What's the worst/best pickup line you ever heard

Mines if I were a booger I would pick you first

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A old man with a old pickup crashed into a BMW

The BMW owner said "what the fuck! Are you blind?" And the old man said "relax man!"

" How do you think that I can be relaxed, you just crashed my car! "

" Look, I produce a delicious craft beer at my house, take a bottle and chill"

He drinks the bottle and likes it, so he asks ...

A man in rags parks a 40-year-old pickup truck next to a printing store and walks up to the counter.

He says:

- I need 20 pictures of Kim Kardashian. I'll pay later.

The store clerk agrees and makes the prints. The truck guy drives away with them. Some time later, he comes back in decent clothes and a 20-year-old truck, pays for the 20 pictures and says:

- I need 50 pictures of...

Guys I’ve been meeting have the worst pickup lines.

Like, “Hey, what’s your friend’s name?”

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The pickup line of Cecil the cavalier

Cecil is a young British aristocrat who loves horse-riding but is terribly shy.

On his daily trot around Hyde Park, he frequently sees a beautiful girl riding a jet-black Morgan horse but can’t pluck up the courage to approach her.

One evening he’s having a beer with his friend Charles...

Dark pickup lines

Are you suicide?
Because I think about you every day.

Are you the suicide hotline?
Because I need to get your number.

Are you a noose?
Because I’d love to hang with you.

Are you a coffin?
Because I wish I was inside you.

Are you a death certificate?
Bec...

Depressing pickup lines.

Are you suicide?
Because I think about you every day.

Are you a toaster?
Because I really want to take a bath with you.

Are you a noose?
Because I really want to hang with you.

Are you a gravestone?
Because I really wish you were on top of me.

Are you anti-...

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I will no doubt be hunted down and dragged behind a pickup truck until I die for this.

What's the difference between a redneck and a hillbilly?

A redneck puts on a condom before he fucks his own sister.

I hadn't put my own picture up on my dating profile, just a picture of my pickup

I hadn't put my own picture up on my dating profile, just a picture of my pickup. But that's okay, because she'd just put a picture of her dog. I sent her a message, something almost-clever like "your dog can ride in my pickup any time," and she responded.

We clicked pretty quickly, and sta...

I just thought up what is probably the worst pickup line ever...

Are you a mirror? 'Cause I can see myself in you.

My friend is a pickup artist but has no success with women

Its probably because he spends most of his time drawing F-150s

Pickup line: "Hey girl. Is your dad in prison?"

"Because if I was your dad, I'd be in prison."

Two Minnesota hunters travelled south to Iowa, one winter, to hunt deer.

After tracking a big stag for miles they finally get it in their sites and take it down.

As they struggled dragging the dead animal across the snowy, open fields, back to their pickup, they were stopped by a DNR officer and he asked to see their hunting licenses and stamps.

Assured...

How to stop the church gossip

Mildred, the church gossip and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused Frank, a new m...

The DD

A young cop goes to the outskirts of town to a honky tonk planning on getting a few easy tickets or DUIs for the night.
As the bar starts closing down he sees many patrons coming out but one of the last guys out looks to be the drunkest.
The guy is stumbling all over the place and falling ...

Best pickup line: How do you like your eggs in the morning...

Fertilized?

Need a date? Use my pickup line

*GET IN THE VAN!*

Pickup line : hello, are you lactose intolerant?

Just wanted to make sure, my pickup line is very chessy. .


I used that once...she laughed...her husband laughed i walked away...true story btw

One of the best pickup lines ever

Are you trash?
Cause I wanna take you out

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So you know about how men with small penises drive massive pickup trucks to compensate?

I wonder what it means that my daily driver is a bicycle...

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Pickup lines

Man to a woman: I can tell you a story about my penis, but it’s too long!

Woman replies: I can tell you a story about my pussy, but you won’t get it!

Pickup line

If you were my little toe, I'd bang you on every piece of furniture

What was the cannibal's goto pickup line?

Mind if I pick your brain.

Two Sisters...

One blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed their own stock.

They ...

Three redneck friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. The other two were in the back.

They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.

Nerdy cell pickup lines

- These were some of my biology notes from freshman year. I actually remembered the functions from these jokes

Are u a golgi apparatus? Cause I need help processing my feelings for u

Are we proteins in a golgi apparatus? Cause we’re being shipped

I hope you aren’t a controsome c...

Good pickup line.

Two male flies are buzzing around the farmyard when they spot a female fly landing on a fresh pile of cow dung.
The one fly says, "Wow, she is cute! I'm going to try to talk to her, wish me luck."
He swoops down, lands right next to her and says, "Excuse me Miss, is this stool taken?"

What pickup line do you use on the devil?

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

PICKUP LINE: Don’t pay $5 for a footlong...

When you can get my 6 inch for free.

I came up with a new pickup line

If I could rearrange you alphabet, I’d put U next to D

Jerry Clower joke (Uncle Vercy`s Trial)

Since I couldn't find this joke in text form anywhere I took the time to type it out myself lol (No Spell Check)

Flew from Los Angeles California to Des Moines did a show there in the civic center. Then to Minneapolis Minnesota, Its 28 Degrees below 0 I slept between the mattresses. Then I l...

A cute girl was towing two tow trucks

She had a great pickup line

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A policeman pulls over an old man in a pickup truck

because the bed of his truck is full of ducks. The officer says, “Sir, it is unacceptable to have this flock of ducks downtown, take them to the Zoo this instant!”

The old man confirms that he will and drives off. The next day the officer sees the same man in the same truck still full of duck...

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Best pickup line:

Me: Can I smell your pussy?

Girl: no

Me: oh, it must be your feet then.

First jump at a parachute school

-Guys.. we have this yellow cord and then this red cord.. then a pickup truck will be waiting for you at this spot.

-But why the yellow cord and red cord?

-Yellow cord opens the parachute, if not then the red emergency cord opens.. then the pickup truck will be waiting for you at this...

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Life Without E-Mail

An unemployed man goes to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor. The manager there arranges for him to take an aptitude test (Section: Floors, sweeping and cleaning).

After the test, the manager says, "You will be employed at minimum wage, $5.15 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address...

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Letter from Ma

Dear Son,

I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved. Won't be able to send you the address as the last Arkansas family that lived here took t...

[Bad Pickup Line] I know I'm not the best looking guy here tonight...

but I'm the only one talking to you...

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The following add in the Atlanta Journal is reported to have received numerous calls

“Single female seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant.

I am a very good-looking girl who loves to play.

I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping, and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire.

Candlelight dinners will have ...

Since COVID, dating has been difficult

and the pickup lines have only gotten longer

Damn girl, are you a pickup truck?

Cuz I can't wait to put a load in you then dump you.

Terrible pickup line

If I'm a squirrel and you're a tree can I stuff my nuts in your hole?

Covid19 Pickup Lines

My girlfriend told me she likes it when I'm dirty so I washed my hands for 17 seconds instead of the recommended 20.

Bad pickup line: Dang girl, you smell like garbage...

Can I take you out?

Minecraft PiCkUp LiNeS

Girl, are you a redstone torch, because you really turn me on

Praying hands

In Tulsa, OK, on the campus of Oral Roberts University (Oral Roberts was one of those famous money hungry televangelists) there is a giant statue of a set of praying hands. It was discovered one day that they had broken apart and separated. They had construction engineers, all kinds of equipment, ex...

What’s a good musician pickup line?

You have a nice Fmaj7.

What did the stop sign say to the pickup truck?

Stop!

It”s morning somewhere

Ever since I was a child, I'd always had a fear of someone under my bed at night. So I went to a shrink and told him: “I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.” "Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Co...

Halloween Pickup lines

I can't find a costume for Halloween, so can I just go as your boyfriend?

Your costume looks complicated. Need help taking it off?

You’re such a treat that I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me.

You're the most boo-tiful ghost I've seen all night!

You look so good, ...

A friend of mine chops down trees, and then hauls away the lumber with a fleet of F-350 Super Duty pickup trucks...

...he's pining for the Fjords.

Neanderthal pickup lines...

“Hey baby, I’m fully erect.”

I went to study under a pickup artist.

Still no luck with women, but my truck looks great.

[Pickup line] Are you the Korean peninsula?

Because I'm gonna split you in two

A pee themed pickup line

Normally you’re a 4 or 5, but damn girl, when you’re peeing, urinate

What pickup line do the seven dwarves use?

Hi Hoe.

I've been having trouble meeting girls, so I asked my dad for some advice. He said that if I wanted to break the ice, the next time I go out, I should use this pickup line...

"Ford F-150, Chevy Silverado, Dodge Ram, Toyota Tundra, Nissan Titan, GMC Sierra, Honda Ridgeline..."

The stupid criminal hall of shame.

STUPID-CRIMINAL HALL OF SHAM:

Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene a...

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An old farmer is known across the state for his giant pumpkins.

An old farmer is known across the state for his giant pumpkins.

Every year he takes the blue ribbon at the state fair for biggest pumpkin, and every year his town throws a Pumpkin Parade for him where he drives the winner down Main Street in the back of his pickup, the local marching band pla...

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an actual oc joke i wrote out like a week ago

One day, a father is enjoying a walk alone, getting his sweet fresh air away from the nagging children and wife. However, enjoying the walk too much, he shuts his eyes. Turning a corner is a very wealthy man in a hurry, who ends up bumping into the father.

Both get up, and the father speaks u...

The 12 Days of Corona

In the year 2020, the pandemic gave to me:
12 Cancelled Plans
11 Face Masks
10 Sanitizers
9 Murder Hornets
8 Zoom Calls
7 Mental Breakdowns
6 Feet Apart
5 Curbside Pickups
4 Quarantines
3 Travel Restrictions
2 Karens Complaining
And a massive shortage of Grocery S...

What is the most effective pickup line?

Hello, this is your Uber driver.

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The Farmer

A farmer was worried that none of his pigs were getting pregnant. He called a vet and asked what he should do if he wanted more pigs. The vet told him he should try artificial insemination. The farmer, not wanting to appear stupid, answered okay and hung up the phone. Unclear on what the vet meant b...

How do fishermen pickup women?

All-lure

What is the pineal gland's pickup line?

"Well I'm no pituitary gland but I *can* make a hormone."

A cop is sitting on the side of the highway when all of a sudden he sees a guy driving a pickup truck full of penguins.

He pulls the truck over and tells the driver “What are you doing? You need to take these penguins to the zoo immediately.” The driver said OK. A few hours later, the truck passes again, still filled with penguins. The officer pulls the man over again, and says “I thought I told you to take these pen...

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A widow, Claire, was looking to move away from the city, and looked for a small town to live her final years in.

She drove a few hours out into the countryside to find a good place to move into. Eventually she came by Barkstown, and this peculiar name piqued her curiosity.

She drove in and was amazed by the amount of dogs there were in this town, but she was getting hungry from not eating all day.
...

Have you heard of the redneck covid test?

Get in your pickup truck with your family, rip a nasty fart.

If no one rolls down the windows... quarantine for two weeks.

A man goes into a car wash with a semi truck and comes out in a pickup truck

Everyone was confused what happened and they all asked the man what he thought had happened to his truck. He simply shrugged and said, “What can I say, it shrunk in the wash.”

Great pickup line...

You:Hey, do you have a Memory foam mattress?

Her: Yes.

You: Wanna Traumatize it?

A farmer got in his beat-up old pickup, drove over to the neighbors and knocked on the door...

A farmer got in his beat-up old pickup, drove over to the neighbors and knocked on the door.

A young boy, about 9, opened the door.

"Is your paw home?" the farmer asked.

"No sir, he isn't," the boy replied. "He went into town."

"Well," said the man "is your mother here?"...

Cheesiest pickup line You've ever heard?

Do you believe in love at first sight—or should I walk by again?
Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material.
Can I have directions? [To where?] To your heart.
There's only one thing I want to change about you, and that's your last name.
You're so beautiful that you made me...

Nerdy pickup line

Hey baby, are you a compressed file format, because rar.

^^^^^now ^^^^^where ^^^^^did ^^^^^I ^^^^^put ^^^^^the ^^^^^bleach...

Hamster PickUp Line?

If I was a Hamster, and I met a female hamster I liked...id say "Aye Girl, You From Amsterdam? Cause Hamster Damn!"

What does Neil Degrasse Tyson say to pickup a lady?

"Hey, would you like to get astro physical with my dark matter?"

What's your favorite pickup line?

Mine is the Ford F Series.

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Flat Earther pickup line

The Earth may be flat

but Uranus is round

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Best pickup line ever

A guy beckons a girl to come over

“Yes,” she says as she approaches the guy

Brilliantly, he replies “if I could get you to cum with one finger, imagine what I can do with two!”

A man in Texas is driving with twenty penguins in the bed of his pickup…

…when he is stopped by a State Trooper. The trooper approaches and tells the man that he needs to take the penguins to the zoo immediately as they are non-native and not registered to the man as pets. “Right away, officer,” replies the man, and off he goes.

The following day, the same man i...

What is a builder's favourite pickup line?

I'd like to put my tongue in your groove.

Pickup Line!

on a scale of 1 to 10, you are a 9 and I'm the 1 you need.

My buddy and I were out for a walk and noticed this giant hole in a field...

We walked up to the hole and threw in a small rock; no sound; no signs of it hitting the bottom!

So we found a larger rock and threw it into the hole; no sound; no signs of it ever hitting the bottom.

My buddy notices a bunch of railroad ties along the forest line nearby. We lug the gi...

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I don’t like to pickup the phone when someone butt dials me

It’s probably an asshole that’s trying to call me

I like to think of terrible pickup lines. Here's my most recent one.

"Hey girl, are you a mainstream, late 90's, early 2000's heavy metal band with a lisp?

Becauthe I'm 'Down with the Thickneth."

Looks her up and down.

So, a Frenchman, an American and a Russian are at a car show.

Frenchman looks at the show car and says "we French also have good cars. At home we drive Citroen, but when we go abroad we drive the luxurious Renault".

The American agrees, and says "we also drive Ford pickups at home, but abroad we drive Cadillacs to impress".

The Russian thinks for...

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A man from Wyoming and a man from California are driving across Wyoming in a pickup truck. [NSFW]

It’s boring, it’s flat, they haven’t seen anything interesting in hours.

Eventually, they find a sheep with its head stuck in a fence. The man from Wyoming looks over at the man from California with a crazy grin and says “watch this”.

The man from Wyoming pulls the truck over, climbs...

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I didn’t see that coming...

I went to the optometrist today and was upset when they tried to charge me for my prescription.

I told them that their advertisement said they are offering contact-free pickup now.

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How did Nazi's pickup Jewish Women?

With a dust pan and broom

Yo mama is like groceries during a pandemic...

...available for curbside pickup.

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Pickup lines

An old man drinking at the bar and sees a young man walk up to a girl and say "Tickle your ass with a feather?"

Clearly surprised and upset the woman replies, "What!!?"

The young man "repeats" himself and says "Particularly nice weather?"

Embarrassed by her confusion the girl ...

Why are cowboy hats curled up on the side?

So they can fit three in the pickup.

"Dead or alive, you're coming with me."

Great movie quote, horrible pickup line…

Hookers were prepared for the pandemic

because they’ve always offered curbside pickup.

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A redneck is on his honeymoon about to make love, when his wife says...

"Wait, honey, there's somethin' I need you to know. I'm a virgirn"
"WHAT THE FUCK?" The man shouts, and he punches her in the face, knocks her out. He wraps her in the bedsheets, drags her down the stairs and out the door, throws her into the back of his pickup truck, and drives on over to her da...

Is Allahu Akbar a good pickup line?

From what I hear, it's always getting guys blown.

Pickup line: Hey girl, did I take a loan from you?

Because my interest in you keeps growing.

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A woman sat down on a park bench, glanced around and decided to stretch out her legs on the seat and relax

After a while, a beggar came up to her and said, "Hello luv, how's about us going for a walk together?"

"How dare you", retorted the woman, "I'm not some cheap pickup!"

"Well then", said the tramp, "get the fuck out of my bed".

A man walks into a Pharmacy

Bill walks into a pharmacy and gets in line behind three men to speak about a prescription. The first guy says to the female pharmacist "Haven't we met before?" She smiles, and he pays her. The second guy walks up and says "That white coat looks beautiful on you" She smiles and takes his money. The ...

Greatest pickup line that never works!!

I put the STD in stud, now all I need is U.

(cheesy pickup line) How much does a polar bear weigh?

Enough to break the ice

A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde were cruising around in a pickup truck

As they were crossing a bridge, they lost control of the truck and it plunged into the river below. The redhead quickly opened her door and swam to the surface. The brunette's door was stuck, but she was able to roll down the window and also swam to the surface. The blonde unfortunately drowned - sh...

A pickup line for people named Matt.

"Hey girl, you should sleep with me, my name's short for mattress." (Just made it up today, please don't hate me.)

What do ya call a truck carrying cocaine?

A pickup line

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