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Did you know they don't have dad jokes in Egypt?

They are called mummy jokes.

Why are the pyramids in Egypt?

Because they are too big to transport to British museums

Why are there pyramids in Egypt?

They were too heavy to steal and put in a British museum.
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What's the difference between the Great Pyramid in Egypt and the Luxor Hotel in Las Vegas?

Ages of neglect and pillaging have caused one of them to fall into utter disrepair. The other is in Egypt.

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I was watching a show about Ancient Egypt, and they mentioned that there were Seven Sacred Oils that they used to anoint the dead with.

I thought that sounded interesting, so I decided to Google "Seven Sacred Oils of Egypt" and the entire front page of results is about where I can buy the essential oils the Egyptians used, you know mlm shit.

I cannot stress enough how this is not what I was looking for, but in hindsight I p...

A mummy has just been discovered in Egypt covered in chocolate and nuts.

Archaeologists believe it may be the Pharaoh Roche.

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A guy goes to a sex shop in Egypt

A guy goes to a sex shop in Egypt, he sees an old man standing there so he goes and asks his:
So what sort of services do you guys have here?
The old man replies: we have everything what do you want?
The man reluctantly asks: so how much for a blowjob?
That’s 50 dollars, the old man repl...

A Soviet archeology team is in Egypt on an expedition

They come across a pyramid and inside it is a mummy. Unfortunately, they can't determine who the mummy is. They get in touch with the NKVD who arrive a few hours later in the form of three hulking men carrying briefcases. The NKVD goons go inside the pyramid. After a few hours they come out.

...

What di you call a rare fart in Egypt?

A toot uncommon!

Archeaologists in Egypt have found a mummy in a tomb in the pyramids made of chocolates and hazelnuts

His name: Pharaoh rocher

How did guys score in Ancient Egypt?

They used Pharaoh Moans

A tourist went to Egypt and took a taxi to the hotel ..

While in the way, they encountered a red light at cross road junction, which the driver didn't stop for. The tourist said " Why didn't you stop?", To which the driver answered " Relax, I'm a professional and i know what i'm doing". The same thing happened again, the tourist asked the same question a...

what's the most common doctors in Egypt?

"Cairo"practors

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Two boys in Egypt free a crocodile...

In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults.

One day, the two were walking outside the village when they saw a crocodile trapped in a poacher’s snare. The t...

A woman has twin boys and gives them up for adoption.

The first goes to a family in Egypt, which names him Ahmal.

The second goes to a family in Spain, which names him Juan.

Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.

Excited at receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a pictur...

Oldest jokes in human history - Another s*x joke, Ancient Egypt, 1600 BC.

One of the world's oldest joke was found in the Ancient Egyptian story book known as the Westcar Papyrus

It goes:

# "How do you entertain a bored pharaoh?

# "You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish."

The government in Egypt has asked the city's taxi drivers to drive around Cairo sounding their car horns. It is hoped that the familiar sounds of the city will induce a return to tranquility and normality following the recent pandemic.

Operation Toot 'n Calm 'Em will last for the rest of the week.

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What do you call a physiotherapist in Egypt?

A Cairopractor

I was offered a construction job in Egypt this morning.

Turned out to be a pyramid scheme

I went to egypt for a week

the giza pyramids are quite majestic

but those camel riders are pretty scammy, they would charge you 5 times more money if they recognize you're a tourist

they're running some kind of scheme

*a pyramid scheme*

some tourists are visiting Egypt and they go to see the sacred bull

While they're there the caretaker comes and grabs the bull and says

"sorry I need to take apis".

The tourists are shocked so they ask "on the bull"?!

Scientists recently have been doing some new studies with the mummy of Egypt's famous boy king.

With the aid of highly advanced mri scans they were able to ascertain he suffered from a major gastro intestinal disorder. Apparently he was lactose intolerant. So it turns out, me and the Egyptian kid got a toot in common

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A lone camel driver was about to embark upon a long journey from west Sahara to Egypt.

He packed all the gear he could think of for the journey that would last for a couple of months. No thing had escaped his mind. Lots of water, food, first aid kit, even three toothbrushes to last him the whole way.

Only after a week, well into the desert did it dawn on him that while he had r...

How do ducks fly in Egypt?

They flock like an Egyptian.

What do you call small rivers in Egypt?

Juveniles

What is an old person called in Egypt?

a Giza

Why did St Peter go to Egypt for his holidays every year

Because he is a big fan of denial

I threw my back out tilling the fields of Egypt.

My doctor said I should see a different cairotractor.

Pyramids were not the tallest structures in Egypt...

They were just medium height, between the Pyrahighs, and Pyralows.

I visited a strange, small shop on my trip to Egypt...

They had some really weird goods for sale. Honestly, the whole thing was just a little bazaar.

I hurt my back in Egypt

It got so bad that I had to visit a cairopractor

So I used to love watching football in Egypt when I visit my friends in Morocco, but I’ve been understanding it less and less.

The games keep getting more confusing, it usually goes like: Mohamed passes to Mohamed, and he runs up then passes it to Mohamed, but then Mohamed intercepted the ball. Mohamed is now running up the field and passes it to Mohamed, and Mohamed shoots, but the goalie Mohamed blocks the shot. Then Moha...

I got a new dog... His name is Egypt

because he keeps leaving little pyramids around the house.

Back in 1950's Egypt...

Nasser wanted to know the age of a ancient statue that had been recently excavated. He went up to his KGB advisers and asked if their technicians could help. Just a few hours later, one of the KGB men told Nasser "The statue is just about 5,000 years old." Nasser was very impressed and asked "How di...

My kid's doing his masters' thesis on ancient Egypt plumbing design

He's a Pharaoh faucet major

An American biker decides to travel the world...

Once upon a time there lived an American biker named Rick. Now, Rick loved to ride his motorcycle, but was tired of driving up and down the same roads, day after day.

One morning, he woke up, and decided to travel the world. So he saved up some money, got on a plane, along with his trusty Ha...

My best friend drowned in Egypt.

I’m in denile.

Crocodiles in Egypt will never admit to being in love...

They all live in de-Nile

Trump must have been born in Egypt...

He was obviously born in De Nile.

what do you call a spine doctor who practices in Egypt?

a cairo-practor!

Who ate all the noodles in ancient egypt?

King Tootin'ramen

Why did you go to Egypt for honeymoon?

To make the wife a mummy.

There isn't a lot of water in Egypt.

And if you disagree, you're in the Nile.

My friend just went to Egypt

He had a break up and now he's in denial

What can I say about my trip to Egypt...

-I thought I was having fun, but I was in denile the whole time.

Did you know the first trans people came from Egypt?

It was when daddy's became mummy's

They won't admit the Egypt flight crashed...

...because they're all in *da nile.*

Where do people in Egypt go for physical therapy?

To the Cairo-practor

In what part of Egypt do people tell lies?

Denial River

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A guy walks into a bar, followed by an ostrich, followed by a cat.

All three sit down at the bar. The bartender looks at the man and says, “What’ll ya have?” The man says, “Gimme a beer.” The ostrich says, “I’ll have one too.” The cat says, “I want two beers, but I’m only gonna pay half price.” The bartender serves up four beers, and tells the man, “that’ll be $12....

Mike Tyson in Egypt

So mike Tyson is vacation in Egypt. He is having a great time but slowly begins to run out of things to do. A few days go by and he even grows tired of gawking at the pyramids. He’s searching for something to do! He heads to his local marketplace. There he finds a book on ancient Egyptian hieroglyph...

Damn girl are you from Egypt?

Because A'frican love you.

Three young friends, seeking a fortune, adventure together to Egypt where a new pyramid has been discovered.

Upon arriving at the pyramid, they are immediately told to leave as the site has already been excavated. The friends, not willing to concede, look for a different way in and find an entrance never before used.

It is through this entrance that they find a secret passageway, one that is made at...

A boy in egypt collects water at the nile

A crocodile sees this boy and slowly swims to the boy. The boy notices the crocodile to late and tries running away. He trips over a root and falls. The crocodile swallows him trying to devour him completely. As the boy is almost completely within the crocodile with only his head is sticking out, a ...

'One day, in ancient Egypt, Bastet went to her temple for a meal, but found that her priests were late.'

'She was quite annoyed, but they had served her well for many years, so when one of her priests arrived, she gave him the opportunity to explain himself.

'"Oh, great Bastet, please show mercy on us, your humble servants! A stranger with a strange god has come and is making demands of the Pha...

A man goes to Egypt.

A man takes a trip to Egypt and wants to rent a car. He goes to the dealer and asks them what cars they have. The dealer says "Oh, we ran out of cars, but we do have camels."

"A camel?" the man asks. "Why would I take a camel?"

"Well," the car renter explains "they're as fast as a car,...

Ancient Egypt must have been super progressive

I mean, all their daddies ended up turning into mummies.

A man tried to walk on water in Egypt

He regretted it, he was very in denile

They need to move China to Egypt ...

... because they are in a deep state of denial.

My friend and I took a trip to Egypt. While we were sightseeing, he slipped and fell into a river. I told him he needs to get out as soon as possible but he refused to acknowledge his predicament.

He was in denial.

Landed a job a few weeks ago as an archeologist excavating tombs in Egypt. But when I went in for work, they just had me go and recruit more archeologists.

Turns out it was a pyramid scheme

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Since you like NSFW jokes here is one from Egypt

Once upon a time there was a king who used to fuck his wife in a room putting a black servant beside them to cool the air using a plastic fan but the king's dick was small and the wife complained about getting no pleasure so he told the black servant to replace the roles and the wife was in great pl...

It's been 5 months since my best friend drowned in a river in Egypt.

....and he's still in denial.

My friend just had a baby, and named her Egypt.

Poor child is gonna have the weirdest walk.

Why was the Jamaican man doubting himself that he swam in Egypt

He was In De Nile

What's the most commonly used type of fraud in Egypt?

Pyramid schemes.

Who lives in Egypt?

Mommy



\*Credit: my 5 yr old after learning about pyramids at school\*

All the world leaders met for a summit in Egypt.

I guess the reigns down in Africa.

Two Rastafarians go to the river in Egypt and one of them gets in and says "Ey, mon, me not get wet"; his friend replies

"Ya right, mon, you in denial"

On a river rafting trip in Egypt, a couple began to sink. The husband urged his wife to swim to safety before the water got too deep, but she refused to believe she was in any danger.

She was too deep in de Nile.

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