The 55+ Best Urinal Jokes

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A man was having a pee at a urinal in Jamaica when a local man joined him..

"What is that tattoo you have on your penis?" Says the local man

"Oh, it says WY now because it was the name of my ex girlfriend, Wendy, so when I get an erection it says her name.." says the man.

"Take a look at this" the Jamaican shows the man his penis, also having WY on his penis.....

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An American sailor walks up to a urinal and starts peeing...

... A few seconds later, a fellow Irish sailor goes to the urinal next to him and starts peeing. The American's eyes start to wander, and he can't help but look down at the Irish man's penis and notice a "W" and "Y" tattooed down there. "I'm really sorry that I looked over," says the American, "bu...

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A man is peeing at a urinal…

When he hears someone smash the bathroom door open.

A huge man steps into the bathroom and growls like a maniac. The dude takes out his penis and it’s a monster! This beast of a man swings his penis like a bat and slams it into a stall door. The door explodes!

The man at the ...

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Two elderly Jewish strangers are standing at adjacent urinals

In a kosher deli in Miami Beach.
Abe: "You're from Brooklyn, aren't you?"

Eli (startled and puzzled) "Yes, but how..."
Abe: "And you attended Temple Beth Shalom, right?"

Eli: "That's remarkable!"

Abe: "And you were circumcised by Rabbi Boronofski, right?"

Eli: "This...

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NSFW - Leprechaun at a urinal

So this guy Jimmy is on a road trip home from college when he stops at a rest stop to relieve himself. As he enters the bathroom he notices a leprechaun at the urinals. He walks up to the urinal next to it and starts doing his business, but while doing so cant help but notice that this leprechaun ha...

Theres a guy at the urinal having a leak. A black guy rushes in to the urinal beside him.

He looks over and says to the guy beside him "Wow, I just made it."

The other guy looks down at the black guy and says to him "Can you make me one in white?"

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Elevators are a lot like urinals

Everyone’s looking down, nobody’s making eye contact, and my penis is exposed.

I went to a public bathroom and saw a guy with no arms standing at the urinal. [Long] [NSFW]

After a few seconds of waiting my turn, I realized that nothing was happening. He was just standing there, looking down.

"Umm, everything alright?" I asked him.

"Yeah, just got a slight problem here." he said, nodding towards his zipper.

I guess it's the humanitarian in me tha...

It’s okay to say “hi” to the man in the adjoining urinal

It’s even okay to ask him how his day is

It’s not okay to say, “Hi, nice watch!”

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A man decided to tattoo his wife's name on his penis before going to their honeymoon

When erect it proudly reads *Wendy* on the side of his shaft, but when soft it only shows *Wy*.

While on his honeymoon in the Caribbean, he is using the bathroom and notices the guy in the urinal next to him also has a *Wy* on his penis. He then asks the guy if his wife is named Wendy.
...

so i was in a urinal in the carribbean

And on my love muscle i have my GFs name Wendy tattoed. I was in the urinal next to this dark guy who had the letters W and Y tattooed on his love muscle. I asked him if he had a gf called Wendy as well, he said "Na man. It says Welcome to Jamaica, have a nice stay"

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I found a fly on the edge of the urinal today

I pissed him off

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A man in his 50's visits the doctor.

"I just can't take it anymore, doc," he says, wincing. "I stand at the urinal for 20 minutes and nothing happens. Is there something I can take?"

"I'll tell you what you can take," the doctor snarls. "A cold dose of reality! Do you have *any* idea what's happening out there?! Global warming i...

The tale of the Golden Urinal

A guy comes home completely drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy. "Where the hell have you been all night?" she demands. "At this fantastic new bar," he says. "The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. It's got huge golde...

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A man goes in to a public toilet and sees a man with no arms standing by the urinal. The armless man turns to him and says, ''Could you help me, please? My zip needs undoing."

''Okay.'' says the first man, and he pulls down the man's zip.

The armless man then says, ''Could you take it out for me?''

''Um, well, okay." says the first man. He pulls the armless man's dick out of his pants and sees that it is covered in red bumps, green veins and brown scabs oozi...

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In the men's bathroom, an accountant, a lawyer and a cowboy were standing side-by-side using the urinal.

The accountant finished, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands...clear up to his elbows....he used 20 paper towels before he finished. He turned to the other two men and commented, "I graduated from the University of Michigan and they taught us to be clean."

The lawy...

I saw 3 men standing at the urinals.

The first man, a Jewish guy, was peeing 4 streams.
"What happened to you?" I asked.

He explained "Accident at my circumcision. The rabbi had Parkinson's."

The next man, a big tough trucker, was peeing 6 streams.
"And what is your problem?" I asked.

He grunted "I had a fig...

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Three automobile managers at the urinal

The first goes to the sink and dries his hands with so many paper towels that not even the smallest droplet remains. "At Opel, we learn to be extremely thorough," he says.

The second uses only one towel for this and remarks: "At BMW, we also learn to be extremely efficient."

T...

If they found the captain's log in Picard's bathroom, what did they find in the second officers urinal?

Data stream

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I got drunk and fell into the urinal.

I'm pretty pissed.

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At the urinal

Two man, pissing side by side.

"Sorry sir, do you happen to be of the Jewish faith?"

"Erh... yes I am."

"You are from Krakow?"

"Yes."

"And did you always go to the small synagogue in the Lipowitz Street?"

"Yes, do we know each other?"

"I don't think s...

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In which city you will only find urinals in men's toilet?

Detroit, cause you can't get shit in Detroit.

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A man enters a public toilet and walks to a urinal.

At the adjacent urinal to him is a man with no hands, who is really having trouble trying to take a piss.
After a while of noticing the man's struggle, the guy offers some assistance.
The man with no hands thanks him and accepts the help. He asks if he can take out his penis and aim it at the...

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Please don't throw cigarette butts in urinals.

It makes them soggy and hard to light.

What did the Scotsman say to the Frenchman at the urinal?

Oui oui.

Screw dudes who throw cigarettes into urinals

Makes them so difficult to re-light.

I've decided not to use urinals in public bathrooms anymore. I'm going to sit in a stall to use the toilet instead.

Oh it's not because I have a bashful bladder.
It's just that I'm so used to using both thumbs to text.

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2 Guys At A Urinal NSFW

Bob goes into the public restroom and sees this guy standing next to the urinal. The guy has no arms. As Bob's standing there, taking care of business, he wonders to himself how the poor wretch is going to take a leak.
Bob finishes and starts to leave when the man asks Bob to help him out. Being ...

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Golden Urinals

So a man is always cheating on his wife. She finally gets fed up with him and says the next time he gives her a lame excuse, she is going to leave him. A few days later he comes home extremely late.
"So what's the excuse this time," she said.
"Hey, I was drinking all night with my buddies. I...

I went to the Urinal in a bar today

The guy standing next to me said “is this six feet?”. I looked down and said “Mate, you’re lucky if that’s six inches”

I walked into a men’s room but couldn’t pee when I stood at the urinal as there were two people peeing next to me.

Too much peer pressure.

Reading the wall at the urinal...

"Why are you reading this? The joke is in your hand."

I thought, yep. Mine's a real kneeslapper.

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Guy walks up to the urinal next to a dark skinned man. As he's doing his thing, he notices the man has a tattoo on his penis.

it says "Wendy". The guy remarks, "Hey! That's interesting! I have a tattoo on my dick too and it has my wife's name Wendy on it as well!"

The dark skinned man looks at him and says "what do you mean? Mine says 'Welcome to Jamaica, have a nice day' "

They recently removed the urinal from our mens washroom at work...

I really miss that urinal. I mean I missed it once in awhile when it was there... But now I really miss it!

Bob is standing at the urinal in the men's room doing his business. Steve walks up a couple of spaces over from Bob and begins to do his business. Bob glances over and exclaims, "Wow, you're huge!!"

Steve kinda hangs his head and says, "Yeah, I know."

Bob says, "I'm sorry, I just never seen a guy as fat as you. When is the last time you seen your pecker?"

Steve replies, "It's been a long time."

Bob asks, "Why don't you diet?"

Steve says,"Why, what color is it now?"

A man walks into a French man in a urinal

“Sorry!” He says, “I didn’t realise European!”

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Picking the middle urinal

...is a real dick move.

The golden urinal

Late one night, a husband returned home from the bar. His wife woke up, and turned on the lights, angry her husband was out late drinking again.
“Where were you”
“Just wait, Honey! I can explain. I didn’t go to my normal bar tonight. I went to this really fancy one with urinals made of gold”...

Written above a urinal.

The jokes not here it's in your hand.

How do you evaluate a urinal?

Peer reviews

Urinals Too High

A group of 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack, (Churchill Downs) to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry (Bourbon), but mostly to see the horses.
When it was time to take the children to the bathro...

An American starts using a urinal next to an Englishman

The American turns to him and says "Hey European"

The Englishman replies "I know"

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A sailor and an airman were in a base restroom at the same time. Both used the urinals. After completing his business, the sailor zipped up his fly and turned to leave. The airman glowered at him. "In the Air Force, they teach us to wash our hands after using the restroom."

"Oh yeah?" the sailor replied. "Well, in the Navy they teach us not to piss on our hands."

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A man standing at the urinal looks over and sees a Leprechaun

At the urinal next to his. The Leprechaun has a massively huge dick, the guy asks "Hey how did you get your dick so big?". The Leprechaun says, "I'm a Leprechaun, I can have whatever I want.". Pressing, the man says, "How could I make mine that large?". The Leprechaun replies, "If you let me put my ...

Two men stand next to each other at a urinal...

One looks to the other and says "Can you guess where I'm from?"
The other guy looks to him, giving him a once over and says: "Well I can clearly see European."

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A Rabbi steps up to a urinal.

As he begins to urinate, a voice beside him says, "My friend, you are a Jew!"

Slightly surprised, he replies, "Okay, so you're some kind of genius. You see my clothing, and my..." (he gestures to his crotch) "... and you figure I'm a Jew. Please let me finish in peace!"

...

TIL. Dont say nice piece to a guy standing next to you at a urinal in texas.

You will get stuck in a gotdamn half hour conversation about how the sw 40 is a far superior round compared to the 9mm.

Someone broke into our local police station and stole all the urinals.

Police say they have nothing to go on.

do you know how gandalf uses a urinal?

well first he opens his fly, you fools

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After buzzing about in a public toilet, how long will a fly generally stay sat on a urinal?

Until it gets pissed off.

Hey guys please stop putting half-smoked cigarettes in the urinal

It makes them soggy and makes them hard t light up.

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A white guy and a black guy are at a urinal.

As the white guy is peeing, he's looking at the tattoo on his dick. It's the letters W and Y. Then he glances over and notices the black guy has the exact same one.

They zip up and the white guys says: I noticed you have WY tattooed on your dick. So do I. Mine is because my girlfriend's name ...

I had a few too many drinks in a restaurant the other night, went to the bathroom and wound up accidentally peeing in the sink instead of the urinal..

At least I think I did. It was hard to concentrate with all those angry women yelling at me.

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A small white guy is using the urinal when a large black man walks in to the bathroom..

The black guy starts using the urinal and the white guy takes a peak over and with astonishment asks the black guy "How did you get a pecker that big?!". The black guy rolls his eyes and half jokingly says "Well what you have to do is wrap a bunch of rubber bands around it and attach weights on the ...

Graffiti seen above a urinal in the men’s room...

“What are you looking up here for? The real joke is in the comments.”

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