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A guy goes to Las Vegas to gamble and he loses all his money. He doesn't even have enough for a cab, but he flagged one down anyway. He explained to the driver that he would pay him back next time and gave him his phone number, but the driver told him, "Get the fuck out of my cab!"

He walked all the way to the airport and got home.

Some times rolls by and he decides to go back to Vegas again and this time he wins BIG.

He gets his bags and is ready for the airport with all his new winnings.

There are a line of cabs and at the very end he sees the driver fro...

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I think, I'm going to lose my drivers license...

and all just because of a stupid police officer...
The conversation went like this, when I got pulled over in my car:

Officer: "License and registration, please, I think you are drunk!"

Me: "I assure you, I did not drink anything."

Officer: "Ok, let's do a little test! Imagin...

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At birth, success is being alive. At age 3, success is not pooping your pants. At age 10, success is having friends. At age 16, success is having a driver's license. At age 20, success is having sex. At age 30, success is having money...

At age 40, success is having money.

At age 55, success is having sex.

At age 70, success is having a driver's license.

At age 75, success is having friends.

At age 80, success is not pooping your pants.

At age 100, success is being alive.

A state trooper pulled along side a speeding driver and is shocked when he sees a elderly woman behind the wheel knitting.

The trooper rolled down the window and yelled, "Pull Over!"

"No!" yelled the woman, "It's a cardigan!"

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Two Nuns are driving down a road when the driver sees the devil driving in a car next to them.

"Quick Sister Judy, show him your cross!"

"Okay" replies Sister Judy, turning to the Devil. "Oi Cunt, I've got a bone to pick with you!"

Christians are the worst drivers

You only ever see crosses on the side of the road.

Uber driver says to his passenger.

Uber driver says to his passenger: sorry for the smell of disinfectant I’m trying to keep covid away as much as possible.

Passenger: don’t worry about it, I haven’t had smell for a few days.

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A cop pulls over an old lady for speeding on a highway. He asks for her driver’s license and registration.

When she opens her wallet, he notices a conceal-carry permit.

He asks, “Ma’am, do you have a weapon in your possession at this time?”

She responds that she has a .38 Special in her purse. And a .45 in her glove box. And a 9mm Glock in the center console. And a shotgun in the trunk.
...

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How my Husband and I Terrified a Taxi Driver

My husband and I were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theatre.

Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a 'night light' and the answering machine, then put the cat in the backayrd. When our cab arrived, we walked out our front door and our rather tubby cat...

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Taxi driver

A grade 2 kid was coming from school he entered the taxi and he started singing "if my father was a King my mother will be a Queen and I'll be a Prince"

the taxi driver silenced the kid but the kid continued "if my father was the President my mother will be the First Lady and I'll be the Firs...

I started a new job as an Amazon delivery driver today. When I got to my first address there was a note saying ‘Dear delivery man, we’re out, please hide in garbage’

That was eight hours ago and still no one has found me

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Truck driver

One a normal day of trip, truck driver realized that his brake system was busted, and he was going full speed. He knew, he had to stop the truck somehow.

So he decided to get off the road and crash into something

He looked right, there was little boy in an empty field, alone.

H...

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Sean Connery was very rude to his guests, and treated his driver terribly

I went to his house once and he didn't even offer me a seat. He just kept asking if I wanted to shit on his chauffeur

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I heard there is a new category of rideshare where you can get a topless driver.

They are calling it a Boob Lyft.



Thank you... I'll see myself out.

A cop pulls over an old lady for speeding on a highway. He asks for her driver's license and registration.

When she opens her wallet, he notices a conceal-carry permit.

He asks, “Ma’am, do you have a weapon in your possession at this time?”

She responds "I'll bet you $100 you can't guess the answer to that question" as she slaps a crisp bill on her dashboard.

The cop rubs his chin an...

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A taxi driver was waiting outside the airport

A taxi driver was waiting outside the airport late at night. Three men, heavily drunk, boarded the taxi.

"Where to?" the driver asked.

"Airrrporrttt", one of then replied.

The taxi driver was confused, but decided to take advantage of the situation. He turned the key to start th...

What do people with foot fetishes and recovery vehicle drivers have in common?

Tow (toe) jobs

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver’s license.

First, of course, he had to take an eye test. The optician showed him a card. On the card were the letters “C Z W I X N O S T A C Z”.

“Can you read this?” the optician asked.

“Read it?” the Polish man replied, “I know the guy.”

After the COVID-19 pandemic winds down, we should honor truck drivers with a national holiday on October 4th.

A big 10-4, if you will.

How do you ask a taxi driver how old his taxi is in one word?

Cabbage.

I spent $1500 on a limo the other day, but it didn’t even come with a driver.

Imagine that, I spent all that money and nothing to chauffeur it

Why did the Spanish train driver crash into an insane asylum?

Nobody is sure, but the doctors said they saw a loco motive

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What do truck drivers and strippers have in common?

They both get paid by the load.

Slow racing drivers: You're so slow...

You're so slow turtles watch you race and get angry.

You're so slow after each race you go up to the fast drivers and say, 'baby, what's the shortcut?'

You're so slow you couldn't finish first if all the other drivers were trying to finish last.

You're so slow you think there sh...

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Why dont they teach sex ed and drivers ed on the same day in the Middle East?

The camel gets tired

Im thinking about getting a second career as a reverse truck driver.

You know as a backup job.

Truck stops on the street and hooker approaches the driver

\- "What do you do for $50?" asks he.

\- "Anything you want, honey."

\- "Good! Then get the gloves and help me unload the truck."

A local copper was walking through his quiet English village when he spots a red Ferrari coming through just a little bit too fast. He steps out into the road, stops the car, and walks up to the driver's window.

"Going a bit fast there, don't you think?"

"This road is the b35 so I was going 35mph." Replies the driver.

The copper shakes his head at the driver's stupidity. "That's not how it works, son. It's tight bends and small single lanes for miles around here, 30mph maximum." The copper the...

And the bus driver's name is Mac.

A man got a new job driving a school bus. When he went to pick up the keys, the man behind the desk slammed them down and said, "Bus #1. Has a Big Bird picture on the side."

The man got in his bus and drove to the first stop. He picked up one boy, who immediately introduced himself. "Hi! My...

A truck driver was transporting 100 penguins from Melbourne to Perth when he breaks down in the middle of the desert...

A mechanic takes a look and tells the truckie that the repair will take at least two days. He knows that the penguins won't survive in the heat for that long so he flags down a passing truck and offers the driver $5000 to take the penguins to the Perth zoo for him.
A few days later the repairs ar...

There was a train driver in Bulgaria.

He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single person died. Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incid...

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After driving for 10 hours, a truck driver get pulled over by a police officer

PO: Do you know why you got pulled over?

TD: No not really.

PO: Come on out I’ll show you.

The truck driver get out of his truck and the police officer pointed to the brokers taillight

TD: Oh fuck boss is going to kill me!

PO: Its fine, it’s only a small fine.
<...

A drunk driver is being interrogated

Detective : okay buddy, walk me through the whole thing, from the top

Driver : I don't know, it all happened so fast, I need a drink of water..

Detective : Your water is on its way. But first, tell me if this was premeditated.

Driver : NO! I swear, I just lost control of the car...

You are a driver of a bus...

...and at the end of your shift you decided a get a drink with friend. He asks you how work was today.

Friend: So how was work today?

You: Well it started off hard a woman got on the bus. At the first stop one woman got off and 2 more got on. Then at the second stop another woman got o...

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A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder...

The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab and then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me".
...

Haven't you ever seen a naked woman before?

A naked woman jumps into a taxi. The taxi driver stares at her, looking her over from top to bottom. The woman is offended and asks the taxi driver "What's the matter? Haven't you ever seen a naked woman before?"

The taxi driver responds: "Oh, it's not the fact that you're naked that bothe...

Priest and bus driver have died...

...so, both of them arrive to God.


First one up is bus driver, he's allowed to enter heaven without any spoken words, just like that.
Now, it's time for priest but God says that he has to go to hell - shocked by the answer priest asks why? So God answers him "When you were reading...

Old lady gets into a Merzedes-Benz taxi cab

As she hops in, the driver asks her where she's going. She gives him an adress, as she's just arrived to town to visit family.

They keep going for a bit, when the old lady notices the very characteristic Mercedes-Benz ornament emblem mounted on the hood.

"So what is that thing for?" s...

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A Hippie sits next to a young Nun on the bus and asks her if he could have sex with her

The Nun, very upset, say,s"NO! I am married to God" and gets off the bus disgusted

The bus driver sees all this. He tells the Hippie, "She prays every Tuesday night at midnight in the graveyard... why don't you tell her you are God and demand sex?"

The Hippie tries this and to his surp...

A driver was arrested after a deadly accident...

Policeman: How could you kill 49 people? What the Hell is wrong with you?

Driver: I was driving at 80 km/h when I saw two men crossing the Road. On the road side, there was a wedding party. I wanted to apply the Breaks, but then I realised they were not working. So, I had to take a decision; ...

Imagine you are a bus driver.

At the first station 17 people entered the bus, at the second station, 8 people entered and 6 people left. At the fourth station 12 people entered and 14 people left. Then at the last station 17 people left the bus.
How old was the bus driver?

Dude is late for job interview for a bus driver.

Dude: Sorry, I’m late.

Interviewer: you’re hired.

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.”

The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: “The driver just insulted me.”

The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

An Uber driver stops to get a passenger

" - I am sorry for the strong odor of bleach, i had to desinfect the car, you know, there are these new regulations..."

Passenger: "- Don't worry about it, I don't mind at all, it seems that 2 days ago I completely lost my sense of smell."

In the USA, a driver gets stuck in a traffic jam...

In the USA, a driver gets stuck in a traffic jam on the highway. Standing column.

Suddenly someone knocks on the side window. He lets down the window and asks: "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped President Trump. They are demanding a ransom of $ 100 million or they will pour...

A man is sitting in a taxi in Newcastle on his way home to Sunderland. He realises he recognises the taxi driver- and with great enthusiasm mentions this. "I know you! You picked me and the missus up that time from the train station and took us to the airport! Remember?"...

The taxi driver, who sees hundreds of different people every day, smiles politely and replies "Maybe.", rather unconvincingly. A typical, though nevertheless unbearable awkwardness follows whereupon the driver says "Riddle me this...". The passenger sits up straight and prepares for thinking.
...

A farmer was fed up with drivers speeding down the road where he lived, so he asked the police to put up a sign...

They put up a "Slow down, speed limit" sign - with no effect. Then, "Danger, road hazard!" sign was put up, but had no effect, either. Then the police tried a sign stating "Children crossing" - and still nobody slowed down.


Finally, the farmer asked the police if he could put up his own ...

Why do barbers make good drivers?

Why do barbers make good drivers?
Because they know all the short cuts!

Why are drunk drivers the best voters?

Because they always hit the poles.

Being a taxi driver is boring, nobody ever talks to me. And when they can be bothered to talk, all they say is

"Hang on a minute, I don't live in the woods".

A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in.

One grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn't say a word as he paid the waitress and left.

As the waitress walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, "He ain't ...

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A boy was having sex with a girl on a railway track.

The train driver spots them and starts hooting but they ignore it..
He applies brakes so hard and the train stops just a few yards away from the couple.

Driver jumps from the engine and walks to the boy who just finished and is standing up and zipping up his pants...

The driver sho...

A man drives a train in Bulgaria. One day, he falls asleep driving and runs over someone walking on the tracks. Well, his case goes to court, and he gets the death sentence for murder

So, he’s on death row and the executioner approaches him.

“What would you like for your last meal?”

“I would like a banana please.”

The executioner thinks it’s weird, but shrugs and gives him a banana. The guy eats his banana, waits a while, and gets strapped into the electric c...

Omg it took an hour for my friend and I to realize that our Uber driver was a celebrity!!

He’s even ranked top ten in the list of most desired people in the world by the FBI!

Driver: "Officer, what am I supposed to do with this stupid ticket?"

Officer: "Keep it. When you have enough of them, you get a bicycle".

Once a certain donkey driver turned to Khoja Nasreddin: “Oh, wise one, explain one thing to me, otherwise I will lose my mind.”

\- I was given ten donkeys to drive to another city, and I hit the road. Before the road, I counted them, there were 10. I sat on a donkey and we drove off. On the way, I decided to count the donkeys again, and, to my horror, there were nine of them. Then I decided to make a halt, dismounted, and ag...

Watch out for little old lady drivers

Sitting on the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car puttering along at 22 M.P.H. He thinks to himself, that car is just as dangerous as a speeder. So, he turns his lights on and pulls the car
over. Approaching the car, he notices there are 5 old ladies, two at the f...

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I had a lorry driver right up my arse the entire drive home

Was nice of him to give me a lift though

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Old man and the cab driver

A old guy from the country-side goes to New York for the first time. He has never seen so many cars. And he has never been on a car himself. He gets on a cab and start asking questions to the driver.

"What's that wheel for?"

"This one? This is the steering wheel, it allows me to change...

Found this one in my 2014 meme stash

A police officer pulled over a car on a deserted highway and told the driver, "Congratulations! You're the first person here today who was wearing a seat belt and now you're entitled to a prize of 1000$. What are you gonna do with your money?"

"Well", replied the man, "I think I'm gonna get a...

What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery driver have in common?

It's okay to smell it, but if you eat it you're gonna get fired.

What does an ambulance and a pizza delivery driver have in common

If either of them shows up late the delivery goes cold.

A new bus driver starts his first day of work...

A new bus driver starts his first day of work...

......he kisses his wife goodbye. He’s nervous about the new job and not sure if it’s for him.

He’s assigned his bus, and as he walks up to it, he notices that it has a big promotional for Sesame Street on the side. “Great,” he thinks, ...

Nobody's heard from the Zamboni drivers since the NHL cancelled their season.

I'm sure they'll resurface at some point.

The government in Egypt has asked the city's taxi drivers to drive around Cairo sounding their car horns. It is hoped that the familiar sounds of the city will induce a return to tranquility and normality following the recent pandemic.

Operation Toot 'n Calm 'Em will last for the rest of the week.

An old lady always travels the same route on a bus. Over time, she became friendly with the driver and she’d always bring him a nice little bag of peanuts.

The bus driver was enjoying the nuts at first, but after a few days he said to the lady, “Come on, Mrs. Bilker, it’s really nice of you and I’m loving the peanuts, but please stop bringing me so much. Have some for yourself.”

“Ah, no bother young man,” laughs the old lady, “I don’t have my te...

A wife desperately tries to prove to her husband that her affair is over.

He had already forgiven her, but still hadn’t spoken to her in days. The only thing she could think of, is that he must still not trust her. To convince him, she cut her ex lover’s obituary out of the newspaper. Her affair ended long before the accident, but she thought she could ease her husband’s ...

My dog keeps chasing the delivery driver in his truck

He really should know not to leave his keys in the ignition by now.

Why are racecar drivers the best people to go to for dating advice?

They're trained to look for red flags.

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC Nothing was moving.

Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.

The driver rolls down the window and asks,
"What's going on?"


"Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fir...

Where did Sauron go to take his driver's test?

The Department of Mordor Vehicles

An elderly classical languages professor goes to Rome for a conference.

He hails a taxi as he leaves the airport, and the driver points to a sign saying "Tell driver your destination". The professor hesitates for a moment. He doesn't speak Italian, but doesn't want the driver to misunderstand his directions in English. Suddenly realizing that Italian is descended from L...

Why did the NASCAR driver die in the car wreck?

Because he was indy car when it happened

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John and the cab driver

One cold, winter evening John finished his office job in London Victoria and went straight to the pub. He had few drinks too many that night and decided to take a cab home, but when he looked in his wallet he only had last £20 inside. He approached a black cab outside the pub and asked how much woul...

A taxi driver usually picked up his passengers from red light districts (area of escort houses and prostitution).

One day while waiting for passenger, a completely naked girl with no single piece of cloth on her body gets inside the cab at mid night. The girl says to the driver, "Take me to this .... address please". The driver turns back and looks at the girl top to bottom curiously. The girl asks," Is somethi...

Taxi driver picks up a hooker. They arrive at her destination & she confesses she doesn’t have any money. She says “Will this do?”

Cabbie looks in his rear view mirror & sees the hooker spreading her legs with no panties on & he says “Got anything smaller?”

I had to give up being a Taxi Driver

There was just too much talking behind my back

College student climbs into the back of an Uber and asks the driver "Do you have room up there for a pizza and a six pack'?

"Sure" said the driver.
So the kid leaned forward and threw up.

What's the difference between police officers and pizza delivery drivers?

Pizza delivery drivers actually face consequences when their jobs aren't done right.

One day a driver say to his pit crew that he's pitting for tyres

But Bono's says no's

I decided to quit my job as a bus driver

It was driving me crazy

What do u call a delivery driver who doesnt like his job

FEDup

"Quick!" I yelled to the taxi driver. "My wife is giving birth!"

He said, "Ok, Ok. Let me just search for the hospital on my sat nav."

"Hospital?" I replied. "I need you to drive me to the airport."

A Blonde woman was speeding down the road and was pulled over by a female police officer, who was also a blonde.

The Blonde Cop asked to see the blonde driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

‘What does it look like?’ she finally asked. The policewoman replied, ‘It’s square and it has you picture on it.’

The driver finally found a square mirror in ...

A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three large bikers walked in.

The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man’s pie and then took a seat at the counter.The second walked up to the old man, spit into the old man’s milk and then he took a seat at the counter.The third walked up to the old man, turned over the old man’s plate, and then h...

You’ve heard of “click it or ticket”, a slogan telling drivers to use a seatbelt or they will get fined...

Now get ready for the new slogan of 2020: “Mask it or Casket”!

A man was pulled over by a police officer...

As the officer approached the vehicle he noticed a large number of knives in the back seat.

Looking at the driver he asked, "Sir, do you have a good reason for needing all those large knives?"

Smiling the driver said, "Why yes, I juggle them."

Realizing the officer was giving hi...

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A police officer pulls over a car he spots swerving all over the road, and asks the driver to step out of the vehicle. A clearly inebriated man reeking of beer stumbles out of the car...

The officer tells the man that he pulled him over because of his erratic driving and strongly suspects that he is under the influence of alcohol.

"No way, offisher. I just came from work and I am \*hic\* good-to-go," the man slurs and stumbles a little.

"Well just to be safe, would you...

I asked an EV driver what music he liked

He said AC/DC

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The Bus Driver and the Nun.

A man gets onto a city bus and sees an attractive nun. Wanting to have sex with her, he goes up and asks, "Will you have sex with me?"

"Of course not!" the nun said unnervingly and got off the bus.

Before the depressed man left the bus, the bus driver stops him and says, "I know how yo...

My father kept telling me success stories of children of cab drivers.....

So I asked him to start driving a cab.

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A guy is on a date with a girl, so he takes her to Lovers’ Lane.

When they get up there, she says, ”I have to be honest with you — I’m a hooker.” The guy thinks about this for a short time and says it’s okay. He agrees to pay her $25, and they start having sex.

After they finish, the guy says, ”I have to be honest with you now. I’m a cab driver, and it’ll ...

truckers...

As a Polish truck driver is driving east he sees a truck driving west, and the CB crackles to life. "Hey, buddy, who are the two biggest morons in America?" comes from the CB.

"I don't know," says the Polack.

The other driver says, "You and your brother!"

"Screw you," says the P...

My Tinder bio says that I have a corner office with views of the entire city, drive a ₹500,000 vehicle, and that I'm paid to travel.

My dates never seem too happy when I tell them I'm a bus driver.

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What do Nascar drivers call anal sex?

Pro laps

There was once a kind old bus driver who always tried to help out his community

A few days before he retired the bus driver saw a suicidal man who had jumped out into the middle of traffic.
Being the kind man he was he ran over to help, then backed up and ran over the guy again.

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A truck driver gets really screwed over by his lawyer during his divorce.

He becomes so sour about it that every time he sees a lawyer on the street while driving his truck, he screams "LAWYER!" and swerves onto the sidewalk to run him over.

One day he's driving and he sees a nun with her thumb out asking for a ride, so he pulls over and lets her in.

They're...

A little boy gets on the public bus and sits right behind the bus driver.

The boy keeps repeatedly saying," If my mom was a cow and my dad was a bull, I'd be a little calf.…"


"If my mom was a hen and my dad was a chicken, I'd be a little chick. If my mom was a deer and my dad was a buck, I'd be a little deer. If my mom was a duck and my dad was a goose, I'd...

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A driver refuses to stop for police.....

They chase him for miles and finally pull the old guy over. Policeman asks him why he didn't stop. The old guy says, "Well, fifteen years ago my wife ran off with a cop. I thought you bastards might have been trying to give her back!"

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A cabbie is waiting outside a Vegas casino when a smartly-dressed man runs out in a state of extreme distress.

He comes up to the cab and says "You've got to get me to the airport straight away! I'm needed in New York as soon as possible, there's millions at stake!" and the cabbie says "Sure, no problem, fella, just fifty bucks for the fare and we're good to go".

The smartly-dressed man says "This is ...

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A taxi driver drives a priest home. (Contains swearing)

Taxi driver: Fucking hell these roads are bad.

Priest: Don't say that, say God help us have better roads in the future.

*The taxi driver apologises and continues driving*

Taxi driver: Fucking hell that dude almost killed us with his rechless driving.

Priest: Don't say th...

I got fired from my job as a bus driver

Apparently, when you're a bus driver, you have to stop every once in a while.

Why was Helen Keller such a terrible driver?

She was a woman

A young lady and an older one were riding through town in the same carriage.

The older lady asked the younger if she wouldn't mind taking a detour down the cobblestone road which runs past the old church. The younger lady had no objection, and the older directed the driver, who turned at the appointed street. Unlike the brick of the main streets, however, the cobblestone roa...

blondes vs brunette

Two bowling teams, one all blondes, one all bruneettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City.

The brunette team rides on the bottom level of the bus, the blonde team rides on the top level.

The brunette team, down below, is whooping it up and ha...

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A well-renown, high-powered lawyer was just in a horrific car accident.

He was side-swiped, ripping the driver's side door completely off.

A police officer, who happened to be there, ran straight to the man. He found the him sitting on the ground against the wreck angrily swearing and yelling.

Officer: (Relieved the man is well enough to be yelling): "You...

Ordered a Chinese earlier in the day. The Chinese driver pulls up and walks to the door. I walked out to meet him and he started shouting, "Isolate isolate!"

I said, "Calm down dude, you're not that late. I only ordered it half an hour ago!"

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A taxi driver, new on the job, picks up his first customer.

The driver then started to head to the location designated by the passenger. A few minutes had passed and the whole trip had been quiet ever since. The radio wasn't even turned on.

The passenger is very interpersonal so he started to strike a conversation to break the silence.

"Hey, ma...

A bus load of Senior citizens were traveling to a casino. Halfway into the trip, a little old lady walked up to the front of the bus and told the driver they had a pervert on the bus.

The driver told her he would check it out at the Casino. So she went back to her seat and sat down. Five minutes later a second little old lady walked to the front of the bus and told the driver they had a pervert on the bus ... Since this was the second complaint in five minutes, he thought he had ...

Why did the hippie driver refuse heartburn medication?

Because anti-acid would ruin the trip

Did you hear about the delivery driver for the local bakery that had 6 extra eyes located all around his head?

He's seen some weird things man but this guy takes the cake.

Why is Hellen Keller a bad driver?

She’s dead

Did you hear about that Formula 1 Driver that died in the hospital?

After seeing his family, he took a turn for the worst

A blonde takes a taxi to the airport

While stuck in traffic, the driver offers the blonde a riddle to help pass the time. He says:

“Who is my mother’s child and my father’s child, but is neither my brother nor my sister?”

The blonde replies “I don’t know, who?”

The driver says “Me!”

They laugh hysterically,...

A priest and a rabbi have a car accident....

Shortly before shabbat (Friday night) , two drivers – one a rabbi and the other a priest – are in a horrible collision, and both cars are totaled. By what only can be described as a miracle, the two men are unscathed. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, ...

After a preacher died and went to heaven, he noticed a New York cab driver had been awarded a higher place than him

“I don’t understand,” he complained to God. “I devoted my entire life to my congregation.”

God explained to him, “Our policy here in heaven is to reward results. Now, was your congregation well attuned to you whenever you gave a sermon?”

“Well,” the minister had to admit, “some in the ...

New user: "How come my new printer doesn't work in Linux?" Linus: "You need the right driver."

"My chauffeur's outside."

My local hockey rink just reported their Zamboni driver has gone missing...

They hope he resurfaces soon.

Passenger: why should I have to wear a mask if yours works?

Passenger: why should I have to wear a mask if yours works?

Driver: damn good point *turns off headlights*

Passenger: what are you doing it’s dark

Driver: chill the other cars have them on

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A nun is sitting on the bus when a hippie comes in and sits next to her...

After a while the hippie asks the nun "hey you, wanna fuck?" But the nun replies "no, God forbids it!" And she get's out on the next stop.
A few minutes later the hippie want's to get out too and right as he want's to leave the bus, the bus driver yells "hey you, hippie, come over here.
I hea...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A truck driver stopped and lifted a prostitute

While on the highway, she was giving him a BJ and just when he was going to finish he twitched and accidentaly flipped the truck causing a huge wreckage and his dick falling off and flying away.

On the other side of the road came a car with a dad and his 10 year old daughter. Out of the blue ...

That's the thing with bus driver bukkakes

You wait ages for one to come and then they all come at once

An old grandma brings a bus driver

An old grandma brings a bus driver a bag of peanuts every day.


First the bus driver enjoyed the peanuts but after a week of eating them he asked: "Please granny, don't bring me peanuts anymore. Have them yourself.".


The granny answers: "You know, I don't have teeth anymore....

Today was my first day as an Uber driver

and I just dropped off another dude my girls house

Call my getaway driver spongebob

Because he never miss a shift

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Roger is a hard worker and he spends most of his nights bowling or playing volleyball. One weekend his wife decides that he needs to relax a little and take a break from sports, so she takes him to a strip club.

The doorman at the club spots them and says, “Hey, Roger! How are you tonight?”
His wife, surprised, asks her husband if he has been here before.
“No, no. He’s just one of the guys I bowl with.”


They are seated and the waitress approaches, sees Roger and says, “Nice to see you, R...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An elderly British couple are vacationing in Africa.

An elderly British couple have just arrived in Africa for a safari vacation and are being shuttled by taxi to their hotel. They drive by a rural village, and a man is outside, completely naked, with a ruler up against his penis.

"Blimey!" exclaims the wife, "what on earth is that bloke doing!...

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