What does ADD stand for?

Discriminating Dyslexics Association

My wife told me to add ketchup to the shopping list before I went to the store

I don't know why since now I can't read what it says

I like when math problems always add up to round numbers.

They’re wholesum.

what do you get when you put a number 1 into a calculator and then add a number 2?

a mess

Admin : Adds Erica to the group.

David: Hi Erica welcome to the group.

Erica: Hi guys, I am new to the city.

Sam: Hi Erica don’t worry, I am here, any problems I will be the solution.

Kevin: Hi Erica. Tell me if you have any problem, I will arrange a solution for you.

Kyle: Hi Erica, if you need anyt...

After 150 days off flooding, Noah released all the animals from his ark and commanded then to go forth and multiply.

After some time, he saw that the flocks and herds were regaining their numbers, but he came across a pair of snakes who had laid no eggs, and were just laying about.

"Why have you not multiplied?" he asked.

To which the snakes responded, "we can't, we're adders."


Noah being ...

A chef made my soup in a rush and I asked "Why didn't you add any herbs and spices?"

He said "Sorry, I didn't have the thyme".

Add pressurised gas to orange juice you get orangeade. Add pressurised gas to cherry juice you get cherryade. Add pressurised gas to a man named Declan.

You get a decade. Though I'm hoping to be out on parole after 5 for good behaviour.

What word gets shorter if you add two letters to it?

Short


What word gets shorter if you remove two letters from it?


Shorterer

I was going to add some herbs to my cooking

but I had to serve it soon and there wasn’t any thyme

If you had a credit credit with ADD

It would lose interest so fast.

The easiest time to add insult to injury

Is when you’re signing somebody’s cast.

I have ADD.

It stands for attention defici

I saw an add for burial plots

And thought this is the last thing I need

We need to start a petition to permanently add President Trump to Mount Rushmore.

Not a sculpture of him. Himself.

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Pilot says to the passengers, one engine has failed but don't worry this plane has four engines it will only add 20 minutes to the flight, then a second and third engine fail, Pilot says it's OK this plane can run on one engine and only adds 2 hours to the flight. Paddy says.

Fucking heck if the other engine fails, we could be up here forever.

How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb?

Wanna go ride bikes?

My ADD always beats me when I’m trying to do my homework.

The dyslexia doesn’t help either.

What do you get if you add up all the seconds of your life?

A lot of food you probably didn’t need to eat.

Why do poor people have ADD?

Because they cant pay attention

Why do I add baking soda to my pumpkin spice lattes?

To make them even more basic.

I tried to teach a ghost addition. Despite its efforts, in the end, it could only add 1 at a time.

I was disappointed, but I guess it's the spirit that counts.

If a recipe calls for you to turn off the heat and begin mincing your herbs to add to the dish, that step would be called:

Stop. Hammer thyme.

If you add coke to your whiskey, you're a novice drinker.

If you add whiskey to your coke, you're ruining good drugs.

Add a job interview I filled my glass of water until it overflowed a little

“Nervous.” Asked the interviewer.

“No, I always give 110%”

Everyday someone mysteriously adds more dirt on top of my garden

The plot thickens

Sales pitch

Bubba Joe's first military assignment was to a military induction center, and, because he was a good talker, they assigned him the duty of advising new recruits about the government benefits, especially the GI insurance to which they were entitled.

Before long the Captain in charge of the ind...

What is a hero's favorite thing to add to a drink?

Just-ice!

How did the child with ADD find out his parents were racist?

They sent him to a concentration camp.

What do you call a hen that can add, subtract, and multiply?

A mathamachicken.

A United States Marine was deployed to Afghanistan

A United States Marine was deployed to Afghanistan.

While he was there he received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend.

In the letter she explained that she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him. To add injury to the insult, she said ...

I hate it when people misappropriate common words to add dramatic emphasis to their statements.

It literally makes me physically ill.

They say the camera adds ten pounds

But after meeting a few girls online I'm convinced it takes away at least thirty

LPT: If you're trying cocaine for the first time, add a little Downy.

It'll soften the blow.

If you add S to EX files...

You get EX-S files. Get it? Excess files haha

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU HAVE ADD:

1) Easily distracted
2) Frequently lose your train of thought 3) Unfinished projects

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A priest and a taxi driver arrive at the Pearly Gates.

St. Peter welcomes them and shows them to their homes.

For the taxi driver, a beautiful villa looking over a gorgeous field of clouds. "Thank you," the ecstatic taxi driver said.

Anticipating an even bigger mansion, the priest was dismayed when they arrived at a small 1-bedroom apartme...

My teacher told me I'd never be good at poetry because I'm dyslexic.

But so far I've made three jugs and a vase and they're lovely.



Edit to add: Thank you for the Gold and Silvers kind strangers!

What do you get when you add human DNA to a goat?

Off... you get off.

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[Life Pro Tip] when cooking Kale.. add some coconut oil..

It makes it easier to scrape into the trash bin..

If I had a dollar every time a customer complained about the price of cinema food.

I could almost afford a small popcorn.

Edit: With all the complaining in the comments I could add a drink as well.

Nah cheers guys. Sorry about the cost of movie food. It’s the CEO’s fault not the person behind the counter. Please stop yelling at us. We are very small and we have no m...

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A man applies to a government job, and he gets told this:

The interviewer asked him if he was allergic to anything.

He replies " Yes caffeine, I can't drink coffee,"

"OK," the interviewer says " Have you been in the military?"

The man answers " Yes I was in Iraq for two years."

The interviewer says " OK that will give you 5 po...

What would Mark Zuckerberg add to the game, if he created MineCraft?

Data.

So he can mine it.

Why does everyone add salt to their meals?

It’s sodium goooood

I really hate how I can't add swearwords to my phone's spell checker.

It's a ducking piece of shot.

I've decided to add more oranges to my jokes.

To increase their, uh, peel.

When I was a kid I was diagnosed with ADD

But I paid no attention

Why do bakeries in Denmark add so much sugar to their pastries?

If they didn't, they would be sweetish.

What do racist cannibals like to add to their soup?

A handful of crackers.

What song did Starlord recently add to his Awesome Mix?

Another One Bites The Dust by Queen

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Joe, Dave, Tommy, and Rodney start a folk rock band. Joe plays cymbals, Dave is on the 6-string, Tommy has the drums, and Rodney adds his unique twang to the vocals.

Their very first rehearsal, they come up with a great idea for an original composition. It takes heavy liberties with the cymbal part. Joe is ecstatic; cymbal players rarely ever get the recognition they deserve. This could be a revolution in the music industry!

They begin tuning and setting ...

If the camera really does add 10 pounds

Do Ethiopian kids even exist?

How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?

Add a nipple to it.

A frog goes into a bank

He hops up on the desk of the loan officer.
''Hi,'' he croaks.''What's your name?'

The loan officer says, ''My name is John Paddywack. May I help you?''

''Yeah,'' says the frog. ''I'd like to borrow some money.''

The loan officer finds this a little odd, but gets out a form....

Add a word to ruin a movie:

- Batman Begins College
- The Longest Yard Sale
- Charlottes Web Cam.

How do you stop a homeopath from drowning?

Add more water.

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Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.

Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try.

One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, the King's chief doctor. Horatio thought abou...

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A little Irish math test

Paddy wants a job, but the foreman won’t hire him until he passes a little maths test.

Here is your first question, the foreman says. “Without using numbers, represent the number 9.”

“Without numbers?” Paddy says? “Dat’s easy.” And proceeds to draw three trees.

“What’s this?” th...

How do you make a water bed more bouncy?

Add spring water

How will Trump add yuge amounts of manufacturing jobs?

He will build alternative fact-tories

Me: "Alexa, add tinfoil for hats to my shopping cart."

Alexa: "I ordered yesterday after I noticed you had 3 sheets left in your upper right cupboard. You're all good."

How many people does it take to change a lightbulb in a Facebook group?

* 1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.
* 15 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.
* 8 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
* 18 purists who use candles and are...

All the girls in my town have a fetish for feet.

Any time I go near one, they add a few more to the restraining order.

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How to add extra fun during your amusement park ride ?

Carry some extra nuts and bolts with you.

as soon as the ride begins, Tap on the shoulder of the guy in front of you. Show them the nuts and bolts and ask

"Are these from your seat ? "

A man stumbles upon a lamp on the beach, rubs it, and a genie comes out.

"I shall grant you three wishes- but keep in mind that anything you wish for, your mother-in-law will get the same, two-fold."

The man thinks. "OK. For my first wish, I'd like to have a villa with an ocean view."

The genie says "OK, but your mother-in-law will have two."

"That's...

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A new guy in town walks into a bar and notices a large jar filled to the brim with $10 bills. The man approaches the bartender and asks, "What's up with the jar?"

"Well, you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, then you get all the money."

“What are the three tests?" asks the man

“Gotta pay first."

So the guy gives him the $10 bucks, and the bartender adds it to the jar.

“OK, here's...

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