This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Redneck book of manners.....

1. Never take a beer to a job interview.


2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.


3. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.


4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.


5. Even if you're ...

With the rise of self driving vehicles, it's only a matter of time...

Until there's a country song where the guy's truck leaves him.

Why do French military vehicles have rearview mirrors?

So they can see the front lines

How does a musician make their vehicles more aerodynamic?

They remove the delivery sign

At the old junkyard some rusted vehicles were talking

The convertible race car looked around at everyone and said "Lets get out of here and go for a ride down the highway one last time."

The bicycle said "I can't I am just two tired".

The Unicycle and Tricycle at the same time exclaimed "We aren't two tired!"

The Motorcycle replies...

I've been hired to research vehicles for Scott Van Pelt's new fur delivery company

My business card reads *Scott Van Pelt Pelt Van Scout*

Microsoft is working on software for self-driving vehicles.

I can't wait until my car suddenly stops in the middle of the highway and reboots to install updates.

Military unit is in the field and a scout is sent forward to check out the condition of a nearby bridge

He returns and reports: "Bridge is passable for vehicles but not for people on foot." Officer gives him a surprised look: "What do you mean, passable for vehicle but not for people on foot? Don't you mean the other way around?" "No, no, sir. At the bridge there is a large dog that is loudly barking....

Homemade and 100% organic

Since it's my cake day, I'll give y'all a joke that I created by myself. One that tickles me.

Two car salesman were talking to each other about their sales. They were really impressed with the commissions they were making with electric cars. Then, one of them asked, "Why doesn't Dodge sel...

Where do crabs and lobsters park their public transport vehicles?

At the Bustacean

Did you hear about the really boring demonstration on unmanned aerial vehicles?

The guy droned for at least an hour.

You know how men who drive really expensive or large vehicles must be compensating?

What does that say about men who ride bicycles around?

Or men who just walk to where they're going?

The Kansas police found a large number of dead crows on the 135 outside of Witchita today

There was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.

A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu.

The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varyin...

Due to COVID-19, truck dealerships have moved sales of their vehicles out of their buildings and onto the streets.

They’re calling the new service:

Curbside pickup.

A Canadian cop is watching the bar after last call (Long)

Recently, during a routine patrol, an RCMP patrolman parked down the street, outside a Legion Hall just off the main Street at Dauphin, Manitoba.

After last call, the officer observed a man leaving the Legion Hall. The gentleman was so intoxicated that he could barely walk. He then stumbled a...

Why men shouldn't be Agony Aunts:

Dear Jim,
I left home for work last week and after less than a mile my car stalled and wouldn't start.
I walked back to our home to find my husband in bed with our 19 year old babysitter
They announced that the affair had been going on for two years.
Can you help me I'm desperate!
<...

Police have begun training Crows to search vehicles.

It's easier to search without a warrant because Police Crows always have Just Cawws.

What happens when Frogs park their vehicles illegally?

They get TOAD

Building electirc vehicles is illegal in Africa,

So i Madagascar.

Ford is creating a new company to manufacture electric vehicles using Tesla software and batteries.

They're naming it Edison.

So I hit another vehicles bumper the other day, so we both pulled over to the side of the road. The driver got out. I noticed he was a dwarf, he shouted, "I'm not happy!"

I replied, "then which one are you?"

In an alternate reality, bears speak and coexist with humans.

A prominent electrician (who happened to be a bear) employed several humans for various positions within his company. Some were in customer service, handling the phones. Others were on-site technicians who drove around town from job to job. One human, Mike, was hired to do two different jobs inside ...

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An undertaker buys 2 vehicles and decides to get custom number plates.

He makes one "HIS" and the other "HEARSE".

Why do Ford vehicles have heated rear bumpers?

To keep your hands warm when you're pushing it

A scientific study

I recently read a scientific study that was performed to investigate the number of birds being found dead in North America.

The scientists collected the dead bodies to keep accurate amounts of the deceased birds.

After months of collection, the scientists realized that nearly every s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Old joke my uncle likes to tell: There’s a policeman hanging around outside a bar near closing time to catch any drunk drivers…

As the bar closes for the night, he sees a man come out who looks extremely wasted. The man stumbles all over the place, drops his keys, and has trouble finding his car. As the cop is watching him stumble around, all of the other patrons get in their vehicles and leave. The man finally gets in his c...

If two wheeled vehicles make you angry, are you bi-furious?

You know, just asking for a friend...

The FIA will be introducing a new series of Grand Turismo races with zero emission fuel cell vehicles cleverly called Formula Zero,

or GTF0.

What do vehicles do in discos?

They brake-dance

My local park doesn't allow wheeled vehicles inside.

Today a group of people are protesting this rule by driving a huge cart through the park. At first I didn't like the idea but I changed my mind and jumped on the banned wagon.

A new study has found that 98% of vehicular collisions with crows in Boston involve trucks and other large vehicles

Apparently they can all yell “cah, cah,” but not “bus, bus.”

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