I got banned from /r/Jokes for posting, "Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms!"

Mods said I'm a cereal reposter...

I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.

Not on my watch.

so i heard they banned gambling at the zoo

too many cheetahs!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Now that Trump has been banned from Twitter, we finally learned the past tense of the verb "Tweet."

Twat

Russia is considering banning the internet for most people, replacing it with a limited Russian propaganda version...

It will be called the InterNYET.

I once had an offer to join a secret club, where anyone who asked questions would be permanently banned.

I said, "Sure, why not?"

Why was the referee banned from the arena?

For their foul language.

What do you get if you mix human DNA and whale DNA?

Banned from Seaworld



Cake day so time to Karma Farm, and I can't see this joke posted

Vaccinating your kid is like banning fire from a gas station

A good idea

Joke from my 12 year old “why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?”

Because they’re so good at it!

Please don’t ban me

I banned my wife from singing Cascada, but I think she is singing it behind my back.

She denies it of course, but everytime we touch I get a feeling

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a conservative prostitute that gets banned from twitter?

A Parler trick

Why were kids banned from watching a pirate film

Because it was rated rrrrrrrrr

Why'd the gardener get banned from the hospital?

He kept watering the vegetables.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Did you hear they banned all porn from the internet?

I don't know what this world is cumming to.

I’m banned for life from acting in our production of Romeo and Juliet, just because I misunderstood the stage directions.

It said, [Enter Juliet from the rear]

Why was Aladdin banned from taking part in the magic carpet race?

He was caught using performance-enhancing rugs.

Because of his loss in Wisconsin, Trump has put a ban on all shredded cheese.

It's the only way he can make America GRATE again.

Credit to my 12 year old son.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the law that bans anal sex?

It's a law that I can't get behind.

A clever Russian is planning on a streaming service exclusively for banned films.

He's going to call it Nyetflix.

Why was the red blood cell banned from church today?

Because he said God's name in vein.

Can we ban "Yo Momma" jokes from this sub? They're old, stupid, and have been done by literally everyone hundreds of times

Just like yo momma.

Why US politicians are banned from plastic surgeries?

Can’t find any tools to cut open their skins

Oh sure, when Thor throws a hammer, he's a hero!

But when I do it, I'm "out of control" and "banned from home depot!"

I was banned from the airport last week.

Security doesn't really like it when you call "shotgun" on the plane.

Why did Christians ban weed?

Because after you smoke it God isn't the highest in the world

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Are people born with photographic memories?

Or do they take a while to develop?

Why the fuck are you morons spending real money on Reddit awards? Fucking STOP it. Reddit admins do NOT deserve any kind of money at all. The just banned 200 odd subreddits - and you fucking halfwits want to reward them for it.

Fuck's sake.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The government has decided to ban all alcohol adverts on pornography websites

When asked, an official commented:

'We made this decision for the wellbeing of the kids who watch it'

The censorship is getting out of hand, they're banning everyone named Anna!

This is banannas!

I have the heart of a lion...

And a lifetime ban from the zoo.

A very common male fantasy is to have 2 women at the same time

One to cook, one to clean..


Ok ban me but joke is funny.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A girl once asked me if I was a breast or legs guy...

I told her I was more into anal and feet. Now I’m banned from KFC.

Why am I being banned from the pool?!

Because you're peeing in it.
But everyone pees in the pool!
Yes, but not from the diving board.

If Reddit gets banned it will ruin everyone's life,

Including Redditors.

64AD: Nero bans the practice of christianity through the roman empire

christians: i can’t believe this

romans: correct

Apparently I’ve been banned from the gas station for playing ‘The Who’ too loudly on my car stereo...

I won't get fueled again.

I heard that Trump is going to ban Tik Tok..

What did Ke$ha ever do to him?

What happened to the transphobic subs during the ban wave?

They got TERFed out.

Join my new national campaign and ban pre-grated cheese.

so we can make Britan grate again

Did you hear Karen was banned from the zoo?

She took a fence.

Apparently NASCAR is banning all Confederate flags from its races.

But how will drivers know they’ve entered the last lap of the race? 🏳

I went to Dunkin Donuts and ordered 4 blueberry donuts and the cashier asked if I wanna box....

...I've been banned for life from that shop.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Husband and Wife

A woman woke up and told her husband about a dream she'd just had. "I was at an auction for Peni$es. The big ones sold for $1000 and the tiny ones for $10."

Husband: "What about one my size?"

Wife: "Didn't get a bid!"

Pissed off and wanting revenge, the next morning he told his ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When social media bans female boobs, but not men's, it shows a real intolerance...

lactose intolerance.

I had a nightmare that my TikTok account got banned

For a second, i was really scared that i had TikTok

An Arthur episode was banned in Alabama

In the episode the kids learn that their favorite teacher is about to get married and follow him around they see him meet a woman who they assume is his wife. They don’t like her so they try to stop the wedding. In the end it turns out that the woman was his sister and that their teacher was marryin...

Why are surgeons banned from karaoke bars?

Things tend to get messy on "Open Mic" night.

Why is it so hard to do inventory in Afghanistan?

Because of the tally-ban.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear the government is banning participation trophies?

They start taking down all confederate statues next week.

What's the difference between Logan Paul and BTS?

One is a boy banned from Asia and the other is a boy band from Asia

Germany has banned the word good

Apparently they're going Guten free.

A joke by Max Millar that got him banned from the BBC for 5 years in 1944

"I met a beautiful woman on a mountain trail. I didn't know whether to block her passage or toss myself off."


Reference: QI, S18E01

From my 8 year old...

What do you get when you mix a Christmas tree and an IPad? A pineapple.

Don't ban me please.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Which sex position is explicitly banned in the South?

Reverse Cowgirl.

Can't turn your back on family.

I think it's a bit harsh to criticise Trump for trying to ban the export of masks

He's just following medical advice and trying to keep 3M away from everyone else

So NASCAR has decided to ban confederate flags at all events...

Looks like all those years of turning left rubbed off on them.

If Trump banned Tik Tok because it's made in China

Why doesn’t he just ban the Corona Virus?

Chess is banned under Islam

They hate that the queen moves freely.

NASCAR can't ban the confederate flag

They wave it every race with one lap to go!

I got banned from Olive Garden for eating too much breadsticks

“*how many did you eat?**”
“Olive them.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Smashed up a Vietnamese bakery today

They had no choice but to Ban Mi

I saw my friends having a screaming match with each other so I told them, “Remember, argue with facts and not curses.”

So now I’m APPARENTLY banned from the Witches Gatherings from now on.

Why was google translate banned in North-Korea?

The speech option was free

I got banned from the secret cooking society…

For spilling the beans.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just got banned from the hardware store...

Some dickhead in an apron came up to me and asked if I needed decking. Lucky I got the first punch in

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bloke goes into a pub, and the barmaid asks what he wants. "I want to bury my face in your cleavage and lick the sweat from between your tits" he says....

...."You dirty pig!" shouts the barmaid, "get out before I get my husband."


The bloke apologizes and promises not to repeat his gaffe. The Barmaid accepts this and asks him again what he wants. "I want to pull your pants down, spread yoghurt between the cheeks of your ass and lick it al...

My friend was angry when NASCAR banned the Confederate flag from the races

But he got angrier when I pointed out they still wave it on the final lap every race

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is P0rnhubs number 1 user Darth Maul?

(I’m gonna get banned for this) Because he’s really horny

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

We really shouldn't be surprised that NASCAR banned the Confederate flag and is participating in charity auctions for pride month

They've been going left for years

Did you hear that NASCAR is banning the Confederate Flag?

**They should ban the Finish Flag, it has a "Checkered" past.**

Petition to ban all r/Fencing members from r/Jokes

Too many ripostes.

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I tried to make a LGBTQ+ joke

But nobody got it straight

Here comes my ban.......

I saw a giant mouse so I tried killing it with a baseball bat

So now I have a lifetime ban from Disneyland

The military was trying to ban transpeople from joining..

..which I find wasteful considering a portion of them are x-men.

I got banned from laser tag today.

Apparently they frown on using a knife to save ammo.

What do you call it when an authoritarian state bans alcohol?

Teetotaltarianism.

People that don't know the difference between two, to, and too should be banned from this website.

Their so freaking stupid!

How many redditors does it take to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

17 purists who use candles and...

Have you heard they’ve banned accounting in Afghanistan??

Apparently there’s a Tally Ban.

The Catholic Church banned plastic bags from its premises.

They consider them to be sac-religious.

I COMPLETELY disagree with Trump's military trans ban...

I mean, wouldn't all those attack helicopters be useful??

The Muslim Ban

Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all Muslims had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Muslim community, so the Pope offered a deal. He'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Muslim community. If the Muslims won, they could stay in Italy; an...

My grandfather used to say " never bring a knife to a gunfight"!!

He was right. The paintball arena banned me for life.

I saw my old friend enter the bar

I saw my old friend enter the bar after 2 long years. Ever since he got married he hasnt shown his face around here so i was quite surprised to see him again. I asked him whats the occasion and he responded:

“So my wife actually banned me from going here, she says that she doesnt like my frie...

I just got banned from /r/fashion

Apparently they didn't like my threads

My Mexican father was ranting today that because our city has banned gatherings of more than 100 people due to the Coronavirus

We have to take two cars to go out to dinner as a family.

How‘s a ban on watching TV called in Russia?

Nyetflix

The government just banned the fifth month of the calendar year.

Everyone was dismayed.

The girl I had a crush on asked me to make an account on tik tok and follow her.

My country banned Tik tok the very next day.

Why is fruit squash banned in Germany?

They have a bad history with concentrated juice

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I think Tumblr banning porn has already backfired

Now more of their users are getting off than ever.

jokes go brrrrrrrr

**what do you get when you make a whale and an octopus fight?**

banned from the aquarium

Banned

Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Para-Olympics after they tested positive for WD-40.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Rabbi and priest are on a plane

When priest turns to rabbi and says "Say, I heard you guys can't eat pork. Is that true?" Rabbi nods: "Yes, it's banned in Torah." "And have you ever tried it?" asks the priest. "Yes" admits the rabbi. "When I was young I wanted to see what's all about and had some pork chops. Priest smirks. "And yo...

The Horse Challenge (LONG)

Every year, during fair season, a local farmer takes his horse and sets up a booth at various fairs. The rules are simple and the reward is great; make his horse nod yes and then shake his head no- doing this earns a $500 prize.

As it so happens fair season is in full swing, and the farmer...

I got banned from /r/explainlikeimfive

I answered "Shut up and go to your room because I said so."

I got banned from yet ANOTHER gas station!

What is so wrong with wanting to try on the condoms before buying?!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After the abortion ban in Alabama yesterday, my girlfriend is too scared to even have sex with me

Too bad my other sister isn't helping out either.

r/TheLegoMovie was banned about a month ago

I wonder what horrible things they did to get blocked.

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