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An Englishman is hiking in Scotland and he pauses to drink from a stream. A passing shepherd calls out "Dinnae drink frae that, it's all fulla coo piss an shite!"

The Englishman says to him in a cut-glass accent "I'm terribly sorry, my good fellow, would you very much mind repeating that in the Queen's English?"

And the shepherd says "I'm terribly sorry sir, I was only asking if you would like to borrow this tin cup and get a proper drink?"

Growing up in Scotland, my family had one rule

Never run with bagpipes! You could put an eye out, or worse, you could get kilt!

Last night a thief broke into Scotland Yard and stole all the toilets,

Police say they have nothing to go on.

How do people from England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland ask how eachother are doing?

U K?

I got kicked out of a graveyard the last time I went to Scotland.

They didn't appreciate me writing "Graveheart" on William Wallace's tombstone.

Interpol developed a test to figure out the best Law enforcement team in the world. Today's test involved the Scotland Yard, the FBI and Rio's Military Police.

The test consisted of releasing a bunny in the woods and giving it a 1 hour head start. The police department that found the bunny in the least amount of time would go on to the next phase.

First one to go was Scotland Yard. Using their best detectives, deductive skills and evidence analysis,...

Paratroopers from England, Scotland, France and the US were on a plane...

During World War II, four paratroopers each from England, Scotland, France and the US, were on a plane about to jump when they realized there was only one serviceable parachute.

The French paratrooper downed a glass of cognac, said "Pour la France!" and jumped without the parachute.

Th...

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Bono is between songs at a concert in Scotland and goes into his humanitarian pitch...and says, "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies of disease or starvation"...

He puts the mic down on the stage and claps once...then stands completely straight up and still. A hush falls over the crowd. You can hear a pin drop.

Five seconds later...he claps again...then stands still. Five seconds later...he claps again and stands solemnly erect. This continues f...

A Canadian visits a small church while on holiday in Scotland.

The Canadian is intrigued by the intricately carved pulpit and, being something of a history buff, would like to know more about it so approaches the little old vicar.

"Excuse me sir, would you be so kind as to tell me what the pulpit is made of?"

"Aye. Wood."

"You would?"
...

Why is it better to get a beer in Ireland than in Scotland?

Because in Ireland they Dublin size!

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A Stockbroker moves to Scotland

A Wall Street Stockbroker decided one day he’d had enough of stress and moved to rural Scotland. His cottage was miles away from the next one and he found the tranquility relaxing.

After a few days he answered a knock at the door, before him stood a Scotsman in a kilt; 6’9 tall, ginger hair ...

Do you know why they wear pants in England but kilts in Scotland?

It's because a sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.... But goats don't hear so good.

"Can I use your WiFi?"

An American guy visits a friend in Scotland.

When he arrives at his friend's house, he asks "Can I use your WiFi?".

The friend looks a bit perplexed, but then he smiles and says "Sure ye can, she's up th' stairs."

John decided to go golfing in Scotland with his buddy, Keith, so they loaded up John's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard, so they pulled into a nearby farm...

...and asked the attractive lady who answered the door, if they could spend the night.

"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed." she explained. "And I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."

...

The other day I downloaded the maps of Wales, England, Scotland and Northern Ireland for an assignment...

was shocked to see that the total file size was 1GB.

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U2 are holding a concert in Scotland.

Halfway through the show, as the other band members take a break, Bono takes to the stage and begins clapping his hands. A steady, rythmic clap. He leans into the microphone and addresses the crowd:

"Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies".

From somewhere in the crowd, a v...

I heard Scotland wants another independence referendum.

I guess we’ll get away with leaving the EU scot-free after all.

Not sure if this will work outside of Scotland...

Two cows in a field, which one is on holiday?


- the one with the wee calf

A woman on vacation in Scotland

...is at a pub when a man walks in in a kilt.

She's on vacation, and she's been drinking so she's brave enough to ask the question that's been on her mind.

"Excuse me sir, but what do you guys wear underneath your kilts?"

"Ayy lass, go'on an 'ave a look for yourself".

S...

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Scotland recently became the first country to offer free sanitary products to all women.

Makes sense since all their politicians are just self-serving cunts.

The other night I overheard three very hefty women talking

Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I approached them and asked: "Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland?"

One of them angrily screeched: "It's Wales, Wales you bloody idiot!"

So I apologized and replied: "I am so sorry. Are you three whales from Scotland?"

And that's...

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Two Scotsmen go to Hell

[I know this joke has been shared a few times before but I thought I would share my Scottish cultural adaptation of it]

A demon approaches the devil and says "Dark lord! Two men from Glasgow in Scotland have been sent here. What should be done with them?"

The devil says "Glaswegians? T...

My father used to chase skirts all over the world...

But when he got to Scotland, oh boy was he surprised.

A reporter goes to see an inventor who claims to have invented a machine that can answer any question

The reporter is asked to speak his question into the microphone and the machine will answer it with 100% accuracy.

Sceptical but curious the reporter starts easy, "Where is my mother?"

The machine bleeps and buzzes and then announces "Your mother is at her book club, they have just rev...

Two trees in Scotland

Tree 1: I think it's going to rain.

Tree 2: How can you tell?

Tree 1: I feel it in me Roots!

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As a vampire I cannot bear direct sunlight, which is why I moved to Scotland

But now I can't find any virgins!

-- Frankie Boyle

A Scotsman was giving a walking tour to a Greek guy through the hills of Scotland. They came across a sheep that had its head stuck in a hole in a fence.

‘Let me show you what we do in a situation like this’ says the Scotsman with a grin as he unzips his trousers and has his way with the sheep. After he finished he turns to the Greek and says
‘Ok, now it’s your turn’
‘I can’t!’ Protests the Greek, ‘My head won’t fit in that hole.’

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I was sitting at the bar by myself on a business trip over in Scotland...

...and there was an older gentleman all by himself at the end of the bar. I didn’t know anyone there, the bartender wasn’t too friendly so I stood up, walked over to the man to start up a conversation. I asked the bartender for a couple of pints and sat down next to the man.

“Hi there” I sai...

The idea of using sheep intestines as condoms was originated in Scotland.

The British further refined the idea by removing it from the sheep

The E.U has said that Scotland could end up as a Third World country after Brexit.

I don't know if things will improve to that extent, but you never know......

A Welshman, a Scotsman, and an Englishman find a magic lamp

A Welshman, a Scotsman, and an Englishman are walking on a beach and find a magic lamp. They rub it and a genie comes out. He tells them that they each get a single wish.

The Scotsman goes first. “I wish for Scotland to make the finest whisky forever.” The genie granted the wish, and...not mu...

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England, Scotland and Ireland all walk into a bar and order a Pint.

After a minute or so the barkeep brings them their drinks. They all look down and find a fly in their drinks.

England turns its nose up at the drink and pushes it away, Scotland shrugs its shoulders and flicks the fly out, But Ireland grabs the fly by the wings and while shaking it shouts "S...

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With Japan beating Scotland in the rugby World Cup they just need to beat England

They already have a good record against whales

A Canadian walks into a bar

A Canadian walks into a bar and sees two large ladies. He asks, "are you two ladies from Scotland?"
The ladies, furious, reply, "Wales! Wales!"
The man turns back, "I apologise. Are you two whales from Scotland?"

A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve

He says,“I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.” 'Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams. “We can't stand the sight of each other any longer” the father says. “We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talk...

Three heftier women enter a bar and order their drinks. The bartender says, "Y'all have some interesting accents. You broads from Scotland?"

They glare at him and one says, "Wales."

He says, "Ok... You whales from Scotland?"

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The BBC does a special on the oldest man in Scotland

They arrived for the special and decided to start it off with an interview where they asked him: “What was the best day of your life, Mr MacDonald?”
“I was just a wee lad and it was the day village fair, when me ma realised that our sheep had gone missing on the mountains. The whole village sear...

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Once upon a time, in Scotland...

A man is using his hand to scoop some water from a Scottish Highland brook. He is about to drink when he is interrupted by a local shouting a warning: “Dinnae drink thon water, mun, it’s foo o’ coo’s shite ’n’ pish.”

The man peers over at the local and calls back, “My good fellow, I’m English...

The Queen hosts a garden party in Scotland.

The Scottish waiter arrives carrying a tray with many cakes on it. Queen asks, “Is that a scone, or a meringue?”

The waiter replies: “Naw, yer quite right, that’s a scone.”

What is the difference between Will Smith and Scotland ?

Independence Day

The Scotland football team went to visit an orphanage in Kazakhstan this morning. "It's good to put a smile on the faces of people with no hope, constantly struggling and facing the impossible"

said Anatoly, aged 6.

Scotland is a place filled with angry people.

Even their flag is cross.

A guy walk up to a bar with two women and says "you ladies from Scotland? They give him a dirty look and say "Wales"

"Oh I'm sorry, are you two whales from Scotland?"

An Englishman, an Irishman, a Scotsman and a Welshman were riding in a hot-air balloon.

The balloon was about to crash into a mountain, so the pilot says to them, "We need to lose more weight to get clear. One of you has to jump" So the Scotsman says "I do this for the glory of Scotland!" and he jumps out of the basket.

But the balloon wasn't high enough yet. "We need to lose m...

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I asked my friend from Scotland how many sexual partners he had...

He started counting and fell asleep.

Noah is on mission from God to gather a pair of each animal

So he journeys far and wide to all the corners in the world to gather them up.

Once he came to Scotland, he told the natives: " Hear me! God is wrathful with mankind! Do gather up a breeding pair of each kind of animal and bring them to me. Once my task is complete, it shall rain for forty da...

A man walks into a bar

And sees 2 women sitting at a table so he asks "are you 2 women from Scotland?" They then say in response "no! Wales of course" he thinks a bit and says finally " sorry are you 2 whales from Scotland?"

I, Mewlingquimlover was in Scotland, in a bar, talking to a young man.

I said, "Lad, look out there to the field. Do ya see that fence? Look how well it's built. I built that fence stone by stone with me own two hands. I piled it for months."
"But do they call me Mewlingquimlover-the-Fence-Builder? Nooo..."

Then I gestured at the bar. "Look here at the bar. D...

Why is cliff front property so expensive in Scotland?

The sheep back up harder.

One foggy morning on the border of England and Scotland...

...a Scottish voice came out from within the dense fog.

"Any one Scotsman can beat any 10 Englishmen."

The English general stationed at the border took offense and sent down 10 of his soldiers. There were sounds of a hell of a fight and NO ONE returned. An hour later, the same voice ...

How Scotland was created...

At the beginning of time God was discussing the creation of the world with the angel Gabriel. Leaning back in his golden throne, he told him of his plans for Scotland.

"Gabriel," said god "I am going to give Scotland towering mountains and magnificent glens resplendent with purple Heather. Re...

Scottish Humor

It’s called a “Kilt” because I kilt the last man who called it a skirt.

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.

A lot of people wonder what a true Scotsman wears under his kilt, but don't ask him: he'll not tell ya, he'll show ya.

In Scotla...

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While Visiting Scotland I stop at a bar

While I was in Scotland I stop at the local pub and belly up next to an old drunk Scot nursing his drink.



After a few drink he says to me, "Ach, laddie, you see this bar? This bar right here?! I built this bar with mine own two hands and mine own aching back! But do they call me MacGr...

Light aircraft crashes in Scotland!

Two kilt

Donald Trump is visiting Scotland...

...and he is looking around a hospital. When he goes into one ward, a patient sits up and exclaims "Wee, sleekit, cowerin', timorous beastie! O what a panic's in thy breastie!"

Not knowing quite what to make of this, the Pres goes on to the next bed where the patient cries out "Fair fa' you...

Did you hear about the broken helicopter that Mickey Mouse bought from Scotland?

Disneyland

[Long] The FBI, Scotland Yard, and the KGB are competing to find out who is a better investigative agency.

They release a rabbit in the woods, and whoever finds it quickest is declared the best investigative agency.
The FBI agent goes in first and investigates. He follows trails, asks questions to the other animals, and sets up Wanted posters throughout the forest. He continues this for a week until ...

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Went to work on a farm in Scotland. One my first night there, I was trying to fit in with the rest of the help.

They told me that one their break, they all take turns fucking the sheep. I didn't want to fuck any sheep, but I really wanted to fit in. First break, I swallow my pride, find a sheep, pull down my pants, and start at it. I turn around and see all the Scotsman at the farm laughing at me. Trying ...

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A man walked into a bar in Scotland, sat down and ordered a drink.

Next to him was a leathery old Scotsman, well into the bottle in front of him.

The man asked the Scotsman if there was something the matter.

The Scot replied; "Aye lad, indeed there is. You see this bar here? I made this bar with me own two hands, slowly crafting it in the time-honored...

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A Roman army was making it's way through Scotland... [long]

Their march was interrupted by a frenzied shouting in the distance. The general ordered his men to stop and directed his attention towards the source of the noise. A single highland warrior was standing alone at the top of a small hill, yelling at the oncoming army.

"Come ahead ya big Jessies...

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A tourist is backpacking through the highlands of Scotland, and he stops at a pub to get a drink...

the only people in there are a bartender and an old man nursing a beer. And he orders a pint, and they sit in silence for a while. And suddenly the old man turns to him and goes, "You see this bar? I built this bar with my bare hands from the finest wood in the county. Gave it more love and care tha...

An Englishman, an Irishman, a Scotsman and a Welshman all get caught by the Iraqis. Sounds painful, but the head captor tells them "You are all to be shot- but it is tradition and a mark of honour to grant the first four prisoners of war whatsoever they wish before they are executed."...

...The Welshman says "Well then. It'd be bladdy magic to hear an 'undred members of the Welsh male voice choir all singing 'Land of my Fathers'. Smashin'. Yaki Da!."

The Scotsman says "Wehw, Ah wanna hund'ed bag-pipers aw playin' 'Flower of Scotland'."

Then the Irishman says "Oi tink O...

Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.

Every day I'm thankful that I live in Scotland.

Proud of actually making my own joke for once (even if only makes me and my husband laugh...)

What's the difference between Prince Harry and Scotland?

Prince Harry was given permission to leave the UK ;)

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An American Man Moves to Scotland

Fed up with his life in the states he packs up everything he owns and moves to a tiny cottage in the far north highlands of Scotland. He lives there quietly content for over a month before meeting anyone.

One day the American hears a knock on his door and opens it to find his neighbor a big, ...

Scotland is like Iraq

A little but Sunni, but an awful lot Shiite.

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Bono asked for silence at a gig in Scotland...

In the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands. Once every few seconds. Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."

From the front of the crowd, a broad Scottish accent pierced the silence: "Well fuckin' stop do...

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A college kid was hitchhiking through the hills of Scotland

A college kid was hitchhiking through the hills of Scotland, when, as is the custom in such areas, an unexpected rainstorm came up. Seeking shelter, he found an old stone pub with a light on, and stumbled in through the front door. The pub was painfully small, with just a handful of stools, a bark...

A Texan in Scotland

A Texan is touring Europe and he ends up in a Scottish pub sitting across from an older Scotsman. As Texans tend to do, he starts bragging about how big everything is in Texas.

“Down on my ranch outside Dallas, I can walk out my front door at sunrise, get in my big ol’ Cadillac, start ‘er on...

A joke told to me by a tour guide while in Scotland

One night, a Scottish distillery caught fire and burnt all night. One million bottles of Scotch Whiskey were destroyed and gave the fire a bright blue flame.

The next morning a local news station began interviewing the locals in a nearby village about the fire. Everyone they asked agreed tha...

boris johnson,scotsman,welshman,irishman updated

the 4 above are on a plane,malfunction and the plane starts to go down

theres only 1 parachute

scotsman (sacrificing himself)bravely shouts "For Scotland!"and jumps out

welshman (also sacrificing himself)shouts "For Wales!"and jumps out!

irishman shouts "For Ireland" and ...

A philosopher, a biologist, a mathematician and a YouTube celebrity spot a cow in a field whilst on their first trip to Scotland.

Upon discerning the brown colour of the cow’, the philosopher exclaimed ‘Aha! My fellows, you see what knowledge we have garnered? I can hereby assert: cows in Scotland are brown!’

The biologist replied acerbically, ‘Not so fast, my dear friend. It is safe only to assert thus: there are cows ...

A doctor from the U.S. is visiting a hospital in Scotland

A prominent physician is visiting a hospital in Scotland. He's being shown around by the medical director. They take him to the OR, very modern. Then they go to the ICU, where he talks to the nurses. They go to another ward, where there's a long line of beds, each with a patient in it. He asks ...

My favourite Scottish joke [x-post r/Scotland]

An Englishman is out walking in the Highlands and gets thirsty, so he stops at a river to get some water. He's about to bring the water up to his mouth with his hand when he gets interrupted by a shepherd nearby.

"Dinnae drink oot the river, it's foo o' sheep pish!"

The Englishman look...

Did you hear Scotland is forming a new branch of their military?

They are calling it The Scotchgard. Its motto is "To protect the very fabric of our nation."

(OC) Why did the man from Scotland get sentenced to life in prison?

He kilt someone.

Did you hear they sentenced that murderer in Scotland?

He was found the kilty party

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are riding a train in Scotland.

Looking out the window, the engineer sees something that catches her eye. Look, she says, it's a black sheep! It seems the sheep in Scotland are black.

The physicist shakes his head. Nonsense, he says. All we know is that there are some black sheep in Scotland.
The mathematician looks at h...

An astronomer, a physicist, and a mathematician in Scotland

An astronomer, a physicist, and a mathematician are on a train headed for Scotland. As they cross the border, they see a black sheep. The astronomer cries out, “All sheep in Scotland are black.”. The physicist says,”Some sheep in Scotland are black”. The mathematician raises his eyes heavenward and ...

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I was in Scotland when...

I was in Scotland, when I walk into a pub with only one man in it. I pull up a chair as he slides me a beer and I ask him why he's all alone. He answers,
"You see that barn out the window? I built that barn all by myself with me bare hands! But do they call me McGregor: The Barn Builder? FUCK NO!...

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When/If Scotland becomes independent, what will the national currency be called?

Doesn't matter, you won't be able to pry it out of the cheap bastards' hands anyway.

I hear Scotland is trying to leave the UK again...

Well if at first you don't secede, try try again.

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Mavis and Marjorie go for their first ever holiday in Scotland

While walking down a country lane they come across a Scotsman asleep under a tree and wearing full traditional clothes.
Mavis turns to Marjorie and says, "I wonder if it's true what they say about what a Scotsman wears under his kilt?".
Marjorie says, "let's find out!".
They tiptoe up to th...

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A man travels to scotland

He visits a nice little pub by the shore where a local man is sitting alone sobbing. The visitor asks the man why he is so sad.

The man stares intently at the bar and begins to speak "you see this bar here son? I built this bar with me own two hands, and many others like it in town. But do t...

I was at the bar the other night with my buddy having some beers.

We had been there a while when two large girls came up to the bar and ordered some drinks. I noticed when they ordered they both had strong accents so I said “Hi, are you two girls from Scotland?” One of them spoke up, with quite an attitude and said “it’s WALES you idiot!!!”

So I immediately...

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How do they practice safe sex in Scotland?

They brand the sheep that kick.

Scotland might not leave the EU...

but Theresa May.

Driving in Scotland

(First post here, let me know if i need to fix anything please).
An American decides to visit Scotland. While there, he decides to rent a nice car to explore the country. Not long on the road he is pulled over by a police officer. The officer approached the vehicle and asks the American,
"I do...

Top Joke in Scotland

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather.
Not screaming in terror like his passengers.

How would the Rolling Stones have been different if Mick Jagger had been from Scotland instead of England?

Instead of "Hey You, Get Off Of My Cloud," it would have been, "Hey McLeod, Get Off Of My Ewe!"

A cabby picked up 3 rather large women and was taking them downtown. As they were talking he thought he detected a Scottish accent. he asked "Are you three ladies from Scotland?"

They looked at each other silently, then one of the sneered at him and said "It's Wales, you idiot."
"Oh, excuse me. Are you three whales from Scotland?"

I secretly love men from Scotland...

It's my kilty pleasure.

Why are radios cheaper in Scotland?

Because the boxes are battered and and the speakers are fried.

Three blondes are hiking in Scotland

They set out early afternoon on a sunny Thursday morning in the middle of July. The three girls are kitted out with the best equipment that money can buy and have got their route from Stirling to Callander planned perfectly. After an hour or so of walking one of the blondes comes across some tracks ...

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An Irishman, a Scotsman and an Englishman walk into a bathroom

The Englishman takes a piss, and wipes his hands very thoroughly with 7 squares of toilet paper, while loudly proclaiming that "In England, we always do our job extremely thoroughly"


The Scotsman takes a piss, and wipes his hand with just one square of toilet paper, using every square inc...

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What does Las Vegas have in common with Scotland?

Not a lot, but in both you can pay for sex with chips.

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A limerick for Grangemouth, Falkirk, Scotland

In Grangemouth there's an oil refinery
A port, a canal and a winery
An to thrill you to bits
All the girls have 10 tits
That is if you count them in binary

When I was a kid in Scotland...

...I asked my dad once day

"How come you always screw the sheep on the edge of the cliffs? Isn't that kind of dangerous?"

He said "Yes, son, it is, but it makes the sheep push back a lot harder."

Two Irish nuns visited Scotland for the first time...

Two Irish nuns were visiting Scotland for the first time when they saw a burly Scot wearing a traditional kilt. One nun whispered to the other, "Do ye suppose it's true what they say? That they dinna wear anything underneath their kilts?"

Overhearing them, the Scot proudly turned toward them ...

A young lady was walking through a field in Scotland...

...when she noticed a man passed out against a tree. Curious of what men wore underneath their kilts, she decided there was no better time to find out. She giggled softly, took her ribbon, and tied it at a strategic location.

The next morning the Scotsman woke up with a terrible hangover and ...

In 1964, a couple of former St. Louis Cardinals baseball stars were on vacation in Wales....

Red Schoendienst and Stan Musial decided to head to the UK on vacation with their wives after the 1964 Major League Baseball season. The two had retired as players the year before and had just finished their first full season as members of the staff - Musial as vice president, Schoendienst as a coa...

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Why are tourists to Scotland wrongly arrested as pedophiles?

They say they came for the 12-year-old Scotch.

What is the difference between Scotland and a pregnant woman?

A pregnant woman is in Labour

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Two Scots Meet Abroad While on Holiday

Liam, while on holiday, notices another man bellowing loudly in a Scottish accent.

Liam: Hey pal! You sound Scottish. Where ye from?

Callum: I'm from fucking Scotland, pal

Liam: Aye, ah guessed that, which toon?

Callum: Glasgae

Liam: me too. Which part?

Call...

An Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman are stuck on a deserted island.

After a few weeks, they find a magic lamp and the genie gives them one wish each.

The Englishman decides quickly and says, "I wish I was back home in England with my family".

The Scotsman thought, hey that's a good idea and said, "I wish I was at home in Scotland with my family"
...

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My mate in Scotland reckons his scrotum got to -273 degrees last night.

I reckon that's absolute bollocks

A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach

He had no arms and no legs. Three women, from England , Wales , and Scotland , were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man. The English woman said, 'Have you ever had a hug?' The man said, 'No,' so she gave him a hug and walked on. The Welsh woman said, 'Have you ever had a kiss?' The man ...

What's the best thing about England?

The road back to Scotland

Based on the Scotland vote results...

It looks like the UK didn't get off Scot-free.

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A tourist walks into a bar in Scotland

He sits down and orders a beer and starts talking with a rather sad looking Scotsman sitting next to him, named Duncan.

"Look around the bar," he says, "I built this bar with my own hands. It took me three whole years to build this bar, I poured my sweat into it , but does anyone call me Dunc...

A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman want to get in to the Olympics, but they haven't got tickets.

A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman want to get in to the Olympics, but they haven't got tickets. The Scotsman picks up a manhole cover, tucks it under his arm and walks to the gate. "McTavish, Scotland" he says, "Discus" and in he walks. The Englishman picks up a length of scaffolding and sli...

A small collection of my favorite science jokes

A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “How much for a drink?”

“For you, sir, no charge!”

 

What's 2 times 2?

Physicist: “After some measurements I am fairly sure it is somewhere between 3.81 and 4.13!”

Mathematician: “After some consideration ...

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