The troubles of foreigners in Canada

A patron in a Montreal restaurant turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded.

"This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked 'C' gave me boiling water."

"But, Monsieur, 'C' stands for chaud – French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal."

"Wait a...

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A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were in a hotel for a convention.

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were in a hotel for a convention. Then, in the middle of the night for no apparent reason, a fire breaks out in the engineer's wastebasket. The engineer rushes over to the bathroom, empties out the ice bucket, fills it with water and pours it into the ...

My neighbor asked me (IT Support) how to fix his leaky faucet. Not being a plumber I offered the only advise I have:

"Have you tried turning it on and back off again?"

What do you call a musical faucet?

A sync

Years ago, my Mother-in-law began reading, "The Exorcist". She said it was the most evil book she ever read. So evil in fact, she couldn't finish it, took it to the ocean and threw it off the pier.

I went out, but another copy, ran it under the faucet, and left it beside her bed.

Faucet manufacturer Pfister is expanding their business with a line of high tech toilets

The p is silent.

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A woman asks her husband...

Can you take care of the leaky faucet?

“What do I look like a plumber?” He yells

Well can you fix the leaky roof?

“What do I look like a roofer?” He yells

The leaves in the yard are all over the place...

“Do I look like a gardener to you!?” He slams the door and le...

How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to assure the public that they’re doing everything they can to fix the issue while the other screws the bulb into a faucet.

Thousands of homeless water faucets die on the streets without food or shelter each year.

Let that sink in.

A race between tomato, lettuce, and tap faucet

Tomato, lettuce, and tap faucet were having a race. The lettuce was a head, the faucet was running, and the tomato was trying to ketchup.

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Three old men are sitting in an old-age home bitching about how much their lives suck.

Three old men are sitting in an old-age home bitching about how much their lives suck.

The first one says "Every morning I wake up at 6:00. At 6:30 I piss for half an hour, just standing there as piss dribbles out. At 7:00 I shit for an hour before I can squeeze anything out. I hate this life...

The plumber found a blunt in my faucet today.

No wonder my water bills are so high.

Why did the faucet take a sick leave?

He wasn't filling so well.

Coronavirus is driving us mad!

We have become crazy.

I went to the bathroom at a restaurant. I washed my hands, opened the door with my elbow, I raised the toilet seat with my foot, I switched on the water faucet with a tissue then opened the bathroom door to leave with my elbow and when i returned to my table I realized....

Who's your true friend?

A doctor always secretly wishes you fall sick.

A lawyer secretly wishes you screw up and end up in legal trouble.

A plumber secretly wishes you have a leaking faucet.

An electrician secretly wishes that you have a trip circuit.


ONLY A THIEF, secretly wishes and prays ...

A prestigious neurosurgeon calls a plumber to tend to his leaky faucet.

The problem requires an easy fix and the entire job takes less than two minutes. Before leaving, the plumber says, “That will be $200.”
The surgeon was astonished. He says, “I will be candid with you. I am a neurosurgeon and even I don't charge $100 a minute.”
The plumber says, “Yeah, I know. ...

What's similar between a racehorse and a leaky faucet?

They're both off and running.

A girl runs under a church awning to escape the rain.

A priest at the door greets her. "Are you all right, my dear?"

"Oh yes, I'm fine!" she exclaims. "It's just absolutely pouring rain!"

Suddenly, the sky opens up, and water begins to cascade down as if pouring from an enormous faucet.

"*Wow!*" the girl shouts. "Now it's *really*...

Did you hear about the Jedi who gave up all his training to become a plumber?

He went over to the darkside of the faucet

What did the man say to the plumber aggressively trying to fix the tap?

C’mon man, you don’t have to faucet.

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My friend tried to make a shitty joke about taps

I told him not to faucet

Buying a hinge

While installing a new door, I found that one of the hinges was missing. So, I asked my wife Mary if she would go to Home Depot and pick up a hinge. Mary agreed to go. While she was waiting for the Manager to finish serving a customer, her eye caught a beautiful bathroom faucet. When the Manager was...

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[Original joke] [Long] A man walks into a bar...

A man walks into a bar and orders a gin and tonic with ice. The bartender nods and prepares the drink. A few moments later, he hands the man a glass of gin and tonic, with no ice. The man notices and points out the mistake to the bartender.

The bartender smiles. "Sorry, I had to remove the ic...

A chemist, an engineer and a mathematician were all asleep in a hotel when several fires broke out in their respective rooms....

The engineer woke up, saw the fire, ran into the bathroom, turned on the faucets full-blast, flooding out the entire apartment, which put out the fire, and went back to sleep.

The chemist woke up, saw the fire, ran over to his desk, pulled out his CRC (chemistry handbook), and began working o...

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Basic Fuckanomics

Fuckanomics\-\-You're born with a ton of fucks to give, so you spend them like a kid with a credit card. You give fucks about your friends, about your grades, about your fashion sense, about strangers opinions. You give way too many fucks about way too many things. You have so many. Then, as you get...

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A contractor and an architect are inspecting a building.

A contractor is doing a final walkthrough of a new school with the architect. It’s going fairly well, the architect is pointing out some cracks that need to be spackled, a piece of baseboard that’s not snug to the floor. Nothing big.

They go through the women’s bathroom, architect wants a co...

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Complaining wife

A wife complained to her husband:

"The kitchen faucet has been leaking for a week now and you still haven't fixed it!"

"Do I look like a fucking plumber?", the man answered.

The next day the woman complained again:

"Some tiles fell down in the bathroom, aren't you going...

Job Application Humor

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Cover letter: "I would be prepared to meet with you at your earliest
convenience to discuss what I can do to your company."

That's what we're afraid of ...

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