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Crashed Jokes

Airplane crashed into a cemetery.

Rescuers have already pulled 10,000 dead bodies from the wreckage and are still pulling out more...

A man with hearing problems crashed his car into an expensive car,

The owner of the expensive car walks out of his house and says “give me 10.000 dollars or I’ll beat the hell out of you!!” The man replies “Woah woah buddy I don’t have that much, but let me call my son he trains dolphins”. The man calls his son and right as he was about to talk the owner of the exp...

Air Force One crashed on a farm in Nebraska

Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force. When they got there, the disaster was clear. The aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hull left smoldering in a tree line that bordered a farm.

The sheriff and his men entered the smoking mess but did...

There were two white Christian men, John and Mike, whose plane crashed into a desert.

Luckily they survived unharmed. As they traveled through the hot desert looking for food and water, they gave up and sat down, thinking of what to do.

As the dust in the air settled, they suddenly could view a mosque ahead. They became very hopeful. But then John said ''Muslims are there. The...

A truck filled with Worcestershire sauce and a truck filled with quinoa crashed in front of the local charcuterie shop.

When asked by reporters what had happened a witness replied, "Well... it's kind of hard to say..."

Three engineers were riding in a car, went down a hill, and crashed.

The mechanical engineer said, "It must be the brakes. Let me check 'em out." The electrical engineer said, "I think it was something in the electrical system. Let me check it out." The software engineer said, "Let's push it back up the hill and run it again."

Shame about the Tesla driver that crashed while watching a movie.

He should've watched the trailer.

My wife crashed the car while listening to Adele

She was Rolling in the Jeep.

A plane crashed upon an uninhabited island.

Two survivors: a regular guy and Scarlett Johansson. Well, the two have built a hut while waiting for rescue, got enough to eat for now. A few weeks pass, they get lonely so they enter a relationship.

A couple more months pass, and Scarlett notices the guy become really brooding.

\- Wh...

Wife crashed the car again today. She told the police the man she collided with was on his mobile phone and drinking a can of beer.

Police said he can do what he likes in his own living room.

My computer crashed a few hours into writing my paper

looks like I'm gonna have to write my name and the date again

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men, a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree.

Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St. Peter and the Devil were standing nearby.

"Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, St. Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering...

So a cement mixer and a prison bus crashed on the highway near my house...

Police advised citizens to be on the lookout for a group of hardened criminals.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An airplane crashed into a jungle

An airplane crashed into a jungle and only two friends sorvived, as they ware walking in the forest, they find the camp of the jungle tribe, their leader sees them and shouts loudly: "FUCK THEM! " and the whole tribe started runing towards them, and they started runing away from them, after a while ...

A scientist finds a crashed alien spaceship

An alien is still alive and the scientist helps him fix the spaceship so the alien can go back home.

As a sign of gratitude, the alien tells the scientist that he will answer him a single question, whatever it is or however it's formulated. As the alien was about to take off, the scientist f...

Just crashed my new Kia.

Now I have Nokia

They finally figured out why the computerized self driving car has crashed...

They didn't install the driver.

Yesterday I accidentally crashed through the glass door of a French bakery.

I was….in a world of pain.

A plane carrying picnic baskets has crashed in the jungle

Rescue attempts are being hampered

What did Stephen Hawking say when his computer crashed?

Nothing.

My computer crashed at work

Now all the other computers have slowed down so they can see what's happening.

The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve.

It was an apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I was watching porn on my laptop when my roomate slapped his weed sticker on it so hard that it crashed.

Stickers and stoners can break my boners...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old man crashed his car into a very expensive automobile.

The owner of the automobile told him: “Give me $10,000 cash or I’ll beat you to a pulp.”

The old man says: “Hang on, I don’t have that much cash. Let me call my son who trains dolphins.”

Old man rings his son, but before he gets to speak, the car owner grabs the phone from him and tell...

Two cars crashed close to a bar at noon...

One driver died instantly. The other was thrown out of the windscreen, hit the ground, and broke several bones. He screams and shouts for help.

A man that was drinking at the bar leaves and sees the scene. He goes close to the screaming man and asks:

\- No one has arrived yet?

\...

My computer just crashed

I think it’s due to a bad driver.

Did you hear about the cheese truck that crashed?

The street was littered with de brie

A Cessna 150 crashed in an Irish cemetery...

... police say so far they've recovered 80 bodies.

My friend crashed his motorbike.

He’s brain-damaged and both his legs are broken.

You know, I’m really not surprised that he crashed his bike then.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man who was absolutely obsessed with trains one day finally stole one and immediately crashed it, killing several people on board.

At the trial, he is found guilty of multiple murders and is sentenced to death.

Before facing his death sentence, he's offered one last meal, and requests a single banana, which is given to him. The next day, he's led to the electric chair. They strap him in, pull the switch... but nothing ha...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Crashed my car recently.

I was in my car and started to drift to the side. I overcorrected and rolled my vehicle. The only thing broken was the glass. In other words, crash due to driver error; need to repair Windows.

A truck loaded with thousands of copies of thesauruses crashed yesterday

Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and perplexed.

Russian prime minister Medvedev comes to Putin and nervously tells him to abolish time zones.

" I fly to another city, call home and everyone is asleep. I woke you up at 4AM but I thought it was only evening. - I call Angela Merkel to congratulate her on her birthday and she tells me she had it yesterday. - I wish the Chinese President a happy New Year, and he says it will be tomorrow."
<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bus full of nuns crashed and they all line up at the gates to heaven to talk to St. Peter

The first admits: "I've once seen a penis!" so St. Peter oders her to wash her eyers from a basin with holy water

the second admits: "I've once touched a penis", so she is told to wash her hands from the same basin.

Suddenly there is pushing and rumbling a bit further back in the line....

Did you hear about the LEGO truck that crashed on the highway?

Authorities are still trying to piece everything together...

No! It crashed again...

Roses are red;

Violets are blue

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I crashed into a dwarf at some traffic lights

He got out of his car and said "I'm not happy."
I replied, "Well, which one are you then?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A old man with a old pickup crashed into a BMW

The BMW owner said "what the fuck! Are you blind?" And the old man said "relax man!"

" How do you think that I can be relaxed, you just crashed my car! "

" Look, I produce a delicious craft beer at my house, take a bottle and chill"

He drinks the bottle and likes it, so he asks ...

Airplane crash survivor monkey

A monkey was the only survivor of a large airplane crash that happened close to an airport. There was heavy destruction, chaos and wreckage parts everywhere, smoke, fire, ambulances, police, aviation forensics, firefighters, airport representatives, television reporting crew, the whole nine yards. N...

A farmer saw a plane full of politicians crash near his farm

A farmer saw a plane full of politicians crash near his farm. When the police arrived, they asked the farmer what happened.

Farmer: They crashed near my farm and I buried all of them.
One of the police men asked with shock; "are you sure they were all dead"?

Farmer: Some of them we...

Did you hear about the plane that crashed into the trampoline factory?

Witnesses heard a loud Boeing!

A van carrying snooker equipment has crashed in the motorway

Queues on both sides.

Did you hear about the clown car that crashed in the middle of nowhere?

There were 30 casualties

A bus full of housewives going on a picnic crashed

With no survivors.


Each husband cried for a week, but one husband continued for more than two weeks. When asked he replied miserably, "My wife missed the bus."

They won't admit the Egypt flight crashed...

...because they're all in *da nile.*

Bill Gates dies and goes to heaven,

where Saint Peter gives him a nice, modern six-bedroom house with a pretty garden and a tennis court. Pleased with his lot, Bill quickly settles into the afterlife.

One day he is out walking when he bumps into a man wearing a fine tailored suit.

"That's really nice," says Bill. "Where ...

My grandfather used to drive stock cars every weekend, but he crashed a lot.

He was a terrible racist.

Two Irish hunters from Belfast hired a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose.

They bagged six. As they started loading the plane for the return trip home, the pilot tells them the plane can take only three moose.

The two Irishmen objected strongly, stating; "Last year we shot six moose and the pilot let us put them all on board and he had the same plane as yours."
<...

A blind person tripped on his way into a restaurant and crashed onto the floor.

The waiter rushed up and asked if he was ok. The blind man said "Fall...awlful..." And the waiter said "sorry we don't have that on the menu but there's a Mediterranean place next door."

A bus full of politicians crashed in a remote village.

Days later, when the reporters went there they found that all the corpses have been buried. And they went to the village chief to ask about the details. He told them how it was raining and that their bus lost control and crashed into a tree.
And then the politicians in the bus were screaming that...

A truck carrying vicks vaporub crashed on the highway.

However, there was no congestion for hours.

Why did the guy who never crashed his car get pulled over?

Wreck-less driving

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Escalade with four Nazis crashed off a cliff. The news is calling it a tragedy.

Because a Escalade holds eight.

A lorry carrying 300kg of strawberries crashed into a lorry carrying 50kg of sugar.

Instead of helping clear up the accident cars drove through the mess and the jam was getting thicker!

An Air Lingus (Ireland’s National Arline) crashed into a Dublin cemetery this morning …

So far first responders have retrieved 9,000 bodies.

What did the pilot say before he crashed into the mountain?

"Kobe!"

I crashed the car, dad

\- Dad, dad, I have some good and some bad news.

\- I'm busy, just tell me the good one

\- The airbag works fine

A plane crashed into an island and three friends were the only survivors

A blonde, redhead and brunette were left stranded on the island. Figured they would need help to get off the island, they split up to look any inhabitants that might help them.

The redhead stumbled on a magical lamp, rubbed it and out came a genie. "I will grant you one wish," said the genie....

A woman ran a red traffic light and crashed into a man’s car.

Both of their cars are demolished, but amazingly neither of them was hurt.
After they crawled out of their cars, the woman said, “Wow, just look at our cars! There’s nothing left, but fortunately, we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in ...

I was wondering why my face mask crashed...

Turns out it's one of those WiN95 masks.

A Car full of bank robbers has crashed into a cement truck yesterday while evading police …

The police are now searching for hardened criminals.

A woman accidentally crashed her car into a van because she was using a vibrator while driving. The hospital said she is in “stable and extremely relaxed” condition.

The driver of the van said he never saw her coming.

An ice-cream van has crashed on the M25

Police are putting the cones out

Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery

A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Poland. Polish search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.

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