Can we ban "yo mama" jokes from this sub? They're old, stupid and have been done by literally everyone hundreds of times

Just like yo momma

I just figured out why USA is about to ban abortion (dark)

That's to have more targets for their school shootings

Why did Trump ban pre-grated cheese?

He wanted to Make America Grate Again

I read that conservatives want to ban CRT.

I'm not happy with that. I can't afford a new television right now.

I wondered why I was banned from dating sites for paying with Monopoly money.

But apparently that's not legal Tinder.

I got banned from /r/Jokes for posting, "Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms!"

Mods said I'm a cereal reposter...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

OnlyFans is banning porn but not nudity...

Which means someone will have to evaluate each and every account with naked women in it and come to a decision.

Sounds like tedious and boring work... where do I sign up?

Nintendo has explicitly banned Chris Pratt from using method acting for the Mario movie

They have warned him that eating shrooms on set is both unprofessional and illegal.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Taliban are banning opium and will be growing olives instead.

For the extra virgin.

Why is gambling banned in South Africa?

Because there are too many cheetahs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear that Alabama banned sex in the Doggystyle position?

They said that you should never turn your back on your family.

"Bill to ban shark fin harvesting", and "Bill to increase minimum wage" and "Bill to help ease the burden of Vets"...with all these good things happening, it makes me wonder...

...why did he wait so long?

What is the difference between BTS and Logan Paul?

BTS is a boy band from Asia; Logan Paul is a boy banned from Asia.

If you get banned from a furry convention

You will be fursona non grata

I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.

Not on my watch.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

How many redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How I got banned from the strip club for giving a tip. (Long story)

I saw this patron at the club often buying a hundred pack of one dollar bills.

He would break open the pack and toss them all up in the air and shout **"Let it Rain"**

All the girls would scramble to pick up all the money and all you saw was ass and titts eveywhere for about 20 second...

Aladdin has been banned from the magic carpet race.

Apparently he's been using performance enhancing rugs.

I made a little sandcastle with my grandpa.

Now I'm banned from the crematorium.

I was banned from the airport last week

Apparently security doesn't like it when you call shotgun while boarding the plane

I have the heart of a lion.

And a lifetime ban from the zoo.

I’m banned for life from acting in our production of Romeo and Juliet, just because I misunderstood the stage directions.

It said, [Enter Juliet from the rear]

Just A Man Shopping With His Wife

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to the local grocery store. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the follow...

Did you hear about tandem camping being banned in all national parks?

Turned out it was two in tents to be allowed.

what do you get if you nut and fart at the same time?

banned from the supermarket

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Did you hear they banned all porn from the internet?

I don't know what this world is cumming to.

What do you get when you put human DNA in a goat?

Banned from the petting zoo.

Two Redneck Eagles are drinking in a bar

One turns to the other, with his leg out, and says “ You hear bout that Talon ban in the Middle East?”

Why was the cat banned from running the race?

Because he was a cheetah.

Why God? Why?

One day a fellow was watching Fox News and learned about a new virus that was rapidly spreading and quickly killing those who got sick with it. The nightly news reports got worse and worse, this Covid-19 virus was spreading around the world and killing increasingly large numbers of people. But he wa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Now that Trump has been banned from Twitter, we finally learned the past tense of the verb "Tweet."

Twat

You might be a lame news network if

you get banned from a courtroom for stalking the jurors.

They can no longer count animals in Afghanistan

Because there is a tally-ban

Why'd the gardener get banned from the hospital?

He kept watering the vegetables.

President Trump just banned shredded cheeses.

He wants to Make America Grate Again

Joke from my 12 year old “why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?”

Because they’re so good at it!

Please don’t ban me

TIL why scuba divers fall backwards out of the boat.

Because if they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat.

Please don't ban me.

What did the Afghans get when too many of them were counting?

The tally ban.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear the government is banning participation trophies?

They start taking down all confederate statues next week.

Uninvited Guest

A Montana cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud toward him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the law that bans anal sex?

It's a law that I can't get behind.

Why are voting results inaccurate in Afghanistan?

It's because of the tally ban.

Chess is banned under Islam

They hate that the queen moves freely.

What do you get if you mix human DNA and whale DNA?

Banned from Seaworld



Cake day so time to Karma Farm, and I can't see this joke posted

Why was the referee banned from the arena?

For their foul language.

Russia is considering banning the internet for most people, replacing it with a limited Russian propaganda version...

It will be called the InterNYET.

Vaccinating your kid is like banning fire from a gas station

A good idea

Because of his loss in Wisconsin, Trump has put a ban on all shredded cheese.

It's the only way he can make America GRATE again.

Credit to my 12 year old son.

I hear they’re having trouble keeping track of people in Afghanistan

Now that there’s a tally ban

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When social media bans female boobs, but not men's, it shows a real intolerance...

lactose intolerance.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A girl once asked me if I was a breast or legs guy...

I told her I was more into anal and feet. Now I’m banned from KFC.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a conservative prostitute that gets banned from twitter?

A Parler trick

A clever Russian is planning on a streaming service exclusively for banned films.

He's going to call it Nyetflix.

It’s no longer legal to use hash marks to count in Afghanistan

This is because of the new tally ban rule.

Why were kids banned from watching a pirate film

Because it was rated rrrrrrrrr

There was an FBI agent named Craig.

Craig's job was checking furniture that people sell online to see if there's nothing illegal in it.

However, Craig had a weird habit - instead of tracking all illegal items, he had a document with every single legal piece of furniture that people sold, and he was removing items from there if ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The government has decided to ban all alcohol adverts on pornography websites

When asked, an official commented:

'We made this decision for the wellbeing of the kids who watch it'

I banned my wife from singing Cascada, but I think she is singing it behind my back.

She denies it of course, but everytime we touch I get a feeling

Netflix and Amazon Prime are no longer available in Afghanistan.

Because of the telly ban.

Due to covid-19.

Sweet Caroline is banned.

There will be: No touching hands, reaching out, touching me,

touching you..

They have had to cancel this years Census in Afghanistan

This is directly due to the tally-ban

A thug walks into a bar.

He sees a lone man sitting in front of his beer, crying.
He walks up to him, pushes him off the chair, slaps him left and right in the face and drinks his beer.

The man then started crying even louder and sobbing in absolute desperation.
The thug, annoyed, yelled: Why are you crying lik...

The Muslim Ban

Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all Muslims had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Muslim community, so the Pope offered a deal. He'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Muslim community. If the Muslims won, they could stay in Italy; an...

I had a nightmare that my TikTok account got banned

For a second, i was really scared that i had TikTok

I got banned from laser tag today.

Apparently they frown on using a knife to save ammo.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Are people born with photographic memories?

Or do they take a while to develop?

Why the fuck are you morons spending real money on Reddit awards? Fucking STOP it. Reddit admins do NOT deserve any kind of money at all. The just banned 200 odd subreddits - and you fucking halfwits want to reward them for it.

Fuck's sake.

I COMPLETELY disagree with Trump's military trans ban...

I mean, wouldn't all those attack helicopters be useful??

One thing surprising is that they don't have television in Afghanastan

It's because of the Tele-ban

Apparently I’ve been banned from the gas station for playing ‘The Who’ too loudly on my car stereo...

I won't get fueled again.

64AD: Nero bans the practice of christianity through the roman empire

christians: i can’t believe this

romans: correct

What happened to the transphobic subs during the ban wave?

They got TERFed out.

If Reddit gets banned it will ruin everyone's life,

Including Redditors.

Why was the red blood cell banned from church today?

Because he said God's name in vein.

Why am I being banned from the pool?!

Because you're peeing in it.
But everyone pees in the pool!
Yes, but not from the diving board.

I think it's a bit harsh to criticise Trump for trying to ban the export of masks

He's just following medical advice and trying to keep 3M away from everyone else

Apparently NASCAR is banning all Confederate flags from its races.

But how will drivers know they’ve entered the last lap of the race? 🏳

Decided to go to the gym.

I noticed a hole in my trainer, just big enough to get my finger in...


Anyway, she's made a formal complaint, and I'm now banned for life.

Why US politicians are banned from plastic surgeries?

Can’t find any tools to cut open their skins

An Arthur episode was banned in Alabama

In the episode the kids learn that their favorite teacher is about to get married and follow him around they see him meet a woman who they assume is his wife. They don’t like her so they try to stop the wedding. In the end it turns out that the woman was his sister and that their teacher was marryin...

How Does Leah Like Her Bathwater?

Luke-warm

My 9yo came up with this, don't ban me please lol

A joke by Max Millar that got him banned from the BBC for 5 years in 1944

"I met a beautiful woman on a mountain trail. I didn't know whether to block her passage or toss myself off."


Reference: QI, S18E01

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Husband and Wife

A woman woke up and told her husband about a dream she'd just had. "I was at an auction for Peni$es. The big ones sold for $1000 and the tiny ones for $10."

Husband: "What about one my size?"

Wife: "Didn't get a bid!"

Pissed off and wanting revenge, the next morning he told his ...

Edibles

A town banned marijuana so they fed it to the cattle. The steaks have never been higher.

I just got banned from /r/fashion

Apparently they didn't like my threads

The military was trying to ban transpeople from joining..

..which I find wasteful considering a portion of them are x-men.

What do you get when you cross a bat and a man?

A ban. Specifically, a lifetime ban from the genetics labs, as well as a visit from the ethics committee.

What do you call cancer when it achieves sentience?

A reddit mod.

(doubt this will prevent it form being deleted and myself banned, but this 'attack' is quite impersonal)

Have you heard they’ve banned accounting in Afghanistan??

Apparently there’s a Tally Ban.

So NASCAR has decided to ban confederate flags at all events...

Looks like all those years of turning left rubbed off on them.

Did you hear Karen was banned from the zoo?

She took a fence.

Why is Trump excited Russia was banned from the 2018 Winter Olympics?

It makes it easier to decide who to cheer for

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bloke goes into a pub, and the barmaid asks what he wants. "I want to bury my face in your cleavage and lick the sweat from between your tits" he says....

...."You dirty pig!" shouts the barmaid, "get out before I get my husband."


The bloke apologizes and promises not to repeat his gaffe. The Barmaid accepts this and asks him again what he wants. "I want to pull your pants down, spread yoghurt between the cheeks of your ass and lick it al...

Petition to ban all r/Fencing members from r/Jokes

Too many ripostes.

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I think Tumblr banning porn has already backfired

Now more of their users are getting off than ever.

How‘s a ban on watching TV called in Russia?

Nyetflix

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have 4 big problems

1. My wife has been complaining that lately I’ve been moaning and orgasming furiously in my sleep, it apparently happens every night at this point.

2. I have Narcolepsy and it’s so bad that if I stay still in one spot for more then 10-15 minutes I’ll be out like a light.

3. My hair gro...

NASCAR can't ban the confederate flag

They wave it every race with one lap to go!

Why are surgeons banned from karaoke bars?

Things tend to get messy on "Open Mic" night.

Germany has banned the word good

Apparently they're going Guten free.

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