What happens when Frogs park their vehicles illegally?

They get TOAD

If two wheeled vehicles make you angry, are you bi-furious?

You know, just asking for a friend...

A car mechanic had noticed something peculiar about the vehicles he was servicing.

It seemed to him that the German cars his customers brought in had more pronounced undersides than non-German ones. Audis were the worst offenders, and he was getting annoyed at how often he would have to work on cars that had less space for him to work between them and the ground.

One day, h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An undertaker buys 2 vehicles and decides to get custom number plates.

He makes one "HIS" and the other "HEARSE".

Ford is creating a new company to manufacture electric vehicles using Tesla software and batteries.

They're naming it Edison.

What do vehicles do in discos?

They brake-dance

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm a slut for MILFs with vehicles.

Guess I'm a car ma whore.

A new study has found that 98% of vehicular collisions with crows in Boston involve trucks and other large vehicles

Apparently they can all yell “cah, cah,” but not “bus, bus.”

So I hit another vehicles bumper the other day, so we both pulled over to the side of the road. The driver got out. I noticed he was a dwarf, he shouted, "I'm not happy!"

I replied, "then which one are you?"

Building electirc vehicles is illegal in Africa,

So i Madagascar.

Microsoft is working on software for self-driving vehicles.

I can't wait until my car suddenly stops in the middle of the highway and reboots to install updates.

I like my vehicles just like my violence

Domestic

With the rise of self-driving vehicles...

With the rise of self-driving vehicles, it's only a matter of time before we get a country song where a guy's truck leaves him too

Now that vehicles are driving themselves...

It won't be long until a country singer writes a song about their truck leaving them too.

The University of Kansas football program just traded in all their company vehicles for new ones...

They wanted Les Miles

Recent studies show that electric vehicles made by BMW have a ten percent better battery life.

Because they don't waste electricity by using their blinkers.

What does an Irishman say when you give him two heavily armoured vehicles for Christmas?

Tanks

Why do Ford vehicles have heated rear bumpers?

To keep your hands warm when you're pushing it

My local park doesn't allow wheeled vehicles inside.

Today a group of people are protesting this rule by driving a huge cart through the park. At first I didn't like the idea but I changed my mind and jumped on the banned wagon.

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Who is calling?

The phone rang at the motor pool and an authoritative voice demanded to know how many vehicles were operational.

Paddy answered, "We've got twelve trucks, ten utilities, three staff cars and that Bentley the fat-arsed colonel swanks around in."

There was a stony silence for a second ...

An Ukrainian immigrant in USA went to the Motor Vehicles Registry

An Ukrainian immigrant in USA went to the Motor Vehicles Registry (Department of Motor Vehicles or Secretary of State in some states) to apply for a driver's license. He had to take an eye test.The clerk shows him a card with the letters:

C Z W I X N O S T A C Z

"Can you read this?" th...

A friend bet me that I couldn't turn spaghetti into a motor vehicle

She was really mad when I drove pasta

They've got internet for vehicles in Hong Kong too...

They call it Wong Kar-Wai fi.

Why are automatic vehicles difficult to drive?

Because they don't come with a manual

BMW tried to make an amphibious vehicle...

Mercedes and BMW started selling amphibious vehicles. Soon, however, BMW was forced to stop selling them, as their customer's kept getting the Benz.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend works at NASA developing robotic exploration vehicles...

A few years back he was intensely busy with a major project involving a multi-million-dollar remote-controlled rover, often sleeping at the lab and coming home only once every 3-4 days to shower, change clothes, and feed his cats. One of his cats got sick at that time, but he didn't even have time t...

Which country will be the first to change to all electric vehicles?

Madagascar

What sound does Nintendo's security vehicles make?

Wii U Wii U Wii U Wii U

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I saw a stolen BMW today. I decided to call the police.

“Yes officer, I’ve just seen a stolen vehicle out here on the highway, westbound”

“With all due respect, civilian, there are hundreds, thousands of vehicles out there, it is incredibly difficult to spot a stolen vehicle if you don’t have the training for it. Did you see a smashed window or so...

Intelligent Crows

When I was in school, some professors noticed that the crows on campus were astoundingly intelligent. These crows recognized that when lights were green, cars could go and when they were red, cars would stop. Using this knowledge, the crows would put nuts on the crosswalk so that during a green ligh...

On a routine police patrol parked outside a local neighbourhood bar, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk.

The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes with the officer quietly observing.



After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his own car which he fell into.

He was there for a few minutes as a number of ot...

Uber dressed up some of their vehicles as Star Wars Stormtroopers in Manhattan...

I wouldn't mind riding one of those. They won't hit anything.

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