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Urinal Jokes

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Two elderly Jewish strangers are standing at adjacent urinals

In a kosher deli in Miami Beach.
Abe: "You're from Brooklyn, aren't you?"

Eli (startled and puzzled) "Yes, but how..."
Abe: "And you attended Temple Beth Shalom, right?"

Eli: "That's remarkable!"

Abe: "And you were circumcised by Rabbi Boronofski, right?"

Eli: "This...

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A man was having a pee at a urinal in Jamaica when a local man joined him..

"What is that tattoo you have on your penis?" Says the local man

"Oh, it says WY now because it was the name of my ex girlfriend, Wendy, so when I get an erection it says her name.." says the man.

"Take a look at this" the Jamaican shows the man his penis, also having WY on his penis.....

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A man is peeing at a urinal…

When he hears someone smash the bathroom door open.

A huge man steps into the bathroom and growls like a maniac. The dude takes out his penis and it’s a monster! This beast of a man swings his penis like a bat and slams it into a stall door. The door explodes!

The man at the ...

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An American sailor walks up to a urinal and starts peeing...

... A few seconds later, a fellow Irish sailor goes to the urinal next to him and starts peeing. The American's eyes start to wander, and he can't help but look down at the Irish man's penis and notice a "W" and "Y" tattooed down there. "I'm really sorry that I looked over," says the American, "bu...

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NSFW - Leprechaun at a urinal

So this guy Jimmy is on a road trip home from college when he stops at a rest stop to relieve himself. As he enters the bathroom he notices a leprechaun at the urinals. He walks up to the urinal next to it and starts doing his business, but while doing so cant help but notice that this leprechaun ha...

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Elevators are a lot like urinals

Everyone’s looking down, nobody’s making eye contact, and my penis is exposed.

Theres a guy at the urinal having a leak. A black guy rushes in to the urinal beside him.

He looks over and says to the guy beside him "Wow, I just made it."

The other guy looks down at the black guy and says to him "Can you make me one in white?"

It’s okay to say “hi” to the man in the adjoining urinal

It’s even okay to ask him how his day is

It’s not okay to say, “Hi, nice watch!”

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What's the difference between a urinal and a desk?

Everything you fucking sicko!

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A man decided to tattoo his wife's name on his penis before going to their honeymoon

When erect it proudly reads *Wendy* on the side of his shaft, but when soft it only shows *Wy*.

While on his honeymoon in the Caribbean, he is using the bathroom and notices the guy in the urinal next to him also has a *Wy* on his penis. He then asks the guy if his wife is named Wendy.
...

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At the urinal

Two man, pissing side by side.

"Sorry sir, do you happen to be of the Jewish faith?"

"Erh... yes I am."

"You are from Krakow?"

"Yes."

"And did you always go to the small synagogue in the Lipowitz Street?"

"Yes, do we know each other?"

"I don't think s...

The tale of the Golden Urinal

A guy comes home completely drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy. "Where the hell have you been all night?" she demands. "At this fantastic new bar," he says. "The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. It's got huge golde...

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A man in his 50's visits the doctor.

"I just can't take it anymore, doc," he says, wincing. "I stand at the urinal for 20 minutes and nothing happens. Is there something I can take?"

"I'll tell you what you can take," the doctor snarls. "A cold dose of reality! Do you have *any* idea what's happening out there?! Global warming i...

so i was in a urinal in the carribbean

And on my love muscle i have my GFs name Wendy tattoed. I was in the urinal next to this dark guy who had the letters W and Y tattooed on his love muscle. I asked him if he had a gf called Wendy as well, he said "Na man. It says Welcome to Jamaica, have a nice stay"

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Three automobile managers at the urinal

The first goes to the sink and dries his hands with so many paper towels that not even the smallest droplet remains. "At Opel, we learn to be extremely thorough," he says.


The second uses only one towel for this and remarks: "At BMW, we also learn to be extremely efficient."


T...

I saw 3 men standing at the urinals.

The first man, a Jewish guy, was peeing 4 streams.
"What happened to you?" I asked.

He explained "Accident at my circumcision. The rabbi had Parkinson's."

The next man, a big tough trucker, was peeing 6 streams.
"And what is your problem?" I asked.

He grunted "I had a fig...

I went to a public bathroom and saw a guy with no arms standing at the urinal. [Long] [NSFW]

After a few seconds of waiting my turn, I realized that nothing was happening. He was just standing there, looking down.

"Umm, everything alright?" I asked him.

"Yeah, just got a slight problem here." he said, nodding towards his zipper.

I guess it's the humanitarian in me tha...

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I found a fly on the edge of the urinal today

I pissed him off

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Golden Urinals

So a man is always cheating on his wife. She finally gets fed up with him and says the next time he gives her a lame excuse, she is going to leave him. A few days later he comes home extremely late.
"So what's the excuse this time," she said.
"Hey, I was drinking all night with my buddies. I...

The golden urinal

Late one night, a husband returned home from the bar. His wife woke up, and turned on the lights, angry her husband was out late drinking again.
“Where were you”
“Just wait, Honey! I can explain. I didn’t go to my normal bar tonight. I went to this really fancy one with urinals made of gold”...

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Please don't throw cigarette butts in urinals.

It makes them soggy and hard to light.

Three friends celebrate with a night on the town...

Three friends celebrate with a night on the town. The day after, hung over, the three friends meet.

The first friend says, "I can't believe how much we drank last night! I was so drunk, I blew chunks!"

The second friend shakes his head and says, "You think that's bad? I got so drunk...

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2 Guys At A Urinal NSFW

Bob goes into the public restroom and sees this guy standing next to the urinal. The guy has no arms. As Bob's standing there, taking care of business, he wonders to himself how the poor wretch is going to take a leak.
Bob finishes and starts to leave when the man asks Bob to help him out. Being ...

Urinals Too High

A group of 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack, (Churchill Downs) to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry (Bourbon), but mostly to see the horses.
When it was time to take the children to the bathro...

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I got drunk and fell into the urinal.

I'm pretty pissed.

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Picking the middle urinal

...is a real dick move.

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Four soldiers are in a public bathroom...

An American soldier steps away from the urinal, turns on the water, uses five or six pumps or soap to wash his hands and takes a big wad of paper towels to dry them. He says to the others, "in the US Army, we are taught to use what we have to to get the job done".

A German soldier backs away ...

Written above a urinal.

The jokes not here it's in your hand.

Reading the wall at the urinal...

"Why are you reading this? The joke is in your hand."

I thought, yep. Mine's a real kneeslapper.

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A man enters a public toilet and walks to a urinal.

At the adjacent urinal to him is a man with no hands, who is really having trouble trying to take a piss.
After a while of noticing the man's struggle, the guy offers some assistance.
The man with no hands thanks him and accepts the help. He asks if he can take out his penis and aim it at the...

How do you evaluate a urinal?

Peer reviews

What did the Scotsman say to the Frenchman at the urinal?

Oui oui.

I went to the Urinal in a bar today

The guy standing next to me said “is this six feet?”. I looked down and said “Mate, you’re lucky if that’s six inches”

A man walks into a French man in a urinal

“Sorry!” He says, “I didn’t realise European!”

Screw dudes who throw cigarettes into urinals

Makes them so difficult to re-light.

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In which city you will only find urinals in men's toilet?

Detroit, cause you can't get shit in Detroit.

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This actually happened, and I’m sorry if the joke exists, i dont kno about it and I’m proud.

So I was at a bar, for a long long time. And I went to the bathroom to the urinal, and went about my business.

A drunk as hell guy comes in and goes to the urinal next to me to unleash, and says

“Why you holding on to your dick, is it so small you can’t aim?”

And I INS...

Why didn’t the restaurants bathroom have urinals?

It was a sit-down restaurant

If they found the captain's log in Picard's bathroom, what did they find in the second officers urinal?

Data stream

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A Rabbi steps up to a urinal.

As he begins to urinate, a voice beside him says, "My friend, you are a Jew!"



Slightly surprised, he replies, "Okay, so you're some kind of genius. You see my clothing, and my..." (he gestures to his crotch) "... and you figure I'm a Jew. Please let me finish in peace!"


...

They recently removed the urinal from our mens washroom at work...

I really miss that urinal. I mean I missed it once in awhile when it was there... But now I really miss it!

An American starts using a urinal next to an Englishman

The American turns to him and says "Hey European"

The Englishman replies "I know"

do you know how gandalf uses a urinal?

well first he opens his fly, you fools

Two Jewish Guys at the Urinal

There were two Jewish guys next to each other at the urinals. The guy on the right turns to other and asks: "You were circumcised by Rabbi Brown, weren't you?"

"I was! How did you know?"

"You're peeing on my shoe."

Two educated men are in a public restroom

One finishes at the urinal and proceeds to walk out the bathroom door

"Hey!" the other man calls "What college do you go to?"

"Yale" the man replies

"Don't they teach you to wash your hands at Yale?" the other man says with a smirk

"What college do YOU go to?" he asks
...

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A morbidly obese guy goes into a public restroom to do his business

As he is standing there, a rather rude guy occupies the next urinal. The second guy looks over at the fist and in an extremely uncouth manner exclaims, "Holy shit!!! You are huge !!! How much do you weigh?"

The first guys says, "around 375."

Second guys says, "Damn, that's a lot!! When...

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A man standing at the urinal looks over and sees a Leprechaun

At the urinal next to his. The Leprechaun has a massively huge dick, the guy asks "Hey how did you get your dick so big?". The Leprechaun says, "I'm a Leprechaun, I can have whatever I want.". Pressing, the man says, "How could I make mine that large?". The Leprechaun replies, "If you let me put my ...

Two men stand next to each other at a urinal...

One looks to the other and says "Can you guess where I'm from?"
The other guy looks to him, giving him a once over and says: "Well I can clearly see European."

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Three Men Were Using Urinals In a Public Restroom

The first man finished relieving himself, zipped up, strolled to the sinks and proceeded to wash his hands, using plenty of soap and water and doing a splendidly thorough job.
As he was drying his hands (with lots of paper towels), he loftily announced to no one in particular "At Harvard, I lear...

Why did you destroy that urinal cake?

Peer pressure

Hey guys please stop putting half-smoked cigarettes in the urinal

It makes them soggy and makes them hard t light up.

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This white dude gets engaged, and decides to take a solo vacation to Jamaica.

Before he leaves, he gets his fiancé’s name, Wendy, tattooed on his prick. He has the tattoo artist make it so, that when he’s flaccid, his tattoo would spell WNY. When he was erect, it would spell out her full name. He arrives in Jamaica, and is having the time of his life. While at one of the nude...

All the urinals have been stolen from the local police department

The police say they have nothing to go on.

(Source: Mother Goose & Grimm comic strip)

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A white guy and a black guy are at a urinal.

As the white guy is peeing, he's looking at the tattoo on his dick. It's the letters W and Y. Then he glances over and notices the black guy has the exact same one.

They zip up and the white guys says: I noticed you have WY tattooed on your dick. So do I. Mine is because my girlfriend's name ...

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A white man is at a urinal..

He is urinating beside this big muscly 6'4 black man and cant help but look down. To his amazement he witnesses a monster cock and cant help but ask the black man how that was possible. "Im sorry but how is it that big?!" He said in awe. The black man replied "when i was young i used to tie weights ...

Here is an actual sign posted in a golf club.

1. Back straight, knees bent.
2. Feet shoulder width apart.
3. Form a loose grip.
4. Keep your head down!
5. Stay out of the water.
6. Try not to hit anyone.
7. If you are taking too long, let others go ahead of you.
8. Don't stand directly in front of others.
9. Quiet please...

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