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Potty Jokes

What do you call the weight of a porta-potty when the tank is full?

The gross weight

a guy thing..

My three year old son had a lot of problems with potty training; and I
was
on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch
in
between errands.
It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I
smelled something funny, so of course, I che...

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My three year old daughter made this up...what did the potty training robot say?

Pee poop pee poop.

There was a porta-potty near the edge of a small cliff

Everyday young Bobby would walk by it on the way home from school, and every day he would resist the temptation to kick it off the edge of the cliff.

This all changed one day when Bobby had a particularly bad day at school. He had learned about boring topics, like how George Washington cut do...

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I hate potty humor

It's the butt of all jokes

Where do potty-mouthed Eastern Europeans come from?

Vulgaria

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Saw a joke over at r/electricians today whilst on the port a potty!

So I was on the jonny, and I shit you not, there in front of me on the shitter door was a note that said,"toilet tennis, look left!

I looked left and it read,"look right!"

I laughed so hard I shit myself, which was ok givin the location!

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Poop, potty, crap, dung, excretion.

Excuse my childishness, I know that was a *shitty* joke.



I’ve wasted my life.



Help :(

Where do elves like to go potty?

The North Bowl

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I bought a used car from the guy that used to own Porta Potty

No shit

What syndrome has people barking out potty humor?

Toilette’s syndrome

Potty Training

Potty training my toddler can be likened to the maiden voyage of the Titanic...

At the beginning we are hopeful and excited but by the end everyone’s crying and wet.

My son yells out potty jokes in class

We’re afraid he has toilettes’ syndrome

How does the computer programmer potty train his son?

Ctrl+P

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They tried to cash in on Chuck Norris’s popularity by making a potty training seat for toddlers with Chuck Norris’s image on it.

But it failed miserably, because Chuck Norris doesn’t take shit from anyone.

Accidentally dropped a 20 dollar bill in a porta potty

Thought “Damn, no way I’m reaching in there for a measly 20”

So I took out a hundred from my wallet and dropped it in.

Now for 120, I’ll definitely go in.

The Potty

A little three year old boy is sitting on the toilet. His mother thinks he has been in there too long, so she goes in to see what's up. The little boy is sitting on the toilet reading a book. But about every 15 seconds or so, he puts the book down, grips onto the toilet seat with his left hand and h...

My son finished potty training today!

I mean, he’s 31, but better late than never!

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What is it called when you lift a port-a-potty on the roof of a 2 story building with a crane?

Taking that shit to the next level.

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A man was seated next to a kid in an airplane

The man felt bored so he decided to talk to the kid. So he turned to him and asked “How about we talk for a bit?”

Then the kid replied “ok so what do we talk about”

The man (clearly wanting to make fun of the kid) replies “How about nuclear power?”

The kid then catches on to the...

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You know how there is book for potty training called "Everybody Poops"

There should be a book on dealing with people called "Everybodys Full of Shit"

What an outstanding result in potty training!

An envy pee.

(like an MVP, get it..OK I go away now)

The baby is great. My wife and I just started potty training.

Which I think is important because when we want to potty train the baby, we should set an example.

Dad potty trains his son.

"Son, if you want to pee like a big boy, then you need to follow these steps:

Step 1: unzip.
Step 2: pull it out.
Step 3: pull the skin back.
Step 4: pee.
Step 5: pull the skin forward.
Step 6: put it back in your pants.
Step 7: zip up"

Some tim...

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Lighting a firework inside of a porter potty is the most patriotic thing anyone can do.

Because in America, our history is simple: *we blow shit up.*

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I don't know how people have sex in a porta potty

There's no fucking room

What's common between Marriage & a Port-a-potty?

There are those who are waiting to get in it and then you have those wanting too get out of it.

What did the police officer say to the failed porta potty thief that got crushed when it fell on him during his attempted getaway?

“Stop! In the name of the law, you are under arrestroom!”

"Dude, I really gotta go to the bathroom"

"We got a new Porta Potty backstage"
"Good, I can finally stop going in your trailer."
"...You've been using the bathroom in my trailer?"
"...... Your trailer has a bathroom?"

whats the difference between Amber Heard and my Dog?

My dog is potty trained.

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Three construction workers.

Three construction workers were at a jobsite one day when there was no port-a-potty, the first worker grabs a shovel out of a truck and digs a hole, the second one disappeared, the third one finds the second one on top of a pole with his pants down reading a newspaper. The second worker says to the ...

Why didn't the Tenth Doctor like potty training as a kid? [spoiler I guess?]

He didn't want to go.

Do you know the difference between a potty and a coffe pot?

No? Don't you ever invite me for coffee!

My son recently started an apprenticeship with one of the local plumbers

I love the look on his face when I tell friends, family, and anyone who will listen that he’s currently being potty trained.

What makes Miley Cyrus’ toilet so special?

It’s a potty in the USA

Two nuns, who were in Africa to spread the gospel, ran out of gas with their jeep just outside a remote village they had visited.

One of the nuns remembered they had a small gas station of sorts in the village, so they decided to walk back and get some gas for their jeep. They couldn’t find any can in the car, but one of them grabbed a potty from their sanitary equipment and said it would suffice, and off they went. As they re...

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A construction company builds a 5 stories apartment building but with no bathroom

A reporter asks the contractor:

"Why didn't you build any bathroom in the building?"

The contractor replies:
"The first floor is a kindergarten, they go potty so no need for a bathroom"

"The second floor is for high ranking officials, they've got people to wipe their ass fo...

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Training A Puppy

We brought home a new puppy on October 29. I told the family that the puppy has to be trained in one month. I said the family rule starting November 29 is that any piss or shit on the floor means a night outside.

Sure enough, I came home last night and found piss and shit on the floor. I knew...

I wish Kanye's new song Lift Yourself would have come out 35 years ago

It wouldn't have taken me so long to get potty trained.

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A Banana walks into a bar

He sits down and orders an alcoholic beverage. The bartender brings the banana his beverage and the banana begins to drink the beverage. Then a beautiful cucumber enters the bar and sits by the banana. The banana is quite taken by the cucumber. He asks if she’d like to go with him to the bathroom fo...

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Two boys, 8 and 10 constantly swear...

One evening, when the boys are fighting, the mother gets fed up and decides she is done.

She tells the boys " I've had enough of your potty mouths! The next time I hear you cuss, I'm going to slap you!! Now get to your rooms!!!"

The next morning she is in the kitchen when the boys co...

Some plumbers wanted to have a sleepover

They held a slumber potty

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On Top of The Toilet - The_Merciless_Potato

A crappy feeling's comin' over me

There is defecation in 'most everything I see

Not a toilet in sight, ate a taco and some fries

And I won't be surprised if it's a stream



Every worst food-combo in the world

Is now coming true especially inside me

And...

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One evening, a vicar has a brilliant idea.

Wouldn't it be wonderful, he thinks, to have a parrot in the church doorway to greet the congregation as they arrive on Sundays.

So, next morning, he gets up bright and early, and heads off to the nearest pet shop, where he enquires about parrots.

They have but one parrot in stock, and...

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a little boy is being potty trained by his parents.

All starts going well except when in restaurant, the kid shouts "I need to pee!"

Embarrassed, the parents come up with a new idea. They tell their son "from now on, when you need to pee, just say you need to whisper". The son likes the idea. When he needed to go, he would say "Dad! I need to ...

What's a toilet on a Portuguese jetty called?

A porto potty.

Generous Scottish Woman

One cold December day, a French tourist in Scotland decided to find out if the natives were as tight as he had heard. He stopped at a farm cottage, told the farmer's wife he was freezing to death, and was invited to come in and warm himself at the hearth.

Once inside the house, he complain...

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Clint Eastwood says we’re the “pussy generation.”

Potty mouth.

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A teacher was in class...

And she decided to teach the alphabet. She would call out a letter and then ask the students to name something that began with the same letter. Well little Timmy had a potty mouth so she would be sure not to call on him.

So she began with A. “Can anyone tell me what begins with the letter...

Two boys sitting to pee

Two five year old boys are sitting at the potty to pee.

When one says, " Your thing doesn't have any skin on it!"

" I've been circumcised." Says the second boy.

" What does that mean?"

"It means they cut the protective skin skin off the end."

" How old were you whe...

Why were there balloons in the bathroom?

There was a birthday potty.

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Two friends are hiking in the woods

When one stops to pee. During his potty stop, he is bitten on the dick by a rattlesnake. He cries for help, and his friend comes running over. He sees the snake slithering away and his friend holding his wounded member and immediately calls poison control.
"Please help me, my friend's been bitte...

One day a man sat down to relieve himself

One day a man sat down to relieve himself in a port-o-potty when he heard a voice shout out, "No!".
Hearing this the man got off the toilet and asked who said that.
The voice responded," I am down here!"
The man looked down into the toilet and saw an Indian man. The man was shocked and ask...

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