Can we ban the “yo momma” jokes from this sub? They’re old, stupid and have been used by everyone hundreds of times.

Just like yo momma.

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OnlyFans is banning porn but not nudity...

Which means someone will have to evaluate each and every account with naked women in it and come to a decision.

Sounds like tedious and boring work... where do I sign up?

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The Taliban are banning opium and will be growing olives instead.

For the extra virgin.

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Did you hear that Alabama banned sex in the Doggystyle position?

They said that you should never turn your back on your family.

What is the difference between BTS and Logan Paul?

BTS is a boy band from Asia; Logan Paul is a boy banned from Asia.

I got banned from /r/Jokes for posting, "Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms!"

Mods said I'm a cereal reposter...

If you get banned from a furry convention

You will be fursona non grata

"Bill to ban shark fin harvesting", and "Bill to increase minimum wage" and "Bill to help ease the burden of Vets"...with all these good things happening, it makes me wonder...

...why did he wait so long?

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How I got banned from the strip club for giving a tip. (Long story)

I saw this patron at the club often buying a hundred pack of one dollar bills.

He would break open the pack and toss them all up in the air and shout **"Let it Rain"**

All the girls would scramble to pick up all the money and all you saw was ass and titts eveywhere for about 20 second...

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How many redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

How many redittors does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers ...

I was banned from the airport last week

Apparently security doesn't like it when you call shotgun while boarding the plane

Aladdin has been banned from the magic carpet race.

Apparently he's been using performance enhancing rugs.

Why God? Why?

One day a fellow was watching Fox News and learned about a new virus that was rapidly spreading and quickly killing those who got sick with it. The nightly news reports got worse and worse, this Covid-19 virus was spreading around the world and killing increasingly large numbers of people. But he wa...

They can no longer count animals in Afghanistan

Because there is a tally-ban

I’m banned for life from acting in our production of Romeo and Juliet, just because I misunderstood the stage directions.

It said, [Enter Juliet from the rear]

I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.

Not on my watch.

Uninvited Guest

A Montana cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud toward him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how ...

What did the Afghans get when too many of them were counting?

The tally ban.

Why was the cat banned from running the race?

Because he was a cheetah.

I hear they’re having trouble keeping track of people in Afghanistan

Now that there’s a tally ban

TIL why scuba divers fall backwards out of the boat.

Because if they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat.

Please don't ban me.

There was an FBI agent named Craig.

Craig's job was checking furniture that people sell online to see if there's nothing illegal in it.

However, Craig had a weird habit - instead of tracking all illegal items, he had a document with every single legal piece of furniture that people sold, and he was removing items from there if ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Now that Trump has been banned from Twitter, we finally learned the past tense of the verb "Tweet."

Twat

It’s no longer legal to use hash marks to count in Afghanistan

This is because of the new tally ban rule.

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[NSFW] Did you hear they banned all porn from the internet?

I don't know what this world is cumming to.

so i heard they banned gambling at the zoo

too many cheetahs!

Due to covid-19.

Sweet Caroline is banned.

There will be: No touching hands, reaching out, touching me,

touching you..

My grandfather has a heart of a tiger.

He also has a lifetime ban at the zoo.

Netflix and Amazon Prime are no longer available in Afghanistan.

Because of the telly ban.

They have had to cancel this years Census in Afghanistan

This is directly due to the tally-ban

Joke from my 12 year old “why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?”

Because they’re so good at it!

Please don’t ban me

A thug walks into a bar.

He sees a lone man sitting in front of his beer, crying.
He walks up to him, pushes him off the chair, slaps him left and right in the face and drinks his beer.

The man then started crying even louder and sobbing in absolute desperation.
The thug, annoyed, yelled: Why are you crying lik...

One thing surprising is that they don't have television in Afghanastan

It's because of the Tele-ban

Why'd the gardener get banned from the hospital?

He kept watering the vegetables.

What do you get if you mix human DNA and whale DNA?

Banned from Seaworld



Cake day so time to Karma Farm, and I can't see this joke posted

Russia is considering banning the internet for most people, replacing it with a limited Russian propaganda version...

It will be called the InterNYET.

I once had an offer to join a secret club, where anyone who asked questions would be permanently banned.

I said, "Sure, why not?"

Vaccinating your kid is like banning fire from a gas station

A good idea

President Trump just banned shredded cheeses.

He wants to Make America Grate Again

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Why are Nazis banned from entering any planes?

Because they like to destroy the left wing.

Do you know what happens if we put human DNA in chimapanzees?

We get banned from the zoo.

Decided to go to the gym.

I noticed a hole in my trainer, just big enough to get my finger in...


Anyway, she's made a formal complaint, and I'm now banned for life.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the law that bans anal sex?

It's a law that I can't get behind.

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What do you call a conservative prostitute that gets banned from twitter?

A Parler trick

Why was the referee banned from the arena?

For their foul language.

Because of his loss in Wisconsin, Trump has put a ban on all shredded cheese.

It's the only way he can make America GRATE again.

Credit to my 12 year old son.

I banned my wife from singing Cascada, but I think she is singing it behind my back.

She denies it of course, but everytime we touch I get a feeling

Why were kids banned from watching a pirate film

Because it was rated rrrrrrrrr

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear the government is banning participation trophies?

They start taking down all confederate statues next week.

A clever Russian is planning on a streaming service exclusively for banned films.

He's going to call it Nyetflix.

How Does Leah Like Her Bathwater?

Luke-warm

My 9yo came up with this, don't ban me please lol

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The government has decided to ban all alcohol adverts on pornography websites

When asked, an official commented:

'We made this decision for the wellbeing of the kids who watch it'

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When social media bans female boobs, but not men's, it shows a real intolerance...

lactose intolerance.

Chess is banned under Islam

They hate that the queen moves freely.

What do you call cancer when it achieves sentience?

A reddit mod.

(doubt this will prevent it form being deleted and myself banned, but this 'attack' is quite impersonal)

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I have 4 big problems

1. My wife has been complaining that lately I’ve been moaning and orgasming furiously in my sleep, it apparently happens every night at this point.

2. I have Narcolepsy and it’s so bad that if I stay still in one spot for more then 10-15 minutes I’ll be out like a light.

3. My hair gro...

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Are people born with photographic memories?

Or do they take a while to develop?

Why the fuck are you morons spending real money on Reddit awards? Fucking STOP it. Reddit admins do NOT deserve any kind of money at all. The just banned 200 odd subreddits - and you fucking halfwits want to reward them for it.

Fuck's sake.

A young boy walked up to his dad and asked.

“Daddy why are you banned from coming to elementary school?”, The dad calmly replies. “Because that’s how I met your mother.”.

Why was the red blood cell banned from church today?

Because he said God's name in vein.

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A girl once asked me if I was a breast or legs guy...

I told her I was more into anal and feet. Now I’m banned from KFC.

What do you get when you cross a bat and a man?

A ban. Specifically, a lifetime ban from the genetics labs, as well as a visit from the ethics committee.

Apparently I’ve been banned from the gas station for playing ‘The Who’ too loudly on my car stereo...

I won't get fueled again.

64AD: Nero bans the practice of christianity through the roman empire

christians: i can’t believe this

romans: correct

I had a nightmare that my TikTok account got banned

For a second, i was really scared that i had TikTok

Why am I being banned from the pool?!

Because you're peeing in it.
But everyone pees in the pool!
Yes, but not from the diving board.

What happened to the transphobic subs during the ban wave?

They got TERFed out.

I heard that Trump is going to ban Tik Tok..

What did Ke$ha ever do to him?

I heard germany is going to make robot driven cars illegal in their highways

It's going to be called auto-ban

Apparently NASCAR is banning all Confederate flags from its races.

But how will drivers know they’ve entered the last lap of the race? 🏳

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A woman asked if I liked thighs or breasts

I told her I liked shaved vaginas and anal. I now have a lifetime ban at KFC.

Join my new national campaign and ban pre-grated cheese.

so we can make Britan grate again

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One Marine (long)

Out in the middle of the Afghan desert, a whole camp of Taliban soldiers doing whatever Talibans do on their slow days.

Suddenly, the company commander hears this voice yell out "one Marine is better than one-hunert Talibans!". It seems to be coming from behind a rock formation off in the dis...

The Muslim Ban

Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all Muslims had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Muslim community, so the Pope offered a deal. He'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Muslim community. If the Muslims won, they could stay in Italy; an...

I think it's a bit harsh to criticise Trump for trying to ban the export of masks

He's just following medical advice and trying to keep 3M away from everyone else

I got banned from laser tag today.

Apparently they frown on using a knife to save ammo.

I COMPLETELY disagree with Trump's military trans ban...

I mean, wouldn't all those attack helicopters be useful??

An Arthur episode was banned in Alabama

In the episode the kids learn that their favorite teacher is about to get married and follow him around they see him meet a woman who they assume is his wife. They don’t like her so they try to stop the wedding. In the end it turns out that the woman was his sister and that their teacher was marryin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Husband and Wife

A woman woke up and told her husband about a dream she'd just had. "I was at an auction for Peni$es. The big ones sold for $1000 and the tiny ones for $10."

Husband: "What about one my size?"

Wife: "Didn't get a bid!"

Pissed off and wanting revenge, the next morning he told his ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just got banned from the hardware store...

Some dickhead in an apron came up to me and asked if I needed decking. Lucky I got the first punch in

A joke by Max Millar that got him banned from the BBC for 5 years in 1944

"I met a beautiful woman on a mountain trail. I didn't know whether to block her passage or toss myself off."


Reference: QI, S18E01

Did you hear Karen was banned from the zoo?

She took a fence.

So NASCAR has decided to ban confederate flags at all events...

Looks like all those years of turning left rubbed off on them.

Why are surgeons banned from karaoke bars?

Things tend to get messy on "Open Mic" night.

What is a Audit?

Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road.

Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt. The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie gets out and asks the...

The military was trying to ban transpeople from joining..

..which I find wasteful considering a portion of them are x-men.

Germany has banned the word good

Apparently they're going Guten free.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's discrimination!

I see kids bouncing balls and riding bikes down isles at Walmart, but does anyone stop them, heck no! They can play with anything they want to!

But for some reason *I've* been banned from the ladies underwear department.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bloke goes into a pub, and the barmaid asks what he wants. "I want to bury my face in your cleavage and lick the sweat from between your tits" he says....

...."You dirty pig!" shouts the barmaid, "get out before I get my husband."


The bloke apologizes and promises not to repeat his gaffe. The Barmaid accepts this and asks him again what he wants. "I want to pull your pants down, spread yoghurt between the cheeks of your ass and lick it al...

Why was google translate banned in North-Korea?

The speech option was free

I just got banned from /r/fashion

Apparently they didn't like my threads

Have you heard they’ve banned accounting in Afghanistan??

Apparently there’s a Tally Ban.

I got banned from Olive Garden for eating too much breadsticks

“*how many did you eat?**”
“Olive them.”

Petition to ban all r/Fencing members from r/Jokes

Too many ripostes.

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

If Trump banned Tik Tok because it's made in China

Why doesn’t he just ban the Corona Virus?

People that don't know the difference between two, to, and too should be banned from this website.

Their so freaking stupid!

How‘s a ban on watching TV called in Russia?

Nyetflix

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I think Tumblr banning porn has already backfired

Now more of their users are getting off than ever.

My friend was angry when NASCAR banned the Confederate flag from the races

But he got angrier when I pointed out they still wave it on the final lap every race

Why is Trump excited Russia was banned from the 2018 Winter Olympics?

It makes it easier to decide who to cheer for

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