The 44+ Best Wheel Jokes

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I started to let Jesus take the wheel, but then I remembered...

that motherfucker ain’t afraid to die.

My uncle was taking our picture at a dairy farm in Wisconsin when he was crushed by a giant wheel of cheese.

We tried to warn him.

Professor X [sitting in his wheel chair] asks a girl, "what is your mutant power?" Girl replies: "I can guess how many pulls to turn a ceiling fan off on the first try!"

She points up and says: "3 pulls"

Professor X stands up and pulls 3 times. After the third pull the fan turns off.

Professor X: "Yeah thats cool and all, but not really a super power..."
r>Girl: "Yeah I was jut kidding, I can heal paraplegics"

Professor X, still standing: ...

Wheel Chair bound congressman Madison Cawthorn lost his primary tonight.

Now it’s not just his doctors telling him that he can no longer run.

A pirate walks into a bar with an enormous ship's wheel attached to his groin.

He orders a grog, and as the bartender pours it he says, "Cap'n - forgive me - but what's with the wheel?"
The pirate replies, "Arrrrr - it's drivin' me nuts!"

Why did the wheel refuse to exercise?

Because it didn't want to tire itself out

Some couple was getting a little frisky behind the wheel of an Altima on a slick street, lost control and went slightly off the road, hit a tree with the front end and needed to call an ambulance and roadside assistance.

A classic case of Head, Shoulder, Nissan Tows, Ice, ERs, Mouth and Nose.

Have you heard about the guy stealing wheels of police cars?

The police are working tirelessly to catch him.

What has wheels and flies but it isn't an aircraft?

A Garbage truck

A white guy, a black guy, an Indian, an Asian women and a girl in a wheel chair walk into a bar

They are celebrating being on the cover of a middle school math book

I called the bicycle factory and asked to speak to whoever was in charge of wheels. The person who answered said they weren’t there, so I asked, “Okay, who are you?” She responded...

“I'm his spokes person."

My girlfriend broke up with me. So i took her wheel chair.

Guess who came crawling back.

What happened when the old tractors wheel fell off?

They decided to retire it.

I have no respect for those in wheel chairs who remain silent when people make fun of their disability

Stand up for yourself!

What will happen if you have a wooden car with wooden engine and wooden wheels?

It wooden start.

Why is it wrong to bully people in wheel chair?

Because they can't stand up for themselves.

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What do you call a prostitute on a Ferris wheel?

A rotary hoe

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What’s green and has wheels?

Grass. I lied about the wheels.

my daughter asked me for a set of wheels. told me shed give me rides anytime I wanted

So I got her a rickshaw for Christmas.

Sylvia was wheeled into the operating room.

The surgeon told the nurse, "Please prepare the instruments."

Sylvia glared at him and said, "Here I am at death's door and you want to play music?!?"

Motorcyclist: I can drive this motorcycle on one wheel!

4 year old: *gasp* wheelie?!

Why do the ferris wheel and the merry-go-round never go on holiday together?

Because they travel on different planes!

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What do you call a nun on a wheel chair?

Virgin Mobile

I just got a wooden motorcycle. It has a wooden frame, wooden handle bars, wooden wheels, and a wooden seat. Guess what?

It wooden start.

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A woman calls 911 and paramedics rush her unconscious husband to the hospital She limps into the ER as the nurses wheel him in on a stretcher,

his enormous erection clearly visible under the sheet. The doctor runs some tests and says to her "Ma'am, it appears your husband overdosed on Viagra and is in a coma. How long has he been like this?"

"About 4 days" she replies

"4 days?! Why did you wait until now to get help?"

...

An accordion player is getting sleepy at the wheel of his '93 Geo Metro hatchback, on his way home from playing at a bar mitzvah. His accordion lays on the passenger seat next to him...

... The accordion player decides to pull over at a small pub with a sign reading "$1 Beer Night." He takes some change out of his car's cup holder -- enough for a couple $1 beers.

Inside, he stacks his change on the bar (mostly nickels and pennies) and pretends not to notice the bartender's e...

A cop is driving down the freeway when he looks over and spots a granny knitting whilst balancing the steering wheel with her knees

He pulls alongside the granny, and angrily shouts "pull over!"

The granny shouts back, "no, it's a scarf"

Recently, i’ve tried to make a car without wheels.

I’ve been working on it tirelessly.

So, A Pirate goes to the bar and he has a Steering Wheel sticking out of his Crotch

So the Bar tender says “Hey man, whats with the wheel?”

so the Pirate tells him “Arrrr, its Drivin’ me nuts!”

I was bicycling through a city in France when suddenly my wheel fell off

It was too loose.

Great legs

The wife and I were in town shopping and as we came out of a store, three attractive young women aged between 18 and 20 walked by wearing tiny cropped tops and short short skirts. One of them, a tall blonde, had really fantastic long toned and tanned legs.I gently nudged my wife and said, "I bet you...

Why did the blonde get lipstick all over the steering wheel?

They were trying to blow the horn.

A person at the bus station asked me where these wheels were going.

I told him that the Bus itself was going to the next town over, but the Wheels on the Bus go round and round.

The Pope is on a visit to the US, riding in the back of a limo

The Pope is on a visit to the US, riding in the back of a limo. The driver asks him if he needs anything.

"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today."

"I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job...

Someone stole my car’s steering wheel

I just can’t handle it anymore.

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An old man in a wheel chair stole my camouflage jacket.

Bastard can hide but he can't run.

Third-wheeling a toxic couple is the worst...

Anyway, i have to go shopping with my parents

The other day I saw a pirate with a steering wheel on his belt

When I asked him about it he said “Arrgh, it’s drivin’ me nuts”

Name the worst two-wheel drive in Texas

Govenor Abbot

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A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his member.

He tells the bartender to give him a shot of his strongest rum in a dirty glass. The pirate drinks it and breaks the glass against the wall.

The bartender knows to keep his distance from the angry pirate, until he calls him over and demands another shot of rum in a dirty glass. The pirate thr...

Do you ever feel like the fifth wheel?

Think about it - wouldn’t that be the steering wheel?

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There's a guy who lives in Ohio

There’s a guy who lives in Ohio. One morning, he hears a voice in his head. The voice says, "Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and go to Las Vegas." He ignores the voice.

Later in the day, he hears the voice again. "Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and ...

Went to the fair yesterday and my wife fainted on the ferris wheel!

Don't worry, she's slowly coming around.

A state trooper pulled along side a speeding driver and is shocked when he sees a elderly woman behind the wheel knitting.

The trooper rolled down the window and yelled, "Pull Over!"

"No!" yelled the woman, "It's a cardigan!"

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