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Great Britain Jokes

What’s the largest export of Great Britain?

Independence days

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Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft.

The study took two years and cost over $1.2 million.
The study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with more pleasure during sex.
After the results were published, France decided to conduct their own study on the same subject.
...

How much free space does the EU have since Great Britain left?

1 GB

The Geography of a Woman:

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa. Half discovered, half wild, fertile, and naturally Beautiful!

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like the USA. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain. Very hot, r...

After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.

The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender g...

Why did Great Britain send male convicts to Australia?

To set up a penile colony!

What did France, Great Britain, and their allies say after The Great War?

World War Won

What do Great Britain and bad house-guests have in common?

They take forever to leave...

So, there I was, at this pub in Great Britain,....

I notice these two women, both cute but a bit chubby. I approached the girls and asked "Are you two ladies from Scotland"?, to which the heftier one replied "It's Wales you idiot"! Taken a bit aback by this, I replied "Oh, sorry. Are you two Whales from Scotland"?

The US should rejoin Great Britain

Its not like we mind Taxation without representation anymore.

Why dont you ever see penguins in Great Britain?

Because theyre scared of Wales

In recent years, 'Great Britain' has become more like

'Great, Britain'.

Great Britains new Prime Minister

Did you see that Boris Johnson might be the next Prime Minister of Great Britain? I remember when the U.S. had a BJ in the top office!

I hear the best deals on lipo-suction can be found in Great Britain...

...Pound for pound.

Why don’t Americans spell “color” like “colour?”

It was their way of telling Great Britain that they don’t need u.

What's the most common type of owl in Great Britain?

Teatowel.


Sorry if you've heard or seen this before on here; I've not and I'm unable to search because I'm using the mobile sitem

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So Putin decides to change Russia's Identity

He calls the Queen of Great Britain for advice.

Putin - "Queen Elizabeth, I'd like to have Russia be a Kingdom. I feel it would give it the gravitas it deserves"

The Queen - "But Vladimir, you need to have a king to be a Kingdom"

Putin - "Well what about a Principality then?" ...

With the Brexit vote being compared to the Presidential election, I have only one thing to say

Make America Great Britain again!

A supposedly true story

One day, in Great Britain, two Muslim schoolgirls were chatting away to each other in a foreign language on a public bus. The man sitting in front of them turned around and said, "This is England. Speak English." The woman in front of him turned around and said, "Actually, this is Wales and they're ...

Why Americans don’t need to feel bad when they are criticized by the British

Sometimes I hear people from Great Britain talk about how bad the education is in The US. I do get a little offended, but then I realize they are just salty because we beat them in The Civil War.

Why they hire idiots in Russian military intelligence?

Well, they used to hire smart people, but those would go to Great Britain, capitulate and stay there to live.

Ultimatum

Vladimir Putin gave Great Britain 24 hours to explain the death of Stephen Hawking.

International Contest

Great Britain and the USA are having a contest about who can mess up their country the most. Britain is leading, but the USA have a Trump card.

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A British , a German, a Japanese and a Chinese man were in an airplane.

The plane that was carrying an important U.N. mission was losing altitude, so the pilot said that three of them must jump out and without a parachute since they have dumped everything else.
The British man decided to go first.
He yelled " Long live Great Britain!" And then jumped off.
The ...

A big earthquake hits the Middle East...

A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hit the Middle East. Two million Muslims died and over a million were injured.
Iraq and Iran are totally ruined and the governments don’t know where to start with providing help to rebuild. The rest of the world is in shock. The USA ...

Father Patrick had one weakness as a priest

He *hated* the English. His favorite fire and brimstone line was "...and you'd go to Hell with the English!" He had been admonished by his Bishop more than once about this.

Well, the Bishop was visiting for Holy Week when Father Patrick again assigned the English to the nether regions, and he...

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Smithers' Story

In the greatest days of the British Empire, a new commanding officer was sent to a jungle outpost to relieve the retiring colonel.

After welcoming his replacement and showing the courtesies (gin and tonic, cucumber sandwiches) that protocol decrees, the retiring colonel said,

"You mu...

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60-year-old joke which still makes me laugh

Teacher wants to know why Tommy is late for school. "Please Miss, I've had no fucking breakfast," says Tommy.

Shocked at such language, she makes him go and stand in the corner until he has seen the error of his ways and continues her geography lesson. "Today we are going to talk about Scot...

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The Queens Riddle

Barack Obama met with the Queen of Great Britain.

He asked her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?"

"Well," said the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Obama frowned, and...

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