A man was driving down the road when a policeman stopped him. The officer looked in the back of the man’s truck and said, “Why are these penguins in your truck?”

The man replied, “These are my penguins. They belong to me.”

“You need to take them to the zoo,” the policeman said.

The next day, the officer saw the same guy driving down the road. He pulled him over again. He saw the penguins were still in the truck, but they were wearing sunglasses...

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A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck..

and everyone inside dies. They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they have experienced, he decides to grant them one wish each before they enter paradise. They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. "I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps his fingers, an...

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A family is driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen.

Embarrassed, and to spare her young daughters innocence, the mother turns around and says “Don’t worry that was just an insect”. To which her daughter replies “I’m surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that”

Officer: “I’m sorry to say this sir, but it looks like your girlfriend has been hit by a truck.”

Man: "Yeah... But she's got a great personality!"

There’s a guy sitting at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour.

Soon, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.

The poor man starts crying.

The truck driver says, “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand seeing a man crying.”

“N...

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[NSFW] Hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparents’ house to comfort her 95-year old grandmother.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied: ”He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.”

Horrified, Katie told her that two people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

”Oh no, my dear” replies granny. ”Man...

A man in a truck is speeding, looking quite frantic, and gets pulled over by police...

A man in a truck is speeding, looking quite frantic, and gets pulled over by a policeman.

The policeman walks over to the truck, where he can see, to his surprise, there are 50 ducks.

He asks the man why he was speeding. The man replies, "I've got so many ducks, and I don't know what ...

[Long] Pete was a truck driver who hated lawyers

Pete was a truck driver who hated lawyers. Every time he saw a lawyer walk by the road he would swing over and run them over with his truck. One day while he was out driving, he saw a priest walk by the side of the road. Thinking it could not hurt to help a servant of god he stopped and asked the pr...

A man stands in front of a food truck....

A man stands in front of a food truck and reads the menu:

Cheeseburgers: $5

Fries: $3

Handjobs: $10

He walks up to the window and asks the beautiful blonde working behind the counter, "Are you the one that gives the handjobs?"

"Yes, I am," she replies seductively.<...

A new study has found that 98% of vehicular collisions with crows in Boston involve trucks and other large vehicles

Apparently they can all yell “cah, cah,” but not “bus, bus.”

A cement truck smashed into a prison van...

Police are telling people to be on the lookout for 8 hardened criminals.

What do you get when you mix a Republic and a Truck

A Semi-Democracy

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The biggest, toughest American soldier in the platoon in Eastern Europe limps in, badly injured.

His Captain yells, "Good Lord Corporal! What happened to you?"

"Well Captain", he says, wiping blood from his face, "I was out on watch, and I looked across the road. And I saw this Russian soldier, real big bastard. And I looked at him, and he looked at me. So I started walking towards him, ...

Old Turkish joke

One day Temel, the truck driver, while driving down a hill realizes that his brakes are not working. The truck is going faster and faster, until he reaches an intersection.

Temel looks around.

On his right, there is a child; on his left, there is a bazaar with more than 100 people. A...

Police are reporting that they have just located a truck of stollen goods

Though they are not hopeful that anyone will come forward to claim the German fruitcake.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A truck driver was driving down the road

He read a small sign nailed to a light pole that said “peaches that taste like everything and anything.” Curious, the truck driver drove down the road that the sign was nailed to and came across and old man with a little setup in front of a farm. The truck driver parked his truck and went over to ...

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There was a redneckwho hit every black man he saw with his truck.

One day he saw a priest walking down the road and thought, "For all the bad things I done, let me give this priest a ride." So he picked the priest up and they drove along. The redneck saw a black guy down the road and decided he would pretend to fall asleep and so the priest would think it was an a...

When I was learning to drive in the winter, my Dad told me, "If you're ever lost in the snow, wait for a plow truck, then follow it."

One cold, snowy Minnesota night, I got lost on the way home. The snow was blowing so fast and piling up so high, I couldn't see any street signs. With no map in my car and a dead cell phone, I thought I might be stranded so I pulled over to the side of the road.

Then breaking through the flu...

I think my truck needs an alignment...

It always pulls towards the liquor store.

What do truck drivers do when they get too old to have an erection?

Get a new Peterbilt

There are three lies a West Virginian always tells...

1) I own that truck.
2) She's not my sister.
3) I was just helping that sheep over the fence.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

This just in. A truck full of wigs has crashed under mysterious circumstances.

Police are now combing the area.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A family of carrots, Mama Carrot, Daddy Carrot, and Baby Carrot, were walking down a road when truck swerved and hit baby carrot.

A family of carrots, Mama Carrot, Daddy Carrot, and Baby Carrot, were walking down a road when a truck swerved and hit baby carrot.

They immediately called an ambulance and baby carrot was rushed to the hospital. As Momma Carrot and Daddy Carrot waited in anticipation, they watched as the do...

Did you hear about the Marvel superhero that got busted for stealing a truck full of soft French Cheese?

It was brie larceny.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A truck full of Viagra has been hijacked.

The cops are on the lookout for a gang of hardened criminals.

A trucker stops at a red light and a blonde catches up to him.

She knocks on the window and says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."

The trucker just ignores her, the light changes, and he proceeds down the street.

At the next light, the blonde again catches up and says, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing som...

The saleslady at the truck store was kind of attractive.

I started out looking at a pickup but I ended up with a semi.

Farmer Joe was in an accident with a truck.

After putting up with nagging injuries for a couple of weeks, he decided to take the driver to court. During the trial, the driver's lawyer questioned Farmer Joe sharply, "Didn't you say at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'?"

Farmer Joe replied, "Well I'll tell you what happened at the ac...

The Ice Cream Truck

On a hot sunny day, the ice cream truck was driving slowly until the driver saw a woman chasing frantically down the sidewalk, screaming "Hey, Wait!"

He stops, parks and opens the window, with a smile.

"What'll it be lady?"

She tries to catch her breath, but she manages to tell ...

The Texan Rancher and the Kentucky Farmer

A Texas Rancher was driving his truck through Kentucky one day when he sees a farmer out tending his field. He pulls over on a whim to talk to the farmer.

"Greetings friend! This looks like a pretty nice farm. How much land do you have?"

The Farmer gestures, "Well you see that river...

Cletus takes out a loan for a new truck.

He keeps up with the payments, and everything seems to be going well, when suddenly the bank repossesses it without warning.

He decides to go to the police, and it turns out he's not the only person who's been ripped off by this particular bank.

After talking to the police chief, it'...

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A drunk man killed 25 driving his truck

While being persecuted, the judge asked: "Why did you drove over that many people knowing there was another road you could've diverted to?"

"Okay, hear me out" the driver said, "if you were driving a truck, and you were faced with a fork in the road; one direction has 24 people on it, and ano...

What kind of truck does Santa drive?

A sleighteen wheeler

How do you top a truck?

..tep on the brakes, tupid.

It’s crazy how fast milk trucks are driven these days...

One blink and they’ve gone pasteurise.

What's the most musical SUV truck?

A hummer.

An ice cream man is driving his truck on a hot summer day.

He glances in his rear-view mirror, and notices a man running behind the truck. The man looks sweaty and exhausted and it's clear that he's been chasing the truck for blocks, if not longer. The driver immediately pulls over. "I'm sorry I didn't see you!" he says to the man when he gets to the window...

Please stop putting flyers on my trucks windshield.

I'm not interested in seeing a band called Parking Violation.

A Buddhist monk approaches a burger food-truck and says "make me one with everything."

The Buddhist monk pays with a $20 bill, which the vendor takes, puts in his cash box, and closes the lid.

"Where's my change?" the monk asks.

The vendor replies,

"change comes from within."

Two cheese trucks ran into each other...

De Brie was everywhere!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man was told by his doctor that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act.

The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it." He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe. Finally, he realized a solution.

On his w...

A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck

When they died, God granted all of them one wish. The first person said, "I want to be gorgeous." God snapped his fingers and it happened. The second person said the same thing and God did the same thing. This want on and on throughout the group. God noticed the last man in line was laughing hysteri...

I just drove my truck into a building!

Good thing I opened the garage door first.

Two guys riding in a truck. NSFW

They come around a bend in the road to see the largest newfoundland lab they've ever seen.
The dog is sitting in the middle of the road blocking their path, thoroughly cleaning his balls. The passenger sees this and tells the driver I sure wish I could do that.
The driver says I'm sure you ca...

A blonde girl, Debby, drives behind a truck in her car

She notices that the truck is losing its load, so when both the truck and her car come to a stop at a traffic light, Debby steps out and goes to tell the driver that he is losing his load. She stands next to the drivers door, and says: "Hello Sir, my name is Debby and you're losing your load." But t...

Driving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him.

Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road. The policmen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain large upholstery tacks. "I'm sorry sir," the first trooper told the driver, "but I am still go...

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A blonde lady motorist was two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down.

The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"

"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"

"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken
to the San Diego Zoo...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I notice a lot of different plumbing trucks with the slogan, "We're #1 in the #2 business!"

One of them has to be full of shit.

Wife Missing?

The first thing a grieving husband should do is CALL THE COPS!

Husband: "My wife of 15 years is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!"
Sheriff: "Height?"
Husband: "I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall."
Sheriff: "Weight?"
Husband: "Don't kn...

A hunter shoots a deer and is pulling it back to his truck

A hunter shoots a deer and is pulling it back to his truck

A farmer passes by and says, "Hey you shot that deer on my property. That makes that deer mine."
The hunter says, "No way, I tracked it, I shot it, it's mine."
The farmer says, "Ok Ok...we'll settle this the old way."
"The ol...

A truck driver was heading down the highway when he saw a priest at the side of the road. Feeling it was his duty, he stopped to give the priest a ride.

A short time later, he saw a lawyer with a briefcase on the side of the road
and aimed his truck at him. At the last second, he thought of the priest with
him and realized he couldn't run over the lawyer, so he swerved. But he heard
a thump anyway.

Looking back as he drove on, he did...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A lawyer is sitting in his parked BMW when a tow truck crashes into the car.

The crash takes car door clean off and the driver speeds away. The lawyer immediately signals a cop and begins ranting about how much the damage to his car is going to cost. The cop replies, "You lawyers are so materialistic. All you care about is money."

The lawyer says, "How DARE you call ...

You hear about the snail who had to call a tow truck?

He couldn't make 'is car go

A truck driver had stopped for dinner at a cafe in a small town

Some of the regulars there noticed him and began sniffing the air.

"I smell nerd," said a regular to the truck driver. "Are you a nerd?"

The truck driver nervously said, "No, I'm not a nerd. Why?"

Another regular said, "Because around here we shoot nerds."

"Yeah," said ...

What do you call a baby dump truck?

A dumpling!

Made up by my 8 year old son.

What do you call a truck that hauls Kosher goods?

A Semite truck.

eating in a truck stop

A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three very large, leathered bikers walked in. The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie and then took a seat at the counter. The second walked up to the old man, spat into the old man's milk and then he too ...

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A Truck Driver Is At The Border.

The Soldier interrogates the driver.

Soldier: What’s in the truck?

Driver: Eh, just some tools.

A sound comes from the back of the truck

Mysterious Sound: WHO YA CALLIN A TOOL YA WANKER?

Soldier: *points gun at driver* WHY DID YOU LIE TO US! YOU SAID TOOLS, NOT PEO...

A man goes into a car wash with a semi truck and comes out in a pickup truck

Everyone was confused what happened and they all asked the man what he thought had happened to his truck. He simply shrugged and said, “What can I say, it shrunk in the wash.”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Louie CK is starting a new food truck in New York City.

Specializing is Jerk Chicken...

(NSFW) A truck driver picks up a hitchhiker

This truck driver is going down the highway and he sees a hitchhiker on the road. He stops and asks, "You need a ride?" The hitchhiker is ecstatic and agrees, thankful that he can cover more ground quickly.

After a couple hours he is getting restless and asks, "Man I'm bored, how do you get ...

What happened when a tanker truck full of salsa overturned on an LA freeway?

CHiPs showed up.

A farmer is in court, suing the trucking company whose truck injured him in an accident

He is on the stand, and the company's lawyer is questioning him, trying to disprove the merit of his claim.
"Mister Brown," the lawyer says, "did you not tell the responding officer, after the crash, that you were -and I quote- fine?"
"Well," says the farmer, "you see, I was driving my mule to...

What car has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.

^^^^^sorry.

What do you call a truck that can't accelerate?

A pickup with no pickup

A man in rags parks a 40-year-old pickup truck next to a printing store and walks up to the counter.

He says:

- I need 20 pictures of Kim Kardashian. I'll pay later.

The store clerk agrees and makes the prints. The truck guy drives away with them. Some time later, he comes back in decent clothes and a 20-year-old truck, pays for the 20 pictures and says:

- I need 50 pictures of...

Someone stole £5000 worth of Red Bull from a local delivery truck.

How do these people sleep at night?

What’s the difference between a truck loaded with sand and a truck loaded with babies?

You can’t unload the sand with a pitchfork.

Truck driver

So, a truck driver stops at a diner for a cup of coffee, a piece of pie, and a chat with the waitress one evening. Everything’s going fine until a biker gang turns up. They park and come inside, looking for some action. It’s just the truck driver and the waitress, so they start in on the truck drive...

A truck driver is driving along on the freeway.

A sign comes up that reads “Low Bridge Ahead.”
Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under it. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and say...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Dumb Fucks

"Look at that dumb fuck, Daddy," said my 3-year-old from his car seat.

"Where?" I asked. There were quite a few around us, he could have been talking about any of them.

"The white one," he continued.

That narrowed it down. There was only one that fit that description.

"Th...

What do you call a guy who gets hit by a truck?

An ambulance

A truck driver is heading west across the Arizona desert. He has been driving all night, and as the sun starts to rise, he feels the need to stop and commune with nature.

He pulls to the side of the road, parks, and walks out into the sage brush.
As he is standing there, looking around at the beauty of the early morning, he notices a lever sticking out of the ground. After a few moments, he walks over, walks all the way around, and then reaches out to grasp the le...

I've always wanted to drive trucks in reverse for a living...

...I think it'd make a good backup career.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A truck drivers wife is standing buck naked staring at herself in the mirror

She says to herself "I'm fat and wrinkly, my skin is old and weather worn, my hair is falling out and I just don't feel beautiful anymore"

She turns to her husband and says 'Honey, I'm fat and wrinkly, my skin is old and weather worn, my hair is falling out and I just don't feel beautiful any...

What’s the difference between a monster truck rally and the rockettes?

A monster truck rally has a CUNNING array of STUNTS

Now that vehicles are driving themselves...

It won't be long until a country singer writes a song about their truck leaving them too.

Tow Truck

A man sees an attractive woman on the side of the road. He stops to ask if she needs any help.


The woman says, "Yes, my car has broken down and I don't know what's wrong with it."


The man says, "Don't worry; I'll get you and your car to a mechanic in town. Have you ever bee...

Did you hear about the Dole truck that crashed?

It was speeding down the interstate going 20 over the speed limit with a bunch of monkeys hanging off the side when suddenly it lost control and crashed, spilling the contents of it's trailer across all four lanes blocking traffic for hours.

It was bananas.

I crashed into a truck full of terrapins earlier

Turtle disaster

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A truck driver was on his route

and needed to take a dump, he stopped at a bar, found there was a queue in front of toilets. He waited for few minutes, but it was getting difficult for him to hold on to. So he moved from there searching for a place and went upstairs, found an empty room, there was this hole in middle of the room, ...

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Overheard on two guys unloading a truck the other day

Guy 1: What's the difference between mortar mix and cement mix?

Guy 2: I dunno what?

Guy 1: I wasnt telling a fucking joke I want to know the difference!

If you lose your fingers your girlfriend basically turns into a truck with no battery...

You can’t turn her on so she demands to be toed.

An Eskimo drops his truck off at the shop

“I’ll be back in an hour” says the Eskimo
The Eskimo stops at an ice cream shop on the way back. Upon returning, the Eskimo asks the mechanic
“What’s wrong with my truck?”
To which the mechanical responds
“It looks like you blew a seal.”
The Eskimo frantically replies
“It’s vanilla...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman is driving behind a dildo truck with her 4-year old daughter when one flies off and hits the windshield....

“Mommy! What was that?” The little girl cries out.

The mother takes a deep breath and states, “Oh don’t worry honey, it was just a bug.”

“Oh okay mommy......but boy that bug had big fucking dick didn’t it!!”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Thieves stole a truck with 1,000,000 doses of viagra

Police are looking for hardened criminals...

What is a slow moving ice cream truck called?

A sundae driver.

I called a suicide hotline in Iraq..

They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's fuel tank as a joke...

That truck is now know as Optimus Prime.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Motorcyclist crashes into manure truck

Inside sources say he was “Shit out of luck”.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A truck driver from Alabama who has been driving around the country for two weeks stops at a brothel outside Kansas City.

He walks straight up to the madam, drops $300 and says, “I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich.”

The madam is astonished. “For that kind of money you could have one of my best girls and a three-course meal.”

The driver replies, “I’m not horny...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An old joke about a boy and a duck that my dad used to tell me when I definitely wasn't old enough for it to be appropriate.

A very rich old man is on his deathbed and is going to die soon, so he calls in his three sons. He gives them each a duck and tells them that the one who gets the most for his duck will be given everything the old man owns. The first son goes out, and when he comes back he says, "Father! Father! I g...

Penguins truck

A man with a truck full of Penguins is on his Way to zoo But on the way his trucks engines stop so he slides to the side and try to get the atenssion of a nearby coming truck driver and sucses. He then tells the truck driver to take the Penguins to the zoo ASAP and so he dos.
Some time later th...

So there’s a man who drives a truck...

He is a pretty normal guy, except that he absolutely hates lawyers. Every time he is driving and sees a lawyer either in a parking lot or on a sidewalk, he swerves to try and hit him.

One day the man is driving along and sees a priest on the side of the road looking for a ride. The man pulls...

What's funny about a FedEx guy telling a joke about his truck full of Nitrous oxide?

There is nothing funny about the joke, it's his delivery.

What's the Official Truck of the Catholic Church?

The ones that Peterbilt

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Wanna hear about the criminals who stole a truck full of viagra?

They went to jail for 10 years and then became hardened criminals.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Ice Cream Truck pulls away from Acacia Drive, having served the happiest bunch of kids all day...

...the driver whistles a gay tune, the sun is shining, the traffic is good, there’s but a solitary car at the red light ahead.

Suddenly, there’s a banging on the side of the truck. Startled, he pulls away, thinking its a jacking. His heart racing he makes it to the next set of lights. He tur...

I like my women like I like my trucks

With warning signs.

A high-end lawyer is leaving his car when he gets sideswiped by a passing truck.

He calls the cops and he start complaining to them about how the truck had ruin his beautiful Roles Royce. The cop looks at him and sneers, “you lawyers, always so concerned about your money. You are so busy worrying about your car that you didn’t even notice that your left arm is missing.”

T...

With many truck routes blocked from Wildfire, California residents are having beef shipments airdropped to them.

The steaks have never been higher.

What do you call a row of trucks hauling nachos?

A cheesy pickup line.

Did anyone know what happened to that passion fruit truck crash yesterday?

It caused traffic jam.

How do you make a truck stop?

Hit the brakes

Did you hear about the bandit that stole a truck of soap?

Police say he made a clean getaway.

A farmhand hits a pig with his truck

A farmhand is driving around the farm, checking the fences. After a few minutes he radios his boss and says, "Boss, I've got a problem. I hit a pig on the road and he's stuck in the bull-bars of my truck. He's still wriggling. What should I do?"

"In the back of your truck there's a shotgun. ...

Truck driver

An old man is eating his lunch in a restaurant when three bikers walk up to him.

they make fun of him for being old, and then one of them stubs his cigarette into the truck driver's food. Another spits in the truck driver's milk. The last one smashes the truck driver's food on the ground.
...

A Boy Scout decided to start a business fixing horns on cars and trucks…

He called it "Beep Repaired."