What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?

They become mummies.

Mike Tyson in Egypt

So mike Tyson is vacation in Egypt. He is having a great time but slowly begins to run out of things to do. A few days go by and he even grows tired of gawking at the pyramids. He’s searching for something to do! He heads to his local marketplace. There he finds a book on ancient Egyptian hieroglyph...

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Why was the job market in ancient Egypt so shitty?

It was full of pyramid schemes

My friend just had a baby, and named her Egypt.

Poor child is gonna have the weirdest walk.

If you live in Egypt but refuse to admit it...

Does that put you in a state of denial?

All these people getting emails from the Prince of Nigeria, I got one from an Egyptian Pharaoh...

But it turned out to just be a pyramid scheme.

Archaeologists in Egypt have unearthed a tomb containing a mummy covered in chocolate & nuts.

Excited they believe it is the remains of the long lost Pharaoh Roche.

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Since you like NSFW jokes here is one from Egypt

Once upon a time there was a king who used to fuck his wife in a room putting a black servant beside them to cool the air using a plastic fan but the king's dick was small and the wife complained about getting no pleasure so he told the black servant to replace the roles and the wife was in great pl...

Why was the Jamaican man doubting himself that he swam in Egypt

He was In De Nile

My friend refused to believe that there was a river in Egypt.

He was in de-Nile.

You know, they worshipped felines in ancient egypt

They’re called “Aristocats”

Who lives in Egypt?

Mommy



\*Credit: my 5 yr old after learning about pyramids at school\*

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An archaeologist in Egypt was taking a walk in the town square one morning.

An archaeologist in Egypt was taking a walk in the town square one morning. He had to get back to the hotel for a meeting but had forgotten his wristwatch. He was walking by an old man sitting on a low stool by his camel and asked if he knew the time.

The old man slowly reached over and push...

'One day, in ancient Egypt, Bastet went to her temple for a meal, but found that her priests were late.'

'She was quite annoyed, but they had served her well for many years, so when one of her priests arrived, she gave him the opportunity to explain himself.

'"Oh, great Bastet, please show mercy on us, your humble servants! A stranger with a strange god has come and is making demands of the Pha...

My friend and I took a trip to Egypt. While we were sightseeing, he slipped and fell into a river. I told him he needs to get out as soon as possible but he refused to acknowledge his predicament.

He was in denial.

On a river rafting trip in Egypt, a couple began to sink. The husband urged his wife to swim to safety before the water got too deep, but she refused to believe she was in any danger.

She was too deep in de Nile.

I was offered the chance to buy some real estate in Egypt's Valley of the Kings

but it turned out to be just a pyramid selling scheme

What do you call small rivers in Egypt?

Juveniles

Why did the Egyptians build the pyramids?

To get to the other side.

All the world leaders met for a summit in Egypt.

I guess the reigns down in Africa.

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.

One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amal. The other goes to a family in Spain. They name him Juan. 

Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal.

He resp...

Saudi Arabia won against Egypt in a Soccer match.

Egyptians had a better plan but Saudis had better execution.

Why did you go to Egypt for honeymoon?

To make the wife a mummy.

Why was kid afraid of his mother in ancient Egypt?

Because she’s mummy

There isn't a lot of water in Egypt.

And if you disagree, you're in the Nile.

I hurt my back in Egypt.

It got so bad I had to see a Cairopractor.

Did you hear the score of the football game between Egypt and Ethiopia?

Egypt 8, Ethiopia didn’t

What do you call it when someone refuses to accept that there are rivers in Egypt?

Denial.

It's been 5 months since my best friend drowned in a river in Egypt.

....and he's still in denial.

I just found out that Archeologist were recently digging in the Pyramids of Egypt and found a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts.

Experts on site identified the mummy as Pharaoh Roche.

Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's day?

They prefer mummies.

Man! Did anyone else see the result of the Egypt vs Ethopia soccer game?

Egypt: 8.

Ethopia: Didn't.

TIL: They found an unopened tomb in Egypt and a new Pharaoh last month

The strange thing was he was wrapped in foil - his name is Pharaoh Rocher

Back in ancient Egypt, the standardized units of measurements were based off the length of the current pharoah's body parts. The pointer finger would be one unit of measurement, the forearm another, and so on.

It could be noted, the pharoah was the ruler.

Did you hear about the new tomb that they found in Egypt?

It contains hazelnuts and coco and experts think that the tomb belonged to the...Ferrero Rocher

:)))

I found out how to get buried cheaply in Egypt.

Send me $10 and I'll tell you.

Me: Did you know that the fish in Egypt dont believe in global warming?

Friend: ....
Me: Yeah, they're in Da Nile

I tried to convince my friend he was swimming in Egypt but he wouldn't believe me.

He was in denial.

Two Rastafarians go to the river in Egypt and one of them gets in and says "Ey, mon, me not get wet"; his friend replies

"Ya right, mon, you in denial"

Back in 1950's Egypt...

Nasser wanted to know the age of a ancient statue that had been recently excavated. He went up to his KGB advisers and asked if their technicians could help. Just a few hours later, one of the KGB men told Nasser "The statue is just about 5,000 years old." Nasser was very impressed and asked "How di...

Trump was in Egypt claiming he brought peace to the Middle East.

He was in de Nile

A mummy was found in Egypt.

The archaeologists could not determine its origin. Then a Soviet adviser offered his help. The mummy was delivered to the Soviet embassy. In two hours the Soviet adviser appeared and said, "His name was Amenkhotep 23 rd."
"How did you find out?"
"He confessed," the advisor said.

(90's Dictator Joke) So Clinton, Blair and Mubarak are playing ball in Egypt

They kick the ball and it falls into the crocodile-infested Nile. Clinton says, "Not to worry, one of our marines will get it back", and he asks a marine to go get it. The Marine sees the crocodiles fighting each other and says, "Sorry, I have a family and kids I want to raise". So Tony Blair goes, ...

An American biker decides to travel the world

Once upon a time there lived an American biker named Rick. Now, Rick loved to ride his motorcycle, but was tired of driving up and down the same roads, day after day.

One morning, he woke up, and decided to travel the world. So he saved up some money, got on a plane, along with his trusty Har...

Facebook is a lot like ancient Egypt

People write on walls, use emojis, and worship cats.

A man goes to Egypt.

A man takes a trip to Egypt and wants to rent a car. He goes to the dealer and asks them what cars they have. The dealer says "Oh, we ran out of cars, but we do have camels."

"A camel?" the man asks. "Why would I take a camel?"

"Well," the car renter explains "they're as fast as a car,...

Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?

Because they're so full of mummies

(As told by "Jackie chan" while cooking my lunch on the hibachi grill)

Breaking news! Due to heavy storms, all the rivers in Egypt are flooding.

The citizens of Cairo are still in denial

What did the school in Egypt finally get?

A new bus.

Damn girl are you from Egypt?

Because A'frican love you.

Why did the Pharaoh visit the dentist?

Because Egypt his tooth...

My Friend Shipped Me To Egypt Overnight

I can't believe it! Its been two days and I'm still in De-Nile.

Excuse me, are you interested in courses on ancient Egypt?

I promise it's not a pyramid scheme.

A man and his wife are touring Egypt.

While looking at the pyramids, a local merchant calls them over. He offers the man 100 camels in exchange for his wife. The man takes a few minutes, but ultimately refuses the offer and the two go on their way. A bit later the man's wife asks him, "What took you so long to say no?". The man replies,...

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A soldier is being shown round his new base in Egypt.

A soldier is being shown round his new base in Egypt. The soldier guiding him shows him were the basic things are. Beds, toilets, where to get food etc. Eventually the soldier ask "look this is all very well but, what do you do for sex?" And his guide responds "we use the camels." The soldier thinks...

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How do you know when the king of Egypt is horny?

...From all the Pharaoh moans.

Three young friends, seeking a fortune, adventure together to Egypt where a new pyramid has been discovered

Upon arriving at the pyramid, they are immediately told to leave as the site has already been excavated. The friends, not willing to concede, look for a different way in and find an entrance never before used.

It is through this entrance that they find a secret passage way, one that is made...

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My mate John just got back from a holiday in Egypt...

He said he had a great time riding camels. His was a female camel.
I asked him how he knew his was a female.
He replied. 'I overheard the guy behind me say.'
"Look at the cunt on that."

A man from Egypt, a man from Paris and a man from Liverpool are all on a hot air balloon ride

The man from Egypt says "we're in Egypt! I can see the beautiful pyramids". A while later the man from Paris says "we're in Paris! I can see the Eiffel Tower from here". Next, the man from Liverpool spoke. He said "we're in Liverpool! I can see someone stealing my car!".

A man in ancient Egypt commits a crime. The Pharaoh says "The penalty for your crime is death." "How would like to die?"

"Death by old age"

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A guy walks into a bar, followed by an ostrich, followed by a cat.

All three sit down at the bar. The bartender looks at the man and says, “What’ll ya have?” The man says, “Gimme a beer.” The ostrich says, “I’ll have one too.” The cat says, “I want two beers, but I’m only gonna pay half price.” The bartender serves up four beers, and tells the man, “that’ll be $12....

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Three explorers are in Egypt (long)

and they stumble upon some old ruins. In the ruins they find a big room, with three doors. The first explorer, Henry, goes up to the door and reads: "Who ever enters this door will die a fiery death." He doesn't believe in superstitions, so he goes through the door to find a long hallway. At the end...

So there's apparently been over 200, well preserved tibia excavated in the area surrounding the great pyramid in Egypt...

sources say it was a real shin dig.

I got a call from Egypt today.

They tried to get me involved in a pyramid scheme.

(Credit to my wife for this one)

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So a British Sergeant is deported to Egypt...

And he is forced to live in a mudhut in a small village far from any civilization.

After a few weeks he realizes that he can't fight his sexual urges, but he's too much of a proper gentleman to masturbate. So turns to his servant and asks "My dear Achmed, I feel like my hedonistic urges are t...

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A woman had twin boys

Unfortunately, she was unable to keep them, so she put them up for adoption. She was able to find loving homes for both of them overseas, but it was many years since she had seen them.

Then, just before their 21st birthday she got two letters, one from Egypt, the other from Spain. Each son ha...

A Husband and Wife are in church listening to a very long and drawn out sermon

After quite a bit of time, the wife gets tired and dozes off. The husband notices this and goes to poke her with his finger to wake her up. At the same time, the priest asks a question to the audience.

"Who freed the slaves from Egypt?"

"GOD" Exclaimed the wife to the husband, very ir...

What happens if the protesters in Egypt win?

They advance to the finals against Tunisia.

Common political joke from a village in Egypt

It was voting day in Egypt and a man's wife repeatedly reminded him to go vote during his lunch break. Deciding that Hosny Mubarak had a long enough reign, he decided to vote for the other guy.
Feeling proud of his decision, he told his wife. She became hysterical and scream "What have you done?...

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Little Tut is having a Hieroglyphics class in Ancient Egypt.

The teacher dictates: "Our Pharaoh, King of the Kings, Son of Ra, strong as a crocodile and manly as.."
And Tut, from the back of the class, asks:
-How many balls is "manly" spelled with?

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A Tourist in Egypt is walking through the desert...

A Tourist in Egypt is walking through the desert on his way from one Oasis to another.

After a while, he spots a man, sitting in the middle of the desert, looking like he was holding on to an invisible steering wheel, and loudly going "Vroom! Vrooooom!!". Confused, he stepped closer. "Excuse...

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Why can't they teach drivers ed on the same day as sex ed in Egypt?

Wears out the camel.

A ship is navigating along the Mediterranean coastline through some thick fog...

One of the crew members approaches the captain. "Sir I think we made a wrong turn and were heading downriver though Egypt."

"Egypt?" The captain ponders over his charts for a moment before shaking his head "No no, I think were definitely on course"

The crew member shrugs and returns to...

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Little Johnny overheard a couple of girls in school

The kids were whispering "Purple flowers, purple flowers," and giggling. Curious what this meant, Johnny asked his friend.

"Jimmy, what does purple flowers mean?" Johnny asked.

Little Jimmy looked at Johnny in horror and said "I'm not gonna be friends with someone who says stuff like t...

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A man walks into a brothel. NSFW

He goes to the first floor to find a sign that says "slow fucks"

Then he goes to the second floor to find another sign that says "fast fucks"

When he reached the third floor he found a paper on the ground he bend over to pick it up, only to find someone fucking him,he reads the paper, ...

Adventures in Camel Riding

A man goes to Egypt on a holiday with quite a bit of money to spend. One day, he finds a shop with a camel for hire. Knowing that riding a camel would make treks through the desert much easier, the man decides to hire the camel. The man said to the Egyptian shop owner, “How do I control him?” The Eg...

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