Bits Jokes - 23 Hilarious Bits Jokes

Doctor: I have two bits of bad news for you..

- What are they?
- First, your tests show that you are suffering from Alzheimers
- Ouch! What's the other?
- The tests also show that you've got prostate cancer.
- Well at least I don't have Alzheimers.

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I’ve always believed that a good speech is like a girls mini skirt…

... Short enough to get everyone's attention and long enough to cover the most important bits!!

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Two drill bits meet on the street

- how is going? you look a little dull
- yeah I'm going trough a lot of stuff

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a policewoman called who shaves her lady bits?

Cuntstubble I guess

Eight bits walk in to a bar...

Eight Bits walk in to a bar.

The bartender asks can i get you anything

The bits respond nah we're just here for a byte.

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I cut my pizza into 7 bits

I haven't had a byte yet

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I have a joke and I don't know if it translates well in all cultures, so let me break it down into bits.

01100001 00100000 01101010 01101111 01101011 01100101

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A computer program required 8 bits of memory

A computer program required 8 bits of memory but the programmer mistakenly allocated space for a 64 bit integer instead

They then tried to rectify the issue by declaring a second 64 bit integer but this didn't have the desired effect

Two longs don't make a byte

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What did the gold prospector say when he saw bits of silver in his pan?

weird flecks, but okay.

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I’m binge-watching this show and they keep doing bits about marathons

Guess it’s some sort of running joke

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Do you know how they manufacture minuscule drill bits?

A little bit at a time.

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Intestinal worm-- long. Very long.

Man has horrible abdominal pain and weight loss. The wife finally convinces him to see a doctor.
He's diagnosed with an intestinal worm and is given treatments but it doesn't work. He sees several more doctors who all diagnose the same thing, an intestinal worm, but none of the treatments are w...

A married couple is lying in bed one night....

A married couple is lying in bed one night.

The wife is curled up, ready to go to sleep, and the husband turns his bed lamp on to read a book. As he's reading, he periodically reaches over to his wife and fondles her special bits. He does this a few times, but only for a very short interv...

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Why do chickpeas hate being pulverized to bits and rolled into balls?

Because it makes them falafel.

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I really enjoy fastening bits of metal together

It's riveting

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I eat bits of metal all day...

It's my staple diet.

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I can swallow two bits of string...

And they will come out tied together.

I shit you knot!

A man dedicated his life to tying bits of string together.

Unfortunately, it was all for knot.

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I've gone back to customer service after two years of working from home and it's been a bit of a shock. The yelling, the swearing, the threats of physical violence.

I'm really struggling to break these habits, any advice?

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I was at work trying to come up with a joke about drills bits...

...but they were all too boring.

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The owner of a sex shop, hires a new clerk.

After the owner taught him the basics of running the store, he has to run an errand.

'Could you run the store on your own for a couple of hours, Jeremy?' he asks.

'Sure thing boss!' Jeremy replied, 'don't you worry, I've got this.'

So the boss leaves for his errands, leaving you...

[Long] Three men who speak different languages overheard some bits of English, so they said what they knew to try and learn the language.

"Us three!" Said the first man.

"Half a dollar!" The second one said.

"Sooner the better!" Cried the third.

Proud of their newfound skills of obtaining language, the three repeated these lines as often as they could.

"Us three!"
"Half a dollar!"
"Sooner the be...

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What are you looking at when you see two homeless dudes hitting each other with bits of cardboard?

A pillow fight.

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