This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

Farmer: Wheres my tractor?

Heard on Americas Funniest Home Videos 20+ years ago as a teenager. My stoned ass couldnt stop laughing at the stupidness of this joke as told by a 6 year old.

Did you hear the one about the magic tractor?

It went down the road and turned into a field.

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

Where’s my tractor?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My best friend loved tractors...

He absolutley lived for them. But one day he fell off a tractor, broke his leg and never rode one again.

2 years later I had a night out with him and he invited me back to his house. Upon arriving we noticed that his house was full of smoke! To my suprise, he took in a deep breath and blew ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

This kid loves tractors and it’s his favourite thing in the world.

He has everything relating to tractors, bed sheets, toys and posters, the lot. He would always talk about them every moment he possibly could.

Anyways his dad for his 8th birthday he takes his son to the farmers market. The kid was in his element, he sees every possible tractor he could imag...

Every day, my neighbor gets on his tractor, and starts yelling, “The end is near!”

I hate living next to Farmer Geddon.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There once was a man who loved tractors,

There once was a man who loved tractors, I mean he absolutely adored them. He had tractor models, tractor wallpaper, remote control miniature tractors, tractor board games, even some tractor anime(which is not easy to find mind you). The only thing that even came close to his love for tractors, was ...

Ever hear of an alien reptilian on a tractor?

Illuminati cornfarmed.

A boy gets a tractor for his birthday...

One day a young boy is lucky enough to be able to get a tractor for his birthday. He loves it and gets really good at driving it. Eventual once he is a bit older he enters into a tractor race and he manages to win first place. He gets better and better, entering more and more races earning quite a b...

There was a child who was absolutely obsessed with tractors

He had tractor wallpaper, model tractors, pictures of tractors.. everything was about tractors for him.

However, as he grew older his love for tractors faded.

He went to university, married a girl and they had kids.

One day he came home and his house was on fire and his family w...

The Chicken and the Horse

On a farm in the countryside, there was a chicken and a horse that were best friends, and they often went walking through the pastures together, just talking.  

One day while on one of their walks, the horse fell into a mire, and was steadily sinking.  The horse was getting very afraid and as...

There was a Farmer and he really loved tractors.

He was a huge tractor fan.

One day he decided to take his John Deer tractor down to the local grocery store. A short way into his journey the tractor steering locked and brakes failed it was on a set course through the gates of the school and into a the path of a group of children playing ou...

Anyone heard about that new film about the tractor?

I just saw the trailer.

Did you know Hitler was very opposed to tractor-trailers?

Turns out he was a huge anti-semi.

A child who loved tractors (sorry if it’s a repost, haven’t seen it yet)

There was a young boy born to a family of farmers, his name was Ryan.

From a very early age he was amazed by all the machinery on his farm, but especially the tractors, his father owned four, each unique to their tasks. The large red one for the tonnes of wheat, the slightly smaller green one...

Tractor Fan

I once had a friend named Gary. Gary loved tractors. He spent his whole childhood on tractors, cleaning them driving them and even fixing them. But once, when Gary turned 16 he was driving his new tractor that stalled, throwing him into the air, breaking his leg. He was devastated. Since that day he...

As a young boy, Joe was completely obsessed with tractors.

He had pictures of tractors all over his bedroom walls; he had tractor toys, tractor T-shirts, a tractor carpet, and duvet cover, the whole works.
He ate, drank and slept tractors.

On his 17th birthday he was thrilled to get an invitation to go to a tractor factory nearby and test-drive ...

There was a young man who was obsessed with tractors as long as he could remember...

When the “World’s Biggest Tractor” was going to be displayed at the county fair, he knew he had to go. He saved up some money, drove to the event, and was first in line to see the tractor up close.

As he was examining the wheels, the tractor ended up lurching forward, pinning his legs as he t...

What do you call a math tool that supports farming vehicle rights?

Protractor

What's the difference between a tractor and a giraffe?

One has hydraulics and the other has hybollocks

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man visits a couple...

who are having some marriage issues. The man walks in and sees the wife and asks "Where is Roberto?"

"He's in the barn doing only God knows what," she replies.

So the man begins walking to the barn. As he gets closer he hears music and sees Roberto dancing. Roberto begins to slowly tak...

A man on a tractor has just driven past me shouting, “The end of the world is nigh!!"

I think it was Farmer Geddon.

How did the farmer find his missing wife?

He tractor down. 🚜🚜🚜

There once was a man who really loved Tractors

There once was a man who really loved Tractors. He collected them, he drove them around town, he went to tractor shows, he loved anything to do with tractors. One day, at a tractor show, he got hit by a tractor and was severely injured. After months in hospital and rehab, he finally got his life bac...

Tractor fan

I once had a friend called Sam. When we were young, Sam had an obsession with tractors. He loved them. He had toy tractors, tractor bedsheets, tractor memorabilia - anything to do with tractors fascinated him.
For his 12th birthday, his mother decided to take him to a tractor convention and Sam w...

I used to hate tractors, but I did a complete 180

Now I'm protractor.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Hillbilly Stripper

Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old John Deere tractor.

He performs a slow pirouette, and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He t...

Why did the tractor sell medicines?

Because it was a farm assist!


... I'm sorry...

A tractor enthusiast

A tractor enthusiast from the country decides to leave his farm and assortment of tractors for a life in the city. He gets a job in a fancy high rise building. One day, the floor he works on catches fire. With one breath the man sucks up all the smoke and flames and blows it out the window. When all...

Tractors

For a long time now, I've had an obsession with tractors. When I was little, all I asked for for my birthday was tractor related stuff. I had tractor toys, tractor stationary, tractor bags.

When I was 17, my parents bought me my very first tractor. It was a bit rusty, but I was just elated ...

There was this little boy who was obsessed with tractors...

...he grew up around tractors, his mother and father were both farmers, and the family lived on a farm. Every day he would get driven to school on a tractor, and his dad would always pick him up on a tractor. Whenever christmas came around, he would always wish for tractor toys, miniatures, and pret...

Do you want to know why I called your girlfriend a tractor?

Because she's an upgrade to that hoe you had earlier.

I used to be a huge fan of tractors.

When I was younger I loved them in all shapes and sizes. This was until I went to the county fare when I was 10, and the farmer refused to let me sit in his tractor. I ran home and cried my eyes out, tore all the tractor posters off my wall and that was that.

11 years later standing in the do...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Jimmy was always a big fan of tractors

He absolutely LOVED them. He had tractor models, tractor wallpaper, remote control tractors and even tractor board games. All he ever wanted to do was one day own his own tractor. When Jimmy was 15 he even managed to find himself some tractor porn, which was not easy to come by. One day whilst Jimmy...

Worlds biggest tractor enthusiast...

A man spends his life collecting memorabilia, merchandise and every other trinket to do with tractors. He works in a tractor shop, has tractor dreams and spends every moment of his free time working on his very own tractor.
One day however, he realises that he needs more, so he turns his life ar...

What's the difference between a black person and a tractor?

When a tractor doesn't work, no one makes excuses for it.

My brother-in-law, a retired farmer, collects antique tractors.

He has an entire barn full of them, absolutely amazing, not even any room to walk, and all in perfect working order. He confided in me the other day what his worst fear is. "A barn fire?" I asked. "No, not at all. I'm afraid that when I am gone, my wife will sell all my tractors for what I told her ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So my mate used to be really into tractors...

His dad was a farmer and shit, and he loved all types of tractors. He even wore a John Deere hat on occasion.

Then one day he woke up, and decided that he just didn't like tractors anymore. His days of loving tractors were over. Weird.

Later that night, he went to a nightclub where ev...

A young man once loved tractors

He had his dream job on a farm and had memorabilia all over his home. One day the young man receives his copy of tractor monthly and sees that an international tractor convention will be coming to town.

The young man works harder than ever all month in order to fulfil his dream of owning a t...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man is kissing a tractor

A man is kissing and hugging a tractor
Another man goes up to him and says "what on earth are you doing to this tractor" the man replies explaining that him and his wife are having some marriage problems so a friend said that he should do some sexy thing to a tractor. (Attract her)

First ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

NSFW A farmer goes to a tattoo studio to get a tractor tattoed on his penis

Halfway through he says to the tattoo artist:

"You better put the 4WD on, cause this one is going down a dirty path!""

Once there was a boy who really liked tractors...

Tractors were his biggest hobby. He had lots of toy tractors and on weekends he would go and watch the farmers drive their tractors around in the fields.
As he grew older, he still liked tractors, but not as much because he started to find other interests.
When he turned 20 he met a beautifu...

The man who loved tractors

A while ago, there was this man living in Devonshire called Paul. He lived in the rural areas and LOVED tractors. Big ones, small ones, long ones, short ones, red ones, green ones, grey ones, you name it. He was also a member of the Tractor Society, which would put out a magazine every month.
...

Person 1: "Have you seen that new movie about the tractor?"

Person 2: "No, but the trailer looks good."

It starts off with a farmer having a young son who is really really interested in tractors.

For his 3rd birthday his father takes him to a tractor show and the boy loves it, he can't get enough of it.

For his 10th birthday his father lets him ride with him on his tractor, again the son is loving tractors, can't get enough of them.

For his 17th birthday the father buys his son...

What do you call a bunch of tractors parked in front of a McDonald's on Friday night in Iowa?

Prom

Got stuck behind a tractor on the way to work this morning. The bloke on top wouldn't stop screaming "We're all doomed! The end of the world is nigh! Repent!"

Turned out it was Farmer Geddon

Have you heard about Terry the tractor lover?

He was the ultimate tractor enthusiast, his bedroom was plastered with tractor posters, his bed was adorned with a tractor bed spread, tractor toys littered the floor and tractor maintenance DVDs dominated his shelves.

Shortly after Terry's 18th birthday (where he of course had a tractor bir...

What is the best Donald Trump joke you've heard?

Don’t know if this one is in here yet, but here goes:

Trump is visiting a class in an elementary school where they are talking about words and meanings. The teacher asks Trump if he would like to lead the class in a discussion of the word “tragedy”. (No, not the punch line yet)

So he a...

Tim was a fan of tractors all his life...

When he was young he had a tractor bed spread, toys and posters. He would tell all his friends at school of the latest tractor models being made and loved them more than anything. The years went by and eventually Tim was old enough to drive a tractor and so for his birthday his parents took him down...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Tractors

So there's this guy who loves tractors. Ever since he was young and his father sat him upon one of these beastly machines, he's been in love with them. Growing up, he bought toy tractors, he drew tractors, he even had tractor wallpaper.

As he got older, he eventually bought a tractor with hi...

My friend loved to collect tractors but stopped after he had a bad accident in one. These days he helps the fire service by removing all the smoke from burning buildings...

...he is an ex-tractor fan.

So a farmer goes in to tractor supply...

And he asks the clerk if they have a milking machine. The clerk says, "why sure! How many cows do you have?" The farmer tells him just 1 cow. The clerk finds this odd and asks him why he needs a very expensive milking machine for just one cow.

The farmer says, " Well the other night I tried m...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Was 12, living with abusive aunt and uncle

We lived on an old farm. No animals, just fields.

Uncle goes to the market to buy a horse, ends up spending more than expected because it's bred from some old bloke's prized stallion.

Although expensive, aunt loves it. Because it's all muddy she calls it "Dirty". She was a fucked up li...

Joe and his tractors

So there's this guy named Joe. For years Joe loved tractors. He was obsessed with them. He had tractor posters, tractor calendars, tractor bedsheets, tractor wallpaper, tractor simulators. Anyways one day Joe is at the annual tractor convention in LA and he sees the brand new XJ54330 tractor. It's t...

What do you call a good looking tractor?

Attractor

What do you call a person who loved tractors but doesn't any more?

An extractor fan

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There's a young farmer who really likes tractors... (Shaggy dog story)

One day when ploughing the fields he sees a notice pinned to a tree just outside his land. It read:
*The infamous travelling tractortent has arrived in town! Hundreds of tractors all inside one massive tent! Raffle for a chance to drive a shiny top-of-the-range tractor!*
He didn't have an...

Want to hear my impression of an extractor fan?

I used to like tractors, but I don't anymore.

So there's this boy who loves tractors

He lived on a farm, and watched the tractors drive by all day. He subscribed to tractor magazines, collected tractor figurines, had loads of tractor posters on his wall and even had some DVDs of tractor documentaries. He lived his whole childhood loving tractors.
On his 17th birthday, his dad sa...