My dog took a byte out of my hard drive

Now it's in bits

The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve.

Surprise, surprise!

It was an Apple,

but with limited memory.

Just one byte,

and everything crashed.

A man gets a job at a computer store that sells food shaped computers.

He was fired for trying to take a byte.

Two bytes meet. The first byte asks, "Are you ill?"

The second byte replies, "No, just feeling a bit off."

My dog ate my homework

It was on my laptop, so it took a couple bytes, but he got there in the end.

Eight bytes walk into a bar. The bartender asks, “Can I get you anything?”

“Yeah”, reply the bytes. “Make us a double.”

What do programmers do when they're hungry?

They grab a byte

My wife is a computer geek and wants to name our son "one eighth of a byte"

So I said "Really honey? Don't you think that's a bit...?"

How big do computers like their snacks?

Byte sized

What does a redditor eat at their virtual bday party?

A byte of cake

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the virgin data analyst never get a return call from the waiter?

Too many bytes on the server’s member.

I just formed a grunge band and named it "1023 Megabytes"

... haven't gotten a gig yet though.

What did the byte do to keep each of his bits safe?

He had to a-lock-eight into memory.

-This is an original, hope you all enjoy.

Homework

Teacher where's your homework?
Me: I'm so sorry, my dog ate my homework
Computer Science Professor: Your dog ate your coding assignment?

**Awkward silence**

Me: It took him a couple bytes

We had a band in High School called 1023 Megabytes.

We never made it to a gig.

What do programmers eat for breakfast?

Nothing much, just a byte.

Did you know that restaurants can only store a maximum of 256 sliders at a time?

It's because they're 1 byte.

My new internet provider is owned by a fisherman

Terrible service, takes all day to get a byte

A student never turns in his homework because his dog keeps eating it. After moving to online classes, the teacher thought he finally wouldn’t have an excuse.

Because of the global pandemic, the teacher had to move the assignments online. Thinking of this student, she thought that he surely wouldn’t have an excuse anymore and would finally have to turn an assignment in.

But after the assignment was due and the teacher was done grading, she noticed...

Did you hear about the guy who married the USB drive?

It was love at first byte.

I just ate my USB

It only took 1 byte.

A computer program required 8 bits of memory

A computer program required 8 bits of memory but the programmer mistakenly allocated space for a 64 bit integer instead

They then tried to rectify the issue by declaring a second 64 bit integer but this didn't have the desired effect

Two longs don't make a byte

What did the owner of the 7-bit dog say?

"Don't worry, it doesn't byte!"

Mosquito bit me 8 times.

Mosquito byte.

A computer programmer goes fishing. When he comes home his wife asked him how it went?

As he holds up 8 fish, he says "I only got one byte"

How big is a clown's hard drive?

50 GiggleBytes

What do you call 8 rabbits?

a rabbyte

I was attacked by wild bunnies who bit me 8 times

Luckily the doctor who helped me only charged me for one byte

I tried to build a computer out of wood, but it wouldn't turn on.

All bark and no byte.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Women are the best firewalls in the world

1. One human cell contains 75MB of genetic information.
2. One sperm contains a half of that; that is 37.5MB.
3. One ml of semen contains 100 million sperms.
4. On average, ejaculation lasts for 5s and contains 2.25ml of semen.
5. This means that the throughput of a man's member is equal...

How does a hacker vampire kill its victims?

With a kill-o-byte.

How do you eat a computer?

Byte by byte.

EDIT: Credits to u/kevin4789 I didn't know he posted it earlier, I heard this joke from a friend at school.\

I named my dog "Kilo"

Because he used to byte me.

What's the difference between a tree and a computer?

A tree is all bark and no bite, while a computer is all byte and no bark!

What did the hungry computer eat?

Chips, one byte at a time

What did the floppy disk say to the other floppy disk?

Wanna go out for a byte?

I tried to set up multiple knock knock jokes about data storage...

But nobody would take a byte.

What do you call a group of 8 hobbits?

a hobbyte

Cortana told me that joke

Why was the computer programmer who was sent back in time to 1700 disappointed?

Because it was all baroque and no byte

Why do programmers use binary?

Because they like byte sized problems

A sculptor made a beautiful hard drive from mahogany...

but it was all bark and no bytes

I got a new Apple phone

It seemed like it was missing a byte.

I cut my pizza into 7 bits

I haven't had a byte yet

Why was the first computer never invited to dinner?

It would just take a few bytes then run.

Red Neck Computer Dictionary

* LOG ON: Makin’ a woodstove hot.
* LOG OFF: Don’t add no more wood.
* MONITOR: Keepin’ an eye on the wood stove.
* DOWNLOAD: Gittin’ the farwood off the truck.
* MEGA HERTZ: When you’re not keerfull gittin’ the farwood.
* FLOPPY DISC: Whutcha git from trying to tote too much far...

What's a Canadian's favorite unit of computer memory?

The Tim-byte.

How does software eat it's food?

By taking large bytes!

['90s] I just got a new computer.

It's called "The Tyson." It comes with two bytes and no memory.

How do you email a sandwich?

In bytes.

*Ba dum tss*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Celebrity Computer Viruses

Monica Lewinsky virus: Sucks all the memory out of your computer.

Ronald Reagan virus: Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.

Mike Tyson virus: Quits after one byte.

Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB.<...

What do robots eat?

A bit of this and a byte of that.


Courtesy of /u/DabsyGalore here
http://www.reddit.com/r/gifs/comments/1dnslv/i_made_a_working_rollercoaster_using_only_canned/c9s630i

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A programmer took a bit of my cookie, then he told his 7 other friends to help themselves like him.

They all took a fucking byte out of my cookie!

What did the hungry computer programmer say?

All I want is one byte. Hell, I'll even take a nibble.

why did the computer go to the cafe?, and who is the king of the classroom?

to get a byte, and
the ruler!!!

my one sub teacher tells absolutely terrible jokes everytime we have her!

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