Pickup line: "Hey girl. Is your dad in prison?"

"Because if I was your dad, I'd be in prison."

I just thought up what is probably the worst pickup line ever...

Are you a mirror? 'Cause I can see myself in you.

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A old man with a old pickup crashed into a BMW

The BMW owner said "what the fuck! Are you blind?" And the old man said "relax man!"

" How do you think that I can be relaxed, you just crashed my car! "

" Look, I produce a delicious craft beer at my house, take a bottle and chill"

He drinks the bottle and likes it, so he asks ...

Need a date? Use my pickup line

*GET IN THE VAN!*

Depressing pickup lines.

Are you suicide?
Because I think about you every day.

Are you a toaster?
Because I really want to take a bath with you.

Are you a noose?
Because I really want to hang with you.

Are you a gravestone?
Because I really wish you were on top of me.

Are you anti-...

What was the cannibal's goto pickup line?

Mind if I pick your brain.

Pickup line

Are you from oklahoma? Cus you’re just ok

My friend is a pickup artist but has no success with women

Its probably because he spends most of his time drawing F-150s

Best pickup line: How do you like your eggs in the morning...

Fertilized?

Two Sisters...

One blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed their own stock.

They ...

Pickup line : hello, are you lactose intolerant?

Just wanted to make sure, my pickup line is very chessy. .


I used that once...she laughed...her husband laughed i walked away...true story btw

I hadn't put my own picture up on my dating profile, just a picture of my pickup

I hadn't put my own picture up on my dating profile, just a picture of my pickup. But that's okay, because she'd just put a picture of her dog. I sent her a message, something almost-clever like "your dog can ride in my pickup any time," and she responded.

We clicked pretty quickly, and sta...

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Pickup lines

Man to a woman: I can tell you a story about my penis, but it’s too long!

Woman replies: I can tell you a story about my pussy, but you won’t get it!

One of the best pickup lines ever

Are you trash?
Cause I wanna take you out

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So you know about how men with small penises drive massive pickup trucks to compensate?

I wonder what it means that my daily driver is a bicycle...

Pickup line

If you were my little toe, I'd bang you on every piece of furniture

Three redneck friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. The other two were in the back.

They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.

Nerdy cell pickup lines

- These were some of my biology notes from freshman year. I actually remembered the functions from these jokes

Are u a golgi apparatus? Cause I need help processing my feelings for u

Are we proteins in a golgi apparatus? Cause we’re being shipped

I hope you aren’t a controsome c...

The stupid criminal hall of shame.

STUPID-CRIMINAL HALL OF SHAM:

Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene a...

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An old farmer is known across the state for his giant pumpkins.

An old farmer is known across the state for his giant pumpkins.

Every year he takes the blue ribbon at the state fair for biggest pumpkin, and every year his town throws a Pumpkin Parade for him where he drives the winner down Main Street in the back of his pickup, the local marching band pla...

Covid-19 Pickup Lines

Covid-19 cancelling everything except my love for you.

Have you heard of the redneck covid test?

Get in your pickup truck with your family, rip a nasty fart.

If no one rolls down the windows... quarantine for two weeks.

What pickup line do you use on the devil?

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

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The Farmer

A farmer was worried that none of his pigs were getting pregnant. He called a vet and asked what he should do if he wanted more pigs. The vet told him he should try artificial insemination. The farmer, not wanting to appear stupid, answered okay and hung up the phone. Unclear on what the vet meant b...

Good pickup line.

Two male flies are buzzing around the farmyard when they spot a female fly landing on a fresh pile of cow dung.
The one fly says, "Wow, she is cute! I'm going to try to talk to her, wish me luck."
He swoops down, lands right next to her and says, "Excuse me Miss, is this stool taken?"

Covid19 Pickup Lines

My girlfriend told me she likes it when I'm dirty so I washed my hands for 17 seconds instead of the recommended 20.

New quarantine pickup line:

Hey baby, just call me COVID-19, because I want to be inside you for 14 days without you knowing.


Was told this was inappropriate at work.

I came up with a new pickup line

If I could rearrange you alphabet, I’d put U next to D

A Chevy Silverado, a GMC Sierra, a Ford F150, a RAM 1500, and a Toyota Tacoma are driving in convoy

Best pickup line ever

PICKUP LINE: Don’t pay $5 for a footlong...

When you can get my 6 inch for free.

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A policeman pulls over an old man in a pickup truck

because the bed of his truck is full of ducks. The officer says, “Sir, it is unacceptable to have this flock of ducks downtown, take them to the Zoo this instant!”

The old man confirms that he will and drives off. The next day the officer sees the same man in the same truck still full of duck...

Bad pickup line: Dang girl, you smell like garbage...

Can I take you out?

What’s a good musician pickup line?

You have a nice Fmaj7.

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A widow, Claire, was looking to move away from the city, and looked for a small town to live her final years in.

She drove a few hours out into the countryside to find a good place to move into. Eventually she came by Barkstown, and this peculiar name piqued her curiosity.

She drove in and was amazed by the amount of dogs there were in this town, but she was getting hungry from not eating all day.
...

Mildred, the local gossip and self appointed keeper of the church’s morals, kept poking her nose into other people’s business.

Several members of the church did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but kept to themselves in fear of reprisal.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused a new member, George, of being an alcoholic after seeing his old pickup parked outside the town’s only pub one afternoo...

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Best pickup line:

Me: Can I smell your pussy?

Girl: no

Me: oh, it must be your feet then.

Minecraft PiCkUp LiNeS

Girl, are you a redstone torch, because you really turn me on

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A woman sat down on a park bench, glanced around and decided to stretch out her legs on the seat and relax

After a while, a beggar came up to her and said, "Hello luv, how's about us going for a walk together?"

"How dare you", retorted the woman, "I'm not some cheap pickup!"

"Well then", said the tramp, "get the fuck out of my bed".

Below is an ad that appeared in The Atalanta Journal.

Single black female seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who loves to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips; cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of ...

A friend of mine chops down trees, and then hauls away the lumber with a fleet of F-350 Super Duty pickup trucks...

...he's pining for the Fjords.

My buddy and I were out for a walk and noticed this giant hole in a field...

We walked up to the hole and threw in a small rock; no sound; no signs of it hitting the bottom!

So we found a larger rock and threw it into the hole; no sound; no signs of it ever hitting the bottom.

My buddy notices a bunch of railroad ties along the forest line nearby. We lug the gi...

What did the stop sign say to the pickup truck?

Stop!

Damn girl, are you a pickup truck?

Cuz I can't wait to put a load in you then dump you.

Neanderthal pickup lines...

“Hey baby, I’m fully erect.”

So, a Frenchman, an American and a Russian are at a car show.

Frenchman looks at the show car and says "we French also have good cars. At home we drive Citroen, but when we go abroad we drive the luxurious Renault".

The American agrees, and says "we also drive Ford pickups at home, but abroad we drive Cadillacs to impress".

The Russian thinks for...

A man walks into a Pharmacy

Bill walks into a pharmacy and gets in line behind three men to speak about a prescription. The first guy says to the female pharmacist "Haven't we met before?" She smiles, and he pays her. The second guy walks up and says "That white coat looks beautiful on you" She smiles and takes his money. The ...

Halloween Pickup lines

I can't find a costume for Halloween, so can I just go as your boyfriend?

Your costume looks complicated. Need help taking it off?

You’re such a treat that I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me.

You're the most boo-tiful ghost I've seen all night!

You look so good, ...

Why are cowboy hats curled up on the side?

So they can fit three in the pickup.

A pee themed pickup line

Normally you’re a 4 or 5, but damn girl, when you’re peeing, urinate

Yo mama is like groceries during a pandemic...

...available for curbside pickup.

What do ya call a truck carrying cocaine?

A pickup line

[Bad Pickup Line] I know I'm not the best looking guy here tonight...

but I'm the only one talking to you...

What pickup line do the seven dwarves use?

Hi Hoe.

"Dead or alive, you're coming with me."

Great movie quote, horrible pickup line…

A man in rags parks a 40-year-old pickup truck next to a printing store and walks up to the counter.

He says:

- I need 20 pictures of Kim Kardashian. I'll pay later.

The store clerk agrees and makes the prints. The truck guy drives away with them. Some time later, he comes back in decent clothes and a 20-year-old truck, pays for the 20 pictures and says:

- I need 50 pictures of...

I went to study under a pickup artist.

Still no luck with women, but my truck looks great.

Pickup line for male hamsters to females

Are you from Amsterdam? Cause hamster , damn !!

Terrible pickup line

If I'm a squirrel and you're a tree can I stuff my nuts in your hole?

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Bear Exterminator

A man has a bear perched on the roof of his house. He has tried everything to get the bear off the house but nothing works. So finally he gives up and calls the bear exterminator.

The bear exterminator shows up in an old pickup with a huge cage in the back. After he surveys the situation he b...

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The prize fighter and the Texan

A prizefighter was driving across West Texas with his wife. He said, "Honey, I've been thinking. I've always heard how tough Texans are. Here I am with a 20-0 record in the ring. I feel like I'm tough but I've never fought a Texan. It's got me to wondering."

The wife said, "Oh Honey, that doe...

[Pickup line] Are you the Korean peninsula?

Because I'm gonna split you in two

Hookers were prepared for the pandemic

because they’ve always offered curbside pickup.

What is the most effective pickup line?

Hello, this is your Uber driver.

I've been having trouble meeting girls, so I asked my dad for some advice. He said that if I wanted to break the ice, the next time I go out, I should use this pickup line...

"Ford F-150, Chevy Silverado, Dodge Ram, Toyota Tundra, Nissan Titan, GMC Sierra, Honda Ridgeline..."

How do fishermen pickup women?

All-lure

Always be closing

Head car salesman Jeff, having just had a heart to heart with bottom performer Larry about how important getting his next sale was to keeping his job, walked back out onto the sales lot and into a sight that nearly caused him to have a coronary.

Larry, considered dim even by using LED bulb wa...

A man goes into a car wash with a semi truck and comes out in a pickup truck

Everyone was confused what happened and they all asked the man what he thought had happened to his truck. He simply shrugged and said, “What can I say, it shrunk in the wash.”

A cop is sitting on the side of the highway when all of a sudden he sees a guy driving a pickup truck full of penguins.

He pulls the truck over and tells the driver “What are you doing? You need to take these penguins to the zoo immediately.” The driver said OK. A few hours later, the truck passes again, still filled with penguins. The officer pulls the man over again, and says “I thought I told you to take these pen...

It could happen

Ah Mis’sippi Highway Patrol trooper pulled a car over on Hwy 82 about 2 miles east of tha’ River Bridge at Greenville ‘bout 4:00 yesterday afternoon.

When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was ah Magician and ah Juggler and he was on his way to Columbus, Mis...

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Mr. Becker was a cantankerous old Farmer

But he owns some best Land in the valley for Deer hunting. People had asked permission to hunt on his land forever and always ended up hightailing out of there to escape the barrage of expletives hurled at them and a potential for a dusting of rock salt out of his shotgun.

My buddy Cory an...

I got a Russian Uber driver today.

His name was Pickup Andropov!!..

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A little Texas joke

A young man in Oklahoma turns 21. Excited, he tells his father, “I want to finally go to Texas.”

His father warns, “Scooter, you’re a full-grown man, now. I can’t stop you from going to Texas. But I have to warn you… **EVERYTHING IS BIG IN TEXAS!** You can’t be prepared for how absolutely hug...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Best pickup line ever

A guy beckons a girl to come over

“Yes,” she says as she approaches the guy

Brilliantly, he replies “if I could get you to cum with one finger, imagine what I can do with two!”

A farmer got in his beat-up old pickup, drove over to the neighbors and knocked on the door...

A farmer got in his beat-up old pickup, drove over to the neighbors and knocked on the door.

A young boy, about 9, opened the door.

"Is your paw home?" the farmer asked.

"No sir, he isn't," the boy replied. "He went into town."

"Well," said the man "is your mother here?"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There used to be 9 planets...

But Pluto was downgraded and now we have 8. And if you’re lucky enough, soon we will only have 7. Because I’m about to destroy Uranus.

(Best if used a pickup line)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Flat Earther pickup line

The Earth may be flat

but Uranus is round

Great pickup line...

You:Hey, do you have a Memory foam mattress?

Her: Yes.

You: Wanna Traumatize it?

A guy goes skydiving for the first time.

The instructor goes over the procedure with him.

“That plane will take you up,” the instructor says. “The pilot will let you know when you are over the drop zone. Jump out the back door of the plane and watch your altimeter. When it says 2000 ft, pull the red cord. It’ll deploy your main para...

Due to COVID-19, truck dealerships have moved sales of their vehicles out of their buildings and onto the streets.

They’re calling the new service:

Curbside pickup.

Nerdy pickup line

Hey baby, are you a compressed file format, because rar.

^^^^^now ^^^^^where ^^^^^did ^^^^^I ^^^^^put ^^^^^the ^^^^^bleach...

What's your favorite pickup line?

Mine is the Ford F Series.

What is a builder's favourite pickup line?

I'd like to put my tongue in your groove.

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I don’t like to pickup the phone when someone butt dials me

It’s probably an asshole that’s trying to call me

Hamster PickUp Line?

If I was a Hamster, and I met a female hamster I liked...id say "Aye Girl, You From Amsterdam? Cause Hamster Damn!"

What does Neil Degrasse Tyson say to pickup a lady?

"Hey, would you like to get astro physical with my dark matter?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man from Wyoming and a man from California are driving across Wyoming in a pickup truck. [NSFW]

It’s boring, it’s flat, they haven’t seen anything interesting in hours.

Eventually, they find a sheep with its head stuck in a fence. The man from Wyoming looks over at the man from California with a crazy grin and says “watch this”.

The man from Wyoming pulls the truck over, climbs...

A man in Texas is driving with twenty penguins in the bed of his pickup…

…when he is stopped by a State Trooper. The trooper approaches and tells the man that he needs to take the penguins to the zoo immediately as they are non-native and not registered to the man as pets. “Right away, officer,” replies the man, and off he goes.

The following day, the same man i...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How did Nazi's pickup Jewish Women?

With a dust pan and broom

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A redneck is on his honeymoon about to make love, when his wife says...

"Wait, honey, there's somethin' I need you to know. I'm a virgirn"
"WHAT THE FUCK?" The man shouts, and he punches her in the face, knocks her out. He wraps her in the bedsheets, drags her down the stairs and out the door, throws her into the back of his pickup truck, and drives on over to her da...

What do you call a row of trucks hauling nachos?

A cheesy pickup line.

Pickup Line!

on a scale of 1 to 10, you are a 9 and I'm the 1 you need.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pickup lines

An old man drinking at the bar and sees a young man walk up to a girl and say "Tickle your ass with a feather?"

Clearly surprised and upset the woman replies, "What!!?"

The young man "repeats" himself and says "Particularly nice weather?"

Embarrassed by her confusion the girl ...

Is Allahu Akbar a good pickup line?

From what I hear, it's always getting guys blown.

[OC] A farmer was wandering around the ranch

He stopped at regular intervals along his wire fence, mumbling to himself.

"Hey Howard, what's up?" His neighbor cruised by on a pickup truck.

"Bill, there's something wrong with my fence." He points to the vertical piece of wood which held up the wire.

"This is exactly identi...

(cheesy pickup line) How much does a polar bear weigh?

Enough to break the ice

What did one geneticist say to the other as a pickup line?

You look good in those genes.

Pickup line: Hey girl, did I take a loan from you?

Because my interest in you keeps growing.

LPT: How to pick up girls

Try this:

1. Acquire several dozen limes.

1. Go up to them and then drop all the limes.

1. Start picking them up, but keep dropping them. The clumsier you look the better.

1. Keep doing this until you have their attention (this could take up to thirty minutes).

1....

Greatest pickup line that never works!!

I put the STD in stud, now all I need is U.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Engineering pickup lines

Engineering pickup lines:

Hey babe, what's your factor of safety?

Can I use my sigma to find your tau max?

What frequency does it take to make your O-me-ga

How big does your period need to be to reduce our frequency

How about you and I go have a couple moment
...

I really want a truck queue this weekend.

Oops, sorry, I meant for that to be a pickup line.

A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde were cruising around in a pickup truck

As they were crossing a bridge, they lost control of the truck and it plunged into the river below. The redhead quickly opened her door and swam to the surface. The brunette's door was stuck, but she was able to roll down the window and also swam to the surface. The blonde unfortunately drowned - sh...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dear Jebediah

Dear Jebediah,

I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved. Won't be able to send you the address as the last Arkansas family that lived here t...

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