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Fairly Jokes

I need a few brief jokes to tell to a group of elderly people. The punchlines need to be easily understood, and they need to be clean and not making fun of anyone with any kind of disability. Have any brief and fairly original jokes?

This one is good, although I’ll probably have to emphasize the ‘mispronouncing words’ part, and instead of blonde, the dummy will be me:

*A blonde is flying in a Boeing for the first time. She starts jumping on her seat shouting "Boeing Boeing Boeing".
The pilot, clearly annoyed by this, w...

An old joke from Isaac Asimov(fairly long).

As is well known, in this thirtieth century of ours, space travel is fearfully dull and time-consuming. In search of diversion, many crew Members defy the quarantine restrictions and pick up pets from the various habitable worlds they explore.

Jim Sloane had a rockette, which he called Teddy....

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A guy is fairly new at his job and he says to his boss at the end of the day "I won't be here tomorrow, boss, I'm sick."

A guy is fairly new at his job and he says to his boss at the end of the day "I won't be here tomorrow, boss, I'm sick." The boss thought he was joking and paid it no mind.
The next day, sure enough he wasn't at work. The boss calls him and says "What are you doing? Why aren't you at work?:
...

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Upstairs in our house is cleaned fairly well.

The basement is another story.

What’s a fairly common work duty that everyone seems to hate, but a pimp might enjoy having?

Doing Inventory.

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Just a little update on the situation with my son because some of you have been fairly concerned.

He has taken going to jail pretty hard. He is refusing all food, spitting and screaming at everyone and is threatening violence at anyone who comes near him. He has smeared the walls with his shit and is refusing to wear any clothes.

As a family we are united in our decision not to play Mo...

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I have no problem buying Tampons for my wife, I’m a fairly modern man

But apparently, they don’t make a great birthday present.

Fairly Dry, Fairly Dark

I honestly don't think people should be covering up their bodies. I don't think people should hide their bodies away from society. No. I think that people need to dispose of their bodies safely, with Lye or perhaps some sort of Acid. Because really, any evidence is too much evidence these days.

It's fairly normal if you talk to your dolls and toys.

It's totally not if they talk back.

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One of the fairly ok jokes I know

So there's a radio station contest and you need to ring in with a made up word, the two criterion being: you need to be able to use it in a sentence and it needs to not be in the dictionary.

(RA - radio announcer, C - caller)


RA: Hello? We have our first caller on the line! Please ...

Hello..! fairly new here to /r/Jokes. Thought I might drop you all a short note.

Staccato

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I was fairly confident that the German prostitute was actually a man, but I hired them anyway in case I was wrong.

I was hoping for the breast but expecting the wurst.

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Little Timothy was a bright young boy, and he was even fairly handsome.

The only problem was that he was lost his eye in a fishing accident when he was younger. His family was too poor to afford a glass eye, so his grandfather whittled him a wooden one.

He was made fun of all through school for his eye and it completely destroyed his self esteem.

But he wa...

The UK's response to COVID 19 is fairly confused after tonight's announcement.

We don't know our R's from our elbows

Regarding myself: I must confess to my one and only draw-back, and it's a fairly massive one...

It's my foreskin.

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I started my fairly new job at Starbucks a couple month ago...

When this smoking hot girl comes in I mean an absolute babe! Luscious blonde hair, green eyes, perfect lashes, long legs with the shortest skirt I have seen, a belly button piercing with a stomach you could crack a walnut on and a push up bra that was holding the world up, I was in shock and speechl...

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A woman approaches a man wearing a velvet suit sitting in a fairly crowded bar.

“Hi, my name is Carmen because I’m into cars and men.” says the woman in a flirtatious tone.

The man, seemingly sloshed, looks at her and says, “Hey I’m BeerPussy, can I get you a drink?”

Working at the Unemployment Office must be a fairly intense job.

Because if you get fired, you have to come in again the next day.

I wrote a play about pasta and fairly won an award

Didn't even have to rig a Tony

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Joe is a fairly respected member of the community

He has always follow the rules and did the right thing. Wanting to expand his horizons he decided to experience a little bit of the seedier aspects of life. He had settled on finding himself a prostitute. As he was walking down a dimmly lit street, a hushed voiced whispered to him, "twenty bucks a...

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A guy goes to Africa to teach a Native tribe how to speak English

The guy said to the chief "lion" and the chief would say Lion. The guy said "Tiger" and the chief said tiger. After a couple weeks the chief was understanding English fairly well.

The man and the chief are having a stroll down a pathway when they see a man a woman having sex in the bushes. ...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side.

I don’t know if anyone else has had this experience, but I was today years old when I realized that this joke is actually a fairly clever double entendre. I always thought it was a dumb “of course” punchline and it never remotely occurred to me that it had to do wit...

Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race

Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race to see who's the fastest

Trump went first and he ran from the start to the finish line in 23:34 minutes

Clinton went second and got 15:28 minutes

Obama went after and did 10 minutes, thinking he may have won, Obama...

A boy paid a girl $10 to climb a flagpole...

She agrees and climbs the flagpole. When she gets home she tells her mother what happened. Her mother said "honey, he just wanted to see your underwear." The next day the same boy was standing by the flagpole and said "I will give you $20 to climb the flagpole." Again she agrees and climbs. She goes...

An Innuit is out fishing in his canoe one day, feeling fairly miserable because he's cold and he hasn't caught anything...

Suddenly, he hits upon the idea of lighting a camping stove in the bottom of the boat so that he can stay warm, and cook his catch at the same time. However, before too long, the canoe hits a large wave, causing the stove to tip over and start a fire in the canoe. Not wishing to get burned, the Innu...

I'm fairly tall so folks are always asking me "Do you play basketball?"

My standard reply: "No, do you play miniature golf?"

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