Two English gentlemen are commuters, using the Tube to the City. They get on and off at the same stations, and having done it for years they occasionally nod greetings or even exchange a “good morning.”

One of them looked really unhappy one day and the other said “I know we haven’t been introduced but if you don’t mind me saying it you do look a bit peaky.”
“My false teeth are killing me.”
“Hmmm. If you let me have a good look I may be able to help you.”
“Oh please do...”
“Give me a da...

What's the difference between a commuter's phone and a 737 MAX?

The phone doesn't randomly lose Lyft completely while operating.

Doctors are reporting a new disease affecting commuters in New York.

It only appears to be affecting drivers traveling in groups through the Lincoln Holland Tunnels. The symptoms are pain in the hands and wrists.

Doctors are calling it Car Pool Tunnel syndrome.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There are two priests on a small commuter flight

with half a dozen kids from an orphanage. Half way through the flight the pilot comes back and says the plane has lost both engines, they are going to crash and there and only two parachutes.

The first priest says to the second "grab those 'chutes - we're out of here"

"What about the ...

It's hard work being a commuter.

You have to train a lot.

Have You Tried

A lady on a commuter train was reading a newspaper article about life and death statistics. Fascinated, she turned to the man next to her and asked, "Did you know that every time I breathe somebody dies?" "Really," he said, "have you tried mouthwash?"

Cell phone in public...

After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in his seat and closed his eyes.
As the train rolled out of the station, the young woman sitting next to him pulled
out her cell phone and started talking in a loud voice:
"Hi sweetheart. It's Sue. I'm on the train".
"Yes, I know it's the six t...

Job Application Humor

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Cover letter: "I would be prepared to meet with you at your earliest
convenience to discuss what I can do to your company."

That's what we're afraid of ...

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A Frenchman, a Cuban, and a Texan are seated together on a plane...

The pilot announces an engine failure in their small commuter craft. Shortly after, the second engine fails. The pilot, in an attempt to drop dead weight instructs all luggage and passenger items to be thrown overboard.


It isn't enough, they're not gonna be able to glide to safety. Th...

What fills the entire volume of its container and may become volatile and explosive when compressed?

NYC subway commuters.

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