Where do you take someone who has been injured in a Peak-A-Boo accident?

To the I-C-U

What do you call it when two Nissan Cubes get into an accident?

A wreck-tangle.

A farmer named Paddy had a car accident. He was hit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company. In court, the Eversweet Company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Paddy.

'Didn't you say to the police at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?' asked the solicitor.
Paddy responded: 'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I'd just loaded my fav'rit cow, Bessie, into da... '

'I didn't ask for any details', the solicitor interrupted. 'Just answer the question. Did...

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Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident

When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they’re all priests and immediately says "If any of you are paedophile, there’s no point waiting here. Just fuck off straight to hell!"

Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away.

St. Peter call...

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident.

The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they began to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has a...

Three little old nuns are attending a church service in Rome when, in a freak accident, a giant crucifix falls from the old plaster wall and kills them.

When they arrive at the Pearly Gates Saint Peter says, "I'm SO sorry, Sisters, that was a freak accident and wasn't supposed to happen.

"Unfortunately, your Earthy bodies were too horribly mangled for us to just send your souls back, but we *do* have a protocol for cases like yours.

"W...

The day after a man lost his wife in a scuba diving accident, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen at his door.

“We’re sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife.”

“Well, tell me!” the man said.

The policeman said: “We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?”

Fearing the worst, Mr. Wi...

A driver was arrested after a deadly accident...

Policeman: How could you kill 49 people? What the Hell is wrong with you?

Driver: I was driving at 80 km/h when I saw two men crossing the Road. On the road side, there was a wedding party. I wanted to apply the Breaks, but then I realised they were not working. So, I had to take a decision; ...

Breaking News: Local Kindergarten reports major Peek-a-Boo accident.

All involved were rushed to the ICU

I accidently sprayed deodorant in my mouth today

Now when I talk I have this weird axe scent

My buddy Luigi lost his hands in a work accident

Now he can no longer speak italian

A photographer was killed in a freak accident today.

When trying to take a group photo, a giant wheel of cheddar rolled over and crushed him.

Witnesses said people did try to warn him.

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A married couple is in a terrible accident and the woman’s face is severely burned.

The doctor tells the husband that they can’t graft any skin from her body because she is so skinny. So, the husband decides to donate some of his own skin for the operation.

However, the doctor finds that the only suitable place to take the skin is from his ass. The husband requests that no ...

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A man who killed 16 people in a car accident is in the court

The judge asks him to tell exactly what happened. The guy starts calmly.

\- Well, I was driving my truck down the road but my brakes failed. In front of me there were two choices: On the left there was an old guy who was crossing the road and on the right there was a crowded bus stop. So i de...

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After a horrible accident, I woke up in the hospital with a sexy nurse standing over me. She explained to me sympatheticly, “You may not feel anything from the waist down.” I nodded and groaned, "I understand."

So I felt her breasts…

Doctor: Your brain fell out after your accident, but we managed to put it back in.

Me: Thanks for reminding me.

Three men die in a car accident and go to heaven (repost with correct grammar)

They are received in heaven by St Francis who says, "As you can see, there're a lot of ducks on the floor. If you step on one, you will be forced to live with an ugly woman for the rest of eternity." The men agree.


Five minutes later, the first man accidentally steps on a duck, so an ang...

I had a friend who lost a toe in an accident.

We aren't friends any more, I'm extremely lack toes intolerant.

A man was in a terrible accident, and his wife asked for his prognosis

Well, Mrs. Smith, your husband went into a short period of suspended animation.



Oh my God! He went into a Coma?



No, it was for only a few seconds. I'd call it more of a comma.

My friend in Alabama lost his Mom, his Sister, and his Wife in a car accident.

He really loved that woman.

A man lost his tongue in an accident. He was most upset that he could no longer enjoy his food, so he searched for a surgeon that would do a transplant. Finally he found an organ doner and paid $25k for the procedure...

...later, he had to admit that the new tongue wasn't the same as before, but still it was an acquired taste.

A friend of mine had a tragic accident last year and lost the entire left side of his body

It’s okay tho, he’s all right now

A doctor, a teacher and a comedian die in a car accident.

Fortunately, they all got in to heaven and are given an orientation. They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and your friends and family are talking about you, what would you like them to say?"

The doctor says "I would like them to say that I was a great doctor and a wonderful family...

You cannot sue a Slipper making company for an accident.

Apparently 'slipper' isn't a noun, but an adjective in this case.

My uncle had car accident...

He cracked his ribs, broke left leg and got his front teeth smashed in the accident.

He was in a hospital for couple of weeks and during rounds he would always offer his doctor some hazelnuts.

Doctor liked him and would engage in friendly chat and chew some hazelnuts. After some days d...

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By tightly securing our Nuclear Arsenal through human, digital, mechanical and chemical means, we've been able to almost completely eliminate the risk of nuclear warhead explosions due to accidents or hostile attacks, however if these past four years have taught us something ...

... it's that we also need to equip our nukes with child locks.

Pun enters a room, kills 10 people

Pun in, 10 dead

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Where did the carpenter go when his co-worker cut his dick off in an accident?

Small claims court

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A week before the wedding the groom had penis accident

So doctor told him that he has to put bandage on it for at least 1 week exactly

Guy started to worry how's he going to explain to his wife-to-be what happened so he decided to come up with something

When their first night together came his wife said

"Do you see my boobs? No one ...

Husband and wife had a car accident

Ambulance was called and they both end up im hospital. After some time husband regains consciousness and starts looking for his wife around the hospital. He finds a doktor and asks him:

"Doctor, please, me and my wife had an accident and I cant find her. Can you help me? Is she alright?"
...

A man and a woman were driving on their way to their wedding when they got in an accident and were both killed instantly.

Now they're both up at the pearly gates, and they say to St. Peter, "We were just about to get married, do you think we can have our wedding in heaven?" St. Peter says, "I don't know, wait here and I'll go find a priest and ask him." So the couple is sitting there on a bench, waiting and waiting for...

They say kids in the backseat cause accidents...

But accidents in the backseat are more likely to cause kids.

What do you call a boating accident in South-East Asia?

The Thaitanic

My ex got into a bad accident recently.

I told the medics the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like.

Did you hear that Matthew McConaughey lost his left hand in a motorcycle accident?

Now he's allright, allright, allright.

3 Nuns were involved in a motor accident.

3 Nuns were involved in a motor accident. They died and went to heaven. At st. Peters gate, they were told it wasn't their time to die, so they will be sent back to earth. As a reward for their good earthly deeds they will allowed to go back to earth as whom they want regardless of timeline.
1st ...

A boy knocks his father down the stairs in a freak accident.

The father breaks his neck and dies, leaving his son to mourn for days. However, one night, the boy wakes up to see an apparition of his father before him. All at once, he breaks down crying, and screams out, "I'm sorry!"

His father responds, "Hi Sorry, I'm dead!"

We lost our Dad yesterday. He bled out after a terrible accident. The paramedics asked if we knew his blood type, but we didn't.

As he died he whispered "Be Positive" but it sure is gonna be tough without him.

A kid gets in a car accident

He is rushed to the emergency room and he gets a 3 hour operation. When his parents get to the hospital they ask the doctor if he's going to be okay. "I have some good news and bad news" the doctor says. "What's the good news?" the mother asks. "The good news is your son will be able to park whereve...

A man said to me “I lost my eye in an accident last year”,

So I replied, “that really must change how you see the world”.

What do you call a deer who has lost both eyes in a hunting accident?

No eye deer

The biker gang is visiting one of their members in the hospital after his accident.

"How did you even crash?!"

"Well, it was late at night, and I was a bit buzzed, and I saw a pair of idiots riding on either side of the road. Thought I would just slip past between them and be fine."

"And?"

"It was a car."

what does a fatal accident prone clown do

he puts the laughter in manslaughter

My buddy's wife left him after he lost his feet in a car accident.

Turned out she was lack toes intolerant.

A snail witnessed two turtles collide and have an accident. He was asked what he saw....

He said, "I'm not sure, it all happened so fast."

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[dirty one] One day this carpenter had a accident at work where he lost his arm.

Luckily his brother worked with robotics.. and gave him a voice response robotic arm to help him out.

After a few week the carpenter went back to work and began with simple commands.

*'Hammer!' The arm reacted and started hammering nails never missing a nail.*

*'Saw!' The arm re...

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A man was in a horrible car accident

A man wakes up in the ICU with a nurse standing over him. He has tubes in his nose, needles and IV drips in both arms, a breathing mask, wires monitoring every function, and he's in terrible pain.
He asks the nurse "What happened?".
The nurse give him a serious, deep look, straight into his ey...

Ole and Sven die in a snowmobiling accident, and go to Hell.

Ole and Sven die in a snowmobiling accident, drunker than skunks, And go to Hell. The Devil observes that they are really enjoying themselves. He says to them 'Doesnt the heat and smoke bother you?' Ole replies, 'Vell, ya know, ve're from nordern Minnesooota, da land of snow an ice, an ve're yust ha...

A doctor was telling a colleague about a patient who had come in from a terrible car accident.

"They were losing a lot of blood and had to be operated on right away. The other passengers from the accident came in with them, but were mostly unharmed. As I saw to the patient, a nurse got information from the others involved in the accident, apparently a brother and sister, Augustus and Beatrice...

I knew two dudes that died in a waterskiing accident.

They shared a wake.

What's the first thing that goes through your head, when you find yourself in a car accident without a seat belt?

The windshield

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident...

an Irish man answered his door to find a grim-faced constable waiting in the front yard.  "We're sorry, Mr. O' Flynn, but we have some information about your dear wife, Maureen" said the officer.

"Tell me! Did you find her?" Michael Patrick O'Flynn asked. The constable said, "I have some bad...

A biker got into a terrible accident

He had been hit by a car and soon people rushed over to his side. It was crazy that the whole time he told everyone to look on the bright side, even though he was bleeding everywhere.

It wasn’t too long before people kept asking him for his blood type so that the medics would know, but the on...

So i was watching p*rn last night and accidently pressed cast to tv, it found a samsung tv and started steaming...

I dont have a samsung tv in my house.

Accident

I was reading about this guy who was in an accident at work. Apparently he lost his left leg and left arm in machine on the factory floor.

After spending eight weeks in the hospital he’s now all right.

People always tell me that I’m prone to accidents

I think I got it from my parents, they had 3 children before getting married

(i don’t thing it’s nsfw but tell me if it is)

A man wakes up in hospital after an accident. The Dr says, " Sir, I have some good news and some bad news, which would you like first? "

The man says, "Give me the bad news".
Dr - " I'm afraid we've had to amputate both of your legs".
Man - " Oh my gosh, what's the good news?"
Dr- " The man in that bed wants to buy your shoes."

Three men die together in an accident and are sent to hell...

Two of the men are quite tall and lean, and the other man is a very short, fat guy.

The devil welcomes them to hell. He tells the three men that they have a chance to redeem their souls and go to heaven. If one of them men can find something the devil can't catch, he will let all three asce...

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A man that works in a pickle factory walked into his local pub after work wearing a hospital wristband. "Did you have an accident at work today?" the barkeep asked. "Yes, I put my penis in the pickle slicer," the man replied...

"Her husband caught us"

A black guy loses a middle finger in a work accident.

The surgeon tells him: "I'm sorry but I cannot attach your original finger due to the damage. However, I can attach one from a dead person. The thing is, I only have fingers from white people available."

The black guy says it's no problem, as long as he can use all fingers again.

Surge...

Two women go to heaven and meet St Peter

He told the two women you can do anything you want here in heaven but please do not step on a duck because they make a terrible noise and racket.

The two women agreed and entered heaven. One day, one of the women accidently stepped on a duck and sure enough it made such a terrible noise and ...

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Four nuns are killed in a car accident and find themselves outside the gates of heaven.

God greets them at the gates and informs them that as they have devoted their life to his service, they get an automatic pass into heaven.

He does require however, for them to confess if they have ever touched a man on the penis before they enter.

All of the nuns start giggling. God a...

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A woman who is pregnant with triplets (boys) is walking on the street when all of a sudden she gets shot 3 times in the stomach.

Upon arrival at the hospital the doctor tells her she will live and so will the 3 boys. He also tells her surgery isnt necessary to remove the bullets and the bullets will find its way out the natural way.

10 years have passed since the accident .when 1 of the boys runs up to his mom screamin...

A rabbi and a priest get into a car accident

It's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but, amazingly, neither of the clerics is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but we are unhurt. This must be a sign fro...

A few months ago my friend lost three toes in a work accident. Today his wife left him because she said that she couldn’t handle it....

.....I guess she was lack toes intolerant.

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My girlfriend asked me if I had ever peed in the shower. I said "yes, twice, but they were both accidents"

She asked "How on earth could you accidentally pee in the shower?!"

I said "well these things tend to happen >!when you're taking a shit!<"

Asked My Parents if I was an accident

Mom: No, no, why would you think that?

Dad: It was a more of a tragedy, really.

A stand-up comedian got in a car accident and his legs got amputated

He's just a comedian now.

During an accident in the lab, a scientist was cooled to absolute zero.

Don't worry, he's 0K.

There was an accident at a furniture factory last week - a guy fell into the sofa reupholstery machine.

...he is completely recovered now.

An Asian, an European and an American is stranded on an island after surviving a sinking ship accident.

They now want to start a new society, at least until they're rescued.

The American decides to be the minister of building and construction and the European takes the position as the minister of food and cooking.

Left over, the Asian is now pretty disappointed that they can't find any m...

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17% of car accidents are caused by drunk drivers.

That means that 83% are caused by sober drivers.

When will these damn sober jerks get off the road so that our safety can be multiplied by 6?

After the lab accident, Tommy became really rude to people around him.

His friends said that he became a much more toxic person.

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Three Asian men die in a car accident on Easter Sunday.

They find themselves at the pearly gates, where Peter is at his receptionist desk awaiting them.

“Now, here’s the deal,” Peter says to them. “You three were not believers, so you are not allowed in here.” The men glance at each other, beginning to grow pale. “However, since it’s Easter, I’m w...

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Loraina Bobbet died recently in a horrible car Accident

Supposedly some dick cut her off

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A man got into an accident and got third degree burn

The doctors told his wife that only her butt cheek's skin is suitable for a plastic surgery for her husband's burnt face

The wife agreed.

Operation was done and the man look even more handsome than before.

After 1 year past, the husband randomly asked his wife..

Husband: ...

A man in his late twenties was in a car accident... (Long)

The windshield shattered and a piece flew into his eye, blinding him and causing irreparable damage to the eyeball itself. As this man had substantial student loan debt, his doctor could only find one prosthetic eye in his price range and it happened to be made out of wood. To help him deal with thi...

I first met my now-wife during an internship in a superglue factory, we were involved in a spill accident.

It was a real bonding experience.

Accident

A Dutchman is driving in Belgium when he hits a Belgian car. The Belgian whose car he hit was upset, as it was severely dented and the Dutchman was clearly at fault. But the Dutchman, unwilling to pay for the damages, managed to calm him down by explaining to him how to remove the dents: "Just blow ...

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Three Japanese men die in a horrible bus accident and go to the gates of heaven. St. Peter stops them at the gate, eyes them suspiciously and says "Boys, most Japanese practice Shinto or Buddhism. You're actually Christians?"

The three indignantly protest that they were raised in Christian families and have practiced the religion their entire lives. St. Peter says: "Ok, I'm going to ask you one question. If you get the one question correct, you will get to go into heaven." Excited about not going to hell, the three Japan...

One day an atheist was taking a walk through the woods. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself. " And to think they were all created by a cosmic accident" As he was walking alongside the river he suddenly heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.

He turned to see a seven foot grizzly bear charging towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path but he looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him.
Suddenly he tripped and fell to the ground. As he rolled over to pick himself up he saw the bear right on top of him...

Doctor: “There has been a terrible accident. Your wife has died...”

Husband: “But she only just went out to get milk...”

Doctor: “I’m so sorry.”

Husband: “I can’t...” No... No...

“I can’t have coffee without milk, I just can’t.”

A man is involved in a minor car accident and starts screaming and shouting like a baby

A cop approaches the car and says: "Sir, the ambulance is on its way. Your girlfriend has blood on her face, yet she sits there patiently. You appear to be fine, why are you crying so loud?"
The man replies: "Check what's in her mouth!"

When I heard that Kevin Hart was injured in a car accident, I was really worried for my kids.

They use the same brand of booster seat!

Too soon?

EDIT - thank you mysterious benefactor for my first gold!

EDIT 2 - Shout out to u/LethKith who wants me and my whole family to die in a fiery car crash. I hope you have a good day buddy. Try to relax and enjoy the joke for what ...

My girlfriend invited me to meet her parents.

Before we went over, she let me know that her father, Dale, was in a car accident and had his legs amputated at the hips. Apparently, it was a sensitive issue, and I was not to mention it.

When we arrived, her dad greeted us at the door. Not seeing his wife anywhere, I said to him, “Dale, it...

Most accidents happen due to children in the front seat

and most children happen due to accidents in the back seat

The **car** is the cause of em all troubles!

So I was in the supermarket this morning and I had an accident when all the Omega-3 feel on me

I'm ok, the manager assured me my injuries where Super fish oil.

(Not mine) A man wakes up in the hospital after a serious accident.

He cries out "DOCTOR! DOCTOR! I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!"

The doctor replies "I know. I amputated your arms!"

A farmer who is addicted to weed leaves a joint out in the barn by accident

His two cows escape their pens, eat the joint, and run down to the river. Meanwhile, the farmer runs all around town looking for his cows. He asks the baker, the chef, the police officer, and the doctor. He can’t find them anywhere, and is about to give up when an orphan sees him in despair and asks...

I got into an accident and was shocked when the doctor to.d me my fingers were broken.

It was really hard to grasp.

Air Force One crashed in the middle of rural America. Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force. When they got there, the disaster was clear. The aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hull left smouldering in a tree line that bordered a farm.

The sheriff and his men entered the smoking mess but did not find the remains of anyone, including the President. They spotted a lone farmer ploughing a field not too far away as if nothing at all happened. They hurried over to the man's tractor.

"Hank," the sheriff yelled, panting and out of...

A magician was working on a cruise ship out at sea.

The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.

There was only one problem, the captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.

Once he understood he started shoutin...

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I mixed up “Jacuzzi” and “Yakuza” by accident.

Now I’m in hot water with the Japanese Mafia.

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Seven Lessons of Life

**Lesson 1:**

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give y...

Broke my spine in an accident last year. Had a life saving operation to fix my neck which permanently locked my head in place.

Since then I've never looked back.

I met with an accident today

His parents still haven’t told him

My friend was recently blinded in an horrific skiing accident...

So please comment with your best cyclops/pirate/one eyed jokes so I can simultaneously cheer him up & take the p*ss

(This aint a joke)

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Fifty priests on a tour bus died in a highway accident. long

Saint Peter met them at the pearly gates and said, "To save time, I'm going to ask just one question. Which of you has never had a homosexual relationship? The priests looked up and down and mumbled; eventually they started raising their hands until there were 49 hands in the air. "Okay" St. Pete...

In celebration of my very first Cake Day, I'm reposting one of my own jokes:

A truck loaded with Worcestershire sauce is driving through Saskatoon, Saskatchewan when it collides with a Nissan Qashqai.

The truck then careens down the road and hits a car from Massachusetts, injuring the two otorhinolaryngologists inside. One of them, suffering from Schistosomiasis, has ...

My buddy was in a bad motorcycle accident, and while he was hospitalized, he had to have one of his feet amputated...

Once his girlfriend found out about the surgery, she immediately left him. Turns out she was Lack Toes intolerant.

BREAKING: Stevie Wonder suffers major laceration in horrible accident

The wound too big for regular stitches, doctors were forced to use very super stitches

A man calls 911

A man calls 911, frantically telling the operator that there has been a hunting accident.

"My friend tripped and dropped his shotgun. It went off, and he accidentally shot himself. He is bleeding, and I don't know what to do. I think he might be dead."

"Okay", the operator says. "Ple...

Lawyer in a car accident

A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.

“Officer, look what they’ve done to my Beemer!” he whined.

“Y...

I accidently mixed up my letters and numbers today.

I felt like a P year old

I was in a car accident

wasn't my fault the driver in front car stalled, as we were both getting out of our cars I realized he was a dwarf. He walked over to assess the damage, shuck his head and said, I'm not happy, to which I replied well then which one are you?

I got into a car accident with a little person.

He got out and said "I'm not happy"

I said "Well which one are you then ?"

I accidently swallowed some scrabble tiles.

My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.

I once lost my hands in an accident

The entire incident was horrendous. The mental trauma alone was incredibly difficult to battle through. It took me 8 months of therapy to get moving again. Once I was back home from all the therapy I noticed my computer at home was not working all that well. It was midly infuriating at first but the...

Did you hear about Meghan Markle's tragic car accident?

I think it's next month.

A redittor has a lethal accident, in their final moments their whole life flashes before their eyes...

Their last thought... "Repost"

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Me to Doctor: I've hurt my penis in a surfing accident. Doctor: Did you fall off your board?

Me:

No I slammed my laptop shut when the Wife walked in.

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A guy has lost his eye in an accident

He can't afford to get a glass eye, so his doctor says,

"Well, I have an old wooden eye I could put in. I could paint it to look like the other one."

The man agrees and lets the doctor implant the wooden eye.

Later, he decides to "test" his new eye and goes to a club.

He ...

What's black and white and red all over?

* Classic answer: A newspaper.
* Children's answer: A zebra with a suntan.
* Holiday answer: Santa at the bottom of the chimney.
* Religious answer: An priest realizing that he really is wearing a dress.
* Appalling answer: An interracial couple in an automobile accident.

When you pull a push door by accident and someone says "you have to push"

Thanks for that, because my next plan was to start lifting from the bottom.

The other day I got into an accident with a garbage truck.

It was such a waste of time.

A dumb joke I thought of a couple weeks ago.

A truck carrying cows and a truck carrying cannabis get into a car accident. Neither party can agree on who’s fault the accident was, so they hire a detective. This is the detective’s first day on the job and his boss tells him, “If you can solve this case you get a promotion, however if you fail yo...

Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe..

Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe... as it happens, near Transylvania . They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It was late and raining very hard. Bob could barely see the road in front of the car. Suddenly the car skids out of control! Bob attempt...

A truck driver carrying 6 penguins got into an accident

A car driver stop by and ask if everybody is alright.

The truck driver says to the car driver if he could help and take the 6 penguins to the Zoo for him, while he fixes his truck. The car driver more than happy to help, takes the 6 penguins and leave.

Few days later, the t...

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These three guys die together in a tragic accident and they all go to heaven

When they get there, St. Peter greets them and tells them, "We only have one rule here in heaven. Don't step on the ducks."

So, they enter heaven and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place.

It's almost impossible not to step on a duck there's so many, and though they try their...

Tragic Accident

Three guys die in a car accident and go to heaven.

When they arrive, St. John says, "We have one rule in heaven: no stepping on the ducks!"

But it's nearly impossible to avoid stepping on ducks, as they are everywhere. The first guy steps on a duck, and St. John comes running over and...

Why did the software engineer get into a car accident?

He wasn't able to C: Drive

The President visits a school

The President was visiting a school, and in one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a tragedy. One little boy stands up and offers that, "If my best friend who lives next door is playing in the street when a car came by and killed him, that would be a tragedy."

"N...

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A man is at work when he receives a call from the hospital informing him that his wife's been in an accident.

He rushes to the emergency room where he's met by the doctor. They sit down in the waiting room and the doctor, with a very solemn look on his face, says:


"Sir, I have very bad news. We did all we could. Right now she's in a vegetative state, which is likely where she'll remain for the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The wooden eye and the hunch back

A very handsome man gets into a terrible car accident....
The doctors save his life, but he loses one eye. Before a nice glass one can be fitted, he is temporarily given a wooden eye.

The man becomes very depressed because of his eye loss and sits at home, moping around. Eventually his fri...

A local judge got fired after losing his gavel arm in a car accident.

They said he had no Right to pass judgment.

Children in the back seats of cars create accidents

Although its only natural as accidents in the back seats of cars create children

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