So, A Pirate goes to the bar and he has a Steering Wheel sticking out of his Crotch

So the Bar tender says “Hey man, whats with the wheel?”

so the Pirate tells him “Arrrr, its Drivin’ me nuts!”

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his crotch.

The bartender whinces and says "Are you alright? That looks painful!"

The pirate replied "Aar! Its driving me nuts!"

A man has been stealing wheels off of police cars

Police are working tirelessly to catch him

How does a wheel work?

Tirelessly.

My son tried riding his bike without training wheels today and the bike kept falling...

I guess you could say it was two tired!

To the man in the wheel chair who stole my camouflage jacket,

You can hide but you cant run.

I removed the wheels from my car, and surprisingly I'm still able to drive it

you could say it's working tirelessly.

They fired the guy who invented the wheel...

He was cutting too many corners.

What do you call a wheel that you wear?

A tire

What has 4 wheels and flies?

Garbage truck

When Apple created the $700 wheels...

Did they expect profits to start rolling in?

I told my kids I was gonna take them to that place with the Ferris wheel and cotton candy, but instead I took them to the dentist

They said it wasn’t fair

Late one night a police officer was patrolling a desolate area popular with young couples doing more than just sitting in the dark.

Catching his attention was a couple in a car with the interior light on. Moving closer, the cop could see a young man behind the steering wheel reading a newspaper. In the backseat a young blonde was knitting.

The lawman walked up to the vehicle and knocked on the driver-side window. The star...

I have a steering wheel stuck in my pants

It's driving me nuts

What do you Call a bus With no Wheels

A Lawsuit

I once bought a wooden car. Wooden engine, wooden doors, wooden wheels, wooden seats, put the wooden key in the wooden ignition.

Wooden start.

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I started to let Jesus take the wheel, but then I remembered...

that motherfucker ain’t afraid to die.

Recently, i’ve tried to make a car without wheels.

I’ve been working on it tirelessly.

I'm fine driving through tunnels when I'm on my own. But the minute I have multiple passengers and I drive through a tunnel, it hurts to hold the steering wheel.

I think I have carpool tunnel syndrome.

A white guy, a black guy, an Indian, an Asian women and a girl in a wheel chair walk into a bar

They are celebrating being on the cover of a middle school math book

Why does cheese come in a big wheel?

It’s a fris*brie*




sorry for such a cheesy joke

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Two men and a wheel of cheese

Two men and a wheel of cheese (Long)

*** This joke is better said than read, but imagine the accents and it’s funny as heck (I think at least...)

A Mexican man is down on how luck. His hours were cut at work so he is having trouble making ends meet. Because he’s a man of faith, he de...

What will happen if you have a wooden car with wooden engine and wooden wheels?

It wooden start.

People get mad at Tesla drivers for falling asleep behind the wheel.

My car must be broken. Every time I fall asleep while driving it takes me to the hospital.

A Yorkshire man's beloved wife passed away.

He went to the headstone maker to sort out the stone for her grave. Being a devout man, he decided the inscription should read 'She was thine'. The stonemason told him to return a week later.
A week later the man returns to inspect the stone. The proud stonemason wheeled it out in a trolley. It ...

I accidentally played dad instead of dead when i encountered a bear

Now it can ride a bicycle without training wheels.

So my girlfriend broke up with me. As payback I stole her wheel chair

Guess who came crawling back

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair,

and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors. Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic, the other residents tolerated her, and some of the males actually joined in.

One day, Ethel was speeding ...

Y'all ever just stop & think about all of the amazing, world changing, discoveries/inventions we use every day? Fire, the internet, refrigeration, the wheel, the combustion engine. My favorite invention?

The shovel. That was truly groundbreaking.

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What amusement park ride has a lot of iron?

The ferous wheel.

What do you call a race in wheel chairs?

Need For Speed Special Edition

What do you answer if somebody tells you that you are the 5th wheel on the wagon?

Yeah, the steering wheel.

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An old lady is rolling up and down the halls of the nursin home in her wheelchair making sounds like a car. VROOM VROOM!

An old man jumps out of his room and says "Ma'am you were speeding. License and registration please." She digs around in her purse, pulls out a candy wrapper and gives it to him. He looks it over, hands it back and sends her on her way with a warning.

The old lady is rolling up and down the h...

A rich man buys a new Lamborghini.

It's the most expensive car in the world, and he wants to show it off, so he takes it out for a spin.

At the first stoplight, an ancient Moped pulls up next to him. The elderly cyclist stares at the sleek, shiny surface of the automobile and asks, "What kinda wheels ya got there, sonny?"
<...

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A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde entered into a high-stakes TV culinary contest of the ages...

After the three women finished their cooking procedures, they individually lined up behind the curtain of the main stage and each rolled out a cart with their respective dish. To elaborate, three judges would be grading these women on their cooking capabilities.

When the time came for the pre...

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway... Glancing at the car he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting...

Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn,and yelled,"PULL OVER"
"No!"the blond yelled back," its
a scarf.

COVID Humor

Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.

I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerato...

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Frank takes his hot blind date, Heather, to an amusement park.

Frank and Heather agree that Heather should decide on the first thing to do, then Frank, then Heather, then Frank and so on.

"What do you want to do first?" asks Frank. "I want to get weighed," replies Heather.

So Frank takes Heather to the weight guesser. "Let me guess," says the weig...

What's Iron Mans favourite ride at the Carnival?

The Ferrous Wheel.

I was out shopping with the wife the other day when i saw a group of young ladies all wearing mini skirts.

I said, "Ooh look at those legs, I bet you wish you had legs like them?"
She didn't answer, but I think it upset her because I heard her sniffle as I wheeled her up the ramp into the next store

The shovel is a ground breaking invention, but it was the invention of the broom that truly swept the nation by storm. However, the invention of the wheel got things rolling...

And I’m just here wondering why our feet smell and our nose run...

What's purple, orange and yellow and has wheels?

A dolphin. I lied about the colour and the wheels

Some Communists took over a wheel factory today

They declared a revolution.

Ferrari hires some new employees

On Tuesday, Ferrari handed over the final pay-outs to its entire depot team and hired a group of young unemployed Somali men living near a road known as the Mogadishu area of ​​Helsinki. Ferrari's management team made its decision after seeing a document showing how these young people from Helsinki...

Help

Once after a heavy snowfall i was riding with a female co-worker. The roads had not yet been cleared of snow but we pushed ahead regardless, all the cars following in the same ruts. At the intersection the snowplow passed and left a pile of snow in front of us. We blew through it but it stalled the ...

A man drives his new car back to the dealership...

And he says "the car I bought last week doesn't work at night". So a mechanic tries starting the car with the lights already on. Then, he tried again but turning the lights on with the engine running. Nothing goes wrong, the mechanic explains that he can come back and get a different car if it has t...

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what a set up, for a dad joke. it's worth it tho

full disclosure, this isn't my joke, was sent to me


I knew a bloke who was a massive fan of tractors his whole life.

When he was a kid, he didn't have toy cars or posters of lambos on his bedroom wall, he had toy tractors and trailers and posters of the latest John Deeres.

...

I took the HOV lane underground, when suddenly my hands started cramping on the steering wheel.

Must be my carpool tunnel syndrome.

Strong Young Man

A strong young man at a construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen.

After several minutes, the older worker had enough.

"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said. "I...

It was the Best of Times, It was the Worst of Times...

Yes, it was the middle of the French Revolution, and Robespierre and his revolutionaries had gathered up a priest, a member of the aristocracy and an engineer, packed them into a tumbrel and dragged them off to the square to the waiting guillotine.

First they dragged the priest up onto the pl...

Why are so many Matchbox and Hot Wheels cars Fords?

So kids can get used to pushing them at an early age

What do you call a sugar daddy in a wheel chair?

Meals on wheels

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A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend.

She was thrilled at the speed.
"If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked.
"Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend.
And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes.
Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over.
The nake...

My local bar had a cat...

My local pub used to have a cat that would sit on the bar. All the regulars loved it. They would pet the cat, drunks would talk to it and it became an unofficial mascot of the bar.
One night just after closing time however, the cat was tragically run over by a truck outside the bar. It got mashe...

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My Wife is missing.

Husband:

My wife is missing.

She went out yesterday and has not come home...



Sergeant at Police Station:

What is her height?



Husband:

Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.



Sergeant:

Weight?



Husb...

I bought a chair without legs.

It was easy. I just wheeled up to the counter and gave the guy the money.

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I was out for a drive when the car suddenly started shuddering and the front wheel fell off.

I stopped and got out trying to figure out what the heck happened.
As I cross the front of the car I can see the tire is in the ditch by a fence that says, St Clements institute for the insane. I can plainly see that the lug nuts have all come off allowing the tire to falloff the car.
I quickl...

Late night At an empty gas station a man fills up his car and pays for the fuel...

He gets into the car and grips the steering wheel tightly before saying: now only one of us is empty..

What do you call Charlie Sheen in a wheel chair?

Roll AIDS

Two kids playing on the lawn

And one asks the other one "Hey, know how to ride a bycicle without the training wheels yet?"

"No, i donna" the other kid shrugged "You?"

"Nope, i donnie either"

Then their elder neighbor, who was watching them while watering her flowers, stopped what she was doing and approache...

I’ve been looking for a car wash that does a thorough job cleaning wheels,

But whenever I google “Best Rimjob” I get sleepy and take a nap.

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#1322: A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall.

They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, 'What is this Father?'

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in ...

I thought a man was taking the wheels off my Honda

Turns out he was doing it on his own accord

Why is it wrong to bully people in wheel chair?

Because they can't stand up for themselves.

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A witch put a curse on me and now my penis has a steering wheel

It drives me nuts

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Once upon a time there was a Cheerio.

(long)

This Cheerio dreamed of going to Perfect Cheerio Land, where only the best Cheerios lived. In Perfect Cheerio Land, there was everything a little Cheerio’s heart desired.

One day, when Cheerio woke up, an angel cheerio was at the foot of his bed. The angel said, “I am here to ta...

A cat died and went to Heaven

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met the animal at the Pearly Gates and said, “You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking.”

The cat thought for a moment and then said, “All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard, wooden floors… I would like a...

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A man walks into a bar with a steering wheel between his legs.

He says to the bartender, "ello mate, can I get a pint of bitter?" The bartender says "sure thing, but why is there a steering wheel between your legs?" The man says "No idea mate, but its driving me nuts."

Three men, exhausted from selling colored automobile wheels all day, decided to enter in a competition

Three men, exhausted from selling colored automobile wheels all day, decided to enter in a competition: who could render a knot out of a multi-colored suit-tie the fastest. They went on, waited in line, and eventually competed against each other, however in the end they all had the same time.
...

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What’s green and has wheels?

Grass. I lied about the wheels.

I've heard a lot about how important 'the wheel' was for civilization

But I think it's time to recognize 'the shovel' for being the ground-breaking invention that it is.

The wheels on patrol car constantly end up falling off before I even make it back to the station. The boss asks if I’m working too hard

I said I’m working tirelessly.

If two wheeled vehicles make you angry, are you bi-furious?

You know, just asking for a friend...

What do you call a snowman on wheels?

A bICICLE





im so sorry...

A man has been at the Pub all night drinking

The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. So our man stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.

Once outside he stands up but again falls flat on his face. He crawls home. Reaching the door...

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