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I started to let Jesus take the wheel, but then I remembered...

that motherfucker ain’t afraid to die.

To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camo jacket.

You can hide, but you can’t run.

My girlfriend broke up with me. So i took her wheel chair.

Guess who came crawling back.

So, a pirate walks into a bar with a ship's steering wheel stuck to his crotch.

Bartender: "You know you got a ship's steering wheel attached to your crotch?"

Pirate: "Aye, it's drivin' me nuts!"

"What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and wooden engine?" asked the curious boy.

His mother took a deep breath and then replied, "It wooden go."

What has 4 wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.

Millions of years ago, there was no such thing as the wheel.

One day, some primitive guys were watching their wives drag a dead mastodon to the food & fire area. It was exhausting work; the guys were getting tired just watching.

Then they noticed some large, smooth, rounded boulders and they had a great idea! They could sit on top of the boulders a...

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A witch put a curse on me and now my penis has a steering wheel

It drives me nuts

A man walks into a bar with a steering wheel between his legs.

He says to the bartender, "ello mate, can I get a pint of bitter?" The bartender says "sure thing, but why is there a steering wheel between your legs?" The man says "No idea mate, but its driving me nuts."

A guy walks into a bar with a steering wheel over his crotch.

The bartender asks, "Hey, what's with the steering wheel?"

The man replies, "It's none of your business"

The bartender asks again, "Come on, tell me"

The man replies, "I told you it's none of your business"

The bartender pleads one more time, "You have to tell me whats wi...

I removed the rubber from the wheels on my car

It is now working tirelessly

I fell asleep at the wheel last night

Now my pottery is ruined

The United Nations are putting on an event with carousels, candy floss and a ferris wheel a couple of towns away.

I wish they'd come to my town. It's UNfair.

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An irish sailor with the steering wheel of a ship jammed into his crotch walks into a bar

He walks into the bar

The bartender approaches him worried and says to the sailor " What the fuck man is that a steering wheel?"

To wich the sailor replies "Aye lad, it's drivin me nuts"

Where is the best place to cheat on someone.

A Ferris wheel

I’ve seen so many jokes about wheels

At this point it’s just tire-ing

What do you call a snowman on wheels?

A bICICLE

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im so sorry...

So I saw a kid getting bullied at my school today...

I would've stood up for him, but I'm bound to a wheelchair.

Jesus take the wheel

Carlos and Jose help me carry the sofa

I’ve been driving for Uber/Lyft full time for a few months now and my wrists are starting to hurt from turning the steering wheel so much.

I think I’m getting Car Pool Tunnel

A pirate walks into a bar with a ships steering wheel down his pants.

The bartender says to him “hey buddy, you know you have a steering wheel down your pants?”

The pirate yells in response “ARRR! It’s driving me NUUUTS!”

What did the pirate say about the steering wheel between his legs?

It's drivin' me nuts.

What's green and has wheels?

Grass.
I lied about the wheels.

How far does a car go with square wheels?

Four blocks.

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The naughtiest thing I ever did was have sex on a ferris wheel.

I really got around.

My crippled friend said he wanted hot wheels for his birthday

So I lit his wheelchair on fire

The guy who built my bicycle wheels also does commercials for the shop.

He's a spokesperson.

Wife Missing?

The first thing a grieving husband should do is CALL THE COPS!

Husband: "My wife of 15 years is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!"
Sheriff: "Height?"
Husband: "I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall."
Sheriff: "Weight?"
Husband: "Don't kn...

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I saw a bloke at the beach with a steering wheel on his Willy

I said ‘mate, you know you’ve got a steering wheel on your knob’

He said ‘yeah, it’s driving me nuts’

Why is it wrong to bully people in wheel chair?

Because they can't stand up for themselves.

You know why my Grandpa got new wheels on his car?

He retired.

what do you call a nun in a wheel chair?

Virgin Mobile

Did you hear about the wooden car with wooden tyres, wooden gears and a wooden steering wheel?

It wooden go!

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to the front of his pants...

The barkeep says "I have no problem serving pirates, but I gotta ask...what's with the steering wheel?"

The pirate looks at him and says "Arr, it be drivin me nuts..."

If a plane tries to land but can't deploy its wheels, what sound does it make when it bounces off the ground?

Boeing

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F*cking Audi four wheel drive!

It was a snowy wednesday evening. Snow had fallen for a couple of days, and the roads were treacherous.

A man walks into a bar, and while passing through the door he loudly clears his throat and spits in the corner, followed by a mumbled "Fucking Audi four wheel drive!".

He sits down, ...

Whoever invented wheel,...

... started a revolution.

A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend.

She was thrilled at the speed. "If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked. "Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend. And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes. Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thro...

What do you call two people in a wheel chair?

A pair of plegics.

What does it mean when you have wheels and a country girl wants you?

It means you *a tractor*

I met a girl online that was in a wheel chair.

We agreed to meet up for drinks but she stood me up.

I really wish this wasn't a true story.

You know times are tough when you see a millenial playing Wheel Of Fortune

And they have to rent an 'A'.

Did you hear about the millennial on Wheel of Fortune?

He tried to rent a vowel.

I used to have a full size wooden car. Wooden wheels, wooden engine, wooden seats.

BUT, when I tried to drive it, it wooden go.


Credit : u/johnnycrosshatch

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Dont have sex with your cars steering wheel

I did, and its driving me nuts.

I had a dream I was a wheel

I woke up tired

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A Mexican man cannot find work and finally heads home for the evening.

On his way home, he finds a cross at the bottom of a hill. So he kneels and prays to God, "Please God, let me find a way to feed my family".


At the top of this hill, a black man was walking home from grocery shopping when the bottom of his bag gave out and a cheese wheel rolled straight ...

Bicycle jokes won't impress you

But a unicycle one wheel

If anyone tries to sell you a transparent driving wheel...

Steer clear.

The crew of the ship were confused when the captain was wearing a ship wheel as a belt buckle

The first mate asked: “captain... why are ye wearing a ships wheel?”

The captain replied back saying: “aye, it’s drivin me nuts.”

Guy calls a bicycle wheel company

Says, "I'd like to speak to your spokesperson"

When they put a computer at the wheel of a car, why didnt it work ?

They needed to install a driver

Why are the wheels of the trains made with iron and not rubber?

Because if they were made with rubber, they would erase the line.

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Can you spare just $2.00? Ranji is a 9yr old living in Namibia, he only has 1 leg, 1 eye and 1 arm. Each day he has to ride 7 miles to school along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no brakes and only one pedal....

If you send just $2.00, you get the video for it. It's fucking hilarious.

At 1:58 two young girls ran out in front of my car, so I slammed on my breaks and honked my horn. On the other side of the road behind the wheel was an African activist, who had to slam on his breaks to avoid hitting a pair of young girls as well.

Desmond Tutu tooted two too, at two to two.

A plane flies straight toward a mountain as pilot and co-pilot pull down on the control wheel with all their might

The pilot yells "We'll never make it over that mountain" the co-pilot looks at him and says "Not with that altitude."

Ever driven a car with no steering wheel?

It's pretty straight forward.

Strength vs. Intelligence

A strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of John, one of the older workmen. After several minutes, John had enough.

"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said. "I will bet ...

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Fuckmonster....

This is probably a repost but I have not seen it and told this joke over twenty years ago...

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One day a woman is out shopping for a gift to give her friend for her birthday. Her friend had tons of things and liked really weird items, the kind of things that most people wou...

The pope was on his way to a ceremony with no-one in his limousine except for himself and his driver.

The pope checks his watch and says to the driver:
“Huh, we're gonna be a half hour early, you mind if I take the wheel and drive around for a while? I haven't driven since ever!"
The driver is a bit concerned but obeys the pope. So the pope takes the wheel and starts driving like a maniac! N...

What’s the most dangerous part of a car?

The nut that holds the steering wheel.

Had a house party last night

...and there's always one left over! Laid on the floor in the corner, still that drunk? He couldn't even stand! Asked him where he lived, then dragged him down the driveway to my car, his legs all over the place, picked him up, threw him inside, & took him home. Dragged him up to his house &...

When my car’s wheel had a blowout...

... I knew it was time to retire it.