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Rosemary Jokes

my friend just started dating a girl called Rosemary

I don't know what he season her

I read in a medical journal that sniffing Rosemary will improve your immunity during this rainy season...

But my colleague is not understanding when I do this and now she’s calling the security...

The cops broke down the door and asked Rosemary about the kidnapping

She claimed that she didn't have the Thyme

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

People tell me they love Jerk Seasoning, just not my interpretation of it

Because apparently, it's not very nice when I throw Rosemary at them while they Masturbate

I think "Scarborough Fair" is Simon & Garfunkel's most haunting song

To this day, I still wonder, "*Did* Parsley save Rosemary in time?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two nuns stand smoking outside their convent...

Two nuns stand smoking outside their convent.

There's a crack of thunder, the clouds roll in, and it starts to rain.

The younger of the nuns, Sister Agnes, pulls out a condom, bites the end off, and rolls it over her cigarette.

The older nun, Sister Rosemary, looks on, dumbfound...

What pronouns does Rosemary like to go by?

She/Herb.

I put a lot of basil, parsley, rosemary and thyme in my old Volkswagen Beetle...

..it became herby.

I heard if you look in a map's corner and see the words "BLOODY ROSEMARY," you'll die.

But that's just an herb in legend.

A mondegreen courtesy of a four year old

I was listening to pop, folk and soft rock music from the 60s and 70s the other day, artists like Cat Stevens, Simon and Garfunkel, and the Doobie Brothers. My granddaughter came in the room, climbed up on the bed, and cuddled up next to me.

She was listening very intently to the lyrics of on...

My daughter asked me why there are a lot of soaps that smell like lavender.

I said "It's just a popular smell that a lot of people like, like sweet orange, lemongrass and rosemary." She paused and then nodded and replied:

"Yes, that seems like common scents."

The wise spice trader was known for his sage advice

He was less sought after for his oregano guidance, his thyme tips, and his rosemary consultations.

The Master Chef

A master chef brags to another man that he has at long last created the perfect dish. A dish so delicious that no man alive could resist it culinary divinity.

The man asks how such a dish is possible.

The chef responds that the secret is his artfully crafted blend of herbs and spices t...

My Dad just told me about his Simon & Garfunkel garden...

*Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme*

A blind man walks into a restaurant...

The owner greets the blind man and asks him how he can help him choose a meal "shall I read to you our menu? “the owner asks.

" no need" says the blind man, "just bring me a selection of dirty forks and I'll know what to choose."

Curious, the owner goes back to the kitchen, gets a hand...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Hypnotist. (NSFW)

A hypnotist decides to try out his magic on his girlfriend, Meg, one evening. After a romantic dinner he rakes out his pocket watch and slowly starts swinging it from side to side. Transfixed she stares at it.
He says "When I say head, Meg, you will suck my dick, and when I say right nut, Meg, s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar and says he'll drink anything that has gin in it

The Bartender decides he wants to impress the man with something creative. He grabs some cold-pressed mango juice from the refrigerator, squeezes in the juice from a small lemon, adds some ginger ale, and garnishes it with rosemary and an orange twist. Finally he adds the gin.

As the man fini...

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