UPJOKE
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Pickup Jokes

I hadn't put my own picture up on my dating profile, just a picture of my pickup

I hadn't put my own picture up on my dating profile, just a picture of my pickup. But that's okay, because she'd just put a picture of her dog. I sent her a message, something almost-clever like "your dog can ride in my pickup any time," and she responded.

We clicked pretty quickly, and sta...

Depressing pickup lines.

Are you suicide?
Because I think about you every day.

Are you a toaster?
Because I really want to take a bath with you.

Are you a noose?
Because I really want to hang with you.

Are you a gravestone?
Because I really wish you were on top of me.

Are you anti-...

What pickup line do guys use to get girls in Alabama?

You’re like a sister to me.

What's your favorite pickup line?

For me, it's the Ford F series.

My new pickup line: Hey, are you an interest rate?

Because I’d love to Compound you.

Dark pickup lines

Are you suicide?
Because I think about you every day.

Are you the suicide hotline?
Because I need to get your number.

Are you a noose?
Because I’d love to hang with you.

Are you a coffin?
Because I wish I was inside you.

Are you a death certificate?
Bec...

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A farm boy took his pet duck and got in his pickup to go to the movin’ picture show in town.

He walked up to the ticket booth with his duck under his arm to buy a ticket, but the girl said, “sir, you can’t bring that bird in here”.

The country boy tries to explain ’bout how the duck is a housebroken pet, but the girl says, “SIR, I’m sorry but you can’t bring that animal into the thea...

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Black Boxes in pickups

About 8 years ago, when the trend towards really large pickup trucks began, there was a major increase in accidents with pickups. At the urging of insurance companies, the three major car makers started adding a "black box" to each truck. It would record the last 60 seconds, showing speed, accelerat...

How old Mildred stopped gossiping.

Mildred was the church gossip and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals. She kept sticking her nose into other people's business, even if several members did not approve of her extra-curricular activities. However, they feared her enough to maintain their silence.

Once, she accused a ...

The pickup artist

A single guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "You know, despite being known as a pickup artist I haven't had any luck with the ladies lately," he complains to the bartender. "It's probably because you spend all your time over there in a booth drawing pictures of F-150s," the bartender says.

My friend tries to impress girls by drawing realistic pictures of a Ford F-150.

He’s ….a pickup artist.

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Bad pickup line #197

You should collect wine vats, because you’ve got a beautiful butt.

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A old man with a old pickup crashed into a BMW

The BMW owner said "what the fuck! Are you blind?" And the old man said "relax man!"

" How do you think that I can be relaxed, you just crashed my car! "

" Look, I produce a delicious craft beer at my house, take a bottle and chill"

He drinks the bottle and likes it, so he asks ...

A man in rags parks a 40-year-old pickup truck next to a printing store and walks up to the counter.

He says:

- I need 20 pictures of Kim Kardashian. I'll pay later.

The store clerk agrees and makes the prints. The truck guy drives away with them. Some time later, he comes back in decent clothes and a 20-year-old truck, pays for the 20 pictures and says:

- I need 50 pictures of...

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I was let down by a pickup line in a club last night.

I walked up to a girl at the bar and said, 'Hey, I'm bisexual, let me buy you a drink and then we can get sexual?'

I was rather disappointed when she turned around and replied, 'No, your bi-curious, you can go buy me a drink and when you come back, you can wonder where the fuck I've gone.'

Two Sisters...

One blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed their own stock.

They ...

a professional pickup line

A guy walks into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting by herself at the bar. He sits next to her and, before he can say a word, she turns to him and says, "I'll screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, for any reason." "What a coincidence," he replies. "I'm a lawyer, too."

"Dead or alive, you're coming with me."

Great movie quote, terrible pickup line…

Why is r/Tinder so full of pickup lines?

cuz redditors can't get any further in the conversation

Guys I’ve been meeting have the worst pickup lines.

Like, “Hey, what’s your friend’s name?”

Great pickup line...

You:Hey, do you have a Memory foam mattress?

Her: Yes.

You: Wanna Traumatize it?

(Pickup line) What has 32 teeth and holds back the hulk.

My zipper

LPT: How to pick up girls

Try this:

1. Acquire several dozen limes.
1. Go up to them and then drop all the limes.
1. Start picking them up, but keep dropping them. The clumsier you look the better.
1. Keep doing this until you have their attention (this could take up to thirty minutes).
1. Finally gather ...

What’s a fly’s favourite pickup line?

Is this stool taken?

Nerdy cell pickup lines

- These were some of my biology notes from freshman year. I actually remembered the functions from these jokes

Are u a golgi apparatus? Cause I need help processing my feelings for u

Are we proteins in a golgi apparatus? Cause we’re being shipped

I hope you aren’t a controsome c...

Good pickup line.

Two male flies are buzzing around the farmyard when they spot a female fly landing on a fresh pile of cow dung.
The one fly says, "Wow, she is cute! I'm going to try to talk to her, wish me luck."
He swoops down, lands right next to her and says, "Excuse me Miss, is this stool taken?"

Terrible pickup line

If I'm a squirrel and you're a tree can I stuff my nuts in your hole?

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Pickup lines

Man to a woman: I can tell you a story about my penis, but it’s too long!

Woman replies: I can tell you a story about my pussy, but you won’t get it!

Pickup line: "Hey girl. Is your dad in prison?"

"Because if I was your dad, I'd be in prison."

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Best pickup line:

Me: Can I smell your pussy?

Girl: no

Me: oh, it must be your feet then.

The most cringey pickup line ever

Are you french because Eiffel for you.

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The pickup line of Cecil the cavalier

Cecil is a young British aristocrat who loves horse-riding but is terribly shy.

On his daily trot around Hyde Park, he frequently sees a beautiful girl riding a jet-black Morgan horse but can’t pluck up the courage to approach her.

One evening he’s having a beer with his friend Charles...

Pickup lines for all of the mineral ladies :)

If you come home with me theres a high chance you will be (Mg,Fe2+)2(Mg,Fe2+)5Si 8O 22(OH) 2

One of the best pickup lines ever

Are you trash?
Cause I wanna take you out

What's the worst/best pickup line you ever heard

Mines if I were a booger I would pick you first

[Bad Pickup Line] I know I'm not the best looking guy here tonight...

but I'm the only one talking to you...

Covid-19 Pickup Lines

Covid-19 cancelling everything except my love for you.

Pickup Line!

on a scale of 1 to 10, you are a 9 and I'm the 1 you need.

A magnet walks into an elemental singles bar and tries a pickup line on a pretty slab of metal.

"Is your name *Beryllium*? 'Cause you can alka-***lie*** next to *my* earth metal!"

The slab of ***lead*** says "Nah. You don't *attract* me."

Ba dum TSS!

Neanderthal pickup lines...

“Hey baby, I’m fully erect.”

What was the cannibal's goto pickup line?

Mind if I pick your brain.

What pickup line do you use on the devil?

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

I just thought up what is probably the worst pickup line ever...

Are you a mirror? 'Cause I can see myself in you.

My friend is a pickup artist but has no success with women

Its probably because he spends most of his time drawing F-150s

Halloween Pickup lines

I can't find a costume for Halloween, so can I just go as your boyfriend?

Your costume looks complicated. Need help taking it off?

You’re such a treat that I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me.

You're the most boo-tiful ghost I've seen all night!

You look so good, ...

Pickup line : hello, are you lactose intolerant?

Just wanted to make sure, my pickup line is very chessy. .


I used that once...she laughed...her husband laughed i walked away...true story btw

Hamster PickUp Line?

If I was a Hamster, and I met a female hamster I liked...id say "Aye Girl, You From Amsterdam? Cause Hamster Damn!"

Halloween Pickup Lines #3

Halloween is the night of darkness. But you are brighter than an angel.

I wanna bob for your apples.

You're the only treat I want in my sack this Halloween.

I didn’t know that my favorite Halloween treat came in life size!

Why don't we go somewhere where I can stick a can...

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A redneck is on his honeymoon about to make love, when his wife says...

"Wait, honey, there's somethin' I need you to know. I'm a virgirn"
"WHAT THE FUCK?" The man shouts, and he punches her in the face, knocks her out. He wraps her in the bedsheets, drags her down the stairs and out the door, throws her into the back of his pickup truck, and drives on over to her da...

A pee themed pickup line

Normally you’re a 4 or 5, but damn girl, when you’re peeing, urinate

PICKUP LINE: Don’t pay $5 for a footlong...

When you can get my 6 inch for free.

Damn girl, are you a pickup truck?

Cuz I can't wait to put a load in you then dump you.

Nerdy pickup line

Hey baby, are you a compressed file format, because rar.

^^^^^now ^^^^^where ^^^^^did ^^^^^I ^^^^^put ^^^^^the ^^^^^bleach...

Minecraft PiCkUp LiNeS

Girl, are you a redstone torch, because you really turn me on

How do fishermen pickup women?

All-lure

What is the most effective pickup line?

Hello, this is your Uber driver.

[Pickup line] Are you the Korean peninsula?

Because I'm gonna split you in two

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Pickup lines

An old man drinking at the bar and sees a young man walk up to a girl and say "Tickle your ass with a feather?"

Clearly surprised and upset the woman replies, "What!!?"

The young man "repeats" himself and says "Particularly nice weather?"

Embarrassed by her confusion the girl ...

What’s a good musician pickup line?

You have a nice Fmaj7.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A policeman pulls over an old man in a pickup truck

because the bed of his truck is full of ducks. The officer says, “Sir, it is unacceptable to have this flock of ducks downtown, take them to the Zoo this instant!”

The old man confirms that he will and drives off. The next day the officer sees the same man in the same truck still full of duck...

A man in Texas is driving with twenty penguins in the bed of his pickup…

…when he is stopped by a State Trooper. The trooper approaches and tells the man that he needs to take the penguins to the zoo immediately as they are non-native and not registered to the man as pets. “Right away, officer,” replies the man, and off he goes.

The following day, the same man i...

Arkansas.

Two rednecks, Dale and Billy Ray, were walking downtown, window shopping and suddenly, they see a sign on a store which reads, "Suits $10 each, shirts $2 each, trousers $3 each".

Dale says to his buddy, "Billy Ray, looky there! We could buy a whole gob of these, take 'em back to Arkansas, sel...

Best pickup line ever

Girl are you a gorilla exhibit because I'm about to drop a baby in you?

Best pickup line: How do you like your eggs in the morning...

Fertilized?

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Flat Earther pickup line

The Earth may be flat

but Uranus is round

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Best pickup line ever

A guy beckons a girl to come over

“Yes,” she says as she approaches the guy

Brilliantly, he replies “if I could get you to cum with one finger, imagine what I can do with two!”

Cheesiest pickup line You've ever heard?

Do you believe in love at first sight—or should I walk by again?
Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material.
Can I have directions? [To where?] To your heart.
There's only one thing I want to change about you, and that's your last name.
You're so beautiful that you made me...

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So you know about how men with small penises drive massive pickup trucks to compensate?

I wonder what it means that my daily driver is a bicycle...

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How did Nazi's pickup Jewish Women?

With a dust pan and broom

Bad pickup line: Dang girl, you smell like garbage...

Can I take you out?

What is the pineal gland's pickup line?

"Well I'm no pituitary gland but I *can* make a hormone."

Pickup truck

A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of cheetahs. He pulls the guy over and says... "You can't drive around with cheetahs in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately." The guy says "OK"... and drives away. The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around ...

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Engineering pickup lines

Engineering pickup lines:

Hey babe, what's your factor of safety?

Can I use my sigma to find your tau max?

What frequency does it take to make your O-me-ga

How big does your period need to be to reduce our frequency

How about you and I go have a couple moment
...

The Pickup Artist

Ted is sitting at the bar, chatting with the bartender. It's a good night, not too crowded, but a steady stream of customers. The door opens and a homely guy walks in. He takes a seat at the other end of the bar, orders a beer, and sits there sipping it.

The bartender walks back, and Ted sa...

What pickup line do the seven dwarves use?

Hi Hoe.

So my country friend has got one of those new german 4x4 pickup trucks.

It's called the Audi Pardner.

What did the stop sign say to the pickup truck?

Stop!

I went to study under a pickup artist.

Still no luck with women, but my truck looks great.

What's the go-to pickup line when flirting with a communist?

You take our breath away.

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Favourite pickup line...

Did you know there will be 7 planets tomorrow?

Because I am going to destroy Uranus tonight.

Nerdy pickup line.

Hey baby, Are you uranium because I'm Iodine and if it was up to me I would rearrange the periodic table around and put U and I together. ;)

What is a builder's favourite pickup line?

I'd like to put my tongue in your groove.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pickup line

Hey there, wanna come over and watch porn on my 50 inch flat-screen mirror?

Greatest pickup line that never works!!

I put the STD in stud, now all I need is U.

A pickup line for people named Matt.

"Hey girl, you should sleep with me, my name's short for mattress." (Just made it up today, please don't hate me.)

A Missouri Farmer

A Missouri farmer in his pickup drove to a neighbor's, and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door.

*"Is your Dad home?"* the farmer asked.

*"No sir, he isn't; he went to town."*

Persistent, the farmer asks the boy *"Well, is your Mother here?"*

*...

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I will no doubt be hunted down and dragged behind a pickup truck until I die for this.

What's the difference between a redneck and a hillbilly?

A redneck puts on a condom before he fucks his own sister.

My go-to pickup move when I'd just walk next to a girl in the bar and whisper in her ear "If I get excited,I can touch the bottom of the Pringles can" and see how their eyes light up excitement

I love these new snack size ones.

How do cars work out?

They pickup trucks

An entire road is jammed with pickup trucks

The worst pickup line i have ever seen.

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