The 130+ Best Island Jokes

Trump and Biden are trapped on island. Who survives?

America

Two men and a woman are stranded on an island after a plane crash...

... Resourceful, they waste no time, build a house, find food and water, and globally have it good. After one month, the woman goes to the two men and says:

"Okay guys, let's be frank. I have my needs, you have your needs, let's do it. We'll take turns, one day it's you", she says to th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 men are captured on an island of cannibals

One of the menasks “what do you plan on doing to us”

The cannibal Chief says “we have a tradition, we’re gonna kill you, eat you, then use your skin for our canoes. But myself and the elders have decided to give you some grace; you can do yourselves in, and you can choose how”

Man #1 s...

A man gets shipwrecked on a desert island with only a dog and a pig…

…after many weeks without the touch of a woman - the pig begins to look very attractive. One night, the deprived man begins to chance his luck with the pig. Over dinner, he tweaks its tail, plays footsie with its trotters, and cuddles in close. The dog, witnessing all this, becomes very jealous, and...

The Island Joke.

There was an island with three kingdoms on it. Let's call them A, B and C. The island had a fresh water lake on it and the lake itself had an island. The three kingdoms always kept fighting over this island.

One day the three kingdoms decided to settle this dispute once it for all and sent sm...

A Jewish man is stranded on an island for 20 years

He is finally rescued by a team, and he insists on showing them the life he’s built for himself there. They come across a small clearing with a bunch of makeshift buildings.

He points to the closest one, “That’s my home.” He continues to point to the other buildings as they walk by.

“T...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A shipwreck, only Scarlett Johansson and some random dude survived on an deserted island...

They didnt know each other before the shipwreck, but he did know who she was...

At the beginning it was hard, but as time passed, this guy learnt how to provide food and shelter, he started taking care of her, and eventually she started caring about him... after all, there wasnt anybody else ...

Eric is stranded on an island...

Eric is stranded on an island. He starts hopelessly wandering around and hides behind the bushes when he comes upon a local tribe of cannibals and their cannibal king sitting on a golden throne.

"I'm screwed." Eric whispers to himself.

Then, out of nowhere, appears a wise old man. "No...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American, A Canadian and a Japanese were stranded in a deserted island

An American, A Canadian and a Japanese were stranded in a deserted island in middle of no where. They understood that until rescues arrived, they will need to work together in order to stay alive on the island. So they decided to divide up the tasks. The American points to the Canadian and says: "yo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know there are no canaries on the Canary Islands? Same as with the Virgin Islands...

No canaries there either.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They're going to have to change the name of the U.S Virgin Islands

They're about to get fucked

A English man, an Irish man and an American are stranded on an island, until they find a genie.

The genie explains to them that usually he'd give them 3 wishes, but because there's three people and they all found him equally, that everyone gets one wish.

First, the English man makes his wish.

"Well, I've been stranded on this island for 2 years now, so I wish to go back home to m...

A desert island with six women

A bloke found himself stranded on a desert island with six women. To keep it fair, it was decided he would service a different woman every night and have Mondays free. After a few months the man was exhausted, realising how tiring it was to perform constantly every night except one. Then one day, to...

A helicopter loses power over a remote Scottish island and makes an emergency landing.

Luckily, there's a cottage nearby, so the pilot knocks on the door. "Is there a mechanic in the area?" he asks the woman who answers.

She thinks for a minute. "No, but we do have a McArdle and a McKay."

Three men were stranded on a deserted island

when they discovered a magical golden fish swimming near the shore. The fish promised to grant each of them one wish.

The first man said, "I wish I were back home with my family." In an instant, he disappeared from the island and found himself surrounded by his loved ones.

...

I have this recurring nightmare where not only am I forced to become Vegan, I'm then stranded alone on a desert island....

... and there's nobody to tell.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day a man, who had been stranded on a desert island for over ten years sees an unusual speck on the horizon.

"It's certainly not a ship", he thinks to himself.

As the speck gets closer and closer he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft.

Suddenly, emerging from the surf, comes a drop dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.

She appr...

I was stranded on an island with nothing but dark red grass, dark red sand, dark red trees everything was darkred.

"AHHH!" i yelled "I've been marooned!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A married couple and a single man are stranded on an island

After a few weeks the single man is getting very horny. The married woman one day whispers to him, "I'd love to help you out but my husband wouldn't stand for it, and as you know, it's a tiny island with only one tree." The single man says, "It's ok. I'll think of something." Every day they take...

3 guys and one girl are stranded on a desert island.

After one week the girl is so ashamed of what she is doing that she kills herself.

After another week the guys are so ashamed of what they are doing that...they bury her.

Another week goes by and the guys are so ashamed of what they've been doing...so they dig her back up.

What's Mario's favorite Hawaiian island?

O'ahu!

Al, Ben, and Carl were stranded on a deserted island. One day Al found an old jar in the sand.

When the jar was opened, a genie came out and said to them, "You have freed me from my jar. For the rest of your time on this island, I am obligated to grant each of you one wish per year. But no wishing anyone, including yourself, off the island."

"In that case," said Al, "I wish for 365 boo...

A Dutch, English and Chinese man wash up on an island

A Dutch, English and Chinese man survive a boat accident and wash up on an island. They need food, water and supplies to survive the night.
The Dutch guys says that he will gather the food, the English man will get water and the Chinese man is send for supplies.

When the Dutch and the Eng...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three guys are stuck on an island...

and they come across a magic lamp. One of the guys rubs the lamp and a genie pops out and says; "since you freed me from this lamp Ill reward you all ... now jump off this cliff over here and shout the name of anything, and youll turn into it till you get home." so the first guy jumps off and shouts...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Singles on a deserted island

A luxury cruise ship offered a cruise for young singles only. But halfway through the voyage, the ship crashed. The Captain had been having a affair and didn't see the giant rock formation. The cruise ship went down in record time (as did the Captain). Most people on board were too drunk to act fast...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 men are ship-wrecked on an island

Where they are captured by cannibals. The cannibal leader says he'll let them live if they go out in the forest and grab 10 of the same fruit.

They all run off, when after a while the first person comes back with 10 apples. The cannibal leader then says, "You must shove them up your ass witho...

Centuries ago, on a remote island in the North Atlantic...

Vikings arrived and began a settlement with help from their Irish thralls. But they weren't alone. All manner of otherworldly beings lurked in the island's hidden corners. The Vikings called these beings *vættir*; the Gaels called them *Aes Sídhe*.

Among these beings were the selkies who frol...

No joke, Dubai spent billions on a bunch of man-made islands and they are now sinking.

I guess all the money in the world can't help erect-isle dysfunction

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is stranded on a desert island for 10 years…

One day he sees a beautiful woman in a swimsuit come ashore.

She says to him, "Tell me, how long has it been since you had a drink?"

He replies "Ten years" and with that she reveals a bottle of whiskey from within her swimsuit, which the man starts drinking from.

She then asks, ...

Here are two steps to take if you are ever stuck on a desserted island.

Step 1: Check spelling.

Step 2: If correct, enjoy.

Three people became shipwrecked on an island inhabited by cannibals.

They were swiftly captured and told they would be killed, cooked, eaten, and their skin would be used to line the tribe’s canoes, but they would be able to choose how they died.

The first man, a British man, decided he wanted to die by the sword. In an instant, a tribesman cut his head off. ...

Three women are trapped on a deserted island

Three women, a blonde, a brunette and a red head are trapped on a deserted island, but can see in the distance land with obvious signs of civilization.

On the first day the brunette decides to swim to the next shore, she makes it about 1/4 of the way before she realizes she can't make it and...

A plane crashed upon an uninhabited island.

Two survivors: a regular guy and Scarlett Johansson. Well, the two have built a hut while waiting for rescue, got enough to eat for now. A few weeks pass, they get lonely so they enter a relationship.

A couple more months pass, and Scarlett notices the guy become really brooding.

\- Wh...

A man was marooned on a desert island.

One day a beautiful woman arrives in a wet suit.
'When did you last have a smoke?' she asks. 'Five years ago.' So she gets out a cigar and he smokes it.
She unzips her wet suit a bit and says, 'When did you last have a drink?' He said, 'Five years ago.' So she gets out a bottle of Scotch a...

A man gets shipwrecked on a small island.

After a few days wandering, he comes across a tribe of natives who have just lost their chieftain.

The tribe's high priest tells the man that as he is the first outsider they have seen in twenty years, he must take three tests.

If he passes all three tests, the tribe will accept him as...

A man is stranded on an island

A plane flying nearby see's his smoke signal and goes to his aid. Upon landing the pilot see's three huts.

"Thank you for saving me! I've been here longer than I can remember. " The man says.

"Where are the other survivors?" The pilot asks.

"It's just me, myself and I" says th...

Stranded on an island

Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.

Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces,

“Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The World's Best Ethnic Joke.

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Turk, a German, an Indian, an American, an Argentinean, a Dane, am Australian, a Slovakian, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Columbian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Pole, a L...

A man lost at sea is found on an island 20 years later.

The sailors that find him are surprised to see three large buildings on the island. They ask the man why he built the buildings.

"This first building is my house" he says. "I was able to set up a crude aqueduct to create some form of indoor plumbing". The sailors are impressed and ask a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three chefs were stuck on a deserted island.

They were completely out of food and about to starve to death so they decide they need to start eating each other.

First one of them cuts off his own hand. He marinades it in sea salt and then cooks it over a hot fire. The results are exquisite.

"Wonderfully crispy, just like my mother...

Three guys in a plane crash on a deserted island...

One day, several years later, a bottle washes up on the beach. One of the guys opens it to reveal that it contains a genie! The two others rush over when they see what's going on.

The genie says "Normally, I give the person who finds my bottle three wishes, but since there are three of you,...

A ship sailing past a remote island spots a man who’s been stranded there for several years.

The captain goes ashore to rescue the man and notices three huts…

“What’s the first hut for?” he asks.

“That’s my house,” says the castaway.

“What’s the second hut for?”

“That’s my church.”

“And the third hut?”

“Oh, that?” sniffs the castaway. “That’s ...

A tanker ship carrying dark purple ink ran around on a deserted island, spilling its contents.

Sadly, the entire crew was marooned.

Three men were stranded on a desert island

They had been there for many years and had become good friends. One day a lamp washed up on shore and out popped a genie. The genie looked at them and decided to grant each of them one wish.

Without hesitation, the first man practically screamed; "I wish I was back home with my family!". Po...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy was stranded on a desert island with Heidi Klum...

Initially, he played it cool, not making any moves on her for several weeks.

Finally, he asked her if they could start a physical relationship, so as to attend to each other's needs.

Heidi was game and a very nice sexual relationship began.

After several months, the guy approac...

Scarlett Johansson is on a plane that crashes on a remote island.

She and some regular guy are the only two survivors. They make the best of their situation, scavenge what supplies they can from the plane, and try to keep going.

They build a little hut on the beach and - both of them having certain "needs" - eventually start hooking up.

This keep goi...

A man is stranded on a deserted island for years...

Once there was a guy stuck on a deserted island, feeling hopeless. Then, he found a lamp half-buried in the sand. So, he gave it a rub, and guess what? A genie popped out! The genie said, "I'll grant you three wishes, but here's the twist: your ex-wife gets double of whatever you wish for."
The...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 Men end up marooned on an island

On the island they find a tribe of cannibals. They say they will let the men live if they complete a task. What they must do is go out into the forest and collect 10 of a type of fruit. The first man comes back with 10 apples. They tell the man he must shove all 10 apples up his butt without making ...

A married couple has been stranded on a deserted island for many years.....

...One day another man washes up on shore. He and the wife become attracted to each other right away, but realize they must be creative if they are to engage in any hanky-panky. The husband, however, is very glad to see the second man there.

"Now we will be able to have three people doing ei...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you ever seen the porn version of “Gilligan’s Island?“

In the end, they all get off

Inflation in the USA is so high at this point that...…

\- I recieved a predeclined credit card in the mail.
\- CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
\- Exxon-Mobil fired 25 Congressmen.
\- McDonald's is selling the amazing 1/4 ouncer.
\- Angelina Jolie adopted a kid from the US.
\- Moms and Dad's in Beverly Hills let go of ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A writer moves to the Shetland Islands

Desiring peace and quiet to write his latest work, he revels in the solitude of the Shetlands. One day there comes a knock on his door, and when he answers, it's a Shetlander - a tall, lanky man, with wild hair, a long beard, and a frazzled sweater.

"I've come to invite you to a party, since...

My wife told me she wanted to drive to an island for our holiday.

I told her we'd cross that bridge when we get to it.

Soon after the General retired..., he decided he must do something different...

He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank...!

*He soon found himself on an island with no flagstaff, no batmen, no ADC, no club, no canteen, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.*

After about four months,...

A boy looks longingly to the distant islands

He wants to run away to the islands but the only problem is he’s got no money. He walks over to his wise old neighbor and asks him for advice on how to get to there.
The old man says, “well these woods here have magical pixies that have a special dust. If you get their dust you could just fly th...

The cast of Friends got shipwrecked on an deserted island...

Monica, Joey and Chandler were left behind because in real life David is a Schwimmer and Lisa Kudrow.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Island.

There were three guys shipwrecked on a island and they set out to find some food and water. They reached this giant cliff and they came across a magic lamp and all three of them grabbed on to it and the genie was set loose.

“I can safely assume all three of you want off my island, so run to ...

If Donald Trump and Mike Pence were on a stranded island, who would survive?

The United States of America

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Desert Island Dicks

A man who has been shipwrecked on a desert island for several years is beginning to feel the effects of being starved of sex for so long. However, the only living creatures on the island are a pig and a dog. One day, the man decides he’s had enough and thinks to himself that it has to be the pig. Bu...

Three friends are stranded on a small island

After a few weeks with no hope of rescue, they come across a lamp in the sand. They pick it up, and poof! out comes a genie.

"Thank you for releasing me from my thousand years of imprisonment. I will now grant each of you a wish," says the genie.

The first guy says, "Well, I have a wif...

John, Jerry and Mike on an island

John, Jerry and Mike have been stranded for months on a beautiful island. One day a bottle with a note in it spills out.

They open it and it reads: "I am a wish granting bottle. Each of you gets one wish."

John immediately said: "I wish I was on my farm right now." Poof, and John is ...

Why shouldn’t boats hit certain islands?

It takes atoll on them.

A pilot crash lands on an uncharted island

He awakens bound by natives, and is dragged to a clearing in front of the tribe. Next to him is a large tree-stump and an absolutely massive native.

The natives are are cheering and hooting wildly, until the chieftain holds up his hand, bringing instant silence and rapt attention.

He b...

Cruise ship drive by

I was on a cruise recently.

One morning, the ship was passing very close to a small island. As I was admiring the serenity of this far off place, a ruckus occurred.

On the island, a man came running out from the thickness of the brush. His hair was down to his waist and his beard...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cruise ship spies a seemingly deserted island in the distance...

(Warning: This is a joke that might only be understood by Jews. That said, it's a classic, and one that most Jews find to be extremely funny and spot on. If you're not Jewish, read on if you would like to glean some insight into Jewish humor and culture.)

 

So a cruise sh...

Three men are on a desrted island and get captured by cannibals

The chief of the cannibals walks up to the first man and says,
"We will grind your bones and use them for forks! Do you have any last requests?"

The man says, "I would like the most delicious meal you can offer me."

The chief grants the man his request and grinds his bones into fork...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sole man on an isolated island

There is an isolated island, with a sole man there.
The man doesn't know about the existence of the rest of the world, he haven't met any other people and is disconnected from the rest of humanity.

A big news company hears about it, and decides to send a news reporter to make an item about...

No man is an island

except when he's having a bath

A couple are on holiday on a pacific island...

When they arrive they hear a constant drum beat; the ask the taxi driver and he says "Drums must never stop!"

They get to the hotel and the drumming is still going, so they ask the cleaner and she says "Drums must never stop!"

The drums continue all night and the couple can't sleep. Ex...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] A man, a dog, and a pig wash up on a deserted island.

They're there for several years, until one day the man gets desperate, takes off his trousers, and tries to mount the pig. The dog, however, starts growling at him and baring its teeth, so he stops. A few weeks later he tries again, but this time the dog bites him on the arm until he stops.

L...

Two lawyers stranded on an island.

Two lawyers had been stranded on a deserted island for several months.

The only other thing on the island was a tall coconut tree, which provided their food.

Each day, one of the lawyers climbed to the top of the tree to see if he could see a rescue boat coming.

One day, the la...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man, his wife and a good-looking stranger are stranded on a desert island.

The wife quickly loses interest in her husband and begins flirting with the good-looking stranger.

The three start to build a watchtower. The stranger offers to take first watch.

While the husband and wife gather driftwood on the sand, the stranger yells, "Hey! No sex on the beach! G...

On a tiny island between Italy and Greece,

Maria and Nico were young, in love, and engaged to be married. On the night before they were to be wed, Maria’s mother sat her down to have “The Talk”. Knowing Nico’s Greek heritage, she counseled her daughter:

“Maria, mia bella figlia, if Nico ever asks you to turn over, you must say NO! Nic...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What were the British Virgin Islands named for?

Having the rare privilege to not have Prince Andrew visit. Yet...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men are stranded on an island full of cannibals.

They are each told to go into the forest and bring back ten of any fruit.

The first man returns carrying kiwis and is told that if he can fit all of them into his ass without making a sound, he will be allowed to live. He manages to get four in, but on the fifth, he gasps and is taken off to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A ship wrecks onto a deserted island.

The only survivors are two guys and a girl. Since they don't have anything to do all day besides eating and sleeping, they just have sex.

Eventually, the girl gets sick and dies. The two men don't know what to do with themselves anymore, so they keep having sex.

After a few days of it,...

If you were stranded on an island and could bring three items what would you bring?

Michael Phelps, a saddle, and stick with a gold medal on the end.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men are marooned on an island...

Three men are marooned on an island desperately seeking a way to get off.
A cannibal approaches them and flops his penis out. 'If the length of your three penises together is as big as mine, then I'll show you how to get off the island. Otherwise you'll be killed and eaten.' The native's nob was...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 men in a shipwreck drift upon an island

Upon searching the island, they find it's inhabited by cannibals. The king of the cannibals says, "go out and bring us 10 pieces of fruit or we will eat you". So each of the men goes looking for 10 pieces of fruit. The first one comes back with 10 apples. The king of the cannibals says "now shove th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy walks into a bar Sits at the bar and orders a drink. He pays with a $100 bill and refuses the change. Just when he's about to take a drink, this little guy - not even a foot tall - runs across the bar and knocks the drink out of his hand. The little guy jumps off the bar and disappears.

The bartender, really confused, pours him another drink. The guy pays him $100 and refuses the change again. Just as he's about to sip his drink, the little guy appears, knocks the drink to the floor and runs off again.

Now the bartender pours him another drink and asks him about the little g...

A German a French and an English man crash with their plane on an island.

Immediately they start to explore the island and encounter a native tribe.

The chieftain of the tribe commands everyone of those 3 to get into the jungle and gather 2 different kinds of fruits, otherwise he has to banish them from the island.

First the English man arrives back at the c...

What happens when you claim an island by peeing on it?

Urination

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two guys and a girl become shipwrecked on a deserted island...

...but fortunately there is plenty of food and fresh water. Over the next few months, they build a little community: all three craft little huts out of sticks and leaves, and they fairly split up all the tasks and chores essential to their survival. They even build a little church where they go to p...

An American, a Frenchman and a Russian are shipwrecked on a deserted island

An American, a Frenchman and a Russian are shipwrecked on a deserted island. Over time, they become friends and do everything together. One day, they find a closed bottle in their fishing nets. They open it and a djinn appears and says:

"Thank you, guys. I usually grant only three wishes, bu...

A cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man running around and waving his arms wildly.

“Captain,” one passenger asks, “who is that man over there?”

“I have no idea,” the captain says, “but he goes nuts every year when we pass him.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bill Gates was invited to Jeffrey Epstein’s private island.

After arrival Bill Gates was shown to a room with a rather young looking masseuse. The girl instructed Bill Gates to disrobe for a massage and one thing lead to another and they ended up having sex. Afterwards the masseuse said “I always wondered why you called your company Microsoft but now I know”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 men get stranded on a desert island

After wandering around a while, they are found by some tribesmen. The natives take them back to their hut. The chief tells them, "Go out into the jungle and collect 10 pieces of fruit."

The first guy returns with 10 apples, and the chief says "Now shove them all up your ass without showing an...

Two men were washed ashore during WWI.

Their ship, an aging minesweeping model, had wrecked off the coast of an uninhabited island. As the older veteran worked to build a makeshift camp, the younger soldier managed to salvage a radio, and quickly telegraphed an SOS with their coordinates.

To their surprise, a ship responded withi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So this guy is stranded on an island with a goat and a dog.

Days pass.. then weeks... then months... and years pass with no human contact. He starts to crave the urge to have sex.

So he looks around and sees the goat. Comes up with the idea to have sex with it. He positions her right and is ready for some action. But just as he is about to pull his pa...

There was once an island kingdom whose people were all fabulously wealthy.

Even though they could have afforded to live anywhere they wanted, tradition dictated they stay on their tiny island home.

Eventually, their king became frustrated and called a meeting of the tribe's elders. He said he wanted them to figure out a way he could enjoy his wealth, and stay within...

A man was stranded on deserted island..

..for 10 years. One day a beautiful girl swims to shore in a wet suit.

Man: "Hi! Am I ever happy to see you!”

Girl: "Hi! It seems like you've been here along time. How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"

Man: "It's been ten years!" With this information the girl u...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the Island need a Therapist?

Because it was in a tropical depression.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After a plane crash, only one woman and two men survived and are lost on a virgin island...

...so they start organizing their new lives, because they have no hope of ever seeing help. While one of them is in charge of hunting and picking fruits, the others build a house, etc.

One day however, the woman decides to convoke both men and expose her frustration:

"It's been so long...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman grants her mother's unusual dying wish.

She specifically requested pictures of her right foot be sent to an address in Rhode Island.

A couple of days later, she realizes that reversed pictures of her mother's *left* foot were sent instead. Unsure of the importance, but determined to fulfill her wishes, the woman travels to Rhode Is...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pirate walked into a bar.

He had a wooden leg, an eye patch and a hook for a hand. The bartender was curious. "How did you get that wooden leg?" he asked.

The pirate took a swig of ale. "'Twas a terrible sea battle. I stood bravely, directly facing 12 cannons.All they managed to hit was my leg."

The bartender s...

Three guys are stranded on an island...

There's a white, black, and chinese guy that are stranded on an island together. Trying to figure out how to survive, they decide to divide up responsibilities. The white guy's job is to look for food and water. The black guy's job is to build shelter. And the chinese guy's job is to look for suppli...

Greg Abbott, Ted Cruz, and Rick Perry are stuck on a deserted island, who survives?

Texas

Man on a deserted island (Long)

A man has been stranded on an island for 10 years, when one day, a beautiful woman emerges out of the sea in a wetsuit. "How long has it been since you've had a beer?" she asks. "10 years" says the man. She unzips one of her pockets to reveal a bottle of beer. He drinks it and says "Man, that's good...

A little joke from my family's dinner table.

My family was talking a few weeks ago, and somehow I brought up the fact that every state in New England has a town or city in it called "Warren". I said that there's a Warren, Vermont, a Warren, Maine, a Warren, Rhode Island.

And my brother chimed in "There's also a Warren Ukraine!"

...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is ship wrecked on an island with a dog and a goat...

Several months go by and he’s horny as ever and decides he needs some action from someone or something. So the goats not looking half bad. But whenever he tries to make a move on the goat, the dog gets jealous and snaps and growls at him until he backs off.

So some time goes by and eventually...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This guy is stuck on a desert island

After being there for a while, he begins to get lonely and starts to think about his girlfriend back home. The only other animal on this island is a goat. A very sexy goat, mind you. Anyway, as time passes he begins to think more and more about fucking this goat. Eventually, one day he decides, ...

A couple is stranded on an island.

One of them is losing hope, while the other remains optimistic.

"Honey, we've been though a lot. We were an ocean apart, yet we managed a long-distance relationship. We can do this. All you need to do is meet me half way."

"But that's exactly how we got into this mess!"

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island.

It turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

Four men were stranded on a small island after surviving a shipwreck

20 year old, 30, 40 and a 60 year old.

After a short while they noticed another island nearby with many beautiful, naked women walking about.

The 20 year old said: "let's swim over there", swiftly jumped in the water and off he swam fast towards the other island.

The 30 year ol...

‪If I were to be stranded on an island with anyone I would prefer to be stranded with a vegan...

Mostly because it's healthier to eat grass-fed meat. ‬

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was stranded alone on a desert island for 10 years

A beautiful woman in a skin-tight wetsuit washes up on shore and walks up to him. She asks, "How long has it been since you had a drink?"

"About ten years," the man says. The woman unzips her wetsuit a little at the neck, pulls out a flask, hands it to the man and he drinks deeply.

"H...

Starving Men On An Island

There are two starving men stranded on an island with only a rusty old knife. The first man says, “Well, I think our only choice is to eat each other's legs. We're not walking around, anyway. And we need food”. The other man agrees. So the first man begins sawing and crudely cutting the other man's ...

stranded on a desert island

If I was stranded on a desert island I would take along a deck of cards. Because everyone knows after about 20 minutes of playing solitaire someone will come up behind you and tell you you're doing something wrong.

Even on Gilligan's Island...

They listened to the Professor and not the millionaire.

On a tour of some really remote islands...

A cruise ship passed by an archipelago. A sharp-eyed passenger spotted a ragged figure by a campfire who jumped up and started waving his arms wildly.

"Captain!" said the passenger, "I see someone over there....who is that?"

"I'm not sure," replied the captain, "but he goes nuts every ...

A young man was shipwrecked on a remote island.

Although he had plenty of food and water, there was nothing for him to do except play with himself. After many years, even that became so monotonous that he couldn't even get an erection . Now, completely without any happiness, he started to lose his sanity. One morning, as he is lying on the beach,...

There was a south pacific island village...

Far away in the south pacific, there once was an island village with the custom of electing a new chief every year. By tradition, the laborers of the village would work for months every year to create a giant, ornate bamboo throne for each new chief.

The thrones from previous chiefs began to...

A beautiful young New York woman was so depressed....

....that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean.

But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young sailor stopped her.

"You have so much to live for," said the sailor. "Look, I’m off to Europe tomorrow and I can stow you away on my ship. I...

Stranded on Deserted Island for 10 years

One day a man who had been stranded on a deserted island for over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon.

He thought to himself, “It’s certainly not a ship.” And, as the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out the possibilities of a small boat and even a raft.

Suddenly there e...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy is shipwrecked on a desert island.

Not much to do, just some trees with coconuts, some sand... and a sheep.

After a few weeks, the guy starts feeling a little hard up, so he tries to catch the sheep and have his way with it. Alas, he cannot catch the sheep. Every day it gets worse- he is increasingly more horny, but the shee...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was on a ship that sunk, and after floating for days he washed up on a deserted island....

He was stranded for many years on this island, but fortunately food was easy to come by. Fruits and vegetables grew abundantly all over the island, and the fish were so easy to catch it was almost like they *wanted* to be caught. Unfortunately, this meant that he had hours and hours of free time th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company.

There's plenty of food and water, and the weather is beautiful, so he's doing alright - but after a few months he gets lonely...

The pig starts to look more and more attractive - soft, pink flesh, round buttocks, etc. But every time this poor guy makes an advance towards the pig, the Doberma...

Is this a very old joke?

A Greek lands on a beautiful uninhabited island and writes a poem about it.

A Roman finds another beautiful island devoid of people and he builds a statue to himself there.

A Celt finds yet a third island with no people and starts a fight.

**I just thought of a variant:**
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men are shipwrecked on an island... (long)

They decide to explore the island to look for food as they are quite hungry. After a while of searching they find a cabin hidden in the middle of the woods and there's smoke coming from the chimney.

The first man tells the second he'll go knock and check it out and that the other should stay ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men and a woman are shipwrecked on an island...

Eventually the men start to feel the calling of being a man and respectably ask the woman if they would be able to unleash their urges. The woman agrees and they proceed to do the job. This goes on for a couple of months and the woman takes turns with each of them whenever they feel their call. Even...

An island man tells his doctor.

An island man tells his doctor ,"I don't know whats wrong I live on this beautiful island, yet I'm sad and lonely still!" The doctor replies,
"Well it seems you might have a bad case of Tropical depression"

What do you call an island populated entirely by cakes?

Desserted!

Did you hear that Elon Musk is planning to buy the entire island of Madagascar?

He’s planning to rename it Madaelectriccar.

I just watched the news on Evia Island.

Now I have finally realized how dangerous a Greece fire is.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two explorers in the 1950s crash land on a remote island

They are soon captured by the local tribe. They are told that if they do not complete 2 tasks they will be killed and eaten. However if they succeed they can live like kings with their own harem.

First they must go into the jungle and find 10 edible things and bring them back.
They go, an...

A guy, a pig, and a dog are the only survivors of a terrible shipwreck, and they find themselves stranded on a desert island.

After being there for awhile, they get into a ritual of going to the beach every night to watch the sun go down.

One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle -- in short, a perfect night for romance! Well, that pig started looking bette...

When is an island not an island?

When it is nothing atoll.

Island Joke

A white guy, a Mexican guy and a Chinese guy are stranded on an island. The white guy says, "okay, we need to get to work if we're going to survive. I'll hunt for food. Mexican guy, you go build us shelter. Chinese guy, you go get us some supplies. We'll meet back here at sunset."

The white ...

A shipwrecked mariner has spent several years on a deserted island, completely alone.

Then one morning he was thrilled to see a ship offshore and a smaller vessel pulling out towards him.

When the boat grounded on the beach, the officer in charge handed the marooned sailor a bundle of newspapers and told him: “The captain said to read through these and let us know if you still...

Another deserted island joke...

A chemist, a physicist, and an economist are shipwrecked on a deserted island, with only a book of waterproof matches, a set of flares, and a case of canned soup.

“All we have to eat is this soup,” said the chemist as he set of the first flare. “Let’s set the cans here, near the water, so th...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.