Lorry Jokes

Luckily the injuries were super fish oil

Police are combing the area for clues.

Instead of helping clear up the accident cars drove through the mess and the jam was getting thicker!

It turned out to be sodium chloride, poor driver got arrested for a-salt.

The cow says "mooooooooove over"

The chicken says "fkaaaf"

Don't worry though, it was just boxes of Vicks vapour rub....


There was no congestion at all.

Or as the police called it, "stalking my ex".

Now he's the man-da-lorry-in

A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and it's been confirmed the problem was not Bird Flu.

The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts, however, during analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws.

By analysing... read more

Paddy said, 'I gonna do that when I win da lottery.'

'What's dat,' says his mate.

'Send me lawn away to be cut.'

What a turtle disaster.

Through gritted teeth

All the guests tried frantically to warn him, but to no avail.

Police have said there will be no congestion for eight hours.

There were cues for miles

A man is crossing a busy road when he's hit by a red lorry, yellow lorry, red lorry, yellow lorry, red lorry, yellow lorry, red Lorry, yellow lorry, red lorry, yellow lorry and finally another red lorry.

Later that day a younge police officer knocks on the door of the man's wife to inform h... read more

when his lorry breaks down on the motorway. The driver gets out of the cab and is looking at the engine when a second lorry driver stops in front of him and asks if he needs help. The penguins' driver explains that he is taking the penguins to the zoo and asks if the other man would 
take the pen... read more

He was run over by a red lorry. Then a yellow lorry, then a red lorry, then a yellow lorry

The Police have said, there will be no congestion for at least 12hrs.

Dracula is walking down the street one fine evening when a speeding lorry carrying mini sausage rolls, sandwiches, a variety of salads, dressed salmon, quiches and cold meats loses control, overturns and spills all that food. All this wreckage hits Dracula and with his dying breath he curses buffet ... read more

The teacher says to Bob "Make sure your mum comes with you into class tomorrow" *the next day* The teacher asks "Where's your mum Bob?" "She got hit by a lorry" replied Bob. "Okay, bring your dad in tomorrow *the next day* The teacher asks "Where's your dad Bob?" Bob replies with " He was hit by a l... read more

then a yellow lorry, then a red lorry, then a yellow lorry.

When the policeman informed his family he said
"There's no easy way to say this"...

All of a sudden a lorry approached at a very high speed.

One says to the other I think I am a gonorrhoea.

- Why do you, programmers, cannot ever estimate the time required to finish the project?!
- Well, boss, it's very simple. I'll explain in this example. You do like mending cars in your free time, am I right, boss?
- Yep, give me this example.
- So, you need to unload a vehicle. How long wou... read more

It transpires a lorry load of penguins has turned over. The police are frantically trying to herd the penguins off the road to safety.

As he arrives at the scene he sees an officer with a penguin under each arm. He rolls down the window and says, "Officer is there anything I can do to help?" ... read more

He takes the first sip, and out pops his body. Surprised, he takes a second sip, and out pop his arms. The whole pub is cheering him on now. His father has tears of joy streaming down his face. So the boy takes his final sip, and out pop his legs. The boy is so happy that he immediately jumps up ... read more

The hare and the tortoise were having a rematch. This time, they decided to race through Europe, starting with London. The plan was to race to Dover, get the ferry across, and go along the French coast, across Belgium, Germany, and head north through Denmark.

The hare figured that his fur wo... read more

A Banker parks his brand new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues.
As he's getting out of the car, a lorry comes speeding along too close to the curb and takes off the door before zooming off.

More than a little distraught, the Banker grabs his mobile and calls ... read more

1) A hole has opened up on the motorway, the police are looking into it.

2) Someone has stolen the toilets at the police station, the police have nothing to go on.

3) A lorry carrying hair gel has tipped under suspicious cirumstances, over scattering it's content all over the road. The... read more

A man was driving along the road when all of a sudden he has to swerve to avoid a box falling off the lorry in front.
Seconds later a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. As the policeman starting writing the ticket he noticed the box was full of nails and tacks.
"I had to serve or ... read more

There's an onion, and he's studying law at a prestigious college. He's in his third year, and after a particularly tough day, he gets an invite from one of his onion-friends to a party they're having that evening. Being tired and weary, the lawyer-onion isn't sure whether to go, but decides he needs... read more

A lorry has managed to drive into a school, ran over students during their assembly. The paramedics estimate that the deaths number in more than a hundred person. In order to get to the bottom of the accident, a policeman started to question the driver.

Driver: I was just trying to avoid the ... read more