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I started to let Jesus take the wheel, but then I remembered...

that motherfucker ain’t afraid to die.

A man has been at the Pub all night drinking

The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. So our man stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.

Once outside he stands up but again falls flat on his face. He crawls home. Reaching the door...

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Did you hear about the wooden car? It had a wooden engine, wooden wheels, a wooden chassis and a wooden gearbox...

And the fuckin' thing wooden even go.

Three disabled stranded men

Three disabled guys (a blind man, an amputee, and a guy in a wheelchair) are flying back with the USA team from the Paralympic games in the Middle East when their plane crashes in the Sahara Desert. The three disabled guys (the only survivors) are now stranded and wait for someone to rescue them, bu...

A pirate walked into a bar with a steering wheel hanging from his crotch

The bartender said, “Sir, is that a steering wheel you got there?”

The pirate replied, “Aye matey, it’s driving me nuts!”

To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camoflage jacket...

You can hide but you can't run!

My wife divorced me so i stole her wheel chair

Guess who came crawling back.

What does a wheel wear

Attire

Three men, exhausted from selling colored automobile wheels all day, decided to enter in a competition

Three men, exhausted from selling colored automobile wheels all day, decided to enter in a competition: who could render a knot out of a multi-colored suit-tie the fastest. They went on, waited in line, and eventually competed against each other, however in the end they all had the same time.
...

I've heard a lot about how important 'the wheel' was for civilization

But I think it's time to recognize 'the shovel' for being the ground-breaking invention that it is.

I was out for a drive when the car suddenly started shuddering and the front wheel fell off.

I stopped and got out trying to figure out what the heck happened.
As I cross the front of the car I can see the tire is in the ditch by a fence that says, St Clements institute for the insane. I can plainly see that the lug nuts have all come off allowing the tire to falloff the car.
I quickl...

What’s green and has wheels?

Grass. I lied about the wheels.

What kind of clothing uses a wheel?

Atire.

The wheels on patrol car constantly end up falling off before I even make it back to the station. The boss asks if I’m working too hard

I said I’m working tirelessly.

A crusty, old pirate walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender notices a giant ship's wheel protruding from his belt buckle.

As the bartender sets down the drink, his curiosity gets the better of him, so he says, "Hey, forgive me for staring, but I couldn't help but notice that giant ship's wheel on your crotch. What's that all about?"

To which the pirate replies, "Aye matey, 'tis no real mystery you see, but it's ...

Why are so many Matchbox and Hot Wheels cars Fords?

So kids can get used to pushing them at an early age

Tesla briefly investigated reusable bio engines made from plants. Wooden car body, wooden wheels and a wooden engine.

It wooden go.

A man walks into a bar with a steering wheel between his legs.

He says to the bartender, "ello mate, can I get a pint of bitter?" The bartender says "sure thing, but why is there a steering wheel between your legs?" The man says "No idea mate, but its driving me nuts."

As soon as all the wheels are replaced, my local police department is getting rid of a bunch of old squad cars they aren't using.

They're being retired

A guy walks into a bar with a steering wheel over his crotch.

The bartender asks, "Hey, what's with the steering wheel?"

The man replies, "It's none of your business"

The bartender asks again, "Come on, tell me"

The man replies, "I told you it's none of your business"

The bartender pleads one more time, "You have to tell me whats wi...

What has 4 wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.

What do you call a snowman on wheels?

A bICICLE





im so sorry...

To the man in a wheel chair who stole my camouflage jacket...

You can hide, but you can't run. (Hopefuly you haven't seen this reposted, I just thought of it)

"What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and wooden engine?" asked the curious boy.

His mother took a deep breath and then replied, "It wooden go."

I’ve seen so many jokes about wheels

At this point it’s just tire-ing

I removed the rubber from the wheels on my car

It is now working tirelessly

I fell asleep at the wheel last night

Now my pottery is ruined

The United Nations are putting on an event with carousels, candy floss and a ferris wheel a couple of towns away.

I wish they'd come to my town. It's UNfair.

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An irish sailor with the steering wheel of a ship jammed into his crotch walks into a bar

He walks into the bar

The bartender approaches him worried and says to the sailor " What the fuck man is that a steering wheel?"

To wich the sailor replies "Aye lad, it's drivin me nuts"

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A witch put a curse on me and now my penis has a steering wheel

It drives me nuts

Millions of years ago, there was no such thing as the wheel.

One day, some primitive guys were watching their wives drag a dead mastodon to the food & fire area. It was exhausting work; the guys were getting tired just watching.

Then they noticed some large, smooth, rounded boulders and they had a great idea! They could sit on top of the boulders a...

Where is the best place to cheat on someone.

A Ferris wheel

So I saw a kid getting bullied at my school today...

I would've stood up for him, but I'm bound to a wheelchair.

How far does a car go with square wheels?

Four blocks.

I’ve been driving for Uber/Lyft full time for a few months now and my wrists are starting to hurt from turning the steering wheel so much.

I think I’m getting Car Pool Tunnel

Jesus take the wheel

Carlos and Jose help me carry the sofa

What has got one wheel but you have to give it back?

A wheelborrow.

A pirate walks into a bar with a ships steering wheel down his pants.

The bartender says to him “hey buddy, you know you have a steering wheel down your pants?”

The pirate yells in response “ARRR! It’s driving me NUUUTS!”

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I saw a bloke at the beach with a steering wheel on his Willy

I said ‘mate, you know you’ve got a steering wheel on your knob’

He said ‘yeah, it’s driving me nuts’

Why is it wrong to bully people in wheel chair?

Because they can't stand up for themselves.

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The naughtiest thing I ever did was have sex on a ferris wheel.

I really got around.

Wife Missing?

The first thing a grieving husband should do is CALL THE COPS!

Husband: "My wife of 15 years is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!"
Sheriff: "Height?"
Husband: "I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall."
Sheriff: "Weight?"
Husband: "Don't kn...

The guy who built my bicycle wheels also does commercials for the shop.

He's a spokesperson.

My crippled friend said he wanted hot wheels for his birthday

So I lit his wheelchair on fire

You know why my Grandpa got new wheels on his car?

He retired.

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what do you call a nun in a wheel chair?

Virgin Mobile

If a plane tries to land but can't deploy its wheels, what sound does it make when it bounces off the ground?

Boeing

Whoever invented wheel,...

... started a revolution.

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to the front of his pants...

The barkeep says "I have no problem serving pirates, but I gotta ask...what's with the steering wheel?"

The pirate looks at him and says "Arr, it be drivin me nuts..."

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A boy come home from school and says "Guess what mom? I had sex with my teacher today!"

The mother is furious, frustrated, and mortified all at once and scream to her son:

"GO TO YOUR ROOM!! YOUR FATHER WILL DEAL WITH YOU WHEN HE COMES HOME!!!"

So after a short dinner, and a long conversation, the boy hears his dad thumping down the hallway to his room. The father opens t...

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F*cking Audi four wheel drive!

It was a snowy wednesday evening. Snow had fallen for a couple of days, and the roads were treacherous.

A man walks into a bar, and while passing through the door he loudly clears his throat and spits in the corner, followed by a mumbled "Fucking Audi four wheel drive!".

He sits down, ...

I met a girl online that was in a wheel chair.

We agreed to meet up for drinks but she stood me up.

I really wish this wasn't a true story.

What does it mean when you have wheels and a country girl wants you?

It means you *a tractor*

What do you call two people in a wheel chair?

A pair of plegics.

You know times are tough when you see a millenial playing Wheel Of Fortune

And they have to rent an 'A'.

Bicycle jokes won't impress you

But a unicycle one wheel

I used to have a full size wooden car. Wooden wheels, wooden engine, wooden seats.

BUT, when I tried to drive it, it wooden go.


Credit : u/johnnycrosshatch

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A LONG ONE( but worth it): One wet, cold morning...

A bus driver was just starting along his route. It was still dark and raining and the temperature hovered just above freezing.

As he approached the first stop on his route he could see some poor soul laying on the bench. He stopped the bus, opened the doors and called out to the soaking wet p...

Did you hear about the millennial on Wheel of Fortune?

He tried to rent a vowel.

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A Mexican man cannot find work and finally heads home for the evening.

On his way home, he finds a cross at the bottom of a hill. So he kneels and prays to God, "Please God, let me find a way to feed my family".


At the top of this hill, a black man was walking home from grocery shopping when the bottom of his bag gave out and a cheese wheel rolled straight ...

I had a dream I was a wheel

I woke up tired

A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend.

She was thrilled at the speed. "If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked. "Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend. And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes. Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thro...

When they put a computer at the wheel of a car, why didnt it work ?

They needed to install a driver

If anyone tries to sell you a transparent driving wheel...

Steer clear.

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Can you spare just $2.00? Ranji is a 9yr old living in Namibia, he only has 1 leg, 1 eye and 1 arm. Each day he has to ride 7 miles to school along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no brakes and only one pedal....

If you send just $2.00, you get the video for it. It's fucking hilarious.

A plane flies straight toward a mountain as pilot and co-pilot pull down on the control wheel with all their might

The pilot yells "We'll never make it over that mountain" the co-pilot looks at him and says "Not with that altitude."

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