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Wheel Jokes

What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck!

Professor X [sitting in his wheel chair] asks a girl, "what is your mutant power?" Girl replies: "I can guess how many pulls to turn a ceiling fan off on the first try!"

She points up and says: "3 pulls"

Professor X stands up and pulls 3 times. After the third pull the fan turns off.

Professor X: "Yeah thats cool and all, but not really a super power..."
r>Girl: "Yeah I was jut kidding, I can heal paraplegics"

Professor X, still standing: ...

How does a wheel work?

Tirelessly.

There are a few criminals in my town that keep stealing wheels from parked police cars.

The cops are working tirelessly to catch the suspects.

Late one night a police officer was patrolling a desolate area popular with young couples doing more than just sitting in the dark.

Catching his attention was a couple in a car with the interior light on. Moving closer, the cop could see a young man behind the steering wheel reading a newspaper. In the backseat a young blonde was knitting.

The lawman walked up to the vehicle and knocked on the driver-side window. The star...

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The problem with letting Jesus take the wheel...

Is that that motherfucker ain't afraid to die.

Ferris wheels are predominantly made of steel...

If it was aluminium, they'd be non-ferris wheels.

Pat Sajak's job on Wheel of Fortune is heavenly...

It's Near-Vanna

Recently, i’ve tried to make a car without wheels.

I’ve been working on it tirelessly.

What happened when the old tractors wheel fell off?

They decided to retire it.

My girlfriend broke up with me. So i took her wheel chair.

Guess who came crawling back.

Why is it wrong to bully people in wheel chair?

Because they can't stand up for themselves.

What will happen if you have a wooden car with wooden engine and wooden wheels?

It wooden start.

Jesus take the wheel

Carlos take the stereo, Manuel get the seats and I'll be the Juan on watch.

What happened after the wheel was invented

a revolution

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s green and has wheels?

Grass. I lied about the wheels.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old man in a wheel chair stole my camouflage jacket.

Bastard can hide but he can't run.

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What do you call a nun on a wheel chair?

Virgin Mobile

Great legs

The wife and I were in town shopping and as we came out of a store, three attractive young women aged between 18 and 20 walked by wearing tiny cropped tops and short short skirts. One of them, a tall blonde, had really fantastic long toned and tanned legs.I gently nudged my wife and said, "I bet you...

A husband calls the Sheriff's office to report his wife missing.

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!

Sheriff: Height?

Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sheriff: Weight?

Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sheriff: Color of eyes?

Husband: Sort ...

I just got a wooden motorcycle. It has a wooden frame, wooden handle bars, wooden wheels, and a wooden seat. Guess what?

It wooden start.

My uncle was taking our picture at a dairy farm in Wisconsin when he was crushed by a giant wheel of cheese.

We tried to warn him.

Wheel Chair bound congressman Madison Cawthorn lost his primary tonight.

Now it’s not just his doctors telling him that he can no longer run.

A white guy, a black guy, an Indian, an Asian women and a girl in a wheel chair walk into a bar

They are celebrating being on the cover of a middle school math book

Why did the wheel refuse to exercise?

Because it didn't want to tire itself out

A pirate walks into a bar with an enormous ship's wheel attached to his groin.

He orders a grog, and as the bartender pours it he says, "Cap'n - forgive me - but what's with the wheel?"
The pirate replies, "Arrrrr - it's drivin' me nuts!"

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What do you call a prostitute on a Ferris wheel?

A rotary hoe

Sylvia was wheeled into the operating room.



The surgeon told the nurse, "Please prepare the instruments."

Sylvia glared at him and said, "Here I am at death's door and you want to play music?!?"

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants

Bartender: "Why do you have a steering wheel in your pants?"

Pirate: "Arrrr, it's driving me nuts!"

I once heard my car honking repeatedly and went outside to see my Pitbull in the front seat humping the steering wheel

Always knew he was a horn dog

Someone stole my car’s steering wheel

I just can’t handle it anymore.

So, A Pirate goes to the bar and he has a Steering Wheel sticking out of his Crotch

So the Bar tender says “Hey man, whats with the wheel?”

so the Pirate tells him “Arrrr, its Drivin’ me nuts!”

Joe took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe. "I want to get weighed," she said.

They ambled over to the weight guesser.
He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.
Next the couple went on the ferris wheel.
When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do.
"I want to get weighed," she said. Back to the weight gue...

The Pope goes to New York and gets picked up at the airport by a limousine.

When he sees the car, he motions to the driver and says: "Do you mind if I ask you a favor?"

"A favor for the Pope??" exclaims the driver, "of course - anything!"

"You know, I hardly ever get to drive, and I'd really like it if I got to drive now. Would you please let me?"
...

Bill Clinton dies and goes to hell

The devil awaits him. He says “Bill, don’t worry, it’s not as bad down here as they say. I let you pick your eternal punishment for yourself.”

“What are my options?” Bill asks.

So the devil shows him around.

Behind the first door is Ronald Reagan. He’s chained up, and getting w...

Third-wheeling a toxic couple is the worst...

Anyway, i have to go shopping with my parents

Do you ever feel like the fifth wheel?

Think about it - wouldn’t that be the steering wheel?

Third wheeling with a toxic couple SUCKS.

Btw.. I'm with my parents right now..

I have no respect for those in wheel chairs who remain silent when people make fun of their disability

Stand up for yourself!

Name the worst two-wheel drive in Texas

Govenor Abbot

I was bicycling through a city in France when suddenly my wheel fell off

It was too loose.

I called the bicycle factory and asked to speak to whoever was in charge of wheels. The person who answered said they weren’t there, so I asked, “Okay, who are you?” She responded...

“I'm his spokes person."

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A lad was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend.

She was thrilled at the speed. "If I do 180mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked. "Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend. And as he gets up to 180, she peeled off all her clothes. Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thro...

Why did the blonde get lipstick all over the steering wheel?

They were trying to blow the horn.

Why do the ferris wheel and the merry-go-round never go on holiday together?

Because they travel on different planes!

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A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall.

They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.



The boy asked, “What is this, Father?”

The father, never having seen an elevator, responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like...

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Not for the easily offended - my favourite politically incorrect joke...

Man is walking through park. He sees a girl in a wheelchair crying.
"What's wrong?" man asks.
"Never been kissed before" girl says.
Man kisses her and she goes home happy.

Next day man walking through same park. Sees girl in wheelchair again crying.
"What's wrong?...

My Grandfather built me a car entirely out of wood

It had wooden seats, wooden doors, wooden steering wheel, wooden floors and a wooden engine. Unfortunately when I tried to start it, it wooden work.

A cop is driving down the freeway when he looks over and spots a granny knitting whilst balancing the steering wheel with her knees

He pulls alongside the granny, and angrily shouts "pull over!"

The granny shouts back, "no, it's a scarf"

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One day, Billy's teacher asked him, " I heard your mom had a baby. What did she have?"

Billy paused and thought for a moment and said, "I think she had a bicycle."

"Now Billy, you know that your mom didn't have a bicycle. What did she have?"

"Maybe it was a tricycle."

"Billy, don't stand there and lie to me. We're going to the principal's office right now!"
...

They fired the guy who invented the wheel...

He was cutting too many corners.

Why does cheese come in a big wheel?

It’s a fris*brie*




sorry for such a cheesy joke

What has four wheels and can't support a family?

A liberal arts major.

I lied about the wheels.

Went to the fair yesterday and my wife fainted on the ferris wheel!

Don't worry, she's slowly coming around.

Finally Wheel of Fortune is modernizing to reach more millennials with new rules.

Instead of buying a vowel they have to rent it.

The other day I saw a pirate with a steering wheel on his belt

When I asked him about it he said “Arrgh, it’s drivin’ me nuts”

my daughter asked me for a set of wheels. told me shed give me rides anytime I wanted

So I got her a rickshaw for Christmas.

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Husband goes to a police station, says ‘My wife is missing!’

Husband goes to a police station...
“My wife is missing! She went out yesterday and has not come home...”

Sergeant at Police Station:
“What is her height?”

Husband:
“Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall

Sergeant:
“Weight?”

Husband:
“Don't know. N...

Jesus took the wheel

and sold it to Juan for some booze money.

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A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his member.

He tells the bartender to give him a shot of his strongest rum in a dirty glass. The pirate drinks it and breaks the glass against the wall.

The bartender knows to keep his distance from the angry pirate, until he calls him over and demands another shot of rum in a dirty glass. The pirate thr...

Is this fairground big wheel made of iron?

Of course it is! It's a ferrous wheel

Michael Jordan is wheeled into the hospital for emergency surgery.

He’s brought into the operation room and meets his doctors, but he notices something strange. In the corner, there’s a stage being set up. An anesthesiologist is repeating jokes to herself and wiping her brow. The MRI techs are handling a soundboard in the back. The head surgeon is tuning a guitar b...

A person at the bus station asked me where these wheels were going.

I told him that the Bus itself was going to the next town over, but the Wheels on the Bus go round and round.

The pilot and copilot are coming into LAX and they are nervous.

Sweat pouring off their brows, they bring the 737 down quickly. As soon as the wheels touch they throw the engines into reverse, stand on the brakes as hard as they can and cry "Stop! Please stop!" The plane stops an inch from the end of the runway. The pilot says "That was the shortest runway I eve...

11 Minutes

A cop was patrolling late at night in a well-known lover’s spot, famous for all obscene activities. He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing.

The cop carefully approaches the car to get a closer look.
Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer ...

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I got my balls stuck in the wheel while I was driving again

It drives me nuts every time

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men and a wheel of cheese

Two men and a wheel of cheese (Long)

*** This joke is better said than read, but imagine the accents and it’s funny as heck (I think at least...)

A Mexican man is down on how luck. His hours were cut at work so he is having trouble making ends meet. Because he’s a man of faith, he de...

Atheist Bus Driver

(Turkish Joke, couldn't find it on Reddit, hopefully the translation does justice)

So I met a guy in jail whose nickname was "Atheist". I finally asked him why everyone called him this way; so he started telling his story:

"Well, I was a bus driver in our village. One day while driving...

Wheel of Fortune

Me: I'd like to buy a vowel
Pat: Aren't you a millennial?
Me: *sigh* I'd like to rent a vowel

Why are there no wheel chair characters in battle royal games?

Because it's last person standing wins.

A young French boy comes home with a wheel of cheese that he found.

His mother says, “Merci! Where did you find this Brillat-Savarin?”

The boy says, “No mommy, it’s nacho cheese.”

His mother says, “Are you sure? It says Brillat-Savarin on the label.”

“I know,” says the boy, “but when I found it, I heard a voice yell at me and say, ‘Hey, that’s n...

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A man takes a pleasant stroll on a Friday evening... suddenly, the Devil himself pops up in front of him

and whispers, "Take all the money in your wallet, go to this casino, and put them on the number 27!"

The man is first shocked, then becomes curious, and quickly yields, goes to the casino, puts all the money on 27 and wins!

Excited he exists the casino and meets the Devil again. The ...

Some Communists took over a wheel factory today

They declared a revolution.

Obama went on a run

and fell in a river.

-

three young boys pulled him out of the river. Obama said my god, you saved the president of your country. name any one thing you want and you'll have it.

-

The first boy said he wanted a house for his mother, they'd never had a house. Obama bought i...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's green and has wheels?

Grass. I lied about the wheels. (Norm McDonald)



Dumb, but I laughed

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy is driving when one of his wheels comes off!

He manages to pull over safely and recovers the tire.

When he does he notices that he does not have any spare lug nuts to re-secure the tire the car.

He spends a good long while pacing around the car and cursing. He notices that he is being watched by a man in blue scrubs and white sli...

Why are so many Matchbox and Hot Wheels cars Fords?

So kids can get used to pushing them at an early age

What do you call a race in wheel chairs?

Need For Speed Special Edition

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