Why shouldn't you eat mushrooms as an appetiser?

Because it leaves not-mushroom for the rest of your food.

A farmer wanted to start growing mushrooms

But he didn't have any spores or enough space to grow them, so unfortunately he wasn't able to. He just didn't have mushroom.

What do you call a lady who enjoys mushrooms?

A fungal.

A joke I remember making up when I was 7 : What do you get when a giant steps on a house?

Mushrooms

A man heard his friend had lost two wives in two years. He felt bad so he called to give his condolences. He asked "how'd your first wife die?" "She ate poison mushrooms." "What about you second wife?" "She died of blunt trauma to the head." "Why would that have happened?''

"She wouldn't eat her mushrooms."

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Did you know that mushrooms are really similar to frog poop?

They're toadstools.

Two mushrooms were talking politics.

One mushroom said “I think that women shouldn’t be allowed to vote.”

The other said “Thats a shiitake.”

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I tried to post my opinion on mushrooms

But it was a shittake!

“You know, I think it’s your turn to pick wild mushrooms.” My girlfriend said.

So I gather.

An elderly woman was taken to court suspected of having killed the 4 husbands she'd had. There, the prosecutor starts the interrogation;

"How did your first husband die?" Asked the prosecutor.

"He ate soup made with poisonous mushrooms" Answered the woman.

"And, how did your second husband die?".

"He ate soup made with poisonous mushrooms".

The court gasps.

The prosecutor follows on "How did your th...

Personally I think you should start the day off with a meal of French mushrooms

...Breakfast of champignons

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What kind of mushrooms get in the most fights?

Shit talky mushrooms

Why’s it a bad idea to eat mushrooms for dinner?

Because you won’t have mushroom left for dessert.

"I hear you just got married again."

Jim: "Joe, I hear you just got married again."

Joe: "Yes, for the fourth time."

Jim: "What happened to your first three wives?"

Joe: "They all died, Jim."

Jim: "How did that happen?"

Joe: "My first wife ate poison mushrooms."

Jim: "How terrible! And your sec...

I was illegally hunting for mushrooms.

I have questionable morels.

A drug addict calls the police to report something interesting

The police officer, interested, asks. "What is it?"

The addict responds. "Okay, I-"

The officer interrupts, quickly making sure they're not on drugs "You're sober right now, right?"

"Yes, this happened when I was sober too."

All seems okay to this point. "Okay, go on."...

I used to have this amazing device that would lead me to the most delicious mushrooms

But now it seems i've lost my Morel Compass

Scientists say they may be able to synthesize a completely clean biofuel using the enzymes in finely shredded fungi, such as mushrooms...

Some critics have questioned the ethics of the process, but admit they are comforted by the researchers’ strong Morel fibre.

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My stomach doesn’t tolerate mushrooms.

They really give me a shit ache.

I watched a documentary on mushrooms tonight.

I'll probably watch them all like that from now on.

My friend had mushrooms during the party

Now he's a fun guy

I don't think you should make all of our different banknotes out of mushrooms!

Why not? Certainly you understand that money is fungible!

A mushroom walks up to a bar but the bouncer stops him and points at a sign that says "NO MUSHROOMS".

The mushroom says "Hey what's the big deal, I'm a fungii!"

Make sure to always be careful when eating mushrooms

If you eat the wrong one you could be in truffle

When I was younger, I used to hate eating mushrooms, but now I think they’re growing on me...

...and I can’t get them off

WHO investigators wanted to talk to the Wuhan scientists.

When they arrived to Wuhan Institute of Virology CCP officials informed them that unfortunately all the scientists have died after eating poison mushrooms.



WHO investigators were suspicious so they demanded that they exhume the bodies of dead scientists and check if they really died ...

Why did God make mushrooms?

Cause there wasn't mushroom for anything else

Fourteen mushrooms were sitting at a lunch table.

One more asked to join. One of them said, “Sorry there is not mushroom”

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What do you call when you mix brandy, shitake mushrooms, rat poison and a dash of vanilla essence?

The ambulance

I met this dude once who was really into mushrooms.

He was a real fun guy.

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My first wife died from eating poisonous mushrooms.

My second wife died from eating poisonous mushrooms.

My third wife died from a cracked skull...

...the bitch wouldn't eat her mushrooms.

So a mushroom walks into a bar. Bartender says "We don't serve mushrooms here. You're always ruining jokes."

The mushroom says "Come on. I'm a nice guy."

One Day, Mario took peach to a fancy pizzaria

They made their order, then sat down and waited. After a few minutes a busty waitress brought them their pizza. Then they started eating. once their meal was done the waitress came back to see how their meal went. To her and Peach's horror, Mario was so big he broke through the roof. When the waitre...

i've been married two times. my first wife died to poisonous mushrooms. the other sufred severe skull fracture.

\-what happened to her?

\-she didn't want to eat the mushrooms

Karen served wild mushrooms to the church group.

A group of country friends from the Wildwood Church wanted to get together on a regular basis, socialize, and play games. The lady of the house was to prepare the meal.

When it came time for Tom and Karen to be the hosts, Karen wanted to outdo all the others. Karen decided to have mushroom-sm...

Whilst holidaying in France I saw a group of mushrooms performing Queen covers.

I said 'You're brilliant, what's the band called?'
They replied 'We are the Champignons, my friend'

A man was deathly allergic to mushrooms. After a huge fight, his wife cooked a mushroom into his dinner. He ate it and died.

The morel of the story.. killed him.

Why is it not worth it to hunt for mushrooms?

It’s too much truffle.

Mushrooms are the most virtuous of fungi...

they have the best morels.

Did you hear about the girl who went crazy from doing mushrooms all the time?

She became a little spore addict.

Took my final exam on magic mushrooms

I passed with flying colors

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You'd think sex on mushrooms would be fun.

But it's sooo much better on a bed.

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Did you hear about the mushroom hunter who was terrible at finding edible mushrooms, so would resort to stealing them from the baskets of other hunters?

He had no morel compass.

My uncle always hated eating mushrooms...

...but now that he's dead, they're beginning to grow on him.

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Mushrooms

A man walks into a bar and sits down.

The bartender asks "What'll it be?"

Man says "Whiskey... leave the bottle."

"You got it, everything alright?"

"I just became a widower for the 3rd time"

"Oh god, pal! I'm so sorry! You seem so young, can I ask what happened?"...

All mushrooms are edible

But some mushrooms are only edible once

What type of mushrooms are the worst to have as friends?

Shiitalkin!

What do you call a girl who sleeps around and keeps mushrooms all over her house?

A woman of loose morels

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