Queen Elizabeth ascended to the throne 69 years ago today. When asked for comment, Boris Johnson replied,

"Nice."

The king's guard bursts into the throne room...

Out of breath and in a panic they alert the king
> Sire, the peasants, they're revolting!


The king nods and responds:
>Mmm yes, they are quite disgusting aren't they

A different game of thrones

Long ago a then famous reporter of the times traveled to a little known kingdom deep in the heart of Africa, accompanied by translators and bearers of course. It was not very technologically advanced, with no plumbing and clay and stray being the primary building materials.

Upon arrival he w...

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Whats the difference between Game of Thrones and a porno?

At the end of the porno everyone was satisfied

What do suicide and game of thrones have in common?

They both don’t end well.

Oedipus wants to learn of his fate.

He travels to Thebes to consult the blind prophet Tiresias and asks him, "What does my future hold?"

Tiresias thinks quietly for a time and answers, "First you'll murder your father."

Oedipus is shocked to hear that he'll become a killer, but there must be more to his fate.

He ...

The Ivory Throne of the King of Timbuktu

Hundreds of years ago, when glorious Timbuktu was nothing more than a large collection of grass huts, the King of that great city declared his wish for a throne fit for such a mighty ruler. Of ivory it was to be, exquisitely carved, inlaid with gold leaf, decorated with diamonds and emeralds and sap...

4 people fighting to sit on the Throne.

There's blood, there's guts, there's nudity.

Gonna have to face the facts.

I'm a terrible cook.

People still having large weddings during a pandemic must be huge Game of Thrones fans.

After all a Dothraki wedding without at least 3 deaths is considered a dull affair.

How many Game of Thrones seasons does it take to change a lightbulb?

Eight, if you want to screw it completely.

I, foolishly, named my daughter Daenerys before seeing how Game of Thrones ended. But you live and you learn.

Now to take a big sip of coffee, sit down with my son, Judas, and read about how things worked out for this Jesus fella.

The guy who played "The Mountain" from Game of Thrones is 50% of a Norse god.

He's Hafthor.

Why does the Queen have to fart?

So there's air to the throne.

The ending of Game of Thrones makes sense, think about it.

Arya went west, Jon went north, Drogon went east, and the show went south.

So there was this king in Hawaii living in a straw thatch style palace whose hobby was collecting thrones...

Anytime some local carpenter created a new ornate chair, he had to have it for his collection. The guy was wild about them, it was his one true passion in life.

Well one day, lightning strikes during a thunderstorm and his palace burns down including his entire collection. He was crushed, ne...

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Long ago, a king issued a challenge to see who can first cross a crocodile-infested river.

On the day of the challenge, the participants were shocked to see how dangerous the river actually was. Crocodile backs were visible nearly every part of the river and the width of the river seemed to stretch miles away to the other bank.

The king, eager to see some violent gory entertainment...

Harry and Meghan are leaving the throne

At least 2 people know how to make a proper Brexit

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Warning: Game of Thrones Spoilers

Will make your car look fucking stupid

African chief whose obsession was to conquer other chiefs and take their thrones as trophies

There was this African chief at the turn of the last century whose obsession was to conquer other chiefs and take their thrones as trophies. These thrones he would collect and display in the second level of his magnificent palace just above his own luxurious throne. This palace was renowned for its ...

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I get anxious when I watch “Game of Thrones” with my parents, because of all the sex.

Sometimes I turn the volume up, so that I don’t hear them.

Do you know why Palpatine spends so much time on his throne?

Because he likes to Sith.

There was a south pacific island village...

Far away in the south pacific, there once was an island village with the custom of electing a new chief every year. By tradition, the laborers of the village would work for months every year to create a giant, ornate bamboo throne for each new chief.

The thrones from previous chiefs began to...

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Game of thrones spoiler!!!!

Now that all the nerds aren't paying attention, party at my house this Saturday.

What does Titanic, The Sixth Sense, and Game of Thrones have in common?

Icy dead people.

The final episode of Game of Thrones should end in a huge musical number where everyone comes back to life for some reason and nothing is explained and no real ending is given.

That'll cause riots.

What's the difference between the Game of Thrones books and a Chinese newspaper?

To understand everything in a Chinese newspaper you only need to know about 3,000 characters.

My friend still hasn’t seen season 8 of Game of Thrones. And every time I try to broach the subject she just yells at me, “No Spoilers!” So I gave up on trying to warn her

That she shouldn’t name her baby, Khaleesi.

What if HIV existed in Game of thrones?

Jason momowa would try to kill it

People in glass houses...

A pacific island tribal king was infamous for conquering surrounding islands and stealing the defeated king’s throne, and then stowing it, like a trophy, in the attic of his grass hut.

One day when sitting on his throne in said grass hut, the ceiling collapses under the weight of his trophie...

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The final season of game of thrones is a lot like porn.

Awful dialogue, shallow plot, and the characters just keep getting fucked.

What did they name Game of Thrones' first stock exchange?

Investeros

I watched all of Game of Thrones back to back with the girlfriend,

Fortunately I was the one facing the TV.

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How can you tell if someone has never seen Game of Thrones?

They'll fucking tell you.

If Game of Thrones was written by M. Night Shyamalan, what would he have called the White Walkers?

Icy Dead People

What do beds and Game of Thrones have in common?

Put 2 twins together and you get a king.

2020 is starting to feel like...

The game of thrones series finale we deserve

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God

God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented motorcycles, eh!" Arthur said, "Yeah, that's me…"

God commented, "Well, what a big deal – inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution, and can't run without a road?"

Arthur was appare...

Game of Thrones Themed: "Knock knock. Who's there? Arya"

"Knock knock. Who's there? Arya"

"Arya who?"

"Arya gonna let me in? Winter is comin'!"

I'm a new dad ...I think this whole dad joke thing is inevitable.

Now that Game of Thrones is ending, you know who my dad thinks should write pirate books?

George "Arrre Arrre" Martin

I'm sorry.

You know who's the best character in the Game of Thrones show right now?

It *Varys*

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When Solomon the Wise received the Queen of Sheba at his palace, he needed grand new thrones for him and for her.

So by the power of the Seal of Solomon he summoned *djinn* and he said to them: Craft me a pair of thrones that shall be the wonder of all the ages, exquisite in both materials and workmanship and of a value surpassing all the treasures of the earth. And the *djinn*, bound under the Seal, bowed low ...

What's the difference between Game of Thrones and United Airlines?

One has dragons and the other has drag-offs

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Why is game of thrones so popular?

Who doesn't enjoy a porn with good backstory?

Who's the wildest knight in Game of Thrones?

Ser Engeti

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The crab and the lobster

One there was a crab called David and a lobster called Lucy and they were very much in love.

One day, Lucy comes running to David, crying her eyes out.

“What’s the matter?” David asks.

“It’s my father, the King. He’s banned me from ever seeing you again!” cried Princess Lucy....

Bran wasn't in Game of Thrones

He was in Wheels of Fortune.

If Game of Thrones teaches us anything it is that Mexico should build the wall.

Whingers are coming.

What do the last ten minutes of Dexter and the last season of Game of Thrones have in common?

They ruin eight years of your life.

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A flavor explosion

To spice up Fajitas with flavor on top.

I picked up a bottle of Frank's Extra Hot.

My payment for daring this flavourful ocean.

Is me on a throne with an anal explosion.

I know who dies first in the last Game of Thrones...

The legacy of a once-great show

In Game of Thrones Winter Came...

And everyone left unsatisfied

Kid from The Sixth Sense asked to comment on Game Of Thrones and he described it with one sentence.

"Icey dead people"

Why did Henry VIII call an AC repairman?

He wanted air to the throne.

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Do not read this [OC] joke.

...I was in some South Dakotan ‘mountains’ ...or ‘rolling hills’ as the rest of the world would call them. It was just a fun journey to burn an afternoon and prep my legs for a trip with my friends to Yosemite. (I would actually go on to propose to my girlfriend at the top of Yosemite Falls, and we’...

Obama, Hillary and Trump are standing at the throne of heaven.

God looks at them and says, "Before granting you a place at my side, I must ask you what you have learned, what you believe in."


God asks Obama first: “What do you believe?"



He thinks long and hard, looks God in the eye, and says, "I believe in hard work, and in staying tr...

Game Of Thrones Joke (semi-spoiler contained within)

I don't know why Brianne was surprised Jamie left; she already knew he was a hands off kinda guy.

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A guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus

A guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says "I bet $100 that no one here has a musical instrument that my octopus can't play."

The people in the bar look around and someone fetches an old lute.

The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes up the strings and starts playing Toss a ...

Which Game of Thrones house does House Trump most resemble?

Definitely not House Lannister, because they always pay their debts.

Best Game of Thrones ending theory

An old Sam reads from his book *A Song of Ice and Fire* “and the kingdoms lived in peace from that day on. And that, kids, is how I met your mother.”

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[Game of Thrones S7 Spoiler] What do Dragons call Jon Snow?

Motherfucker.

I am glad Game of Thrones is coming to an end in 2019

I hate when TV shows dragon too long.

If Daenerys from Game of Thrones married Khal Moro instead of Khal Drogo, guess what she would've named her biggest dragon?

Moron.

Where do the Game of Thrones characters go to get their clothing pressed?

The Iron Islands.
...I'm so sorry, I've been re-watching the entire series in preparation for April and this stupid joke popped into my head after my Mum bought a new iron :3

People complain about Game of Thrones having a lot of incest...

...but Bran could have broken his arms instead of his legs

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We've seen a lot of nudity on Game of Thrones

I think tonight might be the first night we have ever seen a Dickon fire though

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[Spoiler] In Game of Thrones, what is Jon and Dany's favorite sexual position?

Lannister style

Why do they run the credits at the beginning of Game of Thrones?

Because you don't know who is going to make it to the end.

Queen Elizabeth has been on the Throne for 65 years

That's one hell of a dodgy curry.

The redditor of all the land sits on his throne

A line of people are waiting to tell him their problems.

The first one walks in.
“I was milking my cow and I realized how annoying and useless it seemed”
The king said “Go follow into the room on the right, and sit on the couch.”

A second person walks in.
“I was doing schoolwo...

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Once upon a time, there were two native tribes who were bitter enemies

One tribe lived in houses made of sticks, and the other tribe lived in houses made of grass. Each tribe had a sacred throne on which the tribe elder would sit and judge his people.

On day, the tribe who made their houses out of grass raided the village of the tribe who made their houses out ...

Sir Dimalot strode into the throne room and bowed before the king.

"Your majesty," he said, "I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the villages of your enemies in the north."

The king looked perplexed. "But I do not have any enemies in the north."

"Ah," replied the knight, realising his mistake. "I fear you do now."

People think that Ed Sheeran cameo in Game of Thrones was bad...

But I thought Amy Winehouse getting hit in the face with a rock in last nights episode was just in bad taste.

Women complain about men sitting on the toilet too long.

What kind of king doesn't sit on his throne?



P.s. sorry if this is unoriginal. It sounds too good to not be taken.

What do you call a prince rabbit?

The "hare" to the throne

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If I've learned anything from watching Game of Thrones..

It's that family always cums first.

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A woman visited an Amazonian tribe on a research trip...

She spent several days taking notes on the lifestyle and habits of the tribe and interviewing their ruler, King Paolo, via an interpreter. As the tribe's land was near several rich gold mines, the king and his people were extremely wealthy.

During the woman's time with him, the king fell hop...

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LPT: Play the Game of Thrones theme tune before you have sex if there is a risk of being overheard.

Got me and my SO through the recent family stay overs during the festive season.

So we wont see season 8 of Game of Thrones until 2019

They're really dragon it out

An interview with a vampire

An interview with a vampire.

Interviewer: Voad, You have been living for the last 5000 years, in almost every country on the planet. You have seen rulers come and go, empires rise and fall. Please, tell me what you have done to occupy yourself during this time.

Voad: Well, I have tak...

The King and the Thrones

Once there was a king- his kingdom was made up of houses made from the hay, mud and reinforced by waterproof grass fronds from the riverbanks. The king, naturally, had the biggest house, his being the only one in the kingdom to have two floors; a tricky bit of engineering for an all natural structur...

I never understood why people are surprised to hear Elvis died on the toilet.

Historically it's rare for a King to leave the throne alive.

Had an issue with how the latest season of Game of Thrones ended:

Bit of an auntie climax don't you think?

Game of Thrones is really getting out of hand...

Even websites are dying in the new season.

I heard that there is going to be a Game of Thrones crossover with Westworld. (Spoilers for both shows)

Hodor: Hodor!!!

Bernard: What door?

I bought my toddler a plastic "Iron Throne".

I paid the Fisher-Price.

This season of Game of Thrones set new records for Piracy

Probably because it's written by George Arrrrr Arrrrr Martin

Game of Thrones Spoiler Joke

I heard the Night King just got a hold of one rarest YuGiOh cards

How do you know there are no Asians leading the White Walker armies in Game of Thrones?

Because two Wongs don't make a wight.

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My boss asked me which Game of Thrones house he'd best be placed in...

I told him House Lannister because it only takes one hand to go fuck yourself.

Game of Thrones

Q: What's the name of Hodor's cat?

> A: Hodor

Q: Why did Hodor cross the road?

> A: Hodor

Q: How many Hodors does it take to screw in a lighbulb?

> A: Hodor

Q: What's the title of Hodor's favorite book?

> A: Hodor

Q: Why wasn'...

What was the most successful love story in Game of Thrones?

Shireen. She was only on Tinder for a couple of minutes.

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An improved Game of Thrones joke

Robert Baratheon, Renly Baratheon and Stannis Baratheon go into a tavern. They order ale, but when the barkeep brings them over, they each find a fly in their cups. Robert goes into rage and smashes the cup, demanding new ale. Renly takes the fly out and laughs with the barkeep about it. Stannis rea...

What airline does Sophie Turner use when she's filming Game of Thrones?

Luftsansa

The Swing Bar

Jim's friends take him to a bar he hadn't been to before then. It was like any other joint, minus the oddly cheap booze, and the group of people huddled in the corner.

Jim asks the bartender what they're doing, and he explains that they're having a "swing".

Jim and his friends venture...

Why did prince Oxygen inherit the throne after the king died?

Because he was the rightful heir

[Game of Thrones] How do you ask a Northerner if they are of noble descent?

Arya Stark?

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