The Ivory Throne of the King of Timbuktu

Hundreds of years ago, when glorious Timbuktu was nothing more than a large collection of grass huts, the King of that great city declared his wish for a throne fit for such a mighty ruler. Of ivory it was to be, exquisitely carved, inlaid with gold leaf, decorated with diamonds and emeralds and sap...

People still having large weddings during a pandemic must be huge Game of Thrones fans.

After all a Dothraki wedding without at least 3 deaths is considered a dull affair.

4 people fighting to sit on the Throne.

There's blood, there's guts, there's nudity.

Gonna have to face the facts.

I'm a terrible cook.

So there was this king in Hawaii living in a straw thatch style palace whose hobby was collecting thrones...

Anytime some local carpenter created a new ornate chair, he had to have it for his collection. The guy was wild about them, it was his one true passion in life.

Well one day, lightning strikes during a thunderstorm and his palace burns down including his entire collection. He was crushed, ne...

How many Game of Thrones seasons does it take to change a lightbulb?

Eight, if you want to screw it completely.

I, foolishly, named my daughter Daenerys before seeing how Game of Thrones ended. But you live and you learn.

Now to take a big sip of coffee, sit down with my son, Judas, and read about how things worked out for this Jesus fella.

The ending of Game of Thrones makes sense, think about it.

Arya went west, Jon went north, Drogon went east, and the show went south.

African chief whose obsession was to conquer other chiefs and take their thrones as trophies

There was this African chief at the turn of the last century whose obsession was to conquer other chiefs and take their thrones as trophies. These thrones he would collect and display in the second level of his magnificent palace just above his own luxurious throne. This palace was renowned for its ...

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The crab and the lobster

One there was a crab called David and a lobster called Lucy and they were very much in love.

One day, Lucy comes running to David, crying her eyes out.

“What’s the matter?” David asks.

“It’s my father, the King. He’s banned me from ever seeing you again!” cried Princess Lucy....

Harry and Meghan are leaving the throne

At least 2 people know how to make a proper Brexit

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Do not read this [OC] joke.

...I was in some South Dakotan ‘mountains’ ...or ‘rolling hills’ as the rest of the world would call them. It was just a fun journey to burn an afternoon and prep my legs for a trip with my friends to Yosemite. (I would actually go on to propose to my girlfriend at the top of Yosemite Falls, and we’...

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A flavor explosion

To spice up Fajitas with flavor on top.

I picked up a bottle of Frank's Extra Hot.

My payment for daring this flavourful ocean.

Is me on a throne with an anal explosion.

Do you know why Palpatine spends so much time on his throne?

Because he likes to Sith.

Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, died and went to heaven.

At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."


Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God."


St. Pete...

Three men are on a boat, when suddenly they become shipwrecked on a stranded island...

Three men are on a boat, when suddenly they become shipwrecked on a stranded island. They think they’re alone until suddenly over a hundred natives come out of the forest. The men are taken back to the village and put before the chieftain on the throne.

The chieftain looks at them and says, ...

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I get anxious when I watch “Game of Thrones” with my parents, because of all the sex.

Sometimes I turn the volume up, so that I don’t hear them.

What does Titanic, The Sixth Sense, and Game of Thrones have in common?

Icy dead people.

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Warning: Game of Thrones Spoilers

Will make your car look fucking stupid

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Game of thrones spoiler!!!!

Now that all the nerds aren't paying attention, party at my house this Saturday.

The final episode of Game of Thrones should end in a huge musical number where everyone comes back to life for some reason and nothing is explained and no real ending is given.

That'll cause riots.

My friend still hasn’t seen season 8 of Game of Thrones. And every time I try to broach the subject she just yells at me, “No Spoilers!” So I gave up on trying to warn her

That she shouldn’t name her baby, Khaleesi.

What do you call a prince rabbit?

The "hare" to the throne

What's the difference between the Game of Thrones books and a Chinese newspaper?

To understand everything in a Chinese newspaper you only need to know about 3,000 characters.

Women complain about men sitting on the toilet too long.

What kind of king doesn't sit on his throne?



P.s. sorry if this is unoriginal. It sounds too good to not be taken.

What did they name Game of Thrones' first stock exchange?

Investeros

If Game of Thrones was written by M. Night Shyamalan, what would he have called the White Walkers?

Icy Dead People

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The final season of game of thrones is a lot like porn.

Awful dialogue, shallow plot, and the characters just keep getting fucked.

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Once upon a time, there were two native tribes who were bitter enemies

One tribe lived in houses made of sticks, and the other tribe lived in houses made of grass. Each tribe had a sacred throne on which the tribe elder would sit and judge his people.

On day, the tribe who made their houses out of grass raided the village of the tribe who made their houses out ...

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How can you tell if someone has never seen Game of Thrones?

They'll fucking tell you.

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When Solomon the Wise received the Queen of Sheba at his palace, he needed grand new thrones for him and for her.

So by the power of the Seal of Solomon he summoned *djinn* and he said to them: Craft me a pair of thrones that shall be the wonder of all the ages, exquisite in both materials and workmanship and of a value surpassing all the treasures of the earth. And the *djinn*, bound under the Seal, bowed low ...

I watched all of Game of Thrones back to back with the girlfriend,

Fortunately I was the one facing the TV.

What do beds and Game of Thrones have in common?

Put 2 twins together and you get a king.

My friends haven't been talking to me since the day I told them I didn't watch Game of Thrones.

To be completely fair they didn't do that before either.

Now that Game of Thrones is ending, you know who my dad thinks should write pirate books?

George "Arrre Arrre" Martin

I'm sorry.

Game of Thrones Themed: "Knock knock. Who's there? Arya"

"Knock knock. Who's there? Arya"

"Arya who?"

"Arya gonna let me in? Winter is comin'!"

I'm a new dad ...I think this whole dad joke thing is inevitable.

You know who's the best character in the Game of Thrones show right now?

It *Varys*

Who's the wildest knight in Game of Thrones?

Ser Engeti

Bran wasn't in Game of Thrones

He was in Wheels of Fortune.

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Why is game of thrones so popular?

Who doesn't enjoy a porn with good backstory?

What do the last ten minutes of Dexter and the last season of Game of Thrones have in common?

They ruin eight years of your life.

I know who dies first in the last Game of Thrones...

The legacy of a once-great show

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A preschooler is asked to write the first sentence every member of his family said.

When he got home he saw his mom on the phone. He asked her to say a sentence. But she yelled "Shut up, I'm on the phone!" So he wrote that down.

He then came into the living room and saw his dad watching a soccer game. The team he was rooting for just scored the winning goal, so he shouted "...

In Game of Thrones Winter Came...

And everyone left unsatisfied

If Game of Thrones teaches us anything it is that Mexico should build the wall.

Whingers are coming.

What are the spiders like in Game of Thrones?

Varies.

Game of Thrones's Night King disappointed me ...

He's not even able to hit the broadside of a Bran...

Kid from The Sixth Sense asked to comment on Game Of Thrones and he described it with one sentence.

"Icey dead people"

Barack, Hillary and Donald are standing in front of the throne of heaven...

Almighty God looks at them and says, “Before granting you a place at my side, I want to ask you what you have learned and what you believe in.”



God asks Barack first: “Son, What do you believe in?”



Obama thinks long and hard, looks God straight in the eye, and says, “I ...

What's the difference between Game of Thrones and United Airlines?

One has dragons and the other has drag-offs

I am glad Game of Thrones is coming to an end in 2019

I hate when TV shows dragon too long.

Where do the Game of Thrones characters go to get their clothing pressed?

The Iron Islands.
...I'm so sorry, I've been re-watching the entire series in preparation for April and this stupid joke popped into my head after my Mum bought a new iron :3

I never understood why people are surprised to hear Elvis died on the toilet.

Historically it's rare for a King to leave the throne alive.

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[Game of Thrones S7 Spoiler] What do Dragons call Jon Snow?

Motherfucker.

Which Game of Thrones house does House Trump most resemble?

Definitely not House Lannister, because they always pay their debts.

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[NSFW] What’s the difference between Game of Thrones and a porn version of Rick & Morty?

In the former, winter is coming, in the latter, Summer is coming.

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A woman visited an Amazonian tribe on a research trip...

She spent several days taking notes on the lifestyle and habits of the tribe and interviewing their ruler, King Paolo, via an interpreter. As the tribe's land was near several rich gold mines, the king and his people were extremely wealthy.

During the woman's time with him, the king fell hop...

People complain about Game of Thrones having a lot of incest...

...but Bran could have broken his arms instead of his legs

An interview with a vampire

An interview with a vampire.

Interviewer: Voad, You have been living for the last 5000 years, in almost every country on the planet. You have seen rulers come and go, empires rise and fall. Please, tell me what you have done to occupy yourself during this time.

Voad: Well, I have tak...

The Swing Bar

Jim's friends take him to a bar he hadn't been to before then. It was like any other joint, minus the oddly cheap booze, and the group of people huddled in the corner.

Jim asks the bartender what they're doing, and he explains that they're having a "swing".

Jim and his friends venture...

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We've seen a lot of nudity on Game of Thrones

I think tonight might be the first night we have ever seen a Dickon fire though

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[Spoiler] In Game of Thrones, what is Jon and Dany's favorite sexual position?

Lannister style

Leo the Lion was the king of the jungle, and had a strange obsession of

collecting thrones. He had dozens of thrones that he was very proud of, and he stored them on the second floor of his grass hut.

Sadly, on day, the weight from all those thrones was too great for the grass hut and they all crashed through the floor onto Leo, killing him.

The moral of ...

I feel sorry for Jorah in Game Of Thrones

He clearly loves Daenerys, but she just isn't one to savour the Mormont.

The redditor of all the land sits on his throne

A line of people are waiting to tell him their problems.

The first one walks in.
“I was milking my cow and I realized how annoying and useless it seemed”
The king said “Go follow into the room on the right, and sit on the couch.”

A second person walks in.
“I was doing schoolwo...

Why do they run the credits at the beginning of Game of Thrones?

Because you don't know who is going to make it to the end.

Queen Elizabeth has been on the Throne for 65 years

That's one hell of a dodgy curry.

Sir Dimalot strode into the throne room and bowed before the king.

"Your majesty," he said, "I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the villages of your enemies in the north."

The king looked perplexed. "But I do not have any enemies in the north."

"Ah," replied the knight, realising his mistake. "I fear you do now."

So we wont see season 8 of Game of Thrones until 2019

They're really dragon it out

People think that Ed Sheeran cameo in Game of Thrones was bad...

But I thought Amy Winehouse getting hit in the face with a rock in last nights episode was just in bad taste.

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If I've learned anything from watching Game of Thrones..

It's that family always cums first.

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LPT: Play the Game of Thrones theme tune before you have sex if there is a risk of being overheard.

Got me and my SO through the recent family stay overs during the festive season.

Had an issue with how the latest season of Game of Thrones ended:

Bit of an auntie climax don't you think?

Game of Thrones is really getting out of hand...

Even websites are dying in the new season.

There was once an island kingdom whose people were all fabulously wealthy. Even though they could have afforded to live anywhere they wanted, tradition dictated they stay on their tiny island home. Eventually, their king became frustrated and called a meeting of the tribe's elders.

He said he wanted them to figure out a way he could enjoy his wealth, and stay within traditional guidelines. After much consideration, the elders suggested he build a magnificent throne. When he objected there was not enough room in his hut for a throne, the elders suggested he call in an engineer ...

The King and the Thrones

Once there was a king- his kingdom was made up of houses made from the hay, mud and reinforced by waterproof grass fronds from the riverbanks. The king, naturally, had the biggest house, his being the only one in the kingdom to have two floors; a tricky bit of engineering for an all natural structur...

I heard that there is going to be a Game of Thrones crossover with Westworld. (Spoilers for both shows)

Hodor: Hodor!!!

Bernard: What door?

I bought my toddler a plastic "Iron Throne".

I paid the Fisher-Price.

[Game of Thrones] If you give Littlefinger two choices...

He'll always prefer the ladder

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A roman, an american, and a jewish man all died.

They were immediately sent to hell because they had committed some pretty unsettling offenses in their lives. The roman was a lustful sex offender, the american was extremely gluttonous, and the Jewish man was very greedy and stole lots of money over his lifetime.

Well, God was feeling pretty...

what's the difference between a ball and a prince?

one is thrown in the air and the other is heir to the throne.

This season of Game of Thrones set new records for Piracy

Probably because it's written by George Arrrrr Arrrrr Martin

If you spell Breaking Bad backwards, you will get "Dab Gnikaerb"

Which still makes more sense than Game of thrones\` entire season 8

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My boss asked me which Game of Thrones house he'd best be placed in...

I told him House Lannister because it only takes one hand to go fuck yourself.

The greatest treasure wins

Once, there were two tribes - the Ubangis and the Wallawallas. They worshiped the same gods, and their religion told them that whoever possessed the greatest worldly treasure had the gods's favor.

For many years, the favor of the gods lay with the Ubangis, whose chief had made a throne of ...

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An improved Game of Thrones joke

Robert Baratheon, Renly Baratheon and Stannis Baratheon go into a tavern. They order ale, but when the barkeep brings them over, they each find a fly in their cups. Robert goes into rage and smashes the cup, demanding new ale. Renly takes the fly out and laughs with the barkeep about it. Stannis rea...

Game of Thrones

Q: What's the name of Hodor's cat?

> A: Hodor

Q: Why did Hodor cross the road?

> A: Hodor

Q: How many Hodors does it take to screw in a lighbulb?

> A: Hodor

Q: What's the title of Hodor's favorite book?

> A: Hodor

Q: Why wasn'...

What was the most successful love story in Game of Thrones?

Shireen. She was only on Tinder for a couple of minutes.

What airline does Sophie Turner use when she's filming Game of Thrones?

Luftsansa

Three house pets- a golden retriever, a parakeet, and a cat-- all die and go to heaven...

As with all the good animals, God decides to have a personal discussion with each one to see where they will stay in heaven.

God turns to the golden retriever and says "The Book of Life indicates that you have been a very good boy. But tell me, in your own words, what are your ultimate princi...

[Game of Thrones] How do you ask a Northerner if they are of noble descent?

Arya Stark?

What would Game of Thrones be called if it was about ice cream?

Game of Cones

If it was about sword sharpening: Game of Hones

If it was just everyone playing Go: Game of Stones

If everyone was single: Game of Alones

If it was about balls: Game of Throwns

If it was about spooky scary skeletons: Game of Bones

If everyone u...

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A man gets stranded on an island

He walks by the beach, saying loudly "I am fucked I am fucked I am fucked..." Than a bearded man shows up and says, "You are not fucked yet. Follow me" As he does not have anything to do, he follows. The bearded man leads him to a cannibal tribe. The bearded man points to the leader who is sitting o...

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