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Mushrooms Jokes

I tripped on some mushrooms

... hurt my knees, but I'm alright

Mushroom trip

A guy sits in his shared apartment when his drug enthusiast roommate walks in.

"Hey, I just bought some mushrooms from my dealer, he said it's some serious business, so don't be scared if I won't come out of my room for a few hours!"

The next day the roommate is found dead. The cause o...

So a mushroom walks into a bar. Bartender says "We don't serve mushrooms here. You're always ruining jokes."

The mushroom says "Come on. I'm a nice guy."

My friend studies mushrooms

So I told him he's a fun guy.

He says that's the moldest joke in the book.

I said it's a classic, one you myght call OG.

"Amanita explanation on that one," he says.

"Nevermind," I say, "s'porely written anyway."

Why is it never frustrating to teach mushrooms?

Because even if they don’t have the correct answer, they always have a *fun-guess.*

*dad-joke collaboration with a 7-year old*

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Whats good on pizza but not on pussy?

crust.





edit: yall keep making better jokes in the comments LMAO

possible answers : red sauce, white sauce, yeast, cheese, senior discount (wtf), crabs, hot sauce, mushrooms. damn yall are just funnier than me lol

Did you know that some special kinds of mushrooms make people think more clearly?

That’s just some food for thought.

Why did the chef philosopher always put mushrooms in every dish that he made?

He claimed it was a morel imperative.

A joke I remember making up when I was 7 : What do you get when a giant steps on a house?

Mushrooms

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Mushrooms

Two men who have not seen each other in over ten years are meeting for a drink

Billy: So Mark, what is new in your life?

Mark: Well, I am getting married for the fourth time on Saturday.

Billy: Fourth time, What happened to Amanda?

Mark: She died from eating poison mushro...

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I don’t care for your opinion on mushrooms.

It’s a shit take.

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Mushrooms

A man walks into a bar and sits down.

The bartender asks "What'll it be?"

Man says "Whiskey... leave the bottle."

"You got it, everything alright?"

"I just became a widower for the 3rd time"

"Oh god, pal! I'm so sorry! You seem so young, can I ask what happened?"...

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Why do penises look like mushrooms?

Because they grow on fun guys
-credit to my wife for this one

I watched this documentary last night on mushrooms

I think that's how I'm going to watch all of them from now on.

A great tragedy befalls Russia

At a state dinner dozens of high ranking officials have died. After eating a mushroom cream soup generals started falling to the floor left and right.

The investigation is quick: the official cause is mushroom poisoning. Members of the press are invited to the scene of the tragedy.

"A...

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What kind of mushrooms always gossip about you behind your back?

Shit-talk-y mushrooms!

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I tried to post my opinion on mushrooms

But it was a shittake!

A farmer wanted to start growing mushrooms

But he didn't have any spores or enough space to grow them, so unfortunately he wasn't able to. He just didn't have mushroom.

I was illegally hunting for mushrooms.

I have questionable morels.

Ate some weird mushrooms last night and somehow ended up in a Mazda car sales yard tripping like crazy....

Shroom Shroom.

Did you hear about the blind guy who took mushrooms then ran a marathon?

Dude was trippin.

In Jamaica you can get a steak and kidney pie for £1.75…

…a chicken and mushroom pie for £1.60 and an apple pie for £2.15.

In St Kitts and Nevis a steak and kidney pie will cost you £2, a chicken pie (without mushrooms) is £1.70 and a cherry pie can be yours for £1.95.

In Trinidad and Tobago, that steak and kidney pie comes in at £2.50, but ...

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Little mushrooms

A horny young man is walking down by a mushroom patch behind a nunnery, when he gets an idea. He strips, lies on his back, and buries himself with just his erection sticking out, disguised among the other mushrooms. Before long, a pretty, dainty young nun comes out with a basket and begins picking m...

Why shouldn't you eat mushrooms as an appetiser?

Because it leaves not-mushroom for the rest of your food.

Did you hear about the man that trespassed on his neighbor's property to steal mushrooms?

Turns out he has bad morals.

Fourteen mushrooms were sitting at a lunch table.

One more asked to join. One of them said, “Sorry there is not mushroom”

All mushrooms are edible

But some mushrooms are only edible once

What do you call a lady who enjoys mushrooms?

A fungal.

My uncle always hated eating mushrooms...

...but now that he's dead, they're beginning to grow on him.

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What kind of mushrooms get in the most fights?

Shit talky mushrooms

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My first wife died from eating poisonous mushrooms.

My second wife died from eating poisonous mushrooms.

My third wife died from a cracked skull...

...the bitch wouldn't eat her mushrooms.

Mushrooms

A man was talking to his friend on the phone after many years:

"Hey buddy, how is your life, heards you got married again, is this the fourth time now?"

"Yes"

"So what happened to your ex-wives, do you still see them?"

"No, they're all dead."

"My condolences, how ...

Why’s it a bad idea to eat mushrooms for dinner?

Because you won’t have mushroom left for dessert.

“You know, I think it’s your turn to pick wild mushrooms.” My girlfriend said.

So I gather.

Mushrooms...

The breakfast of Champignons.

Every morning I eat French mushrooms...

It’s the breakfast of champignons

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Did you know that mushrooms are really similar to frog poop?

They're toadstools.

Why don’t mushrooms get invited to games nights?

Because they’re spore losers.

Make sure to always be careful when eating mushrooms

If you eat the wrong one you could be in truffle

Mushrooms are the most virtuous of fungi...

they have the best morels.

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You'd think sex on mushrooms would be fun.

But it's sooo much better on a bed.

Took my final exam on magic mushrooms

I passed with flying colors

Personally I think you should start the day off with a meal of French mushrooms

...Breakfast of champignons

A man was deathly allergic to mushrooms. After a huge fight, his wife cooked a mushroom into his dinner. He ate it and died.

The morel of the story.. killed him.

A mushroom walks up to a bar but the bouncer stops him and points at a sign that says "NO MUSHROOMS".

The mushroom says "Hey what's the big deal, I'm a fungii!"

Don't walk through a field of mushrooms

It's quite a tripping hazard.

I met this dude once who was really into mushrooms.

He was a real fun guy.

Karen served wild mushrooms to the church group.

A group of country friends from the Wildwood Church wanted to get together on a regular basis, socialize, and play games. The lady of the house was to prepare the meal.

When it came time for Tom and Karen to be the hosts, Karen wanted to outdo all the others. Karen decided to have mushroom-sm...

Whilst holidaying in France I saw a group of mushrooms performing Queen covers.

I said 'You're brilliant, what's the band called?'
They replied 'We are the Champignons, my friend'

Why is it not worth it to hunt for mushrooms?

It’s too much truffle.

I used to have this amazing device that would lead me to the most delicious mushrooms

But now it seems i've lost my Morel Compass

I don't think you should make all of our different banknotes out of mushrooms!

Why not? Certainly you understand that money is fungible!

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Did you hear about the mushroom hunter who was terrible at finding edible mushrooms, so would resort to stealing them from the baskets of other hunters?

He had no morel compass.

I used to hate mushrooms

But then they grew on me

Our local woods are full of mushrooms right now.

I'm always tripping on them

Why are books about mushrooms so confusing?

They have too many different morels.

What type of mushrooms are the worst to have as friends?

Shiitalkin!

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