This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have a new party trick. I swallow two bits of string and an hour later they come out my arse tied together...

I shit you knot!

Good ol’ Russian joke

Stalin appears to Putin in a dream and says: “I have two bits of advice for you: kill off all your opponents and paint the Kremlin blue.”

Putin asks, “Why blue?”

Stalin: "I knew you would not object to the first one."

My girlfriend said, "If you don't quit drinking, I'll leave you."

I never expect to hear two bits of good news in one day.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to the doctor..

After running tests the doctor says to the guy, "I'm sorry but I have two bits of bad news."

"The first is that you have cancer."

Guy goes "Well shit. What's the other bad news?"

Doctor says, "You have Alzheimer's."

Guy says, "Well, at least I don't have cancer."

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