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Throne Jokes

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Warning: Game of Thrones Spoilers

Will make your car look fucking stupid

A king sits on his throne. Suddenly, one of his knights enters.

The knight looks so tired he can barely stand. His armour is heavily battered and covered with dust, his sword is notched, his helmet is cracked...

**King**: Dear God, John! What happened to you?

**Knight**: Oh, I've been hard at work lately, Your Majesty. A heavy blow I dealt against ...

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A benefit of Charles III ascension to the throne

Once they change the picture on the money to the new King, Andrew won't have to tuck a picture of his mother into the G-strings of strippers.

What is the difference between Game of Thrones and Twitter?

With Twitter you only get 140 characters.

4 people fighting to sit on the Throne. There's blood, there's guts, there's nudity.

Gonna have to face the facts.

I'm a terrible cook.

How many Game of Thrones seasons does it take to change a lightbulb?

Eight, if you want to screw it completely.

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I get anxious when I watch “Game of Thrones” with my parents, because of all the sex.

Sometimes I turn the volume up, so that I don’t hear them.

What does The Walking Dead, Game of Thrones and Fast and Furious have in common?

All their Walkers are dead

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So the queen has been on the throne for 70 years.

That's some serious shit.

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Game of thrones spoiler!!!!

Now that all the nerds aren't paying attention, party at my house this Saturday.

What's the difference between Game of Thrones and United Airlines?

One has dragons and the other has drag-offs

The king's guard bursts into the throne room...

Out of breath and in a panic they alert the king
> Sire, the peasants, they're revolting!


The king nods and responds:
>Mmm yes, they are quite disgusting aren't they

The ending of Game of Thrones makes sense, think about it.

Arya went west, Jon went north, Drogon went east, and the show went south.

What does Senator Lindsey Graham, Upcoming Game of Thrones Book "Dream of Spring" and Video Game Star Citizen have in common?

None of them are ever coming out!





You're welcome

Harry and Meghan are leaving the throne

At least 2 people know how to make a proper Brexit

Why doesn’t Napoleon watch Game of Thrones?

Because Winter is Coming

The Ivory Throne of the King of Timbuktu

Hundreds of years ago, when glorious Timbuktu was nothing more than a large collection of grass huts, the King of that great city declared his wish for a throne fit for such a mighty ruler. Of ivory it was to be, exquisitely carved, inlaid with gold leaf, decorated with diamonds and emeralds and sap...

Apparently, all the tents from the Game of Thrones sets are being redecorated for use in a new mini-series on Genghis Khan.

I am not sure why anyone is surprised about the recycled Khan tent.

A different game of thrones

Long ago a then famous reporter of the times traveled to a little known kingdom deep in the heart of Africa, accompanied by translators and bearers of course. It was not very technologically advanced, with no plumbing and clay and stray being the primary building materials.

Upon arrival he w...

What's the difference between the Game of Thrones books and a Chinese newspaper?

To understand everything in a Chinese newspaper you only need to know about 3,000 characters.

Which Game of Thrones character doesn't stink ?

Bran

He is Hodorless

The King and the Thrones

Once there was a king- his kingdom was made up of houses made from the hay, mud and reinforced by waterproof grass fronds from the riverbanks. The king, naturally, had the biggest house, his being the only one in the kingdom to have two floors; a tricky bit of engineering for an all natural structur...

Do you know why Palpatine spends so much time on his throne?

Because he likes to Sith.

Obama, Hillary and Trump are standing at the throne of heaven.

God looks at them and says, "Before granting you a place at my side, I must ask you what you have learned, what you believe in."


God asks Obama first: “What do you believe?"



He thinks long and hard, looks God in the eye, and says, "I believe in hard work, and in staying tr...

David Benioff and Dan Weiss wrote this joke for the loyal viewers of the Game of Thrones series

Season 8

What do The Shining, Titanic, Game of Thrones, and The Sixth Sense all have in common?

Icy dead people.

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Whats the difference between Game of Thrones and a porno?

At the end of the porno everyone was satisfied

Why do they run the credits at the beginning of Game of Thrones?

Because you don't know who is going to make it to the end.

What do suicide and game of thrones have in common?

They both don’t end well.

Queen Elizabeth has been on the Throne for 65 years

That's one hell of a dodgy curry.

Best Game of Thrones ending theory

An old Sam reads from his book *A Song of Ice and Fire* “and the kingdoms lived in peace from that day on. And that, kids, is how I met your mother.”

Queen Elizabeth ascended to the throne 69 years ago today. When asked for comment, Boris Johnson replied,

"Nice."

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Why is game of thrones so popular?

Who doesn't enjoy a porn with good backstory?

In Game of Thrones Winter Came...

And everyone left unsatisfied

Three things happened when started watching Game of thrones.

1. My friend said he didn't like this series.
2. My friend got hit by bus.
3. I lost my bus license.

Going on a one night stand with me is like Game of Thrones

Everything is exciting, conversations are awesome, you really like where things are going and you are excited for things to come.

Then you get home with me, and all the build up is ruined with sloppy action which ends way too soon with utter disappointment and you never want to think about it...

I bought my toddler a plastic "Iron Throne".

I paid the Fisher-Price.

Eric is stranded on an island...

Eric is stranded on an island. He starts hopelessly wandering around and hides behind the bushes when he comes upon a local tribe of cannibals and their cannibal king sitting on a golden throne.

"I'm screwed." Eric whispers to himself.

Then, out of nowhere, appears a wise old man. "No...

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We've seen a lot of nudity on Game of Thrones

I think tonight might be the first night we have ever seen a Dickon fire though

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The Bravest and Fiercest

The king was getting old and did not trust his sons to rule his kingdom after his passing. He decided that he must find a husband for his daughter. This man, who would one day take the throne, had to be the bravest and fiercest warrior in all the land.

The king devised a test. his engineers ...

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God

God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented motorcycles, eh!" Arthur said, "Yeah, that's me…"

God commented, "Well, what a big deal – inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution, and can't run without a road?"

Arthur was appare...

Game of Thrones

Q: What's the name of Hodor's cat?

> A: Hodor

Q: Why did Hodor cross the road?

> A: Hodor

Q: How many Hodors does it take to screw in a lighbulb?

> A: Hodor

Q: What's the title of Hodor's favorite book?

> A: Hodor

Q: Why wasn'...

Who's the wildest knight in Game of Thrones?

Ser Engeti

What do beds and Game of Thrones have in common?

Put 2 twins together and you get a king.

Sir Dimalot strode into the throne room and bowed before the king.

"Your majesty," he said, "I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the villages of your enemies in the north."

The king looked perplexed. "But I do not have any enemies in the north."

"Ah," replied the knight, realising his mistake. "I fear you do now."

Last week was my first time watching Game of Thrones

I still haven't seen an episode.

Game of Thrones Spoiler Joke

I heard the Night King just got a hold of one rarest YuGiOh cards

What did they name Game of Thrones' first stock exchange?

Investeros

What are the spiders like in Game of Thrones?

Varies.

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Was in the bathroom the other day next to the guy that played Tyrion Lannister on Game of Thrones.

He wasn’t paying attention and pissed on my shoes. Damn that Peter Sprinklage.

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How can you tell if someone has never seen Game of Thrones?

They'll fucking tell you.

I watched all of Game of Thrones back to back with the girlfriend,

Fortunately I was the one facing the TV.

People complain about Game of Thrones having a lot of incest...

...but Bran could have broken his arms instead of his legs

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[Game of Thrones S7 Spoiler] What do Dragons call Jon Snow?

Motherfucker.

I feel sorry for Jorah in Game Of Thrones

He clearly loves Daenerys, but she just isn't one to savour the Mormont.

Which Game of Thrones house does House Trump most resemble?

Definitely not House Lannister, because they always pay their debts.

People still having large weddings during a pandemic must be huge Game of Thrones fans.

After all a Dothraki wedding without at least 3 deaths is considered a dull affair.

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The final season of game of thrones is a lot like porn.

Awful dialogue, shallow plot, and the characters just keep getting fucked.

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An improved Game of Thrones joke

Robert Baratheon, Renly Baratheon and Stannis Baratheon go into a tavern. They order ale, but when the barkeep brings them over, they each find a fly in their cups. Robert goes into rage and smashes the cup, demanding new ale. Renly takes the fly out and laughs with the barkeep about it. Stannis rea...

I know who dies first in the last Game of Thrones...

The legacy of a once-great show

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If I've learned anything from watching Game of Thrones..

It's that family always cums first.

African chief whose obsession was to conquer other chiefs and take their thrones as trophies

There was this African chief at the turn of the last century whose obsession was to conquer other chiefs and take their thrones as trophies. These thrones he would collect and display in the second level of his magnificent palace just above his own luxurious throne. This palace was renowned for its ...

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[Spoiler] In Game of Thrones, what is Jon and Dany's favorite sexual position?

Lannister style

The guy who played "The Mountain" from Game of Thrones is 50% of a Norse god.

He's Hafthor.

Game of Thrones is really getting out of hand...

Even websites are dying in the new season.

Why did prince Oxygen inherit the throne after the king died?

Because he was the rightful heir

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Not fucked yet.

Once upon a time there was a young man hiking through the woods. As he was gaily skipping through a path he suddenly started to hear footsteps approaching. The footsteps came closer until the trees finally disclosed a group of twenty natives with spears carrying a fat man and his fat kid on a throne...

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Long ago, a king issued a challenge to see who can first cross a crocodile-infested river.

On the day of the challenge, the participants were shocked to see how dangerous the river actually was. Crocodile backs were visible nearly every part of the river and the width of the river seemed to stretch miles away to the other bank.

The king, eager to see some violent gory entertainment...

Where do the Game of Thrones characters go to get their clothing pressed?

The Iron Islands.
...I'm so sorry, I've been re-watching the entire series in preparation for April and this stupid joke popped into my head after my Mum bought a new iron :3

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A Game of Thrones Joke

What do Theon Greyjoy and Justin Timberlake have in common?
A dick in a box.

You know who's the best character in the Game of Thrones show right now?

It *Varys*

I am glad Game of Thrones is coming to an end in 2019

I hate when TV shows dragon too long.

People think that Ed Sheeran cameo in Game of Thrones was bad...

But I thought Amy Winehouse getting hit in the face with a rock in last nights episode was just in bad taste.

So there was this king in Hawaii living in a straw thatch style palace whose hobby was collecting thrones...

Anytime some local carpenter created a new ornate chair, he had to have it for his collection. The guy was wild about them, it was his one true passion in life.

Well one day, lightning strikes during a thunderstorm and his palace burns down including his entire collection. He was crushed, ne...

This season of Game of Thrones set new records for Piracy

Probably because it's written by George Arrrrr Arrrrr Martin

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A fierce jungle tribe always built their houses in the trees

The wood made the floors and the supports, but the houses themselves were made out of thatched grass. The tribe honored those who built the best grass houses.

One day the tribe went to war with a nearby tribe. The warriors fought well and they sacked the tribe's village, taking the rival tr...

So there was a tribal chief who decided he needed the biggest hut in the village...

so he gathered the grass he needed and built the only two story hut in the village. He placed his throne on the second story and held audiences there. One night while he slept the throne fell through the floor and crushed his head. The moral of this story is that people who live in grass houses shou...

What was the most successful love story in Game of Thrones?

Shireen. She was only on Tinder for a couple of minutes.

Had an issue with how the latest season of Game of Thrones ended:

Bit of an auntie climax don't you think?

There was once an island kingdom whose people were all fabulously wealthy.

Even though they could have afforded to live anywhere they wanted, tradition dictated they stay on their tiny island home.

Eventually, their king became frustrated and called a meeting of the tribe's elders. He said he wanted them to figure out a way he could enjoy his wealth, and stay within...

What airline does Sophie Turner use when she's filming Game of Thrones?

Luftsansa

I accidentally left the refrigerator open while watching Game of Thrones

(SPOILERS EVERTHING)

Brexit must have impacted Game of Thrones' budget really badly… (spoilers)

I heard yesterday they fired half of the cast.

Kid from The Sixth Sense asked to comment on Game Of Thrones and he described it with one sentence.

"Icey dead people"

What do the last ten minutes of Dexter and the last season of Game of Thrones have in common?

They ruin eight years of your life.

An interview with a vampire

An interview with a vampire.

Interviewer: Voad, You have been living for the last 5000 years, in almost every country on the planet. You have seen rulers come and go, empires rise and fall. Please, tell me what you have done to occupy yourself during this time.

Voad: Well, I have tak...

What is the difference between a baseball and Prince William?

One is thrown to the air.
The other is heir to the throne.

What would Game of Thrones be called if it was about ice cream?

Game of Cones

If it was about sword sharpening: Game of Hones

If it was just everyone playing Go: Game of Stones

If everyone was single: Game of Alones

If it was about balls: Game of Throwns

If it was about spooky scary skeletons: Game of Bones

If everyone u...

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My boss asked me which Game of Thrones house he'd best be placed in...

I told him House Lannister because it only takes one hand to go fuck yourself.

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