton robe and enter the kingdom of ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A quick pint after work turned into a bit of session. I was far too drunk to drive, so I did the sensible thing and took a bus home.

Fuck knows how I managed to park it!

What's the difference between a bus and a genie?

One lives in a depot, and one lives in de pot

At the end of our night my date said she didn't want to walk to the bus stop on her own.

I said, "You won't be on your own. There's a guy behind us in a massive trench coat who's probably going there too."

I was crossing the street when I suddenly noticed my ex getting run over by a bus. I thought to myself, “Wow! That could have been me!”

Then I remembered I can’t drive a bus.

A man is riding on a bus.

Highway patrol pulls the bus over and orders him to get down.

A woman got on a bus, holding a baby...

A woman got on a bus, holding a baby. The bus driver said, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen." In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong. "The bus...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So there is this bus driver...

And every time a pretty girl gets on the bus the driver looks at her and says "tickle your ass with a feather?"

And if the woman responds positively he goes with it. But if she responds negatively he says "particularly nasty weather?"

So there is a homeless man that regularly rides th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A horny lion and a horny mouse

agree to fuck each other.

The lion informs the mouse "I'm the king of the jungle with a reputation to uphold, therefore must do this in hiding and I must go first. " The mouse replies "You're so large, you'll fuck me to death, let me go first then when I'm done you can have your turn". The l...

People say that there is always one wierd person on the bus, but I don't get it.

I travel by bus everyday and I never see any wierd people. Everyone looks normal. It doesn't matter how long I stare at them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Glaswegian is standing in a bus queue eating a meat pie and chips, and this little yappy dog keeps jumping up at him and begging.

So he says to the lady that's got the dog, "Hey there, is it OK if I throw your dog a bit?"

And when she says "Yes," he picks the dog up by the scruff and yeets the fucker thirty yards up the street.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two nuns stand by the road, holding a sign..

"The way you've taken is wrong, stop and turn back now, before it's too late!"

The next busy driver, who looks at the inscription, shows a sparse finger and disappears behind the curve. A second later a loud crash is heard.

One of the nuns thoughtfully says,

-Sister, shall we ju...

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.

She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.

She repeats this gesture about five more times.
When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little...

Four strangers find themselves chatting on a bus ride away from New York City

They talk for a while about who they are and why they’re leaving the city. There’s a loud and charming man looking for a new start away from the big city, a contortionist tired of all the hustle and bustle, a quiet girl who gave no explanation on her past, and a woman pregnant with triplets trying t...

Atheist Bus Driver

(Turkish Joke, couldn't find it on Reddit, hopefully the translation does justice)

So I met a guy in jail whose nickname was "Atheist". I finally asked him why everyone called him this way; so he started telling his story:

"Well, I was a bus driver in our village. One day while driving...

A man and a woman are riding a bus.

The woman looks over and notices the man's fly is open.

She tells him, "Sir, your store is open."

The man promptly zips his fly.

After a few moments he asks, "Did you happen to see the store's owner?"

The woman replies, "No, but I saw a drunk stocker laying on two sacks...

I ran behind the bus and finally able to catch it. I approached the bus driver and said

"Is this bus your mom?"
He: No

"your wife"
He: No

"Sister"
He: No

"Then why the hell you won't allowing me to ride?

A bus driver is on court for murdering 31 people

A bus driver is on court and being judged for running over 31 people with a bus. The judge asks the driver to explain what has happened from his vision and the following is his response.


Driver: I was driving the bus casually as I do every shift. I was going on the same route when I start...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of nuns got hit by a bus and died.

On heavens gate, st. Peter stopped them and told them to get in line and said: "Sisters, wash your sins away in this bowl of holy water, and you can step into heaven!"

First nun:"st.Peter, i've sinned. I once saw a penis."

St.Peter:"Then wash your eyes, and go in, sister!"

Secon...

The complex mathematics of the bus driver

Imagine yourself being a bus driver.

At stop number 1, you get 10 passengers.

At stop number 2, you get 3 passengers.

At stop number 3, 4 passengers get off, 2 male 1 female.

At stop number 4, 11 passengers got on.

At stop number 5, 6 passengers get off, 2 kids, 4...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.