A pregnant woman is hit by a car

She is sent into a coma for 1 year. She wakes up, no longer pregnant, screaming," Doctor! Doctor! Where is my baby?!"

The doctor replies, "Calm down, your babies are fine. You had twins! a girl and a boy. We gave them to your brother to watch while you were in the hospital."

She says,"...

I was in a bar the other day, when a girl asked me, “What do you do?” I responded, “I race cars.” Screeching with excitement, she shot back, “Do you win many races!?” I sighed...

“No, the cars are much faster.”

Why do police cars have "to protect and serve" in quotes?

They are being sarcastic.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Minneapolis police cars are a lot like elephants....

...except elephants have their trunks up front and their assholes are in the back.

Did to hear about the theif who was stealing the tires off of police cars?

They're working tirelessly the catch him!

A man's car breaks down outside of a monastery.

A man is driving home from a buisness trip. As he has a pretty low paying job, he doesn't have the best of cars.

After a few hours of driving, he drives past a monastery.

Unfortunately his car breaks down right in front of the monastery.

Being a man of God, he obviously figures...

Guys it’s raining cars and dogs outside

I think I stepped in a poodle

There's a country where all cars are required by law to be rose-colored.

It's a pink car nation.

A Penguin is driving in his car

Suddenly, the car broke down and he needed to tow the car to the mechanic

After leaving the car to give the mechanic time to analyse it, he felt hungry and spotted an ice cream shop nearby. He ordered a big bowl of vanilla ice cream, but because the store had run out of spoons, he needed to u...

A rabbi and a priest get into a car accident

It's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but, amazingly, neither of the clerics is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but we are unhurt. This must be a sign fro...

Why can't women park cars?

Because they've been lied to about what 9 inches is their whole life.

Communist cars are unreliable.

They’re always Stalin.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the similarity between electric cars and your penis?

Both of them are touch to start

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the cars that had sex for over 30 hours?

She was exhausted, but he was also pretty tired.

It was significantly more dangerous to go through child birth than to be in a car crash in the 1800s.

Mainly because they didn't have cars back then.

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