Bathroom Scale Jokes

...but I'm confident they won't get a weigh with it.

...sucking in his stomach. “Ha­­! That’s not going to help,” she said.

“Sure, it does,” he said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”

There’s no way you can get a weigh with it.

Daughter: There's no way you can weigh yourself with it up there

Dad: Weigh myself? Hah! A was scaling the wall!

But when I step on it, it says "One at a time, please!"

My plans after that? Weight and see.

Weigh a head of ewe.

I’ve seen the error of my weighs.

I can go from 0 to 300 in about 5 seconds with it

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found ... read more

So I got her a bathroom scale.

it's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.

"That sounds expensive, what did you buy her?"

"A set of bathroom scales."

John forgot his wedding anniversary again. His wife flew into a fit of rage, walked out to the driveway pointed to the ground and said., I want a present that goes from 0 to 200 really fast and I want it here by tomorrow morning.
Fine says Jim but that doesn't explain where John is.
Well cont... read more

"My birthday is next week. I want something shiny and new that goes from 0 - 300 in 2 seconds."

So her husband bought her a bathroom scale.

...so I bought her a bathroom scale.

... with a shiny new bathroom scale.

So I bought her bathroom scales.

His wife was mad and demanded that there be something in the driveway the next morning that will go 0-200 in 6 seconds, AND IT BETTER BE THERE.

So the next morning comes around and there was a massive box in the driveway.

His wife unwrapped the present excited, to find a set of bathroo... read more

A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town. He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range. ... read more

Now, on the day before, Matt asks, “So what do you think you’re getting for your birthday?”



His wife responds, “All I know is that it better be in the driveway and it better go from zero to 200 in under six seconds.”



“Oh, it will,” Matt responds, “and it does.”

<... read more

"I'm tired of the old station wagon you got for me on our anniversary seven years ago. For my birthday next week i want you to get me something that goes from 0 - 200 in four seconds or less!"

Her birthday arrived and he had got her a >!bathroom scale!<

"Oh... I don't know... maybe something that gets from 0 to 100 in seconds when I step on it?"

"So... bathroom scales?"

She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0-150 in less than 5 seconds."

So I bought her a bathroom scale.
Long story short, she's no longer my girlfriend.

So he bought her a bathroom scale.

You're fat liane, don't sugar coat it. Because you'll just eat that too.

The wife being furious, said, to make up for this there had better be something in the driveway when I wake up that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds. The next morning when she looked out the window, she saw a large box with a ribbon tied around it. Excited, she ran outside and unwrapped it. To her su... read more

My friend set me up on a blind date and all I had was the phone number of the guy I was supposed to meet. So I call him up and ask how will I recognize him?
"I am 175cm tall and weigh 75kg and I will be standing in the corner. What about you?"
I replied, "Well, I guess I will be the one with a... read more

A man stands on his bathroom scale. As his wife walks in she sees him inhale and hold it to suck in his stomach.


She says "That's not going to make a difference".


He says "Sure it is, now I can see the numbers".

So, two weeks before her birthday, she tells her husband "You always get me the worst presents when my birthday rolls around. Well, this year had better be different. When I wake up in two weeks, there had better be something in the driveway that will go from O to 200 in less than 60 seconds!"
... read more

It's Bob's 15th anniversary and he forgot. When he came home from work he didn't notice his wife was all made up with make up and a pretty dress. Bob asked his wife what was for dinner but she kept hinting that they should have a date night but Bob getting from work was tired so he made a sandwich... read more