This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A taxi driver, new on the job, picks up his first customer.

The driver then started to head to the location designated by the passenger. A few minutes had passed and the whole trip had been quiet ever since. The radio wasn't even turned on.

The passenger is very interpersonal so he started to strike a conversation to break the silence.

"Hey, ma...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy goes to Las Vegas to gamble And he loses all his money. He doesn't even have enough for a cab, but he flagged one down anyway. He explained to the driver that he would pay him back next time and gave him his phone number, but the driver told him, "Get the fuck out of my cab."

So he walked all the way to the airport and got home. Some times rolls by and he decides to go back to Vegas again and this time he wins BIG.
He gets his bags and is ready for the airport with all his new winnings. There are a line of cabs and at the very end he sees the driver from last time th...

Just spent $300 on a limousine and discovered the fee doesn't include a driver

Can't believe I spent all that money and have nothing to chauffeur it

A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place:

Man: What's the problem officer?

Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.

Man: No sir, I was going 65.

Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 80. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.)

Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.

Man: Broken tail l...

After a preacher died and went to heaven, he noticed a New York cab driver had been awarded a higher place than he.

“I don’t understand,” he complained to God. “I devoted my entire life to my congregation.”

God explained to him, “Our policy here in heaven is to reward results. Now, was your congregation well attuned to you whenever you gave a sermon?”

“Well,” the minister had to admit, “some in the ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A kid gets on the bus and sits right behind the driver every day.

After getting seated the child would play a game. He would always think of a new animal and say
"if my mommy was a shark and my daddy was a shark, I would be a little shark"
"If my mommy was a lizard and my daddy was a lizard, i would be a little lizard!"

He would keep going until he d...

Women are actually turning into good drivers.

So if you're a good driver, watch out for women turning.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Little Johnny gets on the pubic bus and sits right behind the bus driver.

He keeps saying," If my mom was a cow and my dad was a bull, I'd be a calf. If my mom was a hen and my dad was a rooster, I'd be a chick. If my mom was a doe and my dad was a buck, I'd be a fawn."

The annoyed bus driver stops the bus and turns to Little Johnny, saying, "What if your mom was a...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A cop pulls over a driver...

A cop pulls over a driver and says that because he was wearing his seatbelt he had just won $1,000 in a safety competition.

“What are you going to do with the prize money?” the officer asked.

The man responded “I guess I’ll go to driving school and get my license.”

At that momen...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An ugly man walks into a bar and a beautiful woman approaches him...

... the woman asks the man, "How would you like to get out of here?" and the man is stunned. He never thought a woman like her would ever approach him so he agrees. They both get into his car and drive really far. He stops at a cliff with the view of the whole city. Within seconds they start taking ...

Elderly Driver

An elderly couple was watching tv in their living room when the old man noticed that their bowl of candy corn on the coffee table was getting low. “Im going to drive to town and refill this bowl” he says to his wife. The old woman stayed behind crocheting and watching the news. After seeing a repor...

Why would Helen Keller make a bad driver?

Because she’s dead.

My marriage is like Drivers Ed

Where my wife is in the driving seat and I am in the passenger seat with a training wheel which does not really do anything.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question about the city.

The driver screams, loses control of the car, nearly hits a bus, drives up on the sidewalk, and stops the car inches before it crashes through the front of a store window. Both men sit completely silent until the driver turns and says, “Look man, don’t ever do that to me again. You scared the crap o...

The pope was on his way to a ceremony with no-one in his limousine except for himself and his driver.

The pope checks his watch and says to the driver:
“Huh, we're gonna be a half hour early, you mind if I take the wheel and drive around for a while? I haven't driven since ever!"
The driver is a bit concerned but obeys the pope. So the pope takes the wheel and starts driving like a maniac! N...

One day, Einstein has to speak at an important science conference. On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him: "I'm sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!"

The driver agrees: "You're right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don't know anything about science, I could give the conference in your place."


"That's a great idea!" says Einstein. "Let's switch places then!"


So they switch clothes and as soon as t...

My mate punched my driver for pulling into the cycle lane...

He\`s a bit of a CYCLE-PATH.......

​

​

yeah its bad..

A police officer stops a speeding car and walks up to the driver

"Do you know you were going 20 km/h over the speed limit ?"

The guy respond : "How am I supposed to know ? I don't have a license".

His wife, sitting on the passenger seat, interjects : "Don't listen to him, he's drunk."

Their kid, on the backseat, sighs "I knew we weren't goin...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How my Husband and I Terrified a Taxi Driver

My husband and I were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theatre.

Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a 'night light' and the answering machine, then put the cat in the backyard. When our cab arrived, we walked out our front door and our rather tubby cat ...

A truck driver sees a naked man tied to a tree off to the side of the road.

He pulls his rig to the side and approaches the man. The man says to him, "Oh, thank God you're here. I pulled into a gas station to get some gas. I was robbed at gun point, thrown into the trunk of my car and then driven here. Then they stripped me of all of my clothes, took my wedding ring and dro...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man returning home a day early from a business trip got into a taxi at the airport.

It was after midnight. While enroute to his home, he asked the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspected his wife was having an affair and he intended to catch her in the act. For 100 dollars, the cabby agreed.
Quietly arriving at the house, the husband and cabby tiptoed into the bedroom....

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I saw a stolen BMW today. I decided to call the police.

“Yes officer, I’ve just seen a stolen vehicle out here on the highway, westbound”

“With all due respect, civilian, there are hundreds, thousands of vehicles out there, it is incredibly difficult to spot a stolen vehicle if you don’t have the training for it. Did you see a smashed window or so...

What do bus drivers put on their morning pancakes?

Traffic jam

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A pilot, a captain, and a driver were all stuck in a blimp headed straight towards a city.

The pilot, wanting to save himself from crashing, says “let me steer this blimp off course and land us safely. As a pilot, I have years of experience controlling flying vehicles. A blimp surely can’t be much different from a plane.”

The captain then butted in and said “No, let me take the whe...

A doctor and a truck driver...

A doctor and a truck driver are both in love with a very beautiful woman named Sara and the competition is fierce. Right as the truck driver is starting to get in good with her, his company sends him on a week long job, but before he leaves he brings Sara 7 apples.
She says "It's perfect! 7 is ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Always these clichès about Porsche drivers having small dicks

I don't even drive a Porsche.

So I hit another vehicles bumper the other day, so we both pulled over to the side of the road. The driver got out. I noticed he was a dwarf, he shouted, "I'm not happy!"

I replied, "then which one are you?"

What did the bus driver say to the one-legged man?

Hop on.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I recently read in the news that bad drivers were going to get on the spot $100 fines

That's a bit sexist, isn't it?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why don't they teach sex education and driver's education on the same day in Iraqi schools?

It's too hard on the camel.

A traffic cop pulled over a driver in who had been weaving erratically along the highway

Approaching the car, he said: ‘Sir, i need you to blow into a breathalyser.’
‘Sorry officer,’ he replied. ‘I can’t do that. I’m an asthmatic. If i do that, I’ll have a rally bad asthma attack.’
‘Well, then i need you to come to the station to give me a blood sample.’
‘I can’t do ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So there is this bus driver...

And every time a pretty girl gets on the bus the driver looks at her and says "tickle your ass with a feather?"

And if the woman responds positively he goes with it. But if she responds negatively he says "particularly nasty weather?"

So there is a homeless man that regularly rides th...

My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?”

I answered, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why did the NAZI fail drivers ED?

He succeeded on two left turns but failed on the third reich

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.

She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.

She repeats this gesture about five more times.
When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little...

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver’s license

First, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with te letters C Z W I N O S T A C Z.

“Can you read this?” the optician asked.

“Read it?” the Polish guy replied, “I know the guy.”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There was this guy at a bar looking at his drink but not drinking. He stayed like this for half an hour. A few minutes later, a big built truck driver walks in and sits next to him and takes the drink from the guy & gulps it all down.

The poor man starts crying. The truck driver perplexed asks the guy, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a grown ass man cry."

"No, it's not that," the man replies, wiping his tears.

"Today is the worst day of my life.

...

What's the difference between Audi drivers and a porcupine?

Porcupine has pricks on the outside.

One day a 12-year-old boy was walking down the street when a car pulled up beside him and the driver lowered a window.

"I’ll give you a large bag of M&Ms if you get in the car," said the driver.

"No way! Get lost!" replied the boy.

"How about a bag of M&Ms and 10 dollars?" the driver asked.

"I said no way," replied the boy.

"What about a bag of M&Ms and 50 dollars?" asked the ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My first time posting on /r/Jokes was like being a UPS driver.

Because I fucked up the delivery

Seeing all these drivers looking at their phones is so infuriating, how irresponsible can you be while driving?

Anytime I see one of them in traffic it totally kills my high.

Backseat drivers really are the worst, aren't they?

Always saying stuff like "please let me go" and "I won't tell anyone"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

At age 4, success is not peeing in your pants. At age 12, success is having friends. At Age 16, success is having a driver's license. At age 20, success is having sex. At age 35, success is having money.

At age 50, success is having money.

At age 60, success is having sex.

At age 70, success is having a driver's license.

At age 75, success is having friends.

At age 80, success is not peeing in your pants.

[Long] Pete was a truck driver who hated lawyers

Pete was a truck driver who hated lawyers. Every time he saw a lawyer walk by the road he would swing over and run them over with his truck. One day while he was out driving, he saw a priest walk by the side of the road. Thinking it could not hurt to help a servant of god he stopped and asked the pr...

I ran behind the bus and finally able to catch it. I approached the bus driver and said

"Is this bus your mom?"
He: No

"your wife"
He: No

"Sister"
He: No

"Then why the hell you won't allowing me to ride?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a bisexual racecar driver?

The fast and the curious

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A driver gets pulled over by a policeman for speeding.

The policeman approaches the drivers door.
"Is there a problem, Officer?"
The policeman says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your license please?"
The driver responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."
"You don't have one?"
The man responds, "I lost it four time...

Don’t know what was wrong with the delivery driver this morning.

He was all smiles until I signed his touch screen thing, then he got all shouty and mad.

I was so scared I dropped my sharpie and just closed the door.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[NSFW] The nun and the pervert

Jeff was on his morning commute when a beautiful young nun walked on. He couldn't help himself and began trying to flirt with the nun, who just sat there in silence and got off at the next stop.

The bus driver overheard Jeff's attempts and decided to let him in on a secret.

"She prays...

A Priest dies and is waiting in line at heaven's gate.

God to the guy: Who are you? Guy: I am a Thrissur to Kozhikode Bus driver. God: Oh! Take this golden robe and enter the kingdom of heaven.

God to the Priest:Who are you? Priest: I am a Priest. I've spent 35 years preaching good to people. God:Oh!Take this cotton robe and enter the kingdom of ...

A priest dies and goes to the gates of Heaven

The priest approaches the bouncer aka St. Peter.

After perusing the list, Peter can’t find the priest’s name, and tells him to go downstairs to the waiting room until further notice.

Meanwhile, a taxi driver who died at the same time approached the gates.

St. Peter welcomes h...

Taxi fare

A naked woman rushed in a taxi.
The taxi driver turned back and stared at her so keenly.
The woman asked the taxi driver, "Why are you staring at me that way, haven't you ever seen a naked woman?"
The taxi driver replied, "No, I just wonder where you have my money."

Young v Old Drivers

Elsie, an elderly lady, stopped to drive into a parking space when a young man in his brand new red BMW drove around her and parked in the space that she had been waiting for. Elsie was so angered that she approached the young fellow and enquired, through gritted teeth, 'I was about to park there.' ...

When waiting in a long life of cars, the drivers say "ughhhh", but what do the cars say when it's over?

That was exhausting.

With Christmas coming up, my wife asked our 3 year old what do you know about Jesus? To which she replies "well I know he's a bad driver and a moron"

Because every time I'm in the car with Daddy, all he ever says is "Jesus Christ learn how to drive you freaking moron"

A bus driver is on court for murdering 31 people

A bus driver is on court and being judged for running over 31 people with a bus. The judge asks the driver to explain what has happened from his vision and the following is his response.


Driver: I was driving the bus casually as I do every shift. I was going on the same route when I start...

Don't Swear At Other Drivers!

Eddie was driving down the road and a met a car coming the other way.  Although there was room to pass easily, Eddie forced the oncoming car to slow down and wound down his window and shouted 'Pig'.  The other driver looked in his rear view mirror and swore at Eddie.  Then his car hit the pig.

I’m going to be taking my drivers exam in a full stormtrooper outfit...

That way I won’t hit anything.

When my girlfriend drives and I'm the passenger, I don't think she's a terrible driver...

I think, "At least we'll die together."

Atheist Bus Driver

(Turkish Joke, couldn't find it on Reddit, hopefully the translation does justice)

So I met a guy in jail whose nickname was "Atheist". I finally asked him why everyone called him this way; so he started telling his story:

"Well, I was a bus driver in our village. One day while driving...

One day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route.

No problems for the first few stops-a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well.

At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on.
Six feet height, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground.
He glared at the driver and said, "Big John doesn't n...

An Asian driver is being interrogated after an accident

Detective: So, how did you end up killing 49 people?

Jackie: I was driving over 90km/h when I saw 2 men crossing the road. And on the other side, there was a wedding taking place. I hit the brakes but they failed, so I had to make a choice:
Either I hit the 2 men or run into the wedding pa...

What do truck drivers do when they get too old to have an erection?

Get a new Peterbilt

The Pope is saddend that he never sees much of the countries he visits and decides it's time for a change

After a visit to Berlin, the Pope decides he wants to travel to Rome by car. Off course, he didn't bring a car and so the German government seizes the opportunity to impress him with German engineering. They lend him the most powerful car they have available, with a German driver/bodyguard. And off ...

The driver from a Hit and Run was arrested

Detective : okay buddy, walk me through the whole thing, from the top

Driver : it was snowing, the ground was slippery, I was, I was..

Detective : those are just excuses buddy.. Tell me, was this on purpose?

Driver : NO! I swear, I just lost control of the car and I was gonna hi...

I'm writing a Bollywood take on a spy movie, about a taxi driver who's really an undercover agent.

His catchphrase is, "the name's Shaw - Rick Shaw".

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A truck driver was driving down the road

He read a small sign nailed to a light pole that said “peaches that taste like everything and anything.” Curious, the truck driver drove down the road that the sign was nailed to and came across and old man with a little setup in front of a farm. The truck driver parked his truck and went over to ...

When I was learning to drive in the winter, my Dad told me, "If you're ever lost in the snow, wait for a plow truck, then follow it."

One cold, snowy Minnesota night, I got lost on the way home. The snow was blowing so fast and piling up so high, I couldn't see any street signs. With no map in my car and a dead cell phone, I thought I might be stranded so I pulled over to the side of the road.

Then breaking through the flu...

I am such a good driver...

... I can do 90mph and post on reddit at the sa

Bus drivers are the rudest persons on Earth.

They never give up their seats for elderly or disabled people.

A renowned philosopher was held in high regard by his driver, who listened in awe as his boss lectured and answered difficult questions about the nature of things and the meaning of life.

Then, one day, the driver approached the philosopher and asked if he was willing to switch roles for just one evening. The philosopher agreed, and, for a while, the driver handled himself remarkably well.

However, when the time came for questions, someone at the back of the room asked him, "I...

BMW drivers always use their signals

The light they give off just can't be seen by the poor.

A motorcycle driver...

...dies in an accident. He finds himself in hell, he looks around and spots Hitler. Hitler comes over and asks the young fella "Well what brought you here mein Junge?" The motorcycle driver replies " Well... too far right and too much gas, which left the whole place burning." Hitler answers " Ah yea...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two nuns stand by the road, holding a sign..

"The way you've taken is wrong, stop and turn back now, before it's too late!"

The next busy driver, who looks at the inscription, shows a sparse finger and disappears behind the curve. A second later a loud crash is heard.

One of the nuns thoughtfully says,

-Sister, shall we ju...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A warning to all you drivers, be careful about drinking and driving as we are getting close to Christmas and Police are out there checking on people.

Last night I was out for a few drinks. One thing lead to another and I had a few too many cocktails and then went onto the wine. Not a good idea. Knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave my car at the bar and took a Bus home. Sure enough, I passed a police checkpoint, where they were pulling...

I went for my interview to be a bus driver.

I said, "Sorry I'm late."

They said, "You're hired"

Kevin had just gotten a new car and was out for a drive

when he accidentally cut off a truck driver. Truck driver motioned for Kevin to pull over.

When Kevin did, the driver got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to Kevin, "Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE...

Started a new job as a delivery driver today.

When i got to my first address there was a little sticky note left on the door saying "Dear Delivery Driver, we are out, please hide in garage".

That was eight hours ago and still nobody has found me.

A priest and a taxi driver go to heaven

While they're at the pearly gates God talks to them about their time in Earth. When he's done talking to the cab driver, he hands him a gold staff and a beautiful silk robe as he walks in

Once he's finished with the priest however, he hands him a wooden staff and a cotton robe. The priest say...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman and her 12-year-old son were riding in a taxi in Detroit.

It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under awnings.
"Mom," said the boy, "what are all those women doing?"
"They're waiting for their husbands to get off work," she replied
The taxi driver turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're hookers,...

The train driver.

Once upon a time there was a guy that was very passionate about trains ever since he was a little kid.

So no one was surprised that once he grew up he became a train conductor.

However as much as he loved trains he was really terrible at driving them.

Sadly, one day he caused a ...

Police officer: Sir, I’m going to need to see your driver’s license.

Driver: You guys got a lot of nerve.

Police officer: Excuse me?

Driver: One day you take my license away and the next day you ask me to show it?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A joke from our taxi driver in Jamaica - “What is the difference between a plane and a baby?”

One flies from city to city and one sucks from titty to titty

*cop pulls over a driver*

Cop: Who's car is this? Where are you headed? What do you do?


Miner: Mine.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Q: Why don't ISIS fighters have drivers ed and sex ed classes on the same day?

A: Because the camels can't handle it.

What did the crow say when his friend got run over by a hit and run driver?

Caw the Cawps!

Backstory - my daughter just woke up telling me about her nightmare - I was driving her down a road, and kept running over crows in the road, she would look back and would see crows mourning over their friends. We had to keep driving back and forth through the same road because...

A man was crossing the road when he was hit by a car, which then sped off. A police officer asked the injured man, ”Did you get a look at the driver?” ”No,” he said, “but I can tell you it was my ex-wife.”

“How do you know that?” asked the officer.


“I’d recognize her laugh anywhere!”

I was on a Uber today and the driver said,

"I love my job, I'm my own boss. Nobody tells me what to do... "

Then I said "turn left"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The passenger tapped the cab driver on the shoulder to ask a question...

A passenger tapped the cab driver on the shoulder to ask a question.

​

The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, missed a biker, scraped a fire hydrant, and stopped just 3 centimetres from a department store shop window.

...

How many Nascar drivers does it take to blow up a jet dryer?

Just Juan

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Filipino taxi driver fetched a Japanese tourist visiting the Philippines at the airport.

As the taxi they rode in motored along the highway, a Suzuki cargo truck sped way past them.

JAPANESE TOURIST: (Proudly beaming) Ah! A Suzuki truck made in my country Japan...**very fast!**
FILIPINO TAXI DRIVER: (Thinking to himself, feeling slightly annoyed) Damn, so it is true the Japa...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why don’t Mexicans teach drivers ed and sex ed in the same day?

They had to give the donkey a break at some poont

A bus driver was called into court for killing 23 children and 5 adults

The judge asked the bus driver, why did you kill all those innocent people??

The bus driver looked a little sad and answered, I didnt meen to! It was by mistake!

How did it happen? Asked the judge.

Well, said the bus driver, I was driving to a bus station but suddenly, on the ro...

A Georgia State trooper pulled a car over on I-75 about 2 miles north of Macon.

A Georgia State trooper pulled a car over on I-75 about 2 miles north of Macon.

When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a Magician and Juggler and was on his way to Atlanta to do a show for the Children’s Hospital. He didn't want to be late. The trooper t...

What do a gynaecologist and a pizza delivery driver have in common?

They can smell it but they can’t eat it.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I never tip the cute pizza delivery drivers and always complain that they're rude, even when they're nice...

That way, I know I'm fucking them.

I tried to be an Uber driver...

Trouble is, my customers didn’t like it when I went the extra mile.

Tip for BMW Drivers - Move your seat as far forward as possible.

That way you can get even closer to the car in front.

The Ultimate Blonde Joke

A blonde is speeding and is pulled over by a blonde woman cop. The cop asks the driver for her license and she says 'What's that?'

The cop says, "You know - it's that squarish thingy with your picture on it".

The driver digs in her purse, finds a small mirror, looks in it and then hand...

Pope Francis is super early for his flight and asks his driver on his way to the airport if he could drive around for a while.

So the Pope is SUPER early for his flight.
He asks his driver on his way to the airport if he could drive around for a while because they have time to kill and he hasn't driven a car since becoming the pope.

Naturally, he's a bit rusty, so he's driving poorly, when suddenly he sees police ...

My buddy Jacob is a bad driver

So Jacob got in a bad wreck. His car was totaled. The other car was totaled. He stepped out of his car and went to check on the other driver. He was fine.

Jacob said, "this is a miracle. Look at how bad our cars are and we are totally unscathed. Even still. I have this bottle of wine in my ba...

President Donald Trump and his driver were cruising along a country road

President Donald Trump and his driver were cruising along a country road one night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly.

Trump told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later Trump sees his driver staggering back...

A new driver was flying down the road with his friend in the passenger seat one night

His friend says, "Hey man, slow down! You're going way too fast."

"Don't worry. My brother taught me how to drive. It's late and the roads are pretty empty."

The young man then blows through a red light without even slowing down. "What the hell?!" his friend says, "This is not cool."...

I needed $2.50 to take the bus home. "I only have $2.15 on me," I told the driver, "but to make up the difference, I'll greet wood planks. How's that sound?"

"Fare enough," he replied. "Welcome a board."

A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up

The gas pumper spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car.
He asks the driver, "What's up with the penguins in the back seat?"
The man in the car says "I found them.
I asked myself what to do with them, but I haven't had a clue."
The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You shoul...

I used to be a bus driver

But I got sick of people talking behind my back.