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Vehicles Jokes

Have you ever noticed how most Ford vehicles names are more fun when you put "anal" in front of them?

Probe, Explorer, Excursion, Endeavor, Ranger, Focus

It’s great that Turkey is providing heavy armoured vehicles to Ukraine.

Everyone loves tanks giving turkey.

With the rise of self-driving vehicles...

With the rise of self-driving vehicles, it's only a matter of time before we get a country song where a guy's truck leaves him too

Microsoft is working on software for self-driving vehicles.

I can't wait until my car suddenly stops in the middle of the highway and reboots to install updates.

Why are women so bad at backing up their vehicles?

Because we're constantly lied to about how long 6 inches is.

Why do the Russians put Z on all their military vehicles?

Because sooner or later they will all belong to Zelensky

Where do Detectives park their vehicles?

Undercover.

Why do Ford vehicles have heated rear bumpers?

To keep your hands warm when you're pushing it

What do Russian stock traders and Military vehicles have in common

They stopped working

What do you call vehicles falling from the sky?

Van Halen

Building electirc vehicles is illegal in Africa,

So i Madagascar.

Why do French military vehicles have rearview mirrors?

So they can see the front lines

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

putin walks into a meeting with all his top generals and demands "How is my special operation against Ukraine and NATO Nazis going!?"

The generals all look at each other nervously

"Well...." demands putin "tell me now!!"

The top general stands and says "Well we have been fighting for 4 weeks. We have lost over 15,000 brave soldiers, 6 generals, over 500 tanks and fighting vehicles, 3 ships, 100 planes and drones and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Who is calling?

The phone rang at the motor pool and an authoritative voice demanded to know how many vehicles were operational.

Paddy answered, "We've got twelve trucks, ten utilities, three staff cars and that Bentley the fat-arsed colonel swanks around in."

There was a stony silence for a second ...

What happens when Frogs park their vehicles illegally?

They get TOAD

How does a musician make their vehicles more aerodynamic?

They remove the delivery sign

At the old junkyard some rusted vehicles were talking

The convertible race car looked around at everyone and said "Lets get out of here and go for a ride down the highway one last time."

The bicycle said "I can't I am just two tired".

The Unicycle and Tricycle at the same time exclaimed "We aren't two tired!"

The Motorcycle replies...

Police have begun training Crows to search vehicles.

It's easier to search without a warrant because Police Crows always have Just Cawws.

Where do crabs and lobsters park their public transport vehicles?

At the Bustacean

My local park doesn't allow wheeled vehicles inside.

Today a group of people are protesting this rule by driving a huge cart through the park. At first I didn't like the idea but I changed my mind and jumped on the banned wagon.

Police patrol in the Outback

Recently a routine police patrol was parked outside a bar in the Outback.

After last call, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk.

The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.
...

What do vehicles do in discos?

They brake-dance

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Vehicles in Heaven

Three men go up to heaven at the same time. As they approach the Pearly Gates they have are greeted by a man at a podium in front of the gates. "Greetings" says the man "Before you go into heaven, you will be assigned a vehicle". The men think this is strange but they agree, "The quality of the vehi...

Did you hear about the really boring demonstration on unmanned aerial vehicles?

The guy droned for at least an hour.

Why are automatic vehicles difficult to drive?

Because they don't come with a manual

I've been hired to research vehicles for Scott Van Pelt's new fur delivery company

My business card reads *Scott Van Pelt Pelt Van Scout*

If two wheeled vehicles make you angry, are you bi-furious?

You know, just asking for a friend...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An undertaker buys 2 vehicles and decides to get custom number plates.

He makes one "HIS" and the other "HEARSE".

I've just done my part to help the environment.

I unplugged 6 electric vehicles that no one was using.

Ford is creating a new company to manufacture electric vehicles using Tesla software and batteries.

They're naming it Edison.

What sound does Nintendo's security vehicles make?

Wii U Wii U Wii U Wii U

They've got internet for vehicles in Hong Kong too...

They call it Wong Kar-Wai fi.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend works at NASA developing robotic exploration vehicles...

A few years back he was intensely busy with a major project involving a multi-million-dollar remote-controlled rover, often sleeping at the lab and coming home only once every 3-4 days to shower, change clothes, and feed his cats. One of his cats got sick at that time, but he didn't even have time t...

The Kansas police found a large number of dead crows on the 135 outside of Witchita today

There was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.

A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu.

The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varyin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Public transport is cheaper than DUI and funerals.

A warning to all you drivers, be careful about drinking and driving and plus police are randomly checking vehicles for drunk drivers.

Public transport is cheaper than DUI and funerals. Last night I was out for a few drinks. One thing lead to another and I had a few too many cocktails and then...

Recent studies show that electric vehicles made by BMW have a ten percent better battery life.

Because they don't waste electricity by using their blinkers.

Due to COVID-19, truck dealerships have moved sales of their vehicles out of their buildings and onto the streets.

They’re calling the new service:

Curbside pickup.

What does an Irishman say when you give him two heavily armoured vehicles for Christmas?

Tanks

Which country will be the first to change to all electric vehicles?

Madagascar

BMW tried to make an amphibious vehicle...

Mercedes and BMW started selling amphibious vehicles. Soon, however, BMW was forced to stop selling them, as their customer's kept getting the Benz.

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